Haikyuu!
Higher
Chapter 05: Resolve

"So, what's the deal with your libero?"

Sugawara sighed, knowing exactly what Aika was referring to. "Asahi Azumane," was his only reply. "Our Ace. And Nishinoya's closest friend and greatest ally on the court." He looked down sadly, his memories still taking a toll on him.

Looking at the door, which Nishinoya had disappeared out of only a few minutes ago, she sighed. "Male pride," she mumbled. "You boys are all the same. Stubborn in the head, and you refuse to back down. Was it a lost game? Where your Ace failed? Or was it your libero? Or even you?" Her eyes pierced him as she turned to him.

Sugawara shivered. She was right on the mark again, but this time, the truth hurt even more than he would like to admit. It was the fault of everyone involved, and things got too out of hand too quickly. He couldn't have done anything to help.

"You're thinking something like, 'I could've done more for them,' right?" And there were her freakishly accurate guesses again. "Stop thinking like that. All it'll do is give you a headache 'cause you think of what could've been. It's not your problem anymore. Fix what's wrong with you first. You can't help everyone, and you shouldn't want to. Each person has to solve their problems by themselves."

She pushed herself off the wall and waved, going down to the Foothill Store in order to get the boys some drinks and snacks for during practice, just in case they lost their energy too quickly. He stared after her, somehow knowing that she was right.

He just hated that she was.

Asahi Azumane, power spiker (aka Ace).

The name on the top of the paper taunted her.

She had said to Sugawara that everyone had to solve their own problems, but it was bothering her much more than she would have liked. The team was splintered, with all of their fragments scattered all over the place. There was so much tension that there wouldn't be any possible way for them to put the team together again until the tension was resolved.

"Asahi Azumane, huh? And Tanaka said that he's a senpai, so he's a third year…" she mumbled to herself, staring intently at the page.

The heading was all she had filled out that day at practice. She'd gotten a full page about Nishinoya and added to each person's stats, but the only thing she knew about the Ace was his name and that he had quit going to practice after something happened involving him, Sugawara, Nishinoya, and a game that had been unwinnable and spirit-breaking.

She sighed. It was none of her business, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to help, to give them the push that they needed in order to get back to normal, back to being a team.

Closing her notebook, she stood from her desk.

That was more than enough volleyball for the day.

The next day, during lunch, Aika found herself standing in front of class 3-3. She'd asked around, searching for Asahi Azumane, and eventually got a number from a girl who was in his class. The girl had seemed surprised, but was glad to give the first year the class number.

She hesitated before the door, wondering if it was any of her business, whether she was really allowed to just butt in like she was about to. After all, she was an outsider in the volleyball team. She was just a girl who decided to help out a team that needed some help. She had no business interfering with their relationships with each other or their fate as a member of the Karasuno team. It wasn't her place to comment on any of those things.

"Aika?" She glanced over her shoulder, seeing the freshman duo standing behind her. Hinata grinned widely. "Are you here to see the Ace, too?"

She suddenly shook her head, turning away from the classroom. "No. Just trying to push some things back into place. He's inside if you wanted to talk to him," she replied easily, moving past the two. She paused suddenly, looking to Kageyama, whose piercing gaze was trained on her.

Her eyes widened as his narrowed.

He could see right through her.

It freaked her out a little, and she walked away, just as quickly as she possibly could. She didn't like how much his eyes reminded her of her own. How much they seemed to know with only a single glance. It was like he could tell that she was lying.

She bit her lip as she made her escape, not looking back at Kageyama, turning the corner and pushing herself against the wall. She didn't know why she didn't just return to her classroom. Maybe it was still a sense of desperation, but there was something else.

It was more like she needed to know what happened to Asahi Azumane.

"Aren't you going to play, too?" she could hear Hinata ask. "I want to be the next Ace, so I have to see you, the Ace, play."

She could practically hear the sadness in Azumane's voice as he replied, "Sorry, but I'm not the Ace."

That sadness wasn't the sadness of someone who'd had their sport stripped away from them by physical means, like injury or just an inability to play. It was more the sadness of someone whose spirit had been completely and entirely crushed, so much that they hated themselves, and that hatred reflected onto the sport. He wasn't refusing to play because he couldn't. He was just scared to play.

Her hands clenched into fists. She quickly followed him, walking down the hallway behind him. Her eyes trained on his broad back. His figure was much taller than hers, but he was slouching, like the words that Hinata spoke injured him.

He could still play. He was walking just fine. His wrists were intact, as was the rest of his body. The only things that had been injured were his pride and his confidence.

They reached the stairwell, and Aika froze at the top of the stairs. She could understand him, but she couldn't allow herself to accept his reasoning. After all, he still had something that she did not.

"Azumane senpai," she finally called. He turned around, stopping halfway down the flight of stairs that she stood atop. His big, brown eyes stared up at her in confusion. From where she stood, she was tall, powerful. "I'm Aika Yamada. I'm working with the volleyball team. Your team."

He froze, then looked down to his school shoes. "They're not my team anymore," he mumbled.

Her eyes narrowed. "That's funny, 'cause they still think of you as a teammate. Especially that little libero, Nishinoya senpai." His head snapped up at the name. "They all want you to come back. The team needs you. They're falling apart."

He shook his head. "They have others," he protested weakly.

"But none like you. You played volleyball with Sugawara senpai and Sawamura senpai for two years, then you just up and left them? What kind of person does that?"

Her words were sharp, and they clearly had an effect on him. They were unnecessary and cold, but there was no other way for her to get through to him. He'd only stubbornly deflect niceties, and she couldn't afford to waste any time.

"I…" he trailed off.

"Stop running. So, you got blocked a few times, so what? Everyone gets blocked. There's a wall on the other side of every net, and passing it is just part of playing the game. If you give up, that means you're trapped on the other side of the wall while the rest of your team passes. They'll leave you behind if you wait too long."

"I know that." His own hands curled into fists. "I know, but I just… I can't do it anymore. We lost that game because I kept calling for the toss. I kept trying to spike, over and over and over again, but they kept falling to our side of the court. Yet for some reason, they didn't blame me. I can't understand why…"

Aika sighed. "Because you're the Ace. Your job is to call for the toss," she murmured. "No one would blame you for doing your job."

Azumane continued to hesitate. "I can't face them anymore. I left. I don't deserve to come back. I can't play volleyball anymore."

"With all due respect, senpai, shut up." He looked at the tiny freshman girl, whose head was hung, her hair falling into her face. "You still have the full use of your body, don't you? If you have any love for volleyball left in you, then I think you're an idiot for quitting. You have no idea… how it feels to not be able to play. You may have lost your confidence in yourself, but that can come back. What can't return is your physical ability. As long as you have that, you can play. Stupid."

She turned away, feeling tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She didn't want this weak senpai to see her cry. He didn't deserve that. He didn't need to know what had happened to her. He was too stubborn and too blind to see that he could return to the team without a fuss.

Unlike her.

She could never stand on a court again.

Aika sat on the sidelines of the gym, watching as the chaos of the Karasuno team continued. The gym seemed even louder than usual, thanks to the addition of the hyperactive Nishinoya, whose energetic nature was only a match for Hinata's.

She continued to take notes on Nishinoya, pleased to finally see someone who was wholly dedicated to the art of receiving. It was rare to have someone so talented, who moved so naturally in order to save a ball, to keep it from touching the ground.

Although, she only wished he could be a little quieter.

"Aika, why am I not 'Nishinoya senpai' in your notes?!" he practically yelled in her ear. "I am your senpai, aren't I?!"

Rolling her eyes, she deftly added "senpai" after his name, right on the top of his page. "Better?" she asked, sarcasm leaking into her tone as she quirked an eyebrow at him.

His eyes seemed to sparkle. "I have such a cute kohai! I'm so blessed!" he sniffed, wiping away tears that leaked from his eyes. Aika pushed herself away from him, moving to stand near Sugawara as he laughed at Nishinoya.

"Don't worry, Aika," Sugawara said. He gently patted her on the head. "Nishinoya is always like that. You'll get used to him."

She sighed. "God, I hope not."

Their noisy practice was quickly interrupted by an overly-excited Takeda, who quickly announced that, at the end of Golden Week, a week-long training camp that took place on a vacation week, they would have a practice game against an old rival school of Karasuno, called Nekoma, nicknamed "Cat."

Aika grinned viciously, her hands clutching at her notebook. Her heart rate was increasing quickly, and she could already tell that this match would be something to behold.

They still needed practice, and a lot of it, but they were definitely going to be a force to be reckoned with.

Asahi looked down at the two freshmen who had so eagerly come to talk to him, despite the third year hallway being a little scary for them. They'd faced him with such confidence that he was almost jealous. Especially of the tiny one with bright, orange hair.

"I can't see past the walls anymore," he finally admitted, his words slow and unsure. He kept his gaze trained on his feet, like his shame was keeping him trapped. "I keep thinking that I'll get shut out again. It's scary and destructive, but it's all I can think about."

For a moment, the two were silent at his words.

"Sorry for sounding so cocky, but…" The orange-haired one hesitated, looking almost upset. "I get it. I'm small, and I'm not very good at anything but spiking, so I get blocked a lot. I hate it. But now, I have him," he pointed to the taller, black-haired one, who only looked sour, "tossing to me, and I can get past anyone. Whenever he tosses to me, I see the entire court open up."

I can sort of remember what that looks like.

"And then, when I spike, I can feel the ball hit my palm, like it fits right there. It's the greatest feeling in the world!"

Yeah… I remember that feeling, too.

"And even if I make a mistake, Aika is there to cheer me up. She tells me that I'll get it next time, and she tells me that I can fix things and get even better. She tells me that every fall is a chance to get back up even stronger."

Aika? Isn't that the girl from yesterday?

"I'm kind of jealous of you, and I know she would be, too. You're tall and strong, and you can still play well. You're not like me or Aika. We don't have those things, although I can still play. But you have those things. Even though you've gotten blocked, haven't you scored points? Probably more than you blocked, right?"

They sound just like her words.

"That's why you're the Ace, isn't it?"

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. But Kageyama was the only one who moved. Asahi simply stared at the small boy, whose eyes were filled with a fire that he'd thought had long been extinguished from his own. It was only after Kageyama spoke up that Asahi's gaze moved.

"You can't win by yourself, but you don't have to. There's five other people on the court." He paused. "I just learned this myself, so I shouldn't lecture you. Sorry."

Their words rattled around in his brain, reminding him of what had once been. He knew exactly what both Hinata and Kageyama spoke of. The teamwork, the view, the feeling… He knew them all very, very well. He knew better than he wanted to admit.

He found the day slipping by faster than he thought it word, as he was completely distracted by the words that were echoing in his mind. He was so lost in thought that he found himself standing in front of the gym doors, listening to the sound of the ball bouncing off the floor, off the walls, and off limbs. It was a familiar, comforting sound.

Peering in, he could hear the voices of both Kageyama and Hinata echoing, yelling as they tossed and spiked, practicing a duo attack.

"You're closing your eyes again, Shoyo!" he heard a feminine yell, the voice of the short girl that had confronted him on the stairs. "I told you, aim!"

"Sorry, sorry! I'll try again!"

"Fine, hurry up! Before the others come in!"

I miss it. I do miss it.

Aika could hear the voices of Azumane and Sawamura. She hid her bitter smile. Everything was falling back into its proper place, but she was still somewhat upset. After all, he still hadn't learned. He had to be taught.

He could still play.