"You are serious?", Chakotay asked, still somewhat disbelieving.

"I am afraid so", Kathryn replied. She took a step forward to close the distance she herself had created mere minutes ago, yet Chakotay's raised hand stopped her. He felt as if someone had doused him in ice water, not to wake him but to freeze his very essence. His heart itself turned to ice. Vaguely, he registered emotions though he couldn't identify them.

"Since when?", he wanted to know.

"What?"

"How long have you been sick?" Chakotay asked in a dangerously patient voice.

At that she averted her gaze. "A while", she whispered.

"How long of a while is that, Captain?", he inquired stonily.

"Since Quarra", she sighed.

"Four months!" It was definitely anger that he was feeling, but he still felt detached as if somebody else was speaking. "Four months and you didn't see it fit to inform your first officer of your condition? Apparently, we are not friends anymore, but now I am only your first officer when you need me?"

"Chakotay…", Kathryn tried to interrupt but he raised his hand again.

"When do you need me to assume command?"

"I…", she faltered then squared her shoulders. "Probably in the next few days."

Chakotay received her answer with Vulcan-like stoicism. "For how long?"

"Indefinitely. Chakotay…" Once more she hoped to gain his attention, to tell him everything, but he didn't acknowledge her.

"Who knows about this?"

"On board? Only the Doctor," she answered with open honesty. Maybe he would listen to her now?

"He treats you then?" Chakotay was surprised at the relief this knowledge brought, that he still cared, even though his heart and brain felt so disconnected.

"Of course."

"You said 'on board'. Who else knows?", he growled in rekindled anger. Kathryn winced.

"Some admirals, Admiral Paris for sure. And some people at Starfleet Medical the Doctor conferred with."

"The Admiralty knows, but not your senior staff? I've never seen you display such poor judgment." Well, Kathryn could think of a moment or two (actually too many and she certainly wasn't proud of them), but this wasn't the time to remind him.

"They needed to know", she said simply.

"And, of course, we didn't." The contempt in his eyes almost let her shrink back. She knew that she had made a mistake in not telling them, in not telling him. Unfortunately, there was no going back in time, only to move forward and live with the consequences.

She longed to tell him that she had meticulously sent them all of her logs, commendations and recommendations of all her crew, but especially the former Maquis. That she had tried to get everything in order, that neither ex-Borg, nor ex-Maquis or the remnant of the Equinox crew would be persecuted, not to mention the Doctor who had far surpassed his original programming. That she had done everything in her power to ensure that Voyager would be welcomed with minimal repercussions when they finally reached the Alpha quadrant. And that the admirals would accept Chakotay as Captain of Voyager when the time came. But she knew he wouldn't listen to her, not when he was in a state like this.

"You know what, Captain? I don't care. I am not even really angry, I respect your wishes and of course I will take care of our crew. But I do pity you. You never realized that we are more than a crew, we are a family. We take care of each other. But, oh no, the mighty Captain is no part of that. You could have experienced the care and love of a family, yet you rather suffer alone." Chakotay turned to go. "Have it your way then and have fun with it!", he tossed over his shoulder when he stepped into the corridor. And then the doors closed behind him.

The nausea, held at bay for hours, threatened to overwhelm her. Hastily she stumbled into her bathroom and dispelled the meager contents of her stomach. When she struggled to stand, a wave of dizziness forced her back down. Discouraged, she rested her head on her arms. Why did it have to end like this? And a tiny thought that, maybe, all her struggles and the darkness she had endured could end there and then, wasn't entirely unwelcome. So, when the pain hit, she almost hoped that it would overwhelm her. However, the new medication, despite its side effects, was much more effective than the old regimen and the attack less severe than many she had hitherto experienced. With a groan she finally stood and managed to splash some water on her sweat and tear stained face and to change into her nightgown. Even though it was still early, she was exhausted! The combination of the side effects of the medicine and the sickness itself was unfortunate. She had to talk to the Doctor about that. Kathryn climbed into her bed and crawled under the covers, only to find that sleep eluded her. Of course, after sleeping through most of the day! Two hours later she gave up.

With a deep sigh she dragged her wary body out of bed again and after replicating some toast, fruit and water (which she hoped she would be able to keep down) she made her way to the couch and the small stack of PADDs Chakotay left there earlier. At least she would get some work done. She was still the Captain, after all.