Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!
Chapter 11
As Castle approached the usual booth in front of the window, he saw that his mother-in-law was already there, her spoon clanging against the ceramic cup as she stirred her tea to cool it. Kate's repeated warning kept ringing in his ears and he couldn't help but think that the clang of her spoon was somewhat menacing. Surely that wasn't the case though, surely everything was fine…maybe she really had looked forward to lunch; it wasn't so hard to believe.
He slid into the booth across from her and smiled. "You must've gotten here early," he commented.
"I said I'd be on time," Johanna remarked; her tone somewhat clipped.
"You didn't lie," he said with a nervous laugh. He couldn't exactly read her expression but there was tension in her jaw, rigidness to her posture.
"You don't look very happy today."
She gave him a malevolent smile. "It's nice to see that working with cops is paying off for you, Rick. You're able to guess a mood."
"And sarcastic," he added. "What's wrong?"
Johanna leaned back against the booth, her back straight and her arms crossed as she regarded him with a piercing look. "I have a question for you, Rick; what did you do after we had lunch Friday?"
Trepidation slid done his spine but he did his best to ignore it. "Why do you want to know?"
"Just answer the question."
His brow rose. "Are we playing courtroom?"
"Answer the question."
"Well…I went home, took care of some things and then went out and ran some errands. After that, I went back home, did some writing and then got ready to go to the mystery writers symposium. That was an evening long affair so after that I went home to my wife."
"Uh huh," she said; "While you were running errands, did you make any special stops?"
Castle hesitated. "No…not that I recall."
Johanna nodded. "You don't recall?"
"Was there something unflattering about me on the internet?" he asked; hoping that was all this was. "Because you shouldn't believe everything you read online."
"Oh, I don't…as a matter of fact; I'm finding it hard to believe some of these answers I'm getting from you at the moment. Now I'm going to give you one more chance. Did you do something on Friday that you shouldn't have done?"
"No…I don't think so," he said slowly; doing his best not to squirm.
She smiled but it lacked warmth, he noted. Her eyes glittered with the look of one who was strategically planning a battle. Castle watched as she reached into her bag and took out her phone, touching the screen and waking it. Worry gnawed at his gut as she tapped the screen a few times until she found what she was looking for.
"Would you like to tell me why I got this message from my sister yesterday morning?" Johanna asked as she held the phone out to him.
This was so not good, he thought to himself as he took the phone and looked down at the screen where a long email greeted his gaze.
"Just thought you should know that your son-in-law came to my office Friday hoping to plot a little behind your back lunch date for us…at least he claims he was doing it behind your back. I'm not sure I totally believe that…you do have a tendency to be pushy sometimes but I admit, you don't usually send someone to do your dirty work. During his big spiel, he made it clear that the two of you don't get along and that he's obviously trying to get on your good side with this little scheme of his. He mentioned that you got shoved out your own daughter's wedding planning so I figure you're probably not too fond of him and probably felt as unwelcome as I did when I wasn't even invited.
Your son-in-law also gave me some pages he had printed off of some big essay you had written about me. Honestly, sissy; I don't appreciate you sharing our stories with some outsider…they may be your memories too but that doesn't mean you need to share them with someone who will probably make them into some sort of dribble for a book about murderous siblings or something.
Maybe you should be more careful about who you share things with; he doesn't seem to have any qualms about spilling your secrets. Watch your back, Sissy."
Castle swallowed hard and allowed his finger to move the screen so that he could read Johanna's reply to her sister.
"Colleen, I swear I know nothing about this. I had no idea that he'd take it into his head to track you down and try to force you into seeing me. I'm so sorry; please believe me when I say I didn't stage this. I know how things are, I know you don't them to change and I've made myself make my peace with it. I'm just thankful for the small amount of contact you allow. I assure you that I will take care of the issue; and just for the record, I did want you invited to the wedding. I'm sorry I got overruled; and I'm sorry that Rick bothered you…and I'm even more sorry that he shared something that I meant to stay private. I will be more careful with what I share and I thank you for still having my back despite everything. I love you, Bug.
His brow furrowed at the usage of nicknames between the two sisters who seemed to be so at odds and didn't even see each other. He moved the screen once more to see if Colleen had replied but instead found another message from Johanna to her sister.
"Colleen, please answer me…just let me know that you believe I had nothing to do with his visit and that it won't ruin what we've been able to achieve. I don't want to lose this contact…I know I always leave it up to you to initiate so I don't bother you but I just need to know this time. Please."
He found a third message, it too from Johanna. "Don't shut me out completely again, Colleen. Please. I'm sorry, I'll deal with him, I swear. Just please answer me."
He squeezed his eyes shut as his mother-in-law jerked the phone out of his hand. Damn that Colleen, he thought to himself. He specifically remembered asking her not to notify Johanna about his visit. What was it about the women in that family? Why did they have to be this way? Why did they have to be so damn complicated?
"Well," Johanna said sharply. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"She wasn't supposed to tell you," he mumbled.
She scoffed. "Well you see how that worked out for you…and if you didn't want me to know, then maybe it's something you shouldn't have been doing in the first place."
His tongue felt tied as he tried to form the right words beneath her fiery gaze. "Don't be mad."
"Too late, I'm already mad," Johanna replied. "I've been mad since 9:45 yesterday morning."
He shook his head. "You don't need to be mad."
Her gaze stayed pinned upon his. "Don't tell me what I need or how to feel. What the hell were you thinking when you took yourself down to my sister's office and went there with this half baked scheme of yours," she demanded to know. "Does Katie know about this?"
"No, Kate doesn't know."
"That's good; because I'm sure she's knows better and would've told you to keep your damn nose out of my business."
His wife had told him that…in gentler terms of course but he had been warned…and had lied to his wife; which she was sure to find out about once his irate mother-in-law got through with him if he had to hazard a guess.
"I was trying to help you," he stated.
"Help me with what?" she said tartly.
"With your sister."
"With my sister," Johanna repeated. "You really thought it was wise to go seek out my sister and try to instigate some kind of meeting, when I recall recently telling you that I didn't even want to discuss the topic of my sister. In what world does me not wanting to talk about it mean you go and stick your nose into it?"
Castle took a moment to try and think of the perfect way to explain it all…surely he could convince her that he'd only had her best interests in mind. "I just thought that if you could see your sister, you'd be happier."
"I'm happy as I am."
"I don't really think you are," he replied. "I see how you look when she's mentioned and I thought maybe if you had your sister back; it would make things easier for you."
"What things?" she asked sharply.
"Life," he replied somewhat sheepishly. "I just thought if you had your sister, you'd…"
"I'd what?"
"You'd be better?"
"Better at what!" she exclaimed.
"I don't know…everything? Maybe you'd be a happier person…more open to healing all aspects of life if that area was cleaned up."
A ripple of hurt pooled in her heart; her family really thought she was a terrible person; one who needed help to be a better person. He was always saying that he didn't have a low opinion of her and yet he just kept proving to her that he did.
"If I'm so terrible; why don't you just leave me alone?" she asked. "Why do you keep dragging me through all of this if you think I'm so awful and that I suck at life so much? And if I really am so terrible; what makes you think you can cure me? You think because you managed to charm my daughter that you can charm me? That you can change me? Make me into the person you think I should be? You don't get to play with my life, Rick. You don't get to say what I need or how I should feel or what I should do. Who the hell do you think you are? You wonder why I keep you at arms length? It's because every time I start to give in, you do something to remind me of why I shouldn't. You had no goddamn right to go to my sister on my behalf and do anything!"
"I didn't think it would be a big deal," Castle stated; "I just figured if she didn't like the idea, she wouldn't call me to arrange the meeting; and if she did, it would just be a nice surprise for you."
"Oh, I got surprised alright," Johanna declared; "And how dare you give her what I had written! What possessed you to do that?"
"I just thought if she read it, she'd remember how much you love her."
"You had no right to give those pages to her," she said; her eyes blazing. "I allowed you to read what I wrote because I trusted you! I gave it to you in confidence; as a thank you for letting me read a few scenes you had written for the book you were working on at that time. I trusted you…how could you do that to me?"
"I told her not to tell," Castle said; his defenses rising. "I just wanted her to see how much she meant to you. You didn't stamp the word document top secret, you know."
Johanna swallowed hard. "Who else has read it? Who else did you show those pages to?"
"Johanna," he sighed.
"No; you tell me…who did you show my work to? I think I have a right to know."
He raked an agitated hand through his hair. "Kate…I let Kate read the stuff you sent."
Her chin trembled slightly, her eyes feeling with tears of humiliation. "Who else?"
"Your sister obviously."
"Don't play games with me," she demanded. "You tell me."
"Alexis stumbled across the things you sent one day when she was using my laptop."
"Because it would've been too much like work for you to delete it after you had read it, right?" she asked. "You just kept it around in case you needed to use it some day? I didn't give you permission to share my words with anyone! How would you have liked it if I had leaked your scenes online and spoiled your book's plotline? How would that have made you feel? Would you feel betrayed, Rick?"
"I think that's a little different."
"Yeah; it always is when it's you, isn't it?" she asked.
"I was just trying to do something to help you," he stated tersely.
"I didn't ask for your help!" Johanna said. "I didn't want anyone meddling in my business with my sister. I don't even tell Jim everything her messages say. It's between us, we were slowly finding a way that works for us and you had to go stick your nose it and it'll most likely ruin everything. All you did was hand her something that she can use to ridicule me!"
"Why would she do that? You only wrote about your memories and your feelings."
"You don't get it," Johanna retorted; her voice thick with emotion and tears glittering in her eyes. "I love my sister with all my heart, but I'm not blind to her faults. She's very vindictive when it suits her, and those pages will be a vulnerability she can pick at and make bleed every time it pleases her. You didn't help anything, you only made it worse. No one asked you to go there, and knowing Colleen, she probably believes I had something to do with it. So thank you, because I'm sure you just obliterated any chance I had, because I've done sent her three messages trying to fix this mess and she's not responding, so again, thank you; and for now on, unless I ask you to do something; keep your nose out of my personal business."
His jaw tightened with anger. "I only wanted to give you something that you clearly wanted."
"It wasn't up to you to give! It was up to my sister!"
"Well clearly she wasn't going to give it without some motivation," he retorted.
"And you think you motivated her?" she asked. "Has she rang your phone to schedule this magical meeting that's going to change everyone's world?"
"Johanna."
"Answer me."
"No, she hasn't," he said tartly. "But I thought it might take some time…she wasn't as hostile as I expected."
"So you go into her office expecting her to be hostile and you still thought it was a good idea?" Johanna asked.
"Yes; because it means something to you."
"I don't need you arranging my life!"
"I wasn't arranging your life; I was trying to give you your sister."
"You can't wrap her up like a baby doll and present her to me like a Christmas gift, Rick! We're not toys, we're real people and you can't just stick your nose in and start messing with something you know nothing about!"
"Oh my God, you act like I committed a crime and all I was doing was trying to give you something nice; something you wanted…so you'd know I care."
"You don't prove you care by messing in things that you haven't been invited to poke your nose into," Johanna said. "And you don't show me you care by taking something I gave you in confidence and letting everyone read it. Those were my words; not yours. You don't get to share mine; that isn't right."
"I only did it to help you!"
"You didn't help me," she retorted; "And for that matter, I didn't ask for your help!"
Anger rushed through him and he spoke before he thought about what he was saying. "You know what, Johanna; no one can ever be nice to you. My mother's right, you are a pretentious snob who wants everything your way or no way. You can't even accept a simple gesture of kindness. Nothing ever pleases you; nothing is ever good enough!"
"That's funny; because that's how I feel about you," she told him. "I have came to every lunch, I came to the dinner you invited me to, put up with your mother's remarks, I let you sit in two of my classes, I've been talking about things I don't believe need picked at but I keep doing it and it doesn't seem to be enough for you either. I don't know why you suddenly wanted to do any of this, and at the moment, I don't even care about the reason anymore, because you stepped across a line you had no business going across. You don't know my sister, you don't know anything about our relationship and no one asked you to make a grand gesture. I trusted you and you broke my trust and that's not something I take lightly."
"Because you're always the victim, right?" he said sharply. "Someone is always doing something to you; poor pitiful you, right, Johanna? Because that's how it comes off. Even when someone is being nice to you, you turn it into being victimized."
Fury and emotion warred within her. "Well, Rick; let me ask you something; if you don't feel you did anything wrong; why didn't you tell me you were going to go talk to my sister? Why didn't you ask if I'd mind?"
"I wanted you to be surprised…and I didn't want you to be upset if she said no."
She scoffed. "Well I got to be both in the long run, didn't I? I got surprised and I've been upset ever since that message came in, and like I said, she's not answering my messages and she probably never will now unless she has a specific reason to…like ridicule. I know how she operates; I've known her for sixty-one years…I know how her brain works."
"If you know it all, then why don't we ask why she waited until Monday to say anything about it? Why would she do that?"
"Because she was deciding on how to play it, Rick," she said sharply. "What part of vindictive don't you understand? And let's not forget that I have no idea what all you said to her that she might've taken offense too…hell she might've taken offense to just the fact that you walked through her door; and how dare you go to her office and air our dirty laundry, for that matter!"
"The door was closed, no one heard."
"I don't give a damn if the door was closed; you had no right to go there and say anything!"
"Yeah, you've mentioned that. I'm sorry I tried to do something nice for you. It won't ever happen again, because clearly you're someone that no one can please, except Jim…because he's blind to your faults and everything he does for you is wrapped up in rainbows and roses. You're the reason this family isn't happy," he declared. "It's not me, it's not my mother, it's not Alexis, it's not Kate. It's you…and you know what; sometimes I do wish you had stayed in Wyoming, because our lives were a hell of a lot more peaceful when you weren't around to make an issue out of everything. Everyone has to jump through hoops for you. I've been going through this whole thing to clear the air, to make things better, because I didn't want a third bad in-law experience…but nothing is good enough for you."
"We would've been fine if you had just stayed out of this part of my business, Rick," Johanna stated. "My relationship with my sister is my personal business and you have no right to meddle in it. Stay out of my business and everything will be fine."
"Fine; Johanna, if that's how you want it. I'll stay out of your business…and you can stay out of ours. Does that suit you? Because I kind of think that's what you want. You like being distant so you can hang on to your martyr status. You only show up at these lunches for Kate's sake and because you think I have a hidden agenda…"
"I've never denied either one of those things," she stated.
"Of course not; that's that virtue of honesty you cling to…while ignoring the fact that you also lie…you've told big lies. You even lie about going to therapy. All I tried to do was be nice; tried to get your sister to come around, thinking it might make you see me in a better light, that you might be grateful and decide to accept me."
"I accepted you long ago," she said tersely; "And which story is it, Rick? You went to Colleen for me or you went to score some points for yourself? You can't seem to keep it straight."
Castle shook his head. "You know what; it doesn't matter, because no matter the reason; you can't see it for what it is. You can't just accept that I was trying to do something nice for you. You have to turn into some crime, another reason to be what you are now and what you've been for the last two years. You are definitely a mother-in-law, Johanna; no doubt about it."
She opened her mouth to defend herself, to remind him that today's incident was of his own making and he was trying to shove the blame onto her; but it felt like it would be futile. He had made up his mind about her long ago and they both knew it. She picked her phone up from the table and tucked it in her purse; pulling out a few dollars and laying them on the table as she did so to pay for her tea. She then hooked her purse over her shoulder and picked up her coat; sliding out of the booth without a word and walking away.
Castle didn't try to stop her; he knew it would be useless…knew he had crossed more than one line and had most likely single handily obliterated everything he had accomplished…just like Kate had said he would. He should've heeded Kate's warning about seeking out her aunt…but he hadn't really thought that Colleen would rat him out like that. He also hadn't figured that Johanna would see the act as a betrayal…especially where the words she had written were concerned. She'd probably be on the phone with Kate as soon as she got home…it was going to be a long day.
"Mr. Castle; we meet again," Colleen Weston stated as Castle stepped into her office and closed the door later that afternoon.
"Sooner than I thought and not in circumstances I expected," he remarked somewhat tartly.
"Are you in need of a decorator?" she asked; dropping her pen on her desk as she leaned back in her chair to regard him, a glitter of something he couldn't name sparkling in her eyes.
"No, I'm not; and I think you know that…besides, if I did need a decorator, I wouldn't pick one who has a reputation for bad taste."
"Oh, someone's testy today," Colleen quipped. "If you're not in need of my skills; what are you here for?"
"I think you know the answer to that too."
She shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not; maybe you better state your business so we can be sure."
Castle moved closer to her desk; his gaze boring into hers. "I specifically asked you not to tell Johanna that I had come here."
Colleen smiled. "I know."
"Then why did you tell her?"
"Well I figured if you were going to use me to score some points with your mother-in-law; I'd use you to score me some points with my sister."
"I wasn't using you," he retorted.
"You were," she replied. "If you were on good terms with Johanna, you wouldn't give me a second thought. You only came here because you think you can win her affection though me."
"That's not true! I just wanted to give her something she wants. What's your excuse for what you did?"
Colleen looked him in the eye. "I felt like my sister had a right to know that her trust was misplaced. I knew she'd appreciate me letting her know…because if there's one thing my sister hates, it's a liar…and if there's one thing I hate, it's being used. So I'd say you're probably paying for both crimes in one fell swoop."
"And that pleases you?" he asked.
She smiled. "I'm a little tickled about it, if you want the truth. I figure you must have a healthy dose of comeuppance coming for you, Mr. Castle…and I thought maybe I could serve it up in a way my sister can't. You see, I know Jo a lot better than you do…and I know her love for Katie probably keeps her lips zipped at certain times; but since you're not connected to any of my children, I don't have to feign loyalty to you. You stood here in my office and admitted that you've apparently earned my sister's ire; you even alluded to the fact that she was pushed out of her own daughter's wedding…and that you and my niece kicked me off the guest list even though my sister wanted me there. I found that quite hurtful, Mr. Castle; I do love my niece, and whatever there is between Jo and I, is ours; it has nothing to do with Katie. You could've sent the invitation; you could've let me decide if I came or not…and I would have; but you took the option away from me. You hurt my sister by shoving her away and disregarding her suggestions. Did it ever occur to you that maybe we might've spoken to each other at that wedding…that maybe it would've opened the door a little wider if I had known that I was welcome?"
"We just thought it would be best; we didn't want any drama…but ended up with a bunch anyway," Castle said irritably. "In fact, the memory still lingers."
Colleen grinned. "My sister forgets nothing…that's why she can remember clear back to the day I came home from the hospital…although you had no right to give me those pages she had written."
"I gave them to you so you'd know that she loves you," he seethed.
Colleen leaned forward, her blue eyes as cold as ice. "I already know that my sister loves me. I know it every time I open my door and find a package on my porch. I knew it went she set up an email account that doesn't have her name on it so that I can contact her when I want to. I knew it when she wrote her phone number in a birthday card. I've known it all my life; I know her in ways you can't even begin to imagine. I don't need you to tell me that my sister loves me; I know it as easily as I know the sky is blue. But when you printed off those pages and handed them to me, when she allowed you to see them in confidence, which you pretty much confirmed when you said she'd kill you if she knew; to me that was an act of betrayal toward her. That was like cracking open her diary and saying 'look what she said about you on this day; look what she said about this'. Those were her private thoughts…that she felt like she could share with you; and you betrayed her trust. She has a right to know that you go behind her back and do things that she wouldn't want you to do. So I think you're getting something now that's been a long time coming."
"How do you figure?" he said angrily. "Things were already bad between Johanna and I."
"I figure because of your desperation to give her a grand gesture…because you seem to think her affection is for sale. Well, let me tell you something, my sister doesn't sell her love, she gives it freely. If you've committed a multitude of sins to get you to this point with her, then you're not going to be able to 'buy' your way out of it so to speak. She's not stupid; she went to an Ivy League school; she dealt with crooks, cons and criminals in a courtroom all day and you think you can pull the wool over her eyes? Guess again, Mr. Castle. My sister doesn't get played for a fool too often…especially not by the likes of someone like you. You're not trying to do this for her or me; you're doing it for yourself."
"I wasn't trying to buy her affection. I was tying to fix things so she could be happy."
"I bet she's not too happy right now, is she?"
"No, she isn't," he said sharply; "And I guess you feel like you somehow won."
Colleen smiled. "Well, I did beat you at your own game and got myself a very nice note from my sister, thanking me for my information and for still having her back despite everything. I'm sure she didn't thank you…so yeah; I think I won."
He shook his head. "You and Johanna deserve each other, you know that?"
"Why is that, Mr. Castle?" she asked; "Because we don't fall at your feet and buy into your bullshit? My sister and I don't take anyone's bullshit; we never have; we're McKenzies, we don't beg, we don't crawl; we don't kiss anyone's ass. You're problem is, you thought you could bring her her little sister and she'd easily forget about any wrong you've done to her and you'd have her right where you want her, a nice docile mother-in-law who will sing your praises and be president of your fan club. Johanna McKenzie doesn't forget…and she doesn't do docile; so you're barking up the wrong pair of Jimmy Choo's for that. You can't bend her to your will and you can't bend me to your will…we're McKenzies, we don't bend for any man but the man we marry; the rest we tell to go to hell."
"I'm starting to see that the attitude must be a hereditary condition in your family," Castle said tartly; "Because if you dyed your hair dark and wore green contacts; I'd swear she was sitting in front of me right now."
"I hope you don't think I'm offended by the comparison," Colleen retorted; "Because I'm not. You're pissed off because you got busted. You're pissed off because you want to think that my sister and I are characters in one of your books and you can play with our lives and put us where you want, make us act how you want…well you can't. We're not your characters, our lives aren't your plotline; and we don't take your orders. You don't get to go around and betray her trust and have people say nothing about it. If you've screwed up so badly that she isn't fond of you, then you take it like a man and deal with it. You don't get back in her good graces by going behind her back and doing something she didn't give you permission to do on her behalf."
"Since when are you Johanna's advocate?" Castle asked. "You're the one who told a reporter that she was forever dead to you. You're the one that had one hissy fit after another when she first came home. You're the one who doesn't even try to make things better with her because you don't want to anger your husband who thinks she's a blemish upon your family…and you want to sit there and lecture me?"
"Johanna doesn't need an advocate," Colleen stated; "She takes care of herself…but when she can't, because she doesn't know someone is stabbing her in the back; then as her sister, I have to do it. Blood is thicker than water, Mr. Castle…she's my blood; you're nothing. She's my sister…you're just the man who apparently thinks he's better than her. You're not; just for the record. You think you know everything about Johanna and I; you don't know anything. You only want to reunite us, so to speak, because you think it means she'll wipe the slate clean and adore you as a saint or something."
"That's not true."
"I think it is…but Jo's not that easy," Colleen said with a shake of her head. "She's never been easy…she makes you work for what you want from her."
"I know all about Johanna's rules and tactics," he said sharply. "I was just trying to do something nice; something that would make her happy and bring more healing to the family. Did I hope that she might appreciate the effort, I made; yeah, I did hope so…just like I hoped that I could trust you to keep your mouth shut if you weren't going to come around and see her."
"You mean you trusted me like my sister trusted you?" she replied with a smirk. "Looks, like that came back to bite you."
Castle smirked at her. "You know; maybe she's better off without you. You'd probably stab her in the back yourself to get even with her for leaving you when she went into hiding. So you know what, leave things as they are, because Johanna has enough stubborn ideas without you egging her on and then hurting her all over again when you eventually turn on her to serve up more of your brand of comeuppance."
"If I want to see my sister, I will," Colleen stated. "You don't make the rules."
Castle shook his head. "I guess this what I get for being nice."
"No, it's what you get for doing things without asking first…and for not apologizing for the slights you helped to dole out."
"Really?" he asked; "You threw me under the bus because you're mad that you were scratched off the guest list for the wedding?"
"Partly," she replied honestly; "The rest of it was for Jo…because you're messing in things you have no business messing in…and I feel like I owed it her to have her back on this one."
Anger filled his veins as he stepped back from the desk. "Rest assured, Mrs. Weston; I'll never mess in your business again. I don't care if you and Johanna ever see each other; like I said, maybe she's better off without you…although I think you might be just like each other and you certainly deserve each other. It makes me glad I never met your parents."
"Don't blame our mother," Colleen stated. "Our father made us McKenzies…we don't lower our heads or bow down to anyone unless we want to."
"Keep your pride then," he spat; "You both can; you're both too damn stubborn for your own good. You don't want to change and neither does your sister. You two love animosity and drama; you thrive on it…it gives you something to bitch about, a woe is me tale to share with the girls on ladies night. You both like to play the victim."
A sardonic smile crossed her lips. "I have a feeling, Mr. Castle; that when things don't go your way, you feel like a victim yourself…don't you?"
His jaw tightened and he bit his tongue to keep from unleashing a torrent of words that would only add to Colleen's glee. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Mrs. Weston; it won't happen again…but the offer still stands if you decide you do want to see your sister."
"Have a nice day, Mr. Castle; please give my love to Katie," Colleen said lightly as if she was unbothered by the whole thing.
"I don't think she wants it," he replied as he opened the door. "Johanna might, but I don't think Kate cares either way."
Colleen shrugged. "It is what it is; my own daughter hates me, I don't lose sleep over it."
"I guess we're going to have to take back Johanna's mother of the year award and give it to you."
"Hey," Colleen said sharply; "Don't you ever insinuate that my sister is a bad mother! Next to Naomi McKenzie, Johanna Beckett is the best mother there is. She loves her daughter with every fiber of her being; she was made to be a mother. She offered to raise my baby if I didn't want to do it. I don't know who the hell you think you are but I hope you learn a few hard lessons one day and I hope my sister is the one who delivers them to you on a silver platter."
"I'm sure she'd jump at the chance," he remarked. "Have a nice day."
With that said, he slammed the door shut behind him and headed for the elevator.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jim asked the evening as he sat down on the sofa and put an arm around his wife.
"Nothing," Johanna said softly.
"You look sad…and you know I hate when you look sad."
"I'm fine."
"I'm not so sure about that; you're doing on of your routines you have when you're sad."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You have a few little routines when you're sad," Jim replied. "You make brownies with peanut butter icing…and you've ate three of them so far, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it usually starts the bell ringing. You ordered food for dinner…and we ate it here in the living room. After dinner, you curled up here on the couch with your favorite blanket and Scarlett cuddled close…you're binge watching Dr Quinn."
She couldn't deny those things; after all, Scarlett was curled up on her lap, purring contently beneath her palm, Dr Quinn was on the TV screen…she was considering a fourth brownie and they had ordered food for dinner and ate it in the living room. "It's just been a bad day," she told her husband.
"You've been a little off since yesterday," he said, brushing back a lock of her hair.
"I guess I'm just tired."
Jim shook his head. "No, you're not…don't lie to me, Jo. It brings back bad memories and I'll think…."
"It's nothing like that!"
"Then what is it? You know can tell me. Is it work? One of the students, a colleague?"
"No; work is fine, the kids are good and my colleagues are respectful."
He thought for a moment. "Is it me? Did I do something to upset you?"
"No; you'd know if it was you," she remarked with a slight smile.
He gave a quiet laugh. "That's probably true. Is it Katie?"
"No."
"Then what is it?"
Johanna carefully reached for her phone on the coffee table, doing her best not to disturb Scarlett who showed no signs of wanting to move, not that she minded. She pulled up Colleen's email and handed the phone to her husband. "From my sister," she murmured.
Jim read the message and Johanna's replies, begging her sister to respond and say that she believed her. There was no response so far, which he knew must be eating her alive, not to mention that clearly someone had meddled in her business.
"Did you ask Rick to talk to Colleen?" he asked; wanting to make sure he had the facts straight.
Johanna met his eye. "No; and when he wants to pick at that topic, I tell him I don't want to talk about it. I would've never asked him to do that…I don't even ask you to do it. I don't ask Frankie to do it, and if someone was going to go advocate on my behalf, our brother would probably be the first person to send…no offense."
"None takes; Frankie would make sense in that position; he's known both of you since the day you were born."
"Exactly; and I don't ask him to take that on either. I don't ask anyone…I figure that's my thing to handle…and I know she doesn't believe that I didn't send him."
"We don't know that for sure," he replied as he tugged her back into the circle of his arm.
"She won't answer my messages and I can't keep sending them because then I'll be pushy," she said; her voice thick with emotion.
"You know Colleen; she's probably trying to make you sweat it out."
She sniffled. "It's taken me two years to get to this place where we can trade the occasional email or text. I don't push…I take what she gives and I give what she allows. It wasn't perfect; the contact wasn't constant; just a message once a month or so…but at least I felt like I had a little piece of her…that there was hope for more one day. Now I might've lost that…for something I didn't even do."
"Did you confront Rick about it?"
"Yeah; today at lunch."
Jim nodded. "I forgot it was Tuesday. What happened?"
"He doesn't think I have a right to be upset that he went behind my back and did this; I shouldn't be upset that he gave what I wrote to her. He says he was just being nice and trying to give me something I wanted. I do want my sister but I didn't ask him to get involved and I didn't want him involved…and I sure as hell didn't give him permission to let everyone read what I had written."
"I know; you tried his advice and you let him read what you wrote in confidence…has he given it to anyone else?"
"Apparently Katie has read it and Alexis too."
"What about Martha?"
"She wasn't mentioned but it wouldn't surprise me. I asked him for a defense of what he had done and he just says 'she wasn't supposed to tell you'…like that makes it better."
"Did Katie know he was doing this?"
She shook her head. "No; she didn't know."
"Does she know now; did you call her?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I figure by not calling her, he'll end up burying himself…because she'll ask about lunch; and if he lies, she'll know it and she'll force it out of him."
"Smart move," Jim commented as she shifted a bit to lay her head on his shoulder. "What else did he say during this confrontation?"
"He said he thought if I had my sister back; I'd be better?"
"Better?"
"Yeah," she whispered, a tear finally breaking free. "He said maybe if I had my sister, I'd be better at life…I'd be happier and more open to healing."
"I wasn't aware that you were unhappy and unhealed," Jim said, his voice taunt with tension.
"I wasn't aware of it either," she replied. "I've been very happy for awhile now…of course I want Colleen around but it's not like anything in my life hinges on it the way he makes it seem. When I brought up the pages I wrote about Colleen, he said it's not like I stamped top secret on the pages. Nothing in those pages is a secret, but they're my thoughts, memories and feelings…they're mine; no one else has a right to share what's mine…why am I being made out to be wrong about that? Like I told him, he wouldn't like it if I leaked something from his book; but he said that's different."
"Yeah; it always is with him, isn't it?"
"That's what I said. I tried to explain that Colleen is the type of person who could hold those pages over my head…because you know she will if it suits her."
"Oh I know," Jim agreed; "She's got that vindictive streak."
"We kept arguing about him going there and giving her what I wrote; he said I at like he committed a crime and that no one can ever do something for me. He said the only person I accept anything from is you and that's because you're blind to my faults and wrap everything up in rainbows and roses. He said Martha's right; I'm a pretentious snob who wants everything my way or no way. Nothing is ever good enough and nothing ever pleases me. He says I always play the victim and I'm the reason this family isn't happy…that sometimes he wishes I had stayed in Wyoming because life was more peaceful then."
Jim did his best to keep his anger in check…his anger could wait; for now he needed to take care of his wife. "He's wrong on so many levels," he stated; "And he's an ass for saying those things to you…and for the record; no one else wishes you were still in hiding; there wasn't peace without you. There was just a big empty hole in lives of the people who love you. You're not the reason for unhappiness in this family; because I know for a fact that you and I are pretty damn happy together…we've been checking off things on that list you made when you came home, we've been doing everything we said we'd be doing at this stage of our lives. I'm always happy when I'm with you; and I know you're happy with me."
"That's the truth," she whispered.
"You and Katie have been doing pretty good the last several months…I'd say she's happy with you; that the two of you have found a balance. I know your brother is happy to have you back, so is Valerie and your nieces and nephews…your brother-in-law; our friends. If there's some kind of unhappiness that he finds so unbearable; maybe he needs to look at himself and his actions before he starts assigning all the blame to you."
"He said everyone has to jump through hoops for me; that he started doing this lunch thing so he wouldn't have a third bad mother-in-law and nothing he does is good enough. Apparently nothing I do is good enough either…I've been showing up, I've been letting him pick at things that don't need picked. I went to dinner when invited; I've gone to extra lunches; I let him sit in my class…and it's like none of those things mean anything. I never have a right to my feelings in his mind. I'm always wrong."
"You're not always wrong," he consoled; "And you're not a pertinacious snob either; and if that's what Martha thinks, as he stated; she can go to hell. Did you tell him where to get off?"
"No…after I was told what a terrible person I am and that I'm definitely a mother-in-law; I got up and left. There didn't seem to be anything left to say."
"I'm glad you walked out on him," Jim said he pressed a kiss to her head. "I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry that your relationship with your sister now hangs in the balance. You should've told me sooner, sweetheart."
"I didn't want you to call Katie," Johanna said softly. "I didn't want him tipped off."
"I understand…but I am sorry you were hurt."
"You know; he said he was sorry…but it was one of those 'sorry I got caught and you're not taking it the way I think you should' type of apologies."
"I know the ones."
"If it had been a more sincere kind of apology, I would've accepted it…I'd still be upset because I feel like he broke my trust but I would've accepted the apology. But all he's worried about is telling me that he was just doing something nice and I turn it into a crime."
"You didn't ask him to do it," Jim stated; "Nor would you…if he wanted to do something nice for you, he could've found something that wasn't so sensitive of an issue."
"Yeah; well, that's us and apparently we're not with it or something…and remember; you're blind to my faults."
Her husband shook his head. "I don't think either one of us is blind to each other's faults…but those faults aren't deal breakers for us. We love each other, the good, the bad, the in between. I'm not blind and neither are you…we just know how to make things work, how to get past so called faults because we love each other unconditionally."
"At least we do something right," Johanna whispered. "We've been together in one way or another, for forty-one years now…married for thirty-seven of those years…so we must do something right."
"You're damn right we do," he replied; pressing another kiss to her hair. "But what can I do tonight to make you feel better? Because you know I hate to see my girl sad."
She raised her head to look at him. "Are you finished your work?"
"Yeah; it's taken care of, sweetheart."
"Then you could watch Dr Quinn with me and Scarlett."
He smiled. "Does Scarlett enjoy the good doctor?"
"Of course she does," Johanna said, petting her cat who must've sensed her distress as she had began to rub her head against her chest affectionately. "I'm so glad you picked her."
Jim reached out and petted the cat as well. "When I went into the shelter to find you a kitten; they asked me what kind of cat I was looking for. I said I wanted a kitten for my wife…one that would be playful because you'd want to play with the kitten; and one that would also love a lot of affection and would be happy on your lap. The woman took me back to this one cage and said I might find what I was looking for in that litter of kittens. As soon as I stepped up to the cage, Miss Scarlett here, jumped up in front of the door, meowing, like she was saying "pick me, pick me"," he said with a laugh. "I couldn't resist her…I knew you'd love her."
"I do…she's perfect," she said, catching his lips in a soft kiss as Scarlett rubbed her head against him as well, as if reminding him that she appreciated him picking her.
Jim stole another kiss and gave Scarlett an affectionate pat. "Can I grab a brownie before the next episode starts?"
"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "Would you think less of me if I asked you to bring me one…even though I've already had three?"
"Hell no; it gives me an excuse to bring a whole plate full of brownies."
Johanna gave a soft laugh as she cuddled her cat close; Jim always knew how to make her feel better…he knew how to make all the bad things go away.
While Jim was in the kitchen, he pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped out a text to his son-in-law. "I want to see you for lunch tomorrow; the place you meet Johanna will do just fine. Be there at noon."
With his message sent, he set about putting brownies on the plate and getting fresh drinks. Tonight he'd tend to his wife…tomorrow; he'd set his son-in-law straight on a few things. He had stayed quiet long enough.
Castle was being unusually quiet that evening, Kate mused as she studied him from the doorway of his office. The conversation at dinner had been dominated by Martha and Alexis and afterwards he had retreated to his desk saying that he needed to get some work done…but he didn't seem to be writing like he had been the last few weeks. In fact the usual rapid clicking of keys that she had gotten accustomed to hearing was off balanced…a few clicks here and there…silence, the sharp tap, tap, tap of the backspace button, more silence, then clicking and more tapping. It was a disjointed symphony for sure. Her husband almost seemed like he was waiting for something…like maybe he was waiting for her to catch a new case that would give him some temporary distraction.
"Are you having trouble with your characters tonight?" she asked softly as she approached the desk.
"Hmm?" he asked, flinching slightly at the sudden sound of her voice.
"Are you having trouble with your characters?" she asked again, nodding at his laptop.
"Yeah," Castle answered; "I guess I'm not feeling very inspired tonight."
Kate gave him a small smile. "I know things have been slow with me being in court a lot and it seems to be a down time at the precinct, which is good for the lifespan of the citizens of New York, but somewhat boring for cops and their partners."
"It's to be expected," he replied; wondering why she hadn't chewed him out yet. Surely she knew…he had overlooked her not asking at dinner due to the presence of his mother and daughter but they were both out for the evening now. He hated the wait almost as much as he hated the fight.
Kate picked up a book on his desk. "Did you forget to give back Mom's book?"
"Yeah, I did," he said flatly; figuring he'd have to get it to her somehow. He really wished they could just get on with this.
"You didn't say much at dinner," she remarked as she flipped through the textbook. "Did you go to lunch with Mom?"
Here we go, he thought to himself. "I think you probably already know," he remarked.
Puzzlement flicked across her features and he realized that maybe she didn't know after all.
"What's that supposed to mean?" his wife asked.
His tongue felt awkward as he realized his mistake; he had been so quick to assume that Johanna would've called her immediately that he hadn't once considered that she wouldn't…and that by doing so, he'd end up shooting himself in the foot…which was probably more satisfying than if she loaded the gun herself. It was no wonder the woman had been an attorney; she knew how to play all sorts of games.
"Didn't she call you?" he finally asked.
Kate pinned her gaze upon him, her eyes narrowing slightly as she snapped the book shut and laid it down, her posture became rigid. "No, she didn't call me…why?"
"I just thought she would."
"Castle," she said, her tone becoming clipped. "What happened?"
He sighed. "We had a falling out."
"About what?" she demanded to know.
Castle hesitated. "About her sister."
Kate's jaw tightened. "What did you do? And don't tell me nothing, don't sugar coat it; just tell me all of it…now."
Castle braced himself for his wife's anger and told her everything. He told her about visiting Colleen's office on Friday afternoon and giving her the pages Johanna had written…and how he had asked Colleen not to tell her. He told her about the message that Colleen had sent Johanna…Johanna's unanswered replies and her anger with him. He told her about how he had gotten angry and frustrated by Johanna's lack of understanding that he was just trying to do something nice. He confessed the things he had said and how Johanna had left without even a final word.
When he finished, Kate's eyes blazed with anger. She opened and closed her mouth twice before finally forming a sentence that wasn't a blistering tirade of curse words. "So first of all, you lied to me Friday night when I asked you if you had forgotten that stupid idea about Colleen. You had already seen her that day and you laid there next to me and lied."
"I told you what you wanted to hear because I didn't think that I accomplished anything with Colleen and that she wouldn't contact anyone."
"Don't you give me that 'I told you what you wanted to hear' bull," she yelled. "Call it what it is, you lied to me! You want to call my mother a liar all the time and you're a liar yourself! You didn't tell me a lie because it's what I wanted to hear; you told it because you were hoping your ass was safe and it wasn't. I told you not to go to her. I told you! Why don't you ever listen!?"
"I just wanted to do something nice," Castle replied. "It was just supposed to be a nice gesture."
"I told you not to do it! You don't know Colleen like we do, you don't know how one minute she can be all sweet and loving and the next she's stabbing you in the back and ridiculing your life. Mom is right; when you handed her those papers she wrote, you gave her something to hold over her head. You had no right, Castle. You had no right to give her what Mom had written; that was private, she trusted you. You had no right to talk to Colleen, no right to meddle in their personal business!"
"Why does everyone keep trying to make this out to be some crime?" he bellowed. "What is wrong with your family that no one can accept a kind gesture?"
"A kind gesture is treating someone to a meal, it's letting them borrow a book or taking them somewhere they've always wanted to go. It's agreeing to follow someone home and make sure the house is secure because they're afraid to be out at night…it's not a kind gesture to poke your nose into someone's private business with their sibling. Do you know what you might've cost her?" she asked. "Do you realize that by you going there, you may have obliterated the minuscule relationship that my mother had with her sister, a relationship she was happy to have because it was better than nothing. Did you think about that at all? Do you ever think about anyone's feelings besides your own in that moment when you're concocting one of your schemes?"
"Yes; I was thinking she'd be happy!" he exclaimed.
"Only if it had worked, and it didn't! Why couldn't you just listen to me?"
"Because I didn't think it would be a big deal; if it went well, everyone would be happy and if she wasn't interested, then no one would be the wiser."
"Which just goes to prove that you know nothing about Colleen," Kate retorted. "No one meddles in that, Castle. Dad doesn't poke into it, I don't go messing in it, my uncle doesn't mess in it…that's between Mom and Colleen…and through two years of steady dedication, she got to the point where she could at least exchange an email with her sister. They leave each other notes in little care packages on the porch for special occasions…no, it isn't perfect, and I would think it has to still be somewhat hurtful for Mom…but as long as she's happy with something in that area, then I'm not going to go foul it up for her and you shouldn't have either!"
"I just wanted to help."
"No one asked you to help with that! That is one of those things where you need to wait to be asked…and if your wife says, no, don't do that; you don't go behind her back and do it!"
"I'm sorry," Castle replied; frustration in his tone. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you and I'm extremely sorry that I attempted to do something nice for your mother."
"You want to do something nice for her and then you sit there and you tell her she plays the victim, that you wished she stayed in Wyoming because life was more peaceful without her…that was the coldest thing you could've ever said, Castle! How dare you say something like that to her? You wonder why she doesn't like you, this is why. It's because of the way you treat her…and time and time again, she comes back and tries to do what you want her to do and the first time she gets upset about something and doesn't kiss your ass in gratitude like you think she should, you say hateful things like that to her. You tell her she's the reason for unhappiness in this family…and you have no right to do that; that's your opinion, not mine, you don't speak for me or my father or Alexis or your mother; although I'm sure Martha would agree with you just because she has her own axe to grind against my mother. You want to blame her for everything and you never take responsibility for your own faults in this department…like that time you stood in the hospital and told her she was the cause of everything bad in my life," Kate said, her voice growing strained as she fought against the emotions that were clawing at her.
"Well it does seem that way at times," he said tersely.
"You had no right to say that to her," she told him, a tear breaking free and she silently cursed her hormones for it. "She didn't come and see me for three weeks, Castle. She couldn't bear to look at me with that guilt on her shoulders…she couldn't even talk to me on the phone for more than five minutes. I had to finally go over there and let myself into the house…and I had to listen to her cry and blame herself for everything and it wasn't her fault, but that's what you did to her. You put it in her mind, you put the blame on her and she carries it, because that's how she is, that's how she's been conditioned since childhood. You set up on your high horse and you look down on her, just like she said…well let me tell you something; you're not better than her, you're not better than anyone in my family and it's time you start acting like you know it. You're the one that started this damn lunch campaign…and you keep finding ways to blow it."
"I'll fix it," he said tersely.
"I don't think you can, Castle," Kate replied. "I really don't think you can…and even if you could and she forgave you…you'd still find some fault within her or she'd say something you don't like and you'd be looking down your nose at her again…and I'm getting a little tired of it. I am tired of watching her carry everyone's baggage because she's worried if she doesn't that she'll lose her family. You know, when I found out I was pregnant, I picked up the phone to call her and you asked me not to; you asked me to wait, to give you a chance to fix things so our family would be in a better place by the time this baby was born. I did what you asked; I laid the phone down and said I'd give you time. It would be nice if for once, you could listen to me when I ask something of you…like when I asked you not to go looking for my aunt."
"I'm sorry," Castle replied. "I don't know what else to say, Kate. I'm sorry…I get aggravated with her when I feel like she's not listening."
"Then leave her alone, Rick. Consider your experiment done and leave her alone. You ruined the progress you had made, you possibly ruined her relationship with her sister…and you probably ruined the moment I was hoping to create when I give her our news. So I hope you're happy…your need to stick your nose where it doesn't belong is now the cause of unhappiness in this family," she said more tears sliding down her cheeks.
He figured that was most likely true. "I'm sorry, Kate."
"Yeah; I know," she replied; "I'm sorry too…sorry that you couldn't listen to me for once…especially when it concerns my own family."
"I won't ignore your warnings again," he promised.
She scoffed. "Yeah, you will; because that's who you are, Castle. Sometimes it's endearing…and sometimes it's a pain in the ass. Don't even think about crawling in bed with me tonight; because if you do, I might just shoot you in the ass," she said before storming to their bedroom.
"Kate," he called after her.
She reappeared at the door a moment later, dumping a pillow and blanket on the floor in his office before slamming the door shut and locking it.
Castle frowned as he got up and picked up his pillow and blanket; he knew she'd be mad but he hadn't expected to be put of his bedroom…which meant they'd reached a new milestone in their marriage; that always wonderful "sleep on the couch because you're not sleeping me" milestone. He blew out a breath and tossed his pillow and blanket on a chair for the time being. He wouldn't fight her on it tonight; she was upset and too much upsetting business could be bad for her and the baby and he didn't want that. He could withstand a night on the couch…her wouldn't like it, but he could take it. With that thought in mind, he returned to his desk just as his phone chimed. He grabbed it, grimacing as he saw the new text was from Jim. Upon opening the message, he saw his father-in-law's demand to meet with him the next afternoon. He sighed; when it rained it poured.