Chapter 64: Ivy (Frank Ocean)
Santana's POV
Med School-Year 4
OCTOBER
I left my doctor's office in Beverly Hills feeling overwhelmed with joy, and there was only one person I wanted to tell.
"Hey, San, how'd the appointment go?"
Britt's voice was full of fake joy, but I could still tell she'd been crying.
Even though we'd fallen back into our friendship easily, Britt had been careful about showing too much emotion around me.
She had a wall up around her heart to keep her from overstepping.
But I'd caught her unaware.
"What's wrong, B."
"I just had a long day."
"You lectured at UCLA today, did you see Q?"
"Yes and yes. She looks so normal in scrubs. I'm used to her prissy dresses."
"Yeah." I trailed off. "Was he there?"
"I told you, he's in her class. Of course he was there."
"Did they sit together?"
"No. That little coward sat in the back and snuck out of the room the moment the lecture was over."
"Could I take him?"
Finally, she laughed, breaking the tension. "Cheerio Santana could totally kick his ass."
"Gotta get back to that kind of shape."
"Mmm, I think you look pretty great. I need to get back in shape too. I miss dancing. I've never felt so blobby."
"You're not blobby. You ride that beach bike everyday."
"You paid a lot for it, I gotta get your money's worth. So, tell me about the appointment."
"I'm in full remission."
"Shit, how does it feel?"
"Amazing. Like a blessing."
"Best birthday gift ever, huh?"
"God, yes. This time last year, you were taking care of me through chemo, and helping me plan how I'd sneak away to have the tumor removed."
"Congratulations, Babe." There was a shake in her voice again. "I'm happy I could be there with you through this."
"Where are you right now, B?"
"In my office."
"Wait, you're here?"
"Um, are you here? Your appointment was this afternoon."
"It got pushed back. Can I come up?"
"Yeah. I'll meet you in the lobby."
I headed back inside, surprised at how quickly B was walking towards me.
Her face was red, and her makeup was smudged.
She held out her hand, and I took it, letting her lead me towards the seclusion of her office.
Once we were inside her tiny office, packed with books but also small little touches of who she used to be. Little ducks, her drumsticks, and a picture of us on our wedding day.
Quinn would freak out, but I thought it was kind of sweet.
Once her door was closed, she pulled me into her arms and held me.
When I hugged her, rubbing her back and rocking her, she broke against me.
It broke my heart.
She always knew when to pull away, knowing that I'd hold her even if my arms shook.
She rubbed the scar on her head and then sat behind her desk.
I sat in one of her meeting chairs and smirked.
"Whenever I sit here, I think of Sue hauling us in her office over stupid shit."
"You know that Sue thinks it's funny that I'm the one behind a desk. I guess it's because I'm the dumb one."
"Nah, I always knew you were a genius, B. This makes complete sense."
"Only to you, even I'm surprised."
"M.I.T. believed in you too."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Talk to me, B."
"Other than asking me how I knew the guy, you've kept me in the dark about her screwing him. Why?"
"Because I don't need your judgment, Britt."
"Sam told me to stay out of this, but I can't stand by and watch her hurt you."
"Watch her? What do you know?"
"This is supposed to be a happy day, I don't want to ruin it."
"You're pretty much all that makes me happy these days, other than my amazing kids, of course. Other than the three of you, I don't have anyone else that makes me smile."
"You don't see the problem with that, San? You have a whole wife. Do you think she's deeper in this than we thought?"
"He pissed on her." I blurted it out, and she slapped her desk, too stunned for words. Her jaw was half open as she shook her head.
"President of the celibacy club, too prudish to change in front of the other Cheerios, Quinn Fabray? Why? How?"
"To claim her, that's my guess."
"You won't be surprised if you see bruises later, then? Is he like me back before…" Britt put a finger gun to her head, and I felt nauseous at the memory of what she'd done.
"The way she tells it, he's hurting her. She doesn't like it but she does it anyway."
"You know why, of course."
"No."
"Sam already told you his opinion back on Thanksgiving. He told me how you talked about her doing this for drugs. Sam was definitely right, that guy is totally Quinn's dealer."
The truth punched me in the face. I didn't want to believe it, but it made sense.
"We need to get out of this fucking city."
"She says it's been 9 months since the last time. How's she been?"
"Sober, no new marks, and she's coming home more often."
"Well, today…she…it's like I could see it hanging off her."
"Was she high?"
"She looked normal, but her speech was off. She took forever to respond. I watched her during the lecture, she kept zoning out."
"Why today?"
"She said she got hurt, and I told her to get actual medical attention instead of what she's doing. She'll get kicked out of med school, and won't be able to take her boards if they find out. I'm tempted to report her. I already filled out the complaint, but then you called me."
"I don't know what to do."
"Leave her."
"Beth needs me. She's been…I caught her hurting herself on purpose."
"What?! Did you tell, Q? Isn't Beth like 10?"
"Yeah, she thought if she was hurt then Q would pay attention to her. I have her in therapy, and I've been giving her extra attention."
"I'm so sorry, San."
"Me too. We shouldn't have come here."
"You didn't tell me not to."
"What?"
"You didn't tell me to not submit the complaint."
"I won't tell you what to do. What I will tell you is that, she's not thinking straight. Nothing you do will make her see reason. It has to be me, B."
"You're going to report her?"
"Yes, if she doesn't take time off after med school, I'm tanking her career."
"She doesn't graduate for another 8 months."
"I know. She can't actually treat anyone yet, right?"
"Right.
"So, what's the point?"
"I hate this."
"Not more than I do."
My phone buzzed.
Headed home. Hurt my back. They took me off rotation.-Q
I chuckled and showed B my phone.
"This was the only rotation other than pediatrics that she was looking forward to."
"The universe likes a balance."
"I'm going to head home before she can find drugs to numb herself."
"Good luck with that. Seriously."
"Thanks."
"Oh, and San?"
"Yeah?"
"You're in remission. Soak that in, don't let her steal your joy. Promise me." She said, holding out her pinky, which I happily squeezed back.
When I got home, I expected her to be zoned out or locked in our room.
I didn't expect Q to be lying on our sofa, cuddling with the kids.
"Mami!" Gabe jumped down from the couch and ran to me.
I stooped down and opened my arms.
"Hey little man!"
Once Gabe was in my arms, I felt a spark of joy return.
"Mama's home." He said, pointing at Quinn.
"I see her."
"We ate pizza. See!" He said, pointing to the box on the dining room table.
I kissed his face and then put him back on the couch.
I leaned over and kissed Beth's cheek and then dropped a kiss on Quinn's lips.
She smelled like hospital soap, but there were no blown pupils or new marks that I could see.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better. I just need to take it easy for a few days."
"Sorry you're missing rotation."
"It's okay, I have the best hang out buddies, what could be better?"
"I can think of a few things."
"Mami, shush, we are watching a movie!" Beth hissed.
"Right, I'll just go have ice cream by myself."
"Wait!" Beth called after me as I walked away.
"Too late, you hurt my feelings."
"Say sorry, Beth!" Gabe snapped at her. "We need ice cream."
He was my kid through and through.
"How about we pause this and have ice cream with Mami." Q said, groaning as she sat up.
"Stay there, Beth will help me serve you."
"I will?"
"You will." I raised my eyebrow, and she got off the couch and followed me to the kitchen. "Mijo, make sure Mama doesn't move." I said to Gabe.
"Okay. Mama, stay!"
For the first time in forever, we had chill family time.
Beth looked so happy, and Quinn seemed to be taking it all in with remorse in her eyes.
She'd missed so much time that she'd never get back.
There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I needed to feel the happiness of the moment. The kids deserved my attention. That had always been a priority for me.
From the moment I got home to bath and bedtime, they had my focus.
And when they were tucked away in their rooms, I prayed for their restful sleep before heading toward whatever tale Quinn was going to tell.
But she surprised me.
Quinn sat naked on our bed, not bothering to cover up the near-purple bruises on her hips.
When she looked at me, she had tears in her eyes and a soft smile.
"I fucking threw our marriage and family away, I can't keep lying to you."
"Tell me what happened."
I was standing by the door, refusing to step closer to her.
"I fell. I shifted something. Instead of going to the ER, I went to him."
"You traded sex for drugs, instead of going to the ER."
"Yes."
"What else?"
"He made me…he made me say I was his."
"You're obviously his, because you're surely not mine." I snapped back, tired of this rollercoaster ride.
"I'm yours."
"Those bruises say otherwise. Were you at least safe?"
"No." She admitted, and I wanted to put my fist through a wall.
"I talked Britt down from reporting you to the medical board."
"You…she told you this already?"
"She's a wreck over it."
"I thought she'd be happy I'm fucking up."
"Well she's not."
"How'd you talk her down?"
"I told her what I'm telling you, if you don't cut ties with him, don't take a year off before residency, then I'm going to report you myself."
"What?!"
"You cut him off for 9 months, and you have 8 months left. End it now, or I'm taking our kids and I'm reporting you."
"You want me to delay residency?"
"Yes, you need rehab or therapy, something to keep you from doing this shit again."
"If I agree to that, will you still leave?"
"My album is releasing in the Spring, I have to be here until then."
"Please don't leave me."
"How much more clear could I be? I'm still here."
"I'll cut ties with him. What if…can I do my intern year in Lima? I don't want to miss time, your dad already said I could work for him."
"You'd subject yourself to my father's oversight?"
"He already knows I've been struggling with this. There's no hiding from him."
"If you get him to agree then you can do your intern year in Lima, but only if you go to therapy, and stay clean."
"I'll do whatever you want, Santana, anything."
"Ask me about my day, Fabray."
"Still a Lopez."
"In name only. Ask me."
"How was your day, my love?
"I'm in remission."
Her smile was wide as she stood up, and then I saw the bruises.
The bruises wrapped around her hips. They were nearly black.
"What is it?" She said, looking down at herself.
I held my hand out to her and waited as she limped slowly to me.
She squeezed my hand tighter as I pulled her to stand in front of the mirror. I stood behind her as she looked at herself, with her tears falling.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop it. I need you to look at what he did to you."
She looked at where my fingers were, lightly grazing the bruises.
"What example do you want to set for Beth?"
Her eyes went wide, and her chin wobbled.
"Not this. I'd tell her to run. I…I wouldn't want her to ever go through this."
"I need to tell you something. You're going to be mad."
"What?" She sounded terrified.
"She hurt herself on purpose so you'd pay attention to her."
"No." She said, her face red with anger. "She's 10."
"She holds in her hurt, like you. If you're not respecting yourself, your body, how can she learn to do the same."
"Oh God."
"You may not want to miss residency, but trust me when I say the alternative is missing time with Beth and Gabe."
"I'll take a break."
"And?"
"No more of him."
"Good."
"I'm sorry I ruined your good news."
"Nothing could ruin it. Let's go shower, I'm sure you feel gross."
"I do."
"Hey San, it's late is everything okay?"
Quinn didn't want to call Britt, but it seemed she had a bigger bat to swing than this dude.
"Q needs to ask you something?"
"Now?!"
"Hi, B." Q mumbled.
"Hi. I fell asleep on the couch, can you give me a second?"
"You should read in bed that way you won't wake up hurting, when will you learn?" I scolded.
"Hush, " she muttered before shuffling a bit. Sam, go home to your kids. It's late, and I need to take this call."
There was grumbling from Sam and then a door closing.
Then B was humming and talking to herself.
"B?"
"Shit, sorry, I got 's up?"
"I need them to put me on a different rotation than him. I need Dr. Brooks to check in on where he's getting these drugs from."
"Without it tracing back to you?"
"I don't want them to make it worse. I'm already the one everyone hates."
"That's not new for you." B said, and she wasn't wrong. Me and Q always had haters.
"I told Santana about today."
Britt gasped, "If this will help you be better, then I will help you. I hate that guy, this will be fun."
"Be professional." I cautioned.
"Don't worry, I know how to play the game. Will you be there tomorrow, Quinn?"
"I got medical attention as you suggested. I'm off rotation for the week. I'll need to see a specialist before I can go back. So, I'll be home until I get cleared."
"Good. I'm proud of you. Take care of each other. I'm gonna go."
"Slaap lekker, B." I whispered in Dutch, and I could feel her smile through the phone."
"Slaap lekker."
When I looked at Quinn, she was staring back at me.
"I love you." She whispered.
"I know."
There was pain in her eyes, but she didn't complain.
She had no right.
Quinn's POV
Med School-Year 4
NOVEMBER
Not only was I not allowed to go right back to rotation, I had to have a minor surgery to remove scar tissue.
One week post-op, and I was stir-crazy.
I would need a month of using a walker and daily PT to be fully mobile again; the alternative was giving in to being in a wheelchair full time.
I chose the walker.
Santana had cleared her home studio and made me a bedroom on the first floor.
Each night, she'd take the kids upstairs, and I wouldn't see them until morning.
I hated it so much.
It took a week for me to brave the stairs I only made it up one step before I dropped to my knees with a groan.
It didn't take long for San to find me.
"Q?" I looked up, and there stood my wife. I could see the skimpy panties she had on beneath her robe.
"I missed you."
"You set off the alarm on my app. I thought someone broke in."
"So, you were gonna seduce them?"
"Funny. I saw you on camera."
She came down the steps and helped me to my feet.
"Stay with me tonight."
"The point of a trial separation is that we sleep separately. Dr. York said that this was a good opportunity to figure out if we want to continue in this marriage, without disrupting the kids."
"I know what she said, Santana, but this isn't helping me. I need some hope."
"Hope?" She sighed. "Have you talked to him?"
"No."
"Do you want to?"
"Not even a little."
"Is there anyone else?"
"No."
"Do you need an open marriage?"
"Nope."
"Me either. It's just you."
"Then stay with me."
"Fine, but no wanky stuff."
San slid her hand into mine and supported me as I walked back to my room.
She waited for me to climb into bed, and then she climbed in behind me.
The feel of her arm thrown over my body, felt like coming home.
I sighed contentedly. "I missed you, Princess."
"Its Santana, San, or S. I need you to earn back the right to call me anything else."
"Challenge accepted."
For Thanksgiving, I called in the cavalry, Maribel, Mercedes, Lydia, Vanessa, and Judy, to take over our kitchen.
It was the first year that I wasn't cooking myself, but that was only because I put myself on bed rest.
My wife had issued me a bigger challenge than she realized, which was to essentially earn my way back into the family.
Her only ask was that I spare her the embarrassment of revealing that I'd cheated on her.
I could talk about my relapse, full stop, and I agreed.
"Can I get you anything, Mama?" Beth asked me as I sat on the couch writing name cards for the table.
I'd gotten all the kids roped into making decorations while we watched movies.
"Can you ask Mami for my heating pad, and my medicine?"
Beth looked at her watch.
"Has it been 4 hours?"
I raised my eyebrow. "I took a dose at 7."
"It's only 10." She said that having learned from me and Santana to follow directions when taking medicine, I couldn't be upset.
My tolerance was high, which was making the pills not last like they used to.
Luckily enough, Antonio was around.
"Can you ask Abuelo to come check me out? We can let him decide."
That seemed to calm her worry.
"Okay. I'll get the heating pad first."
"Thank you."
I should have figured that Beth wouldn't just bring Antonio but also Santana and Vanessa.
"Of course you're hurting, that couch is not a bed." Vanessa scolded.
"I didn't want to be alone while everyone was out here." I actually whined.
Santana rolled her eyes.
"Well, Papi agrees it's too soon for another dose, so Tylenol will have to be enough."
Antonio watched us all bicker, then held his hands out.
"I know you don't want it, but you're mainly sitting today. Where is your wheelchair?"
I hung my head in shame, I'd avoided that fucking chair for so long, but after my surgery, Mother made sure I had one close.
"You still have a wheelchair?" Beth gasped.
"It's in the garage." I muttered.
"Great, we can park you at the table, get some over the counter meds in you, a heating pad, and you should be more comfortable." Santana said before taking Vanessa's hand and leading her to the garage.
"Sweets, may you move the crafts to the table please?" I asked Beth, and she grinned, happy to be useful.
Of course, she got the kids involved in the task while Antonio sat next to me.
"I got a call from Dr. Brooks this morning about your intention to intern in Lima. She was hoping you'd stay on at UCLA, and wanted me to deter you from leaving."
"I can't stay here."
"Want to tell me why?"
"Not really."
"Why is that?"
Santana and Vanessa lugged my wheelchair inside, and when San saw me talking to her father, she shook her head.
I wanted to be honest with him, but I was still trying to earn back calling her Princess.
"When I was back from Yale, and got hooked on the pills again, Lima helped me get back to myself."
"You need a reset."
"My whole little family does."
"When I moved to Maribel's, I kept my house. I intended to rent it, but never got around to it. If you want it, it's yours."
Santana was still watching me, so I beckoned her over.
Vanessa shrieked when the half-opened wheelchair ran over her toe.
"Damnit Santana!"
"That's for slapping my ass." She grinned.
"That was 4 years ago!"
"And I never forgot it." She winked.
I was grinning at my wife, and Antonio rolled his eyes.
"Don't encourage bad behavior, Q."
"Santana has a point, Pa."
"See! My wife supports it." San stuck her tongue out, while I was just happy to be called her wife.
"Your amazing father offered us his old house in Lima if I come work for him."
"Is that right, Papi? Did you fix the water heater?"
"I can have a new one installed."
"Did Quinn tell you that no matter what she decides, I want her to take a year off to heal before intern year."
"I support that plan." He said, thankfully not throwing me under the bus for not telling him that fact.
"And you understand that we'd only be in Lima for two years, right?"
"Why only two?" Antonio pouted.
"Papi, I've told you, we miss Philly and it's Quinn's dream to work at CHOP. If she heals up, I want her to still go for it."
"You do?" I was in awe of her."
"Yeah. That's what this was all for, you getting to work there. Right?"
"Well, yes."
"Then that's the plan."
"Okay. We'll take the house then, Pa."
"Fix the water heater, and empty out your junk and then we will take the house." Santana corrected.
Knowing her father would have made her empty it.
"Fine! I'll make it pretty for you." He grumbled.
"You're chair is ready!" Vanessa wheeled it over.
And even though I hated the thing, I didn't complain as my wife got me settled in it, finishing with a kiss on my forehead and then my lips.
For the first time in way too long, she looked me in my eyes like I was the only person that existed. "I love you. Te veo. I see you, Q. I see the effort, and I fucking love you for it!"
Then she kissed me again.
I could almost feel the fabric of our marriage coming back together.
We were definitely figuring our shit out.
SANTANA'S POV
Med School-Year 4
DECEMBER
Celebrating Christmas in the heat feels wrong.
Every year that we've lived in L.A., we have flown to Lima to celebrate, but Quinn was still on her redemption quest, so for the first time in years, we were in New York.
Quinn was back to using a cane after daily PT and oversight from the doctors at UCLA.
Where Q thought they'd shame her, it seemed that showing vulnerability opened her up to compassion.
I wished, not for the first time that she'd told me sooner so I could have encouraged her to open up. Of course, I didn't tell her I felt that way because I still hadn't actually gone into detail about my cancer.
She knew I was sick, that I had gone away to recover, and that I was in remission.
I hadn't shown her my scars, and I definitely hadn't told her my fears of finding something new when I went back in April.
"What's on your mind, S." She said to me as we curled up in my parents' New York apartment long after the kids had gone to bed.
"My first single is done, we are releasing it next month."
"Yeah?"
"Yes."
"Which song is it?"
"It's not one you've heard before."
She looked shocked, "What do you mean?"
"We have lived two separate lives these last few years, Q, there's no telling how much you've missed."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again.
"Will you play it for me?"
"Soon."
"Do I have to earn that honor, too?"
"No, it's a surprise. I want you to hear it at a specific time."
"Oh…it's not a divorce song, right because I don't want a big to do if you're dumping me."
"I'm still here, Q."
"So am I."
"I see you."
"It's good to be seen."
"Cumpleaños feliz, cumpleaños feliz, cumpleaños, cumpleaños, cumpleaños feliz!"
"Yay!" Gabe cheered after we finished singing to him.
Quinn and I pressed kisses to Gabe's cheeks like we always did, and he squealed.
Two kisses from both of us to count his four years, and then Beth came over and kissed his forehead.
"And one for good luck!"
Everyone swooned, and then Q began to cut the cake.
She was so precise, making each slice the same size."
"You're not a surgeon yet, don't be so anal, we want cake!" Papi heckled, and she rolled her eyes.
"Mami what does anal mean?" Beth asked, and I glared at Papi.
"Go ask your Abuelo."
Papi huffed but submitted to his fate, taking Beth to the side.
"That will teach him to watch his mouth." I called after him and received a death glare in return.
"Cuídate." He warned.
"Lo siento, Papi. Cojuelo con calma!"
Every year, I make sure the kids get Quinn a gift. Beth had even taught Gabe how to apply tape when she wrapped it.
Not once since we'd been in L.A. had Quinn made sure they got me anything.
So, as we sat around the tree, I drank my café con leche, enjoying the excitement of the kids opening gifts, not expecting anything.
I was used to it.
Once my parents had given out their gifts, they'd gone out to see a show to give us our family time.
Quinn sat on the floor, handing the kids their gifts. Then, halfway through, she handed each of the kids gifts I hadn't seen before.
Gabe came over first and smiled at me. "Here you go, Mami!"
I looked from him to Q, who winked at me before sipping her coffee.
Gabe waited as I unwrapped a ring box.
"Did you pick this out, Mi'jo?"
"Sí, Mami."
I opened the box and smiled when I saw a bright blue circle.
When I pulled it out, I saw it was a locket. Inside was a picture of me with an arm wrapped around Beth while I held Gabe.
"You like it? It's blue!" Gabe said, and I nodded, pulling him into a tight hug.
"I love it, Gabe, it's perfect just like you!"
"Okay, my turn." Beth said, and I smiled up at her.
"Whatcha got?" I asked, and she smirked.
She handed me a small box and also a bag.
"Which do I open first?"
"The box."
"Okay."
I held up a gold necklace with the initials BG.
"The locket fits perfect on there but you can also where it without it."
"Love this, Kiddo."
"Now the bag."
I opened the bag, and found a yellow journal, it was painted with black swirly font with my initials, and music notes.
When I opened it, I saw that it was refillable.
"You got me a new song book? Did you paint this?"
"Yeah, I did."
"It's gorgeous!"
Beth grinned and threw herself against me.
"I love you, Mami!"
"I love you, always, Kiddo!"
Rachel picked up Beth to spend some quality time while my parents took Gabe to see Vanessa at her parents' house.
When we had the place to ourselves, I carried Q to bed and wrapped myself around her.
"I miss you." She whispered.
It was like her motto these days.
We hadn't had sex in nearly three months because I needed time.
"When's the last time you got tested?" I asked before pressing my lips to her shoulder.
"Two weeks ago."
"When's the last time you were with someone other than me?"
"October…not since that night, S."
"When's the last time you got off?"
"The last time you fucked me. I haven't even been touching myself."
I rolled from the bed and watched her roll onto her back, looking sad.
As much as she earned it, I still didn't like being the reason she was sad.
"What about you, San?"
"I haven't been with anyone but you since we got together."
"Never?"
"Not once."
"I want to taste you."
"Say less."
I stripped from my clothes, crawled up her body, and settled on her face.
Q gripped my thighs and sucked my clit into her mouth.
"Yes, Q, that's yours to enjoy. Savor it, fuck, just like that."
I winded my hips as she took her time with my pussy.
I gripped the headboard when she pressed her fingers into me, fucking me deeper than she had in months.
And when I came with a shout, my body quaking, she held tight to my hips while moaning as she savored her reward.
I was shaking as I lay beside her, enjoying the aftershocks.
"Was that okay, S?"
"Yes, fuck, you're good at that."
"Was I a good girl?" She teased.
I raked my nails up her thighs, up and down, while she whimpered.
"You were so good."
"I'm clean, please, S…I'm so wet for you."
"Show me."
I got a thrill out of seeing Q bend to my will. All those years as her second, she felt vindicated by those moments.
Q shimmied out of her sleep shorts, and I could see how wet she was.
"Please? I'm yours."
"Only mine." I growled, burying my face between her thighs and tracing the word mine over her clit.
"Yours, ?"
"Look at me." I growled.
When her eyes were on mine, I pushed three fingers into her.
"Oh, fuck!"
I used every bit of strength I had to fuck her into the sheets.
"You're dripping, Q."
"Yes, San, only for you. Fuck! Santana!"
I felt satisfied when she came twice back to back, but the only thing missing was the way she called me Princess when I did a good job.
I wanted that back, but I still wasn't ready.
Every time Q said she was mine, I was reminded that he existed.
Quinn's POV
Med School-Year 4
JANUARY
When we got back home, I thought things would go back to normal. I thought for sure, after the daily sex in New York, that Santana would call off this separation, but that was a pipe dream.
I was returning to my first rotation since my injury two months before. In two days, my time would no longer belong to me, so I wanted to take advantage of the time.
"I miss you." I said to her, after she dropped Gabe off with Mercy for a play date with her boys.
"Give it a rest, Fabray."
"Whoa, what's wrong?"
She looked past me to Beth, who was playing on her new tablet.
"Beth?"
"Yes, Mami?"
"Two choices, go outside and touch grass, or do some chores."
Beth looked between us, then at me. "You make her mean." She muttered.
Ouch.
"You have two seconds to go outside, or I'm taking that tablet away." I said, and Santana looked just as shocked as Beth.
I had long ago shirked my parenting duties, having San carry the load, but I wasn't taking disrespect.
Beth put her tablet on the charger and went straight out the front door.
She'd probably park herself on the porch swing, but at least it would be outside.
When the door clicked closed, San was backing me against the wall and kissing me hard.
I just went with it.
No promises of belonging to only her since I saw how it turned her off.
Instead, I let her lead while gripping her hair and growling into the kiss.
"Gross. Going to Becky's, bye!" I heard Beth say before the door closed again.
"Brat." I grumbled, and San grinned.
"Can you handle climbing the stairs?" San had that spark in her eyes again.
"Yes."
"Good, grab your things, it's time to get you back in my bed."
San slipped a blindfold over my eyes and had me lay naked on the bed with my arms spread.
"You look delicious."
"You should give me a taste."
I gasped when I felt a quick smack.
"I got this paddle for us, it was one of those gifts I got for an anniversary you flaked on."
"I'm sorry. Fuck!" I groaned when she slapped my thigh.
"I can't get past what you did. It makes me feel rage, but I'm not into domestic abuse. So I'd rather have my way with you."
"Please, San?"
"Here's what's going to happen, on your next day off, we're dropping the kids on some unsuspecting person, then I'm going to get every wrong thing out of you."
"An atonement?" I whined when she grazed the paddle between my legs, giving a light smack. "Oh God."
"Or, I can have you like this every night."
"Fuck."
"Was I not fucking you enough, Fabray? You needed to go find someone else to satisfy your needs? Hmm?"
She gripped my chin, then pressed her lips to my cheek before whispering into my ear.
"Turn over, keep those naughty legs spread."
I rolled onto my stomach and stretched out.
With my eyes covered, I felt so sensitive as she continued her stinging smacks on my ass.
"Please?" I begged, needing release.
"I wonder how much chastity belts cost." She muttered.
The very thought of her locking me away so she was sure I was hers was both humiliating and so fucking hot.
"Please?" I begged again.
"Want me to lock this up, Q?"
"If that's what it takes for you to trust me again, San, then yes. I'm yours." I groaned, instantly regretting it.
She began to go harder, holding my hip so I couldn't jerk while she lit up my ass.
"I know you're mine. I shouldn't need a chastity belt to prove it. That ring on your finger, and my name should be enough."
"I'm sorry, I'll do anything. San, please?" I begged.
"Giving yourself away is never the answer! Fuck, do you understand?"
"Yes!" I sobbed. "I'm sorry. Please?"
She had to be seeing red because I could hear her sniffles as she continued to punish my ass.
"Yellow!" I whispered, but she'd heard me.
Her body left the bed, and I took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, Q, I got carried away." In the next moment, she was rubbing something warm on my ass and thighs.
"If a chastity belt is what it takes, then I'll wear one."
She undid the blindfold. I saw spots in front of my eyes as the light filtered in.
I was about to roll, but San put her hand on my back.
"Stay."
"Okay."
"I really need to think this over."
"Do you want me to go back downstairs?"
"No. I want you right here."
"Say less."
I got fitted for my back brace on my first day of rotations and needed to be monitored for the first few shifts, so I was shadowing Dr. Brooks, who seemed excited to have me with her but also was holding something back for most of my 12-hour shift.
Once we finished our day, and I was about to head to the locker room, she nodded to her office.
"Let's discuss."
As we walked, I saw Darlene rush by.
Ever since I'd been distancing myself from Ish, she'd distanced herself from me.
But if the alternative was having him back in my life, I really didn't need her either.
"I asked you here to discuss your future."
"I'm settled on Lima Memorial for intern year."
"I understand, and I respect it. Know that if you ever change your mind, we could use a bright mind like yours."
"Thank you, Dr. Brooks."
"Now about Ishmael, it's come to my attention that you had a sexual relationship with him?"
"Yes, ma'am. It was a mistake, I shouldn't have gone there with him."
"Its come to my attention that he was borderline abusive with you, and supplied you with narcotics. Is that accurate?"
I was stunned.
Britt had gone beyond what I'd asked for, apparently.
"I can explain."
"No need, between Ishmael spilling all the details, and the soon to be Dr. Pierce explaining your history, I am pretty clear on what occurred."
"Well let me explain how I plan to rectify my mistakes."
"Hiding under the protection of your father-in-law? Does he know about the affair?"
"No, my wife asked that I not share that with him."
"I see. Tell me your plan."
"Drug counseling, physical therapy, and a year off between UCLA and intern year."
"I think that's a wise choice."
"Are you kicking me out of the program?"
"No, but I am instituting mandatory random drug testing."
"Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it."
She slid a paper across her desk.
I felt like I was back in Sue's office, preparing to bargain my life away.
Thankfully, Sue had conditioned me to not shrink in the face of impending doom.
"This is a promissory agreement. If you sign it, you agree to the random drug testing, and waive any litigation from UCLA for your misconduct. If you violate it, you will be dismissed from the program."
I read over the paper and then signed it.
"Fantastic. Now, I need you to study hard, and throw your all into finishing out strong."
"I didn't know that you were so invested, Dr. Brooks."
"At first, I wasn't but I've watched your dedication, grit, and determination these last few years. You remind me of myself."
"I'm honored."
"My grandson has an enormous trust fund, he will always land on his feet. Do not allow him to bring you down."
"Yes, Ma'am."
There was a knock on the door, and Dr. Brooks gave me a soft smile.
"I'll see you tomorrow bright and early."
I nodded and then moved to leave.
Ish stood just inside the door and reached for me as I passed, but Dr. Brooks cleared her throat, "Remember our agreement, Ishmael. Hands to yourself." He dropped his hand and mumbled an apology to Dr. Brooks.
"You're going to regret this, Silver." He hissed.
His words felt ominous, but I couldn't let him see me falter, so I kept walking.
When I got home, San was sitting at the table with a glass of wine, and a book, with her glasses perched on her nose.
"Hey love." I said and then quickly corrected myself. "I mean, hey San."
"Something came for you." She said, with a smirk on her face.
"Where are the kids?"
"Mercy has them."
"San?"
"Yes, Q?"
"I saw him today, I'm pretty sure he threaten me. He won't touch me anymore though because Britt told Dr. Brooks everything."
"Wow. That's a lot." She took another sip of her wine before nodding to the box on the table. "Open it."
I moved to the table, moving closer to my wife and leaning in to kiss her but was stopped by her finger holding me back.
"No kisses?"
"Were you alone with him?"
"No, he was walking into Dr. Brooks' office while I was leaving. He told me I'd regret doing this to him."
"Bullshit. Let him try something, I'll have his head on a spike. He has eyes on him now."
"You're hot when you get all mobster. Can I kiss you now?"
She cupped my chin and leaned in, kissing me breathlessly and pulling away with a pop.
"This won't interfere with your back brace, it should go nicely with it."
And at that moment, I knew she had actually gotten a chastity belt.
I swallowed back my panic and opened the box.
My jaw dropped when I saw it had parts that went inside, too.
"How long do you want me to wear this?"
"Only when you're on rotations."
"That's 12 hours a day."
"Don't you want me to trust you?"
"Yes."
"Then you'll wear it?"
"Yes."
"Good."
That night, San had fitted the belt to my body, testing out how well it worked.
I tried to get a finger underneath and I couldn't.
"My ass is still accessible, I said to her and she nodded.
"You'll need to use the bathroom, I couldn't torture you like that. Besides, drugs or not, you don't want a dick in your ass."
"Unlike you?" I teased, and she raised an eyebrow.
"You really want to tease me when I have the key to your next orgasm?"
I shook my head and behaved until she unlocked the belt.
Somehow, the sudden freedom enhanced my orgasm.
I vowed to myself then that I'd just follow her lead in the bedroom until she trusted me again.
It was the least I could do.
San got up early the next morning to help me get the belt on under my scrubs and back brace. I was terrified it was visible, but it blended in.
Once I was locked in, she softly caressed my face, kissed my lips and smiled.
"You look hot like that, Q. How does it feel?"
"Weird."
"Does it hurt?"
"No."
"Good. Get moving, get home on time, we are going to Mercy's for dinner."
"Okay."
San tucked the key into her locket and snapped it shut with a smirk.
It was going to be a long day.
It took three hours for me to get used to the belt, right until I had to pee, but there was an opening for that.
Everyone assumed I was taking a longer time in the bathroom because of the back brace, and that was alright with me.
I'd gone about my shift, feeling a level of focus and control that I hadn't felt in ages.
My wife knew me better than I knew myself.
She knows about my need for control.
On my break, I went into the locker room to grab my phone.
I miss you in control. I hope this helps you get your fire back.-S
Your crazy plan is working, I think.-Quinn
You think?-S
I know it's working. Even if I had the key, I wouldn't take it off. I feel focused.-Q
Yeah?-S
I miss you, Princess.-Q
I sent the message with no apologies. I had to get back to who I was.
The three dots disappeared and came back, then went away again.
And then came a file.
A song I hadn't heard before called Princess.
I pulled my earbuds from my locker and opened the file.
It was the single I hadn't heard.
Her voice was gorgeous but sounded gruff like she'd been crying.
The song was both a love letter and a warning.
It was her chorus that slapped me in the face.
Lost behind the magic of our love
Wearing your existence like a dress
Feeling more like a subject than your Princess
Give me back the air I breathe
Let my touch be all I need
I want to love you for all my life
I still want to be your wife
But I need to be more than what you see
I need to take care of myself for you
And you take care of yourself for me
When she ended it with,
No greater gift can be expressed
All my love, your Princess
I knew why she wanted to wait for the right moment for me to hear it.
So even though we weren't supposed to, I FaceTimed her.
When she answered, I saw she was in an office with ducks on the shelves and a wedding photo of her and Brittany.
It was like seeing an alternate universe where my wife was never my wife and just my best friend.
The thought of going back to that hurt my heart, and I couldn't lose what we had.
Ish was not worth my marriage, not in any world.
And I knew that if I lost Santana, Brittany would be waiting with open arms.
My heart plummeted, but I trusted her, so I decided to let it go.
"So?" She actually looked nervous.
"That was the best song! I love it, Princess."
She grinned. "Yeah?"
"I'm taking care of me for you. I won't stop trying to do that."
She wiped away tears that started to fall. "That's all I want."
"Say less."