Chapter 8: Back to the Lexx

Xev looked out through the moth canopy, trying to make out the sights through the driving rain. Kai was flying with a steady hand on the control.

Two days ago, it had rained for the first time since they arrived on Dagobah. Yoda said six days without rain on Dagobah was a drought. When the rain came that day, Xev spent most of the afternoon dancing around the clearing, enjoying the sensation of the rain. It brought back that euphoric feeling she experienced when she went for her very first swim. For the past few days, focusing on day-to-day living brought with it many long hours of not stressing about the future. While dancing in the rain on day six, she felt truly connected to Dagobah. She hoped the feeling would last.

Although the grass had been wet, it wasn't soaked through, it wasn't muddy and the temperature had not changed noticeably. Dagobah was still very warm and thrilling for Xev. She simply bedded down in the warm, wet grass that night and considered it just another experience. The next morning, the sun came out and began to dry things out, making it as hot and humid as a sauna. Xev quite enjoyed it, but poor Stanley looked like he would melt, his jumpsuit damp and clinging. She suggested he follow her example and strip off, but he insisted he was fine. She thought Stanley was just being stuck-up, until she remembered the flies. Xev, on the other hand, felt fully adapted to life on Dagobah.

The next day the rain came back, and this time it wasn't any fun. If she had felt connected before, this time Dagobah seemed determined to break that connection. She couldn't keep the fire going, and her grassy "nest" where she had been sleeping had turned into a muddy puddle. She retreated to the damaged moth and put in a call to the Lexx. And here was Kai, taking her back for the first time since they arrived.

The rain began to let up as they approached, allowing her to glimpse the Lexx and the kilometers long path of destruction that stretched back as far as she could see. That had been a shock, but thanks to the density of the swamp-forest, the Lexx had declared itself full yesterday, far sooner than anticipated and was now simply parked. Yoda said Dagobah was resilient, and within five to ten years you would never know the Lexx had been there. She hoped that was true.

The moth flew in through the airlock and out of the rain. They circled the landing pad and settled down. Stanley was on hand, holding 790. As she climbed out of the moth, she knew this was the time to put Stanley's pledge to the test.

790 was blathering on about how much he loved her and missed her—she didn't really care. Xev ignored 790 and instead snapped her fingers at Stanley. "Jumpsuit!" she commanded.

Stanley started to protest, but when he saw the determined look on Xev's face, he did as he was told. He was soon left standing in a raggedy old pair of skivvies. Xev quickly stepped into the jumpsuit and zipped it up.

"So Xev, what are your plans for my jumpsuit?" Stanley nervously asked as he hiked up his underwear in an attempt to better cover his gut overhang.

"Your jumpsuit?" Xev replied. "I'll let you know what I plan to do with my…" she stretched out the word "…new jumpsuit. See you later."

Xev walked off the landing pad with as much speed as dignity would allow. Once she was out of sight, she ducked into an unused service corridor, quickly took off the jumpsuit and kicked it away from her.

It was unbelievably itchy! How could Stanley stand to wear the thing? Clearly, the lowest-level security guards back on the Cluster got the worst clothing. On top of that, it smelled like Stanley, and the very idea of wrapping herself in "Stanley" was repulsive. It was completely unacceptable.

Now Xev considered: she didn't want Stanley to know she wasn't wearing the jumpsuit—not yet anyway. This was about enforcing their agreement. As long as she stayed out of sight, he's assume she was wearing it.

She picked up the jumpsuit and peeked around the corner. Could she make a run for the showers without being caught, or would she have to put it on again? She decided it was worth the risk, and sneaked down the corridor, holding the nasty jumpsuit out as far away from herself as she could. She made it to the showers without incident, dropped the jumpsuit, tugged on a shower nozzle and tried to wash away the itchy feeling. The water soothed her skin and soon she was feeling better.

She considered what to do next. Xev really didn't want to deal with Stanley yet, and she would be too easy to find if she went her sleeping chamber. The last place Stanley would check was the landing pad. Everyone should be gone from there by now. She'd double back there.

She picked up the jumpsuit once again and considered wearing it before leaving. No, it was just too itchy and revolting. Once more she went down the corridor, pausing every few meters to listen for voices. She made it to the landing pad, and looked around. No one was in sight. Xev slowly walked out until she was standing beside the moth in the open cavity of the Lexx. Then she realized she was still holding the jumpsuit and dropped it. She closed her eyes and listened to the quiet background digestive gurgling sounds the Lexx made. She tried to pretend it was the sounds of Dagobah.

"I believe you dropped this."

Xev practically leapt out of her skin. "Kai! Oh! Hello. I didn't know you were here."

"Are you feeling better now?" asked Kai. "I had noticed you seemed to be having difficulty."

"Yes Kai, I'm better now. Thanks."

Kai held out the jumpsuit. "Do you want this back?"

"NO! That is to say, I'm finished with it now. Could you return it to Stanley? Tell him thanks for the tryout. It has given me ideas on how to modify it."

She looked down at herself and realized tiny red spots were starting to show. "Hey Kai? Before you go, are there red spots on my back?"

"Hold out your arms." Kai walked around Xev. "There are spots all over your body, but they are not evenly distributed. The greatest concentration is on your shoulders, your back, the top of your breasts, and the fewest on your forearms and below the knees." Kai held up the jumpsuit. "The pattern is consistent with this."

"Oh Kai! Please don't tell Stanley. I seem to have had some sort of allergic reaction, but I don't want him to know yet."

Kai simply nodded and left.

Xev didn't want anything touching her until she recovered, and until then, she wanted to avoid running into Stanley. With nothing better to do, she decided to explore the less frequented areas of the Lexx.

The next morning, Stanley didn't hear Xev as she padded onto the bridge with bare feet. She was feeling a lot better, and her mysterious spots were gone. "Morning Stanley."

"Morning Xev—whoa!" said Stanley jumping back a little. "Sorry. I was more or less getting used to you being na… well, you know, embracing nature out there…." He jerked his thumb to indicate Dagobah. "…but not so much in here. It threw me for a loop."

"Yeah, funny thing," Xev replied. "At the campsite these last few days, I never once thought about clothes, but when I woke up in my bed this morning, the first thing I did was look for my dress. Oops, no dress. Then after my shower, I started to head back to my sleeping chamber to get dressed. Oops again. So I came here instead."

790 came rolling in on its cart. "Xev! Woman of my dreams, I will always love you no matter what. Tweedle you insensitive clod! Give Xev your jumpsuit immediately!"

"NO!" Xev and Stanley shouted simultaneously. They looked at each other.

"I mean," said Xev, trying to recover, "we have a deal. Except for me trying it on for size yesterday, Stanley gets to keep his jumpsuit for a week, and the week isn't over yet, right Stanley?"

"That's right Xev," declared Stanley, relived she was on his side.

"After all," said Xev, as she stepped up to Stanley and began to brush imaginary lint off his shoulder. "We wouldn't want to be… premature… would we?" She stopped brushing to examine her fingers, and leaned in closer to look Stanley directly in the eyes.

"No," gritted Stanley, who was struggling to not step back.

"Right then," said Xev and turned away. Stanley let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

Hmm, thought Xev as she examined her fingernails, he stood his ground. I must be losing my touch.

"But Xev darling," said 790. "Deals with Tweedle don't count! You can make him give you his jumpsuit. I know you've got it in you!"

Xev leaned over and patted 790 on the head. "Yes I could, 790," she said quietly. "But a deal works both ways. You wouldn't want me to be known as a deal-breaker, would you? I wouldn't be able to make deals with anyone else."

"But it's just Tweedle, my sweet! No one should keep a deal with him! I wouldn't!"

"Yes, but 790," Xev said, and leaned in even closer, whispering. "It's driving him absolutely crazy. Just look at Stanley. He's a wreck. He can't even look this way while I'm bent over."

"Oooo," 790 whispered back. "Stick to the deal Xev! Stick to the deal! In fact, never wear clothes again. With luck, it will give the security guard a heart attack and you'll get the key to the Lexx!"

Xev snickered at that. "Always thinking ahead, eh 790?" she whispered with a smile as she straightened up.

790 rolled towards Stanley. "Hey security guard. Take all the time you need with your little project. Haste makes waste." And with that, 790 rolled off the bridge whistling.

"Thanks for backing me up, Xev." Stanley nervously played with the zipper on his jumpsuit. "And I really, really appreciate how patient and understanding you've been. I honestly don't know how well I'd hold up if our roles were reversed. You seem to be managing really well."

"Why thank you Stanley. I did agree to give you a week, and in his own way 790 is right about not being too hasty. But I won't be patient forever. Our roles could very well reverse." Xev paused to look Stanley up and down. "Nice jumpsuit."

Stanley gulped. "So hey! Xev, it's not been a full week yet, but would you like to see what we've been up to so far? There isn't much to show yet, I'm afraid."

Xev smiled. "Lead the way."

Stanley led Xev to a room not far from the cryochamber. A crud workbench had been set up, and there were a series of open bottles. Through dark liquid, Xev could just make out pieces of something floating in each bottle.

"This is it?" she asked, disappointed.

"Now, now. Let me explain," said Stanley. "These…" He pointed to the bottles, "…are pieces of cluster lizard skin."

"Cluster lizard? You found a cluster lizard? Oh Stanley!" Xev squealed with delight and gave Stanley a bear hug. Stanley turned bright red but held up.

"This is so much better than I imagined!" Xev exclaimed. "I figured you were trying to tie a bunch of leaves together; something that might last a week at best before falling apart. And be itchy," she added, thinking about the jumpsuit.

"Well, more like half a cluster lizard. Less really. These pieces were about all we could salvage."

Xev looked at the bottles again. "So what is that? Maybe enough for a loincloth if I go topless?"

"Half a loincloth," Stanley said with a grin. "But don't worry, Kai is still searching the Lexx for more cluster lizards. There are bound to be more than the ones you used the first time around. They have to be somewhere. This is really just a test run while the search continues."

"What is that stuff?" Xev said, pointing at the bottles.

"Swamp water," Stanley said with puffed up pride. "It turns out swamps have tannic acid, and Dagobah is one big swamp. These have been boiled down to increase the concentration of tannic acid. We're using it to treat the skins. When properly treated, skins become leather; resistant to rot, bugs, and funny smells. And let's face it—your old dress did have an odd odor from time to time."

"Now each bottle has a different concentration," Stanley continued. "Kai knows the details. And as for your boots…" he said with a smile, "…they're not cluster lizard, but they are leather. The idea is to compare them to our own efforts."

"Wow," said Xev, her eyes glowing. "I'm actually impressed. I had figured I would be taking your jumpsuit by the end of the week. But this has real possibilities." Xev turned and gave Stanley a second hug and kissed him on the cheek. "I have to admit, I wasn't planning to put up with this for much longer. But for a real cluster lizard dress? Oh yeah, I can wait." Xev turned and went happily skipping out of the room and down the hall, leaving behind a slightly stunned Stanley.

"Two hugs in one day," mused Stanley. "I could get used to that."