Chapter 5

Helena was exhausted after spending hours smiling and talking with people. She had struggled all night to hide her anxiety and distress. So far, she had succeeded, but right now all she wanted was to go to her chamber and get some rest. Unfortunately, she couldn't do that yet. The night wasn't over; all the lords and ladies wanted to meet their new king. Thankfully, Uncle Tyrion had hosted the crowning celebration with Jon and Helena.

She glanced at her betrothed, who was talking to Lady Sansa, or Queen Sansa, as she would soon be called. So would Helena. The thought was nothing but unreal. She would be the Queen, the King's wife, the mother of his children. He would come to her bed and… The thought made her shiver; she couldn't help it. He had been very polite to her, but she had no idea how she would get through that part of their marriage. How could she let him touch her?

She didn't want to be touched, not after what had happened in the tower. No, she needed to forget that. She would fulfill her duty somehow. Yet she couldn't deny that she was intimidated by him. He was a tall and muscular man. Stronger than her. A soldier. Just like… No, she needed to stop. Uncle Tyrion had assured her that he wasn't a cruel man. A gloomy man, perhaps, but not cruel.

Helena took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She glanced around the room, watching the faces of the guests. Most of them were smiling and laughing, enjoying the festivities. She envied them, their carefree demeanor. But she knew she had a role to play, a duty to fulfill.

She and Jon had met three days ago, and they hadn't really spent much time together. Tonight, they had barely had time to greet one another before the celebration had started.

"Helena?" Uncle Tyrion's voice suddenly said, startling her. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," she assured, placing a smile on her face. "Everything is fine. I'm just a little tired."

"I'm sure you are. This has been a long day."

"Yes. Long but successful, I believe."

Tyrion nodded. "Indeed. Our new King has done well. So have you, I might add."

"Thank you, uncle," Helena replied. Tyrion's presence calmed her a little, but she still had to struggle to keep the smile on her face. She wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to continue this. She really missed the privacy of her chamber.

"Excuse me," Tyrion said when someone called for him.

Helena asked a servant to bring her a glass of cold water; she was hot and thirsty. Couldn't this night be over already? She had spoken with all the members of the small council, lords, ladies, and everyone who had wanted to meet her. It was strange, really. This was the life she had used to live, but it felt so foreign now.
She missed the silence, and in a way, she missed the solitude too.

Not that she would ever want to be locked up again, but… Right now, she was exhausted, she couldn't deny that. If only… Her thoughts were cut off when a young woman suddenly appeared in front of her. Helena startled, she had been too occupied to notice the woman.

"Lady Arya," she greeted the woman, once again placing the polite smile on her face. "Good evening."

Her betrothed's cousin observed her for a brief moment before replying.

"Princess Helena."

"It's Lady Helena, Lady Arya," she corrected. "I'm not a princess anymore."

She had assumed that everyone knew that, but if she had understood correctly, Lady Arya wasn't at all interested in titles or etiquette. Or gowns, apparently, she was wearing similar clothes to Ser Brienne.

"But you'll soon be a queen," Arya stated.

"Yes," Helena replied cautiously. "I was honored to accept His Grace's proposal."

"Why?" Arya asked sharply.

Her question stunned Helena.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Why did you agree to marry a man you barely know?"

She certainly wasn't subtle.

"Well… His Grace and I both believe that our union will benefit the kingdom."

Arya frowned. "Is that all?"

"Forgive me, I don't understand…"

"Jon is my brother," Arya cut in firmly. "I won't let him be miserable."

Helena looked at her for a moment before she managed to reply.

"I see," she stated as calmly as she could. "And you believe I will make him miserable?"

"You're Cersei Lannister's daughter," Arya replied simply. "Are you like her?"

"I don't believe that my mother and I have much in common. I will try my hardest to be a good wife for His Grace."

Arya's gaze softened slightly, but she remained skeptical. "Trying is not always enough. Jon deserves happiness."

"I understand," Helena said, meeting Arya's eyes. "And I will try my hardest to make him happy."

Arya observed Helena for a long while before replying.

"Alright, I'll give you a chance."

"Thank you…"

"But know this." Arya paused and leaned towards Helena. "If you make my brother miserable, I will make you miserable. And believe me, you don't want that."

"I believe you," Helena replied sincerely.

"Good. We understand each other then."

Helena nodded. "Yes, we do."

Arya turned around and marched away. Helena was grateful when the servant returned with the glass of water. Clearly, Lady Arya wasn't very happy about Jon's decision to wed Helena. She wondered if that was how everyone saw her: Cersei Lannister's daughter. Of course, Helena had seen how unhappy her parents had been in their marriage.

Could she expect anything more when she was already afraid of her betrothed? It didn't matter. She would find a way to fulfill her duty to him. Thankfully, she didn't have to worry about that yet. Right now she really needed to lie down.

"Pardon me, Your Grace," she said as she walked over to Jon. He was still talking with Lady Sansa.

"Yes, my lady?" he asked as he turned to look at Helena.

"With your permission, I would like to retire."

He nodded.

"Of course, my lady. May I escort you to your chamber?"

"I don't wish to bother you…"

"It would be my pleasure," he assured and offered her his arm.

She smiled and wrapped her arm around his.

"Please excuse me, Lady Sansa," she said.

"Of course. It was a pleasure to meet you again."

"You too. Good night."

"Good night."

Lady Sansa had changed just as much as Lady Arya. When Helena had first met them all those years ago, Sansa had been a carefree young lady and Arya a wild little girl. Now Sansa was a serious and respected leader and Arya a fierce warrior. And Helena… She was a pathetic shadow of the person she used to be.

"Is everything alright?" Jon suddenly asked.

Helena hadn't even noticed that they were in the corridor already.

"Yes, Your Grace, thank you. I do apologize for leaving already…"

"No need to apologize. Thank you for all your help today."

"I'm glad if I was able to be useful."

"You were more than useful," he assured. "Thank you."

"You are welcome, Your Grace."

"Please, Jon. We are alone now."

Helena hadn't noticed that. The corridor was quiet; there was no one there apart from them and two members of the Kingsguard who kept their distance.

"About the wedding," Jon continued after a moment of silence. "I spoke with the members of the small council and all of them thought that it would be smart to arrange the wedding ceremony now when all the lords and ladies are already here. Would that be alright?"

Helena felt a lump in her throat, but somehow she managed to nod.

"That… That sounds like a practical plan, Your… Jon."

"Yes," he murmured. "I realize this comes sooner than either of us expected."

"How soon would that be?"

"After a few days. There are all kinds of preparations."

"Yes, of course," Helena stated, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside her.

"I know it's a lot to take in," he said after a moment of silence. "If there's anything you need, feel free to ask."

Helena nodded, trying to maintain her composure. "Thank you, Jon. I'll be ready."

He cleared his throat before continuing. "I would like to have you in my chamber tomorrow."

Her eyes widened. "I...I beg your pardon?"

"No, no, that came out wrong," he murmured, shaking his head. "What I meant was that I would like your company tomorrow. In the morning, if you don't mind. I... I have a very busy day ahead, but I want to spend some time with you before everything gets hectic."

Helena blinked a few times, still processing his words. "Of course, Jon. I would be happy to join you."

He nodded. "Thank you. We'll have breakfast in my chamber. I'll send for you. Is there something specific you would like to eat?"

"No, no, anything you like is fine."

He cleared his throat again.

"Good. Bring some of your paintings, I would like to see them."

His words were a painful reminder of the discovery she had made a few days ago.

"I am sorry, but I can't," she said quietly.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Why not?"

"Because I couldn't find any of them." She paused, regaining her composure. "I was told that my mother burned them."

"Oh," he murmured, clearly uncomfortable. "I am sorry to hear that. Your mother... she did many things that were hard to understand."

Helena nodded, her eyes downcast. "Yes, she did. But it is in the past now."

"Yes… I know it's not the same, but perhaps you could paint something new. I'd still like to see your work."

Helena looked up, meeting his gaze. "Thank you, Jon. I will try to paint something new."

"Good," he said, giving her a small nod. "I will see you in the morning then."

"Yes, in the morning."

As she closed the door to her chamber, Helena allowed herself a moment to breathe. The weight of the upcoming days loomed heavily over her, but she was determined to get through them. Somehow.