{ 44 }

The Slytherin common room was nearly empty. I sat on the couch in front of the fire. Pansy was sitting on the other end of the couch. Theo has not gotten back from his walk with Luna, and Blaise has already gone to bed.

I was worried that some of my housemates might try something tonight, especially after the standing ovation Hermione and I received at dinner.

Instead it had been quiet.

Almost too quiet.

It is making me nervous, if I am being completely honest.

The sound of shuffling steps caught my ear. I looked up from my hot chocolate to see Tristan standing next to the table watching me.

He glanced around quickly, then stepped closer.

I can tell there is something on his mind. I lifted my brow and waited for him to spit it out.

"I'm really glad you didn't die in the war." He stared up at me with wide eyes.

Beside me, Pansy coughed into her hand to cover her laugh.

I ignored her and swallowed hard around the lump in my throat.

"Me too, kid." I ruffled his hair with my hand.

Rather than walking away, he sat down on the couch next to me. I released a sigh when he rested his head against my shoulder.

"You have gone completely soft, Malfoy." Pansy did not try to cover her laugh a second time.

I suppose she is right. Then again, Hermione was right as well. Tristan and Andromeda are my family, and that means something.

[ - - - ]

Hermione was already in the sitting room when I arrived. She was sitting on the end of the couch holding a mug of hot chocolate, staring into the fire.

My lip tilted up on one end. She is sitting the exact same way I had been downstairs.

She glanced towards me as I sat beside her. She looks tired. Worn down.

Not that I blame her.

She didn't say anything. Neither did I, for that matter. We just sat there and watched the flames.

To say that I am worried about her would be an understatement. I know she is still processing everything that has happened from her trip to the Ministry to the article in the paper. The problem is, she is not talking to me about it. In brief spurts, when I ask, but otherwise she has been silent. Contemplative. Distant.

She dozed off first. Her head dropped down for a moment before she quickly lifted it back up. A few moments later, she did it again. The third time, her head leaned against my shoulder.

"Come on, Love." I nudged her shoulder. "Let's go lie down before you fall over."

She released a deep sigh. For a moment, I thought she might refuse. Reluctantly, though, she stood and followed me to the bedroom.

The charmed window showed the thick layer of snow that had already fallen. Moonlight glistened off of the trees. I went from watching the fire burn to watching the snow fall as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep beside me. Once I knew she was sleeping, I closed my eyes and counted my breaths until I fell asleep as well.

The next thing I knew, her hands were on my arm and she was shaking me awake.

"Draco…Draco…wake up."

My eyes snapped open. I blinked several times before she came into focus in the darkened room. She isn't lying beside me. She is standing at the edge of the bed, leaning over me.

"Hermione?" I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry…I just…I promised…" Her hand gripped her chest. Her breaths came in short puffs. "I can't…I'm done…"

It took a moment for my sleep-addled brain to understand what she was trying to say.

Fucking hell.

After everything that happened this past week, she has hit her breaking point.

"OK." My arms wrapped around her. "It's OK."

Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief. Part of me had wondered if she would actually ask for help or not. I have been on edge, trying to anticipate when this moment would happen. I have barely let her out of my sight for days.

"It's not okay." She pushed away from me, stumbled backwards until her back hit the wall. She ran her hands through her hair and gripped it tightly. "Gods, Draco. I am not okay! This is not okay!"

Magic crackled in the air around her. She didn't even seem to notice.

"Hermione." Slowly, I slid my hand under my pillow and retrieved my wand. Just in case I need it.

"I just…I need you to make it stop." She slid down the wall and curled herself into a ball on the floor. Her knees were pulled up to her chest. She dropped her head and covered it with both arms.

My heart clenched.

I don't know how.

"Talk to me." I moved off the bed and sat beside her on the floor. "Tell me what is going on in your head right now."

She laughed.

It was not a joyous laugh. It was dark. Disturbing. It sent a cold chill down my spine.

"What is going on in my head?" She sat up quickly. Her head struck the wall behind her. She tilted her head forward and back, hitting the wall again. She moved to do it a third time. I slid my hand between her head and the wall. "Every bad thing that has ever happened to me. Over and over and over."

Her Demons.

The Darkness.

She turned to look at me. Even in the moonlight, I can see the haunted look in her eyes.

"Hermione, Love." I cupped my hands around her face and held her there. I searched her eyes, willing her to understand. "You survived, every single time. The Darkness has been trying to beat you down. It's been trying to destroy you."

She blinked several times, trying to hold her tears in. Her hands wrapped around my wrists and held steady.

"You are so much stronger than the Darkness, Hermione. You are the Phoenix. You are going to rise from the ashes and defeat the Darkness, once and for all."

She studied me for a moment. I don't know what she was looking for. I don't know if she found it or not. I do know that she released a deep sigh and sat back with her head against the wall again.

"All of that sounds great, Draco. Very motivational. But how in the ever-loving fuck am I supposed to get these images out of my head?" She balled both of her hands into fists and hit her temples. "How many times do I have to relive them?"

I don't know how to answer her. All I know is that she is scaring me right now. Anxiety, I know how to handle. Tears, I've got that, too. But this…this angry, hostile bitterness is new to me.

"None of those things define who you are." I stood, then took her hands in mine and pulled her up off the floor as well. "The things that have happened to you, well, to us, really. They suck. They are terrible, awful things."

"You are not helping." She narrowed her eyes at me and crossed both arms over her chest.

"Despite all of that, look at us now." I held her briefly. I can tell that it is not comfort that she is looking for. Not this time. She didn't even lean into me. She just stood there, stiff as a board.

Okay then.

"Yes. Exactly." She practically growled in response. "Look at us now, why don't you? What do you see? Sunshine and bloody roses? I don't fucking think so."

She stepped away from me and crossed the room to stand in front of the charmed window.

She isn't wrong.

She is not right, either. We have our good moments. Don't we?

I closed my eyes for a moment. I thought about the morning of our first quidditch match. I nearly overslept, had to rush to get to the dungeons on time. I thought of how beautiful she looked, lying in bed. I asked her to wear my team captain shirt and she agreed.

If you do not leave me alone and let me sleep, I will curse you right before you catch the snitch. I love you, but I will do it.

The first time she told me she loved me. My heart warmed just thinking about it. I grabbed hold of that feeling and cast a patronus.

The Serpent appeared between us. Hermione released a frustrated sigh.

"It will help chase the Darkness away, remember?"

She rolled her eyes. Still, she did not move as the silvery snake slithered around her feet. It wrapped around her, from her head to her feet.

After a moment, she closed her eyes and her shoulders began to relax. Just a little. Just enough.

I moved to stand behind her. Gently, I settled my hands on her waist.

"Damn it, Draco." She finally leaned back against me. "What in the actual fuck is wrong with me?"

"There isn't a damn thing wrong with you." Internally, I breathed another sigh of relief.

She reached out slowly and skimmed her hand over the glowing scales of my patronus.

"I don't think that is true at all." She huffed out a short, humorless laugh. "Do you think…I don't know. It's probably stupid."

She turned around and placed her head against my chest. I spread my hands across her back and waited whilst she gathered her thoughts.

"It's like the Darkness knows we are coming after it. It knows and it's fighting back."

A cold chill ran down my spine.

She speaks of the Darkness as though it is a sentient being. It's not, of course.

It can't be.

What if it is?

I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat.

She called it a Demon.

"The Darkness is going to lose, Hermione. We are going to banish it back to Hell where it belongs."

Her hands curled into tight fists against my chest. She inhaled sharply. Perhaps she is thinking the same thing as I.

What if she had been right all along? What if the Darkness is a Demon?

It is pure evil, and it has been targeting her.

It is still targeting her.

The longer we stood there with my patronus wrapped around her, the more she relaxed into me. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly against my chest.

I don't know how much time had passed before she released the grip she had on my shirt. She slid her hands around my neck and leaned back just enough to look into my eyes.

The haunted, defeated look from earlier was not gone. Not yet. Now there was something else there as well.

Determination.

"Better?" I asked quietly, almost afraid to ask.

"Not really. No." She blinked slowly, sighed and leaned her head against my chest once again.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I hate that she is still fighting this same battle.

I wonder if she always will be.

"I need some fresh air." She stepped back and ran her hands through her hair. She pulled on her boots and looked at me expectantly. "Are you coming?"

Right. I glanced out the window. It looks fucking cold out.

"Give me a minute."

She waited while I put warmer clothes and boots on. Then we apparated to the balcony on the third floor.

We spent the rest of the night sitting on the lounge chair. She sat in front of me, leaned against me with my arms around her waist. We sat there in the dark. Snow fell all around us. Our warming charms barely fought back the frigid winds.

Once we were settled, she started to talk. She talked about everything, from the war to growing up with muggles.

It was a stream of consciousness flow of information. Disjointed at times, and every once in a while I would have to prompt her to keep going.

As she rambled on, her agitation seemed to wax and wane. Ultimately, though, as the sun started to climb into the sky, the anger seemed to drain from her shoulders.

Heavy clouds remained overhead. Snow continued to fall around us.

She turned on her side. Her head rested just over my heart. Her hand was on my shoulder.

"Thank you." Her voice sounds raw from talking so long.

"Anytime, Love." I pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her a little tighter.

[ - - - ]

I tried to convince her to lay back down and get some sleep. She refused.

Instead, we entered the Great Hall and took our seats at the Gryffindor table for breakfast. Harry and Ron took one look at us and instantly knew something was wrong. Neither one of them said anything, but their eyes kept darting between Hermione and I.

I expected her to pick at her food. Once again, she surprised me by filling her plate and eating every bite.

"Hermione? Everything alright?" Ginny was the one that finally asked the question everyone else was thinking.

She lifted her brow. Her eyes scanned the table. Ginny, Harry, Ron, Neville, then me.

"Ginny, why in Merlin's name would anything be alright?" She rolled her eyes and huffed. "With the exception of Draco, my entire life sucks arse."

Ginny's eyes widened in surprise. Neville choked on his pancakes. Harry and Ron looked at each other with apprehension before turning to me.

She pushed her plate away with more force than was strictly necessary.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…done." She stood up and walked away without looking back.

Fuck.

"What in the bloody hell was that all about?" Ron asked.

I released a deep sigh and ran my hand through my hair. Exhaustion seeped into my bones.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Ginny rolled her eyes and huffed a short, sarcastic laugh.

I waited for her to say something truly asinine.

"She has finally stopped feeling sorry for herself." Her lip tilted up in a smirk. "And now she is angry. Pissed the fuck off, actually. It's about damn time, if you ask me."

Not bad, Red. Pretty spot on, actually.

I finished the last dregs of my tea and followed Hermione out the door before one of them could ask me something incredibly fucking stupid.

By the time I made it to the Grand Staircase, she was already gone.

[ - - - ]

I apperated into the study. I have already checked the balcony on the third floor, the Astronomy Tower and the library.

She is not in the study, either, but I can hear her music blasting through the suite. Relief flooded through me in an instant.

Downstairs, I found her in the room of requirement. It was the same training room I had found her in before. Music blared from speakers on the wall.

She was kicking a hanging weighted bag over and over again. She switched from kicking to punching. Sweat dripped down her back.

She is absolutely magnificent.

I know enough not to approach her. I don't particularly feel like being a punching bag myself right now. I sat on the weight bench and watched her pound the weighted bag with her fists in time to the music.

I felt my eyes drifting closed.

"Go lay down, Malfoy. Get some sleep."

My eyes snapped open at the sound of her voice. I really am exhausted.

"Only if you lay down with me."

She drank half a bottle of water and turned back to the punching bag.

"Not tired." She started kicking again.

This anger fueled adrenaline rush that she is riding is going to crash sooner or later.

"Just keep doing what you are doing. I need coffee." Not my usual drink of choice, but the caffeine is definitely a must if I am going to stay awake to keep an eye on her.

"You can get some rest, you know?" She stopped and turned towards me. "You look like hell."

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes. "I hate to tell you this, but you don't look any better than I do."

She has dark circles under her eyes. Her face is red from exertion now, but at breakfast she was pale as a ghost.

I crossed the padded floor and stood in front of her. She watched warily.

"You need to rest, Love." I pushed her damp hair behind her ears and cupped her face in my hands. "We can kick the Demon's arse after you get some sleep."

Her eyes searched mine for a long moment. Then she leaned forward and placed her lips against mine.

It reminded me of our first kiss. We both hesitated, not sure what to do next. Should I deepen the kiss, or take it for what it is? In the end, my hormones won out. She pulled back, and I surged forward, capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

My exhaustion was forgotten as she molded her body against mine. Her fingers slid through my hair. Her fingernails scraped along my scalp.

My hands skimmed down her body and settled on her arse. I pulled her closer.

She moaned into my mouth. I felt the vibrations of it through my whole body.

She pulled back for some much needed air. I kept kissing her, along her chin and down her neck to her shoulder. My tongue darted out to taste her salty skin.

"Draco…" there was a smile in her voice, almost a huff of laughter. "I need a shower. I'm all sweaty."

Yes, she is.

I sucked on the painted skin of her shoulder.

She moaned again. Then she pulled on my hair, guided my lips back to hers.

"I thought you wanted to take a shower?" I smirked at her and pressed my forehead against hers.

"Are you going to let me out of your sight for that long?" She raised her brow.

I know what she meant. At the same time, it almost sounded like an invitation to join her.

I licked my lips.

That is not what she meant.

"If I say no…?" My voice sounds rough. I can already picture her in the shower, naked, covered in soap whilst water rains down on her body.

Her eyes widened in surprise momentarily.

"I didn't mean…"

I cut her off with a searing kiss.

I tried to maneuver her towards the door. My feet tangled in her feet and we both fell to the floor. She landed half on top of me.

Her laugh was unexpected, especially after the last twelve hours.

I smiled at the sound and let my head fall back on the padded floor.

She laid her head against my chest. Her arm is around my waist. Her leg is tossed over mine. Her knee is dangerously close to my cock.

I rubbed my hand up and down her back, from her neck to her hip.

She inhaled deeply and released it slowly several times.

"I love you, Draco." She said it as she exhaled and sank further into me. I lifted my head and looked down, just enough to see that her eyes are closed.

"I love you, too." I placed a kiss against her forehead. She released one more long sigh.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of her breathing. I'm not sure how long it took me to fall asleep, but when I opened my eyes again, the sun had already set.

I blinked slowly and let my eyes adjust to the darkened room. I half expected Hermione to be gone, but she is there, curled up against me still sound asleep.

I don't want to wake her, but the muscle in my neck is screaming at me to move. As carefully as I could, I rolled to my side facing her. She released a deep sigh and rolled away from me.

"What time is it?" She mumbled.

"I don't know. Late." My hand curled around her stomach and pulled her back against me. "Go back to sleep."

I was just drifting back to sleep when she released a deep sigh.

"I still need a shower." She argued, but did not move. "And I'm sticking to this floor."

As much as I don't want to move, sleeping on the floor is not exactly comfortable.

"Alright. Go take a shower. Then we can go to bed."

Reluctantly, I peeled myself off the floor. Then I took her hand and helped her up as well. As she stood, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in for a hug.

She held on to me as tight as I held on to her. For a full minute we stood locked together. Neither one of us said a word, but that didn't matter.

"Come on, now." I relaxed my hold and stepped back. "Shower. Then sleep."

[ - - - ]

After the bathroom door closed, I checked the clock on the wall and found that dinner was already over. Whilst she was in the shower, I took a quick trip to the kitchens and back. I was just finishing setting the food on the table when the bathroom door opened.

Hermione walked out in a puff of steam. She was wearing flannel pajama pants and a red t-shirt. Her hair hung loose and wavy past her shoulders.

"Something smells good." She took a seat across from me.

"We slept through lunch. And dinner." Not a surprise, considering we hadn't slept at all the night before.

I watched her while she ate. Not in a creepy way, just trying to ascertain if she is in a better mood or still angry and bitter.

There is a crinkle in her brow.

"You can go ahead and say it." She looked up at me with a pointed stare.

"Say what?" I blinked slowly.

"That you think I have lost the plot." Her lip tilted up on one side in a smirk.

"You are a terrible legilimens." I leaned back in my chair and smirked at her. "That is not at all what I am thinking."

Truly, I don't think that at all. Is it wrong that I am glad to see her getting angry over all of the shite that has happened to her? She did not deserve any of it. She should be pissed. Girl Weasley was actually right this time. It's about damn time.

A healthy dose of rightful vengeance is exactly what she needs.

"Really?" She raised her brow and huffed a short laugh. "What are you thinking, then?"

"That you are incredibly sexy when you are angry." I cringed. I did not intend to say that out loud.

She rolled her eyes and laughed.

"I am entirely serious." What the hell. She deserves to know, right? "I have missed that fire in your eyes."

She blinked twice. Her mouth opened like she was going to say something, then closed as she thought better of it. She tilted her head to the side and studied me for a long moment. Her eyes searched mine, looking for what? I don't know.

"You are fierce. A force to be reckoned with." I cleared my throat and took a drink of butter beer, daring her to contradict me.

Her mouth lifted into a small smile and she shook her head once or twice.

She moved from her chair, walked around the table and stood in front of me. Her hands settled on my shoulders. Automatically, I placed my hands on her waist and pulled her closer. She didn't resist at all, stepping closer she sat down on my lap

Her eyes held mine for a long moment before she leaned in and kissed me slowly.

"I don't know what I would do without you." She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against mine.

"Same here." I cupped my hands around her face. "I love you, Hermione."

She inhaled deeply, then her lips were on mine. It only took a heartbeat for the kiss to magnify into so much more.

It was not a kiss.

It was a declaration.

It was a statement.

It was a promise.

After several long moments, she pulled back. She shifted off my lap. Her hand found my wrist and she pulled me to my feet.

"Draco," her eyes darted to mine quickly, then to my mouth. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips before her eyes met mine again. "I know you have been trying to not push our limits. You have been holding back."

Her hands slid under my shirt. Her eyes darted to my mouth again.

"I don't want you to hold back tonight."

She is looking up at me now through her lashes. My heart is beating so fucking loud she has to be able to hear it. Or feel it. Does she have any idea what she is doing to me right now?

"Hermione…" I don't know what I intended to say. Was I going to turn her down? Push her away?

Not bloody likely.

"Are you sure?" I had to ask. Even though my hands are under her shirt now, too. Before she answered, I was lifting the fabric up. Her eyes locked on mine and she raised her hands in the air.

"Not sex," she clarified just before I pulled her shirt over her head. Her eyes sparkled and her lips tilted up in a smirk as she continued, "Not until we are married, remember?"

Oh, yes. I remember.

That's alright. I can still explore her body without having sex. I can memorize every curve, every scar, every spot that makes her moan in pleasure.

She doesn't want me to hold back. She has no idea what she is asking of me.

We ended up on the bed, nearly naked. I didn't hold back, but I did take my time. We have all night. There is no rush, no race to the end. A slow burn.

The feel of her body under my fingers. The taste of her skin against my lips. The sound of her soft moans and gasps as I explored. The intoxicating smell of strawberries and vanilla that surrounded me.

It was all encompassing.

Eventually, she straddled my lap. Her hands gripped my hair. Her fingernails scraped against my scalp.

I sat up so her chest was flush against mine. I stared into her eyes as she rolled her hips. They fluttered shut, her head fell back and she moaned out loud.

I gripped her hair and guided her mouth back to mine.

I lifted her hips and pulled her closer, setting her down right where I would want her. If we were both completely naked. And I wanted to sink deep inside her.

Her breath caught in her throat.

"Too much?" I asked roughly, fully expecting her to say yes.

She shook her head slightly and huffed s short laugh.

"Not enough." She surged forward, kissing me hard and fast. She rolled her hips. I swear if it was not for her panties and my boxers, I would be inside her right now. I nearly am anyway.

Slow and sensual went right out the window at that moment. From then on, it was a race to see which one of us would climax first as she practically rode my cock.

Soft moans were replaced with loud gasps and muttered obscenities until we both fell over the edge of euphoria.

After, we lay together in the dark, but neither one of us fell asleep. Perhaps it was the heavy snogging. Or the six hour nap we took earlier. Either way, I felt wide awake.

"Draco?" Her voice drifted quietly to me. "Can you cast your patronus? Just for a little bit?"

"Of course." I retrieved my wand and cast the charm. The silver Serpent coiled at the foot of the bed. "Have you tried to cast yours recently?"

What the hell was I thinking, asking her that? Once it was out there, I held my breath as I waited for her to answer.

"No." She cleared her throat and released a deep sigh. "No. It's been several weeks now."

Silence hung thick in the air. I want to ask her to try…but this may not be the best time.

She rolled over to the edge of the bed and stood. She rolled her shoulders back and inhaled deeply.

I moved to stand beside her and held my breath. The last time I saw her cast this charm, she was able to produce a mist and a fine silvery cord.

She raised her wand and executed the charm perfectly.

A bright silver light burst from the end of her wand. It spread across the room in a sweeping arc, held steady for several long moments, then fell to the ground and dissipated.

"Did you see that?" I can hear the smile in her voice. Her eyes were wide and bright when she threw her arms around my neck.

"I saw it." Silently, I thanked the Gods that there had been an improvement.

She is getting better. Little by little, perhaps, but still.

[ - - - ]

AN: I know…it's been forever. Real life has been crazy lately, and I have had such a bad case of writer's block when it comes to this story. That happens when I know something is going in the wrong direction. Then I have to go back to the drawing board and fix what I can. I think I finally have it the way it needs to be. And hopefully you guys like this chapter. I am much happier with it this way than the way it was.

Big thanks to Triniti Shadow and Andromeda for reaching out to check on me. I am alive and well. We will get through this story. I promise. : )

Please leave me a note and let me know what you think.

Until next time.

-mezy