WARNINGS: NSFW (not necessarily se*ual, but best not to read a work)

MEIRA

Stepping inside the first room, the stench of decay filled my nose. Howls of rage preceded the corpses. No magic effects descended upon me, instead these carcasses seemed intent only on one thing: destruction.
Armed with weapons of various kinds, I summoned my shield of ice before reaching across the Fade. Instead of slipping past the Veil with ease, however, I found myself prevented from doing so, some sort of barrier in my way.

"It believed this would be easy after defeating Apathy and Famish? Is it arrogant?" A slick voice questioned. Envy.

"Peace had its way, but there is rage within it. Let us draw it out," another voice demanded. Rage.

There would be no releasing these possessed corpses either. Shield in hand, I drew my spectral blade. The corpses attacked in a single-minded horde, trying to overwhelm with their numbers alone. Blocking swings, bashing away enemies, cutting them down with my blade, they fell.
The number of possessed dead, however, were even greater. All possessed by rage; it made sense, for Rage was the most common of the demons and an emotion most often felt by mortals. It gave Rage the advantage of having near limitless opportunity to be born.
Ice erupted from me, freezing and shattering a dozen or so at a time. Lightning cracked down upon them, spiderwebbing through groups. Blade and shield broke numerous; but still they kept coming. I fought and fought, their occasional swing hitting its mark.

"It is strong. Good."

I clenched my jaw. Envy. It was watching me; learning, studying. I needed to end this quickly. The longer Envy was allowed to study me, the more likely it was to take my form.
Anger rose; that was most likely the goal. I would fight these corpses, but only with my most basic magic. I could not give Envy more than I could defend myself against. As it was, my body was growing tired, feeling as if I had been fighting for days.

"It grows angry," Rage laughed, "So enticing."

Growling, my shield melted away. Summoning an ice blade, I swung both swords as one. Tearing through the corpses as I ran about the room. Slashing, cutting; more corpses fell, yet more replaced them.
Envy wants me to use the abilities I gained from Apathy and Famish. If I do, then it can use them. I heaved in breaths. I can't. I have to keep fighting this way.
Baring my teeth, I raised my blades despite the burning in my muscles. Blocking, parrying, thrusting, I continued in victory. A blade sliced into my flesh. And another. And another. My mana reserves were deep, but my physical was still limited; and I was reaching that limit.

"It is trying to fool me by dampening its power. It is clever. But will it survive this way?"

I had to tap into my magic just a little more. Shouts of rage surrounded me as they lunged. My weapons gone, I slammed my fists upon the stone floor with an answering shout. Ice encased the room, freezing everything within, all the remaining corpses.
Panting for breath, with a thought, all that remained shattered apart. Veilfire lighted in the braziers of the next door. Lungs burning, muscles aching, sweat drenching my body, it took the little remaining strength I had to stand.

"Such determination," Envy marveled, "I cannot wait to wear your face."

My legs shaking, I climbed the steps to the next door. Eyes blinded by sunlight, I raised a hand to block its light. Gone were the clothes I had been wearing, gone was the temple. Instead, I stood within a forest, dressed in Dalish armor.

"Meira!" Ellana's voice called, full of joy, "There you are!" Arms slung around my neck before hands turned me. Ellana smiled broadly, her jade eyes sparkling. "Are you going to keep hiding? We all know you're nervous, but we also all know you're crazy about him!"

"Nervous?" I questioned.

"About the bonding!" Ellana rolled her eyes, "Hurry up and do it, would you? I can't bond until you do," she flashed a mischievous grin, "And you know how badly I want to be bonded." Her smiled faltered. "Or is becoming Keeper what you're nervous about? You're the only one I'd trust to lead us after Deshanna goes to sleep with the ancestors."

So this is the best Envy can conjure? To tempt me with Ellana's life? "I do not envy this, demon. Not anymore."

A growl sounded in my ear. "Not enough time. Very well, again."

The illusion began to shift, but I felt the demon beside me in the waking world. Turning, I grabbed it by the throat. "No." It writhed in my grip. "I've faced Envy before. I do not fear you."

"And what of me, mortal?" Rage snarled before tackling me out of the illusion.

Claws sank into my side and I cried out before swinging my elbow. It connected with Rage's face causing it to release its hold on me. I scrambled up, summoning weapons. Before me stood not an elf, but a hulking wolf.
Though it wasn't a wolf either, as it stood upon two legs. It's appearance was almost elven given the shape of its eyes, but it had the fur, the maw, and the ears of a wolf. It bared its teeth and growled before, with dizzying speed, it attacked. Claws swiped, teeth snapped, and on all fours it rushed me. It was all I could do to defend myself against the beast.
I could sense Envy within the room; its malicious want for me, palpable. Trying to look for it while keeping my focus upon Rage was next to impossible. I kept trying to slip past the Veil into the Fade, but the barrier remained.
Clenching my jaw, I assumed the barrier was the work of Envy. The demon at Therinfal had been particularly gifted with barriers. Given the power Envy possessed, it made sense for it to be able to bar me from the Fade. Envy seemed bent on studying me as I fought Rage, gaining all it could before I fell.
Rage's assault was purely physical, it's namesake burning in its eyes as saliva hung in ropes from its panting mouth. The test—and Envy's goal—remained the same: would I use the abilities gained from Hunger and Sloth? From Hunger the ability to drain the very life-force from another, but what had I gained from Sloth?
Changing its form had been its only offense. Much like Envy, Sloth was a master of disguise. But any form I took, Envy could copy. Was there a way to use that to my advantage against them both? Some way I could trick Envy into opening the Fade so that I could call them to their other purpose?
I had conquered Envy at Therinfal by forcing it to stretch. To feed me more in order for it to learn more. Changing my form would not help stretch it, but perhaps it would confuse it. Cause it to lose focus upon the barrier just long enough that I could slip through. Or if I could make physical contact with Rage, I could possibly use its connection to slip through. But will it work?
My body was shaking, exhaustion creeping in. I had little choice. Grunting as I summoned the vambrace given by the spirit Sloth had become, I felt it grow upon my arm. Something bestial hummed along my bones as the armor imbued its power upon me, the call to the forms Sloth had possessed. Yet they were uncorrupted and numerous.
A voice spoke, low and powerful: "The one I had possessed was one with the animals. Each beast has its use, mortal. Perhaps, in time, you will add more to my repertoire. I lend you my mastery as it is painstaking to learn each form, but know shunning the discipline will come at a cost."
 I acknowledged the spirit's warning before it revealed the forms available to me.

"What is it doing?!" Envy snarled.

I needed something fast and small. A prey animal that Envy would detest becoming. The spirit presented a form that would meet my need and with it, I felt my body transform.
Though it was magic I was working—rather the armor granted by the spirit was working—it was unlike any I had used before. Bones crushed together, skin tightened, organs shrank. It was both painful and not, but in the confusion, my control slipped.
For a terrifying moment, my mind gave completely over to the animal I had become, scurrying about the room in utter panic. I knew I was not the form I had taken, but I could not reclaim my elven body. The heart within the animal was close to bursting at the speed it was pumping out of fear. Anger grew in my gut and, slowly, the animal form stopped its terrified struggle. Anger, as I knew it, an animal would not be capable of feeling. I let it burn and as I did, my consciousness wrestled control back from the animalistic mental state I had been in.
My limbs became its, as did my eyes. As I focused, the world shifted, everything becoming huge compared to my small size. Gone were the near endless colors my vision granted, instead the world was painted shades of blues and greens; my field of view widened, but weakened.
My heart thrummed faster than I believed was possible. Sounds exploded in my long ears, my vision able to pierce the sentient dark to reveal Envy hiding behind Rage. Whiskers upon my face helped me to sense the things my weaker eyes could not and through my powerful nose, I was able to smell my enemies no matter where they moved.
With the heightened sense of the hare, I could smell subtle distinguishers between Rage and Envy. Rage had the scent of magic flames, while Envy smelled of carrion. As Rage lunged once more, attacking blindly having lost me in its vision, powerful legs sprung me from the floor.

"Don't let it touch you, you fool!" Envy shrieked.

My inner self smirking as the demon gave itself away, I landed upon Rage's back. Focusing, I shifted my furred paw back to my hand and grabbed Rage's connection to the Fade, throwing us both through. Tumbling upon the shifting ground of the Fade, I sank a summoned blade into the incorporeal earth and wrenched myself up.
Defiant shouts sounded in my ears before blistering heat licked my skin. Rolling away, a fireball incinerated where I had been laying. Throwing my hand up, ice erupted in a wall to protect me from the blazing heat as Rage threw another ball of fire. I cried out in agony as multiple arms grabbed me from behind. Envy.

"You thought to best us here? You will learn your place, mortal. We are the rulers here," Envy spit.

Struggling against its grip and the throbbing of my vision, I growled, "Then why do you want my face, demon?"

Envy laughed, the sound full of malice even as it tried to emulate my voice. "Because, mortal, I want to rule there. You mortals are beneath us, deserve—crave—to be ruled. I but need the power. And with your power, I could do it."

"I will never give you that power," I hissed.

Forcing myself to focus past the pain, to breathe through it as Solas had taught me, I let out a shout as I willed the Fade to my control. Tendrils of the incorporeal earth shot out and captured Envy in its grip. Envy raged, but I willed the tendrils to peel the demon off me.
Rage shouted on the other side of the ice wall, fiery claws slashing and hacking away at it. Cracks webbed through the magic ice, the demon would soon be upon us. With effort, I willed water to pour from the sky of the Fade. Rage howled in pain, steam rolling off as the water dampened its fire. Summoning another wall of ice before turning to Envy's hideous face, it desperately fighting against its restraints, I placed my fingers upon its forehead.
Like a blow to the back of the head, I was not prepared for the malevolence contained within Envy. Envy's host concept was malicious jealousy; the cruelest form of selfishness as one desires the failure—the destruction—of another in order to gain or deprive the object of one's covetousness of what they have. But the pure and all consuming bitter hatred, the absolute self-obsession, was nearly unbearable. Envy's malice fed upon me, threatening to possess me.
I saw in my mind's eye all that I envied throughout my life: Ellana's life amongst the Dalish; her relationship with our family; her freedom; humans who'd never faced hatred for the shape of their ears; the normalcy of a life without magic; all those in Kirkwall who'd never had to experience Alrik's depravity; those mages who'd never been Tranquil; those who were; those who had normal magic; Solas's control; everyone who could be themselves in a way I had never known.
I could hear myself screaming beyond Envy and I's unembodied struggle, the demon announcing its perceived triumph. It whispered that I could have all that I envied, be the female that I longed to be in my secret heart, experience all I had never had if I only gave it my face. Envy's malicious and insatiable will sank dangerously close to my very essence, dark hatred swallowing the light.
'You are under the mistaken impression that I require consent'.
Even if it had not learned enough, even if I did not allow it, this demon would take my form by force and learn what it needed after the fact. All it needed to do was bide its time. Draw out this struggle.
I shall not fear. 'Now, my darling, go fight'. In this the truth is found, blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.
 Biting ice devoured Envy's will as a wolf pack devours its prey, as Envy usurps its victim: without mercy. Envy howled its defeat before I seized that flicker of its other self. Gently and with as much grace as I could muster, I offered the demon its other nature; its other purpose.
To care beyond itself; to find joy and satisfaction in the success and fortune of others. To show grace to mortals by working to bring about those things that would benefit them. To call mortals to their better selves capable of charity and compassion. Our battle ceased, a kind presence washing over me.

"I cannot stay long, Fadewalker," a gentle voice spoke, "You've still Rancor to defeat. Have mercy on her, mortal, it is but her nature. Take your boon. Use it well."

I opened my eyes, getting a glimpse of a genteel male with red-brown eyes and curls before he disappeared. I winced as a greave of the swirling metal buckled upon my leg. The greave stretched down to encase my foot and up before fanning into a point above my knee. Braided leather covered my thigh and below that the bodysuit of pure night climbed up my hip.
Unsure of what to expect, I turned to Rage just as my ice walls melted apart. Rage heaved in breaths, its molten eyes searching for me. Its gaze swept over where I stood many times, but never focused.
'But most of all, it hides'. Am I...invisible?
I thought of Cole; the boy, the spirit, could choose to be hidden, to be invisible at will. Purpose called Cole "Compassion". Compassion was certainly a benevolent form of Envy and Envy certainly hid.
Is this its ability?
Cautiously, I moved towards Rage. Its head turned, but its gaze still did not land upon me. Afraid the longer I took, the more likely it was to find me I moved.
Running at the demon, I leapt as its fiery claws swiped, my icy fingers connecting with its burning flesh as I arced through the air. Freezing its will as it was nothing but ardent rage, I cooled its fire to its gentler self. I held those flames in my incorporeal hands, the fire captured. Letting them go, the soft warmth burned into a spirit.
Eyes the color of fire—warmer than Desire and softer than Faith—met my gaze briefly before looking away. A dress of blush and scarlet hair that smelled of apples cascaded in waves down her back. A bloom of color dusted her cheeks as she clasped her hands over the twin greave. The spirit Envy became stood next to her, a soft smile upon his regal face.

"No need to be shy, Ardor," he encouraged, his hand gentle upon hers as he helped her offer the greave to me, "This one understands."

Ardor's fire eyes met mine once more. Her gaze reminded me of the gentle flames of a hearth or the fire of our camp. They shimmered the same shade of bronze that Cullen's did in the firelight for a moment before flaring back to her oranges and reds. Her iridescent skin shifted in the light of the Fade as she extended her hands, the greave horizontal upon them.

I looked to the benevolent Envy. "Do you all have names beyond those of the virtues you represent?"

His red-brown eyes met mine. "Yes and no. Some of us are so named because we represent an emotion more complex or simplistic than the root from which we grew. Some of us chose not to take a name beyond what we represent, though we may be more complex in our nature than our simple name indicates. I believe you understand we can be as simple or complex as we choose within the concept we are born from?"

I gave a nod. "So Ardor is more than love. As the definition of the word implies, yet she is no less a spirit of love than any other."

"Exactly," he nodded. "Just as I am no less complex than she, though I am simply called Charity."

"Does this give me any clue as to what I am to ultimately face?"

His smile broadened, conveying warmth, compassion and sympathy all at the same time. "Alas, mortal, though my nature calls me to help you, I am bound by blood. Until that curse be lifted, you must work on your own."

Ardor was studying me when I looked back at her, but she blushed again before looking away. She chewed on her very plump lower lip as if nervous. I sighed. "Very well."

Charity chuckled. "Stay strong, Fadewalker. There is something to you that I do not wish to see fail."

"How gracious of you," I snarked.

He let out a laugh before pulling Ardor further into the Fade, disappearing as the temple once more appeared. I flicked my eyes to the inscription above the door.
Tel garas solasan. Melina en athim las sulevin. Tel garas solasan. Melina en athim las sulahn'nehn.
 I clenched my jaw. Purpose and Joy were next, meaning I would face Desire and Despair. Fear slithered down my spine, coiling in my gut. My hands and legs began shaking, causing me to drop to a knee. I had not even entered the room and yet I could hear Desire laughing. My stomach flipped, nausea rolling.
Maker, hear my cry.
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes.
Maker, I don't want to do this. Please. Lift me from this sorrow.
 I had sworn to leave my fear outside the temple, knowing I could not return to the others, to Cullen, without conquering this place. Without seeing through whatever the Maker had called me to face here. Without conquering my fears. But I was terrified of what awaited beyond this door. Feared with all I had.
It would not be anything tied to Alrik and that Desire, no. It would be far worse. Desire would give me the one thing I had come to want and knew I could never have. And when I did what I knew I would have to, Despair would be right there to feed. To feed upon me as it fed my own despair. I knew what lay ahead and knew I could not face it. It would destroy me. And even if I did somehow muster the strength and courage to overcome, I did not know if I could be made whole again.
I shall not fear.
 I closed my eyes and shook my head, grasping the hilt of my spectral blade hard.
The Light shall lead her safely through the paths of this world, and into the next. For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water. As the moth sees light and goes toward flame, she should see fire and go towards Light. The Veil holds no uncertainty for her, and she will know no fear of death, for the Maker shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword.
I took in slow breaths. Steadying myself, I rose.
Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder.
I trust You, my Maker. Give me the strength to bend to Your will, but not to break.

...

The tips of my blades scraped across the ground, my shoulders curved, my ribs aching as I panted in breaths. I knew not how many revenants and arcane horrors I'd faced nor how long I'd fought, but I had not the strength to lift my swords. They faded away, and with them the last of my physical strength.
I stared hatefully at the door before me, the one that would lead to the demons' temptations, wanting to just get it over with, but I could not take another step. I crashed forward, splaying upon the ground. Exhaustion swept over me, threatening to pull me into sleep.
I could not fall asleep. To fall asleep would be to open my mind to the demons that remained, to be vulnerable. When I willed myself to the Fade, I had control. But to cross the Veil while asleep would be to lose that control. To be easily possessed. Yet, my eyelids drooped, betraying me. With a snarl, I forced myself to my hands and knees, shoving away the burning ache. Crawling across the stones, I wrenched myself up the stairs before punching through to the Fade.

Pain. Pain unlike anything I'd ever experienced was not something I was expecting to face in a temptation. Yet, this hurt was different. My whole being was wracked with it, overwhelmed by it, but something gave me the strength to endure. I panted for breath, my heart racing, head swimming. The pain ebbed only a fraction. I felt a gentle hand on my face while equally gentle hands were moving my legs, spreading them apart. Panicking, I tried to kick at those hands.

"Be still, Meira," Bethany's voice spoke, "I have to check how far along you are."

The hand upon my face cupped my cheek. "Stay strong, beloved. You're doing wonderfully."

"Cullen," Ma's voice spoke, "She's nearly there, but she's growing tired. I need you to help her."

Warm lips pressed upon my forehead briefly. I could hear Ma, Bethany and Cullen speaking, but the pain was too much to discern what they were saying. Another wave of pain surged and with it, pressure so intense I let out a soft cry.
Cullen's strong hands pressed into my hips, diverting the pressure and pain by creating a new sensation. Ma took one of my legs and draped it over the other before pressing into the ball of my hip and massaging. Bethany gave what relief she could through her magic. The pressure eased in my back, but intensified at the point Bethany had been checking. The skin there was stretching, and as it did, I felt something move within me.
It was at that sensation that I knew I would fail. Even though I had known what Desire would offer me, I still could not have prepared myself for it. Prepared myself to resist. The pressure increased as the child within me begged to make its entrance into the world.

"So close Meira," Ma encouraged, "Inhale, da'len, and with the next contraction, breathe out as you push with all you have."

"I can see the babe, my love," Cullen breathed, emotion thick in his voice, "You're so close."

Tears burned on my face. The utter cruelty the demon was capable of...I had known Desire to be cruel, but this...the one thing I had come to want since confessing my love for Cullen, since he'd admitted to his intention to marry me, but I knew I would never have. A family. Children. Something I had never truly known: a home. The demon spoke, gambling that the temptation was too great for me to resist even if it revealed itself.
"I give you what your Maker cannot. Your death will be pleasant, painless. Enjoy this gift."
Pain surged again. I took a deep breath and as that pressure climbed to a peak, I pushed with all I had left. Crying out as the baby entered the world, I wept. Wept with joy, wept with sorrow. Joy that I was experiencing this and sorrow because no matter how real the sensation, it was imaginary. I knew it wasn't real and yet, I couldn't force myself to fight.
Blinking my eyes open, I was in my room in Skyhold. Night had fallen, the stars brilliant outside the open doors of the balconies. A warm fire burned within the hearth, bringing Ardor's eyes to mind. The gauzy curtains of the fourposter bed shimmered in the breeze stirring them. Flowers decorated the room, all blooms chosen for their calming scents. I spotted an infant's crib near the bed, seeming to be another work of Blackwall as it echoed the griffon rocker he'd crafted for Cullen's nephew. The bed had been stripped of all but a sheet and a few pillows.
I was in a simple cotton shift, my skin damp from the sweat, curls braided down my back. Weeping silently as I watched Ma and Bethany deliver the babe the rest of the way, Ma's gentle gaze met mine as a smile broke upon her face. Tears shimmered in her eyes before she brought the babe to me. Magic curling around Bethany as she healed me.
The tiny thing cried out, lungs strong. Its rosy skin was covered in the birthing custard, my blood mingled in with the white substance. Wonderfully small hands grasped and feet kicked, her round face scrunched up as she cried. I watched her little belly move with the cries, the cord of life that connected her to me translucent in the firelight. Ma placed her upon my chest and I howled out another sob as I wrapped my arms around her. It was all I had ever imagined it would be, and in letting myself imagine it, I had given the demon what it needed to create its temptation.
Her smell was unlike anything: clean, sweet and warm. Like a loaf of freshly baked bread. Her cries ceased as soon as I held her, her vulnerable body curling into a ball against me. Cullen's hand covered my own over our daughter's back, a band of gold upon his ring finger.
Forgive me, My Maker.
Letting out a breath, I looked up into his eyes. Molten gold swimming in silver and a smile so broad, so free, my heart shattered. I reached a hand up and pulled his mouth to mine. Our tears mingled on my lips before he pulled away, his hand cupping my cheek.

"You are so beautiful, love," he whispered, "I am so proud of you."

"We'll let you be," Ma spoke softly before she and Bethany descended the stairs, their work finished.

Cullen joined me upon the bed, holding us both. I leaned into his warmth and closed my eyes. Days, months and years passed within the temptation. I watched as our daughter grew, watched Cullen be a father as I was a mother.
I lived through it all. The vulnerability of infant hood and her triumphs of growing strong. Watching her learn to sit up, crawl, walk and talk. She grew in beauty and vivaciousness, a love for life and others bubbling out. There was no one she did not love and no one that did not adore her amongst our makeshift family of the people within Skyhold. Jade eyes and flaxen curls; golden skin, rosy lips and cheeks. A contagious smile.
I watched as her dainty hands reached towards the sun as her merry giggles filled the garden. She was running, Cullen on her heels. His strong hands caught her up, tossing her into the air, her golden hair brilliant in the sunlight. Their belly laughter a balm to my soul. Their eyes met mine, hers full of joy and his full of love and desire. Cullen made love to me that night, slow and gentle.
Time continued on, my belly growing round once more. Cullen held my hand as I brought our son into the world. Just as beautiful and wonderful, I thought my heart would burst. Lying in our bed, a little time later, I watched Cullen as he held our son to his chest, rocking our him to sleep. Golden curls graced the babe's head and as Cullen turned to me, our son yawned deeply before blinking sleepily. Eyes of pure gold met my gaze briefly before falling closed with sleep.
Purpose. Solasan. Inquisition. Cullen.
 Cullen arched a dark brow in question as he noticed my face shift. I shook my head and smiled, ignoring the tears burning in my eyes as I felt my heart shattering. I hugged our sleeping daughter closer to me as she dozed upon my lap, too scared to sleep in her own bed. Cullen climbed under the covers, cradling our son to his chest as he did so.

"What's wrong, beloved?" He murmured.

I simply smiled before meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. "Nothing. I am...I am just so happy."

He gave me a warm smile. "I am glad. I...There is not a day that passes where I do not thank the Maker for His blessings. I never believed...never imagined...never hoped I would know such happiness."

"Nor I," I breathed, my voice catching, "Nor I."

I watched him for a long time, even after he had fallen asleep. My family was beautiful in the firelight. All of them shimmering gold in the gentle flames. I studied Cullen's handsome face, too perfect, but I memorized the planes to satisfy me until I saw his true face again.
His soft curls fell upon his forehead as his head bobbed forward with sleep. Dark brows free of stress, dark lashes brushing his cheekbones. His perfect mouth opened with a quiet snore and I chuckled.
My fingers twined through our daughter's hair as I kissed her head, inhaling the scent of her. As gently as I could, I climbed off the bed, easing her off of me and tucking her under the covers. Walking around, I petted our son's small head, my lips quivering as I pressed them against his velvety curls. He smelled of sunshine and fresh air. Knowing what was coming, my soul was cleaving in my chest.

Pressing a kiss to Cullen's cheek, I whispered: "I love you."

Rousing just a little, he murmured, "I love you, too."

I had to do it. I had to do it now or I would never escape this. Turning from them, heaving in breaths, keeping my tears from falling, I shakily made my way out into the night. My hand unsteady as I grasped the railing of the balcony, I allowed myself one last look. I turned my gaze to my family and drank them in.
Cullen had one arm cradling our son, the other holding our daughter as she had snuggled into him. My heart beat heavy in my chest as if it sensed I was bleeding out despite my still living.
In this the truth is found, blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. The Light shall lead her safely through the paths of this world, and into the next. For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water. As the moth sees light and goes toward flame, she should see fire and go towards Light. The Veil holds no uncertainty for her, and she will know no fear of death, for the Maker shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword.
 I shall endure.
Letting those tears fall, I clenched my jaw and turned away from them. My grip hard enough upon the railing to break it, I threw myself over the edge.
Closing my eyes, I waited. After years within the temptation, of fully giving over everything except the smallest sliver of my true self, I reached out to my body in the waking world. Desire was there, just as it always had been. It was beginning to panic as it realized what I was doing. Knowing my window was small, I opened my heart to the despair I had been keeping in check all those years; building and building as I never let myself truly forget that none of it was real and I would have to leave it all.
I had been able to keep that small sliver of myself grounded in the mortal world because I knew the false world was too perfect; an exact replica of all my imaginings. Free of the difficulties of life, of what made life worth living. But it had been too much to resist, even if it were not and never would be real. I'd allowed myself to enjoy so much of it so that when I did leave, the misery I would unleash would be too great for Despair to resist. It revealed itself, its appetite too strong. Both demons next to me in the mortal world, I slipped into my corporeal body and seized them both.
Desire had miscalculated in giving me this temptation; for in giving it to me and my choosing to let it go, neither Desire nor Despair could resist as I called them to their other natures. For I had embodied them in my choosing to sacrifice what I had gained in Desire's dream. In so doing, my willpower had grown beyond what I had ever thought possible. Desire gave way to Purpose and Despair, Joy.
For though I had despaired in losing them, there was joy and hope in knowing, even in a false world, Cullen and I had children. I had birthed them, watched them grow, been their mother. I had been allowed to taste that which I never would have otherwise; at first believing it was a betrayal of the Maker to do so, but as the years had passed, I realized it was a gift He had given me. Not cruelty, but utter compassion. A light in the darkness. And exactly what I needed in order to let it go.
I shall not fear.
 And no longer would I. For there was nothing I could not face now. No demon could tempt me nor force me into submission through my greatest want or greatest fear as I had faced both in that moment when I'd left them behind. To have a family and to lose them; the cold endured.
The spirits appeared before me, Purpose just as dignified as the spirit that resided within my soul and Joy as youthful and vivacious as her namesake would imply; looking so like Cullen and I's daughter. Together, they buckled a breastplate of scales over my chest, their abilities growing that second mana pool within me. A nod of respect from Purpose and a knowing smile from Joy, I exited the Fade and stood before Pride's door.
I closed my eyes, tears hot on my cheeks, as I let out a shuddering breath. Knees cracked upon the stone floor. Blade clattered away from me.

Howling sobs echoed in my ears as my grief wove a symphony upon the stones.

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