Haikyu!
Higher
Chapter 31: Emotions

"It's only halfway through the second day of training, Tetsu," Aika grumbled as she wrapped a bandage around her friend's right shoulder, unflinching as her fingers brushed against his skin. "How did you already manage to hurt your shoulder like this?"

Kuroo winced as she pulled the bandage tighter. "Not sure, honestly. I think fell on it, but it didn't start hurting until after the game," he admitted, rolling his wrist, as if he was ensuring that it wasn't also injured.

Sighing, she gently finished wrapping him up. "You're lucky that I at least know how to bandage things up. There's no school nurse here to fix you if you get hurt." She leaned forward, looking curiously up at the rooster-head. "Something wrong? You look tired."

There were light shadows under the Nekoma captain's eyes, his entire posture slouched as he sat on the cot next to Aika, her hands massaging his injured shoulder. "Just something you mentioned earlier. It's kind of been bothering me." He turned to her, his eyes glittering with a mischievous curiosity. "Are you sure you don't like Kageyama? You were bright red when you were talking to him earlier today."

For a moment, Aika froze. She let her hand fall from the bandage, resting on her lap as she silently stared at them. Kuroo watched her in concern, unsure of whether or not his words had hurt her feelings somehow. He could see her hands shaking a little. Frowning, he looked up to where she was red-faced, biting her lip in hesitation.

"I won't be mad if you do like someone. You've never shown any interest in anyone before… so I'm just a little surprised. But if you like this guy, I'll support you." Reaching up with his uninjured arm, he rested a hand on her head, running his fingers through her short hair. As she looked up at him, he grinned his Cheshire smile. "I'll only be mad if this guy you like doesn't treat you like the Princess you are."

Through her read face, she laughed a little. "Yeah…" Trailing off, she looked at the door to the Nurse's Office, hesitating for a moment. "There is a guy I like. He's always nice to me, and he's helped me out a lot. We don't talk as much as we did when I was at Karasuno, but I… I was really happy to see him today."

Kuroo frowned. "And you're not saying that it's not Kageyama?" he asked, prodding her for a name.

She shook her head aggressively, her short hair flying around her face. "N-no! It's not Kageyama." She bit her lip again. "I like Sugawara senpai," she finally choked out, managing to admit the name to Kuroo.

"Really? That vice-captain of yours?" To say that the Nekoma captain was surprised was an understatement. He wasn't really expecting to hear that Aika liked Sugawara. "What's so great about him?"

Flushing, Aika paused. "He's always patient, and he listens to everyone. He's kind and trustworthy, and all of the boys look up to him. He's like a mom, and I really love spending time with him."

There was a pause, in which Kuroo sighed. "If you like him that much, then why don't you tell him? It's not like you to hold back when there's something you want." He looked to Aika, who was now stretching out her leg as she reached for her bag.

She hummed in response as she pulled several different notebooks and a pen out of her bag, flipping one of the notebooks open lazily. "It's not that I'm holding back… it's more like, I'm unsure. Suga senpai is graduating in less than a year," she admitted, leafing through the notebook pages.

"So?"

She looked at Kuroo in exasperation, letting her hand rest on her notebook. "He's probably smart enough to go to some big school in Tokyo, or even go overseas if he wanted. But he's also the type of person to stay close to home if something kept him. I don't want to be what keeps him from his future." She shook her head, returning to her book.

Kuroo watched her in both amusement and sadness. "I guess that makes more sense, knowing you. I wish you didn't always put others first," he murmured.

"I don't. I'm selfish," she replied easily, a self-deprecating smile tugging at her lips. "I dumped all of my hopes on Shoyo, and I promised him I'd help him reach the top, but when he showed signs of maturing without me, I got scared. I ran away at first, because I didn't want to get hurt. But I came back because I missed it too much – volleyball, I mean. And I stayed because I found people I could trust."

Still watching his younger friend, he shook his head. "But you gave Hinata hope that he could become the best. You gave him a push, then you came back when he needed you, and you dedicated yourself to helping Karasuno become better than they already were. I'm sure that they're all grateful for your so-called selfish decision to stay." He paused. "I'm also glad that you stayed with them. I was able to see you again," he muttered.

Aika, eyes wide, glanced at him. "Tetsu…" she muttered. His only reply was to smile gently at her, reaching out to ruffle her hair.

"Don't worry, Ai. Even if you don't think that you deserve it, I don't think anyone would blame you for loving someone. How can they? You can't stop liking someone. That's not how it works."

All she could do was stare up at him, wondering just when her friend, childish by nature, had become so mature. She couldn't help it as she asked, "Did you love someone?" only to pale as Kuroo sighed wistfully, looking towards the door.

"Yeah," he finally replied. "There's someone I love. But I'm not sure I'll ever tell 'em. I'm sure I'd get rejected." He laughed sadly, his eyes glittering with something akin to defeat.

"Hypocrite." His eyes moved back to Aika, who was glaring at him. She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, looking disappointed for some reason. "You can't tell me to be selfish for once if you're not going to do it, either. No one can blame you for loving someone, right?"

For a second, Kuroo was silent. Then, he couldn't help but laugh, life returning to his dark, mischievous eyes as they twinkled with mirth. He grinned his lopsided grin, the one that always made him look like he was up to something, even if he wasn't. His smile – his real smile, the one he only showed to those he truly cared about – just looked like that.

"You're right."

As Kuroo stepped out of the nurse's office, rolling his injured shoulder gently, he saw a figure who was leaning against the wall next to the office doors. Shin looked up from where he was standing, not uncrossing his arms, a solemn frown on his face.

Kuroo's eyes widened as he faced Shin, but he quickly hid his surprise with a laugh. "You heard?" he asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

Nodding wordlessly, Shin shuffled his feet. Gears were turning in his head, his mouth opening and closing as he attempted to find words. He looked like a fish as he avoided Kuroo's gaze, instead staring at the floor, like the tiles were the most interesting things in the world. His shoulders were practically raised to his ears in tension.

"It's like she grew up right in front of you, isn't it?" the captain asked jokingly. "It seems like yesterday that all she wanted was to be a setter, but now she's all grown up. She likes boys and everything now."

"Tetsuro—"

Kuroo quickly interrupted Shin. "I mean, I was even sure that it was that Kageyama kid she had a thing for. I didn't expect her to fall for someone as old as her older brother," he babbled, words tumbling from his lips before he could stop himself.

"Tetsuro, let me—"

"I don't know how you do it, man. It's been something like eight years, but that feeling doesn't go away, does it?"

"Tetsuro!"

Freezing mid sentence, Kuroo stared at Shin, who was biting his lip. His hands, which he'd been waving wildly as he practically yelled at his friend, fell limply to his side. His legs shook, his feet ready to bolt within seconds.

Shin looked up at him for the first time. "I heard everything."

Panic settled into Kuroo's stomach. He quickly flipped open his phone in his pocket, forcing it to buzz, as if he was getting a text message. Closing it, he pulled it out and flipped it open, making a surprised face as he did. "Sorry, Shin, can we have this conversation another time? I'm needed for… captain things." He didn't wait for an answer as he shoved his phone back in his pocket, his feet already carrying him past the burgundy-haired male.

"Tetsuro, wait."

Kuroo didn't wait. "You're here all summer, right? We'll catch up sooner or later," he promised, although he had no intention of keeping his word.

All he wanted was to get away from Shin as soon as possible. Seeing his face was too painful, even for Kuroo, who was used to tormenting and provoking other people.

Sorry, Shin. I just don't want to hear it… I don't think I could take it.

"If you like him that much, then why don't you tell him?"

Aika shook her head as she pushed her wheelchair down the hallway. She sighed as she rolled to a stop, her hands hovering over the wheels as she hung her head, her hair falling in her face. Staring down at her lap, finding her sweatpants much more interesting than she should have, she couldn't help but feeling the well of emotions in her heart overflowing, spilling out to show on her face.

"Aika." She looked up, her hair flying as she flushed red, the familiar voice causing her heart to leap. Sugawara smiled down at her, resting a hand on one of the handles of her wheelchair. "What are you doing in the middle of the hall?"

Hesitant, she looked down again, trying to force the red to recede. "I was just… thinking," she admitted slowly, her words hesitant.

"Is it about Hinata and Kageyama?" Sugawara, genuinely curious, peered down at her. He could see her hands curling into fists, and he frowned, knowing how negatively the two fighting could truly affect her, having been the one to help bring them closer together.

She shook her head, her hair swinging around her face. "It's not that… I know they'll be fine. They just have to grow a little more. I… I can't baby them forever. I have to start growing up, too," she muttered, clenching her fists even tighter. As she looked up at Sugawara, she could feel a sudden burst of courage rise in her chest. "Suga senpai, I—"

"Ah, Tsukishima!" he suddenly called out, something akin to relief in his voice.

As soon as he cut her off, any courage that she'd managed to muster had been smothered, flattened until it was too small to remain in existence.

Her hands began to shake as the blond middle blocker casually strolled up to the two. "Will you bring Aika to the courts? I need to find Daichi. We've only got two matches until we leave." Aika's eyes widened in realization.

That's right… the weekend's over. They're going home today… and I won't be going with them.

Tsukishima nodded to Sugawara, who slowly moved away, not glancing back at Aika, even though she watched as he left. She could feel a pang in her chest as he turned the corner, berating herself for her cowardice.

"You like him, don't you?" droned Tsukishima, his voice low and soft. It managed to keep its sharp edge, but his tone was much gentler than he had ever been towards her before. "I can see it in your eyes. You don't hide it as well as you think you do."

Aika's entire body shook, biting her lip to bite back the retort that was trying to escape. "So what?" she demanded, glaring back at him.

The middle blocker said nothing. He simply began pushing Aika's wheelchair towards the gym. Surprised by his lack of insults, she stared at him. There was no easy way to read Tsukishima, which was something she'd learned quickly in working with him.

But there was something different about his eyes this time.

She couldn't quite tell what it was as she looked away, but it was something different.

As they neared the gym doors, Tsukishima slowed, the wheels quietly halting as he stopped walking. She once again looked towards the tall blond, seeing something that looked like sympathy in his eyes. Moving around her wheelchair, he stood right in front of her, blocking her view of the gym doors. He stared down at her, his golden eyes meeting her dark brown ones, surprising her with the depth he showed.

"You can be sad," he finally said. "It's okay to be upset when your confession doesn't go as planned."

It was like his words triggered a floodgate in Aika.

Slowly but surely, tears began to stream down her face. "W-wha…" she managed, wiping them away desperately with the sleeves of her Karasuno jacket.

"It's okay."

At that, she allowed herself a hiccup, the tears coming faster.

Tsukishima watched silently as the girl in the wheelchair began to sob silently, her shoulders shaking. He didn't move a muscle, continuing to stand right in front of her, blocking her from the view of anyone who may have emerged from the gym.

For some reason, that tiny action was oddly comforting to her.

As soon as Sugawara turned the corner, fleeing from where he'd left Tsukishima to take Aika towards the gym, he pressed himself against the wall. He sighed heavily, letting his head fall as he pressed a hand to his chest. He could feel his pulse beginning to slow as he leaned against the hallway wall, taking deep, slow breaths.

"Suga."

He looked up to see Daichi standing in front of him, a frown on his face. The captain, who was usually quite relaxed around Suga, looked rather stern. He almost looked disappointed, if Suga had to identify the emotion across his face.

Plastering a smile on his face, Sugawara asked, "What's up?"

Daichi's frown only grew deeper as he took in the smile that Sugawara was clearly faking. "You knew exactly what she was about to say back there, right? Why didn't you let her finish?" he demanded, crossing his arms with a stern glare.

For a moment, Sugawara looked shocked. Then, he hung his head again, his silver hair obscuring his face, hiding his eyes as his vision began to blur. "I knew." His voice was low, but Daichi could make it out. "You saw it too, right, Daichi? The way Kageyama looks at her?" His tone suddenly shook as he grasped the fabric over his chest.

"What does Kageyama have to do with you and Aika?"

"Everything." He smiled sadly at his friend, fighting back his own emotions. "He looks at her like she's the only person in the world. And she looks right back at him, like she knows exactly who he is. Even if she thinks that she has feelings for me, I can see otherwise. But Aika… either she can't or she just doesn't want to."

"And?" Daichi retorted.

Sugawara shook his head, his smile turning bitter. "They're slow, but both of them will realize it soon enough. Sometimes, the person you like first isn't the person you're meant to be with. No matter how much you want them to be."

First things first: Yes, I did decide to make Kuroo gay.
I honestly do love certain Haikyu! pairings, and Kuroo being gay always struck me as right.
I also modeled Kuroo after one of my best friends, who has always been there for me, so I'm very excited to see where this goes.

As for Sugawara and Aika, there have been very large hints, but again, they are not the endgame pairing.
This is a Kageyama/Aika story. Kageyama and Aika will end up together. Even if it's not clear how just yet.

I hope that this chapter isn't weird for everyone. I know that in most fanfiction, it's one pairing and one pairing alone.
But the thing is, love doesn't work like that. I wanted to make this as real as possible, which meant real emotions grounded in real situations.
Very rarely does anyone end up with the first person they fall in love with. So, I think that it's a good stepping stone for a lot of the characters.

Which brings me to my final point. Aika's emotions. I didn't want to have to defend her, but I got a message a while back about her earlier behavior.
This reviewer believed that Aika was not justified in being angry at Azumane for quitting while he was still physically well.
And that's the thing: she's not. She's very wrong in a lot of emotional situations. She butts in at bad times and pushes her feelings onto others.
She holds her bitterness in and lashes out at others with it. That isn't healthy and isn't justified.
But she's learning to let go of her anger and bitterness, and she understands now that being angry at others is stupid and childish.
I hope that you all come to understand where she's coming from.

Thanks,

Chiyuki.