Shadows of the Past
Chapter 4
Cleaning up Breezehome and making it livable again took nearly a month. Kaidan offered what little coin he had to help pay for it, but Edna waved him off.
"Nonsense," she snorted. "You're going to need money for your own expenses. There's a missive board here in town, and the innkeeper or the Steward are sure to know of any bounties that are outstanding. That's what you did for a living, right?"
Kaidan nodded. "It doesn't pay much," he warned her.
"Then we'll have to do more than one," Edna insisted. "I've got enough money to get the roof fixed, the clapboards chinked and a kitchen-type area put in."
"What about your room upstairs?" Kaidan asked, lifting a brow. "There's nothing there now except a bedframe and a chest."
"It'll do for now," his friend replied. "I've slept in worse places. I'd like to get the rest of the house in order, first."
And so it went; and if the Steward wondered why their new Dragonborn hadn't yet made the journey to High Hrothgar, he was wise enough not to ask. But soon the people of Whiterun began to talk about their new Thane, and how helpful she was.
She'd had a sit-down talk with Mikael – which, truth be told, was more of a lecture from someone old enough to be his mother – on how he should be treating women if he didn't want to be thought of as 'creepy' and 'offensive.' When Mikael admitted he didn't want people to think he wasn't able to 'get any woman he wanted,' she pointed out he'd better decide which one he did want and focus on being the kind of person she wouldn't hesitate to say 'yes' to.
She delivered some frost salts to Arcadia for Farengar, only because she happened to be going that way, and when the mage made disparaging remarks about Edna being 'clearly more suited to that kind of menial task' than his own august self, Kaidan pulled the man aside and made it clear he wouldn't tolerate any disrespect to the Dragonborn – from anyone. Farengar merely gulped and promised he'd keep a more civil tongue in his head from then on.
Several bandit lairs in the Hold had been troubling the Jarl; the roads weren't safe for travelers, and outlying farms and businesses were being targeted by thieves. Kaidan and Edna spent an entire week clearing them out, and the resulting spoils and bounty rewards allowed for further work to continue on Breezehome.
Amren had doubts that she would be able to find his father's sword, but Edna showed up with it the next day, earning her the Redguard's undying gratitude.
Kaidan smiled at the man's delight. "I know all too well how it feels to lose the one thing that ties you to your family," he told Edna later that evening, as they sat in the recently-furnished living room. "I'm glad that you offered to help Amren. He's a good man."
"He is," Edna agreed, "though I think he needs to pay a little more attention to his daughter. She's becoming quite the bully. I already had to have a talk with her about the way she treats that Battle-born boy."
"Aye," Kaidan nodded. "I had a talk with her, too. She came at me, all puffed up, declaring she wasn't afraid to fight me."
"Did she now?" Edna chuckled. "That was bold of her."
"Bold or not," Kaidan said soberly, "if she's not careful she's going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person someday and regret it. I'd spare her that, if possible."
"Did you tell Braith that?" Edna queried, eyeing him carefully.
"Not in so many words, no," Kaidan admitted. "But I found out the only reason she's bullying Lars is because she likes him and wants him to kiss her."
"Kiss her?" Edna blurted, laughing. "She's ten if she's a day! And she's not making him want to kiss her when she threatens to beat him up!"
"I kind of told her that, too," Kaidan chuckled.
"I don't think Amren's the problem here, though," Edna mused. "He loves his daughter; you can see that. But Saffir doesn't seem to have the time of day for her own daughter. She'd far rather stick her nose in a book. I'm all for learning, but she has to be a parent, too."
"You talking from experience, Edna?" Kaidan joked. He knew so little about her. But his off-handed comment had unexpected results.
"No!" Edna said sharply, rising to her feet. "It's just common sense. I'm going to turn in early. Goodnight, Kaidan." She headed up the stairs and he heard her door close.
What did I say? Kaidan wondered, frowning. He'd struck a nerve he hadn't been aiming for. Why did that innocent question upset her so? Unless Edna did have children, or a family somewhere; or maybe she had one, but had lost them in the Great War. He gave himself a mental smack upside the head. That was probably it. He had inadvertently reminded her of something she'd lost. He'd have to make it up to her somehow.
Kaidan stared broodingly into the fireplace. Edna had badgered the workmen into moving the central firepit of the house to the side wall and building a chimney and fireplace surround. It was far cozier than having an open fire in the middle of the house, and less likely for anyone to accidentally stumble into it.
What could he give her that she would like? Something to apologize for his ill-timed words. She likes to read, he thought, and smiled. That was it! He'd find her a book she didn't already own. It wouldn't be hard to do. There was a small bookcase upstairs in the loft area, and another one in the room under the stairs which hadn't been finished yet. He'd taken to spreading out his bedroll in that room until Edna made a decision about its purpose. Proventus had explained it could be furnished as a child's bedroom, which Edna had immediately rejected, or an alchemy lab, which she also wasn't keen on.
"I don't do much alchemy," she told Kaidan, "though even if I did, Farengar has a lab up at Dragonsreach, and Arcadia has one closer at her shop in town."
Where can I get her some books? he mused, then remembered a building that had been constructed near the Talos statue in the Wind District. Tucked under the stairs that led to Dragonsreach, and surmounted with a strange elven statue, Kaidan remembered one of the guards calling it a 'library', and claimed it was fairly new.
"You can just sit there and read," she told him, "or you can purchase some from the staff there. But don't try just walking off with any from the bookshelves," she warned him. "I'd hate to have to haul you off to the Dragonsreach dungeon, but don't think I won't do it!"
Edna didn't come down for breakfast the next morning, and when Lydia tapped on her door, she assured the Nord woman she was fine, just not hungry. The Housecarl came down and shrugged at Kaidan.
"I don't know what's gotten into her this morning," Lydia said. "I hope she's not coming down with something."
Kaidan outwardly shrugged, but kept his thoughts to himself. "I've got some things to do," he announced. "I'll be back soon."
Leaving a bewildered Lydia behind, he was soon entering the small building which the sign outside proclaimed to be the "Whiterun Library."
It was quiet in here, he realized, but not the unsettling quiet of a barrow or ruin. This was the studious quiet of a place people came to read, relax, and learn, and Kaidan thought he could quite easily get comfortable here. It was broad and open, dug right down into the granite hill upon which rested Dragonsreach itself. It was well-lit, with tables and comfortable chairs placed around the main hall. A room at the back proved to be a kitchen area, where the staff took their meals, and chambers to either end were bedrooms where they slept. Lining two of the walls were closed bookshelves. A librarian came over and explained he was welcome to read any of the books from the shelves, but he had to return them to the main desk before he left. Kaidan had already taken note of the man in ebony armor by the door. They had a selection of books for purchase as well, the librarian went on, if he was interested.
He didn't spend long here, much as he might have liked, but he made a promise to himself to return. After speaking with each of the three librarians on call, he found two books that would complete a set that Edna only had part of.
Returning to Breezehome, he found the Dragonborn consulting with one of the workmen.
"We can do it, Thane," the man said, hesitantly, "but it would be expensive. You're asking us to dig under the entire house. There's all kinds of engineering we'd have to do to make that happen."
"I have confidence in you," Edna said. "I need the basement for storage, as well as other purposes to be determined later. I can give you a down payment now, and the balance upon completion. Talk to my Housecarl here, if you have any questions while I'm gone. Lydia knows what I'm looking for."
The man nodded dazedly and gave a weak smile. "Yes, ma'am," was all he said, tugging at his non-existent forelock and bowing before he left, Lydia in his wake to go over any additional details that might be needed.
"Building a basement?" Kaidan blinked.
"It seemed like a good idea," Edna nodded pleasantly, smiling. "Some of the great houses in Cyrodiil had basements for storage, wine cellars and what-not."
"I like the idea of a wine cellar," Kaidan grinned before sobering. "Edna, I…I want to apologize for upsetting you last night."
Edna's smile faded slightly. "No, my boy, it is I who should apologize to you. I overreacted, and it was wrong of me."
"Still," Kaidan insisted, "I said something that hurt you, and I hope you know I'd never knowingly do that to you."
Edna sighed and sank down onto the bench at the dinner table, patting the seat next to her for Kaidan to sit as well. When he did so, she took a deep breath and spoke.
"You didn't know, because I never said anything to you about it," she explained. "It was something that happened a long time ago, and I thought I'd gotten over it."
Kaidan said nothing, waiting for her to continue. Her eyes were focused on something in her past.
"I joined the Legion when I was very young," she said. "My father was something of a tyrant, and he would never have willingly permitted me to join. So I signed up in secrecy, and swore my Oath to the Legion and the Emperor before I told him it was my intention. My father was furious. He had already set up an arranged marriage for me to some fat toad of a noble who would have brought money and prestige into our family, but would have been a nightmare of a husband to a young girl whose last thought was of marriage and children. But I had already sworn my Oath, and my father, as influential as he was, couldn't go against an Oath to his Emperor."
She paused, and Kaidan swiped a bottle of mead off the table, opened it and handed it to her. She accepted it gratefully and took a drink before continuing.
"I served in the Emperor's Legion for about six years, before the Great War broke out. But before that happened, something…horrible…happened to me."
"You don't have to tell me," Kaidan said softly. "Not if you don't want to."
"No," Edna replied, shaking her head. "You should know. It will make clear why your words last night upset me so. You see, I had been reassigned to a new regiment, and my Captain was an Altmer whom I suspected of having secret ties to the Dominion. We always seemed to be given duties that involved routing out traitors to the Empire in small towns across Cyrodiil. There never seemed to be any real evidence to these accusations, and I began to realize that every town we entered seemed to be chock full of these 'traitors.' Most of the towns were small mining communities up in the Jeralls, north of Bruma, and many of the resident there were Nords."
She took another pull from the bottle, and Kaidan grabbed another for himself.
"I started putting two and two together," Edna continued. "I made discreet – or what I thought were discreet – inquiries of my friends in other regiments, who told me they seldom if ever had to deal with these sorts of raids. It seemed to me that the Dominion and the Thalmor were putting a lot of pressure on the Emperor to outlaw the worship of Talos, and my Captain was doing his best to further that design, regardless if the victims were innocent or guilty."
"What did you do?"
"I began watching the Captain more closely," Edna said. "I made myself indispensable to him, or so I thought. I was naïve enough then to believe that the Dominion would view anyone not an Altmer as 'indispensable.' I made sure I was included in his raid parties, and volunteered to be in his entourage, though it sickened me to do so. And I soon found the proof I needed that he was planting evidence. We weren't officially at war with the Dominion at that point, but he was murdering innocent men, women and children on trumped-up charges whose only real crime was worshipping a god the Dominion didn't acknowledge. And then I made a plebe's mistake."
"A 'plebe'?" Kaidan queried, unfamiliar with the term. Edna chuckled, but there was no mirth in it.
"A 'plebe' is a raw recruit in the Legion," she explained. "An inexperienced soldier who makes a lot of stupid mistakes that they learn from. I confronted the Captain with what I knew, and pleaded with him to stop the madness, that he was going to lose his commission if he continued, if the Emperor found out what he'd been doing. You have to understand that I thought my counsel to have some value with him, that he might listen to me. I was wrong. He laughed at me. The most sneering, evil laugh I'd ever heard. 'The only way the Emperor will know will be if you tell him,' he jibed at me. 'And since I can't allow that to happen, your usefulness to me is ended.'"
Edna drank the last of the mead in one long gulp. There was a long pause before she continued.
"He stunned me with a paralyze spell," she stated. "And while I couldn't move, he…he raped me. Repeatedly. I blacked out at one point."
Something snapped. There was a tinkle of glass breaking, and Kaidan looked down in surprise to see blood flowing down his hand, dripping onto the floor, mixing with the mead he hadn't finished. He unclenched his fist, the pain of the lacerations only just beginning to be felt.
Edna tsk'd and got up to grab a healing potion, insisting he drink it. She retrieved a cloth from the cupboard drawer and mopped up the blood and mead on the floor, tossing the cloth into the fire.
"Now you know," she said, rejoining him on the bench, though Kaidan had the feeling she hadn't told him all of it yet, but might have done if he hadn't crushed the bottle in his hand. It didn't matter. She would tell him if and when she felt ready to.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," he said sincerely. "Just know if anyone was to try that now, I'll send them to Oblivion!"
Edna gave a small smile. "I appreciate that, Kai," she said, unconsciously shortening his name. "I think I'm a bit long in the tooth for anyone to actually want to, but I'm glad you've got my back."
Kaidan remembered his errand, suddenly, and said, "Hey, I got you something this morning. I thought you might like it." He jumped up and retrieved his parchment-wrapped bundle, tied up with some twine that he had laid on the side table when he first came in. Handing it to her, he sat down again while she opened it.
"A Dance in Fire, Volumes 4 and 6!" she exclaimed, delighted. "Kaidan, thank you! I've been looking for these two to finish the set so I could read it through."
"I thought so, when I checked your bookcase last night," he grinned. "Maybe you'll let me read them when you're done?"
"Of course, if you wish," Edna smiled. "Now I have a surprise for you. Turn around and open that door."
"What, the one under the stairs?" Kaidan asked. "What did you decide on? Did you get the alchemy lab delivered?"
"Open the door," was all she said.
He did as she bid and stared. A large bed, big enough for a man his size, had been snugged into one corner, and a desk and chair into the opposite side of the room. A set of shelves above the desk would hold any books he wanted to keep for himself, and a chest at the foot of the bed under the window, and a nightstand next to the bed, provided some personal storage for him. He sat on the edge of the bed and found it to be tightly strung, and more than capable of holding his weight.
"You did all this for me?" he asked, feeling a lump in his throat.
"For as long as I live, Kaidan," Edna smiled, "my home is your home. This is your room, your sanctuary."
Rising from the bed, Kaidan came over and gathered the older woman close, as if hugging a favorite aunt. "I don't think anyone's done that much for me in a long time," he said softly.
"Oh, I don't know about that," Edna disagreed, smiling. "I think your mentor Brynjar did a decent job keeping you alive. That has to stand for something."
Kaidan could only swallow hard and nod, not trusting himself to speak. He had always resented Brynjar for leaving the way he had. That resentment had colored his perception of all the things the Nord had taught him while he was growing up.
"Now, put away whatever you don't want to take with you," Edna said now, briskly. "We'll take the carriage to Ivarstead; it leaves at noon. We can stay the night there and head up the Seven Thousand Steps to High Hrothgar in the morning."
The trip to Ivarstead was uneventful, and they quickly secured rooms at the Vilemyr. Wilhelm, the innkeeper, warned them to stay away from the Barrow at the edge of town because it was 'haunted,' and Edna cocked an eyebrow at Kaidan. He grinned and nodded.
"I'm heading to High Hrothgar in the morning," Edna told Wilhelm, "but when we come back, I'd be happy to look into it for you."
At the bridge across the river the next morning, Edna stopped to speak with Klimmek, who knew Kaidan.
"We've gone fishing together before," Klimmek said. When he learned that the two intended to climb the Seven Thousand Steps that day, he asked if they'd be willing to take some supplies up with them. Behind his back, Kaidan waved his hands frantically and shook his head, making a chopping motion across his throat with his hand. Edna smiled in amusement, but agreed, eliciting a small moan from her companion as Klimmek went to fetch the supplies.
"Do you have any idea how much stuff he puts in that pack?" he complained.
"No," Edna replied. "I take it you've done this before?"
"A couple of times," Kaidan admitted.
"Well, then," his companion said archly. "It shouldn't be too much trouble for you to help your friend out again."
"I thought Lydia was the one who was supposed to carry your burdens," he muttered, but if the Dragonborn heard him, she chose not to comment. A smile, however, played across her lips.
Climbing the Seven Thousand Steps was grueling. There were Wayshrines along the path with plaques mounted on them, which told the story of how Man had been given the gift of Voice from the goddess Kynareth herself, and how Jurgen Windcaller had founded the monastery ages ago. Edna dutifully stopped at each shrine to read the emblems, but Kaidan felt it was more to catch her breath than any obligation to tradition. She looked winded, and at one point he admitted to her, "I won't deny it; I'm feeling knackered myself."
At length, as the morning wore on, the enormous basalt edifice of High Hrothgar loomed before them. Edna read the last two emblems before mounting the steps to the donation chest outside the monastery.
Kaidan put the supplies in the chest, then stopped Edna before she could climb the last flight of stairs to the door.
"Woo!" he exclaimed. "That was a fuck-load of stairs! Let's take a moment to catch our breath, okay?"
"Alright," Edna nodded, sinking down onto the steps. "Though there are several other adjectives you could have used to describe them. Still, taking a break is a good idea." Amusement colored her voice, and Kaidan could tell that while she objected to his cussing – which he had been making an effort not to do in her presence – she wasn't going to be too upset if he dropped the occasional epithet.
"Aye," he said now, joining her. He made sure to position himself so that his bulk blocked some of the wind from her. "But that wasn't why I wanted to stop. I just wanted to see if you were okay."
Edna frowned. "Well, I might be old, Kai, but I don't have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, if that's what you're worried about."
He put up his hands defensively. "No, no," he protested. "That wasn't what I meant. I just meant that it might seem rather intimidating to be here…you know, the first person in so long to be able to go into High Hrothgar."
Edna nodded, irritation gone. "Yes," she agreed. "Wilhelm mentioned last night that a lot of pilgrims make the journey here, but none of them have been inside. Even your friend, Klimmek, only ever got as far as that chest over there." She nodded at the donation box a few feet away. "I am a little nervous," she went on. "I don't really understand what all this means for me."
"Take a moment and just breathe," Kaidan advised. He hesitated for a moment, but plunged ahead. "Do…do you want me to wait out here for you?" His curiosity burned like a fire inside him. He wanted to see where Tiber Septim himself had trained to become Dragonborn, though he knew he had no right to enter.
Edna seemed to consider his offer for a few heartbeats, but shook her head. "No," she said finally. "Please, come in with me. I would feel better if you were there. I know the Greybeards are probably not going to offer me any harm; they summoned me, after all. But this is all so…so foreign to me. I really don't understand any of it, and I would feel more comfortable about all of it if I knew you were right there with me."
"As you wish," he grinned. "I'm with you all the way. Just head on inside when you're ready. I'll be right behind you."
Once inside, and once their eyes had adjusted to the dim lighting of the place, Kaidan could see that the rough, black basalt stone wasn't just exterior construction, but carried through to the interior as well. It was cold in here, too, in spite of the braziers lit up around the main hall. A column of stone reached from the gray granite floor to the arching roof overhead, falling just short enough to allow for a brazier at its top. I wonder how they keep that lit? he wondered. Just to their left, a small shrine had been set up, but no one was currently there worshipping. What did the Greybeards do when they weren't training a Dragonborn? Kaidan shook his head and moved forward, nearly plowing into Edna who had stopped at the sight of an old man in robes approaching them.
"Uh, Kai?" she whispered over her shoulder. "Perhaps you should wait over there."
"Aye," he agreed quietly. "I'll make myself comfortable." There were benches on either side of the room, and he wandered over to the nearest one and sat down.
The Greybeard introduced himself as Master Arngeir, and invited Edna to prove she was Dragonborn by letting them – the four of them – 'taste of her Voice.' He could almost hear what she was thinking, because it was running through his mind, too. These men were older than her by a few decades. If she used that word she'd learned in Bleak Falls Barrow, she might possibly hurt them. But as if they could indeed read her mind, Master Arngeir assured her that she couldn't hurt them.
"FUS!" echoed around the great hall, and several pieces of pottery went flying. They didn't break, but the fact that she'd moved them was impressive enough. And while Master Arngeir and the Greybeard behind him were both staggered, to their credit they seemed otherwise unaffected by her Voice.
The attitude of the four old men changed in an instant. From guarded suspicion, they now radiated warmth and welcome.
"Dragonborn," Master Arngeir murmured reverently. "It is you!"
And so began her training. As Kaidan watched, Arngeir guided Edna through learning an additional Word that coupled with the one she already knew. He explained how each Shout was made up of three Words, and that each Word led to a more powerful effect. When she hit the spectral targets each Greybeard summoned, dissipating it with her Voice, Kaidan felt a growing sense of pride in his Dragonborn.
"That Shout looks like it could end an argument right quick," he observed, and was rewarded by a chuckle from Edna, and a slight smile from Master Arngeir.
They went outside after that, so they could teach the Dragonborn a new Word, one that allowed her to sprint forward at a blinding pace. Edna was breathless after her attempts, which Master Arngeir made her repeat several times to ensure she had truly learned it, but her eyes were shining.
"I haven't moved that fast since the time my friend Jerex accidentally disturbed a beehive in the privy! He came racing out of there with his pants around his ankles and a swarm of them coming after both of us!" She giggled like a schoolgirl at the memory, and Kaidan chuckled.
After the training session was concluded, Master Arngeir informed the Dragonborn that she needed to complete one final trial before they could formally acknowledge her as 'Dragonborn.'
"Retrieve the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller, our founder," he instructed her, "from his tomb in the ancient fane of Ustengrav. Remain true to the Way of the Voice, and you will prevail."
While Edna pulled out her map to find where Ustengrav lay, Arngeir approached Kaidan where he had been waiting on the steps of the monastery.
"A moment, lad," the old monk said as Kaidan got to his feet. "I would like to have a few words with you."
"With me?" Kaidan blinked. "Uh…sure…uh, Master…Arngeir."
"Will you be accompanying the Dragonborn in her quest to seek the Horn from Ustengrav?" the old Nord asked.
Kaidan stiffened. The old man better not suggest he stay home and wait for her!
"I've sworn an oath to protect the Dragonborn," he said staunchly, "and so yes…I will be accompanying her. I will not break that oath. Not even for this 'test' of yours!"
"No, no," Arngeir soothed. "It is right that you should go. It would seem the chapters of history once thought ended have pages yet to be written…and read."
"I'm not really sure what to say to that," Kaidan frowned. "I don't hold much trust in those who speak cryptic words."
Arngeir sighed, as if dealing with a recalcitrant child. "It means, lad," he said, "that it does not surprise me that you have given your oath. Be watchful," he warned now. "The Dragonborn's fate now rests in your hands, and many will seek to alter it."
Kaidan's face grew grim. "If anyone wants to try," he warned, raising his voice belligerently, "they'll have to go through me. I fucking swear it!" He was unconcerned at using vulgarisms in front of what amounted to a holy man. After all, it wasn't his faith. He felt only the slightest twinge of guilt over how Edna might have reacted to it, but she still had her nose in her map.
Arngeir seemed amused at the ferocity of his tone. "Of that I do not doubt," he said mildly. "The gods, it seems, are not without a sense of humor. For it is no accident that your path is now so closely intertwined with that of the Dragonborn. Be sure and guard her well."
Arngeir headed up the stairs to the door. It shall be interesting to see what comes of this, he thought, as the flames of Dragonguards past burn brightly in that one.
Edna came up to Kaidan, a frown on her face. "Did I hear you arguing with a Greybeard?" she demanded.
"We weren't arguing," Kaidan said firmly. "We were just having a…a discussion."
"With raised voices and vehement gestures," Edna drawled. "I saw you. Please try not to offend everyone with whom I have to associate, Kai."
"I just didn't want him to think he could keep me from protecting you," Kaidan explained. "But it seems I might have…gotten the wrong idea," he admitted. "That wasn't what the old man was trying to tell me at all. He agrees that I should go with you."
"Oh, well, isn't that nice to know?" Edna remarked, irony heavily edging her voice. "I have the Greybeards' stamp of approval on who I travel with." She snorted her amusement and shook her head. "Come on, lad. We've a long way to go to Ustengrav."
As they left High Hrothgar, a face appeared at a window facing out over the Seven Thousand Steps. "The gods must truly have a sense of humor," he murmured to no one in particular, though Wulfgar next to him snorted amusement.
Arngeir listened for a moment to an unspoken comment from his companion.
"Indeed," he said finally. "It is not for us to decide who should be Dragonborn, but I certainly hope Akatosh knows what he's doing."