Observation 1: This was... Laughably easy. I didn't imagine it, I didn't trace it. I don't remember writing another chapter and just... Making it up like this. Should I be concerned?

Observation 2: I'm overstimulated. Oh god, maybe this was a bad idea after all.

A part of him really wanted to go to the store again, get a singular step closer to his objective. Because, while he had told Fuyuko-san to calm down and let him take things slowly, Hikaru understood very well how easily things could change. Going from "nothing's happening" to "everything went wrong" in a moment's notice was, if nothing else, a terrifyingly repetitive occurrence in his life. Steeling his resolve took time, and taking time made him feel worse. Made him reproach himself for the need of taking time to begin with.

A normal person wouldn't require this much self-convincing to stop trying to meet a perfect stranger to get information out of her. Hikaru knew this, understood it perfectly; perhaps better than anyone else in his position. Which only served to sabotage his progress even further.

Every feeling, every instinctual decision, felt like it had been engineered to work in the opposite way that they were meant to. He was not supposed to bring himself closer to any girl not immediately in his day-to-day cycles. He shouldn't consciously make small adjustments to his approach, ticking mental boxes to create the perfect approach. Ai-san hadn't needed any of that, she simply powered through with her chin held high. Even if it wasn't perfect either, people respected confidence. And Hikaru had never seen her lack that.

Could never imagine Ai-san lacking such an important tool-trait.

Still, keeping himself put ate time away. Every moment he wasn't making a mistake, was a moment well-invested. It was sickening, of course it was. But, as long as Hikaru could let things progress the way they were meant to, every second of nauseating loneliness with his thoughts was a second well-invested.

Seconds that, no matter how eternal they felt, would stack up. Become minutes, and minutes would eventually lead to hours.

Chores, school activities, mundane outing with normal people… Yes. It wasn't all suffering. It just so happened that, when he was finally alone, time apparently gained the esoteric property of halting to a crawl. Of making Hikaru painfully aware of his situation.

Projects, research, brainstorming… He needed to distract himself. Every moment doing something was one not dwelling in his memories with Ai-san, it was a moment not getting closer to making another mistake.

He had told Fuyuko-san to calm down, to wait. He had to do the same, he had to follow through.

Surfing the net, buying groceries, doing the laundry… Eventually, he'd be left without things to do. He could buy one or two things every day, artificially create more need to go out shopping. He could bike and run, and wear weights so that he would sweat, so that he'd need to do the laundry for often… But, even then, free time would eventually rear its head. Hikaru would eventually be left alone with his thoughts.

How does one fight a memory? How is time supposed to heal all wounds? Without respite, without the proper separation, it was an impossible task. It was an exercise in futility.

He could taste her in his mouth, feel her on his skin. Once, he had embraced those tainted displays of affection. Used them to endure those that he had accepted only for his survival; foolishly thinking that, eventually, all that his body would remember would be Ai-san's own.

So many years, so much effort… All for naught.

Relax…

Worthless effort, fruitless effort, painful effort. How come hoping only brought people closer to breaking? Did the sacrifices involved in doing things that one does not want to do mean nothing in the end?

Because, in the end, if Ai-san's parting words were all true, then her own touch was…

No.

Yes.

No. No, no, no. Please, no.

Something… Something else. Things to do, to investigate, to complete… Anything that could possibly keep his mind away from dangerous things. From things that could bring out danger. These thoughts were nothing new, they were the ones that Hikaru needed to run away from. The ones that he would've hidden away, buried until time had mended his wounds. The ones he wasn't strong enough to face, to give definitive answers to.

The comic book… How could he ever concentrate? Something else. It would be painful, but studying could probably work? He didn't need to let weeks pass. Hikaru could endure, like had endured thus far.

One day, two days, three days… From minutes to hours, from hours to sunrises and evenings, he only needed a small amount of time. The thoughts that stalked him would not win out.

He couldn't let them, and he couldn't let it show in his face either. Not the difficulty of keeping every fragment of his mind pieced together, not the relief of the wait ending gave him. That relief would be better off employed elsewhere, in the meeting. Used to build up the illusion of charisma, of suave relaxation.

"Hey, Kamiki-kun!" A girl, one of the few in the class. Name, closest friends, how well she did in general; all these things, Hikaru was aware of. But they needed to be actively recalled. They'd usually come easily enough, for anyone in his class, but keeping himself in one piece made things so unnecessarily difficult… "Skipping class again?"

Her appearance blurred a bit too. He couldn't will himself to pay attention, he needed to go.

"Yeah, can't bear getting those long aaaahhhh lectures all week. I'll go insane!" He employed the relief here, shaped it like one would do with clay. Except that, for the finesse, he used his voice instead of fingers. Instead of a spinning base, he chose his words to contain the message he wanted to convey.

"Same, same…" Had this been the former gyaru? Hikaru seemed to recall something of the like, but he really needed to go. The missing information would only become more apparent the longer this conversation went. And, at the moment, he couldn't even bring himself to care about that. He simply… Noted it by force of habit. Took active notice of the things that normal people would infer, but not consciously notice. "I think I'll do the same… Wanna go have some fun? I know a place that—"

Right, of course. It wasn't like this was the first time, or like it would be the last.

"Sorry, I'll go check some stuff at home." Hikaru interrupted her, knowing full well that even with direct rejection some girls would still try to spin things around. He was forced to make up an excuse that would spell 'bothersome' so that people would leave him alone. "Need to replace something in the kitchen sink."

"Ah… Well, but it's not urgent. Right? Why not leave it for later?" She was probably thinking something along the lines of how could someone weigh hanging out with doing a boring chore.

Hikaru would've recalled the tells he had picked up during his time in the class, usually. But he couldn't. It felt like every corner of the corridors had someone waiting to make the turn, waiting for Hikaru to appear to seize him. Like the windows revealed him to the world.

Like countless beady eyes were staring at him.

"No way. I left a mess there, got lazy. Gotta get it done ASAP." With that, he turned around. He could make an excuse later, comment on how gross and irritating the task was. But now, he couldn't bring himself to pretend to care.

He needed to know, needed to get closer to knowing what was happening. He could no longer bring himself to believe that things would be alright. Lines cannot be crossed without repercussions, and the world never gave out safety freely.

His life had taught him this much. For something to be kind of okay, a great price needed to be paid. If Hikaru wasn't being hunted down, then something else had to be happening. If Ai-san wasn't finishing him, then, certainly, she was doing something else.

Because things didn't make sense otherwise. He didn't want them to make sense otherwise.

Airi-san's death had seen him come out basically unharmed. He hadn't thought about it then, but how come things became easier when he committed unfixable mistakes?

But Ai-san was different. She wasn't, couldn't be, the same as people as Airi-san. Even if she told Hikaru, straight to his face, that she had basically done the same to him as—

Relax…

No. The point. The point of all of this, the purpose. He had to remember it, cling to it with all of his will.

Ai-san was different. By her sheer existence, she simply made things better. The pain of weighing his despair against the hope that her continued existence created… The gladness of feeling fate conspire so that Hikaru's darkness couldn't reach her…

All mixed up, all inherently painful. If she was indeed different, then this mistake was fixable by nature. And, if so, there was a chance for Hikaru to get out of this gross pit of half-baked thoughts and memories.

On the other hand, he wouldn't be able to get away with it. It didn't make sense. And, in a way, on top of all of that, perhaps that was for the best. Perhaps it was better if he didn't get away with his actions. And yet, nothing was happening. And yet, Ai-san did nothing. And instead of feeling relief, Hikaru was…

React. Do something.

Look at me.

I am here.

…

Hikaru got to the store early enough, that he only had to wait for a few minutes. He ordered something to drink, got a table looking at the entrance of the establishment, and watched a video. He had checked what to watch beforehand, while looking for things to do. Someone explaining equations would deter most people from asking further about Hikaru's chosen career. It was one of those things that most people would shy away from, as math was super reliant on having good teachers imparting solid foundations on students. And asking questions. Which, for some reason, must people simply did not do.

They only asked questions that either did not matter, or brought Hikaru trouble… Or unwanted memories.

The pink head appeared about ten minutes later than usual, rushing in and getting to the queue without looking around. She had her phone on hand, and wore the same uniform as Hikaru had seen her wear every single time.

Yui, right? Yui-san. What wouldn't be strange to ask? Ah, but he needed to get her attention. And Hikaru couldn't simply call her out.

Or could he?

Again, the relief of seeing things go relatively smoothly was seized. Shaped into something useful, presentable. With a small smile, he waved at her when her attention was in his general direction. Getting a cute small wave back while she waited to get her order, and motioned to the other seat on the table when she was done ordering.

Okay, good. Now what? What was the next step? He didn't have much time. Their conversation would be short-lived, because she usually just ordered, got the food, and left. Only that one time with the other girl did she eat there… Which was probably as good a conversation starter as any.

"Hey." He greeted her when she dragged the chair and let herself fall onto it with a relieved sigh. "Tough morning?"

"Kinda, yeah. Lots of physical labor today." Yui-san fanned her face with both hands, but made no attempt to undo even the first button of her shirt or roll up the sleeves.

"In this heat? Damn." Hikaru made a face, looking away when the girl attempted to stretch her arms up. Only to stop herself mid-motion. "At least we have cold drinks and AC here."

He saw her go ahead with it once she had taken a look at Hikaru, like she'd thought better of it. But finding him looking elsewhere seemed to convince her to let her back pop.

Unsurprising. Was she self-conscious or did this particular tidbit come from personal experience? It felt like something Hikaru himself would have to be mindful of, at least.

Ai-san would've worried about standing out too much, but because people could recognize her. Hikaru… Because the stares made him want to run to the shower and scrub himself until it hurt, sometimes.

"Mmmm, yeah…" Her sigh told him that he could stop looking at the reception and go back to staring at her. She looked a little less tired now, too. A good stretch. "It wasn't so bad. We have AC in the office too. It's just… I don't exercise like I should! Hehe…"

"Small mercies." Hikaru commented, thinking about the topic he wanted to prove today. "And you'll be able to eat on time today too, so hey. Not so bad."

"Eh?" Yui-san looked confused. It seemed like she wasn't thinking about the other girl at all.

"Ah, I thought you ordered takeout the other day because of your friend…"

"Ah!" Yui-san covered her face, quickly becoming so red that she almost looked the same color as her hair. "Was that so obvious?"

"I mean, I never see you try to eat here." Hikaru made a point of frowning. "So it was curious to begin with."

"I don't eat the food here, it's for the girls… Other people." Yui-san let herself rest on the table, hiding her face. "That was an exception."

"Ah, so you don't eat outside."

"Nah, too much wasted money." She sounded pained while saying that. And, given the seemingly low position she had, she probably was struggling with money. It made sense, then, why she'd usually look either absent-minded or tired.

She had other problems to deal with.

…

Excellent.

"Well, sorry for deserving a treat very often." Hikaru shook his head with a scoff, taking a sip from his drink to get the point across.

"No, no! Like, do whatever you want with your money. I can't do it." Yui-san laughed nervously, getting her chin on the table when her face returned to a more normal color. "And, hey, this place must be really good. Because I have to come here almost every day."

"You're the girl in charge of getting everyone lunch?"

"Not everyone, but I mostly help wherever I'm needed: Moving boxes, listening and organizing the info of people making choices, notifying people about changes in schedule and writing said changes down to upload…" Yui-san was slowly losing the point of the conversation, but Hikaru let it play out. He was, after all, mainly seen as someone affable. Who listened.

And listening, indeed, was a powerful tool to blend in with people.

"Sounds rough."

"It is, kinda. The boss wants to go so fast… Doing things all the time, trying to plan ahead and other things that I'm sure I couldn't explain." Yui-san sighed, sitting back properly and moving her elbows in a way that helped stretch her shoulders. "We mainly make all those things possible, keep the machine running. So to speak."

"Doing the heavy lifting… Only this time, it was literal."

"Yeah! Basically." Yui-san blinked a couple of times, then seemingly became spooked. "Ah!"

Hikaru couldn't help the momentary panic, the twitch of his hands when he didn't immediately recognize the source for her reaction.

"Sorry! It's probably boring to just hear me ramble about this stuff."

Ah… Phew! Okay, that was… Scary.

"No worries, you probably have it rougher than me." Hikaru had played out that sentence several times over the course of his life. By this point, it didn't hurt to say it. He was able to make it as convincing as everything else. Make people think that he truly believed it. "I've found that talking about these things can help people relax."

Or so had Fuyuko-san said several times. How rambling about her powers helped her, in the end. Hikaru wouldn't know. He did remember feeling relief when he confessed his problems to Ai-san; but in retrospect…

Perhaps a closed heart, although constantly suffering, was more easily kept alive. By the same pain, maybe. But still beating, still holding on.

"You still didn't come to hear about my problems! I don't wanna be the girl that doesn't have her life together, here." Yui-san made her fingertips touch, looking less embarrassed than before. But still getting back some pink on her cheeks.

"Eh, it's small talk. It doesn't hurt anybody." Hikaru shrugged, still keeping the same expression as he had when he greeted her. "Now, if you were talking shit about your boss… Well, I've still heard that letting out a bit of venom is healthy once in a while."

"Maybe. But, ummm… I don't really have much to complain about." Her smile was small, but it still filled her whole face with a different vibe than before. More at peace, even though she looked kind of tired. "It's… Good. Better than before."

Hikaru didn't have an answer ready for that. At present, he had nothing to extrapolate with. Nothing that could convey "better" in a meaningful way.

"That's great, isn't it?" So a leading question would have to do. "Worth an iced coffee, once in a while."

"Eh… Maybe! But I'd rather save up, y'know."

"Can't argue against financial responsibility." Hikaru relented, seeing the girl look away toward the kitchen.

Was his time up already? Did he get what he needed? Was this close enough for the few minutes afforded to him?

The trick to slipping into people's good grace was being persistent but not overbearing. Friendly, bordering on subservient, but to tweak the reactions to certain key elements to trick people into coming to their own conclusions, getting them to trace the limits on the sand. Instead of having to do it and have them be reactive to it.

The same result could be interpreted differently simply by tricking people into thinking they had come to that conclusion, instead of being told to do it. So they would take these things for granted, instead of fighting them.

A pleased mind was, after all, more likely to extend a helping hand and show "kindness" instead of "selfishness".

"Maybe I'll try something out, later." Yui-san placed her arms on the table, elbow out and hands dropping on the edge. Like she wanted to cross them but didn't. "The pay is good, and maybe it's time to stop with the cold food made the night before to be on time."

Hikaru also didn't have an available answer for that.

He took his drink and reached out to her.

"Wanna try it?" Hikaru tilted his head. "Get an idea of what this place is about."

"Eh? Are you sure?" Yui-san looked surprised, but not really against the idea.

"Yeah. It's super sweet, though."

Yui-san took the glass and tried to dissimulate that she smelled it first. Before taking a sip.

"It's coffee!" She looked very pleased, and took a bigger swing from it.

"Some people prefer it bitter, but… I don't know. If you wanna drink something without sugar, milk, or anything else, just drink water."

"Ahahaha! It's like…" Yui-san looked away, a more energetic smile on her face. She looked back at Hikaru, snapping her fingers when the idea she was looking for finally popped in her mind. "It's like, 'life is sour enough. So coffee, at least, should be sweet'. Right?"

Hikaru made a point of looking like he was pondering her words.

"Truly a wise saying. Yeah." He caressed his chin, although pretending to wonder about it further might look weird. So he made his tone a more joking one. "Incredible, have you perhaps found enlightenment in here? I should come more often."

"Ehehehehe…" Yui-san scratched the back of her head, a bit embarrassed again. "I borrowed it from a friend."

Really now? His stressed mind might be playing tricks on Hikaru, but perhaps…

Him?

Hikaru's smile grew just a tiny bit more, held back when he noticed that it would break what was acceptable in a normal conversation.

"Awww, and here I thought you'd get philosophical with me here." Hikaru placed his elbow on the table and held his cheek with that hand, changing his body language to a more relaxed one. "Or are you making fun of your friend?"

"No, no, no!" Yui-san saved Hikaru's words off. She was more reactive than Hikaru thought. Was it because she was less stressed out? "That's just a them thing. I'm just…! Y'know, I don't really get that sort of stuff."

"Well, the relationship between coffee and the way we see the world might indeed be too heavy a topic for a first meeting." Hikaru dropped his arm, looking away to where Yui-san's gaze had lingered before. One of the waiters was getting close. "Maybe tell me about the morality of croissants another day? Your order is here."

"Oh, jeez! Now you're making fun of me!"

The waiter mumbled something and placed the boxed food on the table, giving a stray stare at Hikaru before retreating before Yui-san could even thank him for it.

The staff had usually treated her exceedingly well before. Had Hikaru's presence changed that?

He messed up when he did things… And messed up when he didn't. What the hell?

"Uuummm…" The pink-haired girl seemed to notice the mood drop. Although she had reacted easily to the topics, she was still very aware of her surroundings, huh.

"What? This isn't what you ordered?" So Hikaru changed the topic again, reaching out to the food. Or pretending to.

"No, no! At least I don't think so." She pulled it toward her and opened the box, checking the contents. "Nope! This is it."

"Got the goods, boss." Hikaru made his voice deeper. "Going to the meeting point in ten. Over."

"It's the 'good stuff'. Although I don't know why this one smells weird…"

"It what now?"

"I mean, it always smells weird. I think it's the sauce, I dunno how people can eat it." Yui-san hurried to elaborate.

"Ah…" Hikaru pressed his lips together, making a point of sniffing the air. "…I'm not hungry anymore."

"Y-Yeah…" Yui-san looked away, nervous. "I… Should probably get going."

Already? Well, right. These things took time. He'd have to ruminate of what he learned today.

"See you next time."