Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 28: Kiss
--
Orochimaru gave the Uchiha an indecipherable look, leered at the blonde, then closed the door firmly behind him.
Sasuke watched after him for a moment before moving back to sit on the edge of his bed, deep in thought- thoughts that he carefully kept Naruto out of.
Naruto rolled his eyes at the cautious, clueless teme and flopped back onto the bed. Exhaustion pulled his mind down and he could feel himself sinking into a deep..
restful…
"Do you understand how stupid it was for you to come here?"
His eyes shot open.
"God, I hate you so much right now" Naruto muttered. "I was so close to falling asleep."
"I asked you a fucking question, Na-"
Sasuke had turned to glower down at the blonde, but his eyes escaped him. Naruto was laying on his bed, hair mused, eyes heavy, shirt halfway up his exposed stomach, and he couldn't see anything else. His focus immediately went to his body, and the blonde in his mind knew it.
Naruto raised an eyebrow, as Sasuke hurriedly grabbed his disarrayed shirt, and roughly yanked it back down. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouted, slapping him away with the back of his hand. He pushed himself up on his elbows, eyes locked onto him. "Why are you acting like such a freaking lunatic?"
Sasuke leapt to his feet and paced the space in front of the bed, his irritation growing with every step. "Fuck, Naruto. I mean- look around you!"
"So we're going to ignore what you just did.."
"Christ, Naruto- look at your fucking hands! Why the hell would you come here?! Why would you do this!?"
Naruto stayed silent, and it was obvious why.
Sasuke stopped, but kept his eyes averted. "Did you really expect it to work? That I would see you again and just abandon everything that I have worked for?"
Naruto's eyes darkened. "And why not, Sasuke? I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you've abandoned something important- would it?"
Sasuke clenched his jaw. "You want to get it off your chest- go for it."
"You're such a fucking prick."
"And you're a fucking moron!"
"Why, because I'm actually willing to try?" Naruto snapped.
"No, because you fucking came here! Alone!" Sasuke turned and took an angry step towards him. "What the hell were you thinking!?"
"You came here first!" Naruto shouted, sitting up in the bed. "What- you think it makes me a moron, but you a fucking genius? At least I came in here with my dignity, Sasuke, and not sucking off some snake for power."
Sasuke grabbed him by the shirt and jerked him close. "Don't fucking test me, Naruto. I'm not in the mood for your shit."
Naruto stared at him incredulously. "Oh, and I am?" He held up his bandaged hands. "I just had my fucking skin ripped off, Sasuke. Think you might wait a while before you tear my head off too?"
Fighting back the urge to throttle him, Sasuke threw Naruto down on the bed and sank into a chair across the room. He dropped his head in his hands and dragged them through his hair.
"Dammit, Naruto.." he sighed. "I don't want you here.."
"Gee, thanks a lot."
Sasuke glared over at him. "I didn't want that-" he looked pointedly at his bandages, "happening to you." He swallowed hard. "That was.. that was fucking horrific."
"I know" Naruto whispered, "I was there."
"Is everything a fucking joke to you?!" Sasuke snapped.
Naruto propped himself up on an elbow and carefully laid his head against his knuckles. He winced twice before he finally found a position that worked. Sasuke was fuming the entire time. When the blonde met his eyes again, they were practically on fire.
"What do you want me to say, Sasuke? Yeah, it sucked. Definitely in my top three."
Sasuke jumped to his feet, itching to fucking deck him no matter how injured he was, and Naruto raised a hand in surrender. "Will you just relax? I get it, ok. Everything with Kabuto was.." his voice trailed off.
It was horrible. I mean, why do you think I called out for you in first place? Naruto bit his lip hard, hating himself for thinking it. Hating even more that Sasuke heard it.
"Forget I said that." The shackle and chain on his ankle rattled violently as he turned his back to him. He closed his eyes, ready for sleep to take him away from his overwhelming embarrassment.
"Naruto.."
Don't. I don't want to talk and I sure as fuck don't want to listen.
Naruto curled up tight and tried to force his body to relax, his heart rate to slow, his mind to still, but he found himself holding his breath instead- wondering what Sasuke would do next.
He was trying to play it off like the trauma he constantly faced was just a norm for him, that he was used to it at this point, that it no longer affected him. But that was a lie. He was hurting- his body, his mind. Pain pulsed through his shredded palms and feet from the torment he endured, and fear flickered through him as he thought about the likelihood of being back in that chair again.
And Sasuke.. the way he left had sliced through his heart worse than anything else he had ever experienced, and the wound had never healed. For a while it was just agony, until he found a way to feel nothing at all. That changed when he saw him again. The pain of Sasuke's betrayal flared back to life, and he couldn't make it stop. Part of him hated the raven for abandoning him. For caring more about his own twisted vengeance than for the person who gave him everything he had left- his trust, his heart, his body.
Things that Naruto hasn't been able to give to another since.
It would be better if he could cover the pain with anger, if he truly could hate Sasuke for what he did, but more than anything Naruto just wanted him to come home.
He needed time to think- about what he wanted, what he felt. What he was willing to forgive, or what he might just have to slowly forget. And he couldn't do that with Sasuke right there listening to every thought, catching every emotion. He couldn't think clearly around him. He never could before and apparently it was the same now.
Naruto, you can't shut me out forever.
The blonde stiffened. But three years is just fine, right Sasuke?
He could practically feel the raven recoil from him. Without a word, he turned away and tore out of the room, slamming the door closed behind him.
Naruto waited a while to see if he'd return before dropping down onto his back. He glanced over at the closed door, then up at the cracked ceiling, following jagged lines as they met another before sliding further and further apart.
--
The sound of the door creaking open startled Naruto awake several hours later. He slid his eyes over and watched Sasuke's dark silhouette step into the dim room. He closed and locked the door behind him, then slipped free of his shoes and moved over towards the connected bathroom. Naruto quickly closed his eyes, but he was sure it wasn't convincing. Not for someone at Sasuke's skill level.
It didn't stop him from trying though.
He wasn't ready for another confrontation with him, especially now. Not when Sasuke was returning for the night and getting ready to share a bed with him. He forced his mind to stay blank, his panicky thoughts locked tight behind a secure mental blockade.
You should be better at this by now, Sasuke quipped as he stepped back into the room, cutting off the light in the bathroom, plunging them into a deep consuming darkness.
Sasuke found it soothing; Naruto found it suffocating.
What exactly are you referring to, Sasuke? Me pretending to be asleep, or being someone's prisoner?
He could hear Sasuke's footsteps fall silent as his words forced his thoughts somewhere else. An image formed in his mind and suddenly Naruto could see himself- his hands clapped in irons, his lip busted, eyes wide with relief as he stared at Sasuke from the other side of his cell. Sasuke reaching out for him.. his own eyes widening as his hands came back sticky with blood.
Stop, Naruto thought firmly. I don't want to remember any of it.
A door slammed shut on their past and Sasuke dropped down on the bed beside him. Naruto started to pull away, but he didn't need to.
Sasuke flipped onto his side, facing away from the blonde. He tucked his arm under his head and glared at the door as exhaustion settled deep in his marrows.
"Why would you share a bed with a prisoner?" Naruto murmured.
"You're lucky that's all I'm doing with a prisoner."
Naruto's heart skipped a beat, though whether that was with interest or fear he wasn't completely sure. It did silence him for the remainder of the night, though. A night filled with images he preferred not to have, and memories he wasn't ready to remember.
--
Naruto scooted to the bathroom the next morning on his backend, avoiding the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet as he crossed the rough concrete floor. He was beyond grateful for the Uchiha's absence, preferring not to humiliate himself in front of him again. Even though a little shame wouldn't have deterred him, Sasuke would surely try to step in and play hero- and he just couldn't have that. It was one thing to call out for him when he's being tortured to death, but being scooped up like a schoolgirl who had fallen off her chair- he couldn't stomach that.
Naruto had his pride, and he kept it close to the vest- along with his shattered heart and broken trust. He had given up so much in the past- things he wouldn't give up so easily again.
He didn't know what would happen between him and Sasuke once they returned to Konohagakure, but for now he needed to keep his guard up. Maybe he could forgive him enough to be his friend or maybe he'd forever be his rival. Or maybe.. maybe he'd decide to get close to him again. Maybe it was worth the risk of losing him like that- and the horrible pain that came with it.
He shook his head.
He didn't need to decide any of that now. In fact, he'd rather not think about it while he's chained to the guy's fucking bed.
Naruto made it to the bathroom and grabbed the counter before awkwardly pulling himself up, balancing on the very edge of the heel of his feet to avoid putting pressure on the parts that were still completely shredded. He looked up and caught his appearance in the mirror. His long hair was an unruly mess, his eyes shadowed and weighed down, and his lip had an angry cut on the side and a bruise to match.
He sighed. Looking good, Naruto, he thought sarcastically.
Checking yourself out, dobe? Sasuke's voice rang in his head, a laugh barely stifled behind it.
Shut up.. he grumbled back. He leaned down and washed his face, then grabbed the hand towel with the very tips of his fingers. Drying his face was a struggle, he assumed cleaning the rest of him would be worse.
I can help you when I come back, Sasuke thought.
Hard pass, Naruto shot back.
Will you stop being so fucking stubborn?!
Another hard pass.
He could sense Sasuke rolling his eyes before switching his attention back to his training. Naruto put up his barriers, blocking the raven from the rest of his bathroom thoughts.
A little privacy would do him some good.
--
Brushing his teeth was a bitch and he didn't even bother with his hair. He did the best he could cleaning his body, but it was a struggle and it took far too long. By the time he was scooting out of the bathroom again his patience had all but disintegrated.
Fucking Kabuto, he thought, rage pulsing through him. Next time I see that asshole I'll kill him. And I'll take my time doing it too.
Kill him, huh? Sasuke cut in, testing his already tried patience. I thought revenge wasn't the "shinobi way".
Naruto hefted himself back in bed, then stared down at his bandaged hands. What do you know.. he thought, his voice quiet, barely audible even in their minds. He dropped down on the mattress and glared at the rough ceiling. You're not the only one who's changed.
Sasuke seemed surprised by that. And how exactly have you changed? he wondered.
Silence was his reply. When he tried to push into the blonde's mind for answers, he forced him back and shut him out.
The raven was surprised to find that for the rest of the day it would bother him that he didn't know- the answer to his question, nor the Naruto that his blonde had become.
--
Kyuubi?
Naruto sat through the long painful silence, waiting, but there was nothing.
Kabuto claimed that enough of the Nine Tails' chakra was left available to make sure the host stayed alive, but he didn't know how that was possible. He couldn't sense him at all.
Nothing.
For how long Naruto had wanted to just be a normal monster-less kid, for how much he used to hate harboring a demon inside of him, one would've thought he'd be a lot happier. At least content.
But he was miserable.
Yes, the wounds didn't heal the way they would with Kyuubi's help, but that wasn't the problem.
He.. missed him.
That sinister ol' fox won his heart over a long time ago. After a lot of close calls and heartbroken nights, Kyuubi had been the friend that he turned to for comfort when no one else was there.
And Naruto had spent a lot of time alone after Sasuke left.
He didn't want to face another day without Kyuubi. And while Sasuke had reassured him that the effects of Kabuto's drug will eventually wear off, he couldn't help but feel like something went wrong. That he wouldn't be coming back.
It was a horrifying thought.
Just come back Kyuubi, ok? Don't make me face this horrible fucking world without you.
Naruto waited impatiently, fidgeting restlessly. If you come back right now, I'll let you use my body- I'll switch places with you.
Nothing.
Naruto's loud exasperated sigh filled the otherwise silent space. He threw himself down on the bed and turned on his side to glare at the wall.
I'm going to lose my mind in here.
Probably wouldn't take much, he heard Sasuke add.
Naruto envisioned his rising middle finger and graciously presented it to the raven's mind. He could sense him smirking back from a distance, and a smile slipped into place as his eyes closed- another long deep sleep pulling him into darkness.
--
"Ready for another round."
Naruto's head shot up, his eyes tearing open at the sound of his voice. No. No, this can't be happening. Not again.
He looked across the room and watched as the silver-haired snake smiled a wide venomous smile. "Welcome back, Naruto."
He looked down and found that he was back in the chair, his hands and feet bound to it, the cold metal panels waiting just beneath them. Panic surged through him, tightening in his chest. "Kabuto, please.." he choked, "please don't do this."
"I do love the sound of you begging" he purred, eyes flashing dangerously. "There really is nothing quite like it.
Naruto swallowed back his disgust and fear, or rather he tried to. He could still feel it in the back of his throat, fighting to crawl its way back up. "You know Orochimaru doesn't want you to kill me" he tried.
Kabuto laid a hand on the lever to his torturous device, his grin widening. "Killing isn't exactly what I had in mind."
He shoved the lever down and pressed the button in his hand, sending shocks through the blonde's temples and spikes through his already torn flesh. Naruto shrieked in pain as his body convulsed against his restraints. Blood poured from his hands and feet, and still he wouldn't stop.
After an eternity the machines stilled, the sharp spikes retracted. The blonde turned his face away, crying against his shoulder. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. And as much as he didn't want to seem weak, he couldn't stop himself from screaming, crying out, pleading for mercy.
None of it mattered.
And it was very obvious that Kabuto was no where near done with him.
Naruto slowly opened his eyes and turned to look back at the snake, then froze. His eyes widened with horror, his mouth slipping open to pull in a shaky gasp. No.. He wasn't in the chair anymore. This time he was strapped to a bed.
He could feel himself hyperventilating as Kabuto moved towards him. He jerked against his restraints, but they were tightly clasped. He called out for Kyuubi- still nothing.
Kabuto climbed onto the bed and straddled him, his eyes gleaming as they slid up and down his body. "So.. this is your greatest fear.."
Naruto's horror shot skyward as understanding seeped inside. "How did you.." He couldn't say it, terrified to hear the answer. An answer he already knew.
"Sasuke isn't the boy you remember, Naruto." He slipped a hand under his shirt, sliding cold fingers down until he found the waistband of his pants. "He told us everything."
Naruto shook his head. "No.. he- he wouldn't do that."
The snake tilted his head, grinning. "You don't matter to him as much as you think you do."
His hand shot down, under his pants, under his boxers. Naruto flinched, trying to pull away, but his restraints made his attempts useless.
"No- no!! Stop! STOP!"
Kabuto grabbed his length and squeezed down on it hard. "I'm not going to stop until he begs me to fuck him harder."
Naruto's eyes shot up and all color drained from his face. They weren't alone. It was the same men from Konoha, the ones who had attacked him all those years ago. The leader of the group stepped forward, unzipping his pants as he went.
"I like the sound of that."
Naruto jolted awake, a sob tearing through his chest. He looked around the room, sure that he'd find them standing there- eager to make his worst nightmare come true. He had just managed to catch his breath when the door slammed open. He flinched, violently, but his fear lessened as Sasuke rushed inside. He looked horrified, and Naruto quickly realized why.
Please tell me you didn't see that, he thought, already knowing the answer.
Sasuke dropped to his knees next to the bed and carefully cradled his face, searching his wide haunted eyes. "Are you ok?" he asked, his voice strained.
Naruto dropped his gaze, unable to meet deep obsidian filled with so much concern.. with something he was dangerously close to misconstruing as love.
"I'm fine" he said quietly, trying to keep his voice steady, to make his lie believable. "It.. it was just a nightmare."
Sasuke studied him, clearly not believing a word he said. "You know I wouldn't do that, don't you?"
The blonde nodded, but he still wouldn't look at him. "Naruto" he pulled his face up, waiting for him to finally look his way again, "I mean it. I would never do that to you."
The blonde bit his lip. "I know" he finally said.
"Do you?"
He nodded again.
Sasuke took a deep breath and slowly pulled away. He looked down and noticed that blood was seeping through the bandages on the blonde's hands. You must have ripped them open when- he forced back the images, not wanting to torment the blonde with a flashback- when you were sleeping.
"Let me grab some stuff to fix that" Sasuke said softly. He padded over to the bathroom, grabbed his med kit, and joined him on the bed. Naruto seemed hesitant, but he was well aware that he couldn't bandage his own hand, so he finally gave in to Sasuke.
The contact felt nice, though Naruto tried not to think about it too much. He knew it was just a nightmare but the feelings still lingered, and he couldn't completely resign himself over to the Uchiha after knowing the dream version of him had done such a thing.
You're really going to hold that against me? Sasuke thought. Even though you know it's not real?
I have plenty of real reasons to be mad at you too, Naruto reminded him.
An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Sasuke finished patching him up. When he was done, he wasn't sure if he should stay and attempt to comfort him or if he should give him space. He ended up going with the latter. He stopped at the door before he left though and glanced over his shoulder. "If you need me, I'm here."
Naruto dropped down on the bed and closed his eyes tight against the sudden tears. Yeah, he thought.
For now.
--
Sasuke didn't return again until later the following afternoon. He had already made sure that the room was fully stocked with everything he needed, so it wasn't a huge problem, but it still bothered Naruto. He was frustrated being stuck in one place, with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling and sleep. Sasuke already knew that he came here of his own volition, so it irked the hell out of the blonde that he still insisted on keeping him chained up.
He had no intention of leaving just yet, so why was any of this necessary?
With nothing else to do, Naruto fell asleep angry, and that is exactly how he woke up.
It was the sound of the door opening that stirred him, but he kept his back to the Uchiha, choosing not to acknowledge his presence. Because he knew that it would irritate him the most. And the teme fucking deserved it.
He could see himself in Sasuke's mind, his back turned towards him, lying on the bed, his body curled in on itself. Naruto thought he might say something, or maybe move on to do something else, but he just.. stood there. Watching him.
Leave me alone, Sasuke, he thought, no longer able to keep quiet.
His words seemed to have no affect on the raven. Sasuke didn't look away.. in fact, Naruto wasn't even sure he blinked as he slowly approached him.
Sasuke, stop. I just want to be left alone.
The footsteps stopped, and he wondered what the raven was up to when he felt his fingers gently running through his hair.
Huge blue eyes shot open. He whipped around and stared up at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come out.
What..? What are you doing?
Sasuke lowered himself down onto the edge of the mattress, his hip lightly brushing against him. Naruto's eyes shot down to the place of impact, before darting back up to stare at the Uchiha in absolute bewilderment. His onyx eyes were intense, and he immediately regretted making eye contact with them. It was like missing a step in the dark- his stomach took the plunge first and then, almost as quickly, his heart.
Naruto moved to get up, but Sasuke gently pressed his shoulder back against the bed.
Blue eyes widened. "Sasuke.." he tried again, "what are you doing..?"
Those fingers returned to his hair, slipping through thick locks, before tangling in the back. Sasuke kept a firm hold as he lowered his face. Naruto's breath caught in his throat, and Sasuke's gaze dropped down to his lips as they parted for air. How tempting it was to make them part for so much more.
Sasuke.. Naruto thought- not understanding that it was precisely the way he murmured his name, how his eyes flickered across his face, how he gasped for air, that fueled the raven's desire and pulled him closer.
Sasuke tore his eyes away from his lips and gazed deeply into wide blues. Naruto shivered under the weight of that look. Am I dreaming again?
No. You're not.
Sasuke closed the distance and kissed him. His mouth was firm, dominating. Naruto wanted to resist, but he could feel himself melting under the heat of it. He started to kiss him back, and Sasuke pushed him into the mattress, tilting his head as he deepened the kiss. A surge of something primal rushed through Sasuke as he hungrily kissed the blonde. He wanted to taste him, mount him, ravage him... and he wanted to protect him.
I won't let him hurt you again, Naruto.
The blonde froze. He slid his arm between them and shoved Sasuke back, pulling out from his embrace. He quickly turned away, forcing down tears that suddenly lodged in his throat.
"You'll have to be more specific, Sasuke" he said quietly.
A lot of people hurt me.