She had to be hungry.
Lisa had slept through the evening meal when they'd hope to start having her take some liquids to include broth and even, as a surprise, some black coffee. She wasn't just limited to clear liquids; any liquids were fine as long as she could keep them down. Then, she'd moved onto softer foods. Jack was really surprised she hadn't awakened at the smell of it, but that just told Jack that she was incredibly exhausted and still working her way back after this incredible trauma. The medical staff continued to tell him the best thing for her was sleep, especially when she'd had this concussion and significant trauma to her body, so after the coffee she'd been brought for her dinner "meal" was almost cold and Lisa slept on, Jack heated it up and sipped at it himself. He needed it; he was feeling the lack of sleep more and more each day but wouldn't do anything differently. Lisa's recovery was his only focus.
Now, though, it was early morning, and he'd repeated his routine as he had each morning-showering very early and dressing for the day. Over the last two plus weeks, Tom had been gracious enough to ask for Jack's laundry, and after trying to claim it wasn't necessary, Jack had turned it over. It had been returned washed, pressed, and folded to him the next day, and that had happened twice now. He was incredibly grateful for the grace and kindness that had been given to him. As Jack finished up for the morning, he checked his face and decided he would let it go another day; he'd been shaving a lot more regularly, but it wasn't too bad today. To be honest, the daily shaving had always aggravated his face, but he was finding a routine of shaving every other day was working better for him. Feeling refreshed but very worn out, he stepped back into Lisa's room and saw she was still sleeping soundly. He glanced at her monitors and nodded-stable and doing okay, which was a blessing. He decided to grab a cup of coffee, this morning feeling every bit his age.
The desk was still quiet, the nurses pushing through the last hour of their night shift. He gave them a small wave and sighed, nodding, as he smelled fresh, hot coffee. Bless whoever had brewed that. He ran into a woman he'd been seeing each day in the break room, no doubt she had a family member on the floor too. It was a time like this he wished he did know the language to just speak each morning. Instead, a friendly nod seemed to do the trick, and both worked around the break room. Jack stuck out like a sore thumb as a foreigner, and whatever-it was fine. He was just glad Lisa was getting the care she needed.
With a cup of strong, black coffee in his hand to really wake him up, Jack walked back to Lisa's room. There weren't any breakfast items out, but that was fine; he'd get something later. Sometimes, the day crew brought in something too. He would do something nice for all of them whenever Lisa was discharged-discharged. That sounded really good, not quite the far-fetching dream it had been just a few days ago. It was finally starting to sound like a reality, still a ways off, but a reality. That weight on him had lessened, and with Lisa now off the vent and awake at times, Jack was feeling more hopeful that she would pull through.
Returning to her room, he slid the glass sliding door closed quietly, but before he could even start walking toward his chair, he almost jumped at the sight of Lisa turning her head toward him there at the door.
"Hey," he said, fumbling the with door as he finished closing it, now anxious to speak to her. Of course, she'd awakened in the few minutes he had stepped out in over the last 12 hours. Always worked that way.
"I wondered if it was a dream that you were here," she told him as she shifted slightly in the bed, hissing as she did at the slight movement. "Then, I saw your glasses on the tray table and wondered if you'd just left them and gone home. You do forget them all over the place, and as far as the other, you can go, home, I mean."
"Not a chance," he said with a shake of the head, noting her voice sounded much stronger this morning. He waited for her to look up at him, which she did, and he gave her a sad smile but then noticed she was fumbling for her blanket. "You cold?" Just looking at her, she was trying to shift the blankets she had on her bed. She nodded at him and turned her head away.
Jack pointed at her and then turned to his bag, looking back to Lisa as he fumbled through his bag there by the door, open on a chair. "I brought you that cashmere blanket you love to cover up with at the house. It was folded on the back of the desk chair in the bedroom, and I thought it might be something comforting." Jack dug out the gray and pink cashmere blanket, something that stuck out in his room, but something that obviously reminded him of Lisa, and it was something he loved seeing there on the chair in his room all the time. They often enjoyed watching a movie in his room, stretched out and curled up on the bed. He'd put a television in there years ago so they could just have some of their own privacy and space. Lisa didn't just have some random cheap blanket for them; she loved this cashmere one, and it had become a fixed staple in Jack's room now for the last couple years. The blanket probably cost more than all of Jack's bedding combined, but that was Lisa, splurging on finer things, especially for those people she loved. Pulling it out of the bag, it even smelled like her.
She was studying him again as he retrieved the blanket. He gave her a soft smile as he placed it over her, aware he could have asked for another hospital blanket, but he really did think she would find some comfort in this. She seemed to be glad he had brought it, and as he studied her face after tucking the blanket around her, her coloring was a bit better today, some of the bruising seemed to be finally fading away.
"Thank you," she said, locking eyes with him. "I know you hate being away from the ranch and family. You don't need to stay."
"Well," he said, glancing toward her feet at the end of the bedand seeing that she had them bunched to the one side of the bed, Jack decided to sit down on the end of her bed to talk to her. He made eye contact before he started to speak again, "you are my family, and this is exactly where I want to be. Sometimes, you can take family for granted and forget how important they are in your life. I've done that and much more, but Lise, I'm really not leaving here, France, not without you. I remember you coming home to help me, dropping everything to be there for me even though we'd been fighting, and I was really glad you did. I know I didn't show it. I'm not looking for some sort of accolade here from you, but I love you, and I'm not leaving your side."
He saw her let out a deep breath and turn her head toward the window. Jack followed her gaze, glad to see she was more awake and alert than she had been. Jack let the silence settle for a few moments, but when she didn't speak, he continued, "It's really beautiful here. I see why you love this area. I've very much enjoyed the view each morning-gorgeous sunrise over the mountains. It's really beautiful since it's spring here much earlier than home, no surprise there, but the trees here are all starting to bud. It's the end of March now."
"I'm thirsty," she said with her raspy voice, and Jack sprang into action, focusing his attention on taking care of Lisa again.
"Would you like some coffee? I have black coffee, and last night, they were going to let you have that for dinner. You slept hard, which is fine, good, I mean. You need sleep, so they weren't worried you slept through dinner, but you can now have liquids."
Lisa's eyes widened, "Coffee? Gosh, that sounds good."
Jack stood, and he moved to her bedside, gesturing to the back of the bed, "I know they wanted your bed tilted at a different angle when you eat or in this case drink something. Helene said it had to be at a 40 degree angle to eat," and at that, he started to adjust things. Lisa groaned at the change of angle, trying to shift in her bed. She let a hiss escape again as Jack finished adjusting the bed. He turned to see if he could help and moved to put his arms around her back to help her shift up in the bed, adjusting her ever so slightly.
"It's painful to sit up," she said as her eyes teared up.
Jack nodded and frowned at her, "I'm so sorry, Lise. I know it has to be painful. The doctor said it would be painful, but that you would need to start sitting up more. It's your pelvis, the pain, and I known this doesn't help now, but it will heal, has been healing for three weeks now. That's the good part. Do you need me to get the nurse for the pain?"
"No," she bit her lip and grimaced, shaking her head. "I'm just thirsty."
"Right, sorry, are you sure you're comfortable?"
"No," she said, groaning, "but nothing is comfortable. My entire body hurts, I can't use my arm, all I want to do is sleep, and my head is killing me. I'm so tired," she said, almost crying.
He nodded with a sad frown as he reached for the coffee and grabbed for a straw that was still on the tray from last night. "Try to drink some of this. It might really hit the spot, and sleep is okay, but you need to eat to get stronger. Here," he offered her the coffee with the straw and put his arm around her shoulders to help her sit forward ever so slightly to drink it. She sipped just a tiny bit, paused, and with what seemed like an incredibly long amount of time not doing anything, Lisa finally sat forward and had another sip, this one longer. Jack was just glad the coffee had cooled to room temperature by now.
"That tastes really good," Lisa told him, tears running down her face. Jack felt one land on his hand there by her face, and he looked down to see her crying.
"Oh, Lise, don't cry."
"I'm just so tired and feel out of it. I have so many emotions, so much to yell at you about, and I'm frustrated you're here and just, just," she sputtered, and then paused, Jack waiting for her to finish. She burst into tears then. "I'm so tired."
"Hey," he said softly, putting his arms around her shoulder and squeezing her arm, "this is a mess. Let me help you. I promise you can let me have it when you are feeling stronger, but right now, we're almost the only people here who speak English, and misery loves company on top of that. I've been miserable without you, and I can help you here when most can't. Now, I know you speak some French, but trying to remember that as you're just trying to stay awake isn't really the best idea. Why don't you have some more of this coffee, and when you finish, you can sleep more. You've had a head injury, well, an entire body injury, major trauma to your whole body, and rest is good for you, but getting off this feeding tube is really important too."
He picked up the coffee off the table again and held it up for her to sip, neither of them saying more. Lisa sipped at it, taking her time and taking small sips, but eventually, she finished the entire cup.
"That's it, Lise," he nodded with a small smile as he moved away to put the empty cup on the tray table. "Really big step, Sweetheart, finishing that. I'll tell the doctor that when he rounds. Still so early. Are you okay after that coffee?" Jack turned to look at Lisa, and she was leaning her head back on the pillow again, nodding.
"There's nothing okay about me. I'm a little dizzy sitting up like that, and I'm really tired. Can you move the bed again. I don't want to sleep at this angle."
"Of course," he told her, moving to adjust it again. He was glad she was both awake and letting him help her, but right now, she didn't have much choice. She couldn't do anything for herself, and as he'd pointed out, even communicating right now with the language barrier was difficult.
"Thank you," she said, yawning as she closed her eyes. "That coffee hit the spot. Can you tell the nurse I want to brush my teeth? I feel so horrible, I mean, all over-even my hair feels awful."
He nodded, "I'll tell her. Slow progress each day. They said that once they get you off that feeding tube, they will start getting you up, helping you get cleaned up more, and yes, that will be painful. The nurses have been doing what they can each day, but you've also been here now over three weeks. I'm sorry everything is so painful."
"There's nothing in my life right now that isn't painful," she said, and as Lisa said that more tears ran down her face. She had her eyes closed again, and Jack sighed, reaching over to wipe at them. He reached for his handkerchief and gently put it in her hand, patting her hand as he did.
"I'll wipe every tear you have, knowing I caused most of them," he said sadly to her. "I know you want to sleep, Lise," he told her, reaching over to squeeze her shoulder. "I'll be here when you wake up. I love you, and I know I need to tell you that more."
Lisa had her eyes closed and seemed to be drifting off to sleep again. Jack stood there, hand on her shoulder, hoping he was able to offer some support and comfort to her. He was about ready to step away and take up residence in his chair again when she opened her eyes again and turned her head toward him.
"I've never stopped loving you, but I don't know how to stop being angry at you. I can't trust you right now, and I'm not sure my feelings there will change. You ruined us." More tears started to stream down her face, but she turned away from him.
At that, almost as if she'd said her peace, she closed here eyes again, ready to fall asleep once more. Jack just nodded to himself; Lisa's eyes were closed, and as he thought about her words, he got choked up too. He reached up to run his hand over her hair, knowing that always was comforting to her when she had a headache. Jack stood there, repeating the motion over and over until he heard her snoring softly once again.
Lisa had spoken, quite literally, spelling out her struggles with him. He knew there would be more, probably even yelling when she was feeling up to it, but she'd cut to the core of the problem-trust. He'd lost her trust in all of this, and Jack only hoped he could earn it back by being here for her, showing up, staying, fighting for them, and loving her-TELLING her he loved her over and over, day in and day out. Anything else, life without Lisa, well, he'd had that and never, ever wanted to imagine it again. He had ruined them, and now, he needed to do whatever he could to fix them. He just hoped Lisa would give him one more chance, even if he didn't deserve it.