He'd been sleeping but must have been sleeping pretty lightly because when he heard the slider open, his eyes sprang open, and Jack snapped his head up. He'd fallen asleep, unaware that he had his mouth open and head bent back onto the couch cushion. Now, his mouth was dry and neck hurt, and while he'd had a nap, seeing Lisa home meant that he'd failed there too. He started to rub at his neck while he made some motions with his mouth to try and clear his dry mouth. As he thought about it, he wondered if he had a cup of coffee there, and as he really caught up with things, he noticed Lisa thankfully, still using her cane.
"Hey, what are you doing home? I was going to get you from the salon," he sprang up, groaning as he did to help her. He made sure to steady her hand as she took a step out onto the porch and then closed the slider once she stepped toward the couch where he'd fallen asleep.
"I'm home from the salon," she looked to him and waved one of the fingers on her broken arm at him, "and you were out here sleeping."
"I'm so sorry, Lise," he sighed. Jack felt like he had failed her again. "I never expected to fall asleep."
"Why sorry? You don't have anything to be sorry about here," Lisa eyed him as Jack stepped over to help her sit. "A quiet afternoon resting on the porch, and you didn't think you would fall asleep? That's a recipe for falling asleep, but you did nothing wrong. You're exhausted from weeks and weeks in the hospital too, not to mention your own recovery. Ben picked me up," she told him with a nod of her head. "He texted me an hour ago, said he'd checked on you, and you were sleeping. It was really no issue, Jack," she told him as he helped her sit and then took up his same spot at the other end of the couch. He did shift to face her and nodded.
"Glad he could get you. I must have been sleeping for a couple of hours. You look much better, I mean," his face flushed, and he started to stammer. "You are always beautiful to me, but I know you were not happy your hair roots had grown out. You look a lot more like your youthful self." Jack gave her a soft smile before he also added again, struck just how beautiful she was, "You look beautiful."
"Youthful," she rolled her eyes, adding, "I suppose it's in the eyes of the beholder, and when the beholder is in his 60's, maybe I am youthful." Jack noticed she didn't comment on his 'beautiful' comment, but he let that slide.
"That's how I see it," he shrugged. "Youthful and beautiful always to me. So, how was it, doing something normal?"
She flung her head back and sighed, "Heavenly. I cannot tell you how much that helped. I still ache and have pain everywhere, but that made me feel like a person again." She readjusted her head and looked over at him, "Weeks and weeks in a hospital really mess with you. Who am I kidding? Anytime in a hospital messes with a person. Do you realize it's the middle of April now, and we can count more days in the hospital than out of for this year so far? I know we discussed something about that, but what a mess."
"I agree. No more hospitals."
"Thank you again for setting up things, you and Ben. Really needed that, and it looks like you got in a nap while he got in some studying."
Lisa's new phone rang, and she shifted slightly to dig it out of her pocket, glancing to him as she retrieved it.
"It's Amy."
"Hope nothing is wrong," Jack sighed, shifting at his end of the couch. Lisa answered the call, gesturing at it, "Video call."
"Hi, Honey," Lisa smiled at the phone. A soft smile crept across Jack's face hearing Lisa addressing Amy, and when Lisa turned the phone so he could see her too, Jack shifted closer to Lisa.
"Lisa! I'm so glad to hear you are home. How are you feeling? Oh, and Grandpa, you're right there too. Good. I can chat with both of you."
"Hi, Amy," Jack said with a wave of his fingers. "Nothing's wrong, I hope."
"No, not at all. I'm just in from the morning chores, saw the email message that Lisa was home, and I decided to see if now was a good time to chat. Lisa, you really are looking much better."
She nodded, "Can't say I'm exactly feeling much better, but I do feel like a new person. I got my hair and nails done today, which sounds vain, but it was really great."
"Not vain at all. You've had a horrible couple of months, and I'm really happy you are starting to recover. I know your stable will be glad to hear it as well."
She nodded, "That's one of the things on my list for tomorrow. I really would love to get a video chat going tomorrow afternoon, after my physical therapy session. I know you have been keeping me up on business, but it's high time I start back to it as well. I'm still just too tired today to concentrate."
They both watched Amy nod, "That will be great. I know that you've had a couple of colts born, and Harry can catch you up on those specifics. I'll head over there after lunch, which has been my norm, and I'll let them know."
"Great, thank you. Ahh, with the time change, anytime after 10 AM for you, so let me know what time tomorrow is best."
"We've got to get Ben to the airport tomorrow too, and you said you wanted to ride along for that," Jack gestured to Lisa. "Full day. You sure you're ready?"
"I'll be okay," she let out her breath.
"Grandpa, I took Paint out for a ride last evening. I know he misses you, but he is okay. Everyone in town is asking when the two of your are coming home?"
Jack felt Lisa look to him, the question of the hour. He shook his head and frowned before answering, "I don't have an answer to that, Amy. Lisa's recovery is the most important thing. Thank you for taking care of Paint and everything at home. I need to be here for Lisa. She's not supposed to fly for the time being after she had all of that swelling and brain mess."
"I'm doing okay," Lisa leaned toward Jack, putting her arm on his as she answered. Jack rolled his eyes and waved his hand to her broken arm.
"Sure, that broken arm screams okay, not to mention the broken pelvis no one sees, but the cane gives away."
"Well, home just isn't the same, Grandpa. Oh, and Ty said to tell you he was looking forward to a good ride on your motorcycles when you get back. I told him I wasn't sure you were still riding."
Jack laughed lightly, nodding, "For Ty, I'll ride. Tell him I look forward to it too, but right now," he reached over and put his hand on Lisa's back, "I need to be here."
"I understand. Lisa, I wanted to talk business before I go to Fairfield, especially if we are going to get caught up tomorrow."
"Okay, I'm ready."
Jack patted Lisa's leg and stood, gesturing to the house, "I'll let you two talk business. Lise, how about a cup of coffee?"
She gave him a relieved look and nodded, "That sounds wonderful."
"I'll let Ben know I'm up and see if he wants anything too." Jack leaned down and kissed her cheek, not at all hesitating to do so even with Amy on the phone; everyone needed to know how much he loved her. He waved at Amy again before stepping away. He knew they had a lot to discuss, but things were crazy right now. She was recovering from the accident, had a lot of work to catch up on still, Ben was here, and just life. They'd talk eventually. For now, he was more than content taking care of her.
Later on, the conversation flowed easily and to other topics, which was a relief to Jack. "So, when I graduate from law school in two years, I'll have to decide what type of firm I want. I'm thinking environmental, especially after all my time in Alberta," Ben explained to them over a light dinner. While out picking up Lisa, he'd gotten some take out, he and Lisa deciding that Chinese sounded good. There had been a local place not far from Lisa's salon, and now with the food home and warmed a bit, the three were enjoying an early dinner on the patio. Lisa's patio was the popular location for most things at the house, and tonight's early evening sky was providing a beautiful start to the sunset.
Jack nodded as he chewed, "I thought a lot of those environmental lawyers stuck to cases against oil companies, off shore drilling, things like that." With a raised eyebrow, he asked, "Is that what you want to do?"
"Ahh," Ben shifted his head from side to side, "I mean, it's part of it, but even in firms with environmental lawyers, there are those who specialize. Really, it's about understanding the various levels of government from the federal to the provincial laws even down to local laws regarding environmental concerns. Think of water issues, tainted water, air pollution, even controlled burning. I got a different perspective on things the summer I spent in Alberta with you two, and I realize how much the environmental concerns can affect your jobs. Jack," Ben gestured and then wiped his mouth, "if the government imposed some new water restrictions or dammed up the water upstream, think how that would affect you-"
"Destroy us," he said nodding.
"So, I would take a case like that, fight for the ranchers. Think about things like the air quality and how that affects your herd. Same with chemicals in the soil, what is permitted for the crops. If would affect all animals in different ways, even Lisa's," he gestured to her, "breeding of her horses. Imagine if the grass or water they were ingesting was suddenly now full of harmful things."
"I think that field fits you well, Ben," Lisa smiled warmly at her nephew. "With the vast wilderness of Canada, that also sounds like a job that could take you just about anywhere."
He nodded, "We'll see where I end up with an internship this summer, but yeah, it could. I'm not sure I want to go back East, but I'm also not sure I want to stay in Vancouver. It's nice and all, but maybe just not my speed."
"Maybe Calgary would be a good fit," Jack nodded at Ben, winking as he added, "closer to family too, and someone we both know well would not at all object to you being nearby."
"I really wouldn't," Lisa smiled softly, nodding at Ben. "I'd love it if you ended up in Calgary or anywhere else within a short drive. I'm really proud of you, Ben."
"It might give me an opportunity to ride again. Haven't ridden since the start of undergrad. I just got too busy, but as we're all talking about here these last days, things really get put into perspective at times. I'm seeing that now. I miss being out riding and just outside of a city. Who knows," he waved. "I have a five year plan, or I'm trying to have one, but it's still murky."
Lisa raised her eyebrow at him as she continued to chew, finally asking him, "What else is in this five year plan? I haven't heard mention of a significant other."
He grimaced, nodding, "Haven't met her either, but I'd like to, again, the murky part of the five-year plan. Truthfully, five-year plan is a murky mess, but I'm trying to sift through it. Ultimately, yes, I'd like to finish law school, set up in my new job, and be in a relationship with someone special. I just haven't met her yet."
"Give yourself time, Ben," Jack nodded his encouragement. "Often, those things happen when you least expect," he glanced at Lisa with a small nod and looked back to Ben adding, "maybe even where you least expect it. I found that to be the case in my own yard at my own barbecue."
"Discussing my moody teenager at home," Lisa winked at Ben, and the three started chuckling. Ben nodded.
"Glad I could be of assistance in breaking the ice with you two all those years ago. To think, had you not had me to talk about, Lisa, you might not have even caught the eye of Jack."
Lisa glanced at Jack and pursed her lips. Jack could see she was thinking and what nice memories they were to think back on. She looked back over at Ben, "Remembering back to that time, I think I would have found something to discuss with him, even if it wasn't you. I met Amy first, so that wouldn't have changed, and yes, then, I saw him at that barbecue, but after that, I would have found something. You were as easy discussion. Jack and I were both dealing with teenage angst. You and Amy had some things in common, and while you hadn't lost your mom like Amy had, you'd lost your family unit with your parents' divorce. We did talk a lot about the kids, at least at first, ehh?" Lisa eyed Jack. He nodded in agreement.
"That we did. A lot going on. Thankfully, you, Amy, Lou, Ty, all of you-you seem to be figuring things out, but life isn't easy."
Ben nodded, "I wasn't exactly pleasant at Heartland, Jack, and I'm sorry about that. I remember thinking you were crazy for suggesting I do chores, but it was good for me. I'm surprised you didn't put me in the barn loft with Ty."
"Thought about it," Jack chuckled, sipping at his iced tea. He nodded to Lisa, "You can thank her, at least the fact that I wanted to please her. It took everything I had when your attitude would flare up not to send you to the barn to sleep, but I kept asking myself what your aunt would think. I wanted her to be pleased with the situation."
Lisa recoiled and made a face, "I was pleased. I wanted him to have a male influence, and you gave him that. He was alone at Fairfield, just me, and we all know that the adult relatives aren't always cool. Ben did well settling in with Amy, Lou, and Ty, even Mallory, teaching some jumping lessons and all."
"Don't forget Ashely," Ben grinned and then rolled his eyes. "What ever happened to her?"
"Married Caleb, but that's been on the rocks," Jack shrugged.
Lisa grinned, "Her mother was horrified. Glad you didn't pursue that more. I like Ashley just fine, but her mother is a piece of work. Val Stanton," she grimaced.
"I remember her being a lot-dramatic and all and hard on Ashley," Ben nodded in agreement.
"She's been through a lot too, losing her own husband, and yes, she can be too much, but she's always been okay as a neighbor."
Lisa glanced at Jack and frowned, "I'm sure she's counting the minutes until you arrive home, that is if she knew your return date."
"She can keep wondering," he said with a shake of his head. "I'm where it's important."
"That does bring up a question," Ben eyed them. "When are you going home? I know you have to stay for a few more weeks for physical therapy and some follow up on your arm."
"Not sure," Lisa shook her head. "I do like it here."
"I can't answer that either. I'm here to help Lisa."
"I've told you-" Lisa tried to interject, and Jack shook his head, before he patted her hand.
"We've talked about this. I'm not leaving. Now, Ben," he turned his attention back to Ben, "in this five-year plan, where are you looking at doing an internship?"
The three continued their discussion, any topic geared toward Ben deemed a safe thing to discuss. Jack's mind started to wander eventually, not that he hadn't enjoyed Ben, but he just had a lot on his mind. He snapped his head back to the conversation when he heard Ben start to address him.
"Jack, what's the future look like for you two? You going to travel more and take a step back at home with ranching?" Jack found Ben asking him, very much interested in his answer. Jack knew Ben was just asking, but it was one of the worst things to ask right now. He glanced to Lisa who had shifted and turned her head to look at him.
"I, ahh, I'm not sure," he shrugged. "My heart attack threw me for a loop, didn't see anything like that happening. It's no secret I'm getting older, but I'm not dead either. Whatever the future holds," he looked to Lisa and finished answering as he locked eyes with her, "I want to figure it out together, plan it together."
Ben's phone rang, and he picked it up, gesturing to them, "This is one of my study partners. I need to get back to my books-"
"It's fine, Honey. We'll get this," Lisa pleaded with him, and Jack nodded, starting to stand as Ben jumped up.
He gestured to the kitchen as he started for it, "I'll put up the Chinese if you can just get the plates, Jack."
"Will do, thanks," he nodded to him, and as he sat back down, he let out a long sigh, "and then there were two."
Lisa looked down, smiling and nodding, before she cleared her throat, "I'm really proud of him."
"You should be. He's turned into a great young man. Good head on his shoulders. He'll be a great lawyer, environmental," he let out a chuckle. "Good for him."
"Gosh, it doesn't seem that long ago he was giving us both a hard time at home, but," she said shaking her head, "it's been eight years now. Lots of changes."
Jack nodded, shifting to sit sideways to look at her. "Yes, lots of changes, but there are things that have barely changed. Ben there," Jack said waving his hand, "about his five-year plan, it got me thinking about that."
"Oh yeah, what?"
Jack locked eyes with her, "A five-year plan, OUR five-year plan because I would like to discuss that with you."
She frowned, "I'm not sure what next week looks like, let alone five years from now."
"Well, maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe we do need to talk this through, see what we think, where we are, where we want to be, Lise. I mean, you just said it, eight years. Yes, we've had a lot of good memories and good times over the last eight years, but we're no closer to making any life-changing decisions."
"We have, though," she told him, sighing. "We've been down all these roads, Jack-"
"And sometimes, you have to go down them again to see if there's still a roadblock because that's what I think we've had. I think we've faced a lot of roadblocks and instead of finding ways around them, we've just thrown up our hands and turned around, sometimes, trying a completely different path, but often, going down the same one over and over. It's crazy, Lise, but I want to talk about this, about a five-year plan."
She raised an eyebrow, "Do you have one, a five-year plan, I mean?"
"Well, yeah, I mean, not dying. That would be a start to mine. I want to be around in five years. I'm going to try to do better with my health, see the doctor for issues and checkups even if that goes against everything I want to do. It's important though, especially because I want you in my five-year plan, my 25-year plan, if I am so lucky."
"That would make you 100."
He nodded, "Life is crazy. I might just will myself to it, especially if you agree to be part of that 25 year plan. I pushed you away after my heart attack for some of these same reasons. I didn't like where I thought of myself being down the road, whatever it was, two years, five years, and I didn't want you stuck taking care of me. We've talked about this a little, but it wasn't fair to just make this all about me. It's about us, what we want. I have told you I don't expect or even want you to stick around out of some sense of obligation-"
"That's never what it was! I didn't come home after your heart attack thinking 'Poor Jack-someone needs to care for him.' I came home because I loved you and wanted to be with you, no matter your health state."
"And that is why I came to France and also why I'm not leaving. Lise, this isn't just a trip to check on you. I get it now. The idea of you just kicking me out, exactly what I did to you, I'm so sorry. I'd be devastated and know you were. I was miserable, but I know I did that to myself. I've come here to be with you, and I'm here trying to discuss our plans."
She frowned and nodded, finally eyeing him, "Saying you want to be with me-that's where we always hit that roadblock, if we're using your analogy. That's where I've been saying even though we love each other and have acknowledged that, it's just not enough."
He frowned but waved his hand at her, "What is your five-year plan? Put it out there."
She took in her breath, surprised at the question, maybe even surprised Jack would put her on the spot. She shook her head, not sure what to say and threw it back on him, waving her hand, "What's yours?"
He didn't hesitate, "A life with you. I know we've struggled to figure that out, but I want to do that. I want to try and compromise, but I want you to do that too."
"We've never been able to agree on what that is, all the way back to the two of us arguing about commitment to each other."
"And that ended with a very embarrassing and good intended but poorly executed proposal years and years ago."
She nodded, frowning, "One that made us really examine things. The facts from that time haven't changed. We still live very independent lives. As time has gone on, I've felt less and less important to you, and that does hurt. That was a problem back then, with this time in question. I felt like we were falling apart. I felt like you valued Val more than me-"
"Val Stanton has never ever caught my eye and never will," he told her firmly, looking to her. "I will say that over and over, Lise, and I want you to believe me. I need you to believe me. I've never had feelings for her."
"I know that, but I do feel that you value her friendship even more than our relationship, and you and I have had a much deeper and personal relationship than you would with her. She's not the problem here, though. The fact is we are. We are just too far apart. We discussed this before Lou got married, and here we are, years later, getting ready for Amy's wedding, and we're still stuck, probably even worse off. We've tried, argued, broken up, and maybe," she took a deep breath, and her voice hitched as she answered, "that's all we'll be."
"I'm not willing to accept that. Yes, I made a lot of mistakes. Yes, I broke things off with you. Yes, we've struggled, but I've also seen a glimpse of life without you, Lise, and it's miserable. I want to fix things, to figure out some middle ground. Where do I see myself in five years?" Jack looked to her, and Lisa who had bent her head, finally looked to Jack when he put that out there but hadn't answered. He nodded when she looked at him, "Married to you. That's where. I'll put it out there because we're not doing well holding the cards close."
Lisa's eyes widened at Jack admission. She pursed her lips and opened her mouth to talk, closed it, and then, she thought, pursing her lips again. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she glanced to Jack and waved her hand, "We've talked about that too. That's what I was saying. Even when we discussed getting married before, we took it off the table. It's been off the table for years. You've made it very clear you don't want to get married to me. I'd never ask you to do that."
He shook his head, "The only person I'd ever consider marrying is you, and that's what I would like to do, Lise. Somehow, over the years, that discussion long ago of not getting married turned into a never getting married. I don't know when or why or how that happened, and I apologize for any mixed signals, but it's never been a case of never wanting to get married. It wasn't the right time then-"
"Our circumstances haven't changed, I mean, that you run a massive cattle ranch, and I run a multi-million dollar stable operation."
"Okay," he said rolling his head. "I'm not disagreeing with our jobs, but our careers should not define our personal lives. Even though they have their own issues, look at Lou and Peter. I never thought I would have an oilman under my roof, yet they make something work."
She scrunched her face, "You never thought you'd have anything to do with a wealthy horse breeder as you have told me, yet-"
"Yet, you're the most important person in my life but have failed to show you that. I've just taken that for granted, assumed you would always be there, and that was wrong. I have gotten comfortable with us being us, not pushing for more. You deserve more. You're not just someone around the ranch. I want you as my wife, Lisa," he nodded, adding, "and this is not a proposal. I botched up one before, but this is us laying out our cards. That's what I want."
"Even saying that," she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "there is still no plan, no resolution."
"Okay, fine. My five year plan-to get you well, to go home, both of us, to get married. That's the start of it. I'd like us to live at Heartland, and before you say that we're back to all that I want, I need to say this. I can't just up and leave a 600-acre cattle ranch. It's on me. Tim and I have come a long way, yes, but this ranch is my responsibility and has been in my family. The girls call it home. I don't know if Lou will stay or go, but even now, she and Peter are making it their home. I'd like you to live there with me as my wife. I want that. I want you part of the daily routine. I don't know what Amy and Ty will do when they marry, but knowing Amy, I don't see them leaving either. I want you, Lise, only you. It did take me time to get to this spot, to wanting to remarry, but that was my issue to work through. It was never about loving you; it was about my letting go of things and embracing a future with you. That's what I want. I believe you can still run Fairfield even if you live at Heartland. We can discuss some ideas for the house, but you could work there each day and come home. You have a large staff. I mean," he waved his hand, "we just heard Ben say he wasn't sure what his future looked like, but it sounds like he is feeling a pull to Alberta too, even after that one summer with us. Let him live in the house, be the bigshot lawyer in Calgary. I'm not asking you to sell or change Fairfield. I'm just asking that you consider merging our lives. We do need to work together better. We're both so used to being on our own, in business, even in our personal lives, and we can do better at that. I'm not asking you to become some roping rancher-"
She eyed him, "I've never minded the different lifestyle, the ranching, the cowboy lifestyle."
"I know," he nodded, "but it's also not what you like."
"I've liked plenty of cowboy things, including cattle drives, and long trail rides. Those are not in my world, but I've embraced them. Can you say the same?"
He shook his head, "And, I need to do better about embracing your world. No, I'm not going to start collecting race horses like you do, but I can go to more of your auctions, not just the handful I've been to over the years I can count. And, yeah, you got me on the travel. I don't enjoy it for a hobby, but it's your job, and I can support you more about it, travel with you some. I really have taken a liking to your expensive wines. We enjoy those, and while you might say that's not a big deal, it is. It's common ground, and I want to find more of that or at least ways we can enjoy things the other likes, or more like I need to enjoy more things you like."
She frowned, "I've just wanted to spend time with you, and you've always made it about not leaving the ranch, staying home-"
"I have, but things change. I'm trying to change. Yes, I can leave the ranch. I see that now. I do prefer being home, but if it's going to be a choice of the ranch or you, I'm picking you. I realize I kept pushing off any discussion of a future to avoid exactly a conversation like this. You deserve the world, Lise, and if that means traveling it, I'm hoping we can compromise. I support your traveling, but I'm not sure I can jump on a plane with you all the time. I think we can find some way to compromise. I'd never stop you from traveling, from chasing your dreams, but maybe we can do some traveling closer to home, find different adventures. I've always been simple-a trip to the cabin is as much of a getaway as I've needed, but I need you, and if you need to travel, we'll work through it. I'm not going to refuse it all together, but just want to find something we both can enjoy, something where we are both comfortable. I've been here so long in France, staying at your house feels comfortable, so maybe you can teach this old cowboy something new. So, five years from now, I want to look back at this accident and say that as horrible as it was, as horrible as the start to this year has been, it was a turning point for us. I want us to be happy again. We've been before. I want to sip coffee or wine by the fire in the evening with just you. I want to take you to dinner even if it's just Maggie's, knowing you deserve better, but we just enjoy the food and company of home-Hudson home. I want to sit beside you as your ridiculously expensive horses win races, even more to comfort you if they lose. I want to sit by you at one of your auctions and watch you at work, noting the way your eyes twinkle behind those sunglasses you like to wear when competing in an auction. That's what I want to do. I want to enjoy our sunsets on the porch after a good burger, Heartland beef. I want to figure this out together because the glimpse of life apart wasn't pretty."
When he finally got all of that out, he reached for her hand and clasped his with hers, looking at their hands. He searched Lisa's expression, hoping she would look up, but she seemed to be looking at the floor, maybe just looking at nothing. Finally, their eyes met.
"I, ahh," she shrugged, "do love you," she paused and dropped her chin as she looked at him, continuing, "but I am going to say it again that I'm not sure it's enough. I'm not," she shrugged, tears now at the corner of her eyes. "I've been hurt a lot, Jack, and I can't go through that again. Even sitting here, saying all those nice things-it's different at home. Life gets in the way of us, always has, and I can't just continue like that. I appreciate you putting your cards on the table, but I'm struggling to see things changing at home. You'll disappear to the day-to-day of the ranch, of the kids' messes, of Tim's issues-all of that because it's what you do. You're a good, loving family man. You do love your family. I just still don't know if I fit into that, even when you say you want that. I'm not sure I see you making time for me, not just as someone to sit next to you at dinner. As much as I love work, I have always said I just enjoy spending time with you, but I can't be second choice at home. I suppose in other ways, I'll always be second choice, the comments from everyone about Lyndy. I'll never live up to that-"
"It's not a competition," he shook his head. "It was about closing out a big part of my life and embracing the rest of my life with you. It's not something to compete, Lise."
"I think I know that, but she always comes up, if not with you, with the girls too, and that's okay. She was their grandmother, even if I've known them longer than she did before she died. I just can't feel second best in every single aspect. I want to be loved, to be made to feel special. I've been all in for years, Jack, and I suppose after thinking you're not, I've been starting to pull back. I just don't know."
"I've taken you for granted too many times, and I'm sorry. I love you and want to spend whatever life I have left showing you and proving that to you. I want you to be the first person I see and think about each morning and the last I look at each night. I want to sip coffee day and night, talking to you, and if you are away for work, I want to talk until we fall asleep. I can't promise change for me will be easy, Lise, but I will continue to try and to show you that you matter, above all else."
"I think I would like to be alone, just sit out here, please," she gestured. Jack gave her a sad glance and nod, finally then stood and collected their plates.
"I get that, and I'll clean up dinner. Can I get you anything?"
She let out a long breath, "A redo to years ago, before Lou's wedding, where we should have just hashed out everything then and there instead of dancing around it."
"I'll add a re-do to my telling you to leave and not go to Arizona with me. You're right, about a lot of this mess," he said with a firm nod. "Back then, we didn't want to upset Lou, but that ended up upsetting us and our future. We agreed we liked things how they were, but we didn't put any sort of timeline to re-evaluate that, and this confusion about never getting married-that's on me. You've even said that a few times over the years, that I'd put marriage off the table. I'm sorry," he leaned down now in front of her, hating to be standing over her have this conversation. "I never should have let you continue to think that. It just," he paused and shook his head, continuing, "was easier to not stir the pot, to just let things be, and in doing so, things fell apart."
"Thank you for saying that," she told him, offering a small shrug. "I keep telling myself it shouldn't be this hard, and that because it is," she said letting out her breath, "that should be a warning sign. It's hard, though," she nodded, "because-" and with that she dropped off, shaking her head as she glanced away.
Jack nodded too. It was hard because they loved each other, the unspoken words known to both of them. Because he loved her so much, he knew he would continue to fight for them. She'd fought for them for years, and he'd just let things slowly fall apart. He was determined to put them back together. Jack reached for her hand and just held it. Lisa knew he'd give her space, and he would, but for this brief moment, he just wanted to hold her hand and look at her. His sad eyes met hers.
"I really love you."
She nodded, wiping at her eye. Jack just watched for a moment, finally, pulling her hand up to kiss it. He groaned as he started to stand, her hand still in his, but she did squeeze his hand before he let go of it. He needed his hand to brace himself the rest of the way up, but at his last quick glance, he leaned in and kissed her cheek and then the corner of her mouth. He didn't want to push his luck further, and she squeezed his hand, now on the table to stand, one last time as he stepped away.
"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."