Haikyu!
Higher
Chapter 34: Selfishness
The tension between Karasuno was palpable.
Of course, Hinata and Kageyama, the almost-inseparable duo, were the two whose tension was the thickest and most noticeable. They refused to practice together after they'd returned from Tokyo, and thus, they barely even spoke.
Practice then became silent as Hinata retreated to do practice on his own, and Kageyama spent more time doing solo practice than working with the team. The two had isolated themselves, not just from each other, but from everyone else, and it bothered the Karasuno boys more than they cared to admit.
But there was tension between Sugawara and two other members of the team, two that no one would have expected there to be problems between. Although Sugawara didn't treat anyone differently, there were people who seemed to be bothered by him for some reason. It was just that no one on Karasuno knew why.
Tsukishima had frowned whenever Sugawara wasn't looking, constantly looking like he wanted to say something to his upperclassman, but just didn't know how to say it. So instead, he said nothing, choosing to just send what seemed like disapproving looks at the back of his silver-haired head.
The other was less noticeable, but just as tense.
Sawamura had been much more formal around his vice captain since the weekend training camp. They still were around each other just as much as ever, but there was this underlying rift between the two, caused by some unknown event.
It wasn't like the captain was cold. He was just rather distant.
"I still think you're being selfish," he murmured to Sugawara, seeing the other boy looking at his phone as they walked home from practice together. "You didn't even talk to her about it. You just shut her out."
Sighing, Sugawara shut his phone, exiting out of a draft to the subject of their conversation. "Daichi, you know why I did what I did. And it's not like I can take it back," he muttered.
"No, but you can fix it." Sawamura crossed his arms, that similar look of disapproval making itself present on his face.
Sugawara's smile was dry, almost defeated. "It's not like it'll change anything. She probably doesn't have feelings left for me after that." He laughed a self-deprecating laugh, one that was unfamiliar to Sugawara.
Glancing at his friend's face, Sawamura studied him. He knew Sugawara better than he knew most other people, so the other boy was easy enough to read. Behind the guilt and the sadness that came with rejecting Aika's advances, there was something that Sawamura could only read as uncertainty and hesitation.
"What are you so afraid of?"
Sugawara froze for a moment, looking at Sawamura in what was akin to shock. The two boys stopped walking, facing each other as they stood in the dark town.
"Suga. What about Aika is so scary to you?"
He hesitated, kicking his feet against the concrete sidewalk. Sawamura waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts, arms crossed and a stern frown on his face.
"I'm not afraid of Aika," he finally admitted. "It's not like I'm scared of being rejected or dumped or anything like that."
Sawamura's frown deepened. "Then what is it?"
Shrugging, the silver-haired setter managed a weak smile. "I think what I'm most afraid of is taking away her options. Maybe she does like me now, but that could change. It will, I know it. And I don't want her to feel like she has to choose me just because she saw me first."
"You're talking about her and Kageyama," Sawamura guessed, his tone completely deadpan and unimpressed by his friend's reasoning.
Sugawara simply nodded.
"He doesn't seem to realize his feelings just yet. And she doesn't seem to like him as anything more than a teammate and friend. You still have a chance, you know."
"No." Sugawara shook his head, resuming their walk home. Sawamura stared at his friend's back, seeing the tension in his shoulders. "I'm sure seeing her fall apart in front of him made him realize something." He looked back at Sawamura, wearing his best Sugawara smile. "Everything's going to change now."
Sawamura didn't know how to reply to that.
Kageyama had a whole host of problems thanks to the weekend training camp, ones that he had practically no idea of how to deal with.
He didn't really know how to deal with his confidence being rocked by Hinata's sudden need to grow enough to stand on his own. Before, when his former team had lost confidence in him, he'd turned his back on them in return and found Hinata in order to prove his growth to them.
But there wasn't really anyone he could replace Hinata with. There was no one with the same jumping power and natural instinct that worked so well with his setting ability.
His response this time had to be different.
Seemingly in an unconscious effort to find someone who would help him find his own answer, his feet carried him towards a recreational club, one where children learned the basics of volleyball, including teamwork.
At that club, he found none other than Toru Oikawa.
Even though it took a lot of begging and an uncharacteristic amount of bowing to the one person he didn't want to bow to if he could help it, Oikawa had given him a good answer, a good place to start learning to change himself and be a better leader for the team.
"Hinata wants to learn to hit our quick on his own, without closing his eyes anymore," he admitted grudgingly, hating that he had to rely on someone who he'd deemed his rival for advice to help him.
Humming, the older setter replied, "That'd be impressive if he managed it. Why not let him try?"
"It's not as easy as you make it sound! He has no idea the technique needed to spike on his own!"
The smile on Oikawa's face was dry and almost disappointed, like he'd known that Kageyama would respond in that way. "So you just told him, what, 'do as I say?' You know, you sound like a dictator." Even as Kageyama stared, taken aback by him, he continued, "Did you even think about what kind of toss the shrimp wants? Have you even tried?"
Kageyama would never admit it, but that hadn't even crossed his mind.
"If you think that the situation doesn't need improvement and you get defensive about it, you're just running away from the issue. You need to know that the leader in a team attack isn't the setter, but the spiker. It's not you, Tobio. It's that shrimp of yours."
Hinata? But how? Really?
"If you can't get that through your thick head, you're a step closer to becoming the King of the Court again."
The encounter with Oikawa replayed in his mind through the rest of the day, like reruns of a bad movie, haunting him until he had the entire conversation memorized back to front. He continued to think about it as he returned to Karasuno, returned to the gym, pondering exactly what Oikawa meant when he said that Hinata controlled the attack. It just didn't make a lot of sense.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, he opened his contacts, stopping on the name Aika Yamada in bold characters. He stared at it blankly, wondering if asking her for help would be the right idea, or if she'd be just as lost as he was. He doubted it, but he didn't know how he could even begin a conversation, let alone hold one properly.
After all, he'd just begun to realize his feelings for the girl, and he hadn't spoken to her since they'd left Tokyo. Suddenly speaking to her, contacting her out of the blue, and for something so strange seemed like it wouldn't really go over well.
He didn't want to blame his nerves, but he blamed his nerves.
The other person he could ask was Sugawara, who, as an upperclassmen, probably knew what to do. But then, he remembered that Sugawara had sided with him during the first argument between him and Hinata, back in Tokyo, and he figured that maybe the other setter didn't really know how to fix this, either.
His phone buzzed suddenly, interrupting his thought process.
Call from: Coach
Hinata laid in bed, his phone above his face, illuminating his features in the darkness as he typed a message to Aika, continuing to keep her updated on how he was doing after the weekend training camp.
To: Princess Aika
From: Shoyo the Giant
I'm working with Coach Ukai!
Like… the other Ukai!
The older one! The legend!
He's teaching me about tempos and stuff,
and it's all really interesting!
Almost immediately, he got a response.
To: Shoyo the Giant
From: Princess Aika
Coach's grandfather?
The former coach?
That's real impressive, Shoyo…
be sure to learn lots.
Tempo is going to help you.
Is Kageyama there, too?
Frowning, he bit his lip. He'd specifically left Aika out of the loop concerning the fight he'd had with Kageyama the day they'd returned from Tokyo. He knew she'd be concerned, and he knew she'd be disappointed. In order to avoid eliciting those reactions from her, he'd decided to keep it from her.
But maybe hiding that important piece of information, one that had steered the course of his growth over the past few days and would continue to do so, even if he managed to salvage his partnership with Kageyama, wasn't such a good idea.
Aika was smart, certainly smarter than he was. If she'd known a few days prior, she'd definitely have helped him. Maybe he'd be able to work on tempo with Kageyama. But since he hadn't, she didn't know.
She deserved to know, especially when it concerned the partnership she treasured so much.
To: Princess Aika
From: Shoyo the Giant
No… We got in a fight.
I want to stop closing my eyes,
and he doesn't want me to.
I don't even know if we're…
going to be partners after this…
What do you think?
To: Shoyo the Giant
From: Princess Aika
I think you're both stupid.
But I think this is necessary.
Everyone else is growing,
so you make sure to learn, too.
Prove everyone here wrong.
Show us that Karasuno spirit.
A wave of relief crashed over Hinata at her reply, sensing only disappointment, but not anger. Even though she didn't necessarily approve of the way it'd come around, she certainly knew that it was probably the best course of action.
Hearing that from her boosted Hinata's confidence in what he was doing.
To: Princess Aika
From: Shoyo the Giant
So… you're not mad?
To: Shoyo the Giant
From: Princess Aika
I never said that.
It just wouldn't be useful
to get mad at you now.
But I'll have a talk with
both you and Kageyama
the next time I see you.
To: Shoyo the Giant
From: Princess Aika
For now, your punishment
for fighting is to grow lots.
Practice so hard that you're
not the same Shoyo as
I saw the last time you were here.
Prove them all wrong.
Hinata couldn't help but smile at the last message from his best friend, the one who was miles away, but still cared as much as if she was right next to him. Falling back on his bed, he lifted his phone, reading the message once more.
It was harsh, but it was encouragement for Hinata, in a way that only Aika ever encouraged him.
Taking a deep breath, he felt determination light up his entire body.
Kageyama's phone buzzed as he watched more videos on his computer about tempo. He ignored it, thinking it was probably just a reminder about practice, and turned back to his laptop screen.
It buzzed again, causing him to look at it once more, and then one final time.
Curiously, he picked it up and flipped it open, only to find three new messages.
To: Tobio Kageyama
From: Aika Yamada
Shoyo told me you guys
got into a fight? Idiots.
I'm going to have a talk
with both of you when
you come back.
To: Tobio Kageyama
From: Aika Yamada
I also talked to Yachi,
and she told me you're
learning to perform a
toss that stops in mid-air.
My advice to you is to
find a happy medium
between the height of
your toss and the spin
of the ball. Got it?
You don't really need
my advice though.
You'll figure it out.
After all, you are a genius.
To: Tobio Kageyama
From: Aika Yamada
Both of you had better
work hard until you get here.
I'll be waiting to see the new
Kageyama-Hinata duo.
For a moment, he could only stare at his phone, both surprised and not by the supportive message from Aika. He should've known that she would figure out what had happened between the duo, especially given her relationships with several members of the team, including Hinata and Sugawara.
Blushing, he used both hands to awkwardly type back, still somewhat unused to having someone to send text messages to.
To: Aika Yamada
From: Tobio Kageyama
I won't let you down.
Wait for me, and I'll show you
that we're going to keep
getting even better from here.
From her place in Tokyo, Aika couldn't help but smile at the message from the black-haired setter. Placing her phone back on her desk, she returned to her notebook, where several new pages were filled with techniques for Karasuno to try.
Tsukishima eyed the King as he practiced some new type of set, as he tossed the balls that were thrown to him by the new team manager. He frowned, wiping his forehead with his towel, never taking his eyes off the black-haired boy.
He remembered the look on the King's face when their assistant coach, the girl who so clearly cared for the King and the shrimp, fell apart in front of the entire gymnasium. He remembered seeing a mixture of emotions he never thought he'd see on the setter's face, all of them clashing in a way that painted a clear picture of his true feelings for the girl.
The King had romantic interest in the girl - in Aika - which meant that his emotions when he was witnessing her breakdown were all out of affection.
His worry was for her tears that were being shed over another man. His hesitation was over whether or not she needed him to comfort her. His sadness was in response to hers, like he felt it as deeply as she did.
But the King - Kageyama - had no idea why she was crying so hard.
He still didn't, even days after Karasuno had departed Tokyo.
"That's it, guys!" the coach called, effectively ending Tsukishima's thought process. "We have to lock up for the day, so everyone get ready to go home! We can't have anyone here for much longer."
"Thank you very much!"
Tsukishima watched as the rest of the team filed out, some chatting away, while others were silent as they thought about what they'd practiced that day. He pushed himself off the wall as Kageyama passed him, making a quick decision, one that he hoped that he wouldn't regret.
"Hey. Your Majesty."
Irritated by how the taller boy was addressing him, Kageyama turned around from his rapid-fire questioning of the overwhelmed ace with a wicked glare. "What is it," he demanded shortly.
Sighing, Tsukishima gestured for Kageyama to follow him. "I have to talk to you. In private."
"About?"
He rolled his eyes, irritation bubbling up. "It's something that you need to know. Just you, though." He tried to convey what it was about through his eyes, although he wasn't quite sure that Kageyama understood.
"Fine. Make it quick," Kageyama relented.
The two boys, after saying goodbye to Azumane, walked around to the side of the gym. Tsukishima stopped, looking to Kageyama with an almost uncharacteristic amount of seriousness.
"You want to know what made her cry, don't you?" he asked simply, crossing his arms.
Kageyama's eyes widened as he nodded. "Aika? You know?"
"Of course I do, dumbass. I was there when it happened." Uncrossing his arms, Tsukishima looked away from the King, not wanting to see his reaction to when he spelled it out. "This was probably the first time she had feelings for someone. She doesn't seem like the type of person who puts herself out there too much. But she did. And she got rejected."
He heard a soft noise from Kageyama, one of shock and anger. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the look on the setter's face, the horrified look that came with the understanding of heartbreak.
"So… why are you telling me this?"
Tsukishima frowned, looking back to Kageyama. "Because you like her. It's real obvious when you look for even a second. It's best that you know so you can figure out what to do."
For a moment, Kageyama said nothing, looking lost and confused. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, like he was searching for the right thing to say. Finally, he settled on, "What do you think I should do?" He was quiet, so quiet that Tsukishima barely heard him.
Although the sudden change in the setter's demeanor shook Tsukishima a bit, he shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm not you. I don't know what you would do. Figure that out yourself."