Chapter 10: Lost

Another two weeks searching, and still no cluster lizards. Both Stanley and Xev were tired and worried. The constant walking proved to be exhausting. They were both seeing parts of the Lexx they had never visited before. They met up at mid-day in the food chamber.

Inside the chamber, a roughly textured, flesh colored tube-shaped construct approximately a meter in diameter came down from the ceiling, ending in multiple dispenser tubes that resembled over-sized, warty cow teats dangling above the flat end of a fleshy cylinder that grew up from the floor—a table stalagmite to the dispenser stalactite. A continuous, wide ring bench circled the table, providing a place for crew to sit, collect food from a dispenser tube, and eat.

Xev walked in, sat down facing outwards on the ring bench, then turned sideways, resting her left foot on the bench, her right leg on the outside, so she could face towards Stanley who was already seated. He had both of his legs inside the ring bench, knees jammed into the table column, talking to the dispenser tube in front of him. She massaged the top of her left foot as she quietly watched and listened to Stanley try to place an order.

"So Lexx," Stanley said while rubbing his hands together, "What I want is a roast beef sandwich. You know, where the roast beef is thinly sliced, on pumpernickel bread, toasted with melted cheese—but not too melted—just enough to be soft without being runny. Oh, and mustard—not the yellow kind, but a spicy brown mustard with the little seeds, pickle slices and a bit of lettuce too. Do you think you can do that, Lexx?"

The Lexx responded by sneezing a blob of blue-green gunk with the consistency of rice pudding out of a dangling dispenser tube into a basin. The blob hit the basin, and began to slowly sag and spread. Stanley ran two fingers through the spreading mess and gave it a taste.

"Oh come on Lexx!" Stanley cried in frustration.

"What is a roast beef sandwich, Stanley?" asked the Lexx.

"I don't know why you bother," commented Xev. She dropped her left foot inside the bench ring, put her right foot up on the bench, and began to massage it. "No matter what you ask for, the Lexx always gives us the same thing." She paused and pointed at the blob. "That."

"Well I was hoping it might at least have a different flavor or texture," replied Stanley, who began scooping up and eating his meal. "Then I could close my eyes and pretend I was eating something else."

"You can eat something else," Xev replied. She dropped her right foot down and now sat straddling the bench, facing Stanley. Instead of a verbal command, she grabbed the nearest warty dispenser tube with her left hand and gave it a tickling caress followed by a firm pull and squeeze. She was rewarded with an allotment of the same blue-green sustenance.

She began scooping it up with her fingers, licking them clean. "Once we're done with our search, we can fly back to the clearing, forage and cook a campfire meal. I could use a change myself."

Stanley glanced over at Xev and quickly looked away. "Tempting, but with the recent rain during this so-called dry season, the flies are worse than ever. I'll give it a pass."

Xev grinned. "Your loss," she replied as she finished eating. She looked through rather than at Stanley, eyes out of focus as she sucked on her fingers, idly cleaning off the last of the food residue while considering what they should do next in their search.

"Do you have to do that?" Stanley said, the beginning of a strained whine in his voice.

Xev's eyes suddenly snapped back into focus on Stanley. She paused, fingers still in her mouth, when she suddenly realized how she must look: sitting naked astride the bench, sensuously sucking on her fingers. She wasn't trying to tease Stanley—she simply hadn't thought about it, and she had forgotten she was naked! It suddenly struck her as funny. She covered her face and bent forward laughing. As she recovered, Xev sat up straight, then settled back with her arms behind her, hands braced on the bench, taking some of her upper body weight.

She looked at Stanley with amusement. "That wasn't on purpose," she finally said.

"I know," Stanley replied. "You had a faraway look in your eyes."

Stanley had to wonder about Xev's self-awareness. She had this habit of sometimes sitting with open legs, and that habit hadn't changed since losing her clothes. Most of the time he could ignore it, but today was a double whammy of oblivious innocence while sitting astride the bench, forcing her legs apart, and she seemed to be in no hurry to change positions. "Force" might not be the right word—she did choose to sit that way—but knowing she couldn't close her legs as long as she stayed put was incredibly sexy to him.

Obviously, Xev was making no effort to hide anything, but neither did Stanley get any sense she was being deliberate. If she had been, then her legs would be thrown open in a full split. There was no sense of that exhibitionist's look-at-me provocation as she might have done a month ago, but rather it was the relaxed stance of someone who was perfectly at ease; someone who was comfortable both with herself and with him.

Stanley was a little surprised at his own reaction. By now, her body was a familiar sight. He knew every square centimeter, curve and line; the pattern of tiny, barely visible moles and freckles on her skin that normally went unnoticed, the cute twin dimples just above her lovely butt cheeks, and the high arches and long toes of her feet.

A change of state happened. Maybe, instead of sitting lost in thought, it was her renewed focus; or maybe it was the slightest change in body language; or maybe it was all in his head, but in Stanley's mind, Xev suddenly transformed from an overwhelmingly erotic creature of desire mere seconds ago, to simply being his friend.

After a month to adjust, Xev could walk up him, have a conversation, walk off, and later, Stanley be unable to recall if she had been naked at the time. And of course, she had been. He had simply stopped noticing—until this moment.

Stanley's mental image of Xev in a cluster lizard dress was being displaced by what he thought of as "Dagobah Xev." He could no more imagine "Dagobah Xev" wearing clothes than one might expect a cluster lizard to dress up, and Xev was part cluster lizard. Just maybe, not wearing clothes was her true natural state. It was something to think about.

His mind, he realized, was a jumbled contradiction of conflicting ideas and images fighting for dominance.

Stanley took in a breath, let it out and relaxed. "You know, just when I think I've gotten used to how you are now, whew boy! A 'Wow!' moment happens that raises awareness to full alert. I mean, your weapons-grade-hot body may not be a mystery, but you still pack a nuclear punch, and once it a while it sneaks up on me. But you still have infinite mystery on the inside you know. I mean, I've got no idea what you might say or do next and who cares if your hot bod isn't a mystery—it's your mind that matters 'cause clothes don't make the person. And you will always be you, so you just do your thing. Because I'm good with it. I'm good. And I'm babbling and I'm going to shut up now."

"Uh…. Thanks? …I think," replied Xev, not entirely sure what had gotten into Stanley, and not entirely sure she cared for the idea of her body having a diminished influence on him—if that was what he was getting at. She liked having that tool at her disposal.

Stanley swung his legs around and over the bench and slowly stood up, a bit stiff from all the walking. He took two steps over to Xev and held out his hand.

"To the bridge?" he said with a little smile.

"Okay…," Xev said slowly, still processing Stanley's babble. She shook her head. Better to not think about it.

Xev stood up, took Stanley's hand, and allowed him to help her step over the bench. She looked him in the eye and said, "To the bridge."

They walked in companionable silence for a bit when Stanley began to speak.

"You know, I haven't wanted to say anything, but we need to be thinking about alternatives to finding cluster lizards. You know, assuming you still want to wear clothes."

Xev snorted at that, smiled and shook her head, but otherwise said nothing.

Stanley hesitated, then pressed on. "I mean, yeah, you started out saying you're not really a nudist, but since then you seem to have, I don't know, really gotten into it. You did say you'd rather be naked while we're parked on this planet because it's more comfortable. So, if you want to continue being… comfortable... after we leave, feel free. I'm used to it."

"Uh huh," Xev said noncommittally.

"And hey, you're part cluster lizard, and cluster lizards don't wear clothes. And when you think about it, isn't it a little bit weird for a cluster lizard to wear another cluster lizard's skin as a dress? Isn't that kind of like the way Giggerota wore her dead husband's skin as clothing?"

"You've put way too much thought into this."

Stanley shrugged. "Hey, it's just a 'what if' thing."

Xev smiled at Stanley. "So I should stop worrying and go naked forever?"

Stanley shrugged once again and tried to hide a smile. "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

Xev nodded her head. "Okay, I'm convinced. I secretly never really liked wearing clothes anyway. At last I can be myself!"

"Really?"

"Oh yes. It's good to know I have your full support to be completely naked when I'm old, fat and gray, my skin is paper thin and wrinkly, my butt is saggy, and my tits stretch down to my navel."

Stanley looked alarmed at that. "Uh... it doesn't have to be forever."

Xev laughed loudly, the sound practically echoing off the Lexx's walls as they walked. "You are so shallow," she said as she shook her head.

"Remember Stanley, this is me being practical, not a nudist." Xev cocked her head in thought. "Or maybe I am a nudist? In practice, perhaps, but not in spirit. Whatever. Anyway, I'd quite forgotten I was naked until you reminded me. Which I guess means you can get used to anything, given enough time. But getting used to something isn't the same as 'getting into it' any more than getting used to living in a prison means you want be a prisoner forever."

"Sorry," Stanley said as he gave a shrug and a sheepish grin.

Xev waved dismissively. "Hey, no worries, but the fact is, Stanley, even if I wanted to be a full-time nudist, I still need clothes. Other planets aren't going to be like Dagobah. I don't want to be stuck waiting aboard the Lexx if the next planet frowns on nude visitors. I also can't stop thinking about dress improvements.

"My old dress was made from dried skin. If it hadn't burned, the bugs would likely have destroyed it within a few days. Drying isn't good enough. We need Kai's tanning process for the next batch of skins. Dagobah's heat has taught me that the next dress should have a removable middle section, so that it can be worn as either a one piece or two piece."

Stanley nodded his head. "All good ideas, provided we find more cluster lizards."

"Yeah," replied Xev. "I've been thinking about that too. You said before we have nothing to trade, but that's not really true. We have ourselves."

"So what are you proposing?" smiled Stanley. "Standing on a street corner somewhere holding a sign that says, 'Get it here?'"

"Yes Stanley, you go right ahead," replied Xev with a grin. "But I had something else in mind. I've been talking to 790 about this galaxy. The Lexx is bigger than almost anything the locals have. What if we offered our services delivering bulk cargo?"

"I don't know Xev. Certainly the Lexx has a lot of wide open spaces inside, but I'm not certain how easily that could be used. The Lexx was not designed to be a cargo hauler. And besides," Stanley said, waving his hands as they walked, "how do we get ourselves set up in business? There are bound to be license fees, inspections, registrations, certifications, insurance, docking fees and other stuff. Rules and regulations we know nothing about. All of that requires startup money we don't have."

Xev shook her head. "You're thinking way too official, and all that would take too long. I imagine there are plenty of people or organizations who would be interested in the services of an unlicensed and unregistered ship. The rebels for a start, or people trading in illicit goods."

"You want us to become smugglers?"

"Why not?" said Xev as they walked onto the bridge. She peered more closely at Stanley. "You lived too long on the Cluster, didn't you? You don't seem the rebel type."

"I was a rebel!" protested Stanley. "But, you know, even rebellions need an organizational structure. I just happened to be at the bottom of that structure."

"So good of you to confirm what I've always suspected," said 790 as he rolled up to Xev and Stanley. "Once a loser, always a loser."

"Oh yeah?" retorted Stanley. "If I'm such a loser, where's your body?"

"At least I wasn't born this way," 790 fired back.

"Children!" Xev shouted, holding up her arms like a referee. "This stops now! I want you two to work together. 790, do you think you can make me happy and actually be useful to Stanley, especially when I'm not here?"

790 was quiet for a moment. "Oh Xev my beloved! The things you ask of me! But if it will make you happy…" 790 growled in Stanley's direction "…then I'll work with Tweedle. But I won't like it."

"I'm not asking you to like it," said Xev. "But it will make me very pleased for you to work with Stanley."

"Oh all right." 790 looked dejected. "Anything to make you happy, my sweet."

"So, 790," said Stanley, eager to put this to the test. "We completed searching the latest areas of the Lexx, and still nothing. Where do we search next?"

"Nowhere. There are no more places left to search."

"What?" Xev and Stanley said simultaneously.

"But I thought the search would take three weeks!" said Stanley. "It's only been two."

"The key phrase was 'up to' three weeks. Both of you have spent nearly every waking hour searching. That reduced the search to two weeks."

Xev looked shocked and disappointed.

"But! But! Kai said there were more dead cluster lizards!" Stanley sputtered.

"There probably were at one time. At a guess, the Lexx has recycled the last of the bodies."

Xev turned without a word and hurried off the bridge. Stanley expected her to head down the corridor; instead, he heard the sound of a moth taking off from the bridge landing pad.

"Where is Xev going?" asked 790, clearly surprised and concerned by Xev's behavior.

"Out," replied Stanley. "I guess she needs to absorb the news." Stanley looked more closely and noticed 790 had a guilty expression on its display. "Hey 790, don't worry about it. It's not like it's your fault, and Xev has been doing really well. She'll get over it. Is there anywhere else to look?"

"You could search Lexx's digestive tract."

"What? Why?" asked a suspicious Stanley. "Wouldn't any cluster lizards in there have been destroyed long ago?"

"Yes."

"So why search the digestive tract?"

"Because then I could have Xev all to myself."

It was now late afternoon, and Xev had not returned to the Lexx. Stanley was concerned and took a moth out. Sure enough, when he arrived at the now-familiar clearing, there was the damaged moth, with a second moth parked beside it. He could also see a fire burning at their campsite. Stanley circled around and landed his moth beside the other two.

This place is turning into a moth parking lot, he thought.

Stanley walked up to the campfire and sat down next to Xev. She had some vegetables circled around the fire and a pair of fish skewered on sticks cooking above the flame. The scene brought back memories of their first night on Dagobah.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Better than you might think, actually. After the first week searching, I was prepared to be disappointed, but I still hoped we'd find something, and when we didn't, well, I just didn't want to stay on board. After two weeks away on the Lexx, this feels like coming home."

Stanley nodded. "I can understand that."

"I like it here and I'll miss Dagobah," Xev said, "but I think it's time we left. There's still a whole galaxy out there to see."

She used a pair of sticks to begin turning the vegetables. "I do want to say good-bye to Yoda before we go, but we did finish up early and he's not back yet. I'd like to stay until he returns. We don't really have a way to get in touch with him after all…. What? What are you smiling about?"

Stanley chuckled. "Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking that out here on Dagobah, hunting your own food and stuff really seems to suit you."

Xev smiled. "Yeah, I guess Dagobah brings out the primitive in me. See those?" She pointed to the fish. "I caught those myself earlier today. Yoda showed me a fibrous plant that can be pulled apart and used as a fishing line. Just tie a piece of fruit to one end, trail it in the water, and with patience you have dinner."

"You fished the Big Bad Pond?" said Stanley, looking somewhat alarmed.

"Yes I did," Xev replied with pride. "Oh, don't worry," she said reassuringly. "I didn't do anything stupid like stand at the water's edge. I found a tree that leans out over the water, and fished from there, well above and out of reach. I don't think the big creature ever knew I was there."

Stanley shook his head. "I would never assume that creature doesn't know I'm there."

"Oh I agree with you on that point." Xev looked around the clearing and up into the night sky. "But still, there's something about this place… something that makes me feel connected to everything around me. Maybe it has something to do with the Force that Yoda talks about, or maybe I'm just imagining it—I don't know. While I will always be careful while fishing, I feel certain the creature was never aware of me."

"Look, I don't know if this Force is real or not…." Stanley trailed off at the look he was getting from Xev. "Okay, fine. Yoda somehow moved the damaged moth. But at least I do know Yoda is real, so I brought you this." Stanley pulled a small comm unit out of his pocket and handed it to Xev. "Just give him that next time he's here."

"Stanley! How thoughtful," Xev beamed, looking around. "Now where can I put this so it doesn't get lost?"

Stanley stood up and held out his hand. "How about if I put it in your moth for now? We can figure something out later."

"Thanks," said Xev, handing back the comm. She turned to watch Stanley make his delivery. There are times when Stanley can surprise me in a nice way, she thought, as Stanley returned and sat beside Xev once again.

"As it happens, I have enough food here for both of us. Would you care for something to eat?" she offered.

Stanley smiled. "I thought you'd never ask." He watched quietly as Xev began to move the vegetables away from the fire to let them cool.

"You know one thing I've discovered?" he said, and continued without waiting for an answer. "If I sit right next to you, the flies leave me alone. Well, mostly alone. You seem to have an anti-fly aura about you."

Xev gave a little laugh. "And it's a good thing too; otherwise I'd be in big trouble." She reached out with her hand and tested a vegetable. It was cool enough. She handed it off to Stanley.

"Here. Just peal that back and try it," she instructed.

"Hey! This is good," said a surprised Stanley who quickly wolfed it down.

"It may not be a roast beef sandwich," Xev said with a smile. "But it sure beats the stuff the Lexx feeds us. And you don't have to pretend it's something else."

As they ate their food, Stanley considered their surroundings. "You know, I'm starting to see why you like this place. But if you should decide to live here long-term, you definitely need shelter. Yoda did say this is the dry season—and unusually dry at that. There are only so many days you can sleep under the open sky."

"Oh, don't worry Stanley," Xev said, giving his arm a pat. "I'm not planning to settle down permanently. There's still a whole galaxy out there we know nothing about. I'd like to see more of it." Xev paused. "You know, you still haven't tried sleeping out under the open sky like I've been doing. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Are you kidding? Even if you spooned me, the flies would eat me alive," Stanley said with a shudder.

Xev was disappointed but tried to not let it show. "Yeah, you're probably right about that. I still think you're missing out." She yawned. "Well, I'm ready to go to sleep. Will you be back in the morning?"

"I can do that. See you in the morning then." Stanley got up, gave a friendly wave and walked off towards the moths.

Above Dagobah, an old Clone Wars era spy droid slipped into orbit. It was not particularly sophisticated, but for the images it recorded on the ground, it didn't need to be. After a few orbits, it transmitted its report and initiated an uncontrolled decent into atmosphere at an angle ensuring the spy droid would completely burn up at high altitude. To an observer on the ground, it would look like just another meteor.