After re-watching the episode, CHERUBS, I decided to, after the stunt Caboose pulled in 'Spring Broken', to give him a well-deserved day off. Hey, he needs it to not bother anything. Which is ironic to say because he's gonna bother a few people.
And if people are pointing out how Caboose went to the Greed Ring, I'll tell you this. There will be characters in this story who comes under the assumption that Caboose is very unusual for a Sinner. It would gain the attention of several Seven Deadly Sins and would like to invite him on their Rings due to his…uniqueness. Get what I am saying?
Caboose: Um, aren't you—
I'M GONNA PUT IT, CABOOSE! CAN YOU PLEASE JUST WAIT FOR PETE'S SAKE?!
So, as a viewer discretion considering how sensitive it is, there will be a passage of attempted self-harm. Hey, I don't want to rile up the wrong people, okay?
On the sidenote, I want to thank V Elemecha V for suggesting some ideas for certain segments. It proved to be helpful. Also, I want to thank him for suggesting this idea.
Now then, let's get onto the chapter.
Caboose's Guide to make Friends in Hell
Guide Twelve
What I Started on my Day Off
Premise: Yeah, so I stumbled to this resort these three baby angels opened. And now, I am having the best Day Off ever!
The sound of scribbling in the early morning hours was heard as Caboose focused on drawing in a sketchbook Charlie had kindly provided him. Well, it is meant to serve to not be on his laptop and spend much money in that "fun game". It was starting to get stale, and he needed to leave it for now. He was enjoying it while his pet watched him from the repair pad, still recovering from the fight from last week. "CAPTAIN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
The idiot looked at him. "Oh, I was doodling the friends I have currently made! I am just treasuring it through this sketchbook Miss Carlos kindly provided." He held the sketchbook up and showed it to him. "The others would be so happy I have made new friends!"
Freckles clearly understood what his master was saying. Yet, something needs to be added. "HAVE YOU PARTAKEN IN MISS MORNINGSTAR'S ACTIVITIES? YOU ARE APART OF IT AND MISS VAGGIE WANTS EVERYONE TO JOIN IN, WHICH INCLUDES YOU, CAPTAIN."
He nodded his head. "Yep. I have. More than the past few weeks. But they don't want my help." He was saddened that he couldn't "help" them during the activities. Even if that meant putting a bullet in Angel, Husk, and Pentious's skulls multiple times (much to Charlie's dismay, Niffty and Alastor's Amusement, and Vaggie's frustration that she started to rip hair out) before they forbid him to partake unless he resolves his trigger-finger.
His pet could see the obvious reasons. "YOU MAY HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THEIR WORDS, CAPTAIN. PERHAPS I COULD ARRANGE A MEETING WITH MISS MORNINGSTAR."
"Yeah, that would be pretty neat," Caboose muttered before he heard his phone vibrate. Getting off his bed, he saw his Part-Time Boss calling and picking it up. "Hello, Bing! You got anything available?"
He heard Blitzø sighing from the other side of the call. "Yes, Caboose. Some asshole wants his rich, asshole best friend killed. So can you get over here and—"
"OKAY!" Caboose immediately responded before he ended the call. He pocketed his phone and looked at his pet. "Well, Freckles, I have a job to do."
"BEFORE YOU DO, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR WEAPONS HERE." His pet called out to him.
Naturally, this left the idiot in a state of confusion. "Why do I have to leave my weapons?"
Freckles had perfect reasons to give this command. "AFTER THE STUNT YOU PULLED AT MISS VEROSIKA'S CONCERT ON EARTH, YOUR COLLEAGES ARE STILL RECOVERING FROM THAT INCIDENT. I'D HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO NOT BRINGING THEM FOR THE TIME BEING. ALTHOUGH, YOU CAN PUT ME IN YOUR ASSULT RIFLE TO ASSIST AT YOUR PART-TIME JOB."
The idiot groaned at his pet's words but didn't want to hurt his "feelings". "Okay, Freckles, I'll leave the other. But only because you kindly ask me. I doubt the Irresistible Miraculous People wants to see you again, though." He sadly "revealed" to his pet, which he quickly understood his reason.
Eventually, he put his defunct Assault Rifle and Church's Sniper Rifle on his bed. Now it was a good time to head to his part-time job. "I'll be back at the end of the day, Freckles. Oh, and please look after them while I'm gone. I don't want Miss Angry Mexican Pirate touching it!" With that, the idiot left his room to head to another task to 'assist' people.
-Scene Change-
Moxxie scanned a massive mansion for a telescope while he, his wife, his boss, and his new coworker were on a tour bus in poorly disguised attire. That could be said for the three imps, as Caboose only wore a long trench coat that covered his body up to his feet and had a hood up, which only made things more suspicious, right? My word, how dumb are the other people on this bus!?
"Gee! I wonder whose house this is." Moxxie can't help being sarcastic here.
"And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!" The Tour Guide informed the group, making them rake photographs on their phones.
Hearing the target's name caused Blitzø to remove his sunglasses. "Let's do it, gang!" They readied up to assassinate their target. He pulled out a Flintlock Pistol, Moxxie materialised an assault rifle from thin air, Millie revealed a pair of knives underneath her disguised sleeves, and Caboose…did a Caboose and landed on the ground.
"Let's kill this rich guy!" Millie cheerfully spoke before they made their way to the mansion.
Despite the obvious implication of what they were about to do, the tour bus guide pointed out what they were about to do. "And here you'll find four tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!" That made people only take more photos. God, these people are so dumb!
Approaching one of the windows, Blitzø and Millie dash to the sides while Moxxie slides on his back, and Caboose pokes his head from the window. He was soon joined by Moxxie, who peered by the window; none noticed a sock pocket held by Blitzø's tail. Upon closer inspection, the Sniper saw the state their target was in.
"Wow..." Moxxie uttered, seeing an old man lying on his bed with an IV bag attached. A heart rate monitor sat on a shelf next to the medical bag, and a TV screen and video player sat on the other side of his bed, which was connected to the bed itself. "That machine really did a number on him."
"What machine?" Caboose asked them, and they completely ignored their Sinner Coworker despite not giving him the full details. It isn't necessary, considering they understood his mindset.
All saw the old man holding a photograph while trembling his hands before kissing it. "Goodbye... my one true love." He lovingly runs a finger down the photo before putting it away. He proceeded to grab the tube from his IV bag and began tying it. "All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value."
"Oh, fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us!" Blitzø pointed out, seeing their target had finished making a noose out of the tube and began pulling the knot taught.
"Should we go in there and tie it for him?" Moxxie suggested, oblivious that Caboose was looking at the ceiling for some odd reason.
Lyle is about to put the makeshift noose over his head while the trio of Imps watch with drinks and popcorn. Suddenly, the noose glows white materializes, and a concussive force knocks the three watch back, knocking their food and drinks away. Blitzø's cat sock is blown away by the blast, which makes him sad. At the same time, the old man had adjusted to the light and saw three baby-like angels floating down gracefully in three rays of light. He had one thing on his head. "Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!"
Getting up from that sudden blast of light, Blitzø was angry and confused at the fact that someone had their target's interest. "Who the fuck are they?"
Moxxie finished rubbing his head, and his eyes only widened, realising who the three were. "Oh, no! Sir, those are…"
"Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!" One of the baby-like Angels, Cletus, greeted the old man.
"I hate filthy, stinking orphan children!" Lyle insulted the three.
Despite this, the angels weren't too bothered. This time, it was Collins who spoke to him. "We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven... benefited by your amazing... technological advances."
"Oh, HEEEELL no!" An angry Blitzø shouted, rolling his sleeves and holstering his Flintlock Pistol. He then marches in through the window, smashing the glass instantly. "Don't listen…" For whatever reason, face-plants onto the floor, and multiple glass shards then stick out of him.
Moxxie, the more practical one, enters through a door to the side while his wife is peeking from the side. Lyle Lipton, it is our—" He immediately notices that their fourth member is nowhere to be seen. This made him only let out an irritated sigh. "Where the Hell is Caboose!? He was right here with us just a second ago?!"
-Scene Change-
In the sky above the Earth, a city surrounded by wing-like clouds. Its structure was cleanly built and flawing its elegant design, while people with white, feathery wings were busy with their day schedule. Two people, a man and a woman who dressed up militarily (don't get any funny ideas), walked along the path when they both stopped. Adam, who was loudly slurping on his drink (much to the dismay of his top fighter who could tolerate this absurdity), put his mouth off from the straw and looked up. "Is it me, or is something about to come?"
Lute raised an eyebrow at her Commander's words. "In what way, Sir?"
The first human looked at her while resting one hand on his hips. "I dunno, Lute. There's this strange feeling I sensed. And it's making…" Again, he shifted up towards the sky. It was starting to piss him off. His eyes then spotted something coming towards them. "Alright, what the fuck is that?"
His right-hand woman needed clarification about what he said. "What is…" She looked up and also saw the object that he was referring to.
There, they saw an asteroid(okay, that doesn't make sense. How could a…oh, right…) rapidly descend down into the city. A few handful of Angels noticed this and immediately began to panic. The two were about to fly away when the object suddenly crashed five feet away from where they stood, creating a small crater emitting smoke. The shockwave was felt throughout the realm, and its denizens wondered what had happened.
Adam's drink spilt onto his Lieutenant, though she wasn't too bothered by this. Both then proceeded to cautiously head towards the crash site and saw the object as the smoke cleared. Within it was an individual clad in unfamiliar blue armour lying in a particular anime death pose, and before anything could…
"Oh wow!" Caboose instantly got up, but the impact didn't affect him in the slightest. "That was pretty awesome!"
Adam could not believe what he was seeing. "Okay, the fuck is this guy's problem being fine and landing like a FUCKING meteor!?"
Lute had the same thought, but she was occupied with something else. "How!? That is a Sinner! No way Hell would find a way to get here!" She would need to investigate this sudden occurrence. After she dealt with this strange being, who was somehow still alive and okay!
Caboose walked out of the crater like it was nothing and scanned his surroundings before wiping himself from any dust on his armour. He gasped at the sight before him. "Oh, my word! Is this some sort of Heavenly Resort?!" He then turned to the two as if he had just noticed them. "Excuse me, Heavenly couple! Would one of you please inform me if this is a resort?"
Lute scowled at his words. Who the fuck was this person assuming…Never mind. He's that type of Sinner, and she must remind him of his place. "Mind your manners, Sinner! This is Heaven and not a resort!"
"Oh, so this is a Heavenly resort!?" The Caboose had come under the assumption of what he had heard.
The female Exorcist wanted to pinch the bridge of her nose. This particular Sinner seems worse than those idiots she encountered before! She sighed to calm herself while curling her right hand into a fist. "It isn't, you Sinful idiot!" She wanted to tear his head off but restrained herself. She didn't want everyone to see her manhandle this stranger in this holy place.
Caboose innocently looked back at her. "But are you saying that it is?"
Adam felt a headache from just listening and seeing this blue, idiotic stranger. He needed to keep his mind calm and not act like this fool. He decided to play along before his Lieutenant would lose her shit. "Yeah. Heaven is a resort. I'm sure you'll enjoy it here." He "tried" his best not to lie to him.
Caboose seemed to take his words to heart. "Really!? This is great! This is gonna be the best daycation ever!" He screamed, causing the two Exorcists' eardrums to slightly pop. If that didn't cause a headache, he repeated the 'ever' words as if in a tight cave, which caused their minds to go temporarily blank. Looking back at the "couple", he knew it was time to leave them to their own devices. "I better be off then! Don't want to waste any precious time here! Wish Bing and my friends would visit this place." He walked past them.
"Hold it!" Lute called out, making him stop before he headed off. The blue idiot looked back at her, who suspiciously gazed at him. "Are you just going to not say your name before you head off?" She was trying to get any information from this Sinner.
"Oh, yes." Caboose realised. "That was quite rude of me. Where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself. The name's Caboose. What about yours?"
Lute "smiled" at him. "My name is Lute, and the man beside me is Adam."
"Oh, they're pretty neat names." Caboose waved at the "couple", "It's nice you meet the two of you, Miss Lewd and Add 'em!"
The female Angel felt her eyebrows furrowing, insulted by him misnaming her. "It's Lute!"
"But that's what I said, Miss Loot!" Caboose "corrected" her, causing her to close her eyes while gritting her teeth. He was starting to piss her off, but she was barely able to contain herself. She didn't want Heaven to know her occupation.
Adam had the same feeling, but he could hardly suppress his anger. A thought came to him. "Hey, aren't you supposed to get going?"
"Ah, yes! Thank you for telling me, Adelle!" With that said, the idiot proceeded to go towards a random direction.
"It's Adam, you blue fuck-stain!" The first human called out to him, but that didn't happen as Caboose was far away. Despite that weird incident, they weren't aware the inhabitants had quickly resumed their daily lives. "Finally, that fucking dickhead is gone, and I can-"
"Was that really necessary, Sir!?" His Lieutenant immediately questioned his decision.
Adam only groaned at Lute's words. "Of course, it was necessary, Lute! That fucker was really getting into my head! Who fucking names their offspring after a fucking railroad cart!? At least he won't bother the fuck outta us anymore!"
"But allowing a Sinner to roam around Heaven?!" The Female Exorcist couldn't blame him for making such a decision, but this was beyond her beliefs. "Sir, we need to deal with him right now before anything bad can happen! Not to mention Sera would be aware of this."
Adam, being the insatiable prick he is, just waved it off like it wasn't his problem. "Eh, I can fucking wait for the next Extermination, Lute. I can personally deal with him—"
A hand was placed over his mouth as he leaned towards his Right-Hand woman, who grabbed him by the collar and looked around the area. "Do I have to remind you about our rule with her?"
She put her hand down to allow her superior to freely speak. "Only Sera and us are the ones to know, not the others." He straightened himself before giving an annoyed look at her. "You know, you don't have to remind me every fucking time!?"
"Hmmm!"
Both Exorcists froze at the voice behind them. Turning around, they saw a particular Seraphim that seemingly teleported and gazed at the first human. Speaking of the person himself, Adam groaned, knowing he would get another mouthful. "Oh…uh, apologise for saying that in public, Ma'am."
Sera leaned down at the Exorcist leader and glared at him. "That was too close, Adam. The public shouldn't know what we're doing. Otherwise, they'll start questioning it."
"We're sorry for discussing it here. We were simply…caught off guard by a Sinner that somehow ended up here." His Right-Hand woman spoke.
The high-ranking Angel already knew what they were referring to. "Yes, I know why. Nearly all of the Higher-Ups know what just happened." She glances at the empty crater before turning her gaze at the two. "I take it that the both of you allowed a Sinner to roam freely into Heaven?"
Lute let out a tiresome sigh. "I didn't. It was more like Adam's fault." She leered at her Commanding Officer.
Adam groaned at the stare he was receiving. It wasn't his fault, to say the least. "What!? That blue fucker has given me a Goddamn headache! Not to mention butchering our names despite correcting him! I am still wondering what kind of fucker names their child Caboose?!""
Sera hummed in interest upon hearing this Sinner's name. "Is that so?"
Lute nodded, uncomfortable with what she was about to say. "Unfortunately, yes. He seems to mistake this place for a 'Heavenly Resort'" She puts in air quotes before shifting her eyes directly at her. "What should we do, Sera?! A Sinner is roaming freely around here, and we're unable to kill him as it isn't that day yet. Who knows what he'll do."
"Not to mention he's overly too friendly." Adam pointed out, feeling the headache building up.
The High-Seraphim closed her eyes for a moment. From what she gathered, this Caboose seemed to crash-land into this Holy place like an asteroid. As strange as it sounds, she only guessed he had no malicious intention because she thought this place was a 'resort'. She opened her eyes to them to find the solution to this problem. "Then it's settled. The both of you are to be tasked with keeping a close eye on this Caboose."
This sudden order was a shocker to the two Exorcists. This felt like a punishment. Adam wined loudly. "UUUUUGGGGGHHHH! Do we have to, Sera!? He's nothing but a headache!"
Sera seemed to be displeased by the First Human's response. Still, she insist on this order. "You and Lute are the only ones that have experiences dealing with Sinners. It would be the only task where you don't do that. The others shouldn't know about this."
For the second time, Lute let out a tiresome sigh. She knew this was a direct order from the higher-ups. But for the first time in her life, she felt very adamant about it. Still, she'd refused to not disobey this order. "If you say so, Ma'am."
Adam, after thinking about it, thought the same. He was nonetheless upset he didn't get the chance of killing this, Sinner. "Fine, we'll go and look after him. But only because you asked us to analyse any strange behaviour he could possibly show."
The High-ranking Seraphim straighten herself and look at the duo one last time. "Thank you as always. Now, I shall go and inform the Higher-Ups that this problem is currently being dealt with. Please, I beg that you two won't mess this up." With that, she teleported away.
Now with the duo now alone, they looked at one another. Both had the same thoughts of how they could deal with Caboose without two worrying matters. First is their sanity. They can't personally tolerate someone who can give a headache in a matter of seconds. The second is their intent of wanting to kill him. Lute was that close into chopping his head off, yet they were forbidden to even do that by Sera's Orders.
Still, they had their orders, and they wouldn't dare disobey it. Especially if it came from a highly respected Higher-Up.
Preview: Well, this is so AWESOME! I've made friends with Miss Lewd and Add'em in this daycation in this holiday resort! Now, I'm gonna be making more friends in this Heavenly resort! I wonder what kind of people I'll meet here?!
Oh God… *SIGH* Caboose, don't you have any idea who you unintentionally pissed off? No matter, I think people would love to see these two having to babysit him for an entire day. Oh man, that'll come off from both of their paycheck and their privileges.
Though, I wonder, what do you want to see Adam and Lute in tolerating Caboose in his daycation in Heaven? Don't worry, a certain Seraphim will make her appearance in the very next chapter, which I'll make a long chapter. Around 10k or more.
I hope this chapter satisfy all of you!? You can criticise this work since I feel like there are many O.O.C moments. But what do you all think of this chapters? And predictions you all wanna make?