"I really need to thank you," she told him from the passenger seat as she shifted slightly to look over at Jack as he drove into the mountains.
He raised an eyebrow, not sure where this conversation was taking them.
Before he could ask, Lisa waved her good hand and continued, "You've put your life on hold to come here and take care of me."
Jack shook his head and focused on the road, "You are my life. I just was too stubborn to admit that and talk to you about things. I wouldn't be anywhere else, Lise," and with that, he reached for her hand and took it in his. He smiled softly, glancing at her, when Lisa squeezed his hand in return.
"You know I love you, Jack," Lisa said quietly, and this time when he glanced her way, she was looking down at her arm there, resting on the pillow they'd propped by the door. It was finally the day, or so they had hoped. The two were making the trek back to the mountain village and hospital to see about getting her cast off. They expected x-rays and yes, expected it would come off. Lisa didn't know what kind of pain she might have or what type of rehab it would require, but it was finally a step toward her independence again. Jack had been having to help her with so much, all the little things, even getting dressed. Her clothing choices had been based on what would fit over the cast or what she could pull on. Things with zippers were incredibly frustrating, and she'd opted for a lot more loungewear these last few weeks. He'd told her repeatedly she was beautiful, and he meant it. Lisa could be dressed to the nines at a black-tie function or at home in comfortable pants with a flowing shawl and still look every bit as beautiful to him.
"You do a much better job of loving me than I have ever done loving you, and I'm trying to change that," he admitted, waiting for her to look at him before he turned his attention back to the road. She nodded quietly as he said that, and once again silence descended on the couple.
"I, ahh," Lisa broke the silence a short time later, "want to believe things would change at home, Jack, but I just don't know. I can't keep making this same mistake."
Nodding, Jack knew this conversation was coming, Lisa explaining what she was thinking about them, about their future. As much as he wanted to have this discussion and knew they needed to, he really didn't want to have it on the winding mountain roads right now.
"Lise," he glanced her way and gave her a nod of encouragement while also smiling softly at her, "I really, really do want to discuss all of this with you, but I also want to do that with all my focus, all my attention on you. These roads are switchbacks, and I certainly don't want us in another accident. I'm also keenly aware I'm driving your very, very expensive BMW and don't want to damage it either or make its owner even more frustrated with me," he winked at her. "So, if we could please, please have this conversation when we arrive, I would love to sit in the garden and talk with you about it."
She nodded, pursing her lips and then turning her head toward him again, "I'm sorry to bring it up right now. You're right, and of course, we can talk about this later. Also," she tilted her head and smiled, "I'm not frustrated with you, promise." She patted his hand and then used her good hand to shift her arm and reposition herself. She looked back at Jack, and he'd continually glanced at her and back at the road as she was responding to him. He caught her eye again after she repositioned her arm and sighed rolling her eyes, "Also, I brought it up now partly because yes, it's been the elephant in the room, but also because it was a good distraction on these mountainous roads. If I have to be honest," she sighed, frowning, "I'm still very nervous riding up here. I barely remember anything from that accident, but I can feel my heart racing and just struggle sitting here."
"Thank you for telling me," Jack reached for her free hand again and clutched it in his. He squeezed it and nudged at her, "I won't let go, not if you don't want me to. I'm trying to drive slowly, and I would never want to put you in danger. I'm sorry if you still have some trauma from coming up here. It's to be expected. I never told anyone this, but after Marion died," he paused a moment and nodded, glancing to Lisa who was studying him intently, "it took me over two months to drive down the same road where she'd been killed. I just couldn't do it, and I wasn't even in the car with her. I would go out of my way to get around that road. Thankfully, it wasn't a main road to town, but I couldn't handle it then either. Now," he said with a shake of his head, "I still think about her every single time I drive it and have a hard time accepting she died on that road."
Lisa nodded, frowning and then giving him a sad smile, "It's that road behind Fairfield's back field. I know. You remember, you drove me over there once."
"I did, and to be honest, it felt good to share that with you, to talk about Marion, to almost visit the spot. That was a very long time ago."
"Hmm, yes, I remember you took me on that drive one evening, said you wanted to show me something. I wondered what in the world you could show me so close to my own property. I'm only sorry I didn't know you then, I mean, when the accident happened. Meeting you shortly after that was an incredible gift," she squeezed at their joined hands, "but I would have wanted to be there for you, for the girls too."
"You were there for me, still are," he nudged their hands, and that had her glance toward him. He nodded, "I wasn't really ready to talk much about Marion and the accident right away. I might have pushed you away even back then had I already met you. Meeting you just a few weeks later was really a breath of fresh air. You have no idea."
She tilted her head at him as she shook it, "Gosh, I remember hearing about Marion's accident in town that next morning and thinking of the poor family, realizing I didn't really know any of you. Had I know you already, I wouldn't have let you push me away, especially then with Amy in the hospital. I know you were alone there with her until Lou came back home, and," she gave him an almost teary nod, "I've thought about that before, you alone at the hospital, knowing your only daughter had been killed, waiting to see if your beloved granddaughter would recover, and still waiting for the other granddaughter to come home. Jack," she sighed, "I am so very glad I met you all those years ago but yes, even knowing your tough, quiet exterior you can put on, know that you were alone and had to feel very alone. It's a horrible feeling to feel alone."
He acknowledged her with a nod before he spoke again, "I don't think I realized how alone I felt, what huge hole I had in my life until you and I started dating. I know I've told you before, but right off the bat, you were so easy to talk to, still are," he smiled softly at her and turned his attention back to the road. Lisa hummed quietly with a nod. Jack gestured before he spoke again, "You know, obviously I vividly remember a very beautiful and kind blonde-spunky and funny too," he winked, "striking up that first conversation with me all those years ago at that barbecue," and with that, Lisa chuckled and smiled over at him. "Here's a question for you to keep your mind off the anxiety of the drive."
"What's that?" Lisa tugged at their joined hands. "Thank you for distracting me on the drive. It's helping."
"I hate you are feeling anxious, and I'll do anything for you, Lise. So, tell me-we've surprisingly never discussed this, but what possessed you to come up and talk to me at that barbecue? I remember there were a lot of people there that day, more than I ever expected, but when Lou puts her mind to something, we both know she gets it done, so I don't know why I expected that Open House to be a failure. But, with so many people there that day, you've never told me what possessed you to strike up a conversation with me, the oldest and most depressing person at that event?"
Lisa could be heard chuckling as she leaned slightly toward him, still being mindful of her arm propped on the pillow and with a tilt of her head smiled up at him. "Hmm, well, you're wrong there about a couple of things." Lisa continued to smile, Jack nothing she must be thinking about that day, exactly what he wanted her to do to take her mind off the drive. "You might have been the oldest one there, but I didn't even notice that. I noticed a very intriguing and quiet, humble," she nodded as continued, "incredibly good looking," she added, and Jack chuckled shaking his head, "ahh, more specifically, ruggedly handsome-I've told you that I was a goner very quickly. I just found your wholesome, handsome look very attractive, very different than the people in breeding world. I'd stood there all afternoon, watching you interact with Amy and Lou, watching you with your friends and neighbors, and I just really liked what I saw. You were protective and kind with the girls, and that has never changed," she smiled softly at him. "You've always had a real soft spot for Amy, not that it's news to you. I guess it was all of that, your very good looks," she grinned, squeezing their joined hands, "the way you were with everyone, especially the girls, and I suppose just the way you carried yourself despite all that had happened. It hit me again that in all my years in Hudson, I'd never met you because I would have remembered you being so handsome. I just had to get to know you, and as you know, I wasn't kidding when I told you I needed help with Ben. He ended up being my greatest blessing that summer even though his world was falling apart with Beth's divorce. Now, as your also know, after our first conversation, it was very evident we had a lot in common, and I enjoyed spending hours and hours on the phone with you, in person too that summer," she leaned in, getting to know you, but it was all of that. Well," she winked when Jack glanced at her, "maybe it started with your looks," she mumbled and flashed a grin, "gets me all the time."
"You really do need glasses," he chuckled, winking at her.
"Even with my reading glasses," she grinned, "I still stand by my initial assessment. You tell me," she nudged his hand, "were you really so clueless to not know I was interested in you that day? I remember making some comment to you about we all need a man in our life, and I also remember seeing you blush, which is a rare sight even all these years later, but you did that day."
Jack grimaced and glanced at Lisa, which prompted her to nod and laugh. She shook her head and sighed, adding, "Wow, I didn't realize I was so bad at flirting."
"Wasn't you," he started to laugh himself, "all me. I didn't read flirting at all, whether I didn't know it was that or didn't want it to be that. I'm not exactly sure, maybe some of both. I definitely noticed how beautiful you were but told myself that I was imagining things thinking anything you said would be flirting. Plus, it was a crazy thought to me being some old man that anyone, let alone the most beautiful woman to ever set foot at Heartland, would be trying to flirt with me."
Lisa frowned and rolled her eyes, "Stop, I'm asking serious questions," she let out a single laugh.
Jack raised his hand in defense, "I'm not messing around, certainly not joking about saying that. I'd never kid around with you about how I feel or about how beautiful you are-certainly the most beautiful, but also the most gracious and most sophisticated. You are a beautiful person, Lise, inside and out. I can still remember looking up from that grill and seeing you there, your hair hanging loosely around your face, framing it, walking up to me. I honestly wanted to look around and see what hunk of a man was standing behind me because there was no way you were coming to talk to me."
"Ye of little faith," she told him, shaking her head as she raised her eyebrows at him. "So, there was no way I would ever be interested in you, just as you've told me that you didn't believe our first date could be a date until you realized it was, and then, you thought I'd brought you on a date while married to Dan. Wow," she pursed her lips and then chuckled. "Some catch I am, so deceptive," she teased and rolled her eyes. "Sounding more like Val with every description.
"Oh, you definitely are," he said with a low chuckle, and when he saw Lisa's eyes widen, he quickly clarified, playing the comment in his head, "I mean you are some catch, Lise. You're the most wonderful person. I didn't mean you were like Val at all, and I certainly don't want to discuss her other than to say there is absolutely no comparison to her in every sense of the word. "Believe me, you are quite a catch, way too good for me, but putting all of that out there, you're right-I was a mess, and I was clueless. You were a saint sticking it out with me all these years."
"Hmm, well," she pursed her lips, and Jack could see she was trying to decide how to respond to that comment, "I fell in love, that was for sure. As I've said, I'm just not sure that's enough."
Jack waved his hand toward the window, getting Lisa's attention, "I'd like to continue this conversation, but we have arrived." He watched as Lisa sucked in her breath and looked out the window. Jack noting she hadn't even noticed until he'd pointed it out, which meant that hopefully for some time, he'd put her anxiety to rest. It was a charming village, but he understood that it brought back a lot of memories for Lisa, a lot of long days and nights. He squeezed her hang again. "Safe and sound."
"I know," she nodded, letting out her breath slowly.
"We are early, early even for lunch with Tom. I know we talked about giving ourselves plenty of time to get up here today. Since it's a beautiful spring day, how about a walk? I would like to get back to the heart of the conversation, what you wanted to talk about earlier while I was driving, and this seems to be a good time and place."
She glanced at him, "We don't have to talk now. We can speak later."
"I think it's high time," he told her, turning down a narrow cobblestone street. Jack had grown familiar with the village, but he hadn't drive here yet. As he searched for a place to park, he glanced Lisa's way, waiting for her response.
"Ahh, umm, okay, yes, we can take a walk. Probably good for both of us to stretch our legs after the drive up here."
"I'm hoping we can make some positive progress through this, Lise," Jack told her as he secured a parking spot. "I know coming back here is a little traumatic, even talking about our mistakes might be traumatic in its own way, but maybe, talking through all of this here is the fresh start we need."