A/N: Thanks for your reviews! This chapter is a little different than usual.
Chapter 22
The next afternoon, Johanna was browsing in Macy's, doing her best to try and ignore the lingering upset of how things had gone the day before during her visit with Katie. Maggie had met her when she got off work and they had headed to their favorite shopping destination to forget their troubles. It had been working for the most part but then Maggie had ran into a friend from school and she was left to browse on her own as Maggie chatted with her school friend. She drifted toward a rack of sleepers that caught her eye despite trying to resist but her feet moved in their direction, ignoring the warning from her brain. Johanna plucked the small pink newborn sleeper from the rack and admired it, marveling over how tiny it was. Sometimes it was hard to believe that her daughter had ever been that small…it seemed like a lifetime ago in some ways; and in others it seemed like she had blinked and her baby had grown up in mere seconds. She sighed a little, her fingers rubbing against the small foot of the sleeper. There was just something about tiny little baby feet, she thought to herself, a wistful smile on her lips. Having a little baby to cuddle on a regular basis would be so nice…if she was given the privilege.
Johanna sighed once more; she wouldn't have the privilege if she kept screwing up. She was trying to do better with her son-in-law; thought she was doing leaps and bounds better with her daughter…but it never took much to send that train off the track. A mere few words of opinion and things could spiral out of control faster than a spool of thread could unravel. She hadn't heard from Katie…she hadn't expected to; not enough time had passed for her to be over her anger. She hadn't tried to contact her either, fearful of making things worse before a proper cool down period had been observed.
"Are you thinking of having another one?" Maggie asked, startling her as she appeared at her side.
"No; that ship has sailed," Johanna replied as she put the sleeper back on the rack. "If it hadn't sailed; I'd probably consider it."
"I know the feeling," her friend said as she toyed with the sleeve of the sleeper. "Cute little things like this make you wish you could have another one."
"I know…babies are nice."
"They are…much easier than teenagers and adult children."
"That's the damn truth," Johanna remarked.
Maggie smiled. "You should buy that sleeper."
"For what?" she laughed. "I'm not having any babies."
"Buy it for Katie."
"Why would I do that?"
Maggie eyed her. "Because she's having one."
Johanna held her gaze for a long moment. "What makes you think that?"
Her friend smiled. "Do you really think Jim didn't tell Jeff?"
"I hadn't really thought about it in all honesty."
"Well you should know by now that there isn't much they don't tell each other. I mean Jim even told Jeff about you being home long before he was supposed to so why wouldn't he tell him about an impending grandchild?"
"I don't know…I haven't thought about it."
"Besides, I caught a glimpse of your phone screen; it's a sonogram and I know it's not yours; because as you said, that ship has sailed. So I'm pretty sure I have concrete evidence that you're going to be a Grandma," Maggie said with a grin.
Johanna gave her a sheepish grin. "I guess the evidence is kind of hard to dispute."
"Mhmm," her friend replied with a nod. "I've just been waiting on you to tell me yourself."
"I wanted to tell you," she admitted. "I was just trying to find the right way to do it."
"What do you mean?"
Johanna sighed a little. "I know how much it hurts you not to see your grandson and I didn't want to be…too…I…I just was afraid I'd somehow come off as too excited…or that I wouldn't take your feelings into consideration."
Maggie sighed a little. "I had a feeling it was something like that…because anything else you usually tell me right away. You even sent me a screenshot of the text to your first 'Be a Better Mother-In-Law lunch'."
"I know; but I felt like I needed to handle this news in a better way…and now we know the reason for the be a better mother-in-law lunch."
'That definitely explains it," Maggie laughed. "They're already thinking about who they need to babysit that kid and you won."
She laughed. "That's about what Jim said; not that I mind babysitting but you know…I'm still not sure the lunch thing is necessary."
"I know; especially when he has that list you've told me about; but getting back to your news, you didn't think that I wouldn't be happy for you, did you?"
"No, I never thought that. I just thought it might make you temporarily feel a little worse about your situation."
"I'm always going to hurt over missing out on Noah's life. He's already sixteen months old and I've never even gotten to hold him. Jeff takes pictures and videos when he visits…ticks Chrissy off by showing the baby pictures of me on his phone…but he's never going to know me and it's always going to hurt. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to have a grandchild in your life to enjoy."
"I know…I just get irrational fears," Johanna replied.
"About what?" Maggie asked as they stepped toward another rack of baby clothes.
"Things changing," she admitted quietly.
"It's not going to change anything, Jo; not between us anyway. Why would it?"
"I don't know; you know I think stupid things sometimes."
"Don't we all?"
"Yeah; I guess," she replied, a small smile touching her lips. "But you know how it is…when you've lost a lot in the past, you're always worried about losing more in the present."
Maggie nodded. "Yeah; I do know that feeling…but I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm happy for you; you're going to be a wonderful grandmother…and I'll be happy to hold your grandchild when I come visit when it's at your house."
"If I'm still on the babysitting list," Johanna muttered as she admired a tiny white dress. "I'm pretty sure I blew it yesterday."
"Why, what happened?"
She sighed a little; explaining that things had been good between her and Katie; that her daughter had even been coming to her with her pregnancy questions but that things had gone off the rails when she had told her that it wasn't right for her to prolong her stay in the field by hiding her pregnancy. She told Maggie how Kate had basically put her out of the apartment and that she hadn't heard from her or her son-in-law.
"Don't worry, Jo; she'll come around," Maggie said when she finished.
"I'm all that sure of that…you know how bad things tend to get between us. It doesn't take much to send her running from me. I should've kept my mouth shut."
"Keeping your mouth shut doesn't teach her anything other than the fact that she can hold her temper tantrums over your head…and I thought you broke that cycle."
"I know," she sighed; "I can't help thinking about what I stand to lose though. They keep telling me they'd never keep my grandchildren from me…but there's always that part of me that doubts it, no matter how hard I try not to; I always have that little whisper in the back of my mind saying 'you know they will as soon as you piss one of them off'."
"I don't blame you for feeling that way," Maggie remarked; "You haven't had an easy road with either one of them…and the wedding planning was one slap in your face after another. When you went the whole six weeks in London without having any contact with her, I was a little surprised…I know how hard it is for you to let go of her occasionally."
Johanna nodded. "I think I needed those six weeks…and really I didn't speak to her for a little over a week after we got home too…when she finally got up the nerve to text and ask if we had made it back."
"She started coming around…things started to settle for you and her; and it'll happen again; I'm sure of it…as soon as her hormones calm down."
"That's the problem though…hormones or not, I always seem to piss her off," she replied. "I put in the effort, try to do things right…I get what I want and then I open my mouth and screw it up."
"You didn't screw it up."
"I feel like I did…and I feel like it's going to cost me. She probably won't confide in me anymore whenever she decides to speak to me again."
"You don't know that for sure."
"And if she thinks I'm accusing her of being an uncaring mother already, which I'm not accusing her of that; she won't let me around the baby as much as she would if I had kept my mouth shut."
"Jo, you're thinking the worst possible scenarios," Maggie said soothingly.
"I know and I hate that…but it feels like I always have to with them, you know?"
"Yeah; I get it."
"And part of me thinks that if I was going to blow it, it's better that I did it now…before I get too attached. It's not so hard when you're still used to being numb."
Maggie gave her a small smile. "Maybe at first, but not in the long run…and I think we both know that."
"Probably," she admitted; "But it's nice to pretend that I can keep it at bay."
"Katie will come around…she always does eventually."
Johanna sighed deeply. "No one prepared us for stubborn daughters who like to punish."
"That's the truth," Maggie replied.
"So what do we do?"
"Same thing as always…wait, try again, hope for the best…and don't even pretend to be surprised when the phone doesn't ring."
She laughed softly. "We've got plenty of experience with those things."
"Yeah; we do. Speaking of daughters, there's mine," Maggie said, an ache in her voice as she nodded toward the young woman at a rack of clothes.
Johanna glanced across the store, spying Christina as she looked at a skirt, her hand on the handle of a stroller. "Her hair isn't curly anymore," she commented, noting the long blonde ponytail of her goddaughter.
"She had it straightened…she didn't want it to look like mine."
"She's got the baby with her," Johanna remarked.
"I see him," Maggie murmured, tears filling her eyes. "He's so cute; can you see Jeff in that grin on his face?"
"I do," she replied; "And you in the blonde hair."
Maggie sniffled a little. "Chrissy and her husband are going away for a week as an early Christmas gift to each other. Jeff offered to keep Noah for them…Chrissy said the only way she'd let him watch Noah for the week was if I wasn't in the house."
"Oh for God's sake," Johanna stated; "She's beyond ridiculous."
"I know…but there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I say or do gets through. I try to apologize. I try to make amends, try to bargain…nothing works."
"I've got a strong urge to go over there and have a word with her," Johanna told her; "But I won't if you don't want me to."
Maggie shrugged. "What does it matter? It's not like I have anything to lose. Maybe you can ask her if I can just walk over there and walk past so I can see the baby close up. I won't talk to her if she doesn't want me to."
"I'll be back," she declared before turning and heading across the floor to where her goddaughter was.
"Christina," Johanna stated as she neared her.
Chrissy looked up at her. "Johanna," she said flatly.
"How are you?" she asked; her gaze dropping to Noah who was smiling up at her. "Hi, sweetie," she cooed at him, her fingers brushing across his blonde hair.
"Whatever Margaret sent you over here for; forget it and go on your way," Chrissy stated.
Johanna smirked, so Christina had been aware of their presence. "Don't call your mother Margaret…or I'll be forced to call your Christina Amanda; and I know how much you hate to be middle named."
"What do you want?" her goddaughter huffed.
"First of all, your mother didn't send me over here."
"And yet she's standing there waiting on you."
"She's standing over there staring at her grandson who she'd like to see."
"That's too bad for Margaret."
"Don't you think you're being ridiculous, Christina Amanda?"
Chrissy frowned. "Don't call me that."
"The question still stands…don't you think you're being a little ridiculous? A little overboard?"
"I don't want to hear it, Johanna."
"Yeah, well, I didn't want you to throw up on me when you were six…but you did…and I didn't get mad. I had to throw my dress away but it wasn't a big deal…so you know, you can afford to indulge your godmother a little."
"Don't even play the godmother card," Chrissy stated. "I got ripped off in the mother and godmother department. The mother is a liar and a cheater; the godmother a liar and death faker. You're not high on my list of people either."
"Take a number and get in line," Johanna replied; "As for the lying and death faking; it wasn't my idea. I would've much rather been here with my family…and only fools believe otherwise. As for your mother, no one denies that she did wrong and I understand that you're still angry at her…but it's been nearly twenty years. Isn't it time to ease up? If your father can forgive her and remarry her, then don't you think you could try to let go a little?"
"I love my father but he's a fool…she'll just break him again."
"No, she won't," Johanna told her; "And he's not a fool for loving her and giving her another chance."
"That's a matter of opinion," Chrissy stated.
"She's never said that you had to forgive her," she went on; "But she does still love you, you know? She didn't leave you…you left her; but she still loves you. She'd still like to be apart of your life…she'd like to be a grandmother to her grandson."
"Not my problem."
"Chrissy, come on," Johanna said in exasperation; "Is it really fair to deprive your son the right of knowing his grandmother?"
"He has a grandmother, he sees her often."
"He has two grandmothers…and they both deserve the right to love him. How is it wrong for him to have as many people loving him as possible? He knows his grandfather…he should know his grandmother too."
"I don't want her in my child's life."
"Give me a good reason," Johanna replied; "Besides the fact that she had an affair nearly twenty years ago."
Chrissy's lips pressed into a thin line; silence filling the air between them.
"I'm waiting," Johanna said; "What's the good reason? Is your mother violent?"
"Johanna," she sighed.
"Is she?" she asked, pressing the question.
"No."
"Is she abusive?"
"No."
"Is she some sort of child predator?"
"No; of course not!"
"Is she a drug addict?"
"No!"
"Is she drunk every day?"
"No."
"So what you're saying is that she poses no real threat to your child…so why can't she have a relationship with him? Okay if you don't want her in your life…but why take her away from your son? The things she did happened long before his time; it has nothing to do with him. She loves her grandson…it hurts her every day not to be a part of his life. I know you want to punish her…but you're punishing Noah too. You're taking away someone who loves him. You're keeping him from knowing that side of his family. What are you going to tell him when he gets older and starts to ask why he's allowed to see his grandfather but not his grandmother? What are you going to tell him when he asks if he can meet her and you say no? How are you going to explain the reason for keeping them apart when you can't even think of one good reason to give me in the middle of Macys?"
"I don't want to let her in my life," Chrissy stated.
"Fine; don't…but why keep her out of Noah's? You could let your father take him to see his grandmother. Don't you think he's going to wonder one day why he never gets to go to his grandpa's house? Kids think of those things, honey; they come up with questions you never imagined…and the more you keep her away and shun answering…it'll just make her more alluring to your kids; they'll be desperate to find her."
"Maybe I'm willing to risk it."
"No, you're just willing to stay stuck in the past," Johanna declared. "Everyone else has moved on; your mother, your father, your brothers, your grandmother. They've accepted, they've made their peace, they've moved on from it and they're a family…and then there's you, who throws fits and declares that people are against you if your mother is included in family functions. She's a prisoner to your will and it isn't fair…it isn't fair to anyone in your family to have to choose between you. It's not fair to deny Noah his grandmother when you know she's of no danger to him; you do know that, don't you?"
"Of course I do," she retorted. "I know she wouldn't hurt him."
"So what are you going to do, Christina? Wait until it's too late and she's gone? Let's face it; none of us is getting any younger…we don't know what's going to happen from one moment to the next. Do you want to keep your kids from your mother and then one day get a phone call and find out you can't ever change your mind? Do you want to keep being angry all your life and let it spill over to your kids? Do you want them to grow up to hate you for keeping them away from their grandparents? Your father and grandfather didn't get along but he never kept you from him, did he?"
"No."
"Then act like a grown up and think about what the hell you're doing. Your mother had an affair; she ruined her marriage…and she's paid for it in ways you can't imagine. She's been punished for a very long time…you don't need to keep doing it. You don't want this to be your life, Chrissy; living with bitterness and hate…because one day you're going to wake up with a whole lot of regrets, wishing you had let her be there…and it'll be too late."
"I don't want to hear this," Chrissy retorted; stubbornly keeping her gaze lowered but Johanna heard the small crack in her voice.
"Your mother knows that you don't want her around you; knows you don't want to speak to her…but she would like to see the baby…and when I told her I was going to speak to you; she asked if I would ask you if you'd just allow her to walk past the stroller so she can see the baby close up. She won't speak if you don't want her to…she just wants to see her grandson. She knows you're never going to open the door to her…she wishes you would…or at the very least that she could have some sort of visitation so to speak with Noah. Can she at least walk by today and see him for a second?"
Chrissy said nothing but Johanna didn't make any move to leave, instead shifting her attention to the little boy in the stroller. "What do you think, Noah; you want to see Grandma in person instead of just the picture on Grandpa's phone?" she asked him.
"Pa!" Noah exclaimed.
"Yeah, you can see Grandma if Mommy will just let go a little…she'll feel better…she doesn't believe me, but when she starts letting that weight fall off her shoulders she'll feel a lot better inside. It's hard to keep carrying around baggage like that…trust me, I know."
Chrissy huffed out a breath, shoving the skirt she was looking at back on the rack and leaning down to the stroller, quickly unbuckling Noah and lifting him from his seat, thrusting him at Johanna. "Here," she said, annoyance in her tone. "I'm tired of listening to everyone bitch about this so take him over; she's got five minutes and it doesn't change anything!"
Johanna eyed her as she shifted Noah on to her hip. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," she spat.
"So if I walk away from you with the baby on my hip, you're not going to scream kidnapping? Because if you do, I'm going to beat the hell out of you, goddaughter or not."
"No; I'm not going to do that," Chrissy retorted. "Just go; five minutes."
"Okay," Johanna said, turning away. "Come on, Noah; let's go see Grandma. Are you excited?"
Noah babbled a mixture of words and baby language as she headed across the store, Maggie's gaze widening as she saw Johanna coming toward her with the baby.
"We've got five minutes," Johanna said as she neared her.
"Really?" Maggie murmured.
"Yes," she said as she held the little boy out to her. "Here, Noah; here's Grandma."
Maggie choked on a sob as she took her grandson into her arms. "Hi, sweetheart," she murmured tearfully to him as he studied her curiously. "How are you? You're getting so big already…you're already one and this is the first time I've gotten to hold you…but it's not because I didn't want to," she told him as she cuddled him close, kissing his soft cheek. Noah patted her cheeks, smiling at her. "You're so handsome," she told him; "Just like Grandpa."
"Pa!" Noah exclaimed.
"I think it's safe to say he loves his Grandpa," Johanna commented as she took pictures with her phone.
Maggie slipped her phone out of her pocket and touched the screen so she could show Noah the picture. "Look, Noah; here's Grandpa on my phone."
"Pa!" he said, his tiny finger touching the image of Jeff and then moving to Maggie's image he exclaimed "My-Ma!"
"What?" Maggie giggled.
"My-Ma!" Noah said again, his gaze going from the picture to Maggie's face, realization breaking across his face. "My-Ma!" he exclaimed as he patted her cheeks. "My-Ma."
"My-Ma?" Johanna repeated; "Oh…Maggie, he recognizes you from Jeff always showing him your picture and now you've showed him one and it's clicked in his little brain…he probably tells him, 'here's your grandma' and Noah makes it 'my-ma'."
A soft sob escaped Maggie's lips as she hugged the boy to her. "That's right, sweetheart; I'm your Grandma. I love you so much; I want you to know that. I don't know if I'll ever get to see you again after this, but I want you to know I love you, Noah…and I love your mommy even if she doesn't love me anymore."
Noah giggled at her, pressing a wet kiss to her face that made her laugh despite her tears. "You're such a sweet boy."
"Don't cry, Maggie," Johanna murmured to her.
"I can't help it," she sniffed, a smile on her lips as she kept her gaze glued to her grandson. "I know this is the only chance I'll ever have."
"My-Ma!" Noah said once again, his small hand toying with Maggie's earring.
"That's right, my sweet boy…I'm Grandma…I wish I could spend some time with you…play with you; give you cookies and cuddles…so many things."
"Five minutes is up," Chrissy stated from across the aisle.
Johanna felt her friend's pain as Maggie's eyes closed, her chin quivering as she hugged her grandson close, pressing kisses to his hair. "Alright, sweetie," she cried, "Aunt Johanna has to take you back to Mommy now. I love you…can I have a kiss?"
Noah laughed, pressing his hands against her face as he kissed her. She gave a soft laugh, pressing another kiss of her own to his face. "I love you…be a good boy," she told him as she reluctantly handed him back to Johanna.
Noah frowned, his arms reaching for her. "My-ma!" he cried.
"I'm sorry, honey," Johanna told him; "You have to go back to Mommy now; that was the deal."
The little boy kept stretching his arms toward Maggie, a cry crossing his lips as Johanna carried him away. "Grandma loves you," Johanna told him as she neared Chrissy. "Maybe Mommy will let her see you again one day."
"I didn't make any promises," Chrissy stated.
"I know…but he likes her…and she loves him. He deserves to make memories with his grandmother," Johanna told her before she kissed Noah's cheek. "Bye, sweetie; I hope I see you again sometime…and I hope you get to see your Grandma too."
"My-Ma," Noah said, his gaze seeking Maggie across the aisle as Chrissy hooked him back into the stroller. "I know she's your grandma," she muttered as she tucked a blanket around him.
"Thank you, Chrissy," Maggie called out as Christina started to push the stroller away from them.
"It doesn't change anything," her daughter retorted, her pace quickening as if she feared that Maggie might attempt deeper conversation with her.
Johanna returned to her friend's side and wrapped her in a hug. "You'll see him again, Maggie," she told her.
"I'm not so sure of that."
"I think you will…once Jeff knows she allowed it once, he'll keep after her…and maybe we'll run into her again. Eventually she'll realize it's futile."
Maggie scoffed softly as she hugged her. "How did you manage it this time?"
Johanna released her friend. "Honestly, I don't know which statement sealed it. I just told her it's been almost twenty years, it's time to let it go…and that it wasn't right to deny Noah his grandmother…and other things that were meant to make her think about how she might end up a bitter person. She told me she was tired of hearing people complain about her keeping him away so she took his out of the stroller and gave him to me…I think maybe she's starting to crack…she probably needs more babysitters…we're going to get you in there, don't worry."
Maggie gave her a wobbly smile. "That would be nice but I won't hold my breath…thanks for today though. I don't know how you managed it but I'm glad you did."
"Me too; come on, let's go get lunch and I'll text you the pictures I took."
Maggie nodded and they left the store, Johanna hoping that a scene like that wasn't in the future for her and her own daughter.
"How was your shopping trip with Maggie?" Jim asked that evening at dinner.
"It was good," Johanna replied. "I got you a few shirts for work; they were on sale."
He gave her a grin. "Is that your thinly veiled hint that my wardrobe needs refreshing?"
She laughed. "No; that wasn't my intent but when I saw them but you do have a few older ones that you could retire."
Jim nodded. "That's true. You didn't buy me any girly colors, did you?"
"Have I ever bought you girly colors?"
"No, but I like to be sure. You know Monica bought Zach a pink shirt not too long ago and he's still occasionally distressed by it."
"Yes, I know; Monica mentioned it the last time I saw her. She won't ever make the mistake again. I, on the other hand, would never, ever buy you a pink shirt in the first place. You are completely safe. I bought you a very nice dark red one, a royal blue one that's going to look so nice with your beautiful blue eyes…"
"Dressing me up for you, huh?" he teased.
"Oh yes, you might be so irresistible in that one that you might not get out of the house," she replied with a grin.
"I'll make sure I wear that one first," Jim quipped. "I can't wait for you keep me home."
She laughed softly. "I also got you two new white shirts."
"Sounds good. What did you get for you?" he asked.
"A sweater; a couple blouses for work and two pair of dress pants. I saw a skirt I liked and got it too."
"Is that all? Was it a slow shopping day?" Jim teased.
She smirked at him in amusement. "I also bought Scarlett a new ball since we can't find the one she lost; I saw that book you wanted and got it for you and I got me a book."
He smiled. "I guess we all got something then; except Katie."
"I put in the order for her birthday flowers," Johanna replied.
"You could've gotten her something small like a bottle of perfume to see how she'd take it," Jim said as he scooped up a bite of pasta.
"She's already mad at me. I don't want to make it worse by breaking the rules."
"You should've never allowed those rules to take root in the first place."
She eyed her husband. "Jim; let's not have this discussion tonight."
"Alright," he said; catching the note in her tone that implied that he should back off that avenue of thought. "I guess you haven't heard from her?"
"No; not a word…but I'm not surprised. It's only been a day."
"Have you tried texting her?"
"No; you know she hates it when I don't allow enough time to pass when she's mad. I'm not sure if I should wait three days or give the full week like I do most of the time."
"Why don't you just do it tonight and get it over with?"
Johanna glanced at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means why don't you just send her some sort of casual text that will end the standoff so you don't have to tie yourself up in knots all week about it."
"I'm not tied up in knots," she retorted as she reached for her drink. "I'm fine; I'm used to this. I don't lose sleep over it anymore."
"I don't know…you seemed a little restless last night."
"I apologize; I'll try not to disturb your slumber tonight," Johanna replied, her chin jutting upwards in offense.
Jim sighed. "Don't go get your feathers ruffled; you didn't bother me. I just know that when you're at odds with Katie it eats at you. You didn't do anything wrong…but you know she doesn't like to make the first move, so eventually you're going to have to be the one to reach out."
"I know that and I will…but I want to give her time to cool off. She threw me out of her home, Jim; do you really think she got over being angry that quickly?"
"She could have; you know how those pregnancy mood swings are."
"Yeah; and I know how our daughter is too…she never gets over anything in a day. Maybe a week but not a day or two."
"Alright, sweetheart; handle it your way. I just thought maybe it could be resolved more quickly if you just went ahead and reached out…because we all know it won't be her, it's always you so you ought to save yourself some time and worry."
"I'm sorry I screwed up once again and caused you distress, Jim."
He breathed deeply. "I didn't mean to imply that at all."
"Then what are you implying because I feel like you're implying something."
Jim met her eye. "I just hate to see you unhappy again that's all. Things have been better between the two of you and you've been happy."
"I'm happy with you!"
He had fouled this up, Jim thought to himself. He hadn't chosen his words with care and hadn't paid attention to the tone he spoke the words with. "I know you're happy with me…but you're even happier with Katie around. I just don't want you to let her shut you out again."
"You say that like I ever have a choice in the matter," Johanna said, her voice becoming strained as emotion started to pull at her. "You know it's never up to me; when she makes up her mind to shove me out, she shoves hard and fast and locks the door before I can even get turned around."
He shouldn't have started this conversation…it was going to get him in trouble and upset his wife further. Why did he have to open his big mouth? "It's not going to be like that this time…I'm sure she'll come around. She always does."
"Yeah; until the next time," she muttered; "Because this is how it's going to be the rest of my life; letting me in and then throwing me out when I breathe wrong. I just always have to screw everything up; it's like a sickness, I just can't help myself."
"Sweetheart; you didn't do anything. All you did was tell her the truth."
"Yeah; the truth," Johanna scoffed; "You'd think by now that I'd know that she doesn't like hearing the truth…and that if I say not to do something, she's going to do it all the more. How stupid can I be? If I had any sense I would've agreed with her and then her idea wouldn't have been appealing to her anymore and I wouldn't be in this mess!"
"Honey; I didn't mean to start something," Jim told her sincerely. "It's not your fault that Katie was feeling sensitive yesterday. It'll work out, I promise it will. You were just trying to help her make a good decision and there's nothing stupid about that. It'll be alright…stick with your plan, wait a few days and then send a message; probably by then she'll have forgotten about it and everything will be fine."
"She rarely ever forgets," she muttered.
Jim smiled. "She kind of gets that from her mother."
Johann frowned at him. "Did that really seem like the best thing to say?"
"In hindsight, no," he admitted; "But it'll be fine…I promise."
"I don't know…Rick hasn't even sent his lunch reminder text for tomorrow."
"I'm sure it'll show up sometime this evening. Rick isn't going to let you off the hook that easy. He did show up at your office the day you tried to get out of it."
"Yeah; I know. I probably should've seen that one coming. Next time I'll have to relocate to throw him off."
Jim laughed lightly. "You can come hide with me."
She gave him a small smile. "You are my favorite person to hide with."
"I hope so; because that's mutual."
"You're the only one I'd want to hide with."
He smiled, figuring a subject change was probably needed now that he felt he had steered them out of rocky waters. "How did you get Chrissy to let Maggie see Noah today?"
"How do you know about that?" Johanna said, allowing him to change the subject without comment.
"Maggie sent Jeff a picture that you took of her holding the baby. He's very grateful that you made that happen…and now inquiring minds would like to know how you accomplished it."
"Honestly; I don't know," Johanna admitted. "I told her it's been nearly twenty years; it's time to get over it. I told her no one is getting any younger. I reminded her that her mother isn't a criminal and poses no danger to her grandson. I told her it was wrong to deny Noah his grandmother. I basically just harped at her. She did mention that she's sick of hearing people bitch about it so I assume I didn't say anything that she doesn't hear on a regular basis…but for some reason today, she gave in a little. Maybe just to get rid of me but at least Maggie got to hold him."
"I think Chrissy wants to leave the baby with Jeff when she goes away; she keeps asking him if he's willing to do it on her terms and he keeps telling her that he's not going to put his wife out of the house for her; no matter how much he loves Noah and would like to have him. Maybe letting Maggie see him today was some sort of test…maybe she'll give in and let them keep him while she's gone."
"That would be nice," she replied; "Even if she wanted to stick some kind of stipulation on it about Maggie not speaking to her; I'm sure she'd go along just so she could have that time with Noah and Jeff."
"Maybe she's going to ease up," Jim remarked; "She probably needs more babysitters…and if she can leave him with her parents, even if she has to find a way to still avoid Maggie; I wouldn't put it past her."
"Maggie would probably take what she could get."
"I'm sure she would…and I'm sure she's grateful to you today for getting her those few minutes with Noah."
"She is," Johanna replied; "Maybe one day we'll run into Katie in Macy's and she can return the favor."
Jim gave her a sympathetic smile. "Sweetheart; it's not going to come to that."
"You never know…you know how things go between Katie and I. It's never far from my mind that I could end up in the same boat as Maggie."
"You won't," he assured. "Did you buy anything for the baby today?"
"No," she murmured; "There was a little sleeper but I put it back."
"Why?"
She shrugged a little. "How come you didn't tell me that you told Jeff about the baby?"
"I don't know; I guess it just slipped my mind. Why?"
"Because I hadn't told Maggie yet and she informed me that she already knew."
"Sorry, sweetheart; I didn't mean to spoil it for you."
Johanna shook her head. "You didn't; I wanted to tell her; I was just worried about making her uncomfortable with the news given her own situation…having her already know took the pressure off that. But you know, Katie didn't want us to tell anyone yet."
"Then she should've told us that as soon as she told us," Jim replied; "But there's nothing to worry about; you know I told Craig and I told Jeff…who told Maggie; but I'm sure that's as far as it's gone. If anything comes of it; I'll take full responsibility. I won't let her blame you."
"I'm not worried about it; I know we can trust our friends."
"So why didn't you buy the sleeper you saw?"
"Because," she said softly.
"Because why?"
Johanna took a sip of her drink, hoping to avoid the question but her husband kept his gaze pinned to her. "Why, Jo?"
"Because…," she answered; swallowing hard. "Part of me is afraid of getting too attached too quickly. I'm already thinking about this baby…letting love for it form…wanting to buy things and rearrange a room…wanting to daydream about all the things you get to do with a grandchild and a part of me keeps yelling 'stop; slow down…don't get so attached just yet because you don't know if you're really going to be allowed in…and for how long if you are."
"Jo," he murmured. "You're thinking worst case scenarios because of this thing with Katie."
"I can't help it," she said as she got up from the table, carrying her plate to the sink. "I feel like I have to. She asked me to leave her home because she didn't like an opinion…so why should I think that my place is guaranteed? Sure everything started off okay…but then I say the wrong thing and screw it up like always," she said, her voice cracking. "You know me; you know I have a habit of saying the wrong thing. This won't be the last time I screw up…it never is…and even though they keep saying they'll never keep my grandchildren from me; a part of me isn't always convinced of it and thinks about us ending up like Jeff and Maggie. You'll be allowed to visit and I'll have to stay home and wait for you to bring me pictures so I know what the kid looks like."
Jim rose from his chair and moved toward her, pulling her into his arms. "Sweetheart; that's not going to happen, I promise. Everything is going to be fine; you and Katie will work things out. She'll see that you only had her best interests in mind when you told her to think about what she was doing work wise. It's going to be okay…you're going to see our grandchild, I promise."
She allowed herself to cry as she settled into his embrace. "I'll try to do better to make sure of it."
"Honey; you're not always the one who needs to do better. I know Katie and Rick seem to have you trained to think you are, but you're not. Sometimes Katie has to be the one to do better. Sometimes Rick has to be the one to do better. Don't take everyone's blame. Everything's going to work out, okay? I'm sure Rick will give you an update tomorrow about Katie's mood; if it's improved, then maybe you can send her a little message just asking how she's feeling and she'll come around like usual. Don't go thinking the worst; this is just a little bump in the road. We've gotten through bigger ones; you and Katie will get through this one, okay?"
Johanna sniffled a little as she nodded against him. "It's just hard sometimes," she murmured.
"I know, sweetheart. You had a nice balance and Katie had to go and shake the beam you were standing on…she gets that from my mother; you know."
"Oh yeah, I know. I just took it better from Lizzie."
He smiled as he pressed a kiss against her hair. "I know; but she didn't have your heart in the palm of her hand. It's going to work out though; I know it will," he said as he pulled back a little to see her face. "No more tears tonight; it'll look better tomorrow, I promise."
She smiled up at him despite her tears. "I hope so."
"It will; now come on, we'll put those topics away. I didn't mean to upset you by bringing it all up. What do you want to do tonight?"
She breathed deeply, doing her best to settle her emotions. "I just want to curl up with you, watch some old show on TV…think happier thoughts."
Jim nodded as he pressed a kiss against her lips. "I'm sure we can accomplish that, sweetheart. I'll help you with the dishes and then we'll go relax…get those grey clouds away from you."
Her fingertips caressed the line of his jaw as she kissed him. "You'll make them go away, you always do," she told him before settling back against his chest for a moment, thankful that he never gave up on her no matter how many times she messed things up.
It was a little after eleven the next morning when Johanna glanced at the time on her computer as she sat at her desk in her office at Columbia. She frowned a little and then grabbed her phone to make sure she hadn't missed any messages a short while earlier when she had stepped out to talk to her secretary. There weren't any missed calls or texts…it wasn't something that was unusual…but it was unusual that Rick hadn't sent his usual reminder about lunch the evening before. She thought for sure he'd send one that morning but he hadn't and she wasn't sure if she was supposed to show up or not. She also wasn't sure if she should text and ask either. On one hand, she didn't mind if he had forgotten it was Thursday and she didn't mind having another break from the whole thing. She didn't really want to rehash what had happened with Katie during her visit…and she wasn't really feeling up to a list topic either. She felt some better than she had last night; so why ruin the feeling? A little break would be fine.
But on the other hand, what if this was some kind of test?
Johanna worried her bottom lip as she stared at her phone; what if he had deliberately not sent his usual reminder just to see if she would take the initiative and contact him and ask? If she didn't, she might fail the test and it would end up as another topic on the list. She didn't want that…but this lunch thing was his idea, why should she have to stay on top of it? It wasn't like she was the one who had asked for it…so really, should she ask?
But what if it was a test? What if something was wrong? She still hadn't heard from Katie so she assumed she was still mad at her…and she hadn't tried to contact her either out of fear of making it worse. She usually gave her a week to cool off; past history had taught her not to make the first move too early when it came to her daughter. Maybe Katie had convinced Rick to be mad too…or he had thought things over and became offended on his own and she was once again public enemy number one. But of course she wasn't sure she had ever really stopped being public enemy number one to him in the first place.
Johanna sighed, what she supposed to do? She didn't want to show up for nothing. She also didn't want a complaint about not showing up at all either…it was possible he would be at the café and had just forgotten to send his text reminding her. If she didn't show up and he waited for her, she would never hear the end of it. She laid her phone down in annoyance; she hated when people did this to her. There wasn't much work at the office to keep her busy that morning, if she didn't need to go to lunch, she could head on home and do a few things around the house and then relax for awhile before it was time to start dinner.
She glanced at the phone, maybe she should check in…make sure everything was fine. Surely if something was wrong with Katie someone would've let her know…but then again, maybe not. Her daughter didn't like for her to know when things were wrong…she had gotten a brutal lesson in that…right along with those brutal comments from Rick in the middle of the hospital hallway. Yeah; she was sure she'd never be notified again; especially now that Katie was married and Rick was officially her next of kin. Nerves knotted her stomach; maybe she would send a text just asking about lunch…and to see if anything else was mentioned.
Johanna picked up her phone and tapped out a message to her son-in-law. "So is this lunch thing happening today or not? I haven't heard from anyone…"
With the message sent, she laid the phone down and got up from her desk to put some papers in the file cabinet. There was no sense hanging around her office when there wasn't anything major to be done, she figured as she moved around putting things away…trying not to worry as minutes ticked off without a response to her text. She picked up her planner and her lesson plan book and shoved them into her briefcase along with a few things she could look over at home. She shut down her computer and gave Carla instructions to give any student who happened to show up despite knowing her office hours ended at eleven-thirty.
Johanna had her briefcase packed, her purse sitting beside it and was pulling on her coat when her phone finally chimed.
"Can't make lunch today," Castle had written; "We're working on a case and I want to see it through."
A part of her wondered if a case was really the reason…after all, he hadn't let work stop his agenda before. Maybe it was because she had angered Katie and therefore probably caused trouble for him as well since he was the one who talked her into visiting.
"Is Katie okay?" she wrote back.
"Moody but fine."
Johanna frowned; her son-in-law was a man of few words today. She debated pushing for a better answer but was afraid to rock the boat; after all, she seemed to have a reputation for that in the family. In fact, she had been deemed the cause of unhappiness on one occasion. Yes, it was best just to let it alone, she figured as she closed the message and called her husband.
"Hello," Jim answered.
"Hey, handsome," she replied.
Her husband laughed a little. "What did you buy and how much did it cost?"
Johanna laughed. "I didn't buy anything; I'm still in my office."
"What do you plan on buying?" he teased.
"Nothing," she answered. "But I am free for lunch if you're looking for a date."
"I thought it was 'be a better mother-in-law' day," Jim replied.
"I'm being stood up," she said lightly. "They're working on a case…at least that's the story for publication."
"You have doubts?"
"I don't know…just seems a little coincidental coming on the heels of Katie throwing me out and her silence…but that's probably just me being paranoid because you know how things go for me when it comes to our daughter and her family."
"I know; but it probably is work related. He's not the type to let his wife get in the way of his agenda…even at the risk of pissing her off."
"That's most likely true…so…lunch?"
"I thought you were already spoken for for lunch so I kind of already made plans with the guys but I cancel them and go with you."
"Don't be silly," Johanna said with a laugh; "Go with your friends; I'm not going to be offended that you already made plans."
"I can cancel though; it's not a problem."
"No; I wouldn't have called if I had known you had plans. It's not a big deal; I just figured I'd see if you were available while I was still out. I'll go get the dry cleaning and head home; do a little cleaning."
"The house is already clean…I'll go to lunch with you; it's not a problem to ditch the guys."
"Honey; it's fine, really it is," she told him. "I'm going to get the dry cleaning and go home. There's always something to be done there."
"Why don't you just take the rest of the day off, relax…read…that is if Scarlett is napping; you don't want her to break your other pair of glasses."
She laughed. "I've been trying to make sure I put my glasses in the case when I'm not using them. But speaking of Scarlett; I'm sure she'll be more than happy to keep me company…and maybe I will just be lazy until dinner. Maybe I'll watch a show or something."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes," Johanna assured lightly. "Go with your friends, I'm not mad and I'm not going to make you feel guilty. I'll see you at home. Anything in particular that you want for dinner?"
"Honestly, I wouldn't mind a steak…you know, one without a side of surprise," Jim quipped. "It's easier to chew that way."
She laughed softly. "I'll make you a non-guilt steak; what do you want with it?"
"Baked potatoes."
"Alright; after I get the dry cleaning I'm going to stop at the store and get some ice cream. I wanted some last night and we don't have any."
"I want mint chocolate chip," her husband declared.
"Alright, mint for you, vanilla for me…anything else?"
"Surprise me," Jim stated; "No, wait, we're having steak; don't surprise me."
Johanna laughed. "I promise you're steak will come in peace."
"That's all I ask, sweetheart," he chuckled. "Are you sure you don't mind me not bailing on the guys?"
"Yes! I'm going to head out now. I'll let you know when I'm home."
"Alright; I love you."
"I love you too; I'll see you in a little while."
After saying their goodbyes, Johanna slipped her phone into her purse and hooked the bag over her shoulder before grabbing her briefcase and keys and leaving her office, closing the door behind her as she said goodbye to Carla. She made her way out of the building, shivering a little as the chill in the air slapped her in the face. Fall was slowly fading into winter even though the calendar claimed that it was several weeks away. She hurried to her car, unlocking it and getting in, hoping to finish her errands quickly and head home to the warmth of her house. She could almost hear a hot cup of tea calling her name and she imagined she could easily coax Scarlett onto her lap as she relaxed in front of a show on TV. Skipping her mother-in-law improvement lunch wasn't a bad thing after all, she mused. She could have a nice relaxing afternoon at home and then a nice meal with her husband and spend the evening wrapped up in him. It would be a well rounded, peaceful day.
"Who was it?" Kate asked with a nod at her husband's phone when he returned to her side at the white board.
"Your mother," Castle answered.
She stiffened a little. "What did she want?"
"She wanted to know if lunch was still on for today. I forgot to text her last night and tell her that we have a case."
"You can go if you want," Kate remarked. "Maybe the two of you can agree on some more things about me."
"Kate," he sighed.
"What?" she asked with a shrug. "One minute you don't even like her, the next you're declaring her the Queen of right."
"First of all, I've never said that I don't like her…"
"You didn't have to; it showed," his wife interrupted.
"So I've been told…by your mother…and for the record, you're just like her in a lot of ways and I figure I can say that now since you're already mad at me. Second; I may have called her the Queen at times…but it was never Queen of right…and it was never said nicely…which is why she doesn't like me but I've been trying to fix that and now you're trying to blow it after your own months of stellar effort at repairing things with her."
"You just want to suck up to her so she won't be mad that you're writing a book for Erica Bradley."
"You know that's not true," he stated; his voice tense as his patience stretched to the limit. "You know as well as I do that I'm trying to make things better for the baby's sake. When is this mood swing of yours going to be over, Kate? It's been days now; is there any end in sight?"
His wife glared at him. "No, I don't think there is."
"You're being ridiculous, you know? I'm allowed to tell you that I have concerns…and if they're the same concerns that your mother brought up; then maybe it's something you need to think more about…but you don't want to do that because you're convinced that you're the Queen of right."
"Keep going, Castle; and you'll be the King of divorce."
He smirked at her. "Why don't you just take a break and call your mother for a few minutes? I think you'd probably feel better if you got over this thing."
"I'm not calling her."
"So you're not speaking to her anymore?"
"I'll speak to her when she calls me and apologizes for acting like I'm a selfish, unfit mother," Kate stated firmly.
"She didn't say that at all, Kate; and you know it," he retorted. "All she said was that there has to be a time where you have to ask yourself if it's worth the risk. That's not calling you selfish. It's not calling you unfit. It's telling you to think…but you don't want to because you're convinced your right…well you're not…and I think you know that and that's what you're mad about but you'd rather be mad at your mother and me. It's not exactly fair but I'm used to it…and I'm sure your mother is too."
"All of a sudden you're so sympathetic to her…when not too long ago, you were threatening to keep her grandchildren from her influence because she didn't play this lunch game the way you liked."
Castle sighed in frustration. "I'm sympathetic to her this time because she didn't do anything wrong. You brought up the work stuff, she told you how advancing pregnancy is and that you were taking a risk by continuing to hide it and you took that in ways she didn't mean at all…I know, because I heard everything she said."
"Because you were eavesdropping."
"Yes, I was; because you always shut me down when I want to talk about what happens work wise once your pregnancy is known. So, yeah, I was curious about what you had to say about it so I didn't retreat. If that makes me terrible; so be it I guess…at least now I know. I'm sure your mother will apologize; that's her nature…but she's probably waiting until she feels it's safe and you've calmed down."
"I don't want to discuss it anymore; I have work to do," she said as she turned away from the board and went back to her desk to see if the records she had requested had shown up on her computer yet.
"She asked about you," Castle said as he settled down in his chair. "She wanted to know if you were okay."
"What did you tell her?"
"I told her you were moody but fine."
"What did she say to that?"
"Nothing. She didn't respond to it; she probably figures we're busy since I told her we have a case."
"Like I said; you could've gone to lunch. That way you could get away from my moodiness," she said sarcastically.
"I'm not going; I'm staying here with you and working the case. She mentioned she hadn't heard from either one of us so she was probably worried that something was wrong. Call her tonight and get past this, Kate. I think somewhere inside you know she didn't mean it the way you think she did. She worries about you…and now she worries about the baby too. She just wants you to be safe…is that so terrible?"
"No; but she didn't have to say it like I'm selfish."
"She didn't but I'm sick of arguing the point with you," Castle remarked. "I just hope you get over this soon because you've been taking everyone's head off for the last two days…and it's getting old."
"Yeah, well, you acting like a know it all gets old too but I don't say anything."
Castle breathed deeply. "I'm just not going to say anything for awhile…it doesn't do me any good anyway. It just makes you madder so I'm just going to shut up."
"Fine with me," Kate replied as she raked her hair back from her face. She knew she was probably being irrational but she couldn't help it. She felt hurt and angry…she felt like she had made a mistake confiding in her mother and she hated feeling that way. It wasn't as easy to get over as her husband thought.
"So, how did you enjoy your steak without a side of surprise?" Johanna asked that evening as she stacked the dishes after dinner.
"I enjoyed it a great deal," Jim replied, brushing a kiss against her cheek. "It goes down a lot easier without the surprise."
She laughed. "I'm glad…I have to admit; it felt a little odd not to make a pie to go with it."
"Yeah; a part of me kept expecting cherry pie to show up," he replied with a nod; "But it's okay that it didn't."
"Did you want one?" she asked. "You should have mentioned it."
"No, sweetheart; I told you what I wanted and you provided it. It was a wonderful meal."
"I'm glad you liked it," she replied, giving him a soft kiss.
"I always do…well, you know, except for when it's served with one of those unpleasant surprises," he said with a laugh.
"I know," she agreed with a laugh of her own. "I understand completely."
His arms slipped around her. "Do you want to go out to a movie?"
Johanna looped her arms around him. "No…I'd rather stay here, find a movie in our collection to watch…see where the night takes us," she told him, a coy smile on her lips.
Jim kissed her. "I like the sound of that."
"I'm sure you do," she teased. "It kind of keeps with our steak dinner theme…only without the 'please forgive me, let's make up' vibe."
He laughed. "That is a highlight; you better be careful, you might be subtly retraining my brain not to regard steak with suspicion."
"Oh no, your brain is much too smart for that," she teased. "I got the ice cream at the store…we can have that for dessert during our movie."
"Sounds good," he said before kissing her once more. "What kind of movie do we want to watch tonight?"
"Something that isn't too heavy," Johanna replied. "Maybe something that has a little bit of fun to it."
"Does that mean I can pick an old favorite?"
"Which one?"
He grinned. "Smokey and the Bandit."
Johanna laughed. "Yeah; you can pick that one. I like that one too…I remember when we saw it when it came out in the theaters. It came out while we were engaged."
"I know…it was just what we needed in the midst of wedding planning. I think we went and saw it about four times just so we'd have a place to hide out where your mother couldn't call."
"That's true," she laughed. "We went to a lot of movies in the summer of 1977…because it was the only place we were safe."
Jim chuckled. "Those are good memories though."
"Yeah, they are," she said before stealing a kiss. "It'll be nice to revisit that one tonight."
"I agree."
Their lips had just touched in a kiss when her phone rang on the counter. "You could ignore that," her husband said lightly.
"I better check who it is before I make that decision," Johanna replied as she reluctantly pulled away from his embrace so that she could grab her phone off the counter. "It's Rick," she stated.
"He's probably calling to reschedule that lunch," Jim remarked.
A knot formed in her stomach; her son-in-law rarely called her. He always sent a text. "I better answer and find out," she said softly as she accepted the call. "Hello?"
"Johanna, are you home?" Castle asked; a serious note in his tone.
"Yeah, I'm home. Do you and Katie want to stop by?"
"No…is Jim with you?"
She glanced at her husband, worry filling her. "Yes, he's with me…why?
Jim stepped closer to her, his hand slipping into hers as she waited for her son-in-law to speak.
"Don't panic," Castle stated.
"Oh God," she said; her stomach turning nauseous. "What is it? What's wrong? Did something happen to Katie?"
Castle took a breath. "Um…there's been a little accident…and I thought maybe you should come to the hospital."
Johanna closed her eyes, feeling like the world was crashing down on her. "We're on our way," she managed to say as her stomach churned.
…to be continued