Chapter 40: A Perfect Night

If anyone wants to ask me what I'm good at, it's ignoring problems until they're staring me in the face.

I know who will pick me up when I fall, but it's still so so So unbelievably easy to forget that when I live my life and I'm lost in the day to day. I forget. It is so easy to forget about the one who saved you. I seriously wonder why that is. I try to read about it, I wonder why that's the case, but unfortunately I am not a bible expert. I simply don't know. He saves you from so much, you love to learn about him, you make friends because of him, he leads you to the one you marry, you have fights with your spouse, you have fights with your kids, you have struggles with your coworkers, and you forget about the supreme despair in which you were saved from.. you forget about the monumental problems of the time before when you are lost in the pettiness of what is currently happening around you.

And then, out of nowhere you are asked about it…

4 Days Later

It must have been less than a day after the meeting with the NCR Trade Boss when the rest of my detachment, the "newer" guys most notably, returned from the lumber job. So, Carl could have gone with them… Anyway, there simply isn't much to say about those following days. I occasionally saw some of the wasteland toughs I noticed in the NCR Trade Post buying weapons at various merchants along the roads. The training of the new guards was going fine, and most of them were proficient in the weapons we use.

It was also the day the rest of my men returned when the Constable notified me and the other commanders about a new halt on the training of the new men. There was much more to it, but putting it as simply as possible: there were not enough commanders to take the new men out into the wastes for experience while also keeping daily operations going.

The whole situation with the new men was a bit of a mess in all honesty, and there weren't enough of us experienced men to provide the type of wilderness training I was able to provide for Granger Till, Licus, Fleischer, and Hansley. So, a temporary halt was put in place, and the Constable told me about a number of operations coming up that was going to need experienced men. To say nothing of our deal with Leonard and the outcome of his proposition. In the end, the guard was going to be stuck with a large amount of new guards who were fit for little more than market patrols and tower duty for the foreseeable future… Although it was kept out of the mind of the other commanders, it was the Constable and I who wondered even more about how Leonard's expedition would go.

As the slow hours on watch passed, we'd see the toughs gathering their gear, buying their new weapons, and readying themselves to clear a way north through White Leg territory. Our threat assessment was as honest as we could give, and we really did hope that Leonard's idea wouldn't cause even more deaths, or create the need for more guards with our involvement in however the Elders decided to handle the outcome of the venture. As it was stated before, there was nothing to really do but wait, even as the little column of smoke on the faraway cliff disappeared.

Although it may be somewhat anti-climactic, there again wasn't a lot to say about the meeting I had with Graham after the meeting with the trade boss. I actually almost forgot about it upon return to the barricade, leading the last few patrols, and a nice chat with Ranger Townsley. I liked the man, found him pretty charming, and he seemed genuinely interested in the Gospel, especially the Old Testament, even if he wasn't ready to convert outright. By the time our chat with him was over, it was the end of shift, and as the men changed places with those of the night guard, I departed the company of my men, making my way to that cliff as the street-lighters began their work across the market.

Graham was doing well…

I sat with him by the little flame, surrounded by the thick bushes, and he said he always wondered if his camp could be seen from the NCR trade post. The distance was a bit far for him to make out any windows, and he understandably never came within 500 yards of the place. I brought up the idea of him moving his camp, but he said he didn't think that was necessary, especially since he said he was almost never there during the day, and when he was, he could see anyone approaching from a mile off. At night, however, the smoke couldn't be seen, and his campfire was positioned so that only someone atop the Temple steeple could see any trace of his flame. He'd clearly thought everything out, and me and so many others in the guard had seen what he was capable of on so many occasions that we had absolutely no reason to have any doubts about his safety. Still though, he agreed that staying in town for a few days was a fine idea.

Donning his thick leather hooded cloak, he followed me into town and visited his residence on the north end of town for the first time in over a month while I headed home to my family.

Some reading this may know that I find it very hard to talk about my family, especially when certain memories are involved, and especially after the strain in my relationship with them after Michelle gave birth. I hadn't been there for my family during or immediately after some of the most difficult moments in that 9 month stretch, and Michelle's miraculous decision to keep the baby after deciding to put him up for adoption in the weeks and months prior to the birth. The whole thing was very hard for me, her decision to keep the child was especially hard for reasons I couldn't explain to the children. It was the instance that made me leave for the Sevieri job, and although I would not take it back considering my friend Daniel's life was on the line, the trip itself made me reflect on the 9 months before that scout.

During Michelle's pregnancy, I came home each day after duty and saw my eldest daughter's struggle. I saw Dani's struggle, and I did all I could to be there for them. After enough time, however, after so many nights of hearing Michelle's cries, after holding her so many times, after seeing that child grow inside her, and after reliving what I did to that young raider so many times, it… I saw what it did to her. I saw what she would sometimes do to herself… and it just became too much.

When the hard times became harder and harder, I reached my own breaking point nearly a dozen times in the 9 months, and then I'd leave when I knew I should stay.. but I just couldn't. Since returning from my last scout to help rescue Daniel and the Sevieris, I promised I'd stick around. I'd apologized to my wife, to Michelle, to Hannah, and Joseph for the times I left so many times. I did not deserve their forgiveness or their love, and I truly meant it when I told Hannah that she and her sister, my wife, and even my boy were a lot stronger than me. And then, although there was still some tension left unspoken for the times I left into the dangerous wastes, things were settling down. Over the days, the sight of the baby became less difficult for me, and even if there was still so much work for me to do, I saw the looks my kids and my wife would give me, seeing it clear as day when their loving eyes told me to please stay. I'd look into their eyes and promise them… then I'd see the new baby's eyes and feel the urge to run… an urge to run that was quelled when just across the way, I'd see the piercing blue in the eyes of Graham.

When that burned and wrapped redeemed monster looked to me, my urge to stay, to fight through the discomfort would turn into an unconquerable inferno… then, just when I'd hold my lovely daughter closer, kiss my wife's cheek, and caress the infant's face, out of nowhere, I'd see those blank hollow glowing red eyes sitting above that dusty grey respirator beneath those long dark dreadlocks.

The wedding of my lower guardsman Carl Northrup and Jessica Winley, Michelle's former babysitter, was truly a wonderful ceremony. It occurred where 90% of New Canaan weddings occur, in the prayer garden next to the Temple. It was a little unexpected for a guardsman's wedding to happen on a Sunday, only because the guard Sabbath days were still on Saturday, but that was alright. Carl of course got the shift off, and although it was only my detachment that had to take the additional day off as well, Carl thankfully had enough sway with Jessica to make the ceremony later in the day. Carl didn't seem to really care which of his friends were there for the ceremony, but he made especially certain that the reception would begin just as the day shift ended, and we all knew exactly why he did that.

So, as beautiful as the ceremony in the prayer garden was in the late afternoon, I too was very much looking forward to the reception as I stood up there near the end, looking out at the families in the front row, seeing my family in the middle on Carl's side, and just as I saw Jessica take place with her father beyond the gate, I whispered past Ramos to Nathan;

"You want Ramos to hand over the ring, Nathan?"

Ramos stifled a laugh and Nathan leaned forward, giving me a wink as he said, "Nope, I could do it lefty if I had to, but I'm so glad you asked, Paul."

I could feel John's eyes from my left on us with an intense unspoked "Shhh" to all of us, and Nathan revealed a contraption mounted to his forearm where his right hand used to be. It was essentially a hook, like one would see in a "children's book" about the old murderers and thieves of the ocean supposedly called "pirates";

"Pretty cool, huh? Steve in scav whipped this thing up for me just the other day. Figured I'd try it out today."

The ring sat swaying along the bottom of the hook with every motion he made. I signaled for Nathan to lower the volume, and Carl gave us an audible, "Guys, Shhhh! Please." As his eyes remained fixed on his bride standing beside her father just outside the gate. Nathan of course had to give one last word,

"Sorry your majesty. Didn't know today was such a BiG dEaL," and the poor Mr. Ramos began turning blue to keep from laughing as the choir began, the gate opened, and Jessica came forth as the ceremony began.

Again, the ceremony was very beautiful. I've known Carl as a great man of my detachment for nearly 6 years, and my wife and I knew Jessica for nearly 15 since she started sitting for us when she herself was just a girl. I was proud of and loved both of them, but I don't think I'm alone when I say that men handle emotional things better when we find some humor in it. Not sure why that is, but as I saw Dani and my girls and countless other couples or families packed into the prayer garden and tearing up in their seats, I always found myself keeping it together by watching Nathan giving Jessica's bridesmaids very obvious winks, or watching Ramos staring in near awe at the bridesmaid across from him, Cathy Elisandro. For whatever reason, it was much easier to hold back a smirk than it was to hold back tears in a beautiful ceremony…

Anyway, at the words "I do" said by both Jessica and Carl, the two kissed, and me and Carl's brothers of the guard linked arms with the bridesmaids as we followed the newlyweds out to the town square for the reception. Passing my family on the way down the aisle, all the guests cheered, and I felt very good. The rest of the guests followed us out and the reception slowly began as everyone maneuvered to the light of the lanterns and candles around the square. Many stood by in groups and talked while others took seats at the large round tables, I met up with my wife and kids, and I could see Nathan and the other guards frequently stealing glances in the direction of the barracks as the newlyweds disappeared temporarily to take their historic photo for the New Canaan archives.

There are few words to describe a night like that. I'd been here for several weddings that took place on these same grounds in front of the large temple. Holding Dani's waist as she talked with her friends in one of the women's groups, and holding my Michelle as some of the other ladies were taken in by the new baby, I watched Hannah and Joseph run off, Joseph immediately beginning to chase his friends around the tables while I looked to the glowing lanterns as the sky got steadily darker. The sky above us was as pink and blue as it could possibly be, and the sound of laughter and joy filled the air while all was perfect in life. I held my wife and daughter closer as the crisp breeze picked up, and several of the guests gravitated closer to the open flames beside the tables. Many began to take their seats, and my eyes went to the other groomsmen, most notably, Nathan and Ramos who'd linked up with Parrish, Barnett, Licus, Hansley, and the others. The older men of my detachment who got to attend the ceremony like John and Rhynes had found their families and were all engaged in conversation with their neighbors of the community they so rarely got to see. Then finally, my eyes went to the Constable.

I'd seen the Constable sitting near my family during the ceremony, still towering over nearly everyone even while seated, and right beside Leslie and his girl, Emilia. While waiting for the return of the newlyweds, I could see the Constable standing just beyond the glow of one of the warming flames, speaking to none other than Mr. Graham. I hadn't seen Graham during the ceremony even though he tended to stick out wherever he went, but they stood talking just outside the perimeter of joy made by all the smiling and laughing guests. There was simply no way to tell how the wrapped man was enjoying himself, but the slight grin on the Constable's face as the two looked over the rest of the guests told me all I needed to know when my eyes caught the other two beside them. Right next to the Constable was a little girl who I figured was his girl Emilia at first glance, but looking closer, it was actually Hannah? Why Hannah decided to perch herself next to the Constable and Mr. Graham when she could have been playing with her friends, I wasn't sure… until I saw the wide-brimmed hat on the other side of her.

Mr. Schmitt had told me about his time with Hannah earlier today. We were a little focused on helping carry boxes of décor to the square and prayer garden to have too deep a discussion, but Hannah seemed to have a nice time, and Duncan didn't appear "less" emotionless so that was a clear sign that he enjoyed himself as well. I really liked the young man, and although he had a shell he'd only ever let down in the presence of the guard, part of me hoped that teaching Hannah what she was excited to learn would help him lower it with others of the town. Still, I found it sorta funny and strange how my little girl wanted to spend time next to Duncan, her grandpa, and the Burned Man, rather than play with her friends… Perhaps my little girl really was starting to turn into a woman.

After making out the Constable and the group he was with, I couldn't think about much else for long since there suddenly came a loud cacophony of noise growing louder from the southeast end of the square. Nathan and the young guardsmen immediately grew excited and hastily began moving towards the group of bridesmaids and pretty female guests. I smiled, knowing exactly what they were doing as the noise from the east became discernable while a large crowd of young men in clean white shirts and black pants entered the square. At the words of the male crowd;

"Where's the single girls?", "Show me that lucky bastard, Carl!", and "Food! Where are you? I'm starving!"

The guardsmen of the dayshift and "Single Boy's Home" had officially arrived. The guests of the wedding and people of town, old and young, stormed to the tables hoping to claim their preferred tables before the guardsmen and the groups merged. The aroma of the food prepared and donated by the shops of town arrived on heated carts, and the young men of the guard took all the fold-out chairs, crowding around all the tables… mostly gravitating towards the tables with the youngest and prettiest women of the town, if not to their sweethearts they were already dating.

Joseph returned to my side, the Constable approached me with Hannah in tow, and Dani led us to the long head table for our assigned seats. The sun got lower, the lights across the square glowed brighter, and the sounds of joy were endless as the food was ready to be served when at last, there they were. Carl and Jessica stepped up to the edge of the square, and everything went quiet, Elder Harlan announced the new couple to nearly a whole third of the entire town, and everyone cheered as they approached the head table to take their places at the center. Someone gave the call, and the food was served.

Looking at Ramos on my right, Dani on my left, and my kids across the table, their happy faces glowing past the table center flames, and all those wonderful people of my home beyond, these kinds of nights could only be described as absolutely perfect.

After the prayer spoken by Elder Harlan himself, everyone ate. I looked past Ramos and Nathan on my right, seeing Carl looking happier than I had ever seen him beside his gorgeous bride before my attention went to John on my wife's left who asked me about my speech. I told him that he heard the story I was going to tell already. He was left a little puzzled at this since I had told several stories at several different weddings over the years. I told him he'd just have to wait, our attentions half focused on our boys playing a slapping game across the table. Mrs. Langdon was kind enough to intervene, and Ramos nudged me, asking somewhat anxiously how long his speech needed to be. All I told Ramos was to just speak from the heart and say whatever comes to mind however long or short it may be, then told him that it won't be hard to just do better than Nathan the best man. The young man chuckled at first, but said instantly,

"That doesn't help much, LT. He always kills it at stuff like this…"

"Exactly, that's because he doesn't think before he speaks, so just be like him."

Just then, Nathan turns to me, looking past Ramos, saying to me with a hand over his mouth but still full, "You talking crap about me, Paul? That's right! I don't have to call you LT anymore! What do you say to that, tough guy?"

"Of course I'm talking crap about you, Nathan…" I chuckled, feeling Dani's nudge to my ribs, "Sorry honey," before adding to Nathan, "Why don't you go back to scav or swashbuckling, or whatever you do these days!"

He laughed, the kids laughed, and the magic of the evening beyond the table continued. More residents of town congregated at the edge of the square, waiting to hear the speeches, and waiting to join the end of the official stuff.

Nobody in New Canaan was Not invited to a New Canaan wedding, but people understood that there was usually only so much food the shops could donate, there were only so many chairs, etc, so the families and friends of the newlyweds had priority. Because of that, the other people of town usually gathered around the edge of the square until the official parts were over, and at that point, the weddings morphed into town-wide celebrations.

As the plates were cleared, the wine was poured and the glasses were distributed to everyone at every table. This was one of the only exceptions to the no alcohol rule; weddings and certain communions during the year. So, once all the glasses were out, filled with only enough to make a small mouse drunk, Elder Harlan gave his announcement, and it was time for those of us closest to the newlyweds to speak.

I have to admit that even I nearly cried at Ellie Hinton's speech about Jessica. I had no idea that Jessica was so loved by the girls in Preservation and the agricultural sect, and had no idea she did so much for the refugee village since it was set up near the end of 77… I also didn't know Jessica went on 4 other missions after her first at 18, even though she was 25? I think?... I didn't know Jessica quite as well as my wife did, even though Jessica Winley (now Northrup) had been close with us for so long. Either way, the fact my wife appeared to be trying and failing to hold back sobs by the time Ellie was done speaking, said exactly how precious Jessica was to our household. To keep my composure and keep strong during that emotional speech, I kept my mind occupied wondering how Nathan's speech was going to go, and trying to figure out what my son was doing under the table.

I'd never seen my son so calm. His head hung low like he was praying or stuck in the deepest concentration. This was only odd because I could count the number of times he was able to sit in one place for more than 5 minutes on one hand, but there he was. He was completely calm, still just staring down at his lap beyond the flame between my kids and I… I figured he must have been trying to get something off his hands again… It was my intention to ask Dani if she'd seen him spill something earlier, but she was still too emotional to do that as she joined the applause that occurred immediately after Ellie was done speaking and Jessica stood up to hug her.

When the applause finally died down, the last of the tears were wiped away, and the silence took over the guests around each table, my attention went to the man standing himself up just past Mr. Ramos on my right…

I honestly don't feel it's that appropriate to tell Nathan's story verbatim. All I can and all I will say is that it was of course borderline completely inappropriate.

I suppose I can also say that the story had all the guests of the general population left fairly unnerved, completely silent, or completely confused on how to feel about it… especially when it left all the guards nearly falling out of their chairs in total hysteria.

Nathan raised his glass in cheers to the new couple, and the majority of the guests took their sips while the crazy laughter of the guards hit it's peak one of them near the back fell out of his chair and someone shouted through hysteria, "Take him to Dr. Stepp! He's dyin! Hahahaha!"

I looked to Nathan who stood grinning as he looked over the crowd, I looked to Ramos who was doing his absolute best to keep from pounding the table, and then to Carl who was probably whispering to his new wife how there was a lot she had to understand now that she married a veteran of the guard… I looked everywhere I could, trying my hardest to avoid the piercing gaze of my wife on the side of my head… Thanks to Nathan, there was even more I had to tell my wife about Carl's first expedition six years ago since Nathan made especially sure to mention that I was the one leading them out there.

Perhaps I'll be more detailed about Nathan's story in the future, but at the moment, the most important thing is what happened after the laughter of the guardsmen died and the next bridesmaid stood.

As Amy Maddox stood to keep her dress as lovely as it was, she shot Nathan an annoyed look as he took his seat, and the girl reset her composure to look at her beloved friend Jessica before she began. Amy began her speech for the new couple and dear friend, and I nudged the young man on my right saying plainly,

"You're up next, kid. Remember, just stay calm and speak from the heart. You got this."

He glanced up at me from the paper he had below the table with a look of thanks, and just then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned, thinking it was my wife, but it was a lot rougher, and I immediately saw her not looking at me, but at someone behind me. It was a man of the guard in full kit looking down at me.

"Ryder?..." I asked the young man of the night guard just past the glow of the table center flame. I admittedly wasn't very familiar with everyone in the night guard. I did know his Lieutenant somewhat well however.

I could see Dani in my peripherals looking concernedly between him and me as the young man leaned closer and whispered in my ear;

"Yes, sir. I apologize for the interruption, Lieutenant Young, but Lieutenant Gardner needs you at the gate."

"What's going on?" I asked, my eyes going from my wife to the night guardsman to my girls across the table half focused on Amy's speech and half on me. The young guardsman answered;

"I'm not sure, but there's a stranger asking to speak to you. He insists it's urgent."

Looking to the concern in my wife's eyes, I thought for a moment, half hearing the words "Ranger" and "Stranger" come from the guardsman's mouth.

After a moment, the crowd gave an "Aww" sound at something Amy said, and I looked to Lt. Gardner's man's face, seeing that he really did not want to ask me to come, but that he still had to, and this was indeed urgent.

I placed a hand on my wife's cheek, wordlessly begging her pardon and assuring her that I would be right back as I rose from my seat and told the young man, "Right behind you"

"Thank you, sir." Said Ryder, and it didn't look like anyone other than my wife, my girls, and Mr. Ramos even noticed my leaving.

Ramos saw me rise and whispered in a quiet panic, "LT? Where you going? You're up after me."

I told the man quickly, "I'll be right back. There's just a situation at the gate. Nothing to panic about, but if I'm not back before it's my turn, just tell them it's business."

He nodded reluctantly, still confused, and shifted his attention between me, my kids, and Amy's speech as I followed the young man away from the flames and lanterns around the town square.

I gave another quick glance back at the head table as I followed the young man of the night guard, and could still see my wife and girls following my departure with their eyes… My son was still praying or staring at his hands beneath the table.

Following the guardsman through the desolate streets of town and between the glowing streetlamps, the sounds of applause sounded in the rear distance as we approached the gate.