Alicia scrubs at her face, staring up at the moon just visible through the bedroom window as she rocks Andre back and forth. She's never felt this exhausted, her little boy's fist tangled in her shirt, his whimpers and muffled crying wearing at her nerves. Sofia and Ricardo are still sleeping peacefully, she thinks, and part of her wishes she were too, but the baby is so small, so delicate yet. She stares into his face and remembers giving birth to him, how scary it had been, how determined she was to see it through. Now she wonders if maybe she should've done it differently, based on how fussy he's growing into being. "I'm sorry, Andre," she murmurs, rubbing his back in slow, gentle circles, feeling like a failure. "i'm so sorry."

He calms eventually, rests against her shoulder, and breathes deeply, the room filled with just his sounds, and Alicia closes her eyes, still rubbing his back monotonously. She has no real idea how much time has passed when something grips the baby, gently eases him out of her grip. "Huh?" she stirs and blinks hard, trying to grab him back. "No- Andre-"

"Shhh," Ricardo whispers to her. "It's just me. You're ok. He's ok." He tucks the baby in close and kneels down next to Alicia. "Hey. C'mere."

She realizes she's trembling and buries her face in Ricardo's free shoulder, slow sobs ripping through her overwrought body. "Did I make a mistake?" she whispers to him and Ricardo blinks slowly.

"About what?" he whispers back and she sniffs, digging her nails into his shirt.

"Demanding to have Andre here," she breathes out. "He's so fussy and miserable all of the time, I... did I traumatize him before he even took his first breath? I never wanted that, I just- I wanted to be here, with you- not dealing with hospitals and COVID, and-"

Ricardo sighs, rubbing her back slowly. "Alicia," he murmurs, cutting her off delicately. "He's young, he's not even a month old yet. This world is bright, and loud, and he's still adjusting." He smiles at her. "This little guy gets overstimulated and just sometimes wants to cry. He's not suffering, he's not hungry or wet or ignored. He's just little and trying to let his voice be heard. We're gonna be here for him through it all, and he'll grow out of it, but we just need to take care of ourselves as best as we can do. Every baby is different, and we were spoiled by being around Mike and AJ's kids so much when they were young. Sara was notorious for how peaceful of a baby she was. Remember?"

"Yeah," Alicia says with a soft laugh. "I guess expectations were high after that." She leans in and lightly kisses Andre. "I do love you just the way you are, Andre," she promises him, nuzzling against his cheek before pulling away to look at Ricardo. "I know you're right, it's just... it's hard, and it hurts to see him crying so often."

"I know." He holds her close with his free arm and presses a soft kiss to her lips. "It'll pass. We just have to take it a day at a time. Sofia will help."

Alicia nods, her lips twitching up into a small smile. "Yeah. I know she will."

They sit for a few minutes longer, watching their son sleep, before Ricardo eases up to his feet. "Come on, let's try to grab some sleep ourselves," he says, smiling when she takes his hand and eases herself up to her feet.

"Yes, please."

It won't be for long, the baby will need attention again sooner rather than later, but for now, she settles down next to her husband and allows herself to relax, cuddled up close to his warmth.