The bright light woke me the next morning. I wasn't sure what time it was but I assumed it was late considering how bright it was.

My head was pounding and I was feeling a little nauseous but not as bad as last night.

My heart sank…

Last night. The party. The kiss.

I remembered everything and I couldn't believe I did that. I've never done something so bold before. I thought back to the kiss. I realized now how one sided it was, which made sense because Tanya hadn't wanted to take advantage of the situation. She had mentioned that if I wanted to do it again, now that I was sober, she would be happy to participate.

Did I want to kiss her again?

If I was being honest with myself then yes, I did want to kiss her again. Whether or not I would admit that to Tanya… I wasn't sure.

I frowned at the thought of Tanya. I opened my eyes, groaning when the light hurt my head, and looked around. Somehow, I just realized that she wasn't here. She wasn't in the house at all. I couldn't feel her at all, which meant she was several miles away.

I wondered how long ago she left. I didn't recall waking up in the middle of the night or ever noticing she was gone.

I looked around the room and found a note on the nightstand, next to the water and pills she left for me.

Bella, it read.

I had to leave to hunt. I also wanted to give you some time to yourself so you could consider what we talked about last night without my interference. If you don't remember what we talked about, you can simply disregard this message or ask me about it if you want to know.

The others are around if you need them, or me. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Tanya

P.S. Take the pills and drink some water. It will help. I'll bring you food when I return.

I hadn't considered that she would need to hunt. It had never really been an issue for us. She usually hunted when we were separated so it didn't affect me. I imagine being surrounded by the humans at the party had made it more difficult for all of them.

I decided to take her advice and took two Ibuprofen and downed half of the water. I laid back down and closed by eyes, waiting for the medication to kick in. It wouldn't be instant, despite my hope. I would love to go back to sleep but I owed it to Tanya to follow through and express my feelings. So, I opened my eyes again and grabbed the pen and paper beside me.

It turned out expressing my feelings was a lot more difficult than I expected. I knew what I wanted to say. I simply could not figure how to phrase it. This one letter would change everything for me and for Tanya. It had to be perfect.

Tanya, I wrote.

I always considered myself good with words but now, staring at this piece of paper, I find it difficult to express myself.

For you to truly understand where I am at now, I have to go back to last year…

When I met Edward, I had no idea what he was. I was…entranced by him though he frustrated me. We grew close and eventually fell in love. I was ready to give up everything for him in order to be a part of his family. I wanted to turn, almost as soon as I learned he was a vampire. He didn't want me to turn. He said I didn't know what I was asking for. He was right, even if I didn't believe it then.

Falling in love with him was quick and intense. It consumed me. I chose him over everyone, even my own father. I realize now, it wasn't healthy. It wasn't right for me. Whatever my future holds, it has to include my father.

I know you probably don't want to hear about this, to hear about how much I loved him, but it's important for you to know.

I told you about the day Edward left. But what I didn't tell you was that I tried to follow him when he ran but I got lost in the woods. I…gave up. It was like nothing mattered anymore. I laid down on the forest floor and waited for it to end. I didn't want to die. I don't want to die. I wanted the pain to end.

When Charlie told me were moving to Alaska I wanted to fight with him. I wanted to refuse to go in case they came back. But I didn't because I knew it wouldn't matter. Charlie is as stubborn as I am. My only option was to go with him or go to Florida with my mother and I choose Charlie.

I promised myself when I came here that there would be no more vampires. I figured it would be easy enough promise to keep as I went through my first seventeen year without ever meeting a vampire. But then I met Irina. I told myself it was okay. She was my boss and it would be minimal interaction. Then you showed up to that party and I realized the tugging I had felt had led straight to you. I tried so hard to keep my distance, even after you told me about the mate bond. I wanted to fight it. I tried to fight it. I owed it to Charlie to resist. I wasn't good at it.

But I find now, that I cannot fight it any longer. I don't want to love you because I'm terrified of being hurt again. I know you say you would never hurt me, that you would never leave me. But he promised me the same thing and he broke that promise. I wouldn't survive if that happened again, especially not from you.

I once told you I didn't love you. At the time it was true. I didn't love you then but I think I've been falling for you ever since. I didn't realize it was happening until it was too late. Now that I know, now that I've really considered my own feelings… I think it was inevitable. No, I know it was inevitable. I think that's why I fought it so much. I wanted the choice.

Irina said something interesting not long after you and I met. She said Edward was my first love but you were intended to be my last and sometimes that takes longer. I think that's why I didn't realize what was happening. Everything with Edward was so fast but with you it was slower, so slow I didn't realize it was happening. Nor was I able to fight it.

I remember everything about last night. I remember seeing those college boys flirt with you and you were right. I was jealous. It wasn't rational. I knew deep down that you wouldn't go for them. But I couldn't help but think how much easier it would be for you if you had a less complicated mate. The more I watched them, the angrier I got. All I could think about was how you were mine.

I knew exactly what I was doing. Yes, I was drunk but I wanted to kiss you. I wanted everyone to know that you were mine. I'll be honest, if I was sober, I probably wouldn't have kissed you in front of everyone but I have no doubt I still would have kissed you. I wanted you to know that, you deserved to know that.

I promised you I would give you a real chance. When I said that, I did mean it, but looking back, I see that I may not have meant it. I haven't given you a real chance. But I think I'm ready now, truly ready, to try and see where things go with us. I can't say it will be perfect and I'm still terrified, but I want to try. I need to try, if you'll still take me.

Love, Bella

I read through the letter twice in order to make sure I was satisfied with the results. I thought I would be embarrassed but instead I felt nothing but relief. I was glad I could lay it all out in the open. The fact that I told her I was ready to attempt some type of relationship with her surprised even myself. I was willing to try but I wasn't sure if I was truly ready for a relationship so soon after Edward. I felt the only way I would really know for sure was if I tried.

There was a knock at the door that pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up. I knew it was Tanya. I had felt the tugging as she got closer and closer. I had simply ignored it in favor of finishing the letter.

"Bella," Tanya called opening the door slightly so she could look at me. "Can I come in?"

I nodded and waved her inside. It was weird that she was asking permission to come inside her own room.

Tanya walked inside carrying a plate of food. "Carmen made you breakfast," she explained. She sat the plate of scrambled eggs and toast on the nightstand next to me. "She figured something light would be good for you. How are you feeling?"

I'm okay. A little nauseous and a headache but I took the pills.

Tanya nodded. "That's good," she said. This… hesitation with her was strange. It was as if she didn't know how to react around me. I didn't like it. I liked her confidence. In a way, it boosted my own confidence. "I called Charlie last night. He wasn't happy about the drinking but he was happy you had fun. He asked that you text him sometime today."

I glanced at my phone on the nightstand. I wanted to text Charlie now, to assure him I was alright but I knew that would turn into a rather lengthy conversation. I'll text him later. I handed her the letter. I finished. I'm going to… I pointed to the restroom and got out of the bed and headed to the bathroom. I really didn't want to be in the room while Tanya read.

While Tanya read the letter, I decided to freshen up a bit. I washed my face and brushed out my hair. I would have loved to take a shower but I didn't have any of my clothes here to change into.

I don't know how long I stayed in the bathroom. I wanted to give Tanya plenty of time to read and process my letter. She wouldn't need more than a few minutes so I assumed it was safe for me to leave.

Tanya was standing in the same position I left her in. My letter was still in her hand.

Tanya looked up when I walked back into the room. I made my way over to the desk where the plate of food that Carmen made for me. it wasn't a gourmet meal, just some eggs and toast with butter, but it was perfect.

"Bella," Tanya started. I looked up from the plate. "We have a lot to discuss." She paused when she saw the piece of toast in my hand. She shook her head. "It can wait until you eat," she amended.

She sat quietly on the bed while I ate. She didn't watch me. Instead, she flipped through a magazine. I wasn't convinced she was actually reading it. It was more likely she was pretending to keep herself busy while I ate.

Once I finished, I put my fork down and went back to the bed to sit beside Tanya.

"You said you wanted to try, to see if there is a future for us," Tanya started. I nodded. "What I'm wondering, is if you've considered what that means?" I frowned, not entirely sure what she was getting at. "I thought so. That does make this a bit easier. Bella, would you consider going on a date with me?"

What would a date with you look like?

I was going to say yes. I had already told her I would. But I did want to know her expectations before I committed so I could be prepared.

"Well, you mentioned last night you wanted to see Anchorage," Tanya started. "We could spend the day there. I would pay for lunch, or dinner, whichever you prefer. We could also walk around the shops."

It was a simple date night idea. I honestly expected something extravagant like Edward would… I shook my head. I needed to stop comparing Tanya to Edward. They weren't the same. Other than the vampire thing, they weren't all that similar.

"We could do something else," Tanya said when she noticed me shaking my head.

No, I signed quickly. It wasn't you, I was just thinking. That sounds like a perfect first date. I frowned. Charlie?

"Are you worried about him being upset about our date?" Tanya questioned.

A little, I admitted. I knew Charlie wasn't thrilled about the idea of us together. But Charlie knew it was going to happen eventually. He'd be more upset by how soon it was happening.

"Your father loves you," Tanya said gently. She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down beside me. "He's worried about losing you and after everything I don't blame him. It'll take time for him to really see the differences between us and the Cullens and for him to realize we're not trying to steal you away."

I don't think he'll ever be okay with this.

Tanya shook her head. "I don't believe that," she disagreed. "All Charlie wants is for you to be happy. If he sees you happy, if I make you happy, I don't think he'll fight it."

I leaned against her and she wrapped an arm around me. "We can take this as slow as you want," Tanya said softly. "If I ever move too fast, I want you to tell me."

I nodded against her. Are the others still here?

"Carmen is in the kitchen," Tanya replied. "Kate and Irina went on a hunting trip and Eleazar is in his study."

I thought you were… I didn't know how to sign hunting but luckily Tanya understood what I meant.

"I went local," Tanya explained. "They prefer to go farther away." We sat quietly for a few minutes. "You should text your father. He'll worry."

I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to Charlie. Hi dad, we made it safely last night. I had fun and I'm safe.

Charlie's response was instant. I'm glad you had fun Bells. Do you know what time you will be home?

Not yet. I really hoped he didn't ask me to go home early.

No rush Bells, just be home for dinner. There's something I want to talk to you about.

I didn't respond to his message. Instead, I put my phone back on the nightstand. He said to be home by dinner, I signed. Do you know what he wants to talk about?

"I do not," Tanya said. "He didn't mention anything to me either when I talked to him. I wouldn't worry about it right now. If it was an emergency he would have said something."

I nodded. She was right. It was very unlikely this was an emergency. "Was there anything you wanted to do today?"

I thought about it. Only one thing came to mind. Shower, I told her.

Tanya laughed. "You're welcome to shower here. I could run to your house and get you some of your clothes if you want," she offered. "Or, if you're comfortable wearing my clothes again."

I'm okay with your clothes. I… I like wearing your clothes. They smell like you.

Tanya grinned but she didn't say anything. She got off the bed and pulled me with her. She went straight to her dresser where she dug out a pair of yoga pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. She handed them to me before going to her closet and pulling out what looked like a gift basket.

"I made this for you," she said embarrassed. "It's not much. Just some basic things I knew you would need if you ever stayed here. If you prefer different shampoo or anything, let me know."

I looked inside the basket and found a bottle of shampoo and conditioner, the same strawberry kind I used, a loofah, body wash, floss and mouthwash to go with the toothbrush and toothpaste she gave me last night. There were also other things like lotion and deodorant and to my embarrassment undergarments.

"Is it too much?" Tanya asked nervous.

I took the basket from her and sat it on the dresser, along with the clothes, before hugging her. No, it's perfect, I signed when I released her. Thank you.

"Go, shower," Tanya said. "I'll be here when you finish."

I grabbed the basket and clothes and headed into the bathroom. I dug through the cabinet for a towel before stripping off my clothes and setting them aside. I turned on the water and spent a few minutes fiddling with the temperature before it was just right.

I put everything I needed into the shower. I stepped under the warm water and instantly melted. All the tension I didn't realize I had was gone. I quickly washed and conditioned my hair. I felt so much more awake and so much cleaner now.

I quickly finished up and shut the water off. I could hear soft music coming from Tanya's room. It made me wonder what she was doing in there.

I dried off and wrapped the towel around my hair before getting dressed. Tanya had the most comfortable clothes which probably meant they were expensive.

I gathered my clothes and left the bathroom. The gift basket was left in the bathroom for the time being. Tanya had changed while I was in the shower. She was wearing another pair of yoga pants and a tank top that didn't really fit in with the cold weather.

Tanya looked up. "You look better," she noted.

I sat the clothes on the dresser. I feel much better, I signed.

"That's good," Tanya said sitting up. She eyed the clothes sitting on her dresser. "You can put those in my hamper. I'll wash them next time I do laundry."

I didn't argue with her. It would be pointless anyway. Despite feeling much better after my shower, I was still very tired.

"Are you okay?" Tanya asked. She was right in front of me, reaching out and touching my cheek. I didn't even hear her move.

I nodded. Tired.

Tanya dragged me back to her bed. "Take a nap with me," she requested.

I settled into her arms and closed my eyes.