Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!
Chapter 6
Later that afternoon, Johanna walked through the cemetery carrying a small bouquet of flowers. She paused at a stone, stooping down and brushing the leaves away that the wind had blown up against it. She sighed a little, noticing that the vase attached to the headstone was empty and she shook her head a little as she straightened and pulled a bottle of water from her purse that she poured into the vase before depositing the bouquet of white roses tipped in orange.
When she finished arranging the flowers, Johanna settled back down in front of the stone, her fingers reaching out and grazing the letters of the name that was spelled out upon the stone.
Elizabeth Ann Beckett
April 25, 1920- September 6, 1998
Beloved Wife, Mother, and Grandmother
"Hello, Liz," Johanna said quietly. "I brought you some roses; I saw them and thought of you. I know how much you loved your roses and I thought you'd like these ones with their splash of orange at the tips of the petals. They scream fall with that dash of color…and they just seemed like they should be yours. I'm glad I came; it doesn't look like anyone has been around lately to tend to you. I'm sorry; I would've come sooner if I had known. You know I try to make sure you're taken care of for the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries…I hope that isn't putting your children off; but how would they know if a flower is from me? Besides, they're always from Jim too…except for today. Today they're just from me."
The wind blew, ruffling Johanna's hair and she paused to brush it back from her face. "Don't be so surprised, Liz; I've brought you flowers plenty of times and you know it. But I guess you are probably wondering why I'm here today…and honestly; it's because I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I miss you. I know, you just fell off a cloud," Johanna said with a soft laugh; "But you're just being dramatic. You know I miss you. I'm sure you're also aware of the fact that I am now a mother-in-law…and I have to tell you, I'm not crazy about the job."
She shifted a little, making herself more comfortable; grateful for the warmth of the sun as it beat down on her. "I guess you could say I've been given my mother-in-law report card and I'm not scoring too well," she laughed. "I had to stop by to tell you that; I knew you'd get a kick out of it."
Johanna could imagine Elizabeth's laughter over the declaration of her poor score as a mother-in-law, and as a warmer breeze brushed her cheek, she could've swore that she did indeed hear Elizabeth's melodic laugh. She smiled a little. "The more time I spend with my son-in-law; the more I realize that you and I weren't as bad as we thought we were. I know that's probably devastating for you to hear but it's the truth. Despite everything, we somehow made it work. You purposely fed me pecans; I still married into your family. You wore black to my wedding…I sent you a postcard from my honeymoon. You called me a troublemaking, gold digging slut and I called you an old bag…we were still able to sit down and have a meal together without a feeling of awkwardness."
She was silent for a moment before carrying on. "We had our moments," Johanna admitted. "Times when we really had a go at each other…but we had good times too. I think we gave a little more effort once Katie came a long…although we still had some moments when it suited us. Somehow we managed…even though you always gave an estimate for the expiration of my marriage…and I would always gloat when I passed the estimate. Let's also not forget that I wasn't allowed to call you by your first name for the first year and a half of my marriage…and yet I'm the one with a failing grade. Can you believe it? Knowing you, you're saying yes; but we both know the truth, I'm not as bad as they make me out to be."
Her fingers toyed with the blades of grass beneath her palm, a small ache in her heart that she couldn't seek counsel from her mother-in-law in the way she wished she could. She couldn't consult her own mother either…and it dawned on her that neither woman had prepared her for the day when she would be a mother-in-law in her own right. How did one go about the job properly? She tried to do it Naomi's way, with dinner invitations and trying to stay informed about her son-in-law's successes and work…but her invitations were declined a lot, they were too busy to spare her one Sunday a month; and apparently even if they could, Rick didn't like to come and it was up to Katie to lie to her about it. Fighting back against unfair judgments like she had with Elizabeth didn't work either. So what was it that she was supposed to do?
She sighed. "I wish you could help me out, Liz. It seems odd to have a failing grade; after all, I've always allowed him to call me by my first name; I didn't give their marriage an estimate, I didn't wear black to the wedding…although they annoyed me enough that I was briefly tempted. I only invite them to dinner once a month. I don't meddle and I try to keep my opinions to myself. You'd think my son-in-law would be happy…but he isn't. I feel like that leaf that's currently scrapping against the pavement as the wind blows it…it's being pushed down roads that maybe it doesn't want to go down. I wish you were here…I'd take you to one of those 'be a better mother-in-law' lunches with me so he could see the mother of all mother-in-laws…because I know you'd chew him up and spit him out and still have energy to fight with me on the way home," she said with a laugh.
Johanna breathed deeply once more and expelled the breath. "I don't know what Rick and Katie are up to but it's something…because a few weeks ago, there was no indication that anyone needed anything to change. Now all of a sudden I have to dedicate my Tuesdays to becoming a better mother-in-law…and this week I have to go Thursday too. I feel like I've lost control of something somewhere along the way. I can almost hear you scoffing, Lizzie; like you're saying "well of course you have!" You're probably right…and yes, saying those words does always leave a bad taste in my mouth."
Her gaze caught sight of a small sparrow nearby, hopping around in search of a meal, she figured, but then it puffed up it's feathers and looked in her direction and she couldn't help but laugh. "Is that you, Liz? Because that bird sure did have your expression," she giggled.
The wind whipped around her furiously, her soft laughter being caught up in it as her hair blew across her face. "Oh come now, sparrows are cute," she said as she raked her hair back into place. She grew quiet for a long moment, her gaze upon the letters that spelled out her mother-in-law's name. "We had plenty of bad moments…but you know what stands out for me more than those bad moments? That day you came over when Katie was about six weeks old and I was in the midst of my new mommy breakdown. You took care of both of us that day…you put my husband in his place too. There was that time when Katie was four and we were both sick and you took care of us while Jim was at work. I also remember the day my father died; I sent Jim to get Katie while I stayed with my mother…despite me preparing her for what was coming, he still struggled with how to deal with telling her that her grandfather was gone. You did it though; you explained and consoled…and you offered your help with cleaning up after the reception. When my mother passed…you were there in the hallway waiting for me to come out of that hospital room. You went home with Katie and I…you helped console her…made her choke down a sandwich and didn't bat an eye when she hung onto you every time you turned around. You held me while I cried; fielded phone calls, had my secretary reorganizing my schedule. You stayed until Jim got home late that night. You don't know how much that meant to me…and maybe I didn't say it enough, because it was our way, but I did love you, Elizabeth. You didn't always make it easy…sometimes I wanted to throttle you when you were in rare form…but I learned to love you…I still love you. I needed to tell you that today…that despite it all, I loved you for who you were, flaws and all. I just needed to remind you of that today; needed to chat with you a little before I head home. Jim loves you too. I'll be back to bring you more flowers soon, Liz. Thanks for listening."
Johanna rose from the ground, a warm breeze wrapping around her as the sparrow squawked at her. She smiled. "I know; I got mushy, sue me. You know you loved me too in your own way so just shut up and accept it."
The sparrow puffed up its feathers once more, making her laugh. "It's been a rough day for both of us, Lizzie; but it's alright, we managed as always," she said as she turned and began to walk back to the car. Nothing was solved, not that she imagined it would be…but she had to admit, that having a chat with her mother-in-law had made her feel a little better.
Richard Castle always anticipated his wife's arrival home on those rare days when he didn't join her at precinct. Today, however, as he heard the scrape of her key in the lock, he dreaded her arrival; knowing full well that she wasn't happy with him…that Johanna had played dirty and tattled from the lunch table. If the woman only knew that her already temperamental daughter was now even more easily riled than usual…but of course, knowing Johanna, it would've made tattling all the sweeter. He didn't get time to ponder that further as the door swung open and he heard the click of Kate's heels against the floor.
He rose from the sofa and made his way to the kitchen as he heard the door of the refrigerator opening. He stepped into view just as she shut the door and uncapped the bottle of water; her gaze narrowing as she studied him. Castle gave her a small smile and quickly pointed to the vase of roses on the table. "Hey…I got you some flowers."
"I see," she said with a nod. "They're nice."
That was a lukewarm response, he thought to himself; and the eyes were still narrowed. "I brought you some chocolate too."
Kate grimaced. "Castle; you know I can't handle the scent of chocolate right now."
He mentally slapped himself. "Oh, yeah; I had forgotten about your reaction to that candy bar I ate the other day, sorry. I'll put the candy away somewhere…if it's any consolation, I also bought ice cream…three different flavors."
"Uh huh; tell me, what did you buy my mother to suck up to her? Surely she's deserving of a suck up gift as well," Kate remarked.
"Nothing yet; I'm debating between which store to buy her some more gift cards from. What do you think? Another one for Macy's or maybe she'd like one for Lord and Taylor? Oh, wait; she's got a Coach handbag, she'd probably like a card for there, hold on before you yell at me and let make a note of that," he remarked as he pulled his phone from his pocket to set up a reminder. "Okay, go ahead; no, wait; did she call you back after lunch?"
Kate's brow rose, suspicion flickering in her eyes. "No, why? Should she have called me back?"
"Well…I wouldn't have been surprised. It did briefly get worse but I think I turned it back around, she did stay the whole time."
"How did it get worse?" his wife demanded to know as she sat down her water bottle and gripped the counter.
Castle hesitated. "Do you want to yell at me about the other thing first? That way we can go in chronological order."
Kate smirked. "Fine; we can do it your way. What the hell were you thinking when you sat there and told her that sometimes we lie about having other plans to avoid having dinner with her? I mean what part of your brain thought that was okay? Did you have some kind of major malfunction?"
"No; no malfunction that I know of," he replied. "I was just trying to be honest with her…because I thought she'd appreciate that."
"You thought that my mother would appreciate knowing that we lie? Knowing how much she hates it when she finds out that I've lied to her about something; you really thought she'd appreciate it?"
"Well, I figure she doesn't have much right to throw stones in the lying category; she does seem to do her share of it. She's told bigger lies than we have."
"Don't even go there, Castle," Kate said sharply. "This is about you; not what she's done in the past."
"She's been lying to you about going to therapy."
"Yeah; and one day we'll sort that out but for now I'm willing to keep playing along even though I don't like that she's been lying about it. But again, this isn't about that; this is about what you did today. Not only do you tell her that we lie sometimes, you basically tell her that we lie because you don't like her…and you expect her to appreciate that?"
"I didn't say that I don't like her; I said I don't like the way she acts."
"So basically you told her that you don't like her," Kate exclaimed.
"No; I don't like her attitude and demeanor sometimes."
"Like you're a ray of sunshine all the time," she shot back.
Castle sighed. "You're kind of acting like her at the moment."
"You knew that was a possibility when you married me, Castle. You had met my mother; you know her genes are swimming in my veins."
"But you know how she is," he said with exasperation as he paced a few steps to break the force of his wife's angry stare.
"Yeah, and I know how you are when you're not getting your way," she retorted.
"Why are you taking her side?!"
"Because I think you were in the wrong this time, Castle; and maybe it's time for me to take her side for a change. I'm always on your side and she's always left to fend for herself. You had no right to say what you said. You could've found a better way. You're a writer; you know all about finding the right words. All you had to do was say "I know we're not very comfortable with each other in a family setting, what can we do to change that so that family dinners aren't so tense?" Did that ever occur to you at all? Because the way you did it was hurtful and I don't blame her for taking it as yet another way of you saying that you don't like her."
"I should've found better words," he admitted; "But I did apologize."
"You apologized and then it got worse?"
Castle grimaced. "Yeah."
"Start talking."
He blew out a breath and told her about the words that had been spoken after her phone call and how his annoyance had led him to use Johanna's fear of being kept from her future grandchildren against her; telling her that he wasn't sure he wanted his children to have much of her influence. He confessed that she had cried and that he had hurried to tell her that he didn't mean it.
Kate's eyes blazed with anger when he finished his tale. "Let me tell you something, Rick Castle," she said, her tone low and even, crackling with ire. "Don't you ever threaten or insinuate to my mother that her grandchildren will be kept from her; especially when she's already told you that she worries about it. I don't give a damn what you think of her, if you like her or not; you will never, ever, keep my mother from my children. You will never attempt it…it will never happen, do I make myself clear?"
"I told her that I didn't mean it. I only said it because she's exasperating!"
"So are you!" Kate yelled. "You admitted that you knew its something she worries about and you used it against her because you didn't like that she sent me a text about what you said to her. That was way over the line, Rick. That's one of the worst things you could say or do to her."
"I know it was wrong," he replied; trying to keep his own temper at bay despite knowing that his wife had a right to be angry about the treatment of her mother.
"You're damn right it was! I can't believe you!"
"I told her that I didn't mean it; that I'd never stand between her and her grandchildren."
Kate scoffed. "Yeah; I just bet that she bought that."
"She didn't say if she believed it or not."
She sighed deeply. "My mother might be exasperating at times and she's got her issues…but so do I…so do you; and I suggest that you remember that and step down off your high horse and get it together. You don't make those kind of threats, even if you don't mean them…and as long as I have breath in my body, I'll never let anyone come between her and our kids; and even if something should happen to me, I won't allow anyone to stand between her and my kids, because I will have a paper drawn up by a lawyer stating that my parents are to have weekly visitation with my children if anything should happen to me."
"Don't talk like that," Castle said sharply.
"I have a dangerous job, Castle; I have to plan accordingly for my child. We don't know what the future holds; I'm not saying anything is going to happen but we can't pretend like my job is suddenly going to get so much safer. If I get to move up the ranks at some point, it will; but until then, I have to think ahead. I love you with all my heart and I hope to God nothing ever happens to me, that I'd never be taken from my family like that…and I would hope that I'd never have to worry about you keeping our children from my parents; but with the way you feel about my mother at times, I feel like that is something I need to seriously consider; and if I feel better having a legal document saying that they have to be included, I want you to respect that and know that it's not something personal against you, that it doesn't take away my love for you and my faith that you'd raise them well…I just don't want my family wiped out of their lives and I don't want my parents to worry that their only link to me would be taken from them. Meredith and her family might've thrown Alexis away without a second thought; but I'm not Meredith…I'm going to make sure everyone is taken care of because that's what a mother does."
Castle swallowed hard; he didn't like to discuss such things even if they were necessary. "I would never keep your parents from our children if something was to happen to you…although nothing is going to happen. But I also understand why you might worry about that at the moment, so if that would make you feel better, then I'll have my lawyer write out that paper with you; because we're not going to need it anyway; because you're always going to come home…and I get why you worry about it. Your mother always came home, until one day she didn't and you worry about that happening to our child, but you don't have to worry. But like I said, if having a paper to guarantee that they have rights will make you feel better, please have it done; no hard feelings on my part," he said sincerely.
"It's not something I'm going to do this week; but it is something I'm going to consider."
"Alright," he said with a nod; "And we can have it drawn up that if something would happen to both of us; custody of our children would automatically go to your parents with the stipulation that my mother be involved in their lives and able to see them as much as she wanted. If for any reason any of the grandparents weren't a position to take our kids, then custody goes to Alexis with visitation for grandparents."
Kate nodded. "I'm agreeable to that."
"Okay," Castle replied; "Now let's not discuss that anymore because we're all going to be fine and live into old age to annoy our children like our parents annoy us."
She smiled slightly. "You're still not off the hook here, Castle."
"I was afraid of that; please continue."
"You know, we've blown nearly everything that my mother has wanted to be a part of," she stated; "Birthdays, holidays, wedding…random occasions; but we're not going to blow this one…we are not taking this one from her, Castle. She's going to have this moment; the one she's been waiting on…so you better make damn sure you convince her that she has nothing to worry about from you in the area of her grandchildren. When I tell her about this baby," she said, her hand straying to her stomach; "I want her to have nothing but joy. I want her to be happy; not worried that she'll be kept away. We are not taking this moment from her."
"I know," he said quietly. "I want her to be happy too."
"Then you better get it right. I need her, Rick. I need her with me for this; that's why it's so hard for me not to tell her right now and I'm not telling her yet for you, so you need to do this right…because I need her. You have been incredibly great and supportive so far, holding my hair back and not eating certain things near me and understanding that I seem to be having my share of mood swings already…but there's things that she'll be able to help me through in a different way; worries she can soothe because she's been through pregnancy and childbirth and I'm not taking anything away from you by saying that; its just that she knows how it feels and you don't…"
"I totally get what you're saying," Castle said, keeping his tone gentle as she seemed to be coming down from her anger. "I know you need her, I know there are some things she can handle that I can't and that's okay; because you're right, she knows what kind of nerves you may be feeling and she can talk you through them because she's been through it herself."
"That's right, she has; and I'll tell you another thing, no matter what you think of her; she's going to be the best damn grandmother you can ever imagine, I know that for a fact…because she was the best mother you can imagine, so I know she's going to be even better as a grandmother…and we're not going to stand in the way of that; we're not taking it from her…we're not taking it from our baby. For a lot of years I thought I'd have to go through having children without my mother; that they'd never know her, never hear her voice outside of some old home videos, never feel her arms around them…but we got our second chance, and I know a lot of hurt was had over the lie you reminded me earlier that she told. But that lie meant that I still have my mother…and my baby will have its grandmother. My baby will hear her voice, and feel her hugs and know her face and her love and everything that is incredible about her…and just maybe, this baby will take away that remaining piece of brokenness inside of her…because she's going to have so much joy and love for this baby that it's impossible for it not to spill over into that tiny corner and heal any of the hurt that's left inside of her."
Castle studied his wife for a moment, taking note of the flicker of protectiveness in her green eyes; and he realized that it was same glitter of protectiveness that often flashed in Johanna's green eyes whenever it came to Kate. They were protective of their own…fierce in their love…and he had a feeling that he hadn't been totally aware of the depth of Kate's fierce protective love until that stick had turned up two pink lines and her first instinct after celebrating the fact with him had been to reach for her phone to tell her mother…and how despite him asking her to wait, to give him time to make things better, she had suddenly been launched into a sphere where protecting their unborn baby and her mother took chief priority; ensuring that nothing would stand between grandmother and grandchild. Maybe he shouldn't have intervened; maybe Johanna would've been more open to efforts of reconciliation if she knew about her grandchild in advance but it was too late to change that now. He had to make this work; failure wasn't an option…because he hadn't considered that their baby might heal that last peace of brokenness that Johanna still carried…and if that part of her was healed; he had to imagine that it would make everything better than it was now. Yes, he had to do this right…he couldn't fail.
He moved toward Kate and wrapped her in a tight embrace. "I'm going to do better," he murmured. "You don't have anything to worry about; you're going to have your mother and our baby is going to have its grandmother, no matter what. I wouldn't take that from Johanna and I sure as hell wouldn't take it from you and I swear to you, that I will never again say anything to your mother that insinuates in any way that she'll be kept from her grandchildren…she's babysitter number one on the speed dial…and I'm pretty sure when I said that I didn't want my kids to have her attitude that it probably jinxed us and that our child is currently in the process of becoming just like her just to drive me insane at some future point in time."
Kate laughed, her fingertips squeezing his shoulder as she breathed in his scent. "You know, you very well could've jinxed it…it might act just like her…or at least be born knowing how to give you her expressions."
"God help us all," he muttered; "But we'll love them both anyway."
"I already do," Kate replied.
"Me too," he stated; at least he knew he loved the baby…and he was going to work on finding the love for his child's grandmother. It wouldn't be hard to do once some things were squared away.
Kate reluctantly pulled herself from his embrace and stole a kiss. "I'm going to go pick up dinner and head over there and spend some time with her…you stay here and think about your misdeeds and how you're going to do better."
"You got it," he said with a smile; "And while you're with her, try to convince her to let me set in on her class Friday. She said she'd think about it but maybe you can sway her and she'll give me a yes at lunch Thursday."
"She's having lunch with you again Thursday?"
Castle nodded. "Yes; but I keep being reminded that it's for your sake and your sake alone like most things she does."
"You better be on your best behavior Thursday, Castle."
"I will be," he said before kissing her once more. "Be careful; let me know you got there safely."
"I will," she replied as she grabbed her purse from the counter. "I love you."
"I love you too…give my regards to your mother."
"I think she's had enough of your regards for one day, Rick."
"True…just reiterate my apologies."
"That I can do," she stated as she opened the door and slipped out, offering him a smile and a wave as she went.
Castle breathed a sigh of relief once she was gone…it hadn't gone as badly as he feared; but if he wasn't careful, next time he wouldn't be so lucky.
Kate shifted the bags of food she carried to one hand and shoved her key into the lock of her parents front door, figuring she'd let herself in this time since she was expected. Scarlett padded into the entry way and meowed at her as she shut the door behind her and dropped her purse and keys onto the stand.
"Hey fur ball," Kate said. "Where's our mother?"
"Don't call her that," Johanna said as she came down the stairs.
"She knows it's said with love," Kate replied as she looked at the cat who came closer, sitting down at her feet and looking longingly at the bags she carried. "Isn't that right, Scarlett?"
The cat meowed and her mother gave her a knowing look. "She's only playing along with you because she wants the food."
"I brought you something for your dinner too, fur ball," Kate said as she glanced at her mother's pet.
"You did?" Johanna asked.
"Yeah; let's go to the kitchen, I'm starving."
Her mother took one of the bags off her arm and they made their way to the kitchen in silence, Scarlett hurrying along with them. "What did you get?" Johanna asked as the bags were deposited on the table.
"Italian," her daughter answered. "I just needed Italian food in my life today. I got your favorite, fettuccini in butter sauce."
She smiled. "You do love me."
"You know I do," Kate said, pausing in her task of unpacking the bags to wrap her mother in a hug.
"What's this about?" her mother asked as she held her tightly.
"Nothing, I just love you and I haven't seen you in several days. Do I have to have a reason though?"
"No; I'm always happy to accept your hugs."
"Good," she replied before releasing her. "I also got those breadsticks we always liked and salads and I got chicken parmesan for me…and I brought you some too because I know you'll want some, if not now, then later on…I also got me some of the fettuccini if I'm being completely honest."
Johanna eyed her. "You don't usually go for the fettuccini like I do."
"I know, but today it sounded good. The manager is still fond of our family so I got him to give me this little container of chicken for Scarlett so it's a true Beckett women family dinner."
Her mother laughed softly. "It was nice of you to think of Scarlett."
"See, I'm not the one with an issue…it's her; she doesn't get that I was here first."
"There's enough of me for both of you."
"Tell that to your cat while you put her chicken in her dish."
"I have told her many times," Johanna said as she took the container and moved across the kitchen, Scarlett at her heels.
"I think it might bear repeating," Kate remarked as she continued to set out their meals.
"I'll have a word with her later; I don't want to ruin her meal with a lecture," Johanna replied as she put the chicken in Scarlett's dish. "Wasn't it nice of Katie to bring you dinner too, Scarlett?"
Her cat meowed before giving her attention to her food dish. "In case you didn't catch that, she was saying thank you."
"Yeah, I got it," Kate replied.
"What do you want to drink? I have soda and tea and…"
"Water," she answered.
Johanna eyed her. "Water? You usually have a soda or tea with your dinner."
"I know but I've been drinking more water since that little episode the other day when I didn't feel good," Kate told her, hoping she wouldn't slip up and reveal what she promised she wouldn't. "I'm trying to keep the germs flushed out of my body."
"Oh, well then that makes since," her mother replied; "Are you sure you're feeling better? You do look a little pale."
"I'm fine; just had a little bit of headache from work but it's easing up now. I'm sure dinner will help too."
Johanna nodded as she grabbed a bottle of water for Kate and a soda for herself. "If it would start to feel worse instead of getting better, you call Rick to drive you home later."
"Okay, but I'm sure it'll be gone, it's very dull right now. I'm hungry so I'm sure the food will take care of it."
They settled down at the table with their meal, silence between them as they opened packages containing plastic utensils to eat their meal with. "Rick said you were in court today," Johanna finally stated after swallowing a bite of her fettuccini.
"Yeah; I was all morning; I'm going to be there a lot this week."
"How did it go?"
"Good; I'm sure there will be a conviction; there's too much evidence for there not to be one. I was glad to get done though; they took forever calling me."
Johanna gave a laugh. "That's usually the way it goes, isn't it?"
"Yeah; unfortunately it is…the assistant DA is new…and apparently hasn't honed the art of a short but concise opening argument. He just kept going on and on…it's good thing he's better at questioning the witnesses than he is the opening statement," Kate told her.
She chuckled quietly. "He must still be nervous; assistant DA is a heavy job to carry; even without that title it takes awhile to get the opening argument timed just right."
"I remember that you weren't always fond of opening statements."
Johanna gave a nod. "That's true; I liked getting past all of that and into the main scheme of things. I always felt better once the opening was behind me."
"That's because you like taking people apart on the witness stand."
She smiled. "Well that's true; there's no denying that. One year on my birthday I was working a case with your father; the woman on the stand was lying through her teeth and I asked your father to please let me have her. He allowed me to cross examine her as an extra birthday gift."
Kate laughed. "Did you win the case?"
"Of course we won."
"Were you together then?"
"No; but it wasn't long after that. We had to go to Albany for that case."
"Did he get you anything else for your birthday besides cross examining a lying witness?"
Johanna smiled. "Tickets to see the Eagles in concert and that musical ballerina that's always sat on my bookcase in my office."
"Why did he get you that?"
"Because he remembered me telling Angie about how I had one when I was little and that it got broke."
"And he had to replace it for you?"
"Yes; but it was also partly Angie's idea."
"I haven't seen Angie in awhile," Kate confessed.
"She was around last weekend; she brought Bella with her. She looks so much like Angie; she could be her twin. You should call her, see if you two can have lunch one day."
"I might do that…speaking of lunches; I'm sorry yours didn't go too well today."
"Yeah, well…you know how it is sometimes."
"I know…but what brought about this discussion that you and Castle had about visiting habits?"
"He invited me over to your place for dinner and I declined and he brought up that I haven't been over in awhile. I mentioned that the two of you haven't been here either in awhile and that's when everything went downhill."
"I see…I am sorry; and I know I said it before but that excuse hasn't been a lie as much as you were led to believe; I swear it was only like three times."
"It's alright, Katie; I understand."
"But still; he shouldn't have told you that."
Johanna shrugged. "It's fine…I told him a few things he didn't like either but I'll let him tell you about that."
"I've gotten a recap…I'm sure it's been edited though."
"Most likely."
"I was surprised you stayed the whole time," Kate remarked.
"Yeah, me too…don't ever say that I don't love you."
"I know you love me," she replied; "And I know you're humoring my husband but I promise he's had good intentions with this whole thing."
Johanna was sure there was something else at play besides good intentions but the day had been long and she didn't feel like digging deeper tonight. She just wanted to enjoy being with her daughter for as long as she hung around that evening. "I know…it was just already a long day before I got there; that early morning meeting, complaining students during my office hours, then the car problem…it kind of already had me aggravated before I got there."
"I can understand that; I'd be aggravated too."
"And every time I have to tell your father that it's okay to accept his brother's invitation to dinner, I feel terrible because I know he feels like he has to choose between me and his brother."
"That's Michael's fault," Kate remarked. "He's the one who won't let it go."
"I know; but still, I hate when my husband is in that position."
"I know you do."
"Basically, it's been a bad day," Johanna remarked.
"Sounds like it…did anything happen after lunch to add to it?"
"No; I stopped at Macy's and looked around but I didn't buy anything."
"Why not? I'm pretty sure Rick gave you a gift card."
"He did but I'm saving it for something really good and I didn't find anything that fit the bill today."
"Hmm, it must really be a bad day if you left Macy's empty handed. Did you go to Bloomingdales or are you saving that card too?"
"I'm saving it."
"When I got home, he had brought me flowers, candy and ice cream," Kate remarked.
Johanna laughed. "Wow; the only thing missing is jewelry."
"I wonder how he missed that?" she mused aloud; "But anyway, as I'm sure you probably guess, they were suck up gifts."
"I figured they were."
"You're getting a suck up gift too; act surprised," Kate told her.
"More Macy's gift cards?" Johanna asked.
"Nope; he noticed your purse is Coach; you're getting a Coach gift card this time….don't refuse it, let him do it or neither one of us will have peace."
"I can always use another purse for my collection," her mother replied; "But it isn't necessary."
"Take it anyway."
"For you, I will…while making the appropriate amount of fuss so I don't disappoint him."
Kate smiled. "See, you're a good mother-in-law."
She scoffed. "Not according to your husband."
"He likes you…he's just not sure how to handle you. He's used to women fawning over him and then he met Beckett women and we make him work for it," Kate replied with a laugh.
Her mother laughed with her. "I guess I make him work harder than you do."
"Well, yeah, now…but that's probably in the mother-in-law handbook, isn't it?"
"I'm pretty sure it's page one but I think I'm supposed to throw that book away in his opinion."
"Don't throw it away," her daughter replied; "Just take out a few pages if you have to."
"Do you know that he's made a list of things to discuss at these lunches?" Johanna asked.
Kate nodded. "Yeah; I've seen it…I don't know if he's added anything to it though."
"It won't surprise me if he has…just for the record; I thought I started off pretty good today. I was doing very well with the introductory small talk about work and my car and my students…and then it all went to hell. I probably shouldn't have texted you but it was one of those split second reactions that I couldn't curb."
"No; I'm glad you let me know…if you don't, I have a feeling key things get left out of the conversation when we discuss it at home."
"Most likely; he doesn't want to look bad to you."
"I know he isn't always as innocent as he wants to seem."
"Oh I figure that, but you know that's a natural male reaction, they'll hide anything that makes them look bad to us," Johanna remarked.
"That's true. But listen, I do appreciate that you're being patient with him and have stuck with this so far," Kate stated. "I just hope he doesn't push too far that you reach your limit."
"I'm doing my best for you, Katie."
"I know; you always do," she replied. "But like I said, I appreciate that you're doing it…I know it's not something you're crazy about but I'm glad you're doing it."
Johanna didn't really feel like discussing how she was sure there were hidden motives so she merely nodded. "I appreciate that you brought dinner; I didn't really feel like cooking just for me, so thank you for bringing the food and for coming over."
"No problem, I was glad Dad called to say you'd be free for girl time."
Johanna smiled. "He's always trying to find me a play date, isn't he?"
"No," she laughed; "I think he just likes to let me know when I can have you to myself for a few hours. I'm just glad work didn't get the way."
"I'm glad too," her mother replied. "It's been a bit of a bad day but this makes it better."
They had been settled in the living room for several minutes, the recap of a previous episode of Temptation Lane playing on the screen as they each made themselves comfortable on the sofa. Scarlett jumped up on the cushion between them, curling into a ball.
"Get down, Scarlett," Johanna said gently; "I didn't put your cover there."
"Oh let her be," Kate replied; her hand reaching out and running over the cat's fur softly. "You know you're not as strict about that as Dad thinks you are…we both know Scarlett does what she wants for the most part when he's not home."
"Since when do you defend her?" Johanna couldn't help but laugh, her gaze appraising her daughter as she watched her pet the cat, Scarlett's soft purr filling the air.
Kate shrugged. "I just don't have a problem with her lying on the couch; it's not like you don't clean. If you don't physically see the cat, you wouldn't know that she lives here."
"Well since you two seem to be bonding today I guess the couch will survive not being covered," her mother remarked.
"Like it hasn't survived before…I've walked in here unannounced before and I've personally seen this cat curled up next to you on the couch."
"Okay, so I don't always cover the furniture but your father doesn't need to know that."
"My lips are sealed," she remarked. "But I have to ask; is she trained to get down if Dad comes home before she relocates."
"Of course, she's very smart."
They grew quiet as the show started but Kate couldn't concentrate as well as she would've liked on the plotline. She was still thinking about Castle's confession about the comments he had made about not wanting his children influenced by her mother. She believed that he didn't really mean what he said…but knowing that it was a worry that her mother harbored made her feel like she had to broach the topic to assure her in her own way that her place in their lives was secured.
Johanna picked up the remote in anticipation of fast forwarding through the commercials as the scene on the screen drew to a close but Kate cleared her throat, drawing her attention.
"Let the commercials play through," her daughter stated.
Johanna's stomach clenched; her daughter must have something on her mind…she kind of had a feeling that was the case. "What's wrong, Katie?"
Kate took a few seconds to choose her words carefully. "Rick told me about some things that happened at lunch today…after I talked to you both."
She tensed a little. "What about it? Or should I guess? I only called him a bad son-in-law because he said he was going to get me a sign that said bad mother-in-law. I shouldn't have done it though, I'm sorry; he's a very nice son-in-law. I'd send him a message and apologize but he apparently has a problem with me apologizing for things. He says I try to be a martyr."
Kate sighed. "He left that little tidbit out of our discussion but that's not the part I wanted to focus on…although I will discuss the martyr remark with him."
"Oh," Johanna said, grimacing a little that she's revealed something that she hadn't had to. "Then what is it?"
"It's come to my attention that you worry about being kept from your grandchildren one day," she stated.
Her mother breathed deeply. "Well I can't deny that I think of that…especially considering how your husband feels about me."
Kate scooped up Scarlett up and set her on the floor, getting an annoyed meow in response. "Forgive me, your highness," she stated as she moved closer to her mother and took her hand. "Look at me," she commanded.
Johanna tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as her gaze met her daughter's.
"I swear to you on all that's holy in your life and mine, that no one will ever keep my children from you. You don't ever have to worry about that. I know things aren't always great between everyone in this family and I know that Rick stuck his foot his mouth once again today…and he's been yelled at for it. While I believe that he didn't mean what he said today, I've made it clear in no uncertain terms that there's no way in hell he'll stand between you and our children. You don't have to worry…no one's ever going to keep you from your grandchildren, I promise you that."
Tears stung her eyes but she didn't allow them to fall. "I want to believe that."
"You can believe it; I'd never lie to you about something like that. I want you to be with my kids as much as you want. I want you to be a hands on grandmother…because I know you're going to be the best at it…you're going to be the best grandmother ever," she said before hurriedly adding, "When the time comes."
"I want to be an involved grandparent," Johanna stated. "I want to do all the things I've always imagined I would as a grandmother…I don't ever want to be kept from your children. That would be a pain I couldn't bear after everything we've gone through."
"I know; that's why I'm telling you that you don't have to worry; nothing is going to keep you from being the kind of grandmother you want to be when the time comes."
"I hope it comes soon," her mother murmured. "I'm still young enough to enjoy it right now."
Her secret formed on her tongue, the words threatening to spill from her lips, wanting nothing more than to tell her mother that if she could just be patient until May, her wish would be granted. But she forced herself to swallow the words, remembering the deal she had made with her husband. "It'll happen soon," she replied softly. "I'm married now, it's bound to happen."
Johanna studied her, wondering if that was her daughter's way of confessing that they were trying for a baby; maybe she was afraid of saying the words in fear of jinxing the efforts. She squeezed her hand, allowing her question to be swallowed. "Of course it will," she told her; "As soon as God says the time is right."
Kate nodded. "Yeah…just give me a little time."
"No pressure from me, sweetheart; things happen when they happen…and you know if it wouldn't happen the way you want and you still want children, there are other avenues."
"I know; but we'll see what happens before we need to think about those avenues," Kate replied; hating keeping her secret to herself. She wanted to tell her so badly; she hoped Castle appreciated the fact that she struggled so much to keep this hidden for now.
"Right; there's plenty of time for all that later on…I just look forward to it, you know?"
"I know, Mom; and I want you to stop worrying that someone will keep you at a distance, because that's not going to happen as long as I have breath in my body, I promise you. I don't want to upset you by saying this, it's not a topic anyone likes to speak of, but I do have a dangerous job and knowing that I want a family one day…I've mentioned to Rick that I want it put in a legal document for my peace of mind and yours, that if something would happen to me, that you and Dad get weekly visitation time with my kids. I don't really believe that he'd ever cut off their connection to my family but I don't want to leave things to chance. I want to know that there's a paper there giving you some rights to them…because as my parents, you would be their link to me…and as your only child, they're your link to me and I don't want that tampered with, God forbid anything would happen. I'm not saying anything will happen, but like I said, I don't want to leave it to chance."
"Katie, I hate to hear you talk like that," Johanna said, her throat tightening at the thought of it.
"I know; I don't like it either; but if I hope to be a mother, isn't that the kind of thing a mother thinks about? I'm sure you and Dad had provisions made for me while I was a minor."
She nodded. "Of course we did."
"Who was the lucky winner?" Kate asked lightly.
"Well, after a lot of debate, we decided on my parents with visitation for your father's parents," Johanna replied. "Then after my parents passed, we changed it to Robert and Elizabeth…but there was a provision that stated that you were to spend a certain amount of time with Frankie and Valerie during each month so that you'd still be connected to my family. Frankie and Valerie were always listed as the back up option; and if I'm being completely honest, after Robert died, we changed it one more time and named Frankie and Valerie because we didn't think Elizabeth would be up to the task of raising a teenage girl; but she was given a provision for the same kind of visitation schedule as listed before when she wasn't a primary guardian."
"So then it isn't such a bad thing for me to think ahead, is it?"
"No…and I do appreciate that you thought of us in that way," Johanna remarked. "But I have to make my usual 'please find a safer job' statement in light of your future children."
Kate smiled. "If you didn't say that at least once every six months, I'd worry."
"I'm glad I didn't disappoint you…but still; find a safer job."
"I will eventually move up the ranks," she remarked; "But I'm not ready yet…Gates has mentioned that she'll be ready to move on in a few years, when she's ready, she said she'll notify me so I can take the Captain's exam. If I pass, then I could take her place at the 12th…because I don't want any other precinct; if I'm going to be Captain, I want it to be there and I'm willing to wait for Gates to be ready to move up the ladder or to retire, whichever suits her."
Johanna gave a reluctant nod. "Since you seem to have a game plan, I'll accept that and return to this conversation in six months."
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Kate remarked; "But do you feel better now; have I eased your mind? Because I want you to truly believe me about the subject of your involvement with your grandchildren; I'm not humoring you, I'm being serious."
Her mother squeezed her hand. "I believe you."
"Good; and if he'd ever make the mistake of saying something like that again, please call me immediately and I'll deal with him."
"You got it. He did say though that he hopes your kids don't act like me."
Kate laughed. "Yeah, well, we both know there's not a chance in hell that my kid will be born without any of your traits so he better buckle his seatbelt when the time comes; especially if I'd have a girl."
Johanna nodded. "He might've jinxed himself…she might be just like me. It would serve him right."
"You're right, it would," she said with a giggle; "And then I could remind him that it's his fault for making the statement that made it happen."
Her mother smiled. "That would be the perfect comeuppance…please go have me a granddaughter just so I can win this one…well that and so I can buy pretty dresses and hair bows and cute little shoes…and babysit while you're at work."
"What about your job?"
"I'll cut my days back," she answered without batting an eye. "I'll switch to Tuesdays and Thursdays and arrange to be home by afternoon like usual, it wouldn't be an issue."
"Speaking of Thursday, Castle says you'll be having lunch with him again?"
"Yeah; I somehow got shanghaied into that…and I'm only going to all of these lunches for your sake, Katie."
"I know," she said, the remembrance of her mother's little secret coming to mind. "Meeting him for lunch Thursday won't interfere with your therapy appointment, will it?" she asked.
Her mother tensed the slightest bit but then shook it off. "No; there won't be any problem. I don't have to go this week."
"Oh? Why not?"
"Because he said I could cut back to every other week," Johanna replied. "I think I'm just about done, honestly."
Kate nodded. "Are you going to be okay with that?"
"Most definitely."
"Do you feel that you've made enough progress?"
"I think I'm about as good as it's going to get, Katie…but I think I'm a lot better than I was; don't you?"
She nodded. "Yeah; I do…maybe cutting back on the therapy is a good thing. You'll see how much better you're doing without the benefit of going every week."
Johanna smiled. "My thoughts exactly," she replied, wondering if the questions hadn't been meant to trip her up. What if Rick had spilled her secret but Katie didn't want to come right out and say it? Was she hoping to catch her in the lie? She couldn't let that happen. She'd wait a few weeks and announce to her daughter that her therapy sessions were at an end and hopefully she'd never know the difference.
"Is there anything else we need to discuss, any other worry you have?" Kate asked.
"No, I'm good," she replied, shifting to tug her daughter into her arms. "But I'm glad you're here for awhile this evening, it's nice when it's just us sometimes."
Kate hugged her tightly. "Yeah it is, I'm glad I came too."
Scarlett meowed from her spot on the floor and Kate narrowed her eyes at her. "She was my mother first, get over it."
Johanna laughed quietly as she released her daughter. "There's no need for either one of you to be jealous."
"I'm not jealous," Kate remarked. "I just want her to know how it is."
"I think she knows, Katie."
"Good…and when you're a grandmother, she'll have to share your attention even more."
"I'm sure Scarlett would do just fine with a new addition to the family; she'll be properly prepared for it when the time comes, as you say."
Kate gave a nod. "I'm sure she will be…and I'm sure you'll be more than ready."
"So very ready," Johanna replied. "Your father will be too; he'd be overjoyed to be a grandfather."
"I'll see what I can do for the two of you," she told her, her gaze drifting back to the screen before she spilled her secrets. "Catch me up on this plotline for Angela, if you don't mind."
The topic of grandchildren was pushed aside and her mother launched a detailed summary of the plotline on Temptation Lane, allowing Kate to relax and keep her secret safe.
Kate and Johanna were on their third episode of Temptation Lane when they heard Jim open the back door and call his wife's name. Scarlett, who had retaken her spot on the couch, heard his voice and hurriedly scrambled onto Kate's lap.
"We're in the living room," Johanna called out, struggling to keep from laughing as Scarlett realized that she had jumped onto the wrong lap and was debating scrambling towards her owner.
"Just lay down, Scarlett," Kate remarked, her hand petting her gently. Scarlett settled down on her lap, purring once again as Jim entered the room.
"How are my girls?" he asked, the statement reminding Kate of her childhood; he had always said those words when he came home from work.
"We're fine," Johanna replied, smiling as he approached her. "We missed you though."
"A likely story," he teased before pressing a kiss against her lips. "You two were probably talking about me the whole time."
Kate scoffed. "We're capable of thinking up better topics than that."
Jim smirked as he stepped toward her and kissed her forehead. "When two women get together, there's always man bashing, Princess."
"That doesn't mean we picked you as the topic; right, Mom?"
"Right; he wasn't our topic at all."
"I see," Jim said with a nod. "It's Rick's turn this week. I'm off the hook this time."
"We'll get to you next time," Johanna quipped.
"I don't doubt it," he said as he moved to step away from the sofa. Scarlett meowed at him and he turned back. "Sorry, Scarlett; I didn't mean to ignore you," he said, giving her a soft pat before meeting Kate's gaze. "Since when are you and the cat such good friends?"
"I brought her dinner," Kate replied.
Jim nodded as he moved to his chair. "That'll do it. Bring me free dinner and I'll be your friend too."
His daughter smirked at him. "You have to be my friend no matter what I do, you're my father."
"Technicality," he stated. "But I'm pretty sure that your mother used free meals to lure me into her man trap back in the day."
Johanna gave him an amused smirk. "If that's what you want to believe, honey."
"I don't have to believe it, I know it."
"You can't lure the willing, Dad."
"Hey, I tried to resist," he remarked; "But by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late."
Kate laughed. "I heard that you tried to jump out of the man trap and that you were punished…and she made you beg for mercy."
"She did make me beg, but it wasn't mercy I was begging for…at least not all of it," Jim remarked.
Johanna laughed as their daughter shook her head. "Let's not even go down that road, Dad."
"Just setting the record straight."
"Uh huh; I'm more inclined to believe her version of events."
"That's because you women stick together."
"Alright, enough of who captured who and by which methods," Johanna remarked. "How's my car?"
"Your Mustang is all better, sweetheart. The battery was dying so we replaced it and the cables because they were starting to look worn and that will give you a bad connection. While we were under the hood, we also checked the belts, spark plugs and fluids. I added some oil but it was probably due for it. You shouldn't have any other trouble with it."
"I'm glad it was minor; thank you for taking care of it today."
"It wasn't a problem," he replied. "I sorry it took you a few calls to get me this morning."
"I know it wasn't on purpose," Johanna told him. "Did Michael say anything?"
"About what?"
"About it being my car?"
Jim shook his head. "No; he just asked what I thought was wrong with it…and after we tested the battery, he's the one who suggested that we check the belts before we went to get the new battery and the cables. There wasn't any problem."
"Good," she murmured.
Kate shifted a bit, being mindful of her feline friend on her lap. She knew that it was still a soft spot for her mother that Michael and Natalie were still shunning her. "How are Uncle Michael and Aunt Natalie?" she asked; not to hurt her mother but because she felt like it would be expected of her to ask.
"They're fine," Jim replied. "They asked about you. Natalie said that you should come visit sometime soon."
"Yeah; that's not likely. She looked like it killed her to be at my wedding so you know…"
"That's probably because I was there," Johanna replied.
"You're my mother; you were supposed to be there. I didn't give a damn if Natalie was there or not."
"I'm just saying though, that's probably why she looked so pained by being there."
"She could've stayed home."
Jim smiled as he glanced at his daughter. "She also asked when you'll be having a baby; she said you better get with it if you want one."
Kate's face blanched and Johanna's jaw tensed, she had a feeling it wasn't a question her daughter wanted, especially if she had picked up on the hints right that she was trying to start a family. "You tell your nosy sister-in-law that the only person who gets to ask her that is her mother," Johanna remarked. "She'll have a baby when the time is right…just like we did."
Jim gave his wife a grin. "I'll give you a dollar if you call her up and tell her that."
"It's tempting but I've had enough drama for the day," she replied, noting that color was returning to Kate's face now that the statement had been handled.
Her husband looked to their daughter. "I already know about the car and her meeting and her students…she was a little quiet about lunch so far, so I'm assuming your husband did something. Am I going to have a special meeting with him?"
"No," she said with a shake of her head. "I've taken care of today's faux pas; which Mom can tell you about later."
"Well you tell him he better watch it anyway," Jim remarked. "I don't want to have to have that special meeting with him but I will if I have to."
Kate smiled. "I'll pass that message along to him."
"Please do."
Silence fell across the room as they all gave their attention to the television. When that day's episode of Temptation Lane finished, Kate glanced at her watch and scooped Scarlett up and put her on the cushion between her and her mother. "I better be getting home," she stated.
"Did your headache go away?" Johanna asked as she rose to follow her.
"Yeah; dinner took care of it," Kate said, pausing next to Jim to kiss his cheek. "I love you, Dad; I'll see you later."
"I love you too, Katie. Be careful getting home; let your mother know you got there."
"I promise," she replied; "And if Natalie's meal wasn't filling for you; we saved you our leftovers; they're in the fridge."
Jim smiled. "That's one of the reasons I keep you two around; you keep me well fed."
"We know," Kate replied as she headed for the entry way.
"I'm going to walk out with her," Johanna told her husband as she met his gaze.
He gave her a nod and she followed after her daughter; waiting as she slipped on her jacket and grabbed her keys and her purse. They were quiet as they stepped out on the porch and began to move down the steps.
"Katie," Johanna said quietly.
"What?"
"I'm not pushy with the baby question, am I?"
Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"When I bring up that I want grandchildren."
Kate smiled and took her hand as they walked to the car. "No, Mom; you're not pushy about it. I'm pretty sure a healthy amount of time passes between comments."
"I don't want you to think there's any pressure from me…I remember a period of time when your grandmother hassled me constantly about settling down…and when she found out I was taking birth control pills, she assumed it meant I was never going to give her a grandchild. She didn't understand why I didn't throw those pills away the day before my wedding and she brought it up sometimes, worrying that I wasn't going to have a child. Other people asked all the time once I was married too…and sometimes it was easily ignored and other times I wished they'd just mind their own business. I don't ever want to make you feel that way with those types of comments."
"You don't," she assured. "I don't mind when you mention it; because like I said, you don't mention it all the time. I don't like people like Natalie mentioning it because from her I tend to take it as a dig that I've waited too long."
"I understand how you could take it that way," Johanna replied; "But I'm sure it'll all work out…you're still in your thirties, you have time; hell a lot of women have babies into their forties. It'll happen, you just have to have faith…and keep all options in mind so that it keeps some of the pressure off."
It had already happened, Kate thought, forcing her hand not to stray to her stomach; a habit she had quickly developed once the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy. She had also noticed that her emotions were more easily tugged upon and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes; her mother had picked up on a vibe, it wasn't exactly the right one but she knew she had grasped something…that maybe she thought they were trying for a baby and not telling anyone…and she was quietly offering her support for whatever happened in her endeavor to have a family of her own.
"Hey, what are the tears for," her mother asked; bumping her chin up with her knuckle.
She shrugged. "I don't know…I just appreciate that you're supportive about that whole thing…you know, about not pressuring and being reassuring all that the same time. I don't know, I guess I'm just having one of those moments."
Johanna pulled her into a tight hug. "I'll always support you, no matter what. I have faith that it will happen when the time is right; and you should believe that too. People are going to ask a lot now that you're married but ignore them and tell them to worry about their own womb."
Kate laughed softly as she held on to her, breathing in the scents of strawberry soap and the soft notes of floral perfume that her mother always smelled of. "It usually happens when you're least expecting it, Katie," Johanna murmured. "That's how I got you…I wasn't expecting it at all, and there you were."
"I thought you got me because you got drunk on champagne in a hotel room in Pennsylvania."
Johanna pulled back to look at her, an amused smirk on her lips. "That's true too…I was a little drunk in a hotel room…which goes to prove that thinking about getting pregnant was the furthest thing from my mind. All I was thinking about was celebrating the fact that I didn't have to go to that damn family reunion. I had no idea that the celebration would provide me with my own little family."
"Are you ever sorry that you didn't have another baby?"
Johanna shook her head. "There have been times when we're at odds with each other and I wish I had another one…but then we get past it and I feel the way I always did; complete. Once I had you, I was complete…and really, how could there be another when God already gave me the best he had?"
She gave her a wobbly smile and pulled her back into a hug. "I love you, Mom," she murmured.
"I love you too, baby," Johanna said, her hand sweeping over her daughter's head like she used to do when she was small. "Everything will be alright; you'll see."
Kate closed her eyes and hung on to her; her mother didn't know her secret and yet she had just soothed some small faction of nerves with that simple statement. She reluctantly pulled herself out of her mother's embrace after another long moment. "I'll let you know I got home," she murmured.
"Okay; be careful."
"Oh," Kate said; a thought coming to mind. "Rick mentioned that he asked to sit in on your class Friday."
"Yeah," Johanna said, her tone giving away nothing. "I told him I'd think about it…that's why he wants to have lunch again Thursday."
"He wanted me to persuade you to say yes but I'm leaving that decision completely up to you," her daughter replied; "I won't be mad if you say no; so if you're not comfortable with it; don't do it for my sake, I won't be upset about it, I promise. You make up your mind based on your own feelings for that one."
"Alright, Katie; but I will give it serious thought and you can tell him I said that if he asks."
"Okay," she said with a nod. "Have a good day at work tomorrow."
"You too."
"I'll call you tomorrow."
Johanna smiled. "Okay; I'll be home from work long before you."
"I know," she laughed as she unlocked her door. "Don't rub it in."
"You know I can't resist once in awhile," her mother teased.
"Oh I know; go ahead and head back to the house…I like to make sure you're inside before I leave," Kate said, leaning close to kiss her cheek.
Johanna kissed her cheek in return and patted her arm. "Alright, see you later; thanks for dinner."
"You're welcome," she replied, standing by the open door of her car as she watched her mother move swiftly back up the walk and then up the steps. She got in the car and closed her door, locking it and reaching for her seatbelt as Johanna stood on the porch, her hand on the handle of the screendoor. She gave her a wave and Kate started the car and pulled out as Johanna stepped back into the house.
She locked the doors and drifted back into the living room, moving toward Jim, she settled down on her husband's lap, her arms slipping around him. "How are you doing, Sassy?" he asked quietly, wrapping his arm around her.
Johanna breathed deeply and expelled a soft breath. "Well I've had better days…but of course I've also had worse days so I probably shouldn't complain too much."
"A bad day is a bad day," Jim replied, his fingertips caressing her arm. "It doesn't have to measure up to others. Do you want to talk about whatever happened at lunch?"
She gave a soft shake of her head. "Not tonight; I've kind of exhausted that topic with Katie for now. I'll tell you about it tomorrow over breakfast."
"Alright," he murmured; knowing better than to push when she was clearly done with the issue for the moment. "Anything I can do to make you feel better?"
A soft smile touched her lips before she stole a kiss. "You could make me forget if you're of a mind to…that always makes me feel better."
Jim patted her hip. "I can do that; let's make sure the house is locked up and head upstairs for the night."
Johanna gave a nod, brushing another kiss against his lips before she got up from his lap. The day hadn't been all that great; but she had gotten to spend some time with her daughter and now she could have the rest of the night with her husband; forgetting about wounded feelings and lunch appointments…ulterior motives and decisions to be made. She was just going to forget it for a little while and let tomorrow take care of itself.