Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 53: Understand
--
"Sasuke..?"
Naruto shakily got to his feet, wide terrified eyes locked on the raven. His blood went cold as he took a step closer. Sasuke wasn't moving. He couldn't hear his thoughts, didn't see him twitch- nothing.
Fuck.
Naruto rushed over and dropped to his knees beside him, and his stomach dropped with him. Sasuke's eyes were closed, his mouth expressionless. One arm was thrown over his stomach, another lay outstretched at his side, his palm facing up.
"Sasuke?" Naruto carefully brushed his dark hair away from his porcelain pale, tracing over every line with terrified blues. "Sasuke, h-hey. Come on, talk to me. Pl-please.." He brought his hand over to his lips and breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he felt warm air graze his knuckles.
Ok, he's breathing.
..But then, why isn't he waking up?
Sasuke? Please say something. Can you hear me?
Still no response.
"Maybe he's-"
hurt.
His breath snagged in his throat, eyes widening with horror. The dark pool around his head was growing. Naruto had thought it was just his long hair splayed out around him, but that.. that was something else. He reached out, his hand trembling. He already knew what it was before his fingertips touched the sticky substance, before his hand came back red.
Oh my god..
What have I done..?
"Ok.. ok, I can fix this. I just need to get you to the hospital." He knew moving someone with a head injury was not a good idea, but he didn't have a whole lot of options. He needed to move fast, and there was no one else around to help.
I just need to stop the bleeding first. Then I'll be able to carry him.
Naruto thought for a moment, searching his brain for any feasible idea. He dragged his shaky hand through his hair, and that's when it hit him.
Yeah.. yeah, ok. That might actually work.
Naruto sent a stream of chakra to his hand and very gently slipped it to the back of Sasuke's head. He could feel warm blood pooling in his palm, and tried not to think about the extent of his injury.
Just focus, he told himself. Sasuke needs you.
He steadied his chakra as he pressed his hand firmly against the gash in his head, and managed to stave off the bleeding. It wouldn't heal him, but it should contain the injury until it could be treated.
Naruto quickly pulled the unconscious raven into his arms, checked to make sure his head was still being protected, then shot as much of his and Kyuubi's chakra into his legs.
"Hang in there, Sasuke."
He leapt from the house.. and remembered the barrier.
Fuck.
It was a fifty-fifty chance that Kyuubi's power would be able to break through it. They have trained a lot together over the years and had managed to successfully bust through a number of seemingly impossible obstacles along the way, but he didn't know anything about this one. They were leaping into the unknown, truly, and they needed it to fall in their favor for once.
Kyuubi, help me out. Please. I have to get him out of here.
Naruto knew he was reluctant to help Sasuke, but the stubborn fox was also very aware of how much he meant to him. He might not like it, but he wouldn't let the Uchiha die. He couldn't do that to Naruto.
Harsh orange energy suddenly surrounded the blonde, pulling his mouth taut and making the skin on his arms raw. He threw his head back and screamed as they leapt towards the barrier..
.. and shot straight through it.
--
"Nnnn.. where am I?"
Naruto leapt from his chair and raced over to his bedside, eyes wide. "Sasuke? Thank fucking god.."
The raven blinked the clouds from his vision until he could see his blonde clearly. He turned his head to get a better look at him, but a sudden sharp pain made him falter. He flinched and all the color drained from Naruto's face.
Sasuke looked up in time to see those blue eyes fill with fresh panic.
"Are you in pain? The drugs shouldn't have worn off already. Hold on!"
He ran to the door and threw it open. "Nurse!! Nurse! He's awake- he needs more meds!"
"Naruto, it's ok. I'm-"
His words died on his tongue as the blonde bolted from the room, anxious to track someone down to help.
Sasuke stared after him and gave a small smile. You're pretty cute sometimes, he thought, assuming Naruto was too far to hear.
He could sense him blushing and realized his mistake.
You.. hit your head pretty hard, Sasuke.
Doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Naruto shut him out, either overwhelmed by what he said or embarrassed by the sudden affection. Or maybe he was still angry with him for reacting the way he did when he saw the memories of him with Itachi. He tried not to think about that last possibility. Sasuke knew he had overreacted, and he was upset with himself for being so hostile towards him. He just couldn't handle seeing them together like that. The thought alone filled him with rage, but seeing it.. that was something else entirely.
He was hurt and angry and he took it out on Naruto.. and that was wrong. They needed to talk about it. If nothing else, he needed to give him a chance to explain. Sasuke had a feeling that there was more to all of this, more that Naruto wanted to share with him. If he freaked out on him again, he would never tell him the rest.
Keep it together, he told himself. Don't ruin things anymore than you already have.
Naruto heard the thought, but kept silent.
He didn't want to ruin things either.
--
A nurse finally stepped into his room with an anxious blonde hot on her heels. She checked his vitals and administered more drugs to take the edge off, then reassured him that a doctor would be in soon to check his progress. As soon as she left, Naruto moved back to the chair he was sitting on before.
Or rather, he started to.
Sasuke reached out fast and grabbed his wrist, stopping him before he could make it back. "Don't go."
Naruto turned back to stare at him, eyes wide with surprise. "I'm not leaving, Sasuke. I'm just going to sit right there."
The Uchiha shook his head, then winced. Naruto flinched, guilt rushing through him at the sight of his pain.
"Sit here" Sasuke said softly, "with me. Please."
Naruto was hesitant, but finally gave in. He was the reason Sasuke was in here in the first place. He supposed the least he could do was comfort him.
Sasuke scooted over slightly, making room, even though Naruto insisted that wasn't necessary. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling nervous. The last time they had been in the hospital together, Naruto had been the patient and he had asked Sasuke to kiss him. And they had done a lot of it. When he met the Uchiha's eyes, he could tell he was thinking about the same thing.
Both of them kept their thoughts blocked, but their eyes said plenty.
Sasuke slid his hand forward and gently interwined their fingers together. Naruto started to pull away, but his hold tightened.
"Sasuke.."
"Don't push me away."
The blonde swallowed. "After everything you saw.. how could you still want this?" How could you still want me..?
"I can't change how I feel. Not then, and not now."
I.. I thought you'd hate me..
Sasuke's hand slid up his arm and grabbed the crook of his elbow before yanking him in. Naruto gasped as he was suddenly pulled forward and threw his hand out to stop himself from falling on top of Sasuke.
"Sa-"
His words tangled in his throat. He couldn't look away from him, from those dark haunted eyes filled with so much pain, so much longing. He knew he shouldn't get too close too fast, but Sasuke had been hard to resist back when he was still just a naïve kid. He was a lot harder to turn away from now that he was a man. Naruto's chest seized under the heat of his stare and he could feel his entire body tense up as Sasuke's hand sank into his hair, urging him forward.
I could never hate you, Naru.
"This isn't a good idea." Naruto tried to pull away, but Sasuke kept a firm grip on his arm and the hand in his blonde mane wasn't going anywhere either.
"I don't want to be without you anymore" Sasuke said. He looked up, finding those uncertain blues. Never again, Naruto.
The blonde shook his head, his eyes sliding to the floor. "There's no way you can just forget all of.. of that. It's on your mind, I know it is. I know you're still mad- and I get it."
Sasuke's jaw tightened. "Why do you keep bringing it up?"
"Because.." because I wasn't done.
Onyx eyes narrowed, that familiar vengeful hostility crawling up the back of his throat. "What does that mean?" he snapped.
Naruto didn't answer. Instead, he focused once more on the memory of being trapped in Itachi's Mangekyou prison- his last one. He could sense Sasuke's frustration, but that wasn't going to stop him. He needed him to see the rest of it.
The memories of the two of them had finally stopped, and they were once more just sitting side by side in a dark room somewhere deep in Naruto's mind. Tears filled horrified blues, and Itachi looked away- clearly upset by the sight of them.
"Now do you understand?" he asked quietly. "You did feel something, Naruto. And because of what I did to you, your hate will help you forget all of it. Just as it did for Sasuke."
"No" the blonde choked. He shook his head vehemently as tears began to fall. "No.. that's- that's not what happened. I didn't- I wouldn't.."
"I have had mixed feelings as well" Itachi admitted. "At times I wanted to have you all to myself."
Naruto flinched.
"And then there were times when I'd remember how important you are to Sasuke, and I knew I couldn't take you from him."
"I- I was just.. confused. I missed Sasuke and you kept acting like him!"
Itachi grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I know. And I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have put you in this position in the first place." He released the blonde's hand and leaned back in his chair. He looked up at the darkness closing in, knowing that its permanence was drawing ever closer.
"I lied to you, Naruto. Sasuke does deserve to have you in his life, and you deserve Sasuke. I was.. envious of that."
Itachi glanced over, making sure that the disheartened blonde was still listening before turning his gaze back to the impending void.
"I had accepted my fate a long time ago, Naruto. I didn't think I'd have any regrets when I die. As long as it was Sasuke, I would accept it. For a long time it gave me purpose, and I held onto my fate with absolute confidence. My death would restore some of the Uchiha legacy that I had destroyed. There was honor in that." His eyes hardened. "That was everything to me."
He forced back the rush of emotions he refused to acknowledge as his heart continued to spill out of his mouth. "But I started to think I was missing something.. something else that would have made life worth living. And I saw the chance to have it."
He could see Naruto shudder out of the corner of his eyes and turned away, seeking comfort in the darkness. He deserved nothing less, but it didn't make it any easier to bear in his final moments.
"I hurt you, deeply" Itachi went on, "and the Mangekyou isn't something Sasuke wants. I wanted to believe in my sacrifice, my cause- to live and die without remorse or regret. But now regrets seem to be all I have left.."
Fading crimson eyes slid over to the blonde. "I am not the monster either of you think I am" he said quietly. "I just thought it would be simpler that way. Your hate would help you forget that you cared, just as it did for Sasuke, and then my death wouldn't cause you pain."
"Then why did you show me all of this? Why would you.. why would you put this in my head?"
Itachi sighed. "I.. I didn't want to leave this world without having a single person care about my demise."
Naruto's eyes shot up at that. "Itachi.. I-"
The raven shook his head. "There's no need to say more, Naruto. Just.. don't let this get in the way of your happiness. Trust your feelings, no matter who they are for."
Something pained flashed in those deep blues, but Itachi was almost out of time, so he quickly continued.
"No matter how powerful you become, don't try to shoulder everything alone. It is ok to be selfish when it comes to these things." Itachi dropped a hand on his head and finally met his eyes. He could see the pain in them, could read every emotion that flashed through them, and it reflected in his own.
He leaned forward and offered a small, strained smile. "Do not wait until it's too late to care about your own happiness, Naruto." He gently tucked a blonde lock behind his ear, forcing himself to meet those teary eyes staring up at him. "You'd be surprised how quickly those chances slip away.."
Then Naruto was suddenly shot out of his own head and back into reality, where Kakashi had a blade buried in Itachi's chest, and he knew he was gone.
Sasuke didn't say anything as he watched the rest of the memory play out, and when it was done he was left utterly speechless. He didn't know what to say- about any of it. The intimacy between the two of them still made him uncomfortable, and he could feel his anger stirring, but mostly he was just.. shocked. He had not seen this side of Itachi since he was little and even then, not to this extent.
"I don't know what to say" he admitted. His hand slipped from Naruto's hair and fell back into his lap. Both of them stared at it, both missing the comfort it offered.
Naruto could feel his other hand retracting from his own and quickly grabbed onto it. "Are you mad at me?" he asked hurriedly.
"No."
But..?
"I wish you could have just hated him" Sasuke murmured. "I don't want him to be anything but a monster." He gritted his teeth together, struggling to keep his emotions in check. "It's just easier that way."
"I know" Naruto whispered.
Their eyes met and something passed between them- an understanding.
One deeper than words or thoughts could have offered. A connection beyond the one that had brought them together when they were sixteen, and continued to tether their minds now. It was fragile, this newfound understanding. It could definitely be torn to shreds with the wrong thought, a misplaced memory.. Hell, even just their tempers could prove to be a problem.
But it was a start.