Chapter 30: Beneath Consideration

Two Days After The Posse Killed the Raiders

Narrative Continued By Constable Obadiah Hanshaw

I must admit that I could not leave the Temple after service fast enough that Sunday. It all felt like too much considering everything that happened. I joined in the prayers and thanked both Pastor Duvall and Bishop Mordecai personally for their words to the Parsons family and prayers for Michelle. Leslie and I, heck, even Emilia, Joseph, and Hannah felt the eyes on us throughout the whole sermon. I knew the eyes were on me, mostly. Sitting up front, I was happy to have the kids beside me, but every time I felt one of the kids' eyes on me, I could almost hear them asking "Why is everyone staring at us." Again, I knew the rest of the congregation was looking at me throughout the sermon, and I unfortunately couldn't even hear what was said as I knew they were looking at me for answers I couldn't provide.

How is the man in charge of the New Canaan Guard supposed to handle a situation that lost almost an entire missionary group and then immediately lost track of where three of the most reliable lieutenants had gone? This of course is to say nothing of Mr. Graham. Thankfully, the Elders and greater populous of New Canaan didn't know he was out there, but what good would come of that even if I said it?

In the end, I couldn't thank my dearest Leslie enough when the sermon was over and immediately agreed to take charge of the children while I beat a hasty retreat. There was still too much happening, and even though I normally love Sundays to mingle with my brothers and sisters in the larger population, today I couldn't, and so I decided to make for the only place I knew I would be safe from the hurricane of questions, a place my people wouldn't approach.

Michelle had recovered quite a lot in the past few days but understandably preferred to spend most of the time unconscious. So, there I sat with Dani, who also appeared much more put together than in previous days. It had been agreed early on that the subject of Paul was a topic we would avoid so long as Michelle lay in a hospital bed. Dani was content knowing that myself and Leslie in particular were taking great care of Hannah and Joseph while this whole situation went on. It was on this day, after the service, and as I sat with Dani at Michelle's bedside that there was nothing in particular for her and I to discuss. The wife of my adopted son had more than enough on her mind as well, and as Michelle rested, I got to thinking.

Dani was remarkably fine at this time despite all that happened. With Michelle's recovery still ongoing, her other kids taken care of, and her husband out, she still sat with the air of someone who was able to act. A stark contrast to the woman I saw at Michelle's bedside the evening after Michelle's return, and even more at ease than the woman in tears of anger, fright, and panic when Mr. Rhynes had delivered the unfortunate news about her husband's whereabouts. Today, life was progressing ever onward, and although things were about to change in her life as well as my own, there was nothing to do but wait. I remember wondering what Dani was thinking as I watched her in that room. I inevitably found myself thinking about what I was hoping to avoid as I hid from the greater New Canaan populous.

I found myself thinking about the meeting I was supposed to have with the Elders in just a few hours. A regular Sunday evening meeting with them was something I normally didn't think twice about. This Sunday however, I knew that whatever happened, I was inevitably going to have to talk about the Burned Man, where he was, and probably worst of all: what happened with the Rangers.

It was the evening after Michelle's return that I received a visitor at my office from someone I didn't expect. In came Mr. Saul Mathers. I didn't know him Too well personally, but knew of course that he was very close with Paul and some of the other guards. Of course, I had met him at numerous community gatherings but it wasn't common that a lower member of the Temple Sect approached my office about anything. It was frankly a shock to hear from him that he had himself a discussion with the rangers who brought Michelle back, and after telling me this, he urged me to meet with the Rangers personally tomorrow morning. Now I had previously been told that they wished to speak with me when Rhynes told me where Paul, Graham, and the posse they gathered up went. However, the whole thing was something I thought I could ignore till it went away. Seeing Mr. Mathers up in my office that evening certainly piqued my interest, and so he recounted almost his entire conversation to me.

Hearing what Mr. Mathers discussed with the rangers made me look at Michelle on her hospital bed in a new light and I frankly wish he hadn't told me everything that they said. However, it did help to ease my frustration with Paul and the others out there in the wastes. Even if I could "understand" it better, it didn't help that they didn't ask me permission first… Honestly, I don't know what I would have said even if they did ask permission to seek retribution. I probably would have said I would approach the Elders about the idea, and that's probably why they decided to avoid me in the first place… Personally, I felt, and still feel to a large degree, that I am losing it. I haven't been outside the wall in months, and even if I did authorize the elimination of the raiders who harmed Mr. Padilla's missionary group, I certainly wouldn't have allowed Graham to join them… However, based on what Mr. Mathers said about the Rangers, I was going to be very thankful that Graham wasn't here.

Mr. Mathers didn't mention anything in particular about Graham when he recounted his conversation with the rangers. It seemed as though Mr. Mathers was holding back something, and refused to explain what it was or why. Ultimately all he said was to just be honest if the Rangers asked about Graham, and left.

That night when I was in Michelle's room with Dani, Leslie, and the rest of the kids, I thought about what Mr. Mathers had said and decided I would take him up on his petition for me to see the Rangers.

In the morning right after muster, I had a few of my boys fetch the Rangers from the Trinity Inn as I took my place at my desk. Under orders, the escort allowed the foreign soldiers inside the walls of New Canaan to my office just for the meeting, and the two men arrived while the clatter of weapons being passed out to the rest of the day shift was still underway on the ground floor.

Ranger Banks and Hale were their names, I believe, and the two were fine enough gentlemen. After initial greetings, the two went on about their trip out this way from the Mojave, and the two were kind enough to ask about the recovery of Michelle. I told them all I could, and they sympathized, and then I asked the question of why they needed to see me.

I won't recount the conversation verbatim, since it frankly didn't leave that much of an impression on me. They handed me a set of folded documents that had evidently been in their packs the whole trip, and the men gave me a moment to read through it. In the end, I was more surprised why the New California government gave these demands to a set of rangers to deliver, so I asked them as much. They mentioned it had something to do with the bureaucratic swamp and personnel around the Mojave, and although I didn't know much about the situation in that far-off land, I took it for what it was. After reading the documents, they essentially boiled down to a list of demands from us, and that was certainly not the best means of reaching out "diplomatically" as the rangers suggested.

The rangers attempted to justify the demands on behalf of the official who sent them as delivery boys, explaining how the contents were due to the treatment of NCR citizens and traders who ended up this far past their frontiers. The document pointed to conflicts between tribals, NCR prospecting companies in the far southwest, tribal wars out that way, and then to an incident that took place last December in our direct jurisdiction… I am not an angry man, and it is very hard for me to feel that way about most things, but it appears that NCR now has certain demands from us due to "aggression" from New Canaan affiliated parties over the past few months. I was beginning to feel as though this set of "orders" to Us was nothing more than toilet paper based on the amount of nonsense on it. The whole thing in general could be boiled down to a message as bold as this:

"Due to New Canaan interferences in free trade with NCR merchants and travelers within the jurisdiction of New Canaan in the Utah Wilderness, the government of NCR would like to insist that the sovereign township of New Canaan consider implementing the following actions in the effort of easing tensions with the government of New California."

1. Agree to the establishment of an NCR Trade Branch to help ensure Free Trade is being adhered to in NCR-friendly communities such as New Canaan.

2. Provide further armed security to the region to ensure civilian and mercantile traffic goes unimpeded in the wilderness territories.

3. Abstain from interfering in NCR security efforts in the southwesternmost territories of the Utah Wilderness that are happening currently (or in the future.)

I argued with them about these items, the "security" efforts of the NCR in the southwest in particular, citing scout reports of genocide committed against the tribal populations. This went on deaf ears, the rangers only saying we could take it up with the diplomats if necessary. Then my opposition to the part about extending the reach of our security operations also fell on deaf ears when I informed these messengers that my guard didn't have the manpower to ensure regional stability. All these men said was that the request suggests we try our best. It wouldn't have even helped if I told them that we've been trying "our best" to secure this territory ever since New Canaan's founding or the migration from Ogden. Then the last part sent shivers down my spine when I recalled travelers from settlements before NCR incorporated their towns. "It starts with them establishing a trade branch. Everyone needs goods to make a town prosper."

With this document, this request to "Ease tensions between New Canaan and NCR" was nothing more than the first steps at turning New Canaan into an NCR settlement at some point in the future. I saw this for what it was, and just barely refrained from tearing up the papers right in front of the rangers. The only thing that kept me from doing this when all was read and all was said, was when I, without thinking about it, asked them;

"How could NCR even enforce this? From everything I hear, your government is barely holding the Mojave by a thread after what happened at Hoover Dam."

I'll admit once again, the two rangers were bold. My words seemingly did little more than cause the two to smile and the older one said;

"We'll hold the Mojave, send Caesar's boys running east for good the next time he marches on the Dam… Speaking of which, Hale and I have noticed a lot of talk from travelers and tribals out this way around Caesar's old second-in-command. You all wouldn't have happened to run into him in the past few months, have you?"

Between their outward appearance, the sense of superiority they emitted, and the pages full of trash on my desk, what happened to Michelle, to Paul, to Dani, the family, the community, to everyone here in my home, when I heard those last words, I couldn't help but rise. The rangers' eyes seemed to grow wide, apparently not realizing who I was or how big I am from the desk I'd been sitting behind. Despite my clear agitation, the younger one this time was the bold one when he sought to clarify things a bit more, telling me in a trembling voice;

"There's a lot of stories about him outside your walls these days… Even ones that come from…"

His words died on his tongue, memories of what Mr. Mathers told me he heard flashed through my brain, and I was still so enraged I couldn't help myself. Looking down at the two, when both had gone silent, I barked at them;

"So this is why you're Really here, isn't it? You wanna know if my family, alone in this wilderness, has seen your prime target? You wanna know if we're harboring him? If we're hiding him? If we'll give him up so he can stand trial in an NCR court?..."

The men couldn't move, and I clenched my hands into fists, feeling a rage I hadn't felt in far too long. "… This is why they sent two rangers? This is why they gave us a list of 'demands' I wouldn't wipe my behind with let alone act upon?..."

I slammed my fist upon the desk and the two rangers were still paralyzed as I towered over them and shouted, "… Rob! Sinecoah! Get in here!..." In came two of the runners I'd dispatched to fetch the rangers, hands on the handles of their weapons sitting on their hips as they looked at me, then to the rangers. Looking back at the rangers I gripped the papers in my fist and shouted at them,

"… You wanna see if Graham is hiding here somewhere? I'd look south, but I suggest you two head southwest, back to the Mojave, and tell whoever sent you here that we'll at the most 'consider' these demands out of friendship with NCR…"

Still, the rangers hadn't moved, and my boys were now staring at them as well but more at ease. Looking at my men, I told them; "… You two, take these rangers wherever they want to go in town. We aren't hiding anything, and once they've had their fill of searching for the Burned Legate, you make sure they leave through the main gate with No re-entry privileges. They can see firsthand just how much authority these Californios Really have despite that patch on their armor. You boys got that?..."

Sinecoah said, "You got it Constable," Rob nodded, and the rangers glared at me without another word to say as they departed silently from my office.

Once they were gone and I had the moment to regain control of myself, I was still clutching the papers in my hands, and I began to unwrinkle them the best I could as I called in the third man who I had sent to fetch the rangers.

Ira was standing before me in a flash actually fanning away the tension in the air as he asked, "What can I do for you, Constable?"

Looking up from my work on the papers, I told the young scout, "When those rangers leave town, I want you to follow them out. Take a radio and a survival pack from the cage downstairs and I want you to report where they are and what they're doing at the end of each day until I call you back home. I'll have someone else relieve you at the end of the week but say goodbye to Veronica and set out immediately."

The young man did just that, and it wasn't long later that I began to feel bad about the tone I used with the rangers who, looking back, had been rather cordial. Although I felt any demands from the California government were beneath discussion, it only made me feel even worse about my tone and behavior when I uncreased the papers from their government and realized the pages were double-sided… In exchange for our implementation of their demands, they agreed to do a multitude of items brought up in past discussions with their ambassadors. Most notably:

1. NCR will strengthen punishments against prospector companies and persons who commit atrocities and unnecessary acts of violence in the southwesternmost territories of the Utah Wilderness.

2. NCR will recognize New Canaan's rights to autonomy from NCR in future negotiations.

Although the two most notable items on their end of the arrangement made me feel bad about my treatment of their rangers, it did very little to ease my wariness about their nation at all. There have been numerous stories told about NCR encroachment in others' affairs, and although there were broken treaties across human history including NCR history, it did not help when I knew their military, or at least their Rangers were still searching for one who was amongst us… and yet not with us at the present moment. My thoughts about future relations with NCR were stopped by that immovable flaming wall named Joshua Graham. As great an ally as NCR could be if we ever had to deal with the Legion, there was no guarantee that NCR itself could halt the crimson wave controlled by Mr. Graham's old friend… Then there we were in the middle. If he was revealed here, both NCR And Legion would come for us… I simply didn't know what to think or do about the papers in my hands, but I knew Graham was still out there away from us with my son, Paul. And I also knew I didn't trust those rangers who had our community's secret inhabitant on the mind even if I could shoo them off in a moment of anger. There was still no telling how far they would go, how long they would keep in the area, or what they would do if they happened across Mr. Graham. For the moment, all I could do was tell the Elders about the Ranger visit and keep my personal radio set on my hip.

Sitting with Dani that Sunday after service, still thinking about everything there was to worry about in that world beyond the wall, I thought of Ira's past two call-ins, with the most recent one being the most important.

"They're in the southwest now. About 8 miles out at the moment. They're settling in for the night, but it looks like they're heading towards the salt plains around the southern shores of the GSL. I'll let you know if anything urgent arises before tomorrow evening if necessary."

The ranger duo apparently never took my offer for them to search New Canaan. Apparently, the two had immediately set out after leaving my office. They originally began south, then took off the main road towards the southwest. Appearing to take my advice about heading right back home. Although they certainly would have been a lot farther out if that was the case. By this point, as I sat with Dani, it looked as though they were lingering around the area for one reason or another. Ultimately, I would learn more at the end of the day when Ira checked in, but the Rangers' vicinity left me thinking about Paul. Before I could begin worrying about Paul, Graham, the Rangers, and even Michelle still resting right next to me, I felt the crumpled papers still in my pocket and began thinking about the meeting with the Elders in just a few short hours.

2 Days Later

I no longer held the orders or "request" on behalf of NCR on my person after that Sunday evening. The Elders had taken them when I brought up the situation, and from everything that I heard during the meeting, the Elders actually intended to act upon them. They required very little input from me about the status of my Guard, or the ability to take on such a task as extending our reach of security. They also seemed to ignore my input about the trade agreement and how I felt about NCR opening an official trade office just outside the walls.

"Such a thing would be a monumental help towards our efforts in the Refugee Village," said Elder Larsdale to the unanimous agreement of the others.

It looked like Bishop Mordecai was the only one who saw the look in my eye or the frustration in my face. However, I'm still convinced that he was going to get the others to hear me out before any words on his lips were stopped by the sudden bloody cough that erupted out of his mouth. Bishop Mordecai was getting very old, and what was thought to be a little cold only 8 months ago never went away. He was still able to give almost an entire sermon without interruption, but the coughing spells were getting slightly more violent by the month. He had to be excused from the meeting, and the rest of the Elders went right along as I sat there with nothing to say that would be heard.

For most of the meeting, I thought about Paul, Doyle, Herbein, and then Graham out there in the wastes. The thought of the rangers hovered at the back of my mind, while chatter from beyond the wall seemed to reach me almost from here after the conversation with Mr. Mathers and the Rangers enlightened me to what they were saying out there. Most of all, I thought of Michelle, I thought of Dani, and the rest of her kids. I felt as though I was getting too old to lead the guard as the talking between the Elders went on and on, and I didn't know how to handle that idea when it hit me out of seemingly nowhere. It seemed the outside world was pushing up against our walls more and more by the day, and then the present would hit me, and I would hear the Elders Talking all about it while seeming to Do nothing.

A glimmer of hope arose when Elder Rockwell, the head of the Missions Project asked me from across the long table;

"What do you propose be done about the situation involving Mr. Padilla's group?"

It would honestly be a waste of good paper and ink to tell of everything that was said. As the memory of everything that happened to Michelle, Dani, Paul, the Parsons family, Herbein, and so many others went through my flashing mind intermixed with tales of Graham, meeting the Ranger, and so many other problems that kept arising, I knew what I wanted to tell the Elders. I wanted to suggest that they approve my dispatch of a few of my best Lieutenants and maybe even Graham to strike down those who perpetrated the destruction of Mr. Padilla's group… Still, as my mind behaved like a swarm of bees or more like Cazadores, I knew the idea would be shot down. Instead, I simply suggested that we merge future mission groups into larger ones for additional protection, knowing that this too would be shot down as that in fact was the case.

After another ten-minute-long discussion where my charge wasn't consulted at all, the Elders decided that more guards per mission group was the correct answer. These were men that I didn't have, and Elder Harlan was the one to notice this fact on the scattered papers across the table, so a new course was suggested. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that Elder Larsdale wanted more missionaries and children of the community killed because he suggested missionary groups minus the security. He argued that those unarmed groups would not suggest anything worth defending. He appeared to forget about the multitude of occasions over New Canaan's past where solo missionaries were found butchered for no other reason than the savages' desire to kill.

Yet another ten-minute discussion ensued and I was not consulted or listened to yet again before the Elders concluded that the best means of response to what happened to Michelle, Sarah Parsons, Mr. Carlos Padilla, and Max and Tanley of Herbein's detachment, was to place temporary travel restrictions on the region where the incident took place.

Honestly, it was hard to keep my anger from growing. If at some point in the past 10 years as Constable hadn't made me accustomed to this kind of meeting with the Elders, I would have flipped the large center table. No. After all that happened in the past few days, and after so many emotions, so many additional responsibilities, I was too tired to fight a battle I knew I would lose.

These men, these men who led our community in all manners from the spiritual to the practical, were ones I couldn't bring myself to admire these days. Bishop Mordecai was something else, but with his health, his age, and his leadership fading, I wondered how it could be possible to bring these men back to reality. All of the Elders were men I loved and respected. Every New Canaanite in town or out there loved them. They were beyond spiritually intelligent, wonderful people, incredibly kind, and so many other things, but as they talked and talked and landed on one lackluster decision after another, it was hard to be there. Knowing these men loved and cared for Michelle, the families, the people we have out there, and yet couldn't steer our community in a serious manner truly hurt.

Travel restrictions around the Saint George – Zion Park territory?

There was a reason, a true and terrible reason that my son, Paul, would follow GRAHAM out into that wilderness.

Things out there were bad enough for Paul to do that, and things were going to get even worse if Rangers were coming to me while stories of Graham's survival are circulating by the people using our walls for shade.

How could the Elders not understand what's going on so close and getting closer?

I didn't know the answer to that, and I still don't frankly know, but I think the rest of the meeting shows what kind of world our Elders were living in when I, at last, found the courage to try my hand at breaking through to their consciousness;

After almost 20 minutes of silent internal contemplation since the last time I spoke, I spoke to all of the men across the table;

"What do you plan to do about the stories of Graham circulating around the area?"

Each of the Elders and the words on their lips came to a slow halt as they all turned towards me. Elder Rockwell who'd been acting as head during these meetings when the Bishop couldn't attend, adjusted his spectacles and smoothed out the bottom of his robes beneath the table before he said to the unanimous agreement of the others;

"Mr. Graham is still part of the Guard and under restriction within the town limits, correct?..." I nodded, just about to begin telling them where he truly was at the time of this meeting when he looked to the others briefly before resting his attention back on me concluding; "… Ok, good. Thank you for the update Constable Hanshaw, but if that's the case, his situation and 'stories' about him are beneath consideration at the moment. We were discussing the upcoming baptism event in the refugee town next week."

I sat back and couldn't say anything else as they were already back to their conversation about the coming event at the refugee town. It took just about everything in me to not immediately tell them that he violated the order to stay within town in order to go out there and do what the Elders should be authorizing themselves. It was in that moment that I realized I was utterly alone for the first time in so many years. I was in charge of security for a town, a people, that didn't seem like they wanted to be protected. Of course, I knew this wasn't true, but it was true that nobody else in the room, or nobody who wasn't actively part of a guardsman's life was interested in what it takes for them to live the life they had.

What was happening beyond the walls, with Graham, with my men, Was relevant. Stories were drawing people to the gates, NCR is looking for him, and how long before the Legion comes looking too? While the Elders were busy arguing, looking for the best biblical, spiritual, Godly approach to matters of the community, they did not want to think about all that outside. Perhaps they simply believed that prayer would make it go away. Although I do NOT misunderstand the power of prayer, I believe there comes a point where God wants you to stop talking to Him and start to actually play our part in His plan. He Will answer when you go to Him for answers on what to do, but you do, in fact, have to stop talking to Him at some point and see what He's wanting you to do… But again, that can't happen if you decide to never stop talking.

I just don't know what that answer looks like, but I did know that this responsibility of community security was entirely on me as the talking of the men across the table went on and on and on…

Standing to leave, I wasn't even acknowledged as I departed. I was and still am scared of accepting that responsibility, and I'm still so tired. It broke my heart to know what was entirely on my hands as I left the meeting, walking the dark streets to the bedside of an even more heartbroken girl and her heartbroken mother. The streets were desolate as the echo of that constant chatter continued on in my mind.

There was so much care from everyone in my home, but it wasn't the kind of care that Michelle needed. So many people, people I've only ever spoken to once, would happily trade places with Michelle, Dani, or any of their other neighbors if asked, but those people would pray vigorously every night to not have to do that. It was the Elders and those so comfortable within the walls that can't see the dangers out there for what they are when there's a wall between them and it. It's the job of our leaders to prepare the people, the children, the next generation for the brutal reality of what's lurking beyond the light of the Temple. And still, they talk. If there's any proof of how awful that world can be or how unprepared we are for it, you don't have to look any further than the girl on that hospital bed while the Elders talk and the Burned Man leads my sons fearlessly towards it.

It was two days after my most recent meeting with the Elders and a little after noon when I heard the transmission on my radio from Ira. He had met with his relief, Adkins, and by this point, the rangers were approximately 30 miles to the southwest. I told both Adkins and Ira to head back home. Everything I'd been hearing over the past few days seemed to indicate a slow journey back home for the rangers and I deemed it ok for my men to cease their observations. I didn't know whether or not they would ever return by themselves or with more of their Ranger friends, but for the time being, I ordered my men to keep an even sharper eye out for NCR Rangers on their patrols and scouts. I was able to heave a sigh of relief for the first time in almost a week and this feeling lasted until the first time I exited the gates and saw a crew of construction men already setting out for a spot on the southern trail between the refugee town and the market. Their destination: the proposed site of a caravan office for NCR traders approved by the Elders.

I could only grit my teeth and remind myself that it was no longer my concern. Since that meeting, I decided my only concern on this earth was the security of my people and the happiness of my family. Everything else was secondary, and my anxiety about matters beyond my control was eased again as I took my place back at my desk. I was comfortable there. I was going to meet Leslie at Michelle's clinic room in the afternoon, and she was going to bring all the kids as well. I knew this was going to be a lovely night, and although I was anxious about the return of Paul, Doyle, Herbein, Graham, and the others, I decided it best not to think about it. I figured they would return sometime in the morning by my estimate… Unless they were all killed out there. No, I didn't want to think that. I know God well enough to know he usually gives people some sort of sign or even unique feeling before something like that. Yes, I knew all would be fine, and I got back to my regular work and scheduling there in my office for about an hour before in came the woman that, looking back, I'm pretty sure was the sign of what was coming. It was a sign that although my life would return to "normal," it would be a "normal" that looked nothing like my normal from before Michelle returned.

The sign at first wasn't necessarily who it was that came in, it was what she came to me about;

"Hi there, Constable Hanshaw, is it alright if I call you that? I almost never even see you your men or even my son these days since I closed my market stall for the end of winter!"

"Yes, you can call me that, but I'd honestly prefer it if you called me Obadiah, ma'am. Anyway, what can I do for you, Mrs. Langenbach?"

I motioned towards the seat across from me and the lovely woman ran her fingers along the bottom of her flowery dress as she lowered herself into the chair. She straightened herself up, smiled, and began to run a finger through her hair as she began to talk casually as if it were a Sunday morning after service in the town square;

"… I thank you so much for your time, Obadiah. Gail said he would find time to come to you yesterday evening when he got off work but the office kept him late what with all his work for Mr. Albright's trade books…" She was done combing her hair and placed both hands back down on her lap as I nodded along, "… Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you or any of your men knew where Cade went?"

A moment passed after she asked her question and I remained looking at her and her gentle smile. It was only her eyes perhaps that suggested something worthy of approaching me, the Constable about.

The question entered my ears and I could only ask, "Cade? Who's that" as my mind searched for that name in the ol' files. Cade wasn't the name of any of her kids, I knew that much, and before I could think any further, she studied my face with that smile and added;

"Cade- er, he likes to go by Tom, but he's been living with us for a few weeks now. Gail and I are just worried is all. I know he got his leave approved by the Elders, but he said he'd check in with his friend's courier when he got to his friend's house. We should have gotten a letter at least two days ago if he made it safe…"

The woman went on and everything she was saying only partially assisted my search through memory. "Elders approved…" something hit me, but the memory was still vague as I raised my hand. The woman stopped talking, and I asked;

"Cheryl? Tom Cade, is he a servant of yours?"

"Technically yes…" said Mrs. Langenbach with something of a blush, "… But truly he's been much more than that. He's been an absolute doll. Gail enjoys his company, and the kids loved him. He's been a great help with the kids…"

It hit me. Tom Cade. Tom Cade was the mercenary tracker whom Paul and Doyle had a shootout with and captured on their investigation into that totem site before Herbein rescued them from the rest of Cade's gang. I remembered when Paul's group returned with him, seeing the dusty long grey coat, blood and dirt-speckled face, unkempt beard, and grin as clear as I could see Mrs. Langenbach across from me. I just started to remember what Paul and Doyle said about him before he was taken to the cells behind the barracks when the only thing I could think was:

"There's a lot of stories about him outside your walls these days… Even ones that come from…" said Ranger Hale.

"It's true. That gang Julian heard it from said one of their boys saw it himself. He's still alive and walking around out there..." Mr. Mathers said he overheard from strangers in his meeting with the rangers.

I looked the woman dead in the eye and her expression suddenly became less joyful as I thought, "Could this man have been telling his people out there about Graham?" The thought alone made my blood turn to ice, but this thought alone wasnt "evidence." The silence between Cheryl and I went on long enough before I asked, "What do you know about him?"

She adjusted in place, seeming to force her cheeriness back onto her face, "I know he was incarcerated in the cells for some time before working the north fields for a spell. He wouldn't go into anything, but he said he'd done some wrong out there before coming here. You wouldn't believe it if you saw that face though. He's so sweet…"

I thought of that rough and rugged face pulled in from the desert, saw the blood on his coat where he'd been shot, and the grin he wore as he stood before me. Then I recalled mention of him from several conversations amongst my guardsmen I'd overheard.

"You'd never recognize him nowadays if you see him. You think he really changed?"

Mrs. Langenbach went on, "… He's been writing a lot of letters over the past few months but gosh darn it, I never asked him where he was looking to go. The Elders approved his request to send letters, and his request for a short leave to his friend's place so I hope I didn't do anything wrong…"

"The Elders approved…" she said, of course they did! I remembered giving them specific instructions to notify me each time he was shifted to a different stage of his incarceration and here I was, hearing that he was granted permission to LEAVE town unsupervised by the Elders who probably lost their notes on him in a mountain of clutter as they talked and talked and talked!

"No, Mrs. Langenbach, you didn't do anything wrong. You went through the proper channels…" I said as I clenched my fists beneath the table and gritted my teeth;

"Well that's such a relief…" said the woman sincerely, "… He truly has been such a dear. All I know about where he could have gone is probably someplace north. Why his friend would take up residence in the ruins is beyond me, but I don't know where exactly. He said he was using the Ogden Dispatch Service on the north end to send the letters, so perhaps they know where he could have gone. Anyway, I know you're busy so I understand if you can't, but it'll take a load off of me and the husband's minds if we can find where he went or ensure he got there safely…"

"I'd be happy to find him for you," said I to Mr. and Mrs. Langenbach's relief. Cheryl departed my office a minute later and I called in one of my runners from outside to fetch the manager on duty of the Ogden Dispatch.

At my request, the manager sat at my desk with the book of recent courier jobs and located the coordinates of where Mr. Tom Cade was sending those letters. This was the only lead I had on where he could have possibly gone. I was beyond furious and terrified to learn he had left at all, speculating what he could have left for, what he could have said to the "friend" he was meeting in the ruins, and what he had been saying in those letters for WEEKS. Worst of all, what made me furious of all, was that All of this, the Elders blindly approved without even consulting me.

That Evening

Michelle was more awake now and she was in a spirit that made all of us in the room so happy. She still hurt all over, but her bruises were healed, and having Joseph and Hannah in the same room made her cry for reasons other than despair. Leslie held Dani, and Dani too was nearly in tears as Jospeh bombarded his older sister with endless talk about what he'd done since he last saw his sister only around a month ago. The kids knew not to ask Michelle about what happened to her. Not only did Michelle not want to talk or let alone think about it, but her siblings wanted to make sure she was happy by loving her the best they could.

At this moment, we were all waiting on dinner to arrive from outside, the sun was setting just outside the window and the town was darkened as the lantern lighters were probably just about to start making their rounds. Hannah sat beside my little Emilia in the corner reading her a book, Leslie was talking to Dani with both hands on her shoulders, and Joseph sat in the bed in Michelle's arms as they both looked through a comic book. Just then, Michelle pushed the book into Joseph's hands, leaned over the side to pick up the trash can, and threw up into it before placing it back down. Without any word, Dani stood up, took the bag out of the can, tied it off and Leslie took it from her before whispering to Michelle's mom,

"I'll fetch a nurse."

Michelle rinsed her mouth out with water and the glass upon the surgical table. The poor girl wobbled in place on the bed before reclining back down and everyone's eyes went back to where they were before as she opened the comic book with Joseph again. I saw Dani's head hung, propped up with her clenched hands as she sat on the stool at the foot of the bed when I heard the words whispered from her mouth,

"Lord, this has been happening to her two days now. Why is that? Please tell me. How can I fix her…"

There was more she prayed, the more I too wondered what brought about Michelle's recent sickness during recovery, but my attention turned to the girl with the gentle smile and the boy in her arms. She looked restored now, like that bout of sickness had never happened, and I realized I was feeling sick too. Not sick to the point of throwing up, but there was still so much on my mind. I was already aware (falsely) that the Elders cared nothing for the safety of the community, so I felt myself getting horrendously sick about the Cade situation, and more particularly, the return of my men.

I already knew how I wanted to handle the Cade situation, so now I worried about the return of Paul, Doyle, Herbein, and Graham. "How many men did they lose?" was my particular worry. Worrying itself was a hopeless act, so I did the math for the 20th time since I was told about Cade's permitted escape. By my math, the posse out there in the wastes would probably return sometime in the night or sometime in the morning. I found myself tapping my foot, wondering if those men would be in any condition to track down Cade in the morning, and worse, if the morning would be too late. There was no guarantee that Cade would even still be there if he arrived at the place he'd been sending those letters some days ago…

Before much else, my Leslie reentered the room without the bag she exited with, closely followed by Dr. Stepp himself who only poked his head through the door to say;

"Constable, one of your men is in the lobby needing to speak with you." I nodded, wondering if it was someone from the night patrol here to tell me about the arrival of Paul's party. Perhaps they made better time than I thought?... Most likely it would be an update or just a messenger.

I exited the room, feeling the hand of my wife brush my shoulder as I left through the doorway, and headed down the hall to the lobby. To my surprise, the man standing at the counter watching my arrival was a man covered head to toe in dirt, dust, and dried blood in the vaguest outline of a guardsman uniform beneath it all. The man tilted his hat up as I stepped into the lobby. It was John Langdon.

All were fine. They were done with what they needed to do, and the rest were outside. John was sent ahead to ask permission to reenter town and if now was a good time for Mr. Graham to come in too. The street lighters just reaching the poles around the town square beyond the glass, I gave him the paper I had in my pocket half the afternoon and told him;

"Not until you find the runaway and find out what he's said."

John unfolded the paper, studied the name I'd written on there, memorized the coordinates, and seemed to study the rest I had written. After a moment, he nodded at me, folded the paper, and placed it in his pocket, then took his dust and blood-covered self back out those doors.

The nurse behind the desk looked from me to the doors, still holding a nail file in her hands as a curious look appeared on her face. I tipped my hat to her, she got back to work on her nails, and I followed another nurse with a clipboard into Michelle's room. As the nurse took her place in the middle of the room and I returned to the chair beside Dani and Leslie, all eyes went straight to the nurse when she looked up from the clipboard to Michelle and said;

"Michelle, honey?..." The girl met eyes with the nurse, and a confused look took over her face until the nurse said, "… The test came back and… You're pregnant."

…