Chapter 62: Martyr (Anna Eve)

Med School-Year 2

SANTANA'S POV

SEPTEMBER

"Who's Mami's little man, who?"

"Me!" Gabe declared as I pulled his wagon down the streets of my parent's neighborhood.

"What about me?" Beth asked as she blew bubbles for her brother.

"You didn't give me a chance. Who is Mami's best friend, and best Kiddo?"

"I am!"

"That's right."

"Do you think Mama will come for Anthony's birthday?" Beth asked me, but I already knew the real answer was no.

Quinn wasn't keeping promises; she hadn't been in a long time.

School was her number one priority, just like she had warned me it would be way back when she talked about college.

I never thought anything would be number one over me and the kids, but clearly, I was wrong.

This was her month off before her second year; she'd made it plain that she wanted to relax at home instead after already promising me that she'd come to Lima.

I felt crushed, but I was keeping it to myself.

Everyone warned me not to drop out of school to be a stay-at-home mom, and while I was miserably bored in L.A., I knew that our kids needed stability.

I had to be their rock, and they came first over everything.

For them, I was sober, I was present, and I guarded their love for Quinn with my life.

So, instead of telling Beth that her Mama had promised to come to Lima for the week but canceled on us, I lied.

"You know what, Kiddo, she's on break, and preparing for her second year of med school. I didn't even ask her. I just told her that I'd be bringing you home."

"Oh, okay. She's going to be a great doctor, just like Titi Lydia and Abuelo, right?"

"Exactly like them."

"Will we stay in L.A. forever?"

God, I hoped not.

"Depends on your Mama, but maybe if we get lucky, we can convince her to move us back home."

"To Philly?!"

"I know you miss it."

"I do, it was so fun getting to spend a month there, Mami. I saw all my friends and got to be in gymnastics again."

"I saw the videos, you're really good at flipping now."

"I know, right?!"

"Bubble!" Gabe shrieked when it had gone too long without entertainment, and Beth got back to work.

"Yes sir!"

"Yay!"

My wife is one of the smartest people that I know.

The problem with that is that she is someone who never learns from her mistakes.

If there is anything that Sue Sylvester taught me, it's to recognize patterns.

When Quinn is guilty, she overcorrects.

The problem with that is she always misses the most obvious things like cameras.

We have two small children, even though we live in Brentwood, I lived in New York, I trust no one.

I installed cameras that pick up the perimeter of our house, and the porch, there's also cameras in our living room and at the top of our stairs that capture the bedroom doors.

I muted all notifications for entrance and exit to our house. I never look at the messages.

When we got home from Lima, and the house smelled like bleach, the mattress was new, and our sheets were brand new, something told me to look at the cameras.

She'd had two people over, and one stayed a little too long.

He'd climbed the stairs to our bedrooms, and he didn't leave for two hours.

I never saw him take his clothes off, but I saw my wife walking around in a tank top, and the marks were covering her body.

I tried to feel something, but all I felt was numb.

It was then that I started pulling away.

She'd always been a cheater.

I always expected it on some level.

I vowed that if I saw him in our house again, I'd confront her.

It was stupid, but the kids needed me. She'd forgiven me after the drugs, the least I could do was forgive her one slip-up.

I loved her which had to be enough to conquer all.

If the cameras hadn't given her away, Quinn's actions did.

The first two weeks of September, was the last of Quinn's break, and each day I woke up to breakfast in bed, random foot rubs, and not even a little bickering.

"I got a call from Britt the other day." I said while she painted my toenails.

"Oh yeah, how is she?"

It was a first, not once bad. Q asked after Britt, but she wouldn't complain.

A part of me wanted to put her out of misery, but there was a new scar on her back that made me feel rage.

What was she into?

"Hey Love?"

"Yes?" She looked up at me as she knelt at my feet.

"With me you're a top, right? A Domme, so to speak, right?"

She wrinkled her brow but smirked and nodded. "Yes."

"What about with guys? Like with me, I'm a total bottom with girls but I'm a major top with guys. Are you like that?"

She capped the nail polish, then looked at me sideways.

"Where's this coming from?"

"I've fucked Puck, Finn, and Sam. They were all bottoms. Was it like that for you?"

"San, what is this about?"

"You read my sex journal, so I think it's fair that you share your stuff too."

"I guess it depends on the guy, the guys in high school were bottoms to every Cheerio."

"Fair."

"Biff is a top and I submitted to him, until he got cocky."

"And the professor?"

"I felt trapped so, I submitted to him. I have the scars to prove it."

I nearly bit through my lip to hold back how she had a new one to add to her collection.

"You've submitted to me. Maybe you're a switch."

"Probably."

"Do you love me, Q?"

She was confused again.

"Yes! I love you."

"Good."

Med School-Year 2

NOVEMBER

The week of Thanksgiving is when I got my wife back.

There were no more guilty looks, just Quinn being the woman I married instead of a zombie.

She had required rotations now but got lucky and had a break for the week. She was making it count.

Quinn was jovial, present, and supermom, insisting that I get my nails done and a massage.

I felt nervous leaving her with our kiddos, but she pushed me out the door, insisting that she had things under control.

Thankfully, Beth had a phone and was giving me updates.

Frannie had come by, as had Mercedes.

There was baking now.

Knowing Quinn had help in the kitchen made me relax.

Instead of a manicure or massage, I went to the studio space that Sam was using to start his own company.

Now that Mercedes had dumped her superstar Quarterback after he had knocked up two other women, she was happily dating Sam.

He'd become my only other friend in L.A., pushing me to record music even when I was in a shitty mood.

When I stepped into Trouty Productions, he was sitting at the soundboard with his guitar and a notepad.

"Hey, Trouty." I said as I dropped into the chair next to him.

"Hey yourself."

"Got any songs for me?"

"Not being a supermom?"

"Nope, Quinn is on duty."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"You'll see it tomorrow when you come over for Thanksgiving. Quinn is pulling out all the stops, family and friends are all invited."

"Nice, beats the takeout I was planning on."

"So, any new music come in?"

He bit his lip and then put down his guitar.

"I need to tell you something, and for both of our sake, keep it to yourself."

"I don't lie to my wife, Sam. I made that promise in rehab, and I've kept it."

"Even the little white lies?"

"I don't keep BIG things from her."

"Like she does with you?"

"Stop it. Just tell me, is this big?"

"Yes, but when I tell you, trust me, you won't want to say anything."

"Tell me."

"Brittany's coming to L.A."

"So what?"

"Like she is moving here. She's transferring to USC."

"You're kidding, why?"

"I don't know if that gunshot activated some part of her brain that was broken before but apparently, she's got the opportunity to get her master's and Ph.D. at the same time."

"Fuck. Quinn doesn't even like to hear her name…is she hanging around at all?"

"No. She won't be here until after Christmas."

"If you talk to her, tell her to steer clear. Quinn is already at peak stress, and I don't want to make it worse."

"You've got it. In better news, you're going to be a Titi."

"What? My God, Sam, you're going to give me a heart attack. I just saw you three days ago, when did all of this happen?"

"I'm surprised Mercy hasn't spilled the beans. We eloped in June, and now she's entering her second trimester. Act surprised."

"I don't have to act, this is nuts. Congratulations, Pops!"

"Will you help me record something special for Mercy?"

"As if you need to ask."

After Thanksgiving dinner, Sam and I went to my home studio.

He'd been the only person that I told about what I'd seen in the cameras since my wife had also cheated on him when they were together.

I'd been doing my best to be normal, but with him, I was allowed to break.

"How do you really feel about Britt coming?"

"Terrified. Britt warned me that Q would do this. She begged me not to be with Quinn. I feel like a an idiot."

"You're still here though."

"There's been no sign of him, Sam. I check the cameras everyday, he's gone."

"Are you sure?"

"We have kids. We have a home. A life. I can't just leave her."

"Take the kids then."

"You don't get it, I don't want anyone else."

"Then you need to stop checking those cameras, because it doesn't matter that she's cheating."

"Maybe it was just a slip-up. I did it…back when I was on drugs…I fucked someone else just to score, and she forgave me."

Sam froze, then looked at me hard, and I thought about it.

"You don't think…she seems pretty sober."

"You said she slipped up before."

"Shit, she said someone at school gave them to her."

"If she's working with this guy, then maybe he doesn't have to come back here."

"You don't think they're screwing around on hospital property, do you?"

"Would that make you leave her?"

"If you had asked me if I'd ever put up with my wife cheating on me, I'd say hell no, but now I'm not sure."

There was a knock on the door, and I couldn't help my smile when Quinn walked in, wearing one of her sundresses, with a soft smile on her face.

"Sam, can you give us a minute?"

He nodded and then squeezed my shoulder before leaving us alone.

Quinn sat in the chair that Sam vacated, and I pulled it closer.

"What's up, Q?"

"So, I need to be honest with you about something. I wanted to keep it to myself, but I feel like you may already suspect."

I sucked in a breath and tried to hold back tears.

She brushed her thumb over my cheek, leaned closer and pressed a kiss to my lips before pulling back. "He meant nothing."

"Past tense?"

"So you did figure it out?"

I rolled my eyes. "Q, you bought a new mattress and new sheets, and you have a history."

"It was a mistake, and it won't happen again."

I nodded. "Why now? I'm sure you thought I figured it out weeks ago, why today?"

"We were cooking and talking about what we were grateful for, and the person I was most grateful for was you. I couldn't keep this in. I needed you to know, that you are the only person who has my heart."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You're it for me."

"I won't take this as well if it happens again, Q."

"Say less."

Med School-Year 2

JANUARY

It takes until Quinn's birthday for Brittany to pop up in our lives.

I'd convinced Q to take a weekend trip to Napa with me since she had a break in rotations, and surprisingly, she agreed.

We'd dropped the kids off with Mercy and Sam to get them ready for parenthood and were about to lock up the house when there was a knock on our door.

"San, can you get the door, I need to make sure the back door is locked."

"Sure, babe."

I had just finished putting our bags by the door and was pulling it open when Quinn made her way back.

"The fuck?" Q said, freezing in the middle of the living room.

I was speechless.

Had she gotten taller, or had it just been that long?

"Hi, Ladies!"

"B…how…why…how?" I stuttered out.

"Good to know I can still make you speechless, S." She grinned before pulling me into a bear hug, lifting me off the ground.

"Get out of my house." Quinn said with all the force of a tsunami.

"Whoa, are we still on this? That's ancient history." Britt said, rubbing at the scar on her forehead.

"Let me go, B." I squeaked, and finally, she put me down. "You should have called."

"I don't have your numbers, it's a miracle that I got your address. I just wanted to clear the air. I'm here now and I didn't want Quinn to think I was a threat."

"Okay, she heard you. Tell Sam to give you my number, maybe we can set up time somewhere neutral to talk…but you can't be here. Okay?"

"Sure thing. See you! Oh, and happy birthday, Quinnie." She said, grinning at me and Q before heading down our front steps.

I closed the door and turned to my wife, but my head snapped to the side as she slapped me.

"You knew she was here and didn't tell me?! Is that why you were trying to get me out of town in a hurry?"

I stepped back, not wanting to engage with her fury.

"No. I found out she'd be moving here a while back, but I didn't think she'd be brazen enough to come to our house."

"How far back is a while?" She asked, stepping closer to me.

"Thanksgiving week. I thi-" I began to say as she lifted her hand to slap me again, but I caught her wrist.

"Nearly three months ago?"

"I'm sorry."

"Let me go!"

"Only if you keep your hands to yourself. I will not go back to being anyone's punching bag. Not hers, and certainly not yours."

All the anger left her, and she wrapped her arms around herself, her face flushing red. "I thought…I thought I was past it."

"I'm sorry, my love." I held my arms out, wanting her to step into them but she turned from me instead.

"I don't feel like going to Napa. I have a psych rotation next week…I cannot be stressed beforehand…I need…fuck."

I knew better than to touch her when she was like this. "If not Napa, maybe we grab the kids and go to Venice or something…just for the weekend…or even Malibu."

"Yeah…okay. I'm going to call Maribel, okay. Can you just give me some space?"

"Okay, sure. I can do that."

"Great."

By the time I have the kids together, and a house secured, Quinn has changed her mind.

"Would you mind if I stayed with Darlene tonight? A few of the other kids want to take me out for my birthday. If we go drinking, I don't want to drive."

"You don't want me to come with you?"

"I know that clubs are too much of a trigger for you, San. Don't worry, tomorrow when I get back, we can go to the beach for the day. I just need to unwind with people I trust."

The words hit me in the gut.

Did she not trust me because I hadn't mentioned this?

Nearly two years in L.A., and I couldn't think of a time where we weren't fighting, and now B was coming to fuck things even more.

"Fine, go." I said, not bothering to say more to her.

It was obvious that the kids and I didn't fit in her life anymore.

When I'd been in Lima back in August, Mami had asked me if I was prepared to raise my family alone, and I balked at her question.

She was married to a doctor and had only one kid while having her own practice as well.

I should have taken her advice to start planning my life as me and the kids, with a guest star, rather than depending on Quinn.

Even Mami had seen the change in her and told me that they barely spoke any longer.

Quinn told her that she was seeing a new therapist in L.A.

A lie.

When would she find the time?

Instead of shrinking away and letting her be pissed at me, now I was pissed at her.

This wasn't my fault.

I didn't make Britt show up, and to top it off, since when did we hit each other?

Med School-Year 2

MAY

"You should get that checked out."

It was like the moment Britt was in my vicinity, I saw her everywhere.

She'd finally gotten custody of her sister, and they were living closer to the beach.

Court was a great surfer and had offered to teach Beth.

With Quinn busier than ever, she now planned to spend her week off in bed at home. She had one rotation left, so I'd taken the kids to the Santa Monica Pier for Spring Break like she'd promised we'd do. Ironically, we were staying in a house down the street from Britt, not that I told Quinn.

I'd gotten to the point where I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission.

Besides, Mercedes and Sam were along for the trip, so even if Quinn showed up, she couldn't put the full blame on me.

I'd been sitting in a little tent, eating a popsicle with Gabe, who was just as content to sit by my side instead of getting in the water, when Britt plopped down on my other side.

"What?"

She softly touched the side of my boob. "You have a lump. This wasn't here before."

I froze and put my fingers where hers had been, and sure enough, there was a jellybean-sized lump.

"How did you even see that?" I didn't feel any pain thankfully, but my brother had died of Cancer, in my family we didn't play when it came to lumps.

"I know your body, Santana, I could never forget it."

"Mami, more?" Gabe asked as he handed me his empty plastic stick.

"No more, Babe."

"I mad!" He said, standing up just to stomp his foot at me.

"Gotta love the terrible twos." I muttered before standing up and lifting him straight into the air before bringing him down.

He giggled and screamed. "Again!"

"May I?" Britt asked, and I hesitated. Even if Quinn was being a total douche, this crossed way too many lines.

"Again, Mami!" Gabe demanded. I repeated the lift, making a rocket sound, and he shrieked.

"Sorry, B. It's one thing for you to hang out with me, but Quinn will lose her mind if I let you touch him."

"Understandable. Sucks, but I get it. Just promise me you'll get that checked out, okay?"

"Yeah, I promise."

She held out her pinky and I took it, squeezing it before she left me and Gabe to our game.

Long after the kids were asleep, I sat in bed looking up symptoms of breast cancer.

If I hadn't been awake, I wouldn't have heard the small knock on the door.

It was past midnight, but obviously, I wasn't the only one awake.

When I stepped onto the porch, the last person I expected to see was Quinn, but there she was with tears in her eyes.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, opening my arms to her, and she pulled me into a tight hug.

"I was at home in a dark house, I just wanted to be with you and the kids. It's my break and I miss my family."

She smelled faintly of cologne and alcohol underneath the strong smell of antiseptic.

"Did you go out after work?"

"Yeah, we had a mixer, I didn't drink. Can I come in?"

I let her into the house, hoping to God that I was just seeing things.

We hadn't fucked in a week, but she had a little hickey just behind her ear.

Blink, and you miss it, but just like Britt knew my body, I knew Quinn's.

First the affair, then she'd hit me, and now she was showing up drunk with a fresh hickey on her body.

She'd been so worried about becoming her mother, but I was pretty sure she was more like Russell.

If that was the case, things could get really ugly if I let them.

Quinn was cycling through a spiral, and I could see it clearer at night than at any other time of day.

L.A. was just as bad for her as it was for me.

This place was cursed.

We finally had Quinn's attention for the week, so I pushed all the bullshit to the side.

Brittany made herself scarce, and I faked an orgasm for the first time.

She felt different, and it turned me off.

I cried myself to sleep every night that week, and she had zero clue.

Med School-Year 2

JUNE

It took a month to get a mammogram scheduled and just one appointment for them to decide on a biopsy.

In that time, I vowed to talk to Quinn about it, but she had pulled away from me.

The more I saw Britt, the less I saw my wife.

But I wanted to fix things.

She was halfway through med school, it was time to start looking at what came next for us, that is if I didn't have an illness waiting to take me down.

The last people I wanted to worry about my health, were my parents, so nearly two years after we had the talk about her not agreeing with my move, I called Rachel.

"Hey stranger!"

"Hi."

"We haven't talked more than twice this past year, and all you can say is hi?"

I'd just dropped Beth off at the airport, my son was in daycare, and my wife was working.

This was the best time to have this conversation and the best time to break down.

"I need you, Rachel. I can't talk to anyone about this, but I'm freaking the fuck out."

"What is it?"

"Q and I are not in a good place, or I would go to her about this. If I tell Mercedes or Sam, they'll tell her."

"Then tell me, I won't say anything, I give you my word."

"I have to get a biopsy. I don't want to go alone, and I know I'm far, but I need you."

"When's the appointment?"

"Tomorrow, there was a cancellation, and I was able to get the time slot."

"I'll be there."

"Are you sure? I know you have six shows a week."

"I don't care, I'm booking a ticket. Can I stay with you? Will Quinn get curious?"

"She's barely home, and as long as you're not Brittany, she won't care."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"You won't like the look of her either, she's like a zombie most days."

"You definitely need me."

"I do."

"I'll send you my flight information, I need to get home and pack a bag. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Thank you. I owe you so much for this."

"I promised I was a phone call away, and I meant it. See you soon."

"Bye."

The relief hit me like a train, and I broke down in the airport parking lot.

How was I here?

I was married, but I never felt so alone.

Benign.

It was never more beautiful a word.

Rachel was a bright spot in our house, and having her there brought some life back to my wife.

For the four days that Rachel stayed, Quinn didn't work late nights.

We hung out, and for that little piece of time, I had my wife back.

"I missed you." Q said to Rachel.

"I missed you both immensely. Do you think you'll come back east when you're finished school?"

Quinn always skirted this question when anyone asked, but for Rachel, she seemed to find an answer.

"Actually, yes, I'm hoping to end up back in Philly, but I have to match there. I'm kind of throwing all my eggs in one basket…I'm only applying on the east coast."

I was thrilled about it, but I was annoyed that it took Rachel coming to our home for Quinn to enlighten me on our future.

This was not a marriage.

I wasn't sure I recognized who she was any longer.

What the hell happened to us?

Med School-Year 3

SEPTEMBER

By the beginning of Q's third year of med school, I was sure that I wasn't the only person she was fucking, and I didn't even care.

It was obvious to me at that point that, as long as we were in L.A., we'd never be who we were before.

There was still hope in my heart that we would get back to the east coast, and this foolishness would end.

At least there weren't any surprise guests on our cameras.

More than Q's infidelity, was the terror that was happening in my body.

I'd just had a second scare after another lump discovery on my other boob.

This time around, I knew what to expect so I didn't call anyone, instead I got the biopsy, and was ready to rejoice when it was benign, but it wasn't.

Not this time, but we'd caught it early.

No intense radiation, a round of chemo, and then they'd remove the rest of it.

I was terrified, especially when my doctor urged me to tell my support system.

But I didn't have one.

It'd been nearly three years since I'd been to a meeting.

My parents were traveling the fucking globe, Mercedes and Sam had their hands full with the twins, and Quinn was even busier.

When we got back from India, we spent one day in Lima with my parents for Anthony before we headed back to L.A., and they flew to Guam.

Quinn spent the rest of her break in bed sick, so I had to take care of her and Gabe.

We got three days at the beach before she was back in doing her rotations.

Beth was doing after-school activities now, and Gabe was in legit preschool, all I had was time.

So, while they were all at school, I ignored my health issues and marital woes, throwing my everything into an album.

And when Britt started hanging around the studio, I knew it was only a matter of time before she sunk her claws into Sam.

They were flirting right in front of me, so I kicked them both out while I recorded.

I was feeling more isolated, even though I was more surrounded than ever, so I put it in my music.

Other than my kids, my music was the only thing that sustained me.

It wasn't enough.

"Hey, give me one second, okay? Don't hang up." Britt said before she finished her conversation. After a minute or two, she was back. "I was giving a lecture, I had to step away, what's up?"

"Shit, B, that's important. Don't let me take you away from work. I can talk later."

"No, Santana. You called me in the middle of the day, knowing I'm either teaching or in class, which is why you never call me. If you are calling then you need me. So, rather than you pretending you're fine, tell me where to meet you."

"I'm in Culver City, can we meet at the coffee shop you like?"

"See you in 30 minutes."

"Thanks, B."

Before I put the car in drive, I got a text.

Hey love, class ended early. Want to have lunch?-Q

I'm not home. Will you still be there for school pick-up?-San

Yes. Having a night in, Beth's play is tonight. I made sure to clear my schedule!-Q

I was, honestly, floored that she remembered.

Beth had stopped asking if Quinn was showing up, sadly she had learned to not get her hopes up when it came to her Mama.

I could tell just from her messages that Quinn was in a good mood. I wouldn't ruin it by telling her where I was headed.

Great, I should be home in an hour. I love you!-San

Are you far? Should I get Gabriel?-Q

If you're up for it, I'm sure he'd love to see you!-San

Done. I'll pick him up, don't rush home. Be safe! I love you, too. Xoxo!-Q

By the time Britt got to the coffee shop, I'd already had two cups of coffee and was nibbling a cookie.

"Is that all you've eaten today?"

"You're better as an ex-wife than you ever were when we were married."

She sighed as she sat across from me. "We shouldn't have gotten married. I went crazy, you got addicted. We got married in a stupid barn and didn't even walk down the aisle with our dads. It's like stuff of bad fanfiction."

"I couldn't agree more."

"You've been crying, and from the soggy look of that cookie, you've been trying to eat it for a while."

"I have cancer." I said cold. "Stage 1. We caught it early."

"Wait, you had the lump I found removed…is this a new lump?" Britt was tearing up but took a deep breath. "This time you'll tell Quinn, right?"

"I think I have to. I have to do chemo, just one round before surgery."

"This is so unfair. You've been through enough."

"You caught this, I am so grateful for you, B."

"You can thank me by telling your wife. She needs to know."

"I'm scared."

"This is Quinn, she loves you, there's no way she zones out when it comes to this."

"She is not OUR Quinn, B. I…I feel like I'm married to an imposter. "

"Then you know how to handle it. I was an imposter at the end, remember?"

"It's impossible to forget."

After talking through my fears, Britt updated me on school and Court.

Time flew by as my anxiety lessened.

We'd always been like this; it's what made us best friends, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized how much I'd missed her.

My phone buzzed, and I knew that too much time had passed.

Picked up Gabriel. Are you on your way? Can you pick up flowers for Beth? Showtime is in an hour. See you soon, love!-Q

"Crap, I'm so late!"

"Well come on then."

Britt pulled me into a tight hug and then kissed my forehead before heading to her car.

I was in such a rush that I gave no thought to her lipstick or the way her hair sheds constantly.

I'd stopped and got flowers before heading straight to Beth's school.

Quinn was already seated without our son.

"Where's Gabe?" I asked after handing her the flowers.

She raised her eyebrow and pointed to the stage.

The kids were gushing over Beth's little brother.

"Where were you?"

"The studio."

"With her?"

"What?"

I was sitting now. Feeling winded and tired. Quinn took a picture of me and turned the phone around. I looked as tired as I felt, but there was lipstick on my face.

"Very few women are tall enough to kiss you there, and I don't wear pink lipstick."

"We had coffee."

"In Culver City, I know, I checked your location."

"Oh."

"Are you fucking her, is that why you look like shit?"

At that moment Beth was at our seats with Gabe.

"Please don't fight. You'll embarrass me." Beth said, and Q whipped around in shock.

"Sweets, I'm sorry."

"Take him, I gotta get ready." Beth was glaring at Quinn now.

"I got you flowers, Kiddo." I nodded to the flowers Q had put to the side so she could grab Gabe.

"Thanks, Mami." She said happily before taking the flowers and storming off.

"You turned her against me." Q muttered as she settled Gabe on her lap.

He was reaching for me, but I pretended not to see him.

"You did that all by yourself. I am not fighting with you here, Q. Put a pin in it, or I'm changing seats."

"Fine."

"You don't think it's ironic, that you're the one fucking around and I'm the one getting accused?"

Her jaw popped open in shock. "Are you serious right now?"

"Dead serious."

She was angry, and snapped at Gabe a moment later when he tried to squirm out of her arms.

"Seriously, Gabriel? You're turning on me, too." She muttered.

"Mami, Mami, Mami!" He whined, so I took him from Quinn, and he immediately settled against me.

Q got up and moved to a seat closer to the stage.

It was then that I decided to keep the cancer to myself unless it progressed.

Med School-Year 3

OCTOBER

"Are you sure about this, San?"

"You owe this to me, Brittany. It's three days."

"Of treatment, you don't know how sick it will make you."

"What are you telling Quinn about where you are?"

"She's not in rotation this week, Judy is here and convinced her to go to Sacramento to visit Fran. Told her I was going to a music retreat."

"She's off work? Santana, you need to tell her."

As much as I wanted to explain to B, that the last thing I wanted to do was see Quinn, when I was feeling so low because she'd been having an affair, I didn't want to hear how smug she'd be.

I still felt the need to protect my wife, and I hated myself for it.

"No. If you don't want to help me, I'll figure it out."

"If I don't help you, will you just do this alone?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Just three days, but I promise you that if you are deathly sick, I'll tell her myself."

"Yeah, yeah."

Britt had been right. After one day in the hospital getting pumped with three bags, I was throwing up all night. They'd given me a two-day pump to complete the round, and I was so violently sick they admitted me to complete it.

"What's Quinn's number?" Britt asked from the cot by my hospital bed.

"No."

"San, I'm scared. This is how it started with my mom."

I'd forgotten about Whitney.

How shitty of me.

"I'm sorry."

"If not Quinn, let me tell Rachel."

"No one but you. You made vows."

"We're divorced."

"A promise is a promise, no matter how small."

"Fine. Just know that I can't do this again. I can't watch you die."

"Say less."

"Surprise!" I'd come home after five days, still sick, and had forgotten my damn birthday.

Apparently, even B had forgotten.

Everyone who wasn't B was crammed into our house to surprise me.

When I saw my parents, I burst into tears.

I knew I looked sick, but I played it off as a minor head cold and gave my best performance.

Once she saw the state I was in, Quinn was by my side, keeping me in the moment.

I'd unwrapped gifts, mingled, and played a few silly games that Beth had picked out.

An hour into the party, I was drooping, "Had enough?" Q whispered to me.

"God, yes."

She nodded and then led me to the bottom of the steps.

"I think San needs rest, thank you for coming! Finish the food, I'm taking her to bed."

Quinn had her arm around me as we climbed the stairs while I rested against her.

"This is more than a head cold, San."

"Just want sleep. Can I? You'll do bath time, right? Just for tonight?"

"I'm going to trade rotations; I'll stay with you until you're better."

"You don't have to."

"I love you, Santana. I know it's been a hard few years, but I love you and our kids. I want to take care of you, please let me."

"Okay." I was too weak to argue. For the first time in years, I submitted fully to her because I didn't have much choice.

It took seeing me at my worst to finally get through to her.

She'd been a terrible wife these past few years, and she was seeing it, at last.