Haikyu!
Higher
Chapter 38: Repair

"You know, you don't have to hate volleyball."

The next day was filled with nothing but losses for Karasuno, one game after another, as they tried to piece together the puzzle that they were currently. Sprints had become a regular event for them after each game, unable to take many points off their opponents, no matter who they were.

Things were lively as everyone worked hard to keep their heads up and improve the skills they'd desired to learn in the first place.

Their reward was watermelon that the Shinzen parents had bought for the athletes.

"Kageyama, slow down," Aika laughed as the setter practically devoured his slice. "The melon isn't going anywhere fast. You can take your time with eating it, you know."

He glanced at her, his cheeks puffy with watermelon. Quickly swallowing his food, he glanced at her half-eaten slice. "I don't think I eat fast," he replied softly. "You're just slow." Pouting at him, the girl took an extra large bite of her slice, like she was trying to prove a point. Almost immediately, though, she began coughing, choking on her slice. "And you told me to slow down!"

He panicked, rubbing her back as she struggled to swallow the melon she'd eaten, a bite that was much too big for her. She managed, but she still coughed afterwards, fanning herself like that would help her. "That was a mistake. I'm never doing that again," she managed through her coughs.

"I told you that you're a slow eater, but I never said it was a bad thing." He continued to rub her back with one hand as he took another bite of his watermelon - a smaller one this time.

She clearly noticed this, as she took a bite that was about the same size.

He couldn't help the smile at her antics.

"If I hated volleyball, I wouldn't be playing it."

The day ended with another loss for the Karasuno boys, and they had to run even more sprints before the sun set.

As Tsukishima and Yamaguchi approached the doorway, having finished their sprints, two water bottles were practically thrust into their faces. Both looked up to see the smiling face of the gentle giant of Karasuno.

"Ah, thank you, Azumane senpai," Yamaguchi said, smiling in relief as he took the water bottle from the third year. Tsukishima was silent as he took his.

The trio moved away from the doorway as the rest of the team filed in, leaning against the wall. "Yamaguchi, you're getting a lot better at those serves of yours," Asahi congratulated, his tone proud as he looked at his underclassmen. "I have to improve, too."

"Azumane." Both turned to Tsukishima. "Doesn't it bother you? Feeling like someone's creeping up behind you?" he asked, focusing on his water bottle instead of on Asahi.

Asahi laughed lightly, looking a bit stressed at the idea, but still calm. "I can't say that I'm not exactly unbothered by it," he admitted. Tsukishima allowed himself to look at Asahi's face grow determined. "But I think I understand him. If there's something he wants, he's going to go after it. He got the rest of us all fired up to do the same."

"Well, don't get complacent," Tsukishima warned, his tone joking, but his words serious. "He might end up coming after you again because he's so focused."

Pushing himself off the wall, Asahi allowed himself a small laugh. "I don't plan on it. Because we're both rivals with him to be the best in our position, you and I know best how much he's grown. He's not so little anymore."

There was a pause, in which Tsukishima realized that Asahi was right - that Hinata had worked hard to be so good, and to rise to the level that he was. He'd grown as a player, and that bothered Tsukishima for some reason.

"But I won't lose - not to him, and not to anyone else."

"You don't hate it, you say. But it's clear that you don't have any passion for it."

Kageyama tossed against the wall as Aika sat right under where the ball was, giving him an extra challenge to avoid hitting her. "You're lucky that Azumane senpai was there during your game against Ubugawa," she suddenly said as she scribbled in her notes.

"Yeah. Azumane senpai was really vocal about it today." He paused, catching the ball as it came back to him. "Vocal isn't the right word, but you know what I mean."

She nodded, looking up from her notes. "It was like he radiated whatever it was he wanted to say, and he wasn't shy about it."

"But Hinata realized it loud and clear. Which means things are changing, right?"

"I suppose… but there's still a lot of work to be done." He sighed, knowing she was telling the truth, but not really liking it. At the downtrodden look in his eyes, she quickly amended, "I'm sure you'll be fine! Everyone's doing really well, plus there's still the rest of the training camp to do something!"

Kageyama allowed himself to mirror her grin.

It was the one she'd worn when she told him that she believed in them before the Interhigh, the one she'd worn when she told them that she was proud of them, even after their loss to Aoba Josai. It was the smile that said "you can do it."

He wanted to believe that.

"I won't let you down," he vowed loudly, his voice echoing throughout the gym, causing several people to look up at them. "I'm going to become the best setter you've ever seen!"

For a moment, Aika only stared at him, as did the rest of Karasuno, all of the ones who were still practicing in the gym. But she then burst into laughter, loud and sincere. He stared at her, not knowing how to react.

She pushed herself up, leaning against the wall to look him in the face. "I know you'll become the best, Kageyama," she replied softly, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

He couldn't help his blush as she grinned at him. He bowed to her, wanting his promise to become one that she knew he was serious about.

"I will, you just watch!"

"Why should I have any passion for volleyball? It's just a sport."

Aika wheeled herself out of the Karasuno gym, calling "Thank you for the hard work!" and hearing the same called back at her, before closing the door. She hummed a bit, wondering just where Tsukishima went directly after practice.

A lot had changed in just one day of long, hard practice.

Asahi had solidified his position as the ace, and had basically thrown down a declaration that he would never let Hinata take the position from him, not as long as he was on Karasuno, and it was a declaration that Hinata respected.

Kageyama and Hinata had begun to fix the relationship that had seemed so irreparably damaged thanks to the argument at the weekend training camp. Both were recognizing each other's hard work and strengths.

Karasuno as a whole was coming together - not quickly, but she could see how the puzzle pieces were falling into place. They'd be a hard team to fight against once all of them began to utilize their new skills properly.

"Aika."

She stopped her wheelchair and turned her head to see Sugawara, out of breath, behind her. He looked at her with determined hazel eyes.

"Can we talk?" he asked, his voice soft, but firm.

She sighed internally, knowing that she wasn't going to get out of it so easily. "Of course, Suga senpai. I think we definitely need to, don't we?" He nodded in reply, but no other words were exchanged.

Both parties knew exactly what the conversation was going to be about.

He pushed her wheelchair out of the building, and towards the stairs that led to the parking lot. "Here, is this okay?" She nodded, and he helped her out of her wheelchair to sit on the top of the stairs.

The two were silent, neither of them really knowing how to start the conversation that they so desperately needed to have.

Aika struggled for words. It was hard to find what she wanted to say, especially to someone she still cared for and respected. But she knew that she had to fix things. Leaving them the way she left them before Karasuno returned to Miyagi last time would only worsen things. It had to come to an end. She just didn't know how to end it.

"I'm sorry."

It wasn't her that spoke.

Sugawara looked down at his feet as he apologized. "I'm really sorry, Aika," he murmured.

"Suga senpai…"

He cut her off before she could say anything. "Please, let me finish. I have to say something before I lose my nerve." He laughed sadly, a small, self-deprecating smile coming over his face. "I knew what you were going to say before you said it, but I just… I felt like I couldn't let you say it. I was convinced that us being together would ruin your options later. Even if you were unhappy, you'd stay because when you care too much, you stay. I rejected you because I wanted you to have the ability to leave." He ran a hand through his hair.

Aika sighed. "You never said anything like that, Suga senpai," she replied, her voice filled with hurt over what she'd just learned.

"I know. That was my own fear consuming me."

"But I'm the same way." She let out a bitter chuckle as she grasped the hem of her skirt in her fists. "I didn't want to tell you how I felt because I was scared that you'd stay with me, even if you got a better opportunity. I thought dating someone who would potentially hold you back from going big places wouldn't be good for someone as great as you," she admitted.

Sugawara only stared at the younger girl for a second. His hands shook, and he was unable to fight the thing that he wanted most.

His arms wrapped around her from behind, pulling her so her back was against his chest. He nuzzled his face into her hair, feeling his shoulders shaking from the weight of his own emotions. It felt right, holding her in his arms like this.

But at the same time, it didn't feel like love.

"Suga senpai." Her soft voice floated to his ears. "I really care about you. And I think you're a great person. But… right now, we're together… and it doesn't feel the same now as when I knew how I felt."

He couldn't help his smile. He held her a little tighter, just to keep her close for just another moment. "I feel the same, Aika. I still care for you, but… maybe it's not romantic anymore," he said.

She turned her head to look at him, a small smile on her face. "So, in the end, neither of us have anything to apologize for. We can't apologize for a heartbreak we didn't cause, right?"

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah. We don't need to be dating to be close," he joked, a teasing smile on his face. "Plus, I still think that there's someone else you care about even more than you'd ever cared about me."

"Who?" She blinked in confusion.

He hummed, still teasing her. "He's taller than me, and he's got dark hair, right? And he's probably the smartest guy on the court." He paused, gauging her reaction. When she didn't react like she knew who he was talking about, he added, "Although, he's not really the smartest person off the court, you know?"

At that, she turned bright red, her entire face covered by a blush. He grinned, knowing that she knew exactly who he was talking about. She stuttered, opening and closing her mouth, looking more like a fish than like the dignified girl he was used to.

After a moment, she looked down, fidgeting as her blush receded into just her cheeks.

"I do… care about him, too."

Her admission was so quiet that Sugawara almost missed it. But he did manage to hear it, and he couldn't fight the swell of affection he had for her. His lips pulled upwards upon seeing how hesitant she was to really admit or accept her feelings.

I knew it.

"But it's not just a club. We're a team, and we look out for each other, on and off the court. And you're a part of that, Tsukishima."

Everyone had been lecturing him as of late - first Kuroo and Bokuto lectured him about his weak blocking, then Yamaguchi lectured him about how he hated that Tsukishima wasn't even trying to fight to become better, and now, the same night, Aika was lecturing him about his feelings.

Tsukishima hated having to listen to others. He hated that he was allowing some stupid sport to affect him so heavily, especially one that he had so much contempt for. He may not have hated volleyball, but he hated what it stood for.

Failure. Weakness. Giving your all to something that will never give anything back.

But what he hated most was that he didn't really hate volleyball at all.

He knew that Aika was an observant person, but he didn't think that she'd sacrifice her night, one that she could spend with the ball of sunshine or the King, the two people she cared most about on the team, so that she could watch a stupid blocking practice with him and a bunch of stupid people.

She'd already dedicated enough to the sport. She had given everything she had - not just during the day, when she spent it helping Karasuno, coming right back to them, but also in allowing her dedication to it drag her wherever it wanted to go.

He didn't fully understand how, after a long day of practice, she could want to keep practicing with the fools on Karasuno.

"I know I'm a part of this joke of a team," he muttered as he wheeled Aika away from the gym. "It doesn't mean that I have to like it."

She looked right up at him, a frown on her face. "But you do like it, Tsukishima. It's more like… you don't believe anything will come out of giving everything to a sport." She paused. "Do you want to talk about it? Why you're scared to give volleyball your all?"

"No."

His answer was immediate.

"Well, I'm here to listen if you need me," she continued, practically ignoring his response. "It's not really a good idea to bottle it all up. I want you to keep evolving as a player, but this is going to hold you back."

He fixed his gaze on her, curious as to what she meant.

"I just think that… if you're not prepared to give your all to being part of this team, you shouldn't be on it. I don't want to see that happen, but it's not fair to those of us that are trying our best. Everyone is here because they love the sport and they want to win. So, if those don't apply to you, why are you here?"

For a second, Tsukishima didn't reply.

"It's not really anyone's business but mine," he finally said.

She frowned even further, her eyes narrowing at him. "You know, I know what it's like to feel how you feel," she admitted. He froze, the wheelchair coming to a stop as her words hit him. He stared at her as she merely stared straight ahead. "To think that you give your all to volleyball, only to have it betray you. I know that better than anyone." Her hand reached for the leg that had nearly ruined her life.

"But you're still here." His face was blank, his eyes expressionless, as he asked, "Why? Even after all of this, you're still giving everything you have to a sport that only hurt you in return. Why would you do that?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I am. It's because volleyball gave me what I needed most. Even if it took away my ability to play, it gave me the people I care about. Shoyo and Kageyama, Suga senpai, Ken, Tetsu… and everyone on our team, including you."

His eyes widened.

Me?

"I think that volleyball isn't something you can just let go of, though. Even if it hurts you, it's a game that keeps you always thinking that you can keep growing. And I think that's what's most important about it. Not winning or losing, but letting yourself keep growing."

She paused, letting herself laugh a little.

"Ah, but that's just me. You're probably a bit different from that."

Maybe. But maybe just a little bit different.