Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.

It's All In Your Head

Chapter 57: Promise

--

Naruto stared up at the main house of the Uchiha estate- a vast, daunting structure with a shadow consuming half of the walkway leading to it. Dark windows warded off potential guests, and dark panels foreshadowed an utter lack of warmth within. As they moved closer to the front door, they were greeted by the remnants of a long-forgotten garden and decrepit shrubbery that further hinted to the house's abandonment.

At one time this place felt like home to Naruto. It was a refuge- the only safe place he had in Konohagakure. But now.. now it was a hollow place filled with tainted memories and stifling concerns.

He had been able to joke with Sasuke in the hospital, and for the first half of their journey away from it, but as they drew closer to the house his trepidation grew. He stopped reacting to his teasing and then he stopped talking altogether. He could see the question in Sasuke's eyes, hear his probing thoughts, but he didn't want to voice his own. He didn't want Sasuke to know how frightened he was. How this place made him feel so.. small. Like he was tossed into the midst of an immense sea, drowning in its utter loneliness. And yet, at the same time it didn't feel like it was large enough for the two of them to live together in it.

How can this place seem so massive and yet too fucking small all at the same time..

Naruto kept the rhetorical thought to himself, knowing full well that Sasuke was already plenty aware of his anxiety. He might not completely understand it, but it was clear that he noticed. Naruto could see it in the way he studied his face- how his eyes narrowed on his chewed lips and darkened with every one of his forced smiles.

He wasn't completely sure where his panic came from either. It wasn't this bad when they first brought Sasuke here. He just suddenly had this irrational fear that if he went in that house his life would fall apart all over again. That the shadows surrounding it would consume him and he would become just another dried out husk wilting in the front yard.

The feeling was so intense that it actually made him stop midstep. Sasuke noticed the blonde falter and went back to him as Kakashi continued up the landing to unlock the front door.

"Naruto? What are you-"

He forgot what he was saying. He couldn't process anything aside from that haunted look in those cloudy blue eyes. It pained him to see it. For all of the lightness and humor to suddenly fade as they approached the house they had once made into a home. One that he had hoped could become their home again.

"Naruto..?" he said softly. "What's going on with you?"

His eyes cleared and he blinked everything back into focus. "Nothing. It's.. it's nothing."

What is the point of lying when you look like that?

Like what?

Like you're walking into a nightmare.

"Maybe I am.." he murmured.

He didn't mean to say it out loud but he did, and it clearly hurt Sasuke to hear it. His thoughts and voice were silenced by the blonde's sudden coldness, and he took the lead the rest of the way without looking back at him.

Guilt curled in Naruto's stomach as he followed and he chose to silence his own thoughts as well. He didn't want to share his fears, and he couldn't figure out how to get rid of them, so it was just easier to keep to himself. He didn't like hurting Sasuke, so it was probably better to push him away from this. For now, at least.

Kakashi had already walked in, and they were about to do the same when Sasuke's arm suddenly shot out, barring his way. "Tell me what's bothering you."

Naruto tried to push his arm down, but Sasuke grabbed his wrist and pulled it away. "Naruto." Talk to me.

I'm just.. he shook his head, I don't know. Afraid I guess..

Of what?

Naruto looked away.

Making the same mistakes.

--

"You really don't have to leave" Naruto said. He tried to sound casual but even he could hear the falseness in his voice. A hint of desperation that made it sound more like a plea than a suggestion.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as Kakashi arched a brow. "Is there any particular reason why you want me to stay?"

Naruto forced a smile. "Ah, no. No, I just didn't want you to feel like you couldn't stay. You know.. If you wanted to."

Kakashi eyed him curiously, but Sasuke interrupted before he could press further. "It's late, Naruto. We should let him go home and get some rest."

The blonde swallowed. "Yeah.. ok. Umm" he looked over at the jonin again, "when do you think you'll be back?"

"Three days."

Naruto paled, but Kakashi's attention had already switched over to Sasuke and he missed it. "I'll take over for a few hours then. I already stocked food and supplies, so you should both be set in the meantime."

Sasuke shifted over to the blonde and pulled him to his side. "Don't worry about us." He buried a hand in his hair and turned his face towards him. "That'll just give us time to reconnect. Right, Naruto?"

He met his dark gaze with wide nervous blues. "Uhhh.."

"Alright, well- you two have fun."

Naruto's head jerked up to stare after his last hope as it slipped further and further away. Shit..

Sasuke pulled him around so he could get a good look at him- dark eyes shifting away from those heavy blues, past his sun-kissed whiskered cheeks, down to soft tempting lips. He licked his own and could feel his blonde stiffen against him.

You can't already be nervous, he thought, trying to lighten the mood. I haven't even done anything yet.

Naruto's heart skipped a beat. Yet.

"I.. I need a minute." He went to push free of the raven's arm, but unfortunately the other one was no longer chained down. Sasuke kept one hand buried in honey locks as another drifted down to his waist to pull him closer. Naruto hurriedly threw his hands against his chest, forcing distance between them.

"W-wait." He took a shaky breath. I'm not ready for all of this.

"I don't expect all of it right now."

Liar.

Sasuke took one of Naruto's hands and put it around his waist. "I'm not" he said gently. "I just want to be close to you."

His hand slipped down to the back of Naruto's neck, holding it firmly. He tilted his head to get a better look at his face, at the fear that resided there and the anticipation that maybe he wasn't even aware of. "You can tell me to slow down, but don't ask me to stop" he said firmly. "Not when I finally have you back."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "I'm not the one who left in the first place, Sasuke."

The Uchiha stared at him, confused by his sudden anger. "Where is this coming from? In the hospital we were.. I thought.."

"What? That you could just say a few pretty words and then do whatever you want to me? That you wouldn't have to try? That I've just been sitting here waiting for you to want me again?"

"I never said any of that!"

"You didn't have to!" Naruto shouted. "I know what you want, Sasuke, and I know you don't want to wait for it! But guess what- I had to wait for three fucking years!"

"So, what then- you want to wait longer?!"

Naruto turned away, refusing to dignify the comment with any kind of response. He didn't want to wait in the first fucking place- that had been Sasuke's doing. It irritated him that he would put any of this on him, especially when it was his utter lack of control over it that made everything feel so overwhelming.

You still don't understand anything..

"I know you like when I hold you" Sasuke growled, "and you just said you missed me." He eyed the stubborn blonde, trying to find a way to get through to him. "Naruto.. I'm here now. So why are you fighting this?"

Naruto pulled free of his arms and took a step back. "Why the hell do you think?!" he shouted, tears pricking the corner of his eye. He ripped something free from one of his pockets and threw it in the raven's bewildered face. "That's why, asshole!"

Sasuke bent down and picked up the small white square at his feet. It was a piece of paper, folded many times over so it could fit in one small hidden pocket. He had a feeling he knew what it was, and he really didn't want to see it again, but he couldn't get his fingers to stop unfurling the note anyways.

As soon as he opened it, he wished he hadn't. The sight of it made his stomach tighten and his chest throb. Just a simple piece of parchment with so much power. And if it hurt him to see it again, he couldn't imagine how it made Naruto feel.

Dark eyes slid up to sad blue ones before drifting back down, finding its way back to the center of the paper. Two words were scrawled across it in his own hurried handwriting.

I'm sorry.

He swallowed. "Naruto, I-"

"I'm fucking scared, ok!" he shouted over him. "I don't want to do this again!"

Naruto gasped as the words tore from his chest, and splintered on his tongue. His voice came out jagged and far too honest, but he couldn't calm himself enough to do anything about it. "I can't do it again.."

Sasuke's brows furrowed over pained eyes. He took a step towards him and wasn't surprised to find him taking one back to keep his distance.

He understood, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Things were almost feeling normal between them. When he was in the hospital, it felt like they were finally getting back what they had lost. He had hoped they could just keep moving forward from there, but clearly it wasn't going to be that easy. He should have expected it, and maybe on some level he did. He just didn't like it.

"I'm sorry, Naruto.." He forced his mind to stay blank but could feel so many of his mistakes closing in on him. He shoved back his remorse and pride as he continued. "For everything. I don't know what I can do to show you how much I regret it, how horrible I feel for hurting you.."

Naruto dragged his fingers through his hair, tousling it in a way that Sasuke found extremely inticing. He made sure to hide the thought from him, but he was sure he could see it in his eyes because he quickly averted his when he spotted it.

"I have missed you, Sasuke. And I want to be around you.. but this is.. this is fucking hard. I don't know how to just forget everything. I want to try again, but what do I do with all of this..?"

Images flashed between them, and each one hurt more than the last. The note that broke Naruto, more than he had ever guessed. The villagers who used Sasuke's absence to torment him. Kabuto's brutality. Itachi's advances, and his confused feelings surrounding it. Sasuke's affection quickly becoming cruel as an unnatural smile stretched his face taut- Orochimaru shining just behind it.

None of it would have happened if Sasuke had stayed. They both knew it, and it was too late to change it. An apology wasn't enough to fix it, and it was obvious that Naruto couldn't just pretend like it didn't happen.

"I don't want to think about it anymore, but being back in this house.. it's like it's starting all over again."

"If it's starting over" Sasuke said quietly, taking a step towards his dejected blonde, "then let me do it right this time."

Naruto sighed. "I don't know what that means."

Sasuke took another step forward and lightly grasped his hand. "Trust me, like you used to." He reached out and gently lifted his chin, waiting for their eyes to meet. "I will make sure you don't regret it."

"How do I trust you.."

Sasuke intertwined their hands together as he slipped his hand from his jaw to his hair, dragging it back between his fingers. "Let me be close to you" he murmured. "Let me love you."

"I'm not ready for everything."

"I already told you. I'm not asking for everything."

Tears filled those cerulean pools, but he quickly blinked them back. "I hate that I'm like this. I'm sorry that I can't just-."

"Don't apologize." Sasuke leaned in, dark eyes flickering across his face, reading his trepidation and something else. Something desperate and beautiful and real. A sharp feeling filled his chest- not exactly pleasant, but not unpleasant either. "Just let me try."

Naruto closed his eyes as Sasuke closed the distance between them, and the chill that stole over his heart quickly began to thaw. He wanted to be cold, to protect himself from another heartache, but it hurt so much more to be apart. To pretend that he wanted anything less than this.

Naruto wrapped his arms around him and gripped him hard, terrified that he might slip away. Sasuke enveloped him in his arms and something took over. He needed Sasuke. Needed to feel connected, wanted, loved. It went against everything he just said, but now that he felt him he couldn't wait.

He shoved Sasuke's shirt up his toned stomach and Sasuke pulled away just long enough to pull it off before grabbing the blonde once more. He spun him around and pushed him up against the wall and when Naruto pressed their hips close, he took the hint. He grabbed his thighs and lifted him up, and Naruto immediately wrapped his legs around him, clinging to him.

Sasuke ravaged his mouth hungrily as he carried him down the hall and into his bedroom. He dropped a knee on the bed as he held his blonde, then gently laid him down- hoping he wouldn't make him stop.

He didn't.

He opened his mouth and, reassured, Sasuke shoved his tongue inside as he lowered himself on top of him. Naruto shivered but clung tighter, and Sasuke decided to press his luck. He sat up to remove his blonde's shirt, disheveling his unruly locks even more as he tore it free. When he looked back down he saw tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Naru.." He gently wiped them away, then dropped down on his forearms as he studied his face.

"You don't have to do this."

"I know."

"I won't hurt you."

Naruto bit his lip, forcing back fresh tears. "Promise..?"

Sasuke kissed the corner of his eye, holding back the tears with him. "I promise."

Naruto sank his trembling fingers in Sasuke's hair, as he slowly lifted his head. "Don't leave me."

Sasuke's chest clenched tight, his heart aching for his blonde. "Never again."

Then he kissed him- deeply, passionately- sealing the promise between them.

Author Note:

A little sappy, but hopefully in a good way.

Stick around lovelies~ I'm not done yet! :)