The title comes from "No One Must Ever Know", from the Jekyll & Hyde musical.

A magician's most important tool would always be the ability to lead around their audience's attention. To move it away from where the real trick was happening, and obfuscating their ability to think by using big words and fancy movements elsewhere.

It is a skill, just like performing the tricks themselves. But magnitudes more important because, without it, the "magic" lost its shine. It ceases being something special, something to enjoy. And, without that mystique, all that's left would be a con artist trying to deceive a crowd into believing that magic was real.

"No, no, no, no…"

The same principle could be said to apply in life. Wrap your actions in mystique and confidence, and people would generally believe whatever you say. They'd want to believe because, deep down, people were taught to look up to people that showcased these traits that embody the vision of "success".

"You call this a 'step in the right direction'? You just said hi to the chick!" A lot could be said about the tone and frustration in Fuyuko-san's voice, conveyed with such rawness even through the distortion of the phone call. However, she'd seemingly calmed down in last month or so; making him think that she was dropping her guard a bit too much. So, seeing her react this strongly, made him feel a bit… Glad.

It wasn't like it didn't stir ugly emotions in him, but, well, someone like Kamiki Hikaru was adept at digging up small mercies amidst the ugly and terrifying.

At least she's thinking about this, at least she's still as involved as I am, at least I'm not alone in this, at least I'm not alone, at least I yet live, at least I remain "free".

Hikaru had his eyebrows furrowed. He didn't need to keep up the expression to match with his tone of voice, but that was what happened when people felt and acted in general. So, of course, he dutifully imitated the correlation between tone and expression even though there was no one to see him in the safety of his room.

"Ummm… I thought I told you I'd take things slowly? Given that being too direct failed, we agreed that being more roundabout was worth exploring and stuff…" He looked at his phone, lying beside him on bed, while he turned around to rest on his stomach. Placing the comic book he had with him in a position where he could just look down to keep reading.

"It's been months, Kamiki! Months! Do you know how hard it is to keep my mom off my back?! I'm going insane here!"

Not like that affected Hikaru in any way beside having to hear her bitch about it, but…

"I'm sorry." …It wasn't like someone would say that to one of their closest relationships. "It just has to feel natural, y'know."

"I'm going to be kicked off B-Komachi before you even get her number at this rate!" There was a pause, probably having to do with Fuyuko-san's words. And Hikaru closed his eyes for a moment, bracing for whatever the idol's mind had crafted now. "Is that it? Are all guys just the same? You see a pair of mommy milkers and you just can't help yourself?"

Die in a—Of course that'd be the first thing that she remembers the girl for. Why wouldn't she? People always remembered others by their looks. Be it due to envy or attraction; that hadn't changed even outside of the entertainment industry. Even the normal people trying to study in his field were like that.

"No." Hikaru placed his face on the pillow, covering the comic book for a moment while he gritted his teeth. Taking the chance, now that there were no eyes on him. And only lifted his face when he felt confident in his tone. "Please, calm down Fuyuko-san. You're not thinking straight."

What was worse? The fact that he needed someone to be able to say those words out loud, or that he might need to hear them constantly? That he couldn't bring himself to tell himself that even in the mirror?

Relax…

"Like hell I am—!" Hikaru covered the speaker for a moment, feeling like he wouldn't be able to carry the girl's feelings on top of his own. "—and you're probably reading that stupid manga again!"

Oh, wow. How did she know?

"The smart guy in most of my classes likes it, what can I do?" Taking time off school could be dangerous. He needed the cover, just like Fuyuko-san needed to show her mom that she was still an idol. Things could be bad if they were found lacking, people would get curious. And curiosity was only steps away from suspicion.

It had been months, but Hikaru still slept even worse than before. Wondering when people would come knocking at his doorstep, ready to feed him to the wolves.

He didn't know what to think about Ai-san not contacting him after his mistake, about her giving no sign at all that she acknowledged his existence. Gladness bled into worry, and despair eroded his nervousness even more. Because there was no way that Ai-san didn't know, that she didn't suspect that it had been him. And, even though more than enough time had gone by, Hikaru still couldn't deal with the hot pot of emotions that this whole thing created.

Relax…

"One of the main three gets possessed by the villain and his super powerful technique is used to obliterate their mentor." Fuyuko-san said after a moment, breaking through Hikaru's bundle of nerves.

He lifted his face, expression even, and loudly closed the comic book before tossing it aside; since he didn't have to keep reading. As he already had something to talk about with the smart guy, thanks to Fuyuko-san.

For now.

"Did that make you feel better?" Hikaru mumbled, letting some of the roughness in his heart translate to his voice. But only enough to let her know that she got a reaction out of him. That was what she was looking for, and giving her that sounded like the shortest path to getting her to shut up.

"No. I'm going crazy, literally losing my mind here." Fuyuko-san would probably be pulling on her hair or something. But, by the way she made her voice smaller, it seemed like she wasn't alone wherever she was.

Oh, great. That meant that she couldn't just go on another rant, but it also meant that she'd stay with all that nervous energy for longer.

What to do…?

"You talk to the idol girls; you still have a place in there." Hikaru didn't want to lead the conversation in that direction, but it'd probably be necessary so that Fuyuko-san didn't bring herself, and Hikaru by proxy, more trouble than she could handle. "I don't know if anyone knows me. I can't really risk figuring that out. Because if I bet wrong…"

"Right, right… You'll go down." Fuyuko-san sighed. "And you'll take me with you."

Hikaru didn't smile or visibly react. But it was good that Fuyuko-san knew that their alliance was now one of mutually assured destruction at best.

"I'd rather not think like that." He sounded innocent enough, but he hoped that Fuyuko-san didn't take it as a barely disguised threat. He couldn't see her face to gauge her reaction. "Didn't Ai-san tell you that she'd do her best to protect your position?"

"Ai-chan has all but abandoned me." Fuyuko-san replied, and something in how defeated she sounded made Hikaru screw his eyes shut. "She doesn't talk to me, or about me with the others. They already barely message me. Even Aibi-san's messages come after a whole day. You're kidding if you think Ai-chan will keep her word."

He didn't want to think like that, he didn't want to speak about that. Whatever he knew, or he thought he knew, wouldn't be changed by Fuyuko-san's words. Emotions could be swayed, but he'd probably regret it if he followed the current of negativity. He just came back, realized what he had done when he stopped pretending. When he stopped wearing the mask of the innocent boy growing up while naively ignoring the darkness of the world.

Change the subject… He needed to change the subject.

"I thought you didn't talk to Ai-san?" He covered his eyes, even though he knew he'd find the love of his life in the darkness of his imagination. The vision might've given him strength before, when they were together, but now it just twisted his heart even further. Made him feel things in ways that he couldn't process.

At least it wasn't straight up, distilled, darkness.

"What?"

"You said you got Ai-san's messages?"

"No, not Ai-chan! Aibi, Aibi-san… Kyun." Fuyuko-san replied with exasperation rather than nervousness.

"How was I supposed to know that?" Hikaru didn't really care about the other six… Five. And that was one of the things that had made Fuyuko-san feel more comfortable in his company, or so he had been led to believe. The fact that Fuyuko-san was forgetting these things promised nothing but even more trouble. "Literally when have you called them by their names?"

"Well, you'd know if you paid attention to what I tell you!"

"Fuyuko-san, I always pay attention." It was one of the quintessential traits that made people like each other: Feeling heard, feeling like someone was interested in what they had to say. Hikaru would bet anything to the fact that Fuyuko-san had never brought these things up. "And that's why I'm sure you haven't mentioned this before. You're cracking."

"…" There was no answer for a moment, no hint that Hikaru's words had had any effect except for the fact that she was no longer yelling at him. That is, until he heard the girl blow her nose a bit farther away from the speaker. "I helped her pick up her stage name, y'know."

"Is that why it's… Kind of weird?" Asking leading question was easy, almost second nature to Hikaru. It made conversations flow, and it that meant move on from topics that he didn't want to cover. Which was great, because there were things that he really didn't want to talk about and things that he couldn't even if he wanted.

"It's not weird! You just can't appreciate a smart play of words when you see it."

A play of words? With the way that 'kyun~' is used in moe culture, and the similarity with Ai-san's name… Was Kyun's real name just Ai-san's name but with an extra kanji added?

Hikaru loosely remembered a time when she mentioned that she had been recommended to write her real and stage name with different kanji, but she had a lot of trouble remembering the alternative spelling. And she feared that she'd forget her "real" name, so she ended up not going through with it…

Or did she?

Ah, now Hikaru was the one forgetting things. Having details slip away from his grasp…

Ai-san…

"Lovely, huh. How… Dare I say, fitting?" Hikaru could've said something more agreeable here but, even with how used he was to having Ai-san clogging his thoughts, he could never get his act together without his full brain capacity.

One day, he just stopped functioning at full capacity. And he never quite recovered again.

"You're just saying things for the sake of it."

"Well, I don't think that counts as wordplay." Hikaru let some of his annoyance show again. "I'm pretty sure you're not using the original spelling or anything."

"So what?! It was very clever!" It seemed like; indeed, it had been the brunette's idea. Or else, she would not get this defensive. "A creative solution for a problem created by Ai-chan!"

"Still no wordplay in sight, that's not how it works." Hikaru closed his mouth for a moment, tightening his chest to keep his voice even. "I don't think Ai-san chose her name when she was born."

"Well, it sure was unfortunate for Kyun!" Oh, so now she went back to calling her by her idol name?

"That's… Also true."

"You really never know what's going to happen with that girl."

…

"That's… Also true." Hikaru turned around, bringing his knees closer to his chest when he repeated himself.

Was it too much to ask? To have a single conversation that didn't dig him deeper into his tainted memories? To let himself get centered to make sure that he wouldn't screw up? It felt like he walked a tight rope, one that vibrated and loosened up every step of the way. At this point, he had to resign himself to hugging it, hanging upside down and hoping that his tired limbs would endure the snail's pace he went through. But it looked like a losing battle. One that he couldn't simply resign, because the only thing waiting for him was the same cold darkness below.

"Kamiki?" Ah, no good. Even Fuyuko-san could tell his tone was slipping. This would not do; how would he be able to go to school the next day? What if people asked? Even if he could make a convincing excuse, every single question would be a twist of the knife. A sore reminder of what was, what wasn't, what could never be.

Every time, every interaction, every room of his own home. He couldn't escape, he couldn't leave the remnants of his feelings behind. Even if he wanted to forget, his actions pushed the thoughts back. The danger made him acutely aware of what laid just beneath his accursed skin. And, if he tried to fool himself into getting strength from what once were fond memories, the coldness would simply spread back. It'd simply make him more incoherent, less in control of his features.

Hikaru looked at the closet. There was a box where he had thrown every item that Ai-san left behind, that she didn't even bother retrieving after leaving, once he realized the huge mistake of having them lying around. He had once thought that he could gain courage from them, that he could squeeze just a tiny bit of the remnants of her light.

It soon proved a fruitless endeavor. And the realization just made things worse. He couldn't bring himself to throw them away, it felt like he'd rather die than do such a thing. But he couldn't bear to even see them either. At some point, it had been alright. He had worked his courage, fooled himself into thinking that he could become strong enough.

Then Ai-san called and he realized he was just as helpless as the last time he'd seen her in person. He hadn't learnt anything; he hadn't stopped being the Hikaru that needed her.

The connections that he made outside, at school, in whatever online hobby was considered popular, felt utterly pointless. Fuyuko-san was tied to him and him to her because of Ai-san. Being around each other was as miserable as it helped him lick his wounds. The spiral of trying to swim up but being dragged deeper never ended. He had once wondered if it was alright for someone like him to pretend to be a normal boy, to try to have a normal life.

Ai-san's call had proved that existing otherwise meant becoming a monster.

"I'm here." Hikaru swallowed loudly, sitting up and heading to the kitchen with the phone on hand. "Look, there's a very real chance that this is really it. That the case is over, your dear fan took his secrets to the grave. We don't need to trip over ourselves."

Or so he said, but it was hard to believe. The world never worked like that. Drop your guard for even an instant, think that things will be okay, and everything just explodes in the worst and most painful way imaginable. It was like Ai-san's memory, in how it left him breathless. Like a tyrant's boot smashing his face on the mud.

"You don't think that." Fuyuko-san sounded more annoyed than helpless.

Good, at least one of them had calmed down enough to have a normal conversation.

"I'm crossing my fingers, here." Hikaru replied while holding a glass of water, hand shaking like he had drank too much coffee.

He couldn't escape, or he'd die. He couldn't let himself fall, or others would suffer for what laid within the deepest, darkest corners of what he called his soul.

An accursed existence that couldn't stop being reminded that it was, indeed, accursed. Loveless, alone, in the dark, becoming like it.

Ai-san might've lived, but that hadn't changed a single thing. It had just re-started cycle. One that would end soon enough… And start anew.

Over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over, and over and over.

Forever.