Chapter 18: A Child's Innocence

For me, the next morning would be just like the normal routine. I'd awake early, help my wife get the kids fed, and help her clean them up before the clock turned 5:40. I'd set out to the guard barracks, conduct my usual role at the morning muster, deliver any news of the day, and set off with my men to man our posts for the day. Lately, it had been mostly gate stations and market patrols, or assignment to the watch towers, but part of our shifts on the ground level was dedicated to protecting the charity stations. The Constable had learned from the incident with Graham, and so an extra layer of protection was added around our charity workers since the refugee situation was still so chaotic. A few days later, Mr. Mathers' construction project would be completed, and the refugees would be sent there to have their needs met or persons tended to. Because of this, and because of the nature of my job, I didn't have a whole lot to say about what it was like to live with Joshua Graham on my couch.

When word eventually got out about what the Elders decided to do with Graham, it wasn't long before the question was asked, "Well where's he staying in the meantime?" I don't think it's outside the realm of probability that it was likely the Constable's personal runner contingent that started to tell people where they were tasked with taking the Burned Man's possessions after he was released from the cell. After that, it may not be any surprise that the guardsmen of my detachment and others were constantly hounding me about what it was like to live with him. For reasons I just told, I didn't have much to say. This left the guardsmen I worked beside to speculate. It was actually so irritating, Nathan in particular, that I decided it was about time I checked in with the other half of my detachment for a few days. Unfortunately, the men under my other squadleader, Chance Rhynes, were little better than the ones under John Langdon the reader is more familiar with. Not only were the men under Rhynes just as interested in Graham as the men of my other squad, but I hadn't spent enough time with them in the past month to keep afloat in their flood of other questions for me. Still, getting some time with them was long overdue, and although I would return to the company of Langdon's squad a week or two after Graham had moved out, it was a long couple days as the memory of Graham's incident in the market was still very fresh amongst everyone in the guard.

Some of my brothers and sisters in the community would later tell me how they thought it odd to hear that Graham was staying with me and my family. Most of them were more focused on how unorthodox it was to leave a man at home alone with another man's wife. Not that people were speculating about affairs and the like, it was just a custom of our community to never have a man alone under the same roof as one, two, or even three women of the community unless he was related to them. I found it odd that their fixation was on that for the most part and not the fact of who he once was, or why he was brought into the community proper. He was only our guest for about four days, but from everything I heard from my wife, she was almost never there during the day… Apparently, he wasn't either.

I mentioned previously that my wife was, for the most part, a housewife. However, being a housewife in the community rarely meant "being at home." In order to run a household, she was taken all over town, going to fetch water, food for meals, buying and selling clothes, tools, and goods for the house. She retrieved the kids once school let out, helped them with their school work, escorted them to their activities or children's groups, took them shopping for things they needed, etc. None of this is even mentioning the amount of volunteer work she did for Missions Coordination, the sewing she did with her women's group's charity assignment, the evening support and Bible studies on certain days, etc. The point being, that she was a busy woman, and even when she was home, she was cleaning, doing laundry, preparing meals, tending the garden, or preparing to run one of her errands. In the end, I too was curious about what our house guest was like that first evening, but after being reminded of all she had to do, she told me that she didn't even believe he was home.

My wife mentioned how Mr. Graham had left maybe 30 minutes after I did and only saw him around noon before she caught sight of him entering the house while she was tending our garden in the back only for him to leave out the front again a moment later. He was there for dinner and remained very silent when he wasn't answering Joseph and later Hannah's barrage of questions.

It was like that every day he was with us. Every morning I saw Graham asleep on the couch when my wife and I made breakfast for the kids, he joined us at the table each time, sometimes eating his own food. Then, I'd see him in the evening when I returned from the shift. I got to see him Saturday for a little longer since Saturday was the Sabbath for our detachment, but I was kept busy with the Guard's Bible studies in the evening and time with my wife during the day. Graham was essentially a mystery the whole time he lived with us, and why he left or what he did during the days was a mystery to me, my wife, and pretty much everyone who knew of the short-term housing arrangement… That was except for one person. The person who knew more about our guest's first days in the community and time spent living with us was actually my son Joseph.

I learned all of this sometime later, but my 7-year-old son was given an assignment by his teacher the day before Mr. Graham showed up at our house to keep a diary for 5 days. The goal of the assignment was pretty standard, every child of the community learned to read and write at a young age and this particular exercise was given with the reasoning that kids should know how to keep journals. This was important, even at a young age because every trade or position in the community was required to keep them or make logs no matter the station. Whether that child would grow up and become a career missionary, a member of the guard, or even a barber or bishop, journals were a very regular part of our community and largely how our history was kept so well in places like the archives. Of course lessons like these would continue, and even Michelle would keep similar ones in Mission prep school even during this time, but Joseph's teacher gave his class this assignment with instruction to write about whatever they did or whatever they felt like writing about for those 5 days. Grammar and spelling was lenient because he and his classmates were 7 at the time, but it was because of my son and his parent's guest that me, my wife, and his teacher got a very unique perspective on this short period in Joshua Graham's life.

With only minimal editing in order to compensate for a seven-year-old's spelling, poor handwriting, and grammatical choices, I think it's best to describe this whole thing in my son Joseph's own words, given what I could decipher:

Joseph's Homework

November 15 2277

Today was dumb but tonight was really fun. I hated how I have to write for Mrs. Pryor's class. I told her yesterday that I didn't know what to write about when she told me our homework. Ronny and Caleb and Tom made fun of me on the way home and I told them they were mad because they didn't know what to write about too. I was sad and even sadder because they got their journals first and so I had to get the pink one. Debbie and Rose made fun of me for that too but it was better when Michelle walked me the rest of the way home. I asked her why mom wasn't picking me up and I didn't feel better when we got Hannah too but it was better when Michelle said I can have one of her books so that Caleb won't make fun of me for the pink one anymore. Then I asked if Michelle can ask mom if I can walk home with Ronny and Caleb tomorrow and she said she would because whenever I ask they say no and mom always listens to Michelle. That made me feel better but I was still sad and I felt better when I got home because I know what to write about.

Dad came home from work early with a friend and he was going to make Ronny and Caleb sad because he got to come to my family instead of Ronny or Calebs. Dad said that Mr. Joshua Graham was going to stay with us for days and that was so cool. He had dinner with my family and dad was quiet but me and Hannah had fun. Mr. Mathers and Mr. Daniel was there too and Mr. Graham said I can call him Joshua and the dinner was fun. Michelle was really weird and had that face she made when she talks to Isaiah or Evan when Evan was around. Girls are weird but Joshua was quiet and he sounded like he hurt when he eats but he told me that I'm faster than Caleb when I showed him how fast I can run and said at dinner that we can be best friends when he's feeling better. Ronny will be mad that I'm friends with Joshua first and that he stayed at our house and not his when I tell him tomorrow.

Mr. Graham never made a promise to be best friends with Joseph at the dinner table, nor agreed that Joseph was faster at running than Caleb. Some of this is merely Joseph's imaginings, although I have no way of verifying what he describes of the next days since I was busy with my duties.

November 16

Today I woke up dad and mom first because I couldn't sleep. Hannah couldn't too and I wanted to see Joshua. Dad and mom left him to sleep on the couch as they made breakfast and I got to watch him. It looked like it hurt even when he slept and I dared Hannah to look under his bandage while he sleeps. She didn't want to and ran away and I looked at him and his eyes were open and I can't tell if he could see me next to him so I asked him. He said he could and I asked him if he was always going to be like this. He asked what time it was and I told him it was almost breakfast time and he didn't say anything else until I asked if what Ronny and Debbie said about him was true. He didn't know what I meant and I asked if he shot a man in the market and he said yes but I don't want to tell Ronny that he didn't shoot the bandit dead because I don't want to give Ronny two chocolates. I asked if he was going to go with my dad to the guard today because I think he will be good at it and he said no but cant tell what he's going to do today. I said he should go Temple because he liked it so much the last time and he remembered I went with him that one night. Then dad and mom came in the room and told me to stop bothering Joshua. I wasn't bothering him and he said so too but I was hungry and went to the table to eat.

At school we worked on our diaries and learned more math after lunch. I don't like school because it makes me feel dumb but Mrs. Pryor and mom and Michelle say I'm good at it but Hannah always calls me dumb. School was bad and I was mad because of math but I remembered Michelle told mom that I can walk home today and Ronny and Caleb couldn't make fun of me anymore because I don't have a pink diary anymore and they were mad because I told them about Joshua staying with us and how much friends we are.

After school was over at 2:30 Caleb and Ronny asked me all about Joshua and I couldn't think of anymore to make up so Caleb asked if we could follow him. I would get in trouble for not coming home but mom knows I have kids group at 5 and I can say that I stayed at Ronny's to work on home work so we went.

None of us knew where Graham was but I thought he would be at home when we saw him walk past the community garden by the school and town square. He was going to the trades by the north side and we went to follow him. I could prove I would be a better spy than Caleb. We followed him 2 streets till he entered the goods store and we hid in the alley and I don't think he saw us. He left going to east side and there was no one else around so Ronny kept watch when Caleb and me went in the store. I asked Mr. Eastman what Joshua bought and he said he bought 2 strips of jerky and a bottle of water and three chocolates for us. I hit Caleb because I knew it was his sneeze that gave us away and he wanted to hit me back but was happy about the chocolate.

We tried to sneak after him again and I think we were better this time because he didn't say anything when we followed him to the North end work station where he made ammo by himself for 30 minutes. He left something in the collection bucket and then went to a community fire to toast meat and stitch hides for another 30 minutes. Once he was done he didn't see us when we followed him more. Now there were people leaving their jobs and the streets were busy but everyone pretended like he wasn't there but he didn't seem to mind. We wanted to see where he went before we had to go to kids group so we followed him to the square and he went up to the temple but didn't go inside because he went around side and opened the gate to the prayer garden. We didn't know why he was there, so we looked over the wall and he was reading the Bible on a bench in a group of the trees.

Ronny and Caleb and me decided to go here tomorrow and we went to the kids group to play games and learn about David. When I was at home mom was mad at me for not coming home after school but she was nice again when I told her again what Michelle said and I asked if I could spend time with my friends after school again and she said yes if I do my homework. Then I saw him at dinner and I thanked him for the candy and he ate his own food at the table with me Michelle Hannah mom and dad. Then I went to bed but I couldn't sleep and I forgot to make my diary so I did that and was done before I was too tired.

Joseph clearly liked writing, but it was evident just from this entry that he only really liked writing about what he was interested in. There was much I had to do editing-wise just to make the above legible and make sense since he was 7 at the time, but the kid impressed me. Even more interesting was the subject matter since with it I got to get an insight into the character of Joshua beyond the events I witnessed and beyond his reputation.

In the next entry, Joseph woke Mr. Graham up in a way almost identical to the way he did in the previous entry, and then spent a lot more time talking about how much he hated his morning baths on these days, and what happened at school than he did previously. After this, his journal starts when he and his friends decided they'd seek out Graham again.

November 16

… *Many words about waking up Graham, how much he hates baths outside, speculation about why his mom gets frustrated with him on bath days, everything that happened at school, etc*...

... Ronny and me saw Joshua make more ammo after school and help Mr. Vickers with the wood he was cutting. I think he was going to the fire again when he was done so me and Ronny and Caleb went to the prayer garden to wait in the bushes for him to see what he was doing.

I like the prayer garden even if it is boring if I am in it too long. It's really pretty though. I like all the plants since there aren't many green or flowers plants anywhere else in town. I also like reading all the prayers pinned to the cross in the middle of the garden and I sometimes think to pray for them too when I pray before bed but sometimes I forget. Me and Caleb and Ronny hid in the bushes behind the bench he was sitting yesterday and we got real quiet when we saw him come through the gate. He didn't see us and we were quiet as a mouse and we watched him write on a paper then pin the paper to the cross then sit on the bench and open his Bible. I was scared because he was so close and Caleb wished he brought his jacket because it was cold but he was quiet because he didn't want to be seen. I was scared too and Joshua read on that bench for a long time before he said loudly

"I know you've been watching me. You can come out boys."

I hit Ronny because I know it was him who made a sound but he was too stiff and we came out. Joshua knew me and we stood in front of him. Caleb and Ronny said sorry but Joshua looked nice and closed his Bible and asked if we wanted to talk to him. I said yes and Ronny and Caleb were still sad.

I asked him why he was making ammo and he said he wanted to hunt later or trade. Then I asked him if he was feeling better and he said he was getting used to the pain. Then Caleb asked what Joshua was reading and he said he was reading from Acts when Saul became Paul. I didn't know Acts too good and he said he would answer questions but Ronny asked him if his dad was right when his dad said he used to be a very evil man. Ronny's question looked like it made him sad and I hit him and Joshua said not to do that and I said sorry. I asked if that was why my dad didn't talk about him and if that is why people avoid him in the street and he said it was but he's trying to be better. He said only time and God will fix that and Caleb said his dad talks about him all the time. Caleb's dad is my dad's guard friend and I like Mr. Langdon but I told Joshua that my dad's cooler than Caleb's dad because my dad is his dad's boss…

It goes on like this for a while. The boys ask Mr. Graham all manner of questions, occasionally going off on tangents because of their own boyhood minds. It really was something else to read this later and see how much interest and kindness they had in a man who had been a topic of taboo at their family's' dinner tables for so many years until a few short weeks ago. While their parents avoided him or busied themselves with their daily lives, it was nice to hear that these kids had such an innocent curiosity about him as word gradually spread that he was here to stay, and within the walls.

The entire entry ended without much else when Joseph writes:

… Then it was late and mom and dad were going to be mad at me for being late and Caleb and Ronny were going to get in trouble too because there was no kid's group tonight. Joshua said he would walk us home and Ronny's parents were glad he was ok but he got in trouble because he was home so late but thanked Joshua for taking him home. Caleb's dad was ok because he was off when my dad was and shaked Joshua's hand and Joshua took me home too in time for dinner.

There were two more entries, but the Saturday with my wife was spent shopping with her, relaxing in the east end's community garden, and we even spent a few hours at the library before going to our groups for the evening. It wasn't the most romantic day, but we got some stuff done, my wife learned some new recipes for the house, and I brushed up on my knowledge of spirit and self before finishing off the night with one of the guard's study groups. Michelle and Hannah said that Graham was hardly there that Saturday but the boy didn't have much to write about other than the ways that he tormented his sisters while my wife and I were out. Although in the entry for that Saturday, he did say he assumed Joshua was going about his strange business across town and hounded his sisters to stalk the man with him to little avail. Joseph went to an all-Sunday event with his class and kid's group that Sunday and talked about that in his diary, but there was something I noticed throughout Sunday that I couldn't quite place until I read Joseph's entries.

The Friday that Graham escorted Joseph and his friends home was the night I noticed our house guest take on a new tone. He still remained largely silent and a man of few words in the mornings or at the table, but over those nights, he became much more alive. He wouldn't be accepted wholly by the community for still a while yet, but the sounds of laughter and amount he talked to us only increased if ever so slightly, and no matter how painful it was for him.

Mr. Graham's incident in the market was still something only the members of the guard and the Temple really knew about beyond rumor, but perhaps that was best. What he had done, and what he had contained inside of him seemed to matter little when he was enjoying dinner at our table, exciting the children, and only spoke in the politest of words. It came as something of a shock when I got off my shift that Sunday, returned home when my family was still with their groups, and saw the note on the folded-up stack of bedding atop my couch saying;

"Thank you for you and your family's acceptance of me into your home. I hope I was not too much of a burden, and I look forward to seeing you all again real soon. If needed, you can find me at my new dwelling the Elders assigned for me: Northwest Quadrant (Qd.) Common Housing, Building (Bldg.) 2, Unit 8"

I knew the place. It was an old single-story motel restored over the years only a stone's throw from the North Fields and on the opposite side of the town from the barracks. Almost a 20-minute walk straight north from my home, it was a building for unmarried men of the New Canaan population. I knew they weren't the nicest dwellings, but it was nicer than the shack he was living in outside the walls. The common houses like that for men or women were typically considered more like temporary housings for those who were going to get married or were preparing to take lodging with a trade like the guard or Temple that had their own housing groups. Still, perhaps it was best that he was going to be amongst the ranks of the general unmarried population, but it got me thinking;

What is his permanent place in the community going to look like? And when will that be?