12th Grade, High School

Age: 17-18

December 2009

…

Townsedge Mall is decorated to the nines. Garland hangs from every storefront and giant candy canes stand guard at each of the main doors. Santa's Village has a line that cascades down the hallway, full of families with small children that shake with glee as they clutch their letters in their hands. With less than a week before Christmas, the mall is crowded with people finishing up their shopping and procrastinators just starting. It's shoulder-to-shoulder near some of the more popular stores.

Vince tears into a salted pretzel with his teeth while Gretchen stands at one of the aisle stands, watching a woman intricately write names on family-themed ornaments. Gretchen noticed one with penguins dressed in hats and scarves that she said her father would enjoy. He glances over as the ornament artist writes each name under the corresponding penguin – Phil, Gretchen, Doris – and chuckles when she paints a tiny pair of glasses onto the smallest one in the middle.

He turns back to Gretchen, her eyes fixated on the delicate brushstrokes of the ornament artist with a focus that mirrors the artist's. The corner of his mouth tips upward in a lopsided smile. For someone as logical and practical as Gretchen, the gifts she picked out today feel extraordinarily heartfelt.

There's a strange tug in his stomach and he frowns, taking another bite of his pretzel to smother the feeling.

It's probably just the season, even though he isn't one to get overly emotional about the holidays. But he supposes this year feels different. Next year, they'll be away at college, taking finals, and scrambling to get home before the holidays. Chad had his last exam yesterday and flies in tomorrow, the last of his high school group to return to town. If they're anything like Chad, next year there won't be any casual window shopping or lazy afternoons at Townsedge Mall.

Next year, everyone is getting gift cards he can fit in his carry-on.

The woman hands Gretchen the ornament in a small festive bag and Vince turns back to her, gesturing with his pretzel out toward the crowd.

"Where to next?"

Gretchen raises her eyebrows expectantly. "I've just finished," she says, gesturing to the bags in her hands. "And you haven't bought anything."

Vince shrugs. "I bought a pretzel."

"Any gifts," Gretchen clarifies. "I thought you had said you still needed to purchase some presents."

He shrugs his shoulders again and pops the last of his pretzel in his mouth, chewing in frustration. His father was easy – a gift card to the golf course that he and Vince could use together in the spring – and Chad was taking care of their mother. Vince had wanted to get her a new pair of shoes for work. She was complaining about her feet most nights now, but the clogs she wore cost more than his current Nikes. Chad offered to go halfsies on the Danskos.

His problem was gifts for Chad and Spinelli, the name he'd drawn in the group's annual Secret Santa. Chad's interests were too expensive. It wasn't like he could go out and grab a basketball. Chad enjoyed computer games and electronics – things well out of his budget. Spinelli…he was just drawing a blank for her. Everyone always got her art supplies and he didn't want to add another box of colored pencils to her collection, even if she would probably appreciate it.

TJ had been no help either. The two boys always told each other who they pulled and helped each other choose a gift. But TJ's gift for Spinelli was a boyfriend gift and the ideas he had offered for Vince were mediocre at best.

"I have no idea what to get my Secret Santa," he grumbles, frustrated with his inability to pick something.

"And you want me to help you," Gretchen says, less of a question and more of a statement. "I assume you don't have me then."

If only. Gretchen would be easy. He knows her to-be-read list – he could pick a book. He knows the music she listens to in the background – he could buy her a CD or burn her a mix. His list of ideas for Gretchen would have been endless.

"Of course not," he says. Gretchen raises her eyebrows in anticipation, encouraging him to continue. "Spinelli."

"Ah." Her expression turns thoughtful. "I'm surprised TJ didn't help you. I'm sure you told him."

He chuckles. She knows him so well. But then he thinks back to what TJ had offered and rolls his eyes.

"TJ's ideas were too…" He wrinkles his nose. TJ had told him about the book series Spinelli had just finished which, of course, was not helpful. She already finished it. "He's getting her a necklace."

"That's quite romantic," Gretchen agrees.

"For someone who hates Valentine's Day, he's obnoxiously charming," Vince grumbles.

Gretchen raises an eyebrow. "It isn't as though you want to gift Spinelli something romantic," she says. Then, after a beat, she adds, "Correct?"

Vince feels like the wind has been knocked out of his lungs, shocked that Gretchen would even consider that possibility. Vince has held a lot of emotions for Spinelli over the years, ranging from admiration to loathing, but romance has never been one of them. Gretchen knows him better than that.

"Ew," he says, nearly gagging. "No. Spinelli is like…the little sister I never asked for." He pauses, still thrown by the concept of him having feelings for Spinelli. "I just meant that all the ideas TJ gave me were…unoriginal."

Understanding lights up Gretchen's face. "So, this is just you being competitive again."

"Is it really about competition if I want to give her something more than a box of colored pencils for the umpteenth time?" He shrugs, frustration still in his gut. He tries to laugh it off with a joke, but when he speaks it comes out deadpan. "Maybe I should just get her stock in Crayola."

Gretchen laughs, soft and high-pitched, melodies with the jingle bells of the mall hallways. He can't help the way his lips curl upward at the sound. It's hard for him to stay mad at Gretchen, especially when he knows she asks questions for clarity on the situation. But something about the situation tugs at his stomach, making it flip uncomfortably. It wasn't just the ridiculous idea that he could like Spinelli, but that Gretchen – the person who usually understood him more than anyone else – could think that. Her misunderstanding of him irritated him more than it should.

"I'm sure we can find something with more immediate gratification than Crayola stock," Gretchen says as her chuckle subsides. "Here, I have a few ideas. Let's go this way."

As Gretchen leads the way back into the crowd, Vince follows a half-step behind, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He isn't sure why it bothers him so much that Gretchen said that. He figures it's because she is normally so good at reading him. Gretchen often knows what he's thinking before he has even realized it, but this time she's way off.

Gretchen turns, heading into a store that sells various items from comic books to fandom knickknacks, and Vince reaches out to stop her. She turns to look at him, her eyes wide with curiosity.

"I don't like Spin," he says firmly.

Gretchen studies him for a moment, her smile fading as his words hang heavy between them. Vince shifts uncomfortably under her intense gaze, but doesn't waver or add more to his statement. He doesn't need to clarify or provide an excuse for this – his words are clear and truthful.

When she finally nods, he lets out a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

"I believe you," she tells him sincerely.

"Good," he says with a single nod, unsure why it felt so important for her to believe him but happy with the result regardless. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that." The two walk into the store and he taps his fingers against some of the shelves as they walk. "Why did you, uh, think that?"

She shrugs. "I didn't really," she admits. "But you were acting like you do when you feel like you have something to prove...and it almost seemed like you were in competition with TJ's gift giving rather than her annual art supply replenishment."

He frowns at Gretchen's observation and goes to immediately refute it, but pauses. Maybe that's part of it. He and Spinelli are better friends now that they've been in years and that's why he is so focused on getting something special for her. He wants something meaningful, something that says more than just truce.

Gretchen stops in front of a shelving unit with a bunch of figurines and pulls a box off the shelf. Inside is a male doll with a gun, at the top of the box it says 'Join the Hunt'. The box itself is adorned with witchcraft symbols. He wrinkles his nose.

"Who is this? Barbie's monster-hunting cousin?"

She shakes her head. "This is Dean Winchester, from Supernatural."

"Never heard of him," he says. Then he glances at the box and shakes his head. "I'm not getting Spinelli a Barbie."

"It's her favorite show and Dean is her favorite character," Gretchen explains. She turns and puts the box back on the shelf. "But really anything from this section would be a good gift. Or–" She ducks through the store and Vince races after her, surprised that Gretchen is so familiar with this type of store.

"Anything Harry Potter related," Gretchen says, coming to a stop in front of the display. "If you choose a house-themed item, she prefers Slytherin."

"I should have thought of that," he says.

Spinelli was always a big reader even if she pretended not to be. She had flown through the entire Barnaby Boys series before he and TJ could finish it and always had her nose in a fantasy book during their silent reading sessions. She had been the first of their group to read the Harry Potter series and had subsequently made them all read at least the first one. She had dragged them to all the movies when everyone but Gretchen and Gus fell off with the reading.

He shakes his head. "I guess I was overthinking it."

Gretchen sends him a warm smile. "You were in a competition with no one but yourself," she says, giving him a small nudge. "Now, come on, if you don't like these, I have a few additional ideas."

The two of them traipse through the mall to a few more stores before he makes any purchases. While looking for Spinelli, he finds a dice game that Gretchen agrees would be good for Chad, who is big into Dungeons and Dragons. He ends up picking a book for Spinelli after Gretchen verifies that she hasn't read it – The Hunger Games. Seems like something up her alley.

Once they're finished, they head back to Gretchen's, where they decide to wrap their gifts together. Her parents are out when they arrive, her father's car having disappeared from the driveway. As they walk up the front porch, Vince's eyes glance to the Grundler's mailbox. Sticking out of the box is a large white envelope – clearly another of Gretchen's college acceptance letters.

Gretchen had originally wanted to apply to twelve schools. She couldn't decide and ultimately sent applications to sixteen schools with early action or regular decisions. She had already heard from most of her seven early action schools – Arkansas sent their acceptance what felt like days after she submitted it and the rest of the decisions trickled in slower, most arriving in early December. Aside from Arkansas, she had been accepted to Boston College, University of Michigan, and University of Chicago, while she was deferred at University of California, Berkeley. Vince thought that was ridiculous, but Gretchen said the UC schools favored in-state California students so she wasn't surprised and, also, didn't appear too upset.

Probably because she was still waiting for her top two of the early action cycle: MIT and Caltech.

"Looks like you've got mail," Vince says.

He's surprised by the quiver in his voice. That envelope holds her acceptance to either MIT or Caltech, which is amazing for Gretchen, but also far away from his destination this fall. Even if they all knew that Gretchen would be accepted – how could she not? She's brilliant – the idea of her acceptance and the actual reality of the letter in front of them are two entirely different feelings.

Gretchen pulls the mail from the box and his eyes glance to the return address. Massachusetts Institute of Technology. MIT. Gretchen's dream since she was eight years old, back before the rest of their group even knew what going to college meant.

"Open it," he says, his voice lacking its normal conviction despite the amount of pride he should have for her.

"Let's go inside," she says, gesturing to her full hands.

They drop their bags on the Grundlers' kitchen table and Gretchen slowly opens the envelope. She pulls out the letter and silently reads through it. Vince carefully watches her face, which stays stoic. It's only her eyes that give away her feelings. As she skims the letter, her eyes begin to twinkle with excitement, her eyebrows moving just slightly as she tries to reign in her emotions.

Vince swallows thickly, biting the inside of his cheek as he waits for her to look up. She doesn't need to tell him what it says, that much is obvious. MIT sent her the coveted big envelope and, despite applying to sixteen schools, the rest of her decisions don't matter anymore. It has always been MIT.

He grinds his teeth. I should have picked BC.

Again, like earlier, the breath gets knocked out of him. Where did that come from? He had, of course, made his own decision months ago with Gretchen's assistance. He had to choose what was best for him, even if he had kept BC on his list for so long only because Gretchen's goal was MIT. He had chosen Wake Forest with the knowledge that it was best for his future, knowing that it was likely that Gretchen would get into MIT.

But, with the acceptance letter in her hand, the concept is no longer abstract. It is real. She will be in Boston in the fall and he will be in North Carolina, even though he had the chance to be in Boston as well. He blinks quickly, looking away as his stomach flops.

He shakes his head and turns back to her. "Congratulations."

She looks up from the letter and carefully returns it to the envelope before setting it down on the table.

"Thank you."

"So, what's your new mascot?" Vince says, trying to fill the empty space between them so his mind doesn't wander back to his melancholy. This is a good thing for Gretchen, even if right now he feels like he wants to melt into the floor.

"MIT's mascot is the beaver," she says calmly. Then she shrugs. "But just because I've been accepted doesn't mean I've made my decision. I still have other schools to hear back from this spring."

He frowns. "Gretchen," he says, shaking his head in disbelief. "Of course you're going to MIT. Why wouldn't you?"

"I can't make a decision without knowing all of my options," she says, walking away from the table with an air of forced indifference. She grabs the tape and scissors from a cabinet for their gift wrapping. "I may go to MIT, but I still have Caltech and my regular decision schools to consider, as well as the financial aid packages."

He furrows his brow in confusion. When he had his decisions to make, he had a hard time deciding because of his emotional ties. Gretchen obviously has an emotional connection to MIT, even if her more practical side is winning over at the moment. Perhaps she doesn't want to be so excited about MIT in case she gets an offer she can't refuse, like a full scholarship to a different top tier school.

But, even if she can't let her emotions take over, his emotions seem to be running enough for both of them. He knows that she will go to MIT and she'll be far away from him. She won't be right down the road. He knew that was likely the case but now there is a deadline to it. He'll have less than eight months with the girl he had imagined would always be at his side and that thought is what hurts the most.

"Okay, Gretch," he says, his voice quiet. "No decisions until spring."

She gives him a firm nod and heads into the other room to grab the wrapping paper. He sits in the chair waiting for her. When she comes back in, her arms are full, nearly overflowing with different tubes of papers and bags. He chuckles at the way she stumbles, trying to keep everything from falling. She's always been a little klutzy, one of the cute quirks she never outgrew.

Cute. Where did that come from? Since when has he ever thought of either of the girls in his friend group as something as romantic as cute.

His face drops.

Oh. Oh.

Oh no.

Gretchen continues to rattle off the schools she's waiting on in the spring as if he doesn't realize what schools she has applied to – Harvard, Stanford, Duke, amongst a multitude of others – but Vince can't pay attention. He nods, hoping not to tip her off that his mind is far away.

He bites his lip and focuses on his wrapping job, not daring to look up at her. He doesn't like Gretchen. How absurd. Gretchen is his best friend and the holiday sentimentality is just getting to him, especially now that he knows that Gretchen is going to be hundreds of miles away from him for the majority of the year. If he really truly had feelings for Gretchen, wouldn't he have noticed them before now? Look at TJ. He'd known Spinelli as long as Vince has known Gretchen and those feelings peaked long ago.

The timeline is all wrong. Besides, he can't like Gretchen. She's leaving. He's leaving.

Yes, that's it. It's not attraction. It's the deadline. He knows that they have a finite amount of time and so his body is playing games with him. That's all there is to it.

He glances up at her and watches as she meticulously wraps the gift she had gotten her mother in forest green wrapping paper. Her fingers are just as long and lean as the rest of her body as she creases the edges of the paper around the box. A piece of hair falls from behind her ear and she reaches up to tuck it back into place. Her nimble fingers gently graze her cheek as she retracts her hand, not giving up on the wrapping, and the piece of hair falls right back into her face.

She lifts her head to properly adjust her hair and her eyes land on him. His cheeks warm at being caught staring and he looks down at the gift he was wrapping – or, not wrapping. Spinelli's book remains in the same position on the table, untouched while he spaced out.

"I'm afraid that your intentions of having a mindful gift may fall short if you hand Spinelli her gift in the store shopping bag," she says, a soft joking tone to her voice.

His heart thumps in his chest and he holds his breath trying to make it stop. Now that his brain is so focused on it, he can't help but notice how his body reacts. His face feels entirely too warm and his heart is racing faster than when he runs. This is not good. Not good at all.

Gretchen is leaving. Gretchen is going to Boston and he is going to North Carolina and…Gretchen doesn't like him. Even if she did feel the same way – and Gretchen has given him no indication that she likes him – he can't risk ruining what they have so close to the end. He needs her, even if they're going to be so far away from each other, and to risk it now for something as silly as a crush is dumb.

It's just a crush after all. Crushes never seem to last long. Fleeting moments here or there that, once he thinks about his future and his determination to achieve greatness, fizzles out like flat soda.

So, instead, he swallows his pride and says, "Well, I can't make her feel too special. It might go to her head."

As Gretchen shakes her head, rolling her eyes in a playful manner, Vince swallows thickly and tries to convince himself to stop counting the freckles dotting her cheeks.

…

Notes:

Supernatural (2005-2020) was a television series following Sam and Dean Winchester (Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles), who hunted supernatural beings.

The Harry Potter books were first published in 1998, with the 7th book coming out in 2007. The films were released between 2001-2011. At this point, Spinelli would have read all the books and seen all the movies up through the Half-Blood Prince as of this chapter. The final two movies (Deathly Hallows, Part 1 and 2) wouldn't be out until 2010 and 2011.

The Hunger Games was published in 2008. The movie franchise wouldn't hit theaters until March 2012.

I've never played Dungeons and Dragons, but it seems like something Chad would like based on the people I know who play it.

The episode The Barnaby Boys shows Vince and TJ completely absorbed by the series of the same name. Spinelli plays it off the entire episode like they're annoying and lame for enjoying it, but it's revealed at the end that she's a pretty big fan herself. That, and her doing well in English, sort of solidified in my head that she's a pretty big reader.

Back in this era of college acceptances, it was done by snail mail and the 'coveted big envelope' that Vince mentions was huge. I know that nowadays it's all electronic, but back in the late 2000s/early 2010s, the Big Envelope was what you wanted.

And, with that, 2009 has come to a close. I have March-June 2010 pretty solidly mapped out with more wiggle room in January/February, but if there's a specific senior spring activity you were hoping to see, let me know! I might still be able to figure out a way to finagle it in there.

See you in 2010!