The legalities: I do not own any of the Expendables franchise (characters, places, and objects especially) and this is mostly au.Rated M just to be on the safe side.

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Hope you enjoy!

Prompt: "I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list."

"Amazon, I need you to keep Church distracted."

Jacoba groaned and leaned her head back against the plane before turning to look at Barney, who was standing next to where she sat. The team had just finished a mission with Church in tow and she could see said man out of the corner of her eye, seemingly bugging the other members of the Expendables as they attempted to load up the plane. Raising an eyebrow at Barney, she asked, "And why, pray tell, am I the one who needs to distract him? Also, why do you need him distracted?"

Barney sighed as he looked back down at her. "He is getting in our way, insisting that we all talk about how the mission went and what we could have done better. You know that we do that, as a team, back at the hanger after we've landed. Without him present."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. So, he is attempting to force a debrief on the team when we aren't that far removed from the mission. I have noticed, however, that you haven't answered my first question as of yet."

Sighing yet again, Barney leaned up against the side of the plane. "That's actually a simple answer, which you already know."

"Ugh, I hate it when I get hit. Alright, but you owe me big time, boss man." Turning slightly, Jacoba raised her voice and said, "Hey, Church! You mind coming over here for a minute? I need to pick your brain about something."

~~~Distracting Church~~~Distracting Church~~~Distracting Church~~~Distracting Church~~~

Half and hour later, Jacoba was just about at her wits end. She had successfully kept Church distracted and out of the way as the team. However, she had been reminded as to why she rarely interacted with the man. He was so full of himself that Jacoba wasn't entirely sure as to how there was enough room in his house for both him and his ego.

When Gunnar finally appeared to carry her onto the plane (her leg had only been grazed by a bullet, but the entire team was refusing to let her do anything until she had gotten it checked back in the States), she breathed a small sigh of relief before turning to Church, who still hadn't stopped talking even through he had seen the Viking coming. "Church."

"What?"

"I think that your team needs you."

He quickly looked over at his guys before turning back to her. "They'll be fine; we aren't done with our conversation."

Jacoba glared at Church before she reached for the now-smirking Swede, who bent down to scoop her up. "Actually, I believe that your team may be more interested in what you have to say. I, on the other hand, need to be heading back to the States. I did get shot, after all."

With that, Gunnar took her hint and walked away. She sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Viking?"

"Yeah?"

"There are a lot of things that I actually regret in this life. But having that conversation certainly tops the list."

Gunnar let out a bark of laughter, causing the rest of the team to look at him quizzically while Jacoba just smirked. They would fill the rest in on the plane ride home.