Chapter 14
Helena's breath caught for a moment as Jon lifted her effortlessly onto the edge of the table, his touch gentle despite his strength. The slight surprise quickly gave way to a smile as she tried to keep the moment light.
"Forgive me, but my neck is starting to hurt," Jon murmured with a teasing tone between kisses.
"Are you making fun of my height?" Helena asked, her voice playful though her heart raced beneath her calm exterior. She was determined to get past her nervousness tonight, to finally push through her fears.
Jon chuckled softly, his hands continuing to caress her back in soothing motions. "No, absolutely not," he assured her, his voice a low, comforting hum. "Your size is perfect for me. I can pick you up whenever I feel like it."
"As long as you won't drop me," she huffed, keeping her tone light.
Jon smiled at her playful huff, his hands still moving gently over her back as he held her close. "I promise I won't drop you," he said softly, his voice full of warmth. "Wait here for a moment, I'll be right back."
Helena watched him marching to the door and giving instructions to the guards standing behind it.
"We won't be bothered now," he said, giving her a warm smile.
Helena returned his smile, although she was still nervous.
"Where is Ghost?" she asked, suddenly realizing the direwolf's absence.
"He's outside with Jareth. He'll stay in my study tonight."
"Won't he be mad at you tomorrow?"
Jon chuckled at her question, his smile widening as he returned to her side. "He might be," he admitted, his tone light. "But he'll get over it. Ghost knows when to give us space."
As Jon stood in front of her again, his hands found their way back to her waist.
"I think he's a little possessive of you," Helena said, trying to keep things light despite the nervous energy she felt.
Jon smiled warmly. "He is," he agreed, his thumbs brushing gently against her sides. "But so am I. That's why I wanted to make sure no one disturbs us tonight."
He continued kissing her, pulling her body tightly against him. This was fine. His kisses felt nice. He didn't suffocate her or forced his tongue into her mouth. He was her husband, not the man who had hurt her in the tower. This was fine. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, getting used to his closeness.
"May I undress you?" he panted between kisses.
She nodded, feeling her heart pounding faster. This was fine. He had seen her naked before. He was her husband, not the man who had hurt her in the tower.
Carefully, Jon lifted her from the table to the floor, ensuring she felt secure in his arms. His hands moved slowly, gently unlacing Helena's dress with the utmost care, as if he were handling something fragile. He kissed her neck softly as he worked, taking his time. He could sense her nervousness, the slight tension in her body, and he wanted to reassure her with every touch that this would be different, that she was safe with him.
"This is fine," she repeated to herself, her breath coming in uneven paces. As her dress loosened and slid off her shoulders, Helena felt the rush of vulnerability, but she reminded herself she was safe. He was her husband, not the man who had hurt her in the tower. This was different.
Jon stepped back slightly once the dress fell to the floor, his gaze soft and full of admiration as he took her in. "You're beautiful," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, but he made no move to touch her immediately, giving her time to adjust.
Helena exhaled softly, grateful for his gentleness. She wrapped her arms around herself for a moment, feeling exposed but trying to focus on the tenderness in Jon's eyes rather than her fear. This was fine.
Jon stepped closer again, his hands reaching for hers. He gently guided her arms away from her body, holding them in his own, his touch reassuring. "We'll go as slow as you need," he whispered.
Helena nodded, her heart pounding, but she let herself lean into his warmth, trusting him more than she had trusted anyone in a long time.
"Hey," she protested, her tone light as he suddenly scooped her up.
"I told you, your size is perfect," he hummed playfully. "I can pick you up whenever I feel like it."
"You better be careful," she huffed, grateful for his attempt to ease her tension. "I might be short, but I can still bite."
Jon chuckled softly at Helena's playful warning, the sound warm and reassuring in the quiet room. "I'll be careful, I promise," he teased, adjusting his hold on her with ease. "But I think I can handle a little bite if it comes to that." His tone was light, but there was a tenderness in his gaze as he carried her over to the bed, setting her down gently.
Helena appreciated Jon's effort to keep things lighthearted, to make her feel comfortable despite the vulnerability of the moment. "Just remember, I warned you," she quipped back, though her heart still raced.
Jon leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before brushing his fingers through her hair. "I'll remember," he whispered, his voice gentle.
Helena took a deep breath, letting the warmth of Jon's presence settle over her. "This is fine," she reminded herself again. He was her husband, and he wasn't going to hurt her.
She felt a flush rising in her cheeks as he undressed. She had never seen him naked before, not even on their wedding night. At least, she couldn't remember.
Jon watched Helena closely, noticing the flush that had spread across her cheeks, and he softened his approach immediately. He could sense her hesitation, her nerves, but he didn't rush her. "Helena," he said gently, his voice a soothing balm in the quiet room. "Is everything alright?"
Helena nodded quickly, though she couldn't quite bring herself to meet his eyes. She felt too embarrassed, too vulnerable in that moment, and her heart raced with uncertainty. But she didn't want to pull away, not from him, not now. It was still difficult to shake the nervousness, the unfamiliarity of it all.
Jon didn't press her for more. Instead, he returned to the bed, sitting beside her, his movements slow and careful. He leaned in and pressed a soft, reassuring kiss to her lips, his presence steady and warm.
Helena allowed herself to relax into the kiss, her earlier fears still present but not as overwhelming. This was different, she reminded herself. This was Jon, her husband. This was fine.
He continued kissing her slowly, his hands never leaving her sides. Everything was fine. Helena allowed herself to believe that this moment didn't have to be filled with fear. He wasn't hurting her.
After he felt her relaxing, his hands began roaming over her body as his mouth left a trail of kisses along her jaw to her ear. This was fine. Everything was fine.
Finally, his mouth lowered to her breasts, his lips closing around her nipple. She gasped, expecting pain. It didn't come; instead, he gently sucked both of her breasts while his hand went between her legs. She instinctively braced herself, expecting pain again.
"Helena," she heard his soothing voice whispering in her ear. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."
It took a moment before she realized that he didn't thrust his fingers into her, he simply used them to rub her. It felt strange; she didn't understand why he was doing this. As he continued, she started to feel something even stranger. Something was happening inside of her; she felt pressure low in her stomach.
A strange noise escaped her lips, and she felt her hips arching against his hand. Before she had time to wonder what was happening, she suddenly felt his mouth between her legs. Her eyes widened and she gasped, unable to understand what she was feeling. What was he doing?
"Jon," she gasped, unsure of what she wanted to say. None of what he was doing felt bad, just…foreign.
"It's alright," he assured calmingly. "I'm not going to hurt you."
Her shaking fingers clutched at the sheets as she desperately tried to control herself. She failed miserably, crying out as her body was suddenly shuddering and her muscles flexing. She had never felt anything like it before. He raised his head and gently touched her cheek.
"Did you like that?"
Somehow, she managed to nod.
"It was… strange, but not bad," she murmured. "What… what was that?"
He smiled as his fingers kept caressing her cheek. "That's what intimacy is supposed to feel like."
"Oh… I never imagined…"
"Do you want to continue?" he asked after a moment of silence.
She nodded determinedly. This was fine. He was her husband. He was careful as he climbed on top of her. This was fine. He wasn't trying to cause her pain. She felt his hard member pressing against her thigh.
"Are you ready?" he asked, gently caressing her cheek.
She nodded, giving him a smile. This was fine. Slowly and gently, he pushed himself in, his thumb stroking her cheek.
"Are you alright?" he asked as she gasped.
She nodded, feeling slight discomfort, but not pain. He didn't move, giving her time to adjust to him. She took a deep breath, getting used to the foreign feeling.
"Am I hurting you?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.
She shook her head, breathing through the discomfort. "It just feels…strange."
"Do you want to stop?"
"No, I'm alright."
He began moving, slowly and gently as if he feared breaking her. This wasn't bad. He wasn't hurting her. Judging by the noises he was making; he was enjoying this. Somehow, that made her feel pride. He could have any woman he wanted, and he had chosen her. He wanted her. Not Lady Cynthea. Helena wasn't as tall or as striking as Lady Cynthea, but Jon had chosen her. He was breathing faster and faster until he finally spilled his seed into her. After catching his breath, his closed eyes opened to meet hers.
"Are you alright?" he asked softly, his thumb brushing along her cheek as he studied her face.
She nodded, offering him a warm smile. "I'm alright."
He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before rolling onto his back beside her. She nestled her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I would like you to sleep in my chamber from now on," he murmured after a moment of silence. "Just sleep," he added quickly. "I'm not expecting... this every night. I simply want you here with me."
She nodded. "Alright."
Jon smiled softly, feeling a sense of relief wash over him as Helena rested her head on his chest. Her warmth, her presence, it was all he truly wanted. Now that she was lying beside him, he felt more at peace than he had in days.
"I'm glad," he murmured, his hand gently stroking her hair. "You being here, it feels... right."
He paused for a moment before continuing. "Did anything that I do feel bad to you?"
"No, it was just…new. I expected pain, but you didn't hurt me."
Jon let out a quiet breath of relief at Helena's words, his hand still moving gently through her hair. He had been so careful, worried that any misstep might cause her discomfort. Hearing her say that he hadn't hurt her made his heart feel lighter.
"I'm glad," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. "That's all I wanted, to make sure you were alright."
Helena's fingers traced small patterns on his chest as she spoke, her voice soft but steady. "I was afraid… of what it would be like. But you were gentle, Jon. I think... I think I can let go of some of that fear now."
Jon's grip around her tightened just a little, offering her silent reassurance. "You don't have to be afraid with me," he murmured. "And…if you want to talk about…anything, I'll listen."
Helena shook her head. "I don't want to ruin your evening…"
"You're not ruining anything," Jon cut in. "You can trust me, I promise."
Helena was quiet for a while before replying.
"The man who hurt me… He was a guard. He… He came to the room where I was kept. He always smelled like ale and sweat. He enjoyed…tormenting me. Humiliating me. He said that he would kill me or…bring others to hurt me if I would ever tell anyone."
Jon's heart clenched painfully at Helena's words, his chest tightening as he listened to her quiet confession. His arms instinctively tightened around her, pulling her closer as if he could shield her from the pain of her past. He could hardly bear the thought of anyone hurting her, let alone in such a horrific way.
"I'm so sorry," Jon whispered, his voice filled with emotion. "You didn't deserve any of that, Helena." His thumb brushed gently over her shoulder, offering her comfort in the only way he knew how. "I swear to you, no one will ever hurt you like that again. Not as long as I'm here."
Helena was silent for a moment, as if weighing his words. Then she nodded, though her fingers still traced nervous patterns against his skin. "It was a long time ago," she murmured. "But sometimes it feels… like it was just yesterday." Her voice trembled slightly, betraying the strength she tried to hold on to.
Jon pressed another kiss to the top of her head, his heart aching for her. "I can't change what happened to you," he said softly, "but I'll do everything I can to make sure you feel safe now, with me."
Helena didn't reply right away, but Jon felt her body relax slightly against his. It wasn't much, but it was something. Trust, slowly being rebuilt.
"Thank you," she whispered eventually, her voice barely audible. "For listening."
Jon nodded, though she couldn't see it. "You're my wife," he murmured. "You're not alone in this anymore."