"I don't know," Meredith sucks at her teeth. Her pen rattles against the stack of charts resting on the nurses station. The hospital is bustling with life, doctors and nurses and techs all weaving around one another to get to their destination. This is her home. It has been her home since she came to Seattle eleven years ago.
Her friend sighs in response to Meredith's qualms, "Come on, what else do you have to do?" She tilts her head.
"My job. I have patients that need attention," Meredith argues in an attempt to weasel her way out of the proposition.
She shakes her head. "That's what residents are for. When you become an attending all the grunt work falls on them. You're allowed to leave at a reasonable hour for a reason, Mer," she argues back, reaching to nudge her side.
Amelia Shepherd isn't the sort of person who takes 'no' lightly. She is incredibly stubborn and rather annoying for lack of a better word. She only started six months ago after quitting her previous job at a practice in Los Angeles. When Nelson, their previous head of neurosurgery retired, the hospital was in a crunch to replace him. According to Richard Webber, she's the best in the country.
For whatever purpose Amelia is insistent on being friends with Meredith. She reminds her a lot of someone she used to know years and years back but she can't quite place her finger on exactly what the resemblance is. Meredith isn't someone who takes well to new people or surroundings. She's comfortable with what's familiar, change tends to spook her easily. After a while Meredith gave up on keeping her relationship with Amelia strictly professional because arguing with the woman was a bit like arguing with a child. She wasn't going to win that battle.
"I have um, a thing," Meredith mumbles.
The pen she's safely cradling is then snatched from her grasp. "Don't lie to me. I know when people are lying, Meredith. I'm a former drug addicr, it's easy to tell. You don't have a 'thing' and you're trying to get out of this because you're scared I'm trying to set you up with a complete loser," she says, clearly frustrated by the direction the conversation is headed.
"I never said that. I just don't do blind dates is all. Plus I'm not looking to date anyone. I have a lot of work to focus on and it's hard meeting people who don't understand what we do for a living."
"See this is how I know you don't listen," Amelia huffs, "This is not some random man, it's my brother! He's a neurosurgeon like me so he definitely understands how intense our job is."
Meredith fights the urge not to roll her eyes back into her head. Being with Amelia for ten hours a day at work is already a lot to handle. Imagining herself leaving work and going on a random date with her brother who probably shares similarities with Amelia only sends chills down her spine. It isn't exactly her idea of a great evening.
"And why have you never mentioned this mysterious brother before now?" Meredith questions.
"Because there isn't much to tell. He's lived in New York and D.C. the last decade and I lived in California. Not a lot of room for communication."
Meredith furrows her brow. "Something tells me that is not the entire story."
"Okay, well he isn't the most communicative person," Amelia admits sheepishly. "He definitely holds a lot of resentment toward me because of the whole drug problem thing and it caused a lot of strain between us. But he's my big brother and when I got clean I promised myself our relationship would get better. When he told me he was leaving D.C. I suggested he come here so that he and I could work on things."
"Amelia, how old even is he? You said he was your older brother."
She fiddles with her fingers for a moment as Meredith awaits her response. It almost seems as if Amelia was doing mental gymnastics to calculate. "Forty-seven. No, forty-eight technically but his birthday isn't until next week," she says.
Meredith's expression must be off putting because Amelia immediately adds, "He doesn't look that old. He's actually annoyingly handsome."
"Amelia," Meredith hisses, "He is twelve years older than me!"
Amelia shrugs and sighs, "I promise he isn't some old guy who sits in a basement watching porn, that's what his best friend does. Despite his arrogant 'gift to God' attitude he is pleasant to be around. Plus he needs to get laid, he is so uptight sometimes," she responds.
"And why am I the person who get's to be your brothers 'Welcome to Seattle' free fuck?"
She doesn't respond immediately but judging by the look etched along her features it isn't hard to guess exactly why Amelia chose her. Suddenly Meredith feels somewhat offended by the entire ordeal. Not only did Amelia see her as some lonely lady that can't get a boyfriend, but also someone uptight like her brother.
"Come on, Mer. I've only been here six months and it isn't difficult to figure out you haven't had a really good orgasm in a while."
Meredith slams down the charts she was busying herself with earlier. "I will have you know I have had plenty of orgasms in the last six months, not that it's your business," she replies.
Amelia folds her arms across her chest. "A vibrator doesn't count."
She slackens at that, feeling her cheeks burn.
"In all honesty you just seem lonely. You're right, I don't know you super well, but I know you enough to realize you've been alone for the majority of your life. People are scary and change is hard but it's okay to take a risk. If you really don't want to go on the date with my brother I won't force you," Amelia says truthfully.
Despite Meredith's feelings toward Amelia she isn't entirely wrong to assume that. Meredith doesn't do well with relationships, especially romantic ones, because she's essentially a beaten puppy. Sometimes she wonders if life is secretly out to get her considering the trials and tribulations she's been forced through. She can't trust easily and she hates herself for it. She has never been good at accepting help from other people but maybe now is the time to change her tune.
She doesn't respond immediately and Amelia seems to take that as a final 'no' on the proposition. As she strides to walk off, Meredith grips the sleeve of her lab coat.
"Wait," she quips to stop the brunette from leaving. "What does he look like? Can I know that much?"
Amelia grins, showcasing the entire front row of her teeth. "Like me, but taller and shorter hair. I don't know if I have an updated photo in my phone but," she pauses to scroll through her photo album. "Oh, here's one," she passes the phone along to Meredith.
The picture she provides could most definitely be classified as older. In fact, her brother couldn't be more than thirteen in the photo. He was a scrawny little thing. Braces and a crooked nose. His hair was all over the place not to mention insanely curly. He held a saxophone that was awkwardly too big for him. Meredith's renewed hope for this date deflates instantly.
"He's like in middle school in this picture. You don't have, I don't know, a photo that he isn't wearing braces in?" Meredith hands the phone back rather annoyed.
She shrugs. "Not really. I told you we've been estranged for a while but over the last year we reconnected. The only person who probably keeps updated photos of him is my mother and I refuse to contact her."
"Amelia," Meredith groans. She feels a tension headache beginning to form. Her fingers move to stroke her temples.
"He is very handsome. He isn't 5'3 anymore and his hair is annoyingly perfect. Plus those braces did wonders for his teeth!"
Meredith juggles her options for the evening. It was either spend another night at home burying her sorrows in strawberry ice cream or go on a date with a man her co-worker swore was attractive and easy to talk to. She finds the age gap to be slightly concerning. Also it's confusing she hasn't heard a single thing about Amelia's brother since they met.
"Alright, I'll go on the stupid date," Meredith begrudgingly grumbles.
Amelia is nearly bouncing with excitement the second Meredith agrees to the entire arrangement. "I knew you would give in! I'll text you the details but I told him to meet you at the restaurant around 7:30 tonight."
"What's his name?" Meredith quips, realizing she never once mentioned it.
"Oh, it's-" she's cut short by the blare of Meredith's pager. 911 in the ER.
"I have to go," Meredith murmurs, fidgeting with the pager to stop the device from screeching.
As she brushes past Amelia to make her way down to the emergency room, she hears her shout out, "The reservation should be under Shepherd!" And it's the last Meredith saw of Amelia for the rest of the day.
"Sounds like a freak to me," Alex mumbles between bites of his chicken sandwich. Meredith is sitting at a table in the cafeteria with Alex and his intern girlfriend Jo Wilson. She swishes her plastic fork around the wilted lettuce of her pathetic excuse of a salad.
With Cristina gone the only real person Meredith keeps in contact with outside the hospital walls is Alex Karev. Everyone else she's grown fond of since starting at Seattle Grace has either left or died. Unfortunately for Meredith his girlfriend is stuck to his side like a puppy clinging to its mother and it pisses Meredith off to be frank. There isn't anything particularly wrong with Jo. Alex deserves someone to be happy with after Izzie. But Jo happens to be with Alex all the freaking time and it was getting to a point of annoyance for her.
"Alex," Meredith sighs.
"Forty-eight, not married, no kids, asking his little sister to help get him laid. Yeah, a loser," he asserts pointedly. He turns his gaze to Jo who is silently munching on soggy fries. "You agree, right?" He questions.
"I uh-" Jo begins.
"I don't need your opinion," Meredith interrupts, her tone curt, "and you don't know anything," she sticks her index finger out at Alex. "The last serious girlfriend you had went insane and ran out on you. The one you have now is like twelve years old."
"I'm sitting right here," Jo scoffs. "And Alex's life has nothing to do with you or how justified his opinion is, frankly. At least he's in a relationship. You're the one being set up on a blind date, shouldn't that tell you something?"
Alex starts to snicker and Meredith has to fight off the urge not to bludgeon his shin underneath the table with her foot. "She's not wrong, Mer. Plus weren't you the one balling an attending all those years ago?"
Heat rises to Meredith's cheeks instantly. A tightness constricts behind her ribs at slightest the mention of her past. Of him. "That was different," her words are soft.
"No, not really."
"I don't want to talk about him. This in fact has nothing to do with him," Meredith spits back heatedly. Her nails clutch fistfuls of her scrubs beneath the table.
"Talk about who?" Jo interjects.
"No one that concerns you, Wilson," she sighs. Meredith slumps backwards in her plastic chair. Bringing up her past never seems to go over well. It doesn't matter that what happened went down nearly a decade ago. That wound will be fresh for the rest of her life and she hates herself for feeling that way.
Alex drops the remainder of his sandwich on the plastic tray in front of him. Intertwining his rugged fingers, he starts, "If you want to go on this stupid blind date then that's your business. Not to be mushy or weird but you're kinda like my sister and I care about you. You deserve some kind of happiness in your life outside of this damn place. Even if the guy is a freak."
"If it's horrible I can always just climb out the bathroom window or something," she mumbles. She finds herself fidgeting and pulling at the skin around her fingers nervously.
"If you need saving just call me and I'll page you from the hospital since I'm on call tonight."
"Hey this could be the love of your life," Jo suddenly interjects.
Meredith rolls her eyes at her comment. "I seriously doubt Amelia Shepherd's brother is going to be the love of my life."
Alex and Jo share a look. "It doesn't matter if he's the love of your life, you need to get laid," he says. This time Meredith really does kick her foot forward. Alex hisses underneath his breath. At that, Meredith smiles to herself and continues poking at her awful salad.
This felt stupid. Only self absorbed women stood in front of the mirror and ogled at their own appearance. Meredith watches herself in nothing but her lace bra and matching panties, nitpicking the details of her body in the full length mirror. She blew out her hair and put on stupid eyeliner. Her outfit lies at the foot of her bed. She's switched out the lingerie set almost four times.
It is silly, really. Meredith is almost positive she won't be going home with this man. All that runs through her mind is what Amelia and Alex said. She needs a really good boinking. Was she seriously that uptight? She can't quite remember the last time she found herself in a man's bed. More than six months, less than a year. Maybe.
"You're pathetic," she says to herself. Ten years ago she slept with anything that had a penis and now she spends her Saturday nights cheating at solitaire online.
The noise of her phone buzzing draws Meredith away from her internal turmoil. There are a few unread messages stacked along her screen. One from Amelia providing the dinner details, another from Cristina who is a million miles away in Zurich, and a last one from Alex that consists of nothing but six or seven eggplant emojis. She shakes her head.
"You're a pig," she quickly types back to Alex. In moments such as these, Meredith misses Cristina more than usual. Alex is a somewhat decent stand in for her person but he doesn't always get Meredith the way Cristina does or at least did. With the time difference it's caused phone calls and Skype chats to grow longer and farther apart. Plus, Cristina is busy practically running an empire in Switzerland. It doesn't make for a lot of free time.
Meredith notices the unforgiving time and curses underneath her breath. She slips on a navy blouse and her favorite jeans, the ones that hug her hips just right. She's familiar with the restaurant and knew anything fancier might be overkill. She reaches for her bag, car keys, and phone before making a dash through the front door.
Her hands feel clammy curled around the steering wheel. Meredith Grey doesn't get nervous. Never in the OR and typically not when it came to men. For the majority of her life male partners were used as nothing more than sexual playthings. Relationships weren't her strong suit and they didn't come naturally to her.
But she was nervous about this.
When she reminisces on the ghosts of boyfriend's past, none of them stand out. She's hard to love and even harder to stick around for. Being alone eliminates the fear of abandonment and she definitely does fear being abandoned. Her mother never wanted her and her father ran off to start a new family by the time Meredith was six. People constantly leave left and right. Living in solitude seems like the easier choice.
A tightness constricts inside her chest. This wasn't going to be a standard hookup. This was a real, mature, adult date between two people. There would be wine and pasta and carbs in a basket. He would probably ask her about her life, what she does for work, her favorite things to do. It scares her shitless just imagining the conversations that may develop. She's not good at the small talk thing.
Walking into the restaurant Meredith feels tension in her belly. It's a quaint little Italian place located right in the middle of downtown Seattle. "I'm meeting someone. I think it's under Shepherd," Meredith says to the hostess.
"Let me see," a girl that couldn't be older than seventeen mumbles. "Dr. Shepherd arrived not too long ago. I'll take you back to the table," she motions for Meredith to follow.
Sweat starts to gather around her hairline while she weaves through tables. She knows absolutely nothing about this man other than he is Amelia's big brother and he works in the neurosurgery field. She didn't even get his first name from Amelia before slipping off to attend to her page.
As they approach a man's back is turned toward her. He's dressed in a navy sweater, a baby blue collar poking out at the top. The back of his head feels oddly… familiar. Which seems like an odd thing to recount. His hair is dark and wavy, salt is sprinkled throughout his coif. She can see the very edge of his hand resting against the tablecloth. Even his hands feel familiar and she starts to feel insane for even thinking something like that. Maybe it's her mind playing tricks on her. Maybe she's finally reached insanity.
Except the mystery man turns around and the uneasy feeling she was trying to push away is suddenly justified.
No, no, no, no, NO! There's flashing sirens going off inside her brain. RED ALERT her conscience panics. Meredith is frozen.
"Have a nice dinner," the hostess smiles before Meredith is able to sprint out the front door.
"Oh my god," he croaks from his seat.
"Is this some kind of sick joke?" Meredith suddenly gasps. The panicky feeling starts to bleed away and is replaced by something more on par with rage and anger.
"Meredith-" he starts.
"Don't say my name," she snaps at him. Neighboring tables are beginning to watch as the scene unfolds.
Nausea floods her completely. The back of her throat burns with the threat of losing her lunch all over the white table cloth. This isn't happening. She's just having a really awful dream and soon she'll wake up in a cold sweat lying in her bed. The nightmare is going to end soon, yes?
But it doesn't matter how hard she pinches her skin through the fabric of her blouse because this is now her reality. She can't will herself to wake up from this.
"You're Amelia's older brother?" Meredith questions.
She watches as he gingerly licks his lips, pondering the right words to choose. "Yes," he murmurs.
Suddenly the missing gaps start to puzzle together inside Meredith's head. Shepherd, neurosurgeon, New York. She feels idiotic for not realizing any of it sooner. Was this a set up? Had Amelia known who Meredith was the entire time? Her insides lurch and twist into knots. She hasn't seen him in the flesh in probably ten years or more. Meredith steps backward from the table for two. Unknowingly, she backs into a server whose tray goes flying through the aisle.
"Crap," Meredith pales and she scrambles to the floor to help clean up the mess.
"I've got it," the man growls back when she tries to pile plates on top of the tray. She takes that as her cue to step back.
As her eyes roam the room it feels like everyone is watching the train wreck that is her life. The chatter of people sharing conversations dies to a deadly silence. Pity and horror and humor wrack each and every one of their faces. She feels like a girl on stage in nothing but her underwear, all eyes piercing right through her.
"Meredith-" he calls again but she's already making a beeline toward the exit.
She's just outside the front doors when a strong, firm hand curls around her shoulder blade. Meredith doesn't need to turn in order to figure out the mystery of who is holding her hostage. "Don't touch me," she says stiffly and his hand immediately goes flying back.
The chill of winter in Seattle is a brittle blast of ice against her face. Downtown is a bustling maze of cars and traffic. The world spins in dizzying circles around her.
"Meredith," he says once more. The sound of her name rolling off his tongue sends chills rushing down her spine. There's a pit in her stomach. She wraps herself in the protective shield of her arms. The lump in her throat expands horrendously.
Meredith turns to face him. Derek Christopher Shepherd in the flesh. He's exactly the same yet so different. This is a moment she prayed would never come. She's turned down medical conferences and conventions to avoid this exact scenario. Any trip to New York she's refused. Anywhere that might remotely bring them together is not a place she wants to be.
"I think I'm going to be sick," she whispers. "Did- was this some kind of set up? Are you fucking with me?" Tears well in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. He doesn't deserve the satisfaction of watching her crumble because of him.
"Of course not. I had no idea who I was meeting tonight," he says with a gentleness ebbing.
"Like I believe that. Your little sister just so happens to quit her job in California and comes out to Seattle to work at the same hospital you did ten years ago and that's just a coincidence?" Meredith grits her teeth together. "You expect me to believe that?"
"Yes," Derek exclaims. "I didn't think- I knew Amelia was moving but she never mentioned where. I only knew she was in Seattle after she was already working in the hospital. I never thought that you would still be there or that she would be your friend."
"We're barely friends," Meredith snarks.
"I figured you left, Meredith. I couldn't imagine that you would stay after everything that happened-"
"Why wouldn't I stay?" She interrupts. "Did you assume that I was so broken I couldn't bear the thought of finishing my residency here? Seattle was my territory long before it was yours."
"I know that. Don't you think I know that? God, Meredith I would have never come out to Seattle if I even thought for a minute you would be here or that you still worked at Seattle Grace. I wouldn't do that to you."
Meredith stares at him stoically. There are lines that settle in places along his face that weren't there ten years prior. His hair has grayed but only slightly. He's leaner but the bulge of his triceps tells her he's been doing a lot of cardio. He's different and yet exactly the same. The wind swishes his perfect coif. He's staring back at her just as intently.
"I don't know if I believe you," she whispers.
Derek reaches to scratch his neck. "I promise that when I agreed to this blind date I didn't know who I was seeing. Amy didn't give me a name. I didn't even know it was someone she works with. She's a little sporadic like that."
Meredith chuckles bitterly at that. "A little is an understatement."
"She's definitely someone that you have to ease into. But she's my little sister and she's been clean for almost two years now. I'd been considering relocating but Seattle never felt like an option. She begged me though," he says genuinely. "Amy thinks that I'm going to die alone and despite insisting I'm content with my life she doesn't take no for an answer. She told me about her friend that is beautiful and funny and brilliant. She said we were similar and completely different at the same time which made me laugh because what the hell does that even mean? So yes, I agreed to see her insanely beautiful friend and to my surprise it was you."
Meredith finds that the tears she bit back were starting to sprout again. She feels so fucking stupid. The one time she agrees to let her guard down just a little and it blows up in her face. The man standing in front of Meredith hurt her deeply. She still finds herself picking up the pieces so many years later.
"Why are you here?" Meredith asks plainly.
"I needed a fresh start. Something happened in my life that I'm trying to move on from," Derek swallows. "I'm not here to torment you, Mer."
She shivers as her nickname rolls off his tongue. "Let me buy you dinner at least. You came all this way," he suggests.
Meredith shakes her head and sighs, "No thank you."
Derek nods but doesn't push the suggestion any further. He bites back his lip and asks, "You really didn't know Amelia was my sister?"
Meredith releases a deeper sigh. "No but… she reminded me of someone, a lot of someone actually. I'd been trying to place exactly who that someone was but I couldn't figure it out. I think maybe my subconscious didn't want to admit that she reminded me of you," she shakes her head. "She just always talks about her God awful sisters. There was never any mention of a brother until the other day when she brought this entire thing up."
"I'm truly sorry that this happened, Meredith. The last thing I want to do is hurt you anymore than I already have. This wasn't how I imagined seeing you again."
"You imagined seeing me again?" She suddenly asks.
At that, Derek grins. His smile is soft and somewhat shy. "I have thought about you every day since," he admits quietly.
Meredith doesn't respond. His words sink into the pores of her skin and wrap her like a cloak. It's the most painful revelation she's ever had the displeasure of hearing. For years she secretly ached to hear Derek utter those words. Except it doesn't make her feel any better. It only expands the pain she's experiencing. She turns on her heels and leaves him stranded at the curb. She doesn't look back even if it feels impossible not to.
Okay, so maybe I lied when I said I couldn't commit to a multi chapter fic. I've been doing some rewatching and it's sparked some serious interest. For context this story is set somewhere around season 11. Things are clearly different because MerDer wasn't together through the last decade. You'll soon figure out those changes and what I've decided to keep canon as we progress
Be gentle with me, I haven't written a multi chapter story since 2019 and I'm rusty. I do have a one-shot coming later tonight or tomorrow so keep watch for that. Otherwise for any prompt ideas or requests message me here or my twitter @PATRlCKDEMPSY I hope you guys are well and let me know your thoughts