Never Say Never (The Fray)

"Quinn?" Brittany said, perkier than I expected.

"Hey, B, I saw you called me in the night. Is everything alright?" I asked, feeling like I was lying to her by being so calm, but after yesterday's bomb dropping, I didn't care.

"Um, I hope so. I got green yesterday; not like Hulk green, but you know, jealous. I don't like sharing Santana with anyone, especially not you. So I lied to get you to move on."

"You lied?" I asked.

"About the pregnancy, but it could be true because we're married, and that's what married people do, except for you because you and Puck weren't married when you had Beth."

"Okay..."

"I shouldn't have lied; it's not my thing; it's yours. I'm not as good at it as you."

"Excuse me?" I felt like she punched me, but I kept my cool, happy that she couldn't see my face.

"You cheat and lie to get what you want; it's what you have always done, and in high school, Santana wanted to be like you so bad, and now she's headed that way. I can't lose her, Quinn, especially not to you."

"Even though it seems you want to trash me, which sure go for it, I can handle it; I just want you to realize who you married. Santana doesn't do well with people manipulating her. If you want to keep her, stop playing games. She's softer than she likes to admit and incredibly loyal to you. Maybe too much."

"I still won, though. You said so yourself."

"Yeah, as you said, I lie and cheat, so maybe you should watch your back."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you keep messing things up with Santana, she's going to leave you, and I'll be here waiting, and the part that sucks for you is that she knows it."

"Is that why you didn't come to the wedding because you don't think we are forever?"

"My time is too valuable to waste on make-believe. Be good to her, Brittany. Santana deserves the world."

"I know, and she has the world in me. We have each other, but what do you have? Lies and loneliness?"

"You're right, B. I've cried myself to sleep over her, and I always feel more alone when you're around, but I'm okay with that for now. She's yours to have, to hold, and hopefully not destroy. Good luck."

"We don't need luck. We are lobsters."

"And I'm water on Mars."

"Huh?"

"Goodbye, Britt."

It was like I was destined to torture myself as if I wasn't about to embark on an amazing journey to being a mother again. Why did I do this to myself?

My heart was telling me to call Santana and warn her about Brittany, to tell her what I had just said to her wife, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Brittany had lit a fire in me.

To her, this is now a war over who gets Santana's heart, but after being compared to ice water in hell and water on Mars, I knew that the pedestal Santana had me on didn't need my support to hold it up.

She had begged Brittany to be happy for her while she went off and pursued her dreams, and now I was hoping that Santana would do the same for me.

I was counting on it.

Maybe I had purposely planted the seeds of doubt and anxiety in Brittany's mind, and maybe I also had hoped they would flower while I worked on setting up my future.

And just maybe that was because I was holding onto Santana for dear life, but I wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even myself.

The entire drive to the airport, I kept looking down at my phone while Mother chattered on and on about what we should do for Beth's birthday, but I was only half listening.

Santana hadn't messaged me or called to tell me that Brittany had told her about our conversation, and it had been over an hour.

So either Santana was too mad to talk to me, had fallen asleep, or Brittany was going to keep our conversation to herself.

"Lucille?!" Mother snapped me back to attention with a name that felt so far from who I was anymore.

"Yes, Mother?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yeah. Listen, I may still be in Texas for her birthday; she's grieving. I don't want to overwhelm her with too much."

"It's more of a distraction that I'm thinking of. This almost conversation distracted me from asking you why you talked to Brittany that way this morning...especially after you were flirting with Santana just before."

"Wait...you heard all of that?"

She shot me a stern look before looking back at the road.

"You need to cut your contact to a minimum with both of them. I know you stopped going to church, but I think I taught you better than to be the OTHER woman. You hated your father for cheating on me...don't be like him, Quinn."

"Mother, this isn't the same."

"Is that what you've been telling yourself?"

"How did we even start this conversation? Weren't we just talking balloons or something?"

"Quinn, sweetheart, I know you have strong feelings for Santana; I've always known, maybe before you even knew, but it's too late, and you have something big coming your way. Don't let this thing you have going with Brittany and Santana get in your way. Everything from here on out needs to be about you and Beth."

"I know, Mother."

"You need to refocus all that energy into Beth and picking a Med. School program. Start planning your future."

"Okay, I get it."

"Do you?"

"YES. Can we drop it now?" I groaned, annoyed at her overattentive need to be my mom after all those years of being practically absent.

"I hope so." She said before turning up the radio and bopping along to some teenybopper jam. I rolled my eyes and shoved my silent phone into my purse.

As annoying as she was, my mother was right. I needed to stay firm in my decision to let things simmer on the back burner while I focused all my attention on Beth and Medical School.

Santana would come to me when she was ready; I just had to have a little faith.