"I… I know you!" Rachel exclaimed. "I've seen you before!"
"Yeah. Where did you see me? I hope you didn't see me in real life recently, 'cause I'm supposed to be dead, ya know what I'm saying?"
"No, I mean, I remember you."
"Oh, right, you're the Lesser Cuddy. Well, it's been some, oh, I don't know, seventeen years since that happened."
"Who are you, anyway?"
"I'm Dr. Gregory House, Head of Diagnostic Medicine in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Yes, this was my office. Though I'm probably not a doctor anymore since being dead negates any position one has held in society.
"And your mother's ex-boyfriend. You probably remember your house getting smashed to bits by a car, right?"
"No? Did you save her life from that or something?"
"No, I caused it because I was overwhelmed with rage at how your mother cheated on me."
"But I never had a dad!"
"I could've been your dad! But no, Lisa had to-"
"Okay, okay, sorry for bringing that up. Now, shouldn't you get out of here? I'm pretty sure people can still recognize you, even though you technically died seventeen years ago. And why did you fake your death, anyway? Like-"
"None of your business." House quickly interrupted Rachel. "And you don't have to worry about your friend, Jacob, coming back yet. I drugged him."
"Wait, WHAT?"
"Well, I might have put some extra-strong laxatives into his water bottle so I could-"
"Wow." Rachel gave him the slow clap. "You are insane."
"Thanks for stating the obvious."
"And dry."
"Takes one to know one."
"But why are you here? And now?"
"Well, I thought this would be a good time to see my ex-pain in the ass." House started to mock cry.
"I'm serious."
"Alright. Fine. I'll tell you. You're from Krypton-"
"Oh, COME ON!"
"-and I also thought you could use some help."
"What makes you think that?"
At that point, House grabbed the big ball and started to play catch with himself. "You're kind of a genius. You lied at the age of two, which shows some really complex development in that dumb noggin of yours-"
"That's an oxymoron," Rachel interrupted again.
"You're an oxy-moron."
"Ugh, fine. Continue."
"And I've bugged you."
"OH MY GOD! What is wrong with you?"
"For starters, my leg."
"You're not only tracking me and pissing me off, you're also invading my privacy! I really hope you're not doing this to my mom, too."
"Privacy shouldn't be a problem for you. I changed your diapers, and dug through your-"
"Just answer the question."
"Nah, I got over her. Didn't get over your brain, though." House tossed her the ball, which she promptly caught. They then started a small game of ball. Catch and throw, catch and throw. The repetitiveness was quite soothing to Rachel's rushing thoughts.
"So I'm a puzzle for you? Some kind of algebra math problem you never got over?"
Unfortunately, someone started approaching the door to House's old office. House quickly ducked underneath the desk, and Rachel tried to scoot in as much as possible to hide him.
It was the blonde doctor.
"Oh, hi, Dr…"
"Chase," he finished. "Dr. Robert Chase. Your friend Jacob told me to tell you that he's not gonna be back for a while. He's got severe diarrhea."
"Oh, alright. I guess I'll go home then, since we won't get to study together."
"Okay." Dr. Chase was about to leave when he said, "Hey, you wanna join our diagnostic meets?"
Rachel was silent for a few seconds. House was looking up at her, egging her on with his eyes, as if he was saying yes, yes! Go!
"Dr. Leo, your attending, recommended you to come. You could learn some stuff."
Rachel was still silent, but a smile was slowly spreading across her face.
"And you seem pretty bright."
"Yeah, I'm definitely coming," Rachel hardly managed to repress a squeal. Yes!
She looked down and saw House's approving smirk, and started to laugh her head off. She was sure the whole floor could hear her elated cackling.