Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 38: Assume
--
Naruto stared at the space where Itachi's memories had played out, where he had seen what really happened to the Uchiha clan. What he had done to protect Sasuke. What he had done to protect.. him, and other people just like him.
He abandoned the Akatsuki because they were hunting and torturing jinchurikis. But why did that even bother him? He had been hunting them too.
So, what changed?
"Why did you suddenly side with the jinchurikis?"
Itachi glanced over at him. "I wanted to motivate Sasuke to get stronger, to do everything he could to improve, and going after you did that" he admitted. "I was surprised by just how much it did that.."
Naruto finally met his gaze. "You're telling me it was for Sasuke?"
"In a way" Itachi said slowly.
Naruto raised an eyebrow, a silent question for more.
"When I was in your head, when I saw the two of you together, I realized that Sasuke had found someone important to him. Something he didn't have for a very long time. If I let the Akatsuki continue, they would have destroyed it."
Itachi's eyes hardened.
"I couldn't allow that."
Naruto blinked. "Are you kidding me?" He jumped to his feet- thankfully uninjured in the illusion- and towered over the raven, anger flashing in his eyes. "You didn't want them to kill me because of how Sasuke feels about me? Then why the fuck are you-"
He flung his hands out, not wanting to say it- to acknowledge what was happening- but unable to just leave this alone. He didn't know what would happen if he did.
"If you really care about Sasuke and how he feels you wouldn't try to do this.. with me."
Dark eyes searched his face, making him feel on edge. Naruto took a step back, but Itachi didn't want him to leave just yet. He grabbed his arm, forcing him to end his retreat.
Naruto swallowed, trying not to let his imagination run wild. This was Itachi's illusion after all. He could do anything in here.
Anything.
"Don't" he said- to the Uchiha and to himself.
Itachi gave his arm a sharp yank and brought him closer, much to the blonde's discernible dismay. He was getting pretty fucking tired of being controlled. Of having his space, his mind, and his privacy constantly invaded. His body up for grabs- literally.
He hated that this shit kept happening, and that he was always stuck in a situation where he just had to tolerate it, to wait for it to stop. It disgusted him how weak he was. After all of his training- strengthening his mind and his body tirelessly, embracing Kyuubi, conquering his fears and finally finding his courage- all it took was a simple chakra band and one fucking injection to leave him utterly helpless. It was.. fucking pitiful.
"Let go" he growled, knowing it wouldn't be enough.
"I've seen your life Naruto, what you've been through."
He gritted his teeth together, irritated with the reminder. "Yeah, I'm aware."
"Don't you think you deserve better?"
"Than what- this?" he snapped. "Yes, I do. Does that mean you'll let me go?"
Itachi shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I mean.. maybe you deserve better than-"
"Than?"
"Better than Sasuke."
Naruto's eyes hardened, but he couldn't completely hide the fear just beneath the surface. "I don't care what you think."
"I can see that."
He tried to pull his arm free, but he couldn't shake him off and the Uchiha refused to take a fucking hint. He clenched his jaw. "What makes you think you're any better than him" he growled. "Why do you-"
Itachi suddenly pulled him down hard. Naruto dropped down onto his lap with a sharp gasp. He tried to get back to his feet, but Itachi's hands were on him- keeping him horribly secure.
"Do I really have to say it, Naruto?"
"Stop" he choked. "Let go."
"I can't."
Naruto could feel his chest seize. "I don't want this."
"What is it about him that you prefer?" Itachi growled, unable to hide his frustration. "What makes you think that you should keep holding out for him?"
Naruto could feel him prying into his mind, into his thoughts. He tried to shove him out as he fought to break free of his arms, but was overpowered with both. He could see flashes all around them- jagged pieces of his past that cut deep. Of Sasuke's taunting, his rejection, his protection, his love.
Naruto tried to look away, but Itachi grabbed his face and jerked it back. "You claim this is what you want, right? Why look away now?"
Naruto stared as a younger Sasuke saved him over and over. As he took his hand and held it, unashamed of being close to him in front of everyone.
Pained blue eyes watched as Sasuke got closer, forcing his way into his mind, finding a way into his heart. Touches that lingered, eyes that did the same. And then they were in the hospital and Naruto was asking him to kiss him. Sasuke's hesitancy, and the slow heat that suddenly burned as their mouths moved together.
He could feel Itachi's eyes on him, and he didn't like it. "Are you done yet?" he asked, his voice strained.
Blood-red eyes slipped down his body before finding his face once more. "Almost."
The image changed and Naruto was instantly horrified. He could see himself throwing his head back, a breathy moan falling from his lips as Sasuke moved against him.
"Stop!!" He shoved back against his chest, then pulled his arm back and threw his fist forward, aiming for the raven's face. His knuckles stopped just before making contact, his arm frozen. Itachi stared up at him, the curious look in his eyes intense, weighted. Naruto tried to flinch back from that look, but he no longer had control of his body- Itachi's illusion had completely taken over.
"You know how I feel about him" he said, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. "Is watching it really fucking necessary?!"
"Then let's watch something else."
A new memory, one Naruto thought of constantly. Of waking up in the middle of the night, finding that note, and falling apart.
The blonde shook his head. He wouldn't allow Itachi to do this to him. He wouldn't get inbetween them. Not again.
"He wouldn't have left if you hadn't said that shit to him."
"You already know why I had to."
"You can't convince me to let him go" Naruto said. He looked back at the Uchiha's face- the one that was imprisoning him, the one that wanted him to feel something he didn't. "I love Sasuke. That's not going to change."
"How do you know unless you try something else?"
He could feel a hand slip up his side and slowly slide up his back, sending cold tendrils of fear crawling up his spine. "D-don't" he breathed.
Naruto wanted to move, fight back- at the very least get off the man's fucking lap- but he was still frozen, helpless in his illusion. He could feel some invisible force pushing his arms down as a hand buried in his hair and grabbed the back of his head.
Itachi leaned closer and panic shot through him. "Just because it's in my head doesn't make it any less real" Naruto said hurriedly.
"Doesn't it?"
The blonde bit his lip, anxiety swirling through him.
"Then maybe it should be real."
The illusion faded and suddenly Naruto was lying in bed again and not any better off. Itachi's hand was still in his hair, while another gripped his arm tight. And he was still mere inches from his face.
"You- you said you wouldn't do this" he breathed.
Dark eyes heavy with desire stared back. "I thought you could tell when I was lying."
--
Sai glanced over and tried to give a friendly smile, but he must have done it wrong. He looked away and tried the same smile with Kakashi, and the man's eyes curved into its signature u-shape as he returned the gesture.
Huh..
Sai tried again, and again faced nothing but hostility- those fiery eyes burning right through him. He moved closer to his sensei and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Kakashi, does my smile not look friendly?"
The silver-haired jonin quirked an eyebrow at him. "Why do you ask, Sai?"
Those wide hollow eyes drifted back to the trees before them, tracking his next steps before returning to Kakashi. "I think my smile offends Sasuke."
"Ahhh.. no, Sai. Your smile is not the issue."
The pale teen had a sudden epiphany, which Kakashi was willing to bet was not correct.
"Does he not understand?" Sai murmured, trying to respect the Uchiha's privacy and avoid being overheard. "Are emotions difficult for him as well?"
Kakashi offered a sad smile behind his mask, then turned away. "No, Sai. If I had to make a guess, I bet Sasuke is feeling a lot of jealousy towards you. And that is why he doesn't want to accept your friendliness."
"Jealousy?" Sai thought back to the books he had been reading. He remembered coming across that feeling many times in his studies, and at one point he thought he had even felt it, but it was difficult to tell for sure. "Why would Sasuke be jealous of me?"
Kakashi's gaze slid over to the quiet Uchiha before returning to his curious pupil. "Well Sai, I think that has something to do with Naruto."
"Naruto" he repeated, feeling even more confused.
The jonin nodded, and an idea came to mind- a wicked one, but he couldn't resist. Besides, it might be good if Sasuke remembers just how much he cares about Naruto. Right..?
Kakashi kept his focus on the path before them and on the person by his side, but he made sure he spoke loud enough for another certain dark-haired boy to hear as well. It's for his own good.
"You got to spend time with Naruto when Sasuke couldn't" he said, his voice projecting through the clearing. "I'm sure it bothers him that the two of you got so close over the last couple years."
He could see the raven fuming out of the corner of his eye, and couldn't help but to "poke the bear"- so to speak.
"Naruto used to really only have Sasuke, but that's completely different now" Kakashi continued, eyes shining with mischief just beneath the feigned innocence that Sai couldn't see past. "Sasuke has become all but a stranger to him. And the one person Naruto has had apart from me for the past couple years.. is you, Sai."
Sasuke suddenly flickered out of view and reappeared directly in front of his apparent rival. He shoved him hard, sending him flying back against a tree. The impact was brutal, but Sai seemed relatively unscathed by it. He straightened and dipped his head to the side as Sasuke's fist came flying towards him. His wide blank stare focused in on the raven, studying him with that childlike interest only Sai could manage.
"You seem angry, Sasuke."
"Shut up" he growled, his palms filling with sharp electricity, its light blinding, its sound piercing. And yet Sai didn't flinch back from it. Nor did he prepare an attack of his own. He just stood there, watching him curiously.
It pissed the Uchiha off to no end.
"Are you jealous of me, Sasuke?"
Crimson eyes narrowed and he raised his hand, but once again Kakashi stepped in to block him. "Move" he snapped.
"You're the one who left, Sasuke. Did you really expect Naruto to never make another friend?"
"Friend" he repeated. His eyes shot over to the pale teen standing quietly behind Kakashi. "And I suppose it's just a coincidence that he looks like me."
"That's exactly what it is."
"Right." He turned his attention back to the friend. "If you thought you could replace me, you're sorely fucking mistaken."
"I didn't know I was supposed to" Sai replied honestly, "he never brought you up."
"What the fuck did you just say?!"
"Sasuke. Calm down. Naruto and Sai are just friends."
Sasuke shifted out of view and appeared behind the pale teen, who once again didn't seem at all concerned by the sudden threat. Not when he stood close, nor when he pressed a kunai firmly against his throat.
Ignoring Kakashi's shouting, the Uchiha leaned in, bringing his mouth close to Sai's ear. "Naruto is mine" he growled.
"You would do well to remember that."
--
"Please don't" Naruto breathed, horrified as the Uchiha leaned in, "don't be like-"
Itachi paused. "Like who, Naruto? Those villagers?"
He flinched.
"Or are you talking about Sasuke?"
"That wasn't him!" he shouted, shoving his arm between them, trying to keep him back. "Orochimaru was controlling him!"
"Was he.. but how much of that was the snake and how much was Sasuke?"
Naruto's eyes shot up to meet his.
"You don't really know, do you?"
He could see the blonde struggle with the reality of that, could see him want to defend Sasuke but there must have been just enough doubt already there. Something from their past perhaps..
"Naruto" Itachi's grip on the back of his head tightened, holding him steady as his mouth got close enough to share breath. "What do you think Sasuke would do if he was here instead?" He watched his face carefully, wanting to see every emotion pass over it. "Would he stop because you told him to?"
"Yes" he said weakly, "he would stop."
The hand on his arm clenched down hard, forcing a gasp from his lips.
"I doubt that" Itachi said, "and I think you do too."
He loosened his hold on the blonde and let him wrench himself free. He watched as Naruto hurriedly scrambled back to the far side of the bed, desperate to put as much space between them as he could. Itachi didn't like seeing him go, hated seeing how badly he wanted to get away from him, but that had always been his intention. He wanted to push the blonde, see how he would react. It was no lie- he was rather inticed by him. The desire was sudden, sharp, and incredibly real. He wanted him- he felt it, and he knew he showed it. But Itachi was not someone who would lose himself in the process.
That was the lie.
"I- I don't understand" Naruto breathed. "What is all of this? Why are you doing this?"
Pulled from his musings, Itachi looked over at the nervous blonde. He slowly sat up, never taking his eyes off his face. He could see him mentally preparing himself to flee, to fight back if he made a move, and was surprised by just how much it hurt to see it.
"I told you" Itachi said gently, his voice far softer than his eyes, "I am not my little brother. I will not force myself on you."
Naruto flinched. "I already fucking told you, that wasn't him!! And you- you said you were lying!"
The Uchiha raised an eyebrow. "The lie was that I was going to force you."
Blue eyes widened. "What..? Are you kidding me?! Why the hell would you do that?!"
"Curiosity."
"You're a fucking asshole."
"And yet I was the one who stopped when you wanted me to."
Naruto stared at him, utterly bewildered and overwhelmed. He didn't understand why Itachi would do all of this.
What the hell is he after? What does he really want?
He was afraid of those answers, afraid to get him riled up again after he finally broke free from him. And he wasn't sure what to think in all of this. Was it always Itachi's intention to let him go, or did some semblance of a conscience finally snap into place?
"I don't know what to believe.." he finally said.
Itachi blinked. "I showed you the truth."
"Yeah, while you were fucking messing with me! You show me some memories and then fuck with my head, and you expect me to just.."
His voice trailed off, pulled away from him- just like everything else. "I don't understand."
"I do like you, Naruto."
He slowly raised his head, mostly to keep an eye on the raven, but also surprised by the sincerity in his voice. It.. silenced him. Made him want to hear what he had to say, despite everything that happened. Because he hated feeling like this- so confused, so.. lost. He just wanted answers. He wanted to not feel like the only one left in the dark.
"The memories I showed you are real. The Hidden Leaf ordered me to kill my clan, and I did convince them to spare Sasuke's life. They did force me to take the fall for it in exchange, and I do not regret that choice. I have terrorized my little brother because I was desperate to get him stronger, and I needed him to be just as desperate. I.. do have some regrets with that. I didn't trust the elders to keep their word, but I caused more harm than I realized."
"That's a fucking understatement.." Naruto mumbled.
Itachi didn't seem upset by it- he knew he deserved it and that he wasn't wrong. And right now, he was pretty hellbent on getting the truth out.
"It is true that I left the Akatsuki. They labeled me a traitor because I freed the jinchurki prisoners before their tailed beasts' chakra could be fully removed. They tried to kill me." His eyes hardened. "They failed."
"So what is the real reason that I'm here..?" Naruto asked, not sure he was ready to hear another truth.
"I saw Kabuto and Orochimaru bring you into that hideout, and I knew it had something to do with Sasuke. I have been keeping an eye on him ever since I heard that he went to Orochimaru to train. I needed to make sure that snake didn't attempt to make him his next vessel. I assumed he brought you there to make sure Sasuke wouldn't have a choice."
"Wait, what?! You knew that's what he was doing?"
"Of course. Orochimaru used to be with the Akatsuki; I know what kind of person he is."
Naruto's eyes widened. "I didn't know that.. I researched that snake for months! How did I not know that?"
Itachi raised an eyebrow. "I see. So you wanted him to capture you."
"Of course I did! I knew Sasuke was with him."
"Interesting.." He tilted his head, long raven hair brushing against the bed as he studied the enigmatic blonde. "I saw them bring you into their hideout, but I didn't realize that you had planned it that way."
"I'm not as fucking useless and feeble as I seem" Naruto bit back. "I knew what I was doing going in there. And it almost worked. If Orochimaru hadn't taken over Sasuke's body, I would have been able to convince him to do it."
"And what exactly would you have convinced him to do?"
"Kill Orochimaru and return to the Leaf."
"The former, I have no doubt he would have done. Especially for you."
Naruto could feel heat rise in his face and was immediately self-conscious about it. He turned his head away, letting long blonde locks hide his embarrassment.
"But the latter was never going to happen."
Naruto jerked his head back to glare over at him. "That's not true! I can get him to come back!"
"Not while I'm still alive."
"I-" He paused, a thought suddenly flooding his head. "Wait, do you want Sasuke to kill you?"
"He'll be far more powerful once he has the Mangekyou Sharingan."
Naruto stared, unblinking, like he was looking at something he had never seen before- a part of the universe unchartered, a species undiscovered. It was so foreign that he couldn't even try to make sense of it.
"Are you insane?!" he shouted, finally finding his voice again. "You want him to kill his own brother? What the hell does that have to do with his eyes?!"
"Developing something as powerful and destructive as the Mangekyou requires incredible pain and loss. He has to destroy someone close to him- a death that comes with so much remorse it shatters something inside. That is where the Mangekyou comes from."
Naruto shook his head. "That doesn't make sense. Sasuke hates you- he would never feel guilty for it, not to that extent at least."
"Maybe not at first" the Uchiha agreed. He scooted closer again, ignoring the blonde's returning fear. "That's where you come in, Naruto." He tapped the blonde's temple with two fingers and watched as the realization filled those deep blue pools.
"That's why you wanted me to see those memories" he breathed. "You want Sasuke to see them after.."
Naruto's eyes flashed with sudden rage. He slapped his hand away and went to hit him, but Itachi grabbed his wrist, stopping him.
"You're angry."
"Of course I'm fucking angry!" Naruto shouted. "You want Sasuke to know all of that after he kills you?! Do you have any idea what that will do to him?!"
"Yes. I do." Crimson slowly leaked back into his onyx stare, his own Mangekyou revealing itself. "Power demands sacrifice, Naruto."
The blonde jerked his wrist free and turned away, revulsion swirling in his gut. "Is that what you told yourself when you got yours?"
Two fingers pressed firmly against his face, bringing his attention back. "A memory for another time" Itachi murmured. "Though I'd assumed by now you would have realized that your assumptions about me are less than accurate."
Naruto could see a hint of pain in his eyes, a brief window into his past before he forced the blinds down and drowned it in darkness. Whatever happened to him for his own Mangekyou to appear, it was clearly something that he still struggled with.
He's not the monster he wants everyone to believe he is. Sometimes it's easy to see that, and sometimes it is really difficult to remember.
"Do you regret getting those eyes?" Naruto asked quietly. "Was.. was whatever happened, whatever sacrifice you made, really worth it?"
Itachi's hand retracted like he was slapped. He turned away from the blonde, keeping his face hidden as he got off the bed, but Naruto could see that he was shaken. And he was torn. Itachi still scared the shit out of him, and he was still very much his prisoner. He made that clear constantly, especially today. And yet part of him felt the need to help him, to comfort him.
What the fuck is going on with me? Why should I care how he feels? I am locked up in his house!
Now is not the time to go soft, Naruto.
"Itachi."
The raven looked over his shoulder, one dark eye peering out from behind long ebony strands. He was careful to keep his expression blank, a mask perfectly in place, waiting to see why his captive would call out for him.
Waiting, and refusing to hope.
"Sasuke deserves the truth first."
The Uchiha eyed him silently for a while before finally responding.
"You're the one in his head, Naruto. If you want him to see- show him. But my plans have not changed. What I show Sasuke will be quite different."
He turned away, refusing to show the pain that suddenly burrowed in his chest and pulsed behind his eyes. He moved towards the door, a final thought falling from his lips as he left.
"Let's see who he listens to first."