Tuesdays with Johanna

by evitascarlett

A Redemption Universe Story: Rick Castle is determined that despite a multitude of misunderstandings and wounded feelings, Johanna Beckett is going to be his "third time is a charm" type of mother-in-law…whether she wants to be or not; because he wants his family to be completely healed and happy before Johanna uncovers the underlying reasons for his mission. CastleFicathon2018

17. Chapter 17

A/N: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 17

The next afternoon, Johanna hurried into the house and made her way to the office to drop her briefcase at her desk, Scarlett meowing at her heels as she went. "I know," she said as sat down the briefcase and then moved back to the door. "I didn't love you up as soon as I got in the door but you'll have to wait a minute."

More meows followed her as she headed upstairs, pulling off her dress coat as she went. "I hear you," she assured; "But I'm running late, Katie's coming."

Her pet didn't seem to care and didn't stop her protests until Johanna stooped down and petted her. "You know I love you, but I'm really running behind. We'll play later okay?" she asked her.

Scarlett gave her what she could only describe as a look of annoyance and then stalked across the bedroom to curl up on the floor in a patch of sunlight that pierced through the curtains. Johanna tossed her coat and purse on the bed and went to the bathroom and then came back, kicking her shoes off by the dresser. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand; she didn't have a lot of time to spare, she thought to herself as she pulled open a drawer and took out a pair of black jeans. She hoped Katie's plans didn't have a dress code, she really didn't want to be out in her work clothes all day. She wanted to be comfortable…and not think about the cool autumn air hitting her legs if she went in the skirt she had worn to work.

She quickly exchanged the skirt for the pair of jeans and then decided the emerald colored silk blouse had to go too. She peeled it off and grabbed a thin pink sweater from the closet and pulled it on, her gaze darting to the clock every few seconds. It would just figure that the day she had plans meant that it would be a day when she had to solve various issues for students. It also figured that the delay her students managed to create for her landed her in traffic as people escaped for their lunch hour. Oh well, there was nothing to be done about it now, she mused as she grabbed a pair of socks and her black suede boots and moved to the chair to put them on.

"Mom," a voice called out from downstairs, the sound of the front door closing echoing behind it.

"I'm upstairs, Katie," Johanna called back, her gaze flicking to the clock again. Her daughter was a little early, she must be anxious.

As she pulled on her socks, she heard her daughter's footsteps on the stairs. Kate soon appeared in the doorway as she pulled on a boot and zipped it. "Sorry, Katie; I'm running a little behind," she said as she looked up and met her daughter's gaze.

"It's alright, I'm a little early," she said as she walked into the room and sat down on the foot of the bed. "Finish doing whatever you have to do."

Johanna pulled on her other boot as Scarlett got up from her place on the floor and trotted over to Kate, meowing as she rubbed against her leg. "Hello to you too, fur ball," Kate said as she reached down and petted her.

"She's mad at me because she knows I'm going out again."

Kate smirked at the cat. "You'll just have to get over it…she was my mommy first; I get dibs."

Johanna laughed as she moved to her vanity to touch up her makeup. "You love telling her that, don't you?"

"Yes; she must always remember that I was here first," Kate said as Scarlett put her paws against her denim clad leg and stood, sniffing her hands.

"She must think you brought her a treat again."

"No treats today, Scarlett. I'll bring you something next time."

The cat meowed and rubbed against her leg once more before retreating back to the patch of sun she had been curled up in. "She loves you," Johanna remarked with a grin.

"I think she's just hoping I bring her more food," Kate remarked.

"No, she loves you.

"She loves you," her daughter replied. "That's why she gets miffed if you disrupt your routine."

Johanna gave a soft laugh as she went to the closet and grabbed a jacket to put on. She zipped it and then moved to the bed to grab her purse, checking to see that her phone and keys were where she remembered shoving them.

"Do you have your glasses if you should need them?" Kate asked.

She nodded. "You know I leave a pair in my purse."

"I know, but you were at work; I assume you have to put them on at times."

"Once in awhile but they're in there. I'm ready to go if you are."

"I'm ready," Kate replied; feeling the flutter of nerves in her stomach. Soon her mother would know her secret…and it occurred to her that the drive to the doctor's office would be the last time that her mother thought of herself as solely a mother…on the trip back, she'd be a mother and a grandmother. Things were changing, for both of them…and in some small ways, their relationship would be changed too; hopefully in better ways although she did feel like they were better than they had been.

"You okay?" Johanna asked, touching Kate's chin as her daughter remained seated.

"Yeah; I was just thinking, that's all. Bye, Scarlett; see you when we get back," she said as she rose from the bed.

The cat raised her head and stared at them. "I promise I'm in for the night when I get back," Johanna said.

Kate couldn't help but laugh as they left the room. "It's pretty bad that you have to explain yourself to the cat."

"Well…she doesn't understand why everyone can't stay home and play with her all day. I have to tell her I'm going out."

"Why? She might worry?"

"You never know, she might," her mother remarked; "Speaking of which, I need to text your father once we get in the car and let him know that you've picked me up."

"Does it ever bother you that he still wants you to report every move?" Kate asked, keeping her tone soft so that her mother wouldn't take it the wrong way.

"No," she answered as they reached the bottom of the stairs and headed for the door. "It's what he needs for his peace of mind and I'm okay with that…it makes me feel more secure too."

"Does he still have the tracker on your phone?"

"Yes; but only because I've asked him to keep the tracking app. I don't think he checks it as often as he did when he first got it; but I don't want him to get rid of it. It makes me feel safe."

"Then he should keep it," Kate said with a nod. "It doesn't seem so bad since it isn't a secret like it was."

"True," her mother said as they stepped out on the porch and she pulled the door shut and made sure it locked.

They grew quiet as they made their way to the car and Kate once again felt the kick of her nerves; hoping this would all go well…that she'd be happy with the news…but she couldn't imagine that she wouldn't be. She'd be happy…it couldn't be any other way.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Johanna asked once they were in the car. "You seem like you have something on your mind."

"I'm fine," she said as she put the key in the ignition.

"You and Rick didn't have words, did you?"

"No, we're fine. He's at meetings today with the publisher about the new series and the Nikki Heat e-book novellas."

Johanna nodded as she took her phone from her purse and texted Jim that she and Kate were leaving the house. "I remember he mentioned to me that he had meetings this week; he said he was hoping they weren't moving up the date for the new book."

"Yeah; I kind of have a feeling they are but we'll see. What had you running behind today?"

She sighed as they pulled away from the house. "Students with issues."

"That paper again?"

"No, today it was the ones who are doing the case projects. Some of them have gotten to that 'bicker with your partner' stage of the project and you know, they want new partners or they want to do it separately and I had to mediate the issue between one group. Then by the time I got done sorting out all of that, I hit traffic coming home."

Kate smiled. "They drive you crazy, don't they?"

"Sometimes."

"But you like the job?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; I still like it. I just don't like it on days when I have plans. I didn't want to make you wait."

"I would've understood, I was early."

"We're you anxious?"

Yes, but she wasn't about to tell her that at the moment. "No, I just got finished getting ready a little sooner than I had expected and decided to come on over. I noticed that Scarlett wasn't limping…I heard about her trip to the vet yesterday."

"Yeah; the little faker," her mother replied. "She's been perfectly fine ever since; which I'm glad for but I didn't really appreciate the three hundred dollar vet bill."

"I'm sure Dad didn't either."

"He told her it's coming out of her cat treat allowance."

"No wonder she was sniffing me, she's hoping I smuggle some in for her," Kate replied with a laugh.

"Most likely."

"Did you text Dad?"

"Yes. Where are we off to first?"

Her stomach churned with nerves and the usual queasiness that she was getting accustomed to. "You'll find out soon enough."

"You're keeping it a secret?"

"Yes, but we'll be there soon. Did Frankie and Valerie get back from their cruise yet?" she asked, figuring she better keep the conversation going or her mother would ask more questions that she wasn't ready to answer yet.

---

A brief lapse in their conversation allowed Johanna to realize that Kate was pulling into the garage of a medical complex. "Katie, why are we at a medical building?"

"Because we have something to do here," Kate replied, grateful that a parking space presented itself quickly.

"What?"

"You'll know soon enough," she told her.

Unease began to fill Johanna as she unhooked her seatbelt. Why would her daughter be taking her to a medical building? She said their outing would be something she liked…anything to do with doctors couldn't be good.

"Katie, what's this about?" she asked as they got out of the car and made their way to the elevator.

"I told you, you'll see soon enough," Kate stated, glad that a listing of doctors in the building wasn't posted near the elevator in the garage as it was in the main lobby of the building. They could bypass that completely and go straight to the third floor, keeping her mother in the dark a little longer.

Johanna tapped her foot the whole elevator ride, agitation filling her as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. "What are we doing here?" she asked her daughter as she followed her down the hallway, her worry distracting her from the nameplates near the doors they past and the one they finally came to that Kate pushed open.

"I have an appointment," she replied; "Sit down while I check in."

Johanna did as she was told but she felt queasy as her worries made her think the worst. She barely registered the sound of Kate giving her name at the window and being told that they'd be with her in a few minutes. Something was going on…and she didn't know what it was but she couldn't stand being in the dark about it especially if something was wrong with her daughter.

Kate moved away from the window and settled down in the chair next to her mother, glad to see that there were only two other people in the spacious waiting room.

"Katie; why are we here? Does this have to do with you being sick so much lately?"

"You could say that."

Impatience flickered in Johanna's eyes. "If something's wrong, I want to know about it now…don't do this to me."

"Nothing's wrong, Mom; I promise."

"Then why are we here and what does it have to do with you being sick? Are we waiting on test results? What do they think it is? Whatever it is, we'll get a second opinion."

She gave a soft laugh. "Relax, Mom; I'm fine…we have a reason for being here but it's not a bad one."

"Then what the hell is it?' she asked, an ounce of motherly firmness seeping into her tone.

Kate opened up her purse and took out a small object wrapped in tissue paper. "Here, I got you a present."

Puzzlement furrowed Johanna's brow as she took the gift out of reflex. "I'm asking you why we're here and you're changing the subject?"

"Just open it," she told her; "Trust me."

Johanna blew out a soft breath of irritation as she pulled at the tape holding the pink tissue paper in place. When it finally fell away, she found herself holding a small silver picture frame. "A picture frame?" she asked. "It's very nice…but I'm not sure I understand."

Kate smiled. "I figured you'd need it."

"Why?"

"Because I figure you'll be the type of grandmother who will frame the sonogram," she answered, a smile spreading across her lips.

Johanna stared at her for the space of a heartbeat; surely she had heard that wrong. "What?"

"You'll be that type of grandmother, won't you? The type who frames the sonogram until you have an actual baby picture to put in the frame?"

She opened her mouth to speak twice but words wouldn't come to her lips as the words sunk into her brain. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" she asked, her heart starting to pound.

Kate took her hand and placed it against her stomach. "Yes…you're going to be a grandmother…just like you've been wanting."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Really?"

"Really," she answered. "You don't know how hard it's been to wait until the right moment to tell you."

"You're going to have a baby," Johanna murmured, her gaze dropping to the hand that Kate still held pressed between hers and her stomach.

"Yes, that's what the doctor told me," she laughed.

"I'm going to be a grandmother?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah…what do you think?"

A soft sob tore from her throat even as a smile touched her lips. "I think it's wonderful…the best news I can imagine," Johanna said as she pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you, sweetheart."

"And happy for you?" she quipped.

"Definitely happy for me," her mother said, her voice clogged with emotion. "How long have you known?"

"Well…it's been a few weeks."

"A few weeks!" Johanna declared pulling back from her. "You've known for weeks and you're just now telling me?"

She had to play with her a little, she couldn't help herself. "When was I supposed to tell you?"

"As soon as the stick turned blue."

"The one I used had two lines."

"Then you should've told me then!" she exclaimed. "Am I the last to know?"

"No! I told Rick no one could know until I told you…you're the first to know besides us. I wanted to tell you right away but he asked me not to…"

"I'll kill him," Johanna stated.

Kate laughed. "You can't do that, my baby needs its father."

"Then why didn't he want me to know?"

"Because he wanted time to fix things with you."

Johanna sighed. "So that's what it's been? The reason for the lunches?"

"Yeah."

"He could've saved himself a lot of money and just let you tell me that I'm getting a grandbaby."

"He didn't think that would solve anything."

"Yes, it would have; I can forgive almost anything as long as I'm compensated with grandchildren."

"I kind of mentioned that," Kate admitted. "He said he wanted it to be for the right reasons…but I got tired of waiting, especially with his setbacks on his little campaign and I told him I was telling you this week."

Johanna shook her head, her fingertips brushing across the picture frame on her lap, it was hard to believe…something that had seemed in the distance only last night was now here…and she couldn't be any happier about it.

"You're not mad are you?" her daughter asked.

"No," she smiled; "Of course not…I'm just…it's just the last thing I was expecting at the moment and I'm trying to let it sink in. I thought from the way you were talking the last few weeks that you were trying for a baby."

"I know, I guess I did give that impression…I almost slipped up a few times and told you; it really wasn't easy for me to keep it from you…but do you remember when you told me that it happens when you least expect it?"

"Yeah."

"You were right."

Johanna smiled. "You were surprised too, huh?"

"Very."

"It's the best surprise though, right?" her mother asked.

She smiled somewhat shyly. "Yeah; it is…also a little terrifying."

Johanna took her hand. "I remember that feeling well…and it's okay to feel that way. When are we going to meet her?"

"Her?"

Johanna gave her a sheepish smile. "The baby…when are we going to meet her? When is she due?"

"We don't know that it's a she," Kate replied.

"It will be if wishes come true…and clearly wishes come true," her mother quipped. "Now, give me a date."

"May; but the reason we're here is for the first sonogram to confirm the due date, she originally told me May 18th but she told me that could change based on the sonogram."

Happiness bubbled up within her. "Am I going to see it with you?"

"Of course you're going to see it; I didn't bring you to leave you sit in the waiting room," Kate laughed. "I want you to be right there with me."

She pulled her into another hug. "I'm so happy about this baby…and that I get to go back with you and see it…so to speak."

"I'm glad you're here too, Mom," she whispered, hugging her tighter as she thought about the years she had spent thinking she'd go through these milestones without her.

"Will Rick be mad that you brought me?" Johanna asked; "Or is he on his way so he can be here too?"

Kate shook her head. "He couldn't make this appointment because of his meetings with the publishers; they wouldn't reschedule because he couldn't give them a good reason…we decided to keep it among family and friends for awhile so we don't want his publisher to know yet in case they'd leak the information."

"I understand that…but he might get upset."

"No, he won't; when we discussed the fact that he couldn't be here, he told me to bring you, it was his idea. He said there was no one better to be here with me than you if he can't be here himself. He said he owed you one…that you'd see that he really does want you here in the baby's life, in our lives."

Her chin quivered with emotion. "Okay, I forgive him for telling you not to tell me."

Kate laughed softly. "That will be a relief to him; but honestly, it was his idea…I had my own idea for how to tell you; I was going to have the sonogram in the frame when I gave it to you but he said it was better for you to get a sneak peek in person."

"Do I still get a copy of it?"

"Yes; you have to have a copy to put in the frame…you're crying your makeup off."

"I don't care," Johanna declared as she reached into her purse for tissues to wipe her face. "They're happy tears…and I haven't had enough of those is a long time."

"You're really happy?" her daughter asked; the soft note of needing reassurance in her tone.

"Of course I am, sweetheart; how could I not be? I've been looking forward to this for a long time, you know that."

She smiled, leaning into her mother once more. "I just wanted to be sure."

"My happiness and love for this baby will know no bounds," Johanna murmured as she pressed a kiss against her daughter's hair. "I'm going to love it just as much as I love you…and that's more love than you can possibly imagine."

"You're going to make me cry," Kate whispered as her eyes welled with tears.

"Good, then I won't be crying alone and looking like a crazy person."

She laughed. "Maybe we should not cry until after we're through with the sonogram."

"I'll try to pull it together but I'm not making any promises once I see that baby on the screen," Johanna replied. "And you're probably going to cry too when you see it…I know I cried when I saw you on that screen."

"I do seem to cry easily lately," Kate admitted.

"Hormones."

"Yeah, they're a bitch."

"They are…but so worth it," her mother replied. "Just think, we we're a mother-daughter duo; and now we're going to be a trio."

"We don't know if it's a girl."

"Don't ruin my moment, Katie."

She grinned. "You're spending too much time around Rick; that's a similar version of one of his all time favorites; don't ruin my story with your logic."

"In this case, I'm going to side with him on that," she replied.

"Are you going to be disappointed if it turns out to be a boy?"

"No, of course not; I'll love it just as much…and I can just see your father tossing him a ball as soon as he learns to stand."

"That sounds like something he would do."

"It will be…he was teaching you as soon as you could stand."

Before Kate could comment further, the door opened and the nurse called her name. "Come on," she said, grabbing her mother's hand. "It's time for our sneak peek."

---

Johanna stayed quiet as she and Kate followed the nurse into the room where the sonogram would be done. "Who do you have with you today," the nurse asked Kate after asking her the standard questions about her wellbeing.

"My Mom," Kate answered, a small smile on her lips.

The nurse smiled. "Grandmothers are always anxious to get a peek."

"Bringing her was my way of telling her she's going to be a grandmother," Kate replied, squeezing her mother's hand.

"That's a sweet way to do it," the nurse said, her gaze moving to Johanna. "Were you surprised?"

"Very," Johanna replied; "But it's the best surprise I've had in a long time."

"Is it your first grandchild?"

"Yes," she said, unable to keep the smile from spreading across her lips.

"That makes it even more special," the nurse stated. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Johanna answered, taking Kate's purse and jacket as her daughter handed them to her.

"The doctor will be in in a few minutes, Kate," the nurse told her.

"We'll be here," she replied.

Johanna settled down in the chair as Kate perched on the bed. "Are you excited?" she asked her daughter softly.

"Yeah…but kind of nervous too."

She reached for her hand. "What's worrying you?"

Kate shrugged, feeling a surge of emotion. "Just…what if she finds something wrong once she sees the baby on the screen?"

Johanna gave a soft shake of her head. "Nothing's going to be wrong, honey; everything will be fine. Have you had any issues that make you feel like something might be wrong? Any bleeding or pain?"

"No; nothing like that, I would've gone to the hospital."

"Okay, then nothing to worry about in that area. You've been sick and telling me it's a virus, but I'm assuming it's been morning sickness."

"Yeah, but at the moment it seems to strike a lot at night."

Johanna smiled. "Yeah, the name is a bit deceiving, isn't it?"

"Definitely."

"I thought it should be called all day sickness," her mother replied. "But I've always heard that if you're sick a lot in the beginning, it means a healthy baby."

"I'd say I'm sick a lot at night," Kate stated.

"I'm sure it's going to be a healthy baby," Johanna assured, giving her hand a soft squeeze. "But it's normal to be nervous…every time I went to the doctor, I was a nervous wreck when he'd look for your heartbeat…even when I could feel you moving while he was doing it, I'd worry about it. It's all a part of the job, sweetheart. The worries start now and they never go away…not even when it's all grown up and having a baby of its own."

Kate gave her a wobbly smile. "You've been waiting on my payback, haven't you?"

"Yes," Johanna said with a smile but her eyes glistened with tears. "But Grandmothers worry too."

"I figured as much."

"It's always worth it though," she stated.

Kate met her eye. "I'm probably going to drive you crazy."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because…every little symptom so far, all I've been able to think, despite what I was told at my last appointment and Castle's Googling, was that I wanted you…I wanted to ask you, I wanted your reassurance…"

"You should've called me."

"I wanted to…but Castle asked me to wait…and a part of me hated agreeing to it but he really wanted to try."

"I understand that," Johanna replied; "But as a wife myself, I just want you to know that when your husband tells you not to do something, that's usually when you should do it."

She laughed softly. "Like when Dad told you not to bring home more shoes so you went out and bought two pairs of heels and a pair of boots?"

"Yes, exactly like that. He gets funny every now and then and tries to tell me what to do. Before we were married, he hated this one outfit of mine I used to wear to work. He kept telling me to throw it out, it was too prissy, he hated it. He couldn't stand it, don't wear it anymore…and I kept wearing it until…"

"Until what?" Kate asked.

"Until he took it."

Her brow rose. "How he'd do that?"

Johanna shook her head. "I shouldn't have told that story, I just remembered how it ended."

"Which means what?" Kate asked.

"You don't want to know."

"You can't start a story and end it like that."

"Not in front of the baby."

"I don't even know if the baby has ears yet," her daughter retorted; "But either way, I'm sure it won't remember the conversation."

"He took it," Johanna stated.

"He took it? Like he broke into your apartment and took it?"

"No."

Kate studied her for a moment and then closed her eyes. "Oh…he took it off of you…in a literal sense."

"Yeah…and then threw it away before I got up in the morning."

"For God's sake," her daughter muttered. "Are you two going to get a new hobby now that you're going to be grandparents?"

"Hell no," Johanna replied; "Eventually this is all going to sink in an age related way and I'm probably going to need to be consoled…and prove that I'm not old."

"Oh my God," Kate murmured as she shook her head. "I think you two have been proving it ever since you got back from Wyoming."

"We're lawyers, we like proof."

"Yeah, apparently that's not all you like."

Johanna blushed. "Shut up; you're the one who's pregnant. You didn't get that way from drinking out of the same cup."

Kate laughed. "You were pregnant once."

"I know, the reminder is laughing at me and telling me to get new hobbies…not that I'm listening to her."

"Dad will be happy to hear that."

"You can bet on that."

"Since I already know the worst of it; how did you feel when you learned the outfit was gone?"

"Well…it was kind of a challenge thing that he won and so that was his prize," she said, her gaze darting away.

"And you didn't mind that he saw it through?"

"No; I'd say he earned it."

Kate sighed. "I've got to stop asking questions."

"I think I might've told you that one day when you were three; clearly you didn't listen."

"Asking questions is in the blood; it comes from having lawyers as parents."

"Sure, blame it on us," Johanna replied; "Just give it a few years and that baby who may or may not be able to hear us at the moment will be blaming you for something and I'm going to laugh."

"Oh I have no doubt," Kate said with a smile.

A knock sounded on the door and then the doctor pushed it open and stepped inside. "How are you doing today, Kate?" Doctor Jensen asked.

"I'm okay," she answered; "Just a little anxious to do this."

"That's understandable," she replied before glancing at Johanna. "This must be your mother, you look just like her."

"Yeah; she is…I get that a lot."

"I bet you do," the doctor said before introducing herself to Johanna. "How do you feel about becoming a grandmother?"

"I'm very happy…I've been waiting patiently," Johanna replied.

Doctor Jensen glanced at Kate. "Is that true, has she been patient?"

She nodded. "Yes, she has been patient…she's mentioned it once in awhile but not in a pushy way."

"It's not often I hear that," the doctor admitted with a smile. "Will your husband be joining us, do we need to wait?"

"No; he can't make it this time. He has meetings he couldn't get out of."

"I see," Doctor Jensen replied; "So Grandma got called in for the first glimpse of this little one."

"Yeah, she just found out in the waiting room that she's getting her wish to be a grandmother," Kate remarked.

"I guess that explains why you both look like you've been crying."

"Happy tears," Johanna replied with a smile.

"Oh I'm sure of that," the woman replied before instructing Kate to lay down and how to arrange her clothes as she settled down on the stool on the other side of the bed and turned on the equipment.

Kate stretched her fingers out to her mother as the doctor spread the gel across her bare stomach. Johanna took her hand, holding it tightly as they watched the doctor pick up the handheld device and put it against her stomach. "We're going to see if we can find the heartbeat," the doctor stated.

Kate nodded; her hand tightening around Johanna's even more as the doctor slowly moved the probe against her stomach. Nerves filled them both as they waited silently. Finally, a sound filled the air and Johanna's breath caught. "There it is," she murmured.

The doctor smiled and gave a nod as Kate's gaze sought her. "There it is."

"Oh," Kate breathed, taking in the sound. It didn't sound as she had expected and her brow creased with worry. "Is it supposed to sound like that?"

"Yes," the doctor replied; "I assure you it's the normal sound."

Nerves still fluttered in her stomach as she saw her mother reaching for her phone with her unoccupied hand. "Is it…is it a good heartbeat?"

"Yes," Doctor Jensen replied. "It's a good heartbeat, in the normal range for this stage of pregnancy."

"Mom, what are you doing?" she asked as she glanced at her mother.

"Recording the sound so you can play it for Rick," Johanna answered. "He should hear it too even though he didn't get to be here…I'm sure he wanted to be."

"That's a sweet idea, thank you."

"I owe him one," she replied before they all grew quiet so she could get an uninterrupted recording of the baby's heartbeat. When she finished, she slipped the phone into the pocket of her jacket.

"Now for the really fun part," Doctor Jensen said as she turned the screen she had been looking at so they could see it. "Here's your baby," she told Kate as she pointed to the screen.

A smile broke across her lips as she felt the pressure of her mother's fingers tightening around hers in an affectionate squeeze. "That's my baby," she murmured in awe, tears springing to her eyes despite her best efforts to keep some control over her emotions.

Doctor Jensen smiled. "Yes; and development is going well and is on track. I'm sure you can tell, but here's the head," she said pointing to it; "And here's an arm; and a leg."

"It looks like it's moving," Kate stated as she stared at the image.

"It is," her doctor replied.

"I don't feel anything though."

"You won't be able to feel it for awhile yet," Doctor Jensen stated. "But I assure you, it's moving; it's practicing those kicks."

Kate turned her head to glance at her mother. "What do you think, Mom?" she asked softly.

Johanna struggled to hold back tears as she stared at the image of her grandchild on the screen but a tear broke free and spilled down her cheek anyway. A few years ago, when she was still in Wyoming, she had thought that she would never have these moments; that she wouldn't be there for her daughter's wedding; that she wouldn't see her through a pregnancy. She had thought that she'd never get to hold her grandchild; that she wouldn't get to share the joys of being a grandparent with Jim. She could remember how lonely and empty life had felt then…the hell they'd all gone through during her absence and through her homecoming. She thought of all the pain she'd gone through the last couple years as she fought to rebuild her life…and as she looked at the tiny baby on the screen, all she could think about was that whatever pain she had suffered had been worth it. The fight to survive, to win, to reclaim…the struggles to find balance with Kate in the long aftermath of their victory over Bracken…it was all worth it; it always had been of course, but even more so now that she could see the proof of her grandchild on the screen. The baby she thought she'd never see, the one whose life she never thought she'd be a part of. She was overwhelmed with love for her grandchild and her daughter, gratitude that God had allowed her to make it back to her family so that she wasn't robbed of these moments because of another person's sins.

"Mom," Kate prodded, her hand squeezing hers.

"She's perfect," Johanna whispered, before leaning close to kiss her daughter's cheek. "Just like you were."

Kate swiped at her own tears, a soft laugh crossing her lips. "You don't know it's a girl."

"I knew you were a girl," her mother replied, her fingers sweeping across her cheek as she tried to bring her emotions under control.

Kate glanced at the doctor. "Can we tell what it is yet?"

Doctor Jensen shook her head. "No, not yet. We'll be able to tell at your next sonogram."

Johanna tore her gaze away from the image and met her daughter's eye. "You will tell me, won't you? Even if Rick tells you to make me wait until it's born…you'll tell me, right?"

"Yes," she answered; "I promise I'll tell you."

"Now for the due date," the doctor said. "I believe I originally told you May 18th, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to move it up a little," she told them. "I think you're a little further along than I thought based on the baby's development and size; not by much but I am going to bump you up a few days. Let's say May 13th…but remember that you can be two weeks early or two weeks late."

Kate nodded. "Everything would be fine if I was two weeks early?"

"Yes, everything would be fine."

"You're probably more likely to be late, Katie," Johanna stated; "You were…you took five extra days."

"Yes, I know; you've mentioned it," she laughed.

"Well…I was starting to think you weren't coming out; and believe me, I wanted you out…you'll find out what I mean."

"She's right," Doctor Jensen said with a laugh. "You'll find out."

"You should've warned me before I got into this," Kate quipped.

"I said the same thing to your grandmother; she told me no way, I owed her a grandchild."

"You only gave her one."

"She had others," Johanna replied; "I would've welcomed another one but it just didn't happen. It's alright though; I was always content just having you, like I told you a few weeks ago. God gave me the best he had, how could I ask for more?"

"You're going to make me cry again," Kate chastened.

"It's alright, I'm probably going to cry on and off all day," Johanna confessed.

"I'm going to freeze the image," the doctor stated; "And get you some copies; I assume you'll want several?"

"Yes, please," Kate answered.

"Sure thing," Doctor Jensen said, handing Kate some wipes so she could clean off her stomach. The doctor pushed a few buttons, freezing the image and telling the machine to send the image to the printer. "I'll be right back with the first baby pictures."

Johanna helped Kate clean off the gel and threw away the wipes as her daughter sat up on the bed. When she returned to her, she pulled her into a hug. "Thank you for letting me be here, Katie," she said softly, pressing a kiss against her head.

"You're welcome…I'm glad you were here for it; and that you're happy."

"I could never be anything but happy about it," she told her, her eyes on the frozen image on the screen as she hugged her tighter. "Do you remember what you said about driving me crazy?"

"Yeah."

"You'll think you're driving me crazy but you won't be…because these are the moments I've been waiting for," Johanna stated.

Kate allowed a soft cry to spill from her lips that she had meant to be a laugh. "Remember that when I call you at two in the morning when Rick can't ease my mind about some symptom or feeling."

"It won't be an issue to me…I've helped you do math homework in the small hours of the morning, so I definitely won't mind this."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she told her as the doctor opened the door and slipped inside, carrying copies of the sonogram.

"Here you go, ladies; the first baby pictures."

Johanna smiled as she accepted her copy. "And I've already got a frame for it; which I think I forgot to thank you for, Katie."

Her daughter smiled. "Your grandma euphoria was thanks enough."

She smiled and gathered up their belongings as the doctor went over normal symptoms and things to watch for that would indicate a problem before instructing her to make her next appointment on the way out.

They left the room and made their way back to the waiting room, Johanna drifting off to a chair as Kate went to the window to schedule her appointment as instructed. As she waited, Johanna laid her copy of the sonogram on the stand by her chair and clicked a picture of it with her phone and was in the process of setting it as the wallpaper on her phone when Kate approached her.

"Wow; already putting it on your phone," she quipped.

"Of course," Johanna replied as she carefully tucked her picture into her purse for safekeeping. "Don't you know that grandmothers always have a picture of their grandchildren as the wallpaper on their phone?"

"Apparently I missed that memo," she teased lightly. "We're good to go now; what would you like to do, because honestly, I was too nervous to plan for anything beyond this part."

"We need to celebrate," Johanna told her. "I think we need to go to one of those bakeries that you can dine in and have a cupcake."

Kate grinned. "Cupcakes do sound good…I've kind of had a craving for them but I don't know if that's baby related at this point or just me."

"Could be both," her mother said; "But let's go get our celebratory cupcakes…and tomorrow I'll bake you a whole batch of cupcakes that you don't have to share with anyone."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"Consider it done, sweetheart."

---

"Isn't it a little presumptuous for us to have cupcakes with pink icing and white sprinkles?" Kate asked as they settled down at their table at the bakery they had chosen.

"Of course not," Johanna replied. "Why would it be presumptuous?"

She smiled. "Because you're still assuming it's a girl."

"Well, technically, at this point it is," her mother stated; "All babies start out as a girl…the y chromosome doesn't kick in until close to the fourth month if it's going to be a boy…but it won't be."

"There's a fifty percent chance that it will be," she told her.

Johanna shook her head, pointing at her with the fork. "That's my girl in there."

"Your girl?"

"Mhmm, my granddaughter."

"What if it's a grandson?"

"I'll love him just the same but this one is my girl…you can give me a grandson the next time."

Kate's brow rose. "Next time? Can I deliver this one first?"

"Of course, sweetheart; there's no rush…but this one will be our girl."

"Now it's our girl?"

"Yes," Johanna said with a smile. "We'll be a little dynasty."

Her daughter laughed. "A McKenzie-Beckett-Castle dynasty?"

"Yes; it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Oh of course…why do I have a feeling you'll buy it a tiara if it's a girl?"

"Because I will," Johanna replied; "A play one when she's old enough."

"You're going to wait until she's a toddler, that's amazing restraint on your behalf."

"I've been known to have restraint…after all, you didn't get that six foot stuffed unicorn, did you?"

"No…but I have a feeling you'd buy it for your granddaughter."

She smiled. "Only if it was on sale…a hundred dollars is a little steep for a stuffed animal."

"Dad would thank you for waiting for a sale price."

"Sale prices are my favorite thing to tell him," Johanna remarked. "But honestly; I'll be happy either way…but I know it's a girl…just like you or worse."

Kate sunk her fork into her cupcake. "Just because Grandma cursed you doesn't mean you need to curse me."

"Oh but it does," her mother replied; "You should know the suffering."

"Is that the thanks I get for providing you with a grandchild?"

Johanna grinned. "Honey, I don't make the rules, I just enforce the ones I like."

She laughed. "I don't know about you."

"What don't you know?"

Kate shook her head, her gaze on her cupcake for a moment before she met her mother's gaze. "How you made it look easy."

Puzzlement flicked across her face. "Made what look easy?"

"Doing it all…wife, mother, lawyer…you were never not there when I needed you. If I had a field trip, you somehow managed to be there. I had to have my tonsils taken out, you stayed home until I was better. You made it to every softball game, every little dinky school play they made us do in elementary school. You had work, and Dad and the house, me…fifty things going on all at once and you could still bust me in a lie, still know what I was up to…know what tests I had the next day and when my reports were due. You just always made it look so easy…like you had it all together."

Johanna shook her head. "It's not easy, not by a long shot. It was a little easier when you were a teenager because I had years of experience by then and you were more self sufficient and your father had settled into being an equal partner awhile before that. Believe me, when you were a baby, I felt like everything was a mess. I was a mess, the house was a mess, your father wasn't as helpful as I thought he'd be, especially if you were crying. You didn't like to sleep…which reminds me, you should sleep a lot now," she told her. "Take all the naps you can, go to bed early, sleep late…soak it up while you can because you're not going to get much of it after the baby is born."

She smiled. "That's hard to do with work."

"Speaking of that," Johanna stated; "What are you going to do about work? I mean…I don't imagine they're going to let you stay out in the field once you get to a certain point…right?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah; I'm going to have to tell Gates sometime soon…maybe not this week…but soon."

"You're hesitating."

"I'm not exactly ready to be chained to my desk yet…I mean I know I'll still be working cases but I won't be out in the field as you said, at least not further than looking at a crime scene, if I'm lucky…so I might hold off until I start to show and then I'll tell her and she'll decide when to put me at my desk."

Johanna chose her words carefully. "That's probably going to be sooner than you think."

"Why do you say that?"

She smiled softly. "Honey, when you pulled your shirt up so the doctor could put the gel on your stomach, I could tell it isn't as completely flat as it used to be. You're starting to gain a little, which you should be, and you can't tell when your shirt is covering it…but you're going to have a little bump there before you know it…and you might get away with hiding it for a few weeks but then it's going to suddenly be noticeable to everyone. Trust me I know, one day I was changing clothes after work and could suddenly tell there was a little bump there that I hadn't been able to notice through my work clothes…and a few weeks later, I could tell no matter what I had on…and if your Captain notices before you actually tell her…you might find yourself in hot water."

Kate frowned but nodded. "You're right, she'd probably rake my ass across the coals for that one. I just…I don't want to be pulled yet…it probably sounds selfish."

"No," her mother said with a shake of her head. "It's not selfish, it's just that you start realizing that you have to give up some things for awhile and it's hard to do that when it's been a part of you for so long…but remember what you said, you'll still be working on cases, you'll still be a part of things, it's just that you'll have to delegate other riskier things to Ryan and Esposito…you can boss them around, can't you?"

She smiled a little. "Yeah, I can do that…I enjoy it too."

"See, there's a silver lining and they'll be able to prove themselves a little more, that'll be good for their egos," Johanna said lightly.

"I'm not sure I want them to have bigger egos," she laughed.

"Well we'll just say that's a hazard of the situation. But it'll be okay…I do understand how you feel about it," her mother was quick to assure; "But when the moment comes, just know that it's the right thing for both of you; not only safety wise but physically and emotionally…because you're going to be all over the map emotionally."

"Yeah, I think I already am," Kate remarked; "Like I said before, I cry a lot lately."

Her mother nodded. "That's not going away anytime soon, just so you know."

"I was wondering about that," she admitted; "Castle says I have mood swings."

"You probably do…but just do what I did."

"What's that?"

"Ask him how he can distinguish between pregnancy mood swings and the mood swings brought on by husbands."

Kate grinned. "Oh, I like that."

"It broke your father of saying 'mood swing' so often…because he couldn't give me an answer to that question, and believe me, I kept asking for one half the night."

She laughed. "I'm sure you did…but um…what did you mean by it being best for me to be at my desk physically and emotionally?"

"Well, emotionally is kind of self explanatory in a way; you admit your emotions are already amped up…you can't control it as well as you're used to and you have to think about how that would affect you in the field in an intense situation. I'm not saying you couldn't handle it," Johanna said hurriedly; "But those emotions could come into play at a moment when you don't want them to…does that make sense? I'm trying to make it come out right because I don't want to upset you and have you thinking things that I don't mean."

"No, I get it what you're saying," her daughter replied; "I could make myself vulnerable by not being fully in control of my emotions."

"Yes; and that's the last thing you want in your line of work…I already worry about you…I'll worry about you even more now until you are at your desk…I'll worry about both of you. As for the other part of your question, I meant psychically because as your pregnancy continues, you're going to ache…sometimes it'll be your back, sometimes your feet, your legs…sometimes it feels like your whole body. If you're at your desk, at least you can sit and lean back in the chair when need be…kick your shoes off under the desk if you're anything like I was," Johanna said with a small laugh; "You can get up and move around when you need to. Best of all, you've got vending machines there when you want a snack."

"That does sound like a plus," Kate agreed; "It's too bad I can't take a nap there."

Johanna gave her a sympathetic smile. "Tired a lot?"

"I've never been so tired."

Her mother nodded. "I remember the feeling…but it'll get better after you're out of the first trimester."

"Really?" she asked; relief flicking across her face.

"Yes; you'll feel better in the second trimester…that's the best one out of the three. I thought of another bonus for being at your desk a lot."

"What?"

"Bathrooms nearby," Johanna answered; "Because you'll feel like you have to pee every ten minutes."

"I feel like I'm already peeing a lot," she whispered. "Not every ten minutes but more than usual."

"That's normal."

"That's what Castle said…he Googles things," she said, her graze dropping to her plate for a moment before darting back to her mother's face. "But I'd rather ask you…you've been through it."

"I sure have," she replied; "And you ask me anything, I told you that."

Kate's chin trembled as her eyes filled with tears. "I had a list and I forget where I put it."

"You had a list?"

"Yeah, of things I wanted to ask you once you knew about this…and I couldn't find it this morning. I can't remember where I put it."

Johanna laughed softly. "Forgetfulness is one of those pregnancy symptoms…as for the list, it'll come back to you, I'm sure…and you can ask me anything; if one comes to you in the middle of the night, hurry up and text it; if the phone doesn't wake me up, I'll answer it first thing in the morning, I promise. If you feel like something isn't right, call me, keep calling until the phone wakes me if I don't get it after the first two or three rings, okay?"

She nodded but tears remained in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" her mother asked.

Kate shook her head slightly. "It's just that…there was a time when I didn't think we'd get to have this moment."

Johanna swallowed hard, tears of her own coming to her eyes. "I know…me too," she whispered. "But we are having it…it was meant to be for us to have these moments. We were robbed of a lot of years…but we came back around for years that are even more important…I got to see you get married…and I'll hold my grandchild. Missing those things were some of my greatest fears…and I don't take it for granted, Katie; not a second of it."

"I know you don't…you probably feel like I have at times though…things haven't always been good between us."

"Baby, that's just the way of mothers and daughters," she said softly. "We push away, we pull each other back…we fight, we bond, we need space, we need closeness…it's nothing specific to just us. There were times when I stepped away from my mother…times when I drove her crazy. We've had bad things happen to us that makes the push and pull seem worse at times…because sometimes those bad things are the cause, or they're the excuse and it magnifies things…but all that matters is that we get past it and come back together…and you know I'm always waiting."

"I know…but sometimes I'd worry that you'd give up on me."

"Never," Johanna told her. "I'd never give up on you. I've let you go a few times because it's what you wanted, but I did it with the hope and faith that you'd come back…and you always do. You'll see one day…you'll see that no matter how mad or hurt you get, you never give up on your baby."

"I just…I don't know…I've been trying to make things better, even before I found out I was pregnant, because I want it to be good again between us."

"It is," she assured. "We're doing a lot better…it's like old times."

"But even when it was bad…I still loved you," Kate told her.

"I know; I loved you too; that never changes."

"I'm a mess," her daughter replied as she grabbed a napkin to wipe her tears.

"It's alright, so am I," Johanna said as she swiped at her own tears. "You're a pregnant mess…and I'm a mess because I'm going to be a grandmother…and I just want to go buy baby clothes and lose myself in a haze of shopping happiness."

A giggle crossed Kate's lips despite the tears still on her cheeks. "The haze would break as soon as Dad got that alert on his phone for the credit card usage."

"I'd use the other one that doesn't send him an alert."

"Good thinking."

"I do it a lot…we could go shopping after we eat our cupcakes."

Kate smiled. "Mom; I think it's a little soon to buy things."

"Yeah, maybe…but that doesn't mean we can't look," Johanna replied. "Does it?"

A shy smile touched her lips. "No, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look…I probably should, just to get some ideas of everything I'll need."

"Right; it's like when Rick does research for books…you're researching to be a mommy."

Kate nodded. "I think we can work with that excuse…what are you researching?"

"Being the grandmother who will spoil the child."

"Two good topics to research," Kate remarked. "We kind of have to go now…because we need to know these things."

"We do…I mean it's not out of the ordinary to just take a look around. I didn't even know you were pregnant last night, although I had suspicions it was going to happen in the near future, but your father and I were already discussing where to put the crib and what we need for the baby at our house."

"Really?"

"Yeah; we're going to rearrange your room a bit to put the crib in there and get a changing table…don't worry; I'm keeping your bed in there in case you'd need to stay sometime."

"Good to know…do you think Dad will be happy?" she asked somewhat shyly.

Johanna smiled. "He'll be so happy…he's looking forward to being a grandfather, he says it has bonuses that being a father doesn't."

"Like what?"

"He can send it home when he's done playing with it."

Kate laughed. "That sounds like Dad."

"And he was right there helping me mentally arrange the furniture and mentioning that we'll need a car seat…so I know he's going to be very happy and excited for this baby just like I am."

"I hope so."

"He will be, trust me," Johanna told her. "But we definitely should go to one of those baby stores after our cupcakes…in the name of research of course."

Kate nodded. "We'll go…because research is very important."

"Indeed…and the shopping kind is best kind," Johanna replied; "Especially baby shopping."

"I haven't had much experience at that, with the exception of picking out a few outfits for cousins and friends who've had a baby."

"Don't worry, it's better when it's for your own baby."

Her daughter smiled. "I'm glad we're having a whole part of the day for this…this better than my original plan…more special."

"It is," Johanna agreed; "And just think, we can tell the baby all about how we celebrated with cupcakes and went shopping once I knew she was on the way."

"Or he."

"Yeah, but still, it's a good story to tell one day…he or she will know she's been loved by all of us from the beginning."

"I agree," Kate murmured; her heart full of love for her baby; and love and a deeper appreciation for her mother. She was so glad Castle had told her it was alright to take her mother to the sonogram…it had created a better memory for them; and she was sure it had probably scored him a few points in the son-in-law category.

---

As they walked into a baby boutique, Kate felt a little overwhelmed by all of the baby paraphernalia that would soon be part of her life. "Babies need so much stuff," she murmured.

Her mother took her hand and gave it a consoling squeeze. "It's a little overwhelming at first, isn't it?"

She nodded. "Yeah…I just…I've never really thought about exactly how much stuff they require."

"It does seem like a lot…and in some ways, it is a lot," Johanna agreed; "But it's something you can ease into. We're just looking, but you might see something you like that you'll want to keep in mind when you're further along and ready to buy things for a nursery."

"A nursery," Kate repeated; "The baby's room will have to be upstairs and we're downstairs…what if I don't hear it?" she asked, a small measure of panic in her voice.

"Baby monitors, sweetheart. You'll hear her…you were across the hallway from us and we still had a baby monitor because I was worried I might not hear you."

"And they're better now than when I was a baby," Kate stated.

"Right; and knowing Rick; he'll buy you the ones that have a little camera so you can actually see the baby in the room," Johanna remarked. "I wish they'd had those when you were a baby."

"That kind would be nice," she agreed, a part of her still in disbelief that this was all happening even though she'd had weeks to get used to the idea. "I think I'd like the camera ones."

"I think they're a good idea and I'm sure Rick will get them if you mention it."

"He probably will," she said with a small smile. "But I'll still worry about it."

"Of course you will, you'll be a mommy…mommies worry a lot. Your father and I kept you in our room in the cradle for awhile because we were worried about not hearing you, even though we had the monitors…and you just seemed too little to be over there in that room all by yourself," her mother said, a soft smile on her lips.

"It is a little hard to think of such a little baby being upstairs alone every time she's asleep," Kate said.

Johanna smothered a smile as she realized her daughter said 'she'. "That's why they invented bassinets," she said, guiding her toward a few on display. "I loved yours, it had wheels and I could pull you along with me from the living room to the kitchen. I honestly think I would've been lost without it. We kept it downstairs and had the cradle upstairs for you to sleep in our room for awhile…but with your bedroom being downstairs, a bassinet would serve you well not only because the loft is pretty open, but because if you want the baby to sleep in your room for a few weeks, you can just push the bassinet in there and take it back out in the morning and have it in the living room for your downstairs usage."

"I like that idea," her daughter replied, allowing her fingertips to reach out and skim across the soft material of one of the bassinets on display. "How long would I be able to use it? I know I can't use it for its whole infancy but…how long on average?"

"A good four months," Johanna replied; "Your grandmother told me to stop using yours when you started to roll, you needed more room…so then I got a play pen so you could nap in it when we were downstairs…and it also kept you contained once you started to crawl and I needed you stay put for a few minutes so I could accomplish something. You definitely don't want to still be using it when the baby is able to sit up."

"Safety hazard," Kate remarked.

"Exactly; some people think they're not worth the money because you don't get to use them long…but I wouldn't have traded yours for anything those first months. I don't think they're a waste of money…you can always put it away in case another baby comes along; no I'm not rushing, just saying."

She nodded as she gave a soft laugh. "I know, Mom. I think I will want one, I think we'd use it a lot."

Johanna slipped her arm around her daughter's waist. "Well, when you're ready to get one, you let me know and your father and I will get it as a gift for you and the baby."

"You don't have to do that."

"We want to."

"Dad doesn't even know yet," she laughed.

"He wants to, trust me," Johanna said with a smile; "And we'll make him put it together, because he'll want to contribute to his grandchild. You don't want to deny him that, do you?"

"Oh of course not," she quipped.

"Alright then, we'll go shopping for it one day when you're ready and it'll be our gift to you…not the only gift of course, but the bigger gift."

After denying her parents the opportunity to pay for her wedding, Kate wasn't about to deny them the chance to buy their grandchild a bassinet if they wanted to…she owed them that much for all the hurt she had caused with her wedding. She wouldn't hurt them again by declining their gift to her child. "Okay," she said with a smile, her arm wrapping around her mother. "I'd like that."

"Wow, you must have pregnancy hormones, I didn't have to argue with you about it," Johanna teased.

She laughed quietly. "Maybe I knew it was a battle I'd lose."

Her mother caught her eye. "You won't really mind, will you…if we buy the bassinet?"

"No, Mom; of course not…I think it's nice…I didn't think for a single second of fighting against it," she said honestly. "I want you to be a part of this…all of it; not that I expect you buy gifts; but I do want you a part of this…I want you with me every step of the way."

"I'll be there," Johanna promised; "And I'm still buying gifts."

"Yeah, I didn't doubt that."

"Rick won't mind that we made that little deal about the bassinet, will he?"

Kate shook her head. "No; he won't mind…we'll have the crib to buy."

"Then the baby bed situation is evenly divided then, isn't it?"

"Yes, so we'll all be happy. Honestly, I'm kind of liking that one over there," Kate said, pointing to a bassinet that was white and trimmed with a soft grey, a pattern of tiny elephants on the sides and a detachable mobile that had three baby elephants dangling from it.

"It is adorable," Johanna agreed, tugging her along to get a better look at it. "It's on wheels too, you'd be able to pull or push it wherever you need…and look, there's a little basket underneath where you can put diapers and things, that's very nice."

"I like the little elephants," Kate said, reaching out and capturing one of the little plush elephants dangling over the bassinet.

"They're very cute."

"They remind me of your elephants…the ones on my desk that used to be on yours; and how you always said they were a family like me and you and Dad."

"I remember," Johanna replied as she too captured on of the soft little elephants.

"This one would be okay for a girl too, wouldn't it?" she asked softly.

"Of course it would; little girls can love elephants," Johanna replied; "I always did…so did you. There's no reason why a little girl couldn't use this."

Kate smiled, surprised at the anxiousness building within her. "Do you think they'll still have it in a few months? Because…I want this one."

Her mother smiled. "I could just buy it today."

"No…not until I'm past the first trimester…what if something happened?"

"Nothing's going to happen, honey. You're going to have a beautiful healthy baby," Johanna assured; "But I'll wait…maybe we can put one on hold; we can ask…even if I have to put down a deposit on it, that would be okay, wouldn't it?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, that would be okay."

"Alright, we'll talk to someone about it before we leave," Johanna told her. "Let's see what else we can find."

They moved through the store, commenting on cribs and rocking chairs, baby bottles and toys…and finally they reached the large section of clothing, which made Johanna smile brightly. "Here's the fun stuff," she declared pulling her daughter along with her.

"I can tell, you're all excited."

"I like buying baby clothes," her mother replied, picking up a tiny sleeper that had butterflies on it. "Isn't this adorable?"

"It is," Kate agreed as she reached for a tiny hat pink hat. "It's so little."

"It is…and their little heads don't fit in those hats for long."

Kate sighed and put the hat back on the self. "Something wrong?" Johanna asked; "Are you getting tired?"

"No…it's just…I was never into all this baby fuss and all that…and now suddenly everything is cute and I…I don't know, it's like I'm different now."

Her mother patted her cheek. "You are different; you're a mommy now."

"Well…I guess not really until the baby is here."

She shook her head. "I'm going to tell you what Elizabeth Beckett told me; you became a mommy the second that baby was conceived, it doesn't matter that you haven't held it in your arms yet…you're sheltering it in your body; your body is giving it nourishment…you're a mommy, trust me."

"Why did Grandma tell you that?" she asked out of curiosity.

"It was Mother's Day," Johanna recalled; "I was three months pregnant and your father made a fuss; he bought me roses and made me breakfast, took me out to lunch…told me he had a word with you while I was sleeping, telling you not to make me sick on my special day…and you'll say it's a coincidence but I did get through the day with just mild queasiness at moments. We went to a movie and then we stopped by my parents house so I could give my mother her gift and I was gushing about how my husband was making my first Mother's Day special…and your grandfather said I wasn't a mother yet and had no business celebrating the occasion until you were born. Your grandmother was always a bit suppositious and she said it wasn't right to be celebrating when I was still in the first trimester, I could jinx things…and needless to say, because I'm sure you're finding out, pregnancy makes you a little sensitive and they kind of rained on my parade."

Kate nodded. "Sounds like a lot of rain for a day Dad was trying to make special for you."

"It was, and we didn't stay long. We had been invited to his parents house for dinner; Robert had invited everyone and was having food brought in because he always treated Lizzie like a queen on Mother's Day. I stayed with her while Jim, Robert and Andrew went to pick up the food. No one else was there yet and she was in a pretty good mood…which was always a little surprising but I was glad. We were at the kitchen table and she got this little gift bag out of the cupboard and gave it to me. I asked her what it was and she said it was a Mother's Day present. I opened it and it was a tiny little white sleeper that had a little teddy bear embroidered on it…it's the sleeper you wore home from the hospital; but anyway, I told her the things my parents said and that's when she told me it didn't matter if you were born yet or not; I was carrying you and I was definitely a mommy."

She smiled. "That was nice of Grandma to tell you that…and to give you a present."

Johanna nodded. "That was a good day between us…you're what settled us some…we had many good times once you were here. But getting back to your statement, everything always looks cuter when it's for your own baby…everything is going to feel different; you are different. You're never going to be exactly the same again; because now you have a baby to think of…and a new kind of love to experience."

"It's felt kind of unreal the last few weeks," she admitted; "Despite the throwing up…"

"Yeah, that always brings it home," her mother laughed.

"In so many ways," Kate agreed; "But then today, seeing it on that little screen…I felt even more love…and also overwhelmed…I keep saying that word and maybe it's not the right word. I mean, I want this, I really do…it's just…I guess I didn't think it would happen this soon."

"It's okay to feel a little overwhelmed, Katie. Everyone does; it's a big adjustment to make, not just for your body but for your mind and your heart. It's okay to be nervous, it's okay to have those moments when it feels strange…it's okay to be a little miffed about having to give up your heels at a certain point…"

"Wait, what?" her daughter said at the mention of giving up her shoes.

Johanna nodded. "The doctor will tell you to switch to flats at a certain stage of your pregnancy…probably around five months, I think that's about what I was when I got that bad news; and I'm going to be honest, I ignored the doctor the first time he told me to get rid of them…but then your father went with me to see the sonogram, which was just starting to be made a normal part of prenatal appointments at that time, and the doctor told me again right in front of him and that was the end of my heels…your father laid down the law and took great pleasure in throwing my shoes into a box and taping it shut."

"Damn," Kate muttered; "I hadn't heard anyone mention that."

"Yeah; it's a nasty little surprise," her mother remarked; "I was very unhappy."

"I don't blame you."

"Your father thought buying me three new pairs of flats would ease the pain but it didn't…especially in light of his glee of throwing my shoes in a box."

"I'm surprised you didn't hurt him."

"I thought about it but I was afraid I'd knock him out so I just sat in bed and watched, narrating to you how terrible your father was; I'm sure your kicks were signs of agreement."

"Definitely," her daughter replied. "Talk about cruelty."

"I know, right? All the hormones and throwing up and crying jags, food cravings and then you lose your favorite shoes…in the name of safety and comfort of course, but still…it kind of hits you where it hurts."

"I'm glad you warned me; I'll try to prepare in advance," Kate told her.

"We'll go shoe shopping sometime soon and start your pregnancy collection," Johanna remarked. "But for now, look at these cute baby shoes," she said, grabbing a pair of pink sparkly shoes that would fit in the palm of your hand. "Your baby is going to need these."

"Unless it's a boy…and then he's not going to want pink sparkly shoes."

"It's a girl…and as soon as it's confirmed, I'm buying these," Johanna declared; "And probably the red ones too, they look like ruby slippers; oh my God, they have them in purple too…we'll just get a pair in every color."

"Look at these socks," Kate said, picking up a tiny pair, allowing herself to turn a bit mushy as she gushed over them. "They look like little ballet slippers."

Johanna nodded. "She's going to need those too…and those little black patent leather shoes with the bow on them, they are precious."

"Oh, Mom," she breathed as she turned to another rack; "They've got little boots…look at them."

Johanna's gaze found the row of small black boots, all equally adorable and so fitting for her grandchild given that its mother and grandmother adored boots. "We're going to have to buy them all," she stated.

"I want them all," Kate said with a nod.

"See, that's why we have to have a girl….that's why it will be a girl; because the universe would not tease us with little tiny baby girl boots and not give us a little girl to wear them."

"I don't know what's happening to me," Kate said; "Now all I'm going to think about is little baby boots."

"I told you, you're a mommy…and now cute baby shoes will make you mushy."

"This is really going to hurt my image," she mused out loud.

Johanna shook her head. "No; you'll hide it at work."

"I can do that."

"Problem solved; oh there's a table of onesies; I love those, they always have cute little sayings."

"You're making a shopping list in your mind, aren't you?" Kate asked.

"Yes," Johanna replied as they stepped up to the table. "It's part of my fun as the grandmother."

"Are you going to let the baby call you Grandma or are you going to think up some other name like other women do?"

Johanna wrinkled her nose. "No, I'm not going to make up some other name. I'm the grandmother, she'll call me Grandma…just like I called my grandmother Grandma; you called my mother Grandma and when you were little, you called Elizabeth Grammy because it was less confusing for you that way, and it was a term you started calling her on your own; it wasn't one she gave you."

"Just checking," Kate replied. "What about Dad; what term do you think he'll prefer?"

"Probably Grandpa, because that's what he called his grandfather and that's what you called your grandfathers."

"He'll be happy?"

Johanna smiled. "I promise you that your father will be thrilled; why are you worried?"

"I don't know, honestly. I guess I remember how hard some things were for him when I hit certain milestones growing up…I know he loves me, but I just want him to be happy to be a grandfather."

"He will be; he'll be so happy…I told you we were discussing it the other night; he said it would be nice for us to have a grandbaby. We're ready for the job; we have the plans to rearrange furniture so everything is ready when it's time for me to babysit…because I'm babysitting…right?"

"Yes, Mom; you're babysitting."

"Good, because we'd have a problem if I wasn't."

"Oh I know, and I don't even want to think about that kind of problem," she laughed. "But…I do want you to watch the baby while I'm at work…but what about your job?"

"I told you before; I'll switch to Tuesdays and Thursdays; I'll still be done by afternoon if I'd need to take over from someone. Maybe Martha would want those mornings…my concern was if Rick is going to stop going to work with you…because I feel a little better knowing he's with you; it helps keep my worries at a lower level."

"No; we've talked about that…I still want him with me and he still wants to be there too; he's my partner and a lot of things he gets for the books come from being on the job with me. So we figured that he would go a few days a week; like the days you're not working; and then the days you have the baby he can come with me. There are of course times when he stays home for a few days to write, but he'll probably want you to take the baby for a few hours so he can do that without having to stop so often; so those would probably be half days; unless I'm off on some of those days…I'm making it sound like I'm never going to be there," she said, a small amount of tension seeping into her body as she thought about juggling baby and job.

Johanna laid a soothing hand against her back. "Relax, Katie," she said softly; "We both know it's not like that. You were with babysitters five days a week before you went to school; with the exception of vacations, sick days, snow days and the few months between law firms. Sometimes I felt bad about it too; but I was home with you as much as I could be and I think we were pretty close, don't you?"

"Yeah; I do…I knew I was loved and that you wanted to be with me but that you had to go to work during the day."

"And your baby will know the same thing, I promise. I was only asking about the babysitting because you know I've been looking forward to it and I know I'm probably in a better position to provide it than Martha because she has her school to run and she's still doing plays and has rehearsals which don't wrap up within an hour. I'm sure she'll take her turns, but I can have a better schedule for you both to work with…and I wanted to know Rick would still be with you a good bit because like I said, it makes me feel better to know he's with you. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't; I understand why you'd feel that way about Rick being with me…it just suddenly sounded like I wasn't going to be around a lot and I know that's not true…I guess it's one of those, overly emotional things creeping up on me again."

Johanna rubbed her back. "It'll be fine; you'll find a balance with it all…but I'm telling you now, it takes some time, Katie. I've been there…it's hard when you first go back to work and it takes some time to figure out how to juggle it all and not feel like you've cheated one thing or another. It'll all work out, but you have to be patient when the time comes."

She gave in to the urge to hug her mother. "I'm glad you'll be there with me…to help me know these things are okay…I know Rick would tell me they were and he'll help me; but some things are going to be better coming from you because you have first hand experience."

"That's true; and I'm here for you, for both of you, whether he believes that or not."

"You can hit him with your purse if you need to drive home a point," Kate said, forcing herself to blink back tears.

"Don't tempt me," she laughed as she released her. "But don't worry, no matter what, everything will be fine…now forget those worries and look at the cute onesies."

"I love you," Kate murmured.

Johanna smiled. "I love you too…and I love this one," she said, patting her daughter's stomach. "Nickname to be determined later."

"You've got so much to do," she quipped; "A shopping list and a nickname, rearranging your work schedule when the time comes."

"I don't mind a bit…oh look at this one, I'm buying this one today," Johanna declared; holding up a black onesie that had a moon and stars on it and written in fancy silver script were the words 'My Grandma Loves Me to the Moon and Back'.

"I thought we were just looking," Kate replied.

"We are; we're looking, and I've found something to purchase…oh, I'm going to have to buy this one too," she stated; holding up a mint green onesie that said 'If Mommy says No, Ask Grandma'.

She smiled. "It's probably too soon to be buying onesies."

"It would only be too soon if you weren't pregnant," Johanna declared; "I've got to get this one too; its says Grandpa loves me; we can't have him feeling left out."

"Oh of course not…although I have a feeling he better sit down to open the bills in the coming months."

"Don't worry, I'll beat him to the mailbox."

"You have before."

'True; and I can not leave here without this onesie, look at it."

Kate smiled as she read the quote on the white onesie her mother had picked up. "That is perfect…you might need to come back and buy that in several sizes."

"No problem, I will," Johanna replied.

"How long did you wait before you bought stuff for me?"

Johanna smiled wistfully. "Honestly, I bought you something before you were conceived."

"Really?"

"Yes," she replied; thinking of the baby booties she had bought during a pregnancy scare before she and Jim had gotten engaged. "I'll tell you about it at home…I'll show you."

"Okay," Kate said with a small smile; her breath catching at the sight of a onesie she couldn't resist. "Oh, Mom; look at this one," she said picking up a newborn sized white onesie that said Mommy Loves Me and had a row of little elephants beneath the words.

"It's white, it's gender neutral…you should buy it," Johanna told her with a smile. "It's cute."

"But isn't it too soon?"

"For furniture, we'll say yes…for a little onesie, no. Get it, it'll be fine. I'm buying onesies," she said, picking up another one that bore the words 'I'm Telling Grandma'. "Wear that one on the baby when Rick has it on his own," she teased.

Kate laughed, clutching the onesie she had chosen. "I will; it'll make him think."

They browsed awhile longer and then moved to the front of the store, making their purchases and putting a hold and a deposit on the bassinet that Kate had picked out. "Where to next?" Johanna asked once they were outside.

"How about we head home so we can tell Dad…and you can tell me what you bought me before I was conceived."

Her mother smiled. "Good idea; let's head home, we've had a good celebration."

Kate smiled as they made their way to the car; it had been a good celebration…and despite her emotions being all over the map, she felt warm and loved; even happier than she had been now that she had gotten to share her secret with her mother.

---

"Jim," Johanna called out as she and Kate stepped into the entryway.

"In the living room," he answered; "Consoling your cat."

Johanna shrugged out of her jacket and hung it on the hook before carrying her purse and shopping bag into the living room. Scarlett jumped down from Jim's lap at the sight of her owner, meowing and hurrying towards her. Johanna gave her a quick loving pat and then perched on the arm of Jim's chair, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I was starting to worry," he admitted. "I haven't heard from you since you sent the text saying you and Katie had left."

"I'm sorry, I forgot to check in," Johanna replied, a smile clinging to her lips. "But I have a good reason."

A smile tugged at his lips. "Shopping haze?" he asked, nodding at the bag she had sat on the coffee table.

"Better."

"How much did 'better' cost?"

"Not a thing; look what we're getting," she said, excitement in her voice as she handed him the sonogram picture.

Jim took the picture from her hand and studied it for a moment. "I thought you said that ship had sailed and wasn't coming back?"

"It's not mine!" she said giving his shoulder a smack as their daughter struggled not to laugh.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Well then maybe you'll also be glad to hear that this little tiny baby," she said pointing to the image in his hand, "Is our grandchild."

A smile broke across Jim's face, his gaze seeking out his daughter. "Really?"

"Yeah," Kate replied. "Are you okay with getting promoted to grandfather?"

"Of course I am," he answered as he got up from his chair to pull her into a hug. "It's wonderful news, Katie. Is everything alright, you're both healthy?"

"Yes, we're fine," she answered, hugging him tightly.

"Good…when will the baby be here?"

"The doctor moved my due date up a few days today at the sonogram appointment, which is where I took Mom and why she forgot to text you; the baby's due May 13th now."

"That should be around Mother's Day," he commented as he released her. "That would be fitting for you and your mother."

"It's a gift she couldn't return," she quipped.

"Not that she'd want to," Jim remarked as he wrapped an arm around his wife. "I guess we were off in our discussion of the evidence last night; we must've missed something."

"She finally got one over on us," Johanna replied.

"We'll call that the sad note of today," he jested. "We must be slipping."

"We won't let it happen again," his wife replied; "But she was worried you wouldn't be happy."

"Why wouldn't I be happy, Princess?" Jim asked. "I want you to have a family of your own…I want you to experience the torment like I did."

"Mom's already cursed me, Dad," she said with a smirk.

Jim pressed a kiss against Johanna's head. "Good girl."

"It had to be done…my mother did it to me."

"The torch must be passed," he stated; "But honestly, Katie; I'm happy for you and Rick…I'm happy for us too, we're looking forward to being grandparents…I'm guessing your mother started shopping as soon as you left the doctor office."

"That's not true," Johanna replied; "We had cupcakes first."

"Pink cupcakes," Kate added.

"Is it a girl?" he asked with a smile as he looked at the sonogram again.

"No, your wife is just determined that will be."

"Well, she was right before…you're a girl."

"It's been mentioned," his daughter remarked. "And you've already bought me a gift…in a way; it's on hold."

"Really?" Jim said, his gaze falling to Johanna. "What gift did we purchase?"

"While we were browsing in a baby store, we were talking about how I was so glad to have a bassinet when she was a baby and she said she wanted one too so I told her that when she found one she wanted, we would get it as a gift for her and the baby. She saw one she loved but she doesn't want any furniture bought until she's past the first trimester, which I understand, so the store said they would hold one if I put down a small deposit."

Jim nodded. "I think that's a good gift…but are you sure about whichever one you picked out, Katie? Don't you want to look around more?"

"No, I really like the one we saw today…it has baby elephants on it."

He smiled, knowing that she and Johanna had a fondness for elephants. "Then that's the one you'll have, we'll make sure of it."

"Look what else we got," Johanna said, grabbing her shopping bag and pulling out the onesies to show him. "Why does only one acknowledge me and the others are you?" he asked.

"It just worked out that way," she replied; "That was the only one I saw that could be for either gender that said anything about grandfathers, but don't worry, I'm sure I'll find more online."

"There goes the credit card balance," Jim said with a laugh.

"Sorry, Dad," Kate said lightly.

He pulled her into another hug. "Oh that's alright; it's our first grandchild…it has to be spoiled and I wouldn't dare infringe on your mother's need to shop for it."

"That's good of you."

He grinned. "She'd starve me if I said otherwise; you know your mother is big on kitchen warfare."

Johanna smirked at him. "Watch it, Grandpa."

Jim tweaked her side. "Maybe we'll teach the baby to call you Grandma Sassy."

"I wouldn't be offended if that's what you're hoping."

"I figured that," he replied.

"Maybe we'll just let the baby decide what to call you both," Kate quipped.

"I feel like something's being implied," Jim remarked as he glanced at his wife. "I'm not sure we want to know what it is."

"Probably not. You should've heard what she said earlier."

"What?"

"She asked if we were going to get a new hobby now that we're grandparents…in place of one of our other hobbies."

"Which one?" he asked with suspicion.

"Our favorite one."

Jim shook his head. "We're not giving that up until we absolutely have to…and that day isn't in sight."

"That's what I told her."

He glanced at his daughter, teasing in his gaze as he shook his head. "How dare you try to deny us part of life's happiness."

Kate laughed. "I don't think you have to worry, Dad; she said 'hell no' when I asked. Apparently it proves to her that she's not old so I wouldn't dare suggest she give up anything that proves to her that her age is just a number."

Jim pressed a kiss against Johanna's temple. "You cursed her as well as your mother cursed you, right?"

"Definitely," she answered with a nod.

Their daughter smirked at them both and then gave her attention to her mother. "Weren't you going to show me what you bought me before I was conceived?"

"Yes," she said rising from the arm of the chair and taking her hand. "Come with me."

"Is this our copy?" Jim called after them, holding up the sonogram.

"That's your copy, Dad; Mom has her own," Kate answered, smiling as she saw the soft smile of his own on his lips.

"Good, I'll put it on my desk."

Kate and Johanna were quiet as they moved upstairs and then down the hallway to the door that lead to the attic. Johanna opened the door and turned on the light before they climbed the stairs.

"I still like your little reading nook/library you have up here," Kate said as she drifted to the far corner of the right hand side of the attic and settled down in the white wingback chair.

"Me too," Johanna replied from the other side of the attic. "When your father has his friends over to watch sports games, Scarlett and I retreat up here for peace of mind."

"I should retreat here once in awhile," her daughter replied.

"Anytime you want, come on over…I'll even get another chair."

"Beckett women hideaway," Kate quipped.

"Exactly," she replied as she carried a pink storage tote across the attic and sat it down on the rug as she sat down on the lid of her sturdy old trunk. Johanna pulled the lid off the tote and smiled as she reached for a wrapped object. "Here's something you'll remember," she said, unwrapping the object.

"Bunny," Kate said with a smile as she saw her well loved pink bunny that her grandfather had given her when she was a baby.

"I told you I kept it," her mother said as she rewrapped it.

"I'm glad; I loved Bunny."

"I know you did; and your grandfather made a special visit on his own to deliver it to you," Johanna remarked; recalling the day she had opened the door and found her father on the porch, gift bag in hand. "Here's the little sleeper Elizabeth gave me that you wore home from the hospital. It's hard to believe you were that tiny, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Kate replied as she took the small sleeper from her mother's hands and studied it. "Do you think my baby will be this size?"

"Probably," her mother answered. "Babies in our family tend to be in the seven pound range but I'm not really sure if heredity plays into birth weight, if it does, it'll depend on if it gets that gene from you or Rick; any idea what he weighed when he was born?"

"I think I remember Martha saying he was eight pounds and there were ounces but I forget how many…but boys might be bigger than girls, right?"

"Honestly, honey, I don't really know the full science of that. I know my brother was bigger than me and my sister. I also know that Elizabeth told me that your father was eight pounds seven ounces. You were seven pounds six ounces and I was seven pounds five ounces. So I'd say your baby will probably fall between seven and eight pounds; that's usually the average weight."

Kate nodded as she handed the sleeper back. "I think I'll hope for seven; eight seems like it might hurt more."

Johanna laughed. "Well, that could be true, but since I only had one, I can't tell you for sure. Here's the sweater you wore home, my mother got you that; and Grandma Sophia got you the little hat you wore. I wrapped you up in this blanket," she said, her hand falling against a crocheted baby blanket. "Grandma Lilly made that."

"Grandma Lilly had a long life; she was special."

"She was," Johanna agreed. "She made it past her hundredth birthday…and I know they said she passed due to natural causes, but I still say it was losing Robert that did her in."

"Yeah…it happened pretty soon after we lost Grandpa."

"It did…she couldn't bear it; but enough of that, we're having happy thoughts today," she remarked as she finally found the baggie that held a pair of small white booties that had multi-colored blocks that spelled out BABY on the sides. "I bought these for you before you were conceived," Johanna stated, as she pulled them from the baggie.

"How long before?"

"Well…I bought them in October of 1976."

"1976," Kate repeated. "I was born in November of 79…that's three years."

She nodded. "I know."

"Why did you buy them?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "When I bought them, I thought I might be pregnant. I was getting the results that day and I was scared and yet I had already convinced myself that there was a baby there and that I loved it and I'd work everything out as it came. I went into a baby boutique while wandering the city until it was time for my appointment and I found these…and I just had to buy them. They were in my purse when I found out I wasn't pregnant. I was relieved in a way…but I was also very sad; I felt like I had lost something that hadn't even been there to begin with."

"That must've been hard for you."

"It was…and when I finally told your father everything, because I didn't tell him my suspicions, but he got fed up with my strange mood and disappearing act that week and demanded the truth. We fought…but when he finally came back and we talked, I showed him these booties and told him how I had felt and that I'd have to take them back. He told me I couldn't; he said they were for our baby, we had to keep them, we'd need them some day. So I kept them…and even though I put that sleeper on you to wear home from the hospital, I still slipped these booties on your feet over the sleeper and you wore them home. You wore them a few other times as well, but what mattered most to me was that you wore them for your homecoming."

Katie smiled as she held one of the booties. "They're so small."

"Yeah, they are…there's nothing cuter than tiny little baby feet," Johanna remarked. "But that's the gift I bought you…three years too early, but your father promised me we'd have a baby who'd wear them…and we did. They're a symbol of a promise kept…and also that I waited for you."

Her daughter's smile wobbled and then tears broke free. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm scared," Kate whispered.

"Of what?"

Her tearful eyes met her mother's. "What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I'm no good at it?"

"Oh, honey; you don't need to worry; you're going to do just fine. You're going to be a great mommy."

"How can you be so sure?" she cried. "I mean…I'm not exactly the warmest person in the world."

"Katie," Johanna said, her hand falling to her daughter's knee. "That's not true; you're warm and loving…and I know you already love your baby, I could see it on your face and hear it in your voice as you looked at it on that screen today. I don't believe I was seeing things, was I?"

"No, I do love it already."

"Alright then, you're already off to a good start, you love your baby. Are you taking care of yourself so that you'll have a healthy pregnancy? Have you cut out the caffeine; are you eating regularly, being alert to the things going on in your body?"

"Yeah, I'm doing all of that."

"Then you're already taking care of your baby. Earlier you were talking about worrying about hearing her cries; discussing the baby monitors you'd want, asking how long you can safely use a bassinet. Those are all questions a good mother asks."

"Yeah; but what about when I said I didn't want put on a desk yet; you said it wasn't being selfish but it feels like it is."

"It's not selfish, Katie; you're just going through adjustments. Elizabeth Beckett called me selfish because I gave you formula instead of breastfeeding you; but it was the choice that felt right for me…I didn't want to worry about leaking or pumping enough milk all the time. Do you think I was selfish for that decision?"

"No; it's not like you did something that hurt me. A lot of kids take formula and I was pretty healthy, still am…but I'd like to discuss that topic further one day when I'm further along," Kate said as she swiped at her cheeks.

"We can do that," Johanna told her. "Are you on the fence about the idea?"

"Yeah…I'm probably going to feel selfish about that too…and about any possible judgments about what I decide."

"Katie, as long as you do what's comfortable for you, it'll be the right decision. If you're comfortable with whichever option you pick, your baby will be comfortable too. We can definitely talk more about it though when you want to, you just say the word, okay?"

"Okay."

"What else is worrying you?"

"What if I mess up?" she cried. "What if I make a mistake?"

Johanna smiled. "We all make mistakes along the way, baby; none of us are perfect parents. When you were a month old, I was so afraid you'd be cold when I took you out that I overdressed you, wrapped you in blankets and had the heat on full blast in the car. By the time we got to my mother's, you were overheated and miserable. I cried while your grandmother tended to you; I felt like the worst mother in the world…but my mother told me it was an easy mistake to make and that no real harm was done, just to be more careful and not so afraid of a little air touching you…and most of all, to relax and not be so hard on myself. It's not an easy job, Katie; but you've always tackled every challenge that came your way; you won't be defeated by a little baby. You'll make little mistakes, but it's okay…and if there's something you're not sure about, you can call and ask me. If there's something you and Rick don't agree on that has to do with tending to the baby, you can call and I'll give you a second opinion."

Kate sniffled a little. "I'm just…worried about everything."

Her mother patted her knee. "Welcome to motherhood; the worries kick in as soon as the results are read; but maternal instincts will kick in too, you'll see. Everything you're feeling is normal; all new mothers are scared."

"But you've always been good with babies…and I've always been nervous around them."

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "Let me tell you, I did a lot of babysitting and felt comfortable with babies…but when it came to having my own; I was terrified of you. My hands shook as I dressed you to bring you home; I was worried if I didn't get everything on right they might not let me keep you. No matter how much experience you have, you're still nervous when it's your own. You did some babysitting of your own though in your teenage years."

"Yeah; but Mark and Cathy's little girls were four and five when I started watching them; I never took any sitting jobs that involved a baby, I was too nervous."

"I know," her mother replied; "But it'll be fine, you'll see."

"I hope so."

Johanna smiled. "I know so," she said, her gaze dropping to the bootie she still held. "I'd like to see my grandchild wear these…I think it would be nice for it to wear something its mommy wore when she was a baby."

Kate nodded. 'It would be."

"Then you take them home and when the time comes, maybe your baby can wear them home from the hospital."

"I'd like that," she replied, wiping away a stray tear; 'But would you hang on to them until then? I'm afraid I'd lose them and I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of that."

"I'll take them downstairs and put them in one of my dresser drawers, and then when it's time for you and the baby to go home from the hospital, I'll bring them to you."

"Okay," she said as she tried to get herself under control.

Johanna rose and moved toward her, drawing her into a makeshift hug. "It's going to be fine."

"I just want to be a good mother like you've always been," Kate said, her tears soaking through her mother's thin sweater as her head rested against her.

"You will be, Katie," Jim said as he stepped into the attic. "You had a good teacher, and she's still a good teacher. You're not going to have to do anything alone."

"He's right," Johanna remarked; "You're not alone; you have your husband, you have us, you'll have Alexis and Martha; you'll have your friends, you have an aunt and uncle, you have cousins who have children and wouldn't be afraid to offer advice if you asked for it. You're going to have a big support system…and you need to know that you can't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I know that's hard for you sometimes, but you'll have to get past it…because there will be times when you need help. There will be times when you and Rick need a break, and don't hesitate to call us to come get the baby so you can have some time to regroup, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured.

"We're here for you, Katie," Jim said as he moved closer. "Anything you need, all you have to do is ask. I know Rick has to go on book tours at times, if you'd feel nervous about staying with the baby on your own, you can come stay with us, it wouldn't be a problem and no one would think less of you for it."

"He's right about that too," Johanna said.

"Being a grandmother must agree with your mother," Jim quipped. "She hasn't declared me right so many times in years."

The comment was just what their daughter needed and she laughed as she continued to hug her mother. Johanna gave Jim a wink and played along with him. "Don't get used to it, you'll be wrong again before the week is over."

Kate reluctantly pulled away from her mother. "I love you both, you know?"

"We know," her mother said; "We love you too; and we love our grandchild."

"This would be the part where Castle would ask about himself," Kate replied with a laugh.

Her mother smiled. "We love him too…it's just that he makes it difficult sometimes."

"That's true," Kate said; "But he'd probably say the same about me."

"I'm sure he's probably said it about all of us; but it's okay…all that matters is that this baby is loved; and we already know it is," Johanna remarked. "Everything's going to be fine, you'll see."

Kate nodded, for the first time in a long time, she truly believed that.

---

"There you are," Castle said as Kate walked into the loft later on that evening. "I was just getting ready to call you, I was worried."

"I'm sorry; I guess Mom and I kind of got caught up in the moments as they came."

He smiled. "It's alright; before we get to the Johanna part, tell me everything about the appointment."

Kate sat her two shopping bags on the counter and then pulled a copy of the sonogram from her purse. "Here's our baby," she murmured, excitement glimmering in her eyes even as shyness touched her voice.

Castle's smile widened as he accepted the image. "It's already adorable; we're going to have the cutest baby on the planet."

"I think so too," she agreed with a grin.

"Is everything okay with it?"

She nodded. "The doctor said the development and size are on track and normal for this stage. She did move my due date up from May 18th to May 13th; she thinks I'm a little further along than she originally thought."

"That's great," her husband said enthusiastically; "The sooner the better."

"Easy for you to say, you don't have to push it out," Kate quipped.

"But I'll be there while you do it."

She smiled and then remembered the recording on her phone. "Oh, I almost forgot," she said, plucking her phone from her purse. "Mom recorded the heartbeat for you."

Surprise lit up his face. "She did?"

"Yeah; she said you should hear it even though you didn't get to be there, she knows you wanted to be, and she owed you one."

"For what?"

"I'm assuming for telling me it was fine to take her with me to the appointment."

"Play it for me," he said with a nod at the phone.

Kate played the recording, the conversation between her and Johanna about it leading off and then there was the uninterrupted whoosing sound of the heartbeat, and she smiled, allowing the sound to saturate her mind once again.

"That's got to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the world," Castle remarked; moisture glimmering in his eyes.

Kate caught his lips in a kiss. "I couldn't agree more."

"I'll have to thank her for thinking of that; it was very sweet of her,' he remarked; his voice taunt with emotion. "How did she take the news?"

His wife smiled brightly. "She's on cloud nine; there was crying and hugging and then the 'why didn't you tell me!' but she forgives you for your role in that."

"That's good to know," he said with a laugh.

"She cried even more when she saw the baby on the screen…but I cried a little too," she admitted. "We had celebratory cupcakes; she ordered pink ones because she's sure it's a girl."

He laughed quietly. "I guess all grandmas want a granddaughter."

"Most likely…we had more crying; we cried a lot when you get down to it."

"I'm not really surprised," he said; "But I'm sure it was happy crying."

"It was…and she's being very supportive and has started answering all those questions I wanted her opinion on."

Castle wrapped his arms around her. "Does that make you feel better now?"

"Yes; honestly it does…it makes me feel a little more settled."

"Good; I'm glad to hear that…I'm glad you decided to tell her this week. Was it everything you hoped for?"

"Oh yeah; it was wonderful…and she renewed the curse for me to have a daughter just like me or worse and then convinced me we should go look at baby stuff. They're buying us a bassinet, I hope you don't mind…I saw one I really liked and she wanted to make it a gift from her and Dad. I told her I didn't want to get furniture until after the first trimester so she put down a deposit and they're holding one. I didn't want to deny them that after all the things we denied them with the wedding; I hope that's alright?"

"It is," Castle stated, brushing a kiss against lips as she pulled back from him to gauge his reaction. "I wouldn't deny them the right to give their grandchild something and a bassinet is something we'll need in addition to the crib."

"I'm glad you feel that way," she admitted.

"I'm not going to hurt their feelings that way again, Kate. When we denied them the right to help with the wedding, we took a little bit of their pride and maybe we can give it back this way."

Kate stole another kiss and then opened up one of the shopping bags. "She bought onesies," she said, showing him the first three and then grinning as she pulled out the fourth. "This is my favorite one, I told her we need it in several sizes."

"Don't drop me, my Grandma is a lawyer," Castle read aloud from the onesie. "That's perfect, I love that…we definitely want that in several sizes."

"She'll probably be out getting them tomorrow."

"Did you remind her about lunch with me tomorrow?"

"No, I forgot…like I said, we were caught up in the moments."

"That's alright," he smiled, enjoying the sight of her excitement, the glow surrounding her. "I'll send her a text. What's in the other bag?"

She smiled a little sheepishly. "I kept saying it was too soon to buy things but I saw this and I had to have it…and apparently my mother is a bad influence on me," she laughed as she pulled the onesie she had chosen from the bag.

"Mommy Loves Me," Castle read aloud. "That's adorable, Kate."

"I know I should've waited…but I couldn't resist it."

He kissed her. "I don't blame you for buying it; it's just a onesie…but where's one that says Daddy?"

Kate glanced at him, that sheepish smile on her lips once more. "I…well…it was just kind of a mommy day and I didn't think about it, but I'll get you one next time, I promise."

Castle laughed. "I know, I was just teasing…I'm glad you had a mommy day…or rather, a mommy and grandma day. Did you tell your father?"

"I let Mom tell him but I was there, he's happy for us and happy to be a grandfather."

"Good; I'm glad they're happy and that you feel better now that they know."

She smiled as she buried herself in his arms. "I feel like everything's going to be okay."

Castle held her tightly, nuzzling her hair. "I'll make sure of it, I promise…we're going to be a happy family again just like we wanted."

A/N: Next chapter is the next lunch among other things.