Chapter 6: A Matter of Agency

The early morning sun was shining, casting long shadows from trees into the clearing. Birds—their equivalent really—were chirping.

A loud banging on the moth canopy woke Stanley with a start, heart thumping hard in his chest. It was Xev banging away, and she looked seriously pissed, with tears in her eyes. Stanley opened up the moth.

"Geez Xev, you practically gave me a heart attack!" Then he realized Xev was still naked. "Huh. You gonna get dressed or stay casual today?"

"WHAT THE HELL STANLEY! You BURNED my CLOTHES! I don't have a choice!" Xev yelled at the top of her voice.

"What! What are you talking about?"

Stanley scrambled out of the moth and ran to the campfire, Xev following close behind. There on the ground were Xev's clothes looking half burned.

"Oh! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Stanley cried as he fell to his knees. "This can't be!"

He tried to pick up what was left. It simply disintegrated into pieces, dust and ash stirring. A fine coating of powder covered his hands. He looked up at Xev, misery etched into his face.

"I'm sorry Xev! I don't know what happened! You were asleep, so I left your clothes out for you! That's it! I swear!"

"Well OBVIOUSLY you left them TOO CLOSE TO THE FIRE, you IDIOT!"

With that, Xev turned and ran away, heading for the good pond.

"Xev, wait!" called Stanley. He got up and started to go after her, but felt the thump of a cane on his leg. He looked down.

"Let her go, you must," said Yoda. "Time, she will need."

"Oh Yoda! I don't know what to say! It was an accident. It really, really was! I was trying to be nice! Do the right thing! I didn't want her angry at me!"

"Time you will need as well, I think," said Yoda.

"So what do we do now?" asked Stanley, utterly miserable.

"Fish we catch, then we eat," replied Yoda.

Xev was seated at the edge of the water by the good pond. She had discovered that if you threw flat stones just right, you could make them skip across the water. She had collected a stack, and was tossing them one by one.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop went the stone before sinking.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop, plop.

"Hey, four times."

It helped take her mind off what had happened. It had been so much fun, she reflected. From the time she had first handed off her dress, until that moment in the morning when she awoke to find it burned, she had never, not once, felt any concern. It had been a rush, an exhilarating sense of freedom; an escape from the constant stress of living on the Lexx.

Yesterday, if clothes-off symbolized freedom from responsibility, then clothes-on symbolized a return to obligations, so a part of her had been glad of Stanley's little delay game. And of course, she had been happy to play along. It gave her more time to enjoy a break from routine before returning to the confines of the Lexx. Entrusting Stanley with her clothes never worried her—she knew Stanley well enough to know she could get them back anytime.

Until it turned out her clothes weren't safe in his care after all. It left her feeling betrayed.

"Stupid Stanley." Plop, plop, plop.

When "Zev" was reconstructed by Lyekka, becoming the new "Xev" in the process, she was born—no, "reborn" was more accurate—naked. Nothing strange about that; everyone was born naked, but it did present a problem. Babies had guardians who wrapped them in cloth. Xev was reborn as an adult on the Lexx. There was no cloth to be had.

Her original, shortened wedding dress she'd always worn as Zev had been lost when she died. At the time of her rebirth and while still covered in goo, Xev told Stanley she would make new clothes.

"Out of what?" Stanley had asked at the time, looking stumped at the very idea.

"Cluster lizards of course," she had breezily replied, as if it would be the simplest thing to do.

It wasn't. It had taken a lot of trial and error to arrive at the finished product, and in the process it depleted the known supply of cluster lizards.

Her dress, while durable, had a downside. As untreated cluster lizard skin, it had to be kept dry. Xev discovered this the hard way when she attempted to wash it. It began to smell like rotting meat. Airing it out stopped the smell.

After that, Xev aired out her dress nightly in an effort to preserve it and avoid odor buildup. That meant changing habits. It began with sleeping nude as the dress aired, then extended to quick trips the tongue-toilet at night. As her confidence grew, some restless nights she'd rove the Lexx naked when Stanley was unlikely to be awake. It was partly for the thrill, but mostly it was because between life-threatening adventures she was bored.

It didn't always work. Stanley caught her in the act a few times, but once Xev understood it bothered him, she quite enjoyed surprising Stanley.

Aside from the Lexx, the only possessions both she and Stanley had were the clothes on their backs. There were no spares. Were there enough cluster lizards left to make a new dress? She didn't know.

Xev was angry enough to consider not returning to the Lexx. Staying here on Dagobah didn't seem so bad. A warm, wild planet meant no clothing concerns, and Yoda didn't care. It was tempting. She had enjoyed herself yesterday, and she loved how amazingly full of life Dagobah was. And there was that Force thing Yoda talked about. There was so much more she wanted to know!

But that would mean being separated from her friends: Kai, Stanley; even 790 sort of counted as a friend. More than friends—they were family now. Yes, she was royally pissed with Stanley for being so incredibly stupid, but if he said burning her clothes was an accident, she was inclined to believe him.

Xev skipped the last of her rocks across the pond, jumped in and began to swim methodically back and forth, until her arms and legs began to burn, and then continued a little longer, resisting the increasing pain. Finally, she could swim no more, and went back to the bank to rest, hips and legs extending underwater.

It didn't have the same thrill as yesterday, but it did help to burn off her anger. As she lay recovering, she imagined ways to get revenge on Stanley. Push Stanley out a moth at high altitude. Tie up Stanley and throw him into the Big Bad Pond. Strip Stanley naked and burn his clothes in front of him. Actually, that last one sounded really tempting, but none of it would get her clothes back.

It occurred to Xev she didn't have anything to eat this morning, and by now it was mid-day. As she looked around, she noticed a vine-like plant with golden red berries on the far side of the pond. That brought on another realization—she had no idea what was safe to eat, and what was poisonous. Only Yoda had local knowledge, and he was back at the camp.

There was nothing for it. She got up and slowly walked back.

When Xev came to the edge of the clearing, she squatted down and hid behind a bush to observe, before continuing on. There was Stanley, looking dejected and miserable. He was off to one side well away from the fire. He had collected the larger pieces of the cluster lizard dress and seemed to be trying to figure out a way to piece something together.

Well, at least he's trying, she thought, which is more than I've done so far.

That went a long way towards quelling her anger. Xev came out of hiding, walked over to Stanley and sat down beside him.

"I am really, really sorry Xev. I never meant for this to happen," Stanley said with a shaky voice.

"I know," she replied quietly.

She picked up one of the pieces Stanley had collected and tried flexing it. It crumbled into dust and tiny bits.

"I don't think any of this can be salvaged Stanley," she said, as she poured what remained out of her hand.

"Actually, there is," Stanley said, and held up the two black prisoner restraint pieces she had incorporated into her dress as shoulder decorations and makeshift clasps.

"These things are practically indestructible, but the dress itself?" He shook his head.

They sat side by side, staring at the pieces for a minute or two, as if waiting for them to magically transform back into her dress. Xev finally turned her head to look at Stanley, and saw soot smudges on his face where he had wiped away tears. That killed the last of her anger. She simply felt hollow now.

Xev put her arm around Stanley's shoulder and pulled him close, resting her head against his.

"Oh Stanley…. What now?" She had her doubts about finding more cluster lizards.

"I don't know yet, Xev. We'll think of something, I promise you that. I will find a way to make it up to you." Stanley hesitated. "I could give you my jumpsuit."

Xev gave Stanley's shoulder a squeeze. "Oh believe me, I thought about that, including lots of ideas about what to do with your clothes. Most of those ideas involved burning them."

"Sounds fair," Stanley said in a low voice, nodding, looking down at the ground.

"Well… at least Dagobah is nice," she said, with a little smile on her face.

"Yeah, and the Lexx is climate controlled," said Stanley, smiling back. "As long as you're, well, without, we can always run the temperature a little warmer. Whatever you need."

"Right. I mean, think about it," Xev said with a wave of her hand. "Why clothes on a spaceship? Clothes won't save you from getting shot, a fall, an explosion, or a hull breach. And as you pointed out, it's a controlled environment."

"Absolutely," said Stanley, running with the idea. "Clothes on a spaceship are an obsolete hold-over for people like me who are stuck in their ways. This is your chance to can break the mold and be your own fashion statement. And think of the advantages. Skin always fits, you can swim in it because it's water-proof, it's self-renewing, and you're free of the drudgery of laundry. What's not to like?"

"Yeah. And I don't have to yank anything out of the way when I need to pee really bad. You know, those times when seconds count? You're right. This is better. The solution has been in front of us the whole time. Why didn't I see it before? Why did I make a stinky dress when I was already clothed in my own skin?"

"Stinky?" Stanley said, looking sharply at Xev.

"Never mind," Xev abruptly said. She looked away and refused to say anything more.

The moment of levity passed.

"Okay Stan," she finally said, patting him on the arm. "Let's consider. We are in no immediate danger, and there's no government here. No one's gonna file a complaint because the Lexx is eating someone's property, and no one's gonna arrest me for indecency, if that's even a thing in this galaxy. As long as we're here, it doesn't matter if both of us—yes, I'm including you—are naked the entire time."

Stanley stirred uncomfortably. "What about Yoda?" he said, while trying to ignore Xev's suggestion.

Xev smiled and pointed overhead. "You see those flying animals? Do you care about the size, shape, or color of their wings?"

"Hmm. Ah, let me guess. You're saying Yoda doesn't care about our plumage?"

Xev chuckled. "Right. Yoda is many things, but what I've sensed from him is that, at a deep down, fundamental level—you know, because we aren't the same species—our 'plumage' as you put it, completely, utterly doesn't interest him, any more than you care about those animals. It's quite refreshing really."

Xev paused briefly. "Just to be clear, I'm still very unhappy about what happened. On the other hand, it's not like you've never seen me naked."

Stanley nodded. "You do have a tendency to prance around."

Xev laughed. "Who, me? So, on to my first point: Counting 790, it's only four of us on the Lexx. Basically, I see us as family. When I lived on B3K, being naked with family was a non-issue. It was an everyday thing."

"Yeah, we never did that," replied Stanley, unsure where this was going. "But hey, not all families are the same."

"Which explains why you're an easy tease," Xev said with a grin. "But when I say 'family,' what I really mean is, I was raised in a corporate children's complex called 'The Box.' Other kids were my family. We were raised by robots, and the robots didn't care about privacy—at all. Everything, from sleeping quarters, to toilets, to showers, were open areas."

"We had very different childhoods," Stanley said. "That's horrible!"

Xev shrugged. "Whatever. It was just the ways things were. On a daily basis you were going to change clothes, use the toilet or shower in view of everyone else, and nobody really cared, including yourself. We were indifferent to it. But here's what I'm trying to say—there's a difference between indifferent observer and deliberate voyeur, like that time early on when you poked your head in the shower looking for love."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Stanley said.

"You want to join me in the shower? No problem, as long as you get naked and actually shower, not stand there drooling. And sex isn't happening."

"So in summary, you're a free spirit who's cool with being naked."

"Ha! Certainly more free spirited than you, but not really what I've getting at. Sure it can be fun, but I'm not quite the nudist you seem to think I am—not yet, anyway. And even if I were, burning my clothes sucked out all the joy. But at least it doesn't bother me as much as it clearly it bothers you, and it doesn't particularly bother me when I feel safe—like when I'm with family, on the Lexx, and even here on Dagobah. But don't take that to mean I'm happy about this."

"I get it," said Stanley. "Having control is more important to you than being naked."

Xev made a face and rocked her head back and forth. "Ah… yeah. Okay. I can go with that. Having no choice is what burns me the most."

"Right, like prison on The Cluster," said Stanley. "You didn't have a choice about a strip search, or if they locked you in a cell, naked, for days at a time, just because they could. 'Taking away your agency' they called it."

"Yes! That's it! Besides burning my dress, you took away my agency," said Xev.

"It was an accident!"

"Not really the point! It's gone!" Xev heatedly said as her anger rekindled.

Stanley stopped his own angry retort, took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"Yes. You're right. It's gone. My fault. So, what do we do now?" he said.

Xev took in her own deep breath as she felt her anger subside. "First things first. I'm not a prisoner. At the very least, I want my agency back."

"Right there with you, Xev. We're never gonna be prisoners again."

Xev grabbed Stanley's hands in hers. "So here it is. Back to your original offer. Do you, Stanley Tweedle, officially pledge to give me your jumpsuit, without question or hesitation, if and when I ask for it, every time I ask for it?"

Stanley gulped hard and said, "I do."

Xev felt like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She was practically euphoric again. She couldn't sit still. She jumped up and paced around, before stopping in front of Stanley.

"Thanks, Stanley. You have no idea what this means to me."

"Actually, I do. That prison example? Yeah, that happened to me more times than I care to count."

Xev shook her head. "We're both damaged goods, aren't we?"

Stanley smiled ruefully. "That's The Cluster for you," he said.

Xev felt conflicted. She had originally intended to demand Stanley's jumpsuit on the spot and keep it a day or two just to make a point; not to wear it—it was too smelly—but to make Stanley miserable.

Now she reconsidered. She hadn't known about Stanley's prison experience. Would taking away his clothes when she had no intention of wearing them make her as arbitrary as a prison guard? On the other hand, it was now the only article of clothing between them. Stanley had an obligation to share. Kai wasn't involved, so he didn't count.

Just then, Stanley swatted another biting fly.

Oh, the flies, Xev thought. She had forgotten about them! She had no idea why they left her alone, but they would eat Stanley alive. That decided it.

"Okay Stanley, new rule. While we're on Dagobah, any time we're outside, you wear the jumpsuit. You need fly protection—I don't. As long as you're on good behavior, I'm even okay with you keeping it when we're back on the Lexx. For now. Do not assume this means forever, and do not piss me off. I reserve the right to demand your jumpsuit at any time for any reason, except when we're out here," Xev said, waving to indicate nature all around them.

"Okay, that's fair," said Stanley, relieved. "Generous, under the circumstances."

She paused and wrinkled her nose. "Besides, your jumpsuit is pretty ripe. It needs a good washing. Make that two washings."

Stanley smiled. "So, if I don't wash my jumpsuit…."

Xev shook a finger at Stanley. "Uh uh. Do not test me. I will take your nasty jumpsuit and toss it off Lexx's bridge into the pit below. Or burn it."

She grinned. "Mind you, once I have my own clothes again, I might choose to not always wear them—"

"Please don't," Stanley interjected.

"I might even choose to go naked forever," Xev said, hiding a snicker.

"Do I have any agency here?" Stanley said pointedly.

Xev laughed, sat back down beside Stanley and gave him a hug. "Sorry. Sometimes I can't help teasing you. It's all I have left."

"Not so," replied Stanley. "You have a lot more than you know. Besides the jumpsuit option, you can be kind, and just now were really super generous. You are smart, amazingly self-assured, resourceful—those are assets of a sort."

Xev practically glowed at the complement. Her eyes wandered over to the moth.

"Oh! I still have my boots too." She pointed to where they stood.

"See? More assets, which brings to mind something else. Earlier you made a point about observer versus voyeur. Well, back at you. There's also a difference between nudity and exhibitionism. If you're simply naked, that's just, well, call it living naturally. Strutting your stuff, especially while wearing nothing but boots, is exhibitionism. Please don't be an exhibitionist. My heart can't take it."

Xev laughed. "Fair enough—the boots stay put. And no more putting on a show like last night. Well, best effort anyway. Or by request," she said with a smile.

Stanley laughed and shook his head. "You're going to be the death of me yet."

They sat quietly together once again.

Stanley brightened. "Now here's something. First, Yoda should be back any minute with something to eat. Eating will help. Then I'll get on the comm and talk to Kai and 790. We'll put our heads together. You will have clothes and that all important agency again."

Xev smiled. "Hey, don't forget—I already have agency. But yeah, I was feeling so miserable this morning. I kept thinking—this is it, I'm screwed. But you're right, it's only temporary. Knowing that is half the battle. Now we just need to fix it."

She gave Stanley another hug. Just yesterday, hugs would have sent him over the top. Today, he took it in stride.

"You know," said Stanley. "When you didn't come back from your swim, I got worried. After a couple of hours, I went back to the small pond to see if you were okay. And there you were, Xev, curled up asleep in the grass like you were born here, in your element. This planet really suits you."

"Yeah… I think it does."

"Oh look," Stanley said, pointing. "Yoda's back. Let's see what he has."

They got up and walked side by side to the campfire, the remains of Xev's dress abandoned and forgotten. Tiny insect analogues were already hard at work, biting off chunks and carrying them back to their hives. Within hours, even the pieces would be only a memory.