Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 49: Avoid
--
Naruto couldn't sleep. Which was not surprising, to him or anyone else. Nor did it shock any of them to see the blonde wander off from the campsite in the middle of the night, favoring the shadows of the forest. The Nine Tails was finally able to heal his horrific wounds, and now that he could freely walk on his feet that's all he seemed to want to do. He almost always did so alone, which didn't surprise them either. They assumed that he had a lot on his mind- things that even Sasuke wasn't privy too.
It was clear that Naruto just needed time. Time to manage his thoughts and feelings, and to confront the things he had gone through. Apart from Kakashi and Sasuke, the team really only knew that Naruto had been held captive for nearly a month with Itachi and that he was Orochimaru's prisoner before that.
Two of Konohagakure's most feared rogue nins..
Who knew what kind of torment he had been subjected to. There was much speculation throughout the camp, how could there not be, but they were careful not to utter it around them. Naruto for obvious reasons, Sasuke because he still terrified them, and Kakashi.. well.. when he came back with Itachi's blood splattered across his face and neck, he made quite an impression. Which was that under no circumstance should you ever get between him and Naruto.
They weren't exactly afraid of Kakashi, but they sure as fuck weren't about to test it either.
So, yes. Sleepless nights were to be expected. As was Naruto's uncharacteristic silence.
Lee and Kiba had tried to interact with him initially, but neither were surprised when he shut them out and walked away. They weren't all that close to begin with, so having them see him at his worst just put too much strain on a young friendship.
Sai, on the otherhand, went into it with high hopes that Naruto would confide in him and seek his comfort- things that he had read were common reactions between friends who have been apart for a long time. But he couldn't even get the blonde to acknowledge him. Kakashi had tried to reassure him. He explained that it would take time for Naruto to go back to his old self again, but that wasn't what Sai was after. He didn't want to be comforted- he wanted to be that person for Naruto. He just.. wished he wanted that too.
Yamato and Kakashi were the only two who seemed to really accept Naruto's sudden silence. They understood what a comrade needed from his team after returning from a brutal mission. Their own countless traumas made it much easier to empathize with Naruto's situation, even if they didn't know it fully. Which is why he often gravitated to them. He found reassurance in their quiet, distant consideration. And he appreciated the space they gave him.
Occasionally Naruto would need something more. He would draw closer to them as a fire dulled to embers, or would drop his head against Kakashi's chest and allow himself to be held. These moments were far and few between, and that didn't bother them. Nor did his continuous silence. Maybe because they had become pretty accustomed to it with another teammate as well.
Sasuke also had very little to say, which was not surprising considering he was their prisoner. He had been more vocal in the beginning, mostly death threats and promises of horrific pain, but they fell on deaf ears. His voice no longer mattered, and so he fell silent. Maybe he was just saving his energy for an escape attempt, or maybe he had accepted his fate.
… Maybe he had succumbed to the same overwhelming sadness that had silenced Naruto.
Or maybe he was angry with himself for getting caught in the first place. For letting his guard down when he knew better than to trust people from the Hidden Leaf. He had been distracted by Itachi's sudden death- a fate he had fought so hard to deliver with his own hands, one that he had been cruelly robbed of. His vengeance had been taken from him so that Kakashi could have his.
It made him feel so fucking cold inside.. so empty. So much of his life, so many horrible choices he had made, had been for the sake of one thing- killing his brother and avenging his fallen clan. And now everything he had sacrificed for felt so meaningless. He had betrayed Naruto, abandoned him to face so much pain alone, joined a bastard like Orochimaru... had put Naruto in this position in the first place.. and now all of that was for nothing.
And the reality of that had completely consumed him.
So much so, that he didn't see Yamato until it was too late.
Kakashi moved first, so fast he hadn't even noticed. One moment he was holding Naruto in his arms, the next he was kneeling in front of Sasuke. The raven jumped, surprised by his sudden appearance. When he looked up, he saw those mismatched eyes colder than they had ever been. It sent a chill down his spine. A warning- and he should have acted on it. But like a fool, he didn't. Kakashi snapped a chakra block closed around his ankle and grabbed his arms as Yamato relieved him of his weapons. Then Kakashi pinned him down while Yamato got to work building him a cell.
Sasuke had screamed with rage, all of the horror of the last month tearing out of his chest. He lashed out as hard as he could, but there was no use. He had been overpowered. Without his chakra, his weapons, he was left as hopeless and defeated as Naruto had been.
Naruto.
Dark eyes shot up, searching for his blonde, for his only hope of getting out of this. Their eyes met, but there was something there he didn't understand. He tried to push into his mind, but Naruto kept him out. "Naruto..?"
The blonde didn't shy away from those pained eyes, but he didn't allow himself to get swayed by them either. "I'm sorry, Sasuke.."
Then Kakashi threw him forward and the wooden bars of Yamato's makeshift prison closed in around him, isolating him from the rest. And most importantly, from Naruto. The person he had come all this way to save. The love of his life, then and now.
The one turning away from him.
Something had happened to him- clearly more than Sasuke realized. And if he was ever going to get another chance with Naruto, he would have to find out what that was.
He just hoped he'd still have a chance to.
--
Sasuke sat against one of the many posts of his prison, fashioning another noose. He didn't intend on using it, he was simply bored and looking for a reaction. He had stripped the rope from around his waist and busied himself with it- like an entertainer with a cart full of potential balloon animals.
Maybe it was because he was feeling dejected, maybe because he wanted Naruto to worry, maybe he's just a dark and demented fuck- he wasn't sure which one carried the most weight. All he knew was that his rope had become a noose countless time, and likely would be countless more.
Maybe if I make enough of them, I'll find the courage to use it.
Shut up.
Naruto..?
Who else would it be?
Does this mean you'll finally talk to me?
I haven't decided.
Did I.. did I do something wrong?
He could sense Naruto sighing. Could see him walk further into the forest despite the dimming light, moving away from the camp alone- as he always did.
Naruto, please just talk to me.
We are talking.
Sasuke paused. It was the first time he had said anything to him, mentally or otherwise, in three days. He didn't want to ruin it. Is there a reason why you're avoiding me? he thought slowly, choosing his words carefully before thinking them.
No. Yes.
Sasuke's hands froze, his noose left unfinished as he raised an eyebrow at the contradictory thought. Which one is it?
Both, Naruto thought before he could stop himself.
Naruto, I really am sorry for leaving you like that. It.. it was awful of me. And I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just hope you can-
Naruto sighed again. That's not it, Sasuke.
Then what's on your mind?
Naruto channeled chakra to his feet and slowly, somberly, walked up a massive oak. He settled in on one of its branches, his back pressed firmly against its trunk- much like how Sasuke sat in Yamato's wooden contraption. He threw his head back and looked up. He peered through the sparse branches above him to find the night sky, trying not to think about the last time he had gazed at the stars.
Just because you can hear what I'm thinking doesn't mean you get to know every thought.
Sasuke didn't like this answer, but he was trying to stay patient. Freaking out over Naruto's noncompliance was not going to get him to open up. You're hurting, the raven thought. Because of Itachi.
He could feel Naruto flinch when he thought his name.
I'm sorry for what he did to you. He used you to try to get me to react. You shouldn't have been put in the middle of any of this. It's my fault that he-
No. Naruto shook his head, his eyes still locked on the flickering lights above- resilient against the darkness. It's not your fault, Sasuke. It's just.. a complicated situation.
Complicated, he repeated. Complicated how?
He could feel Naruto shut him out again, keeping his thoughts tightly sealed. He had learned back in Orochimaru's hideout how good Naruto had gotten at that. Now that his chakra was no longer blocked, his body no longer weakened, his mind had regained that strength as well.
I wish you wouldn't keep me out.
Maybe I'm doing you a favor, Naruto thought back.
Even in their heads, his voice sounded hollow.. drained. Like he was numb to everything. Maybe it's easier that way, Sasuke thought.
Not wanting to feel isn't the same as being numb. I'm not numb; I'm just.. tired.
I know.
Sasuke threw his head back and peered up at the sky through the bars of his enclosure. The same starry night that Naruto was trying to lose himself in. I wish I could hold you..
He could feel a heavy sadness weigh on the blonde before he shut down that emotion too. I don't think I'm ready for that.
Sasuke couldn't help but think about Kakashi, how he had rushed over to Naruto and held him, how Naruto had wrapped his arms around him and cried as Kakashi murmured sweet reassurances.
The despondent blonde rolled his eyes. Kakashi is like a dad to me. I imagine what you want isn't the same.
I'm not asking for anything more, Sasuke thought, his own sadness weighing heavy in his chest. I just want to hold you. I.. never got the chance to before.
It was true. He had rushed through Itachi's barrier to save Naruto only to find him already in the heat of a fight. Kyuubi was in full control at that point and had no interest in comfort or in having Sasuke fight for him.
He had tried- fighting that is. He wanted to rip Itachi apart for what he had done to Naruto, but he never got the chance. Kyuubi blocked him every step of the way and Kakashi had dealt the final blow. And before Sasuke could even process what happened, he had been locked away- separated from his blonde all over again.
Naruto understood why he was upset, why he wanted to be close to him. He missed Sasuke too. He also craved the chance to be in his arms- to feel his fingers run through his hair and slide down his neck. He wanted to look up and find those dark eyes staring back at him. Wanted to lean in and see Sasuke doing the same, feel their lips meet, gently, hesitantly, before passion overtook them. He missed that closeness, but he just couldn't. Not right now, not while everything was still so fresh in his mind- the trauma.. and the truth.
I miss you too, Sasuke, he admitted, but I can't. Not yet.
Sasuke turned away from the brightness of the stars, and the warmth and light the campfire close by emitted. He chose the darkness and the cold, familiar feelings- things he had chosen a long time ago. He sat in the silence of his prison and his pain for a while before another thought finally slipped free. It'd be nice to see your face, Naruto.
When the blonde stayed quiet, he added, I don't know what they plan on doing to me when we get back to the Leaf. I'm a prisoner, and I know too much. For all I know, the elders will give me the same sentence they gave the rest of the Uchihas.
That's not true! He could sense Naruto jump to his feet, his eyes wide with alarm. They wouldn't..
Wouldn't what? Sasuke shot back. Kill innocent people? Get rid of someone who's truth could destroy their perfect image? Are you kidding? That's what they have done to every Uchiha. I am the only exception. And now I'm being brought back as a traitor and a prisoner with information that they have kept hidden for over a decade. Truths they buried with my entire bloodline.
Yes, Naruto.
They would.
And they will.
--
Sasuke's words consumed his thoughts all night and throughout the next morning until he couldn't stand it any longer. "Kakashi, I need to talk to you." He glanced around them. "Alone."
The jonin raised an eyebrow, clearly concerned. Naruto hadn't been this adamant about anything- not since he first discovered that Sasuke had joined Orochimaru. Not since he left to find him. "Sure, Naruto. Let's veer off for a bit."
He told Yamato and the others to go on ahead without them, and left Sasuke in their capable hands, before pulling Naruto off the path and further into the forest. Naruto stopped when he felt like they were far enough to not be overheard and Kakashi stopped with him.
"What's going on?"
Naruto fidgeted, wringing his hands together, clearly nervous about asking. Kakashi reached out and gently clasped his restless fingers. "It's just me, Naruto. Tell me what's on your mind."
Sasuke had asked him the same thing less than twelve hours ago, but he was more inclined to share his thoughts with Kakashi. There was less at stake that way.
"What will happen to Sasuke when we get back?"
Kakashi studied the blonde quietly for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond. Truth be told, he didn't know. But he could understand his concern. Sasuke had gone MIA, had joined Orochimaru, and had learned some things about Itachi that the guy was clearly meant to take to the grave. If the village elders saw him as a liability, they could order his execution. It wouldn't be the first time they killed to keep a secret, to maintain what they were so quick to label as "peace".
Kakashi knew all about it. It was why he had sought a way out of being Anbu in the first place.
"Sasuke will be fine" he said instead, dropping what he hoped was a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder.
Naruto clearly didn't believe him, and he wasn't about to let Kakashi dodge the question. He shoved his hand away. "Don't lie to me" he said, his voice sharp and more alive than it had been in a long time. "I want to know what they'll do to him." He narrowed his eyes. "The truth, Kakashi."
The jonin dragged his fingers through his hair, feeling uncomfortable. "I.. I don't know for sure" he finally admitted. "If I had to guess, he'll probably be placed in a cell and interrogated."
"You mean tortured" Naruto snapped. He was well aware of how those people treated their prisoners, the kinds of things they did to try to get information from them. He couldn't imagine looking the other way while Sasuke faced that same fate. "I won't let that happen to him."
"If you're asking me to let him go, the answer is no."
"That's not what I'm asking."
"Then what are you asking?"
Naruto's huge blue eyes stared up at him, in the same way he knew he could never refuse. Goddammit.
"I want you to have my back. Like you always do."
Kakashi sighed. "I assume you're going to propose something that the Hokage will want to reject."
"Maybe at first" Naruto said innocently, "but you'll have my back, right Kakashi? You'll help me?"
"And what exactly am I helping you do?"
Naruto grabbed his hand, holding it tight between his cold, shaky fingers.
Still so nervous. He must think I won't like what he has to say, Kakashi thought. I have a bad feeling about this..
"I want to convince her that there's a better way. Sasuke shouldn't be imprisoned. He should be rehabilitated."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Meaning..?"
"I think he should be put under house arrest."
"Naruto…"
"We can use a barrier or some kind of chakra block thing or both- I don't know."
The jonin still looked doubtful, making him feel desperate.
"Please, Kakashi. I can't.. I can't let him get thrown in a cell. You know what they're like. Are you really ok seeing that happen to Sasuke?"
He wasn't. Of course he wasn't. He was irritated with the raven for bailing on Naruto like that, for having the nerve to think he could force him to leave Konoha, but that didn't mean he wanted to see him suffer. Sasuke and Naruto were like his kids- Naruto more so because they spent so much time together, but Sasuke was closer to him first. If he hadn't left, it would have stayed that way.
"Ok" he said, watching some semblance of happiness bloom in those cerulean eyes- which immediately made it worth it. "I'll help you convince Tsunade to put him under house arrest instead."
"Really? You will?"
He nodded. "But Naruto, you need to prepare yourself."
The blonde tilted his head, his brows furrowed with confusion. "What do you mean?"
"She might say no anyways" he said bluntly. "And if she says yes, she might have her own stipulations. Ones that you might not like."
Naruto was just as confused. "Like what?"
Kakashi said he didn't know, that they would just have to wait and see what she said, but he did have an idea.
And he was pretty sure Naruto wasn't going to like it.
You are the only one who has managed to bring out his lighter side, the one who can get through to him.
And more than that- you are connected to his mind. You can infiltrate his thoughts.
If she agrees to let him stay home, Kakashi thought, she will probably want you to stay there with him.