Chapter 65: Back to Life (ZAYN)
Santana's POV
Med School-Year 4
FEBRUARY
We dropped my first single, Princess, and a rapper immediately had her people contact me to make a remix.
I couldn't say no. She had just won a Grammy a week before and was openly queer.
The label was getting excited to put out my album.
Mercy was about to go on tour in the summer, and since I signed her label, they moved my album release up to May instead of August so they could market our friendship.
Mercy says it's because of how well my single was doing.
All I knew was that four years of hard work was paying off.
I got home late on a day I was supposed to pick up the kids, but Q had assured me they were taken care of.
When I stepped inside, Q was bringing food to the table.
In the same way, I was using cameras to make sure our home was safe, she had been watching my location.
And I was okay with it.
Better her watch me than anyone else.
Gabe slid off his chair and came to me with a rose in his hand.
"What's this?"
"For you, Mami."
"Thank you, Mi'jo." I picked him up and peppered his face with kisses until he squealed.
"Gabriel did you wash your hands, bud?"
"Oh!" He slapped his forehead. "Mami down."
I put him down, and he walked to the bathroom.
"Is this rose contaminated?" I looked at Q, and she rolled her eyes.
"Hi love, I just noticed he doesn't always wash his hands, I want him to make a habit out of it."
Seeing her actively parent was such a turning point for my trust in her.
I tapped my locket, a signal to ask if she was still wearing the belt, and she winked.
I'd given her the key when she had a follow-up with her doctor, and it would have been visible.
I thought she'd take that as permission to take it off when she wanted, but something about wearing it made her feel strong, so I didn't complain.
"Hi! Hello? You see me?" Beth asked me, tearing my attention away from her Mama.
"Of course I see you, Kiddo."
"I got an A on my math test." She said, and I picked her up and kissed her face, even though she insisted she was too big to be picked up.
"I'm so proud of you, Kiddo."
"How are you holding me up?"
"I was a cheerleader, we are all freakishly strong. Before she hurt her back, your Mama could lift me onto her shoulders without missing a beat."
"No way!"
"Yes way."
I put Beth down, and she looked at Q.
"Is that right, Mama?"
"Yup. I was a flyer and a base, your Mami was just a flyer since she weighs almost nothing. I'm pretty sure you could pick her up, right now."
Beth was wrapping her arms around my waist seconds later, lifting me from the floor.
"Point proven, put me down."
When I was on my feet again, Beth looked at me in awe.
"You need to eat, Mami."
"I eat. It's one of my favorite things, your Mama knows that."
Quinn blushed and squirmed, "I'm going to bring the rest of the food out. Beth, go make sure your brother isn't playing in the water."
I followed Q into the kitchen, where there was a vase of roses.
"Is this where he got the rose?"
"Yes."
"What's wrong, Luce, you look flushed."
She yanked me closer and kissed me hard.
Fuck, I missed this part of her.
"I'm soaked. I need to fuck you. It's been the longest week, tell me your period is over."
"Finished yesterday."
"Tonight you're going to ride me."
"Is that right, Reina." I said, and her nostrils flared.
"I have the big one all ready for you, Princess. I want to celebrate your single. I need a private concert."
"Say less."
I kissed her again until Beth came into the kitchen.
"Can you be gross later? We're hungry."
"Let's go, chop chop." Gabe said, clapping at us.
This was it, all I had wanted for years, and it made me feel elated and enraged.
Quinn pushed a pitcher of juice into my hands.
"Fix your face. We can't think of time we lost, we can only exist in right now."
"Say less." I whispered and then plastered on a smile.
She was right.
Quinn's POV
Med School -Year 4
MARCH
This year, for Spring Break, Vince took Beth and Gabe for the week.
I knew I'd have a crazy study schedule coming up, so I wanted to do something special for my fourth wedding anniversary.
Vince met us at the airport, with Lydia and little Vinny in tow. Santana had a hard time seeing Gabe off, but he kissed her face and demanded she stop crying.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think San had birthed Gabe and not Vanessa. They were just so alike.
When we were headed to the car, San looked like the saddest kid in the world.
"I need to tell you something." I began, and she looked at me in fear.
"What is it? I knew giving you the key was a mistake."
"I took it off because it would have been too much to explain to TSA."
"But we're not going through TSA."
"Our flight leaves in an hour. Happy anniversary, Princess, I'm whisking you away."
"What? You're not serious!"
"Yup. I already checked with Sam, you have nothing planned this week. I know our anniversary is in two weeks but I hope you don't mind celebrating early."
"Where are we going?"
"Aruba."
"Wait, I get to wear a bikini?"
"I packed your three skimpiest ones."
"I'm going to fuck you all week to thank you for this, be prepared."
"This is your week Princess, you held this marriage together, you deserve to be rewarded."
"Okay, okay, don't spoil anything else. I want to be surprised."
"Your wish is my command." I teased.
"Wanky!"
It was the best feeling in the world to put a smile on San's face, so when she asked if I wanted to join the mile-high club, how could I deny her?
"We can't have this argument again love, I can't be there on THAT day. I don't understand why you can't move it!"
"Because I didn't set the date!"
"Why not, it's YOUR album! Just drop it!"
"I'm not Beyonce! This is my first project, Q. My first baby and I need you there! Please?" She said as she gripped the edge of the bed that I was currently inhabiting with every medical book that I owned.
It took six days for our Aruba bliss to fade once she told me when her album party was.
It would be a week of parties, elbow rubbing, and ass-kissing.
I would not fail my boards for it.
"My boards are the next day! Passing means I become a doctor, and the last four years haven't been for nothing!" I tried to stress it to her. "There will be other parties, but I can't focus on anything else that week."
"I don't think you understand just how important this night is, Q. Even Brittany is coming for Christ's sake!"
"Don't use the Lord's name in vain and since when is she coming? We ask for one favor, and suddenly she's everywhere. I don't like it." I said, dropping my highlighter and giving her my full attention. "Why is she going?"
She slammed her hand against the bed and then hesitated a long moment before finally speaking.
"That's what you care about?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I care about your ex-wife being there?"
"Sam invited her. He helped produce my album, she's his WIFE now. So yes, she'll be there."
I tried not to roll my eyes, but I'm sure I did it anyway.
"Look, how about a compromise, I'll help you get ready...I will even keep my phone on just in case you need to call and you can take Beth with you. She'll love that."
"It's a school night and she's heard the album."
"So you do get that it's just an album, that I've also HEARD and LOVED...and that it's a school night! How about we have our own family album release party instead...like a pregame."
"You know what, fuck it...fine, we can do that."
She said with a smile on her face, her eyes not even showing her disappointment.
My wife was too good at hiding her emotions, and because I was tired and stressed, I didn't push it.
I just smiled and nodded.
"Great, it's settled." I picked up my highlighter and scanned the page to find where I had stopped.
"I guess." She sighed, fingering the locket around her neck.
She lingered, and so I looked up, my lips tucked in my mouth. Annoyed that I couldn't remember half of what I was reading. "Was there anything else, love?"
She stared at me hard, smile still in place and then shook her head.
"Nope...study hard. I'm going to get the kids ready for bed."
"Okay. Grab me some water on your way back?" I asked, no longer looking her way.
"Yup." She mumbled before shutting the door softly.
Beth delivered the water moments later, and even then, I didn't allow myself to get upset.
I just didn't have time.
Med School-Year 4
MAY
SANTANA'S POV
Leave it to Russell Fabray to make a dramatic fucking EXIT!
Unbeknownst to my wife, he had been dealing with ALS and with a shortened life span, he was feeling angry.
A feeling I felt all too well when, a month before, they found another lump, this time benign, but I already knew the writing was on the wall. Breast cancer was coming for me. It wasn't an if. It was a when.
So I understood just how desperate Russell felt, knowing he was on borrowed time.
He'd gone about his life in his usual way while secretly planning his funeral for months without telling a soul.
To top it off, he chose doctor-assisted suicide so his family couldn't collect life insurance and so that he could choose the day he was buried and what day did he pick?
Only one of the busiest travel weekends of the year.
He'd picked Memorial Day so that nobody had an excuse to flake due to work.
And if you had a pre-paid family vacation to Puerto Rico to celebrate Quinn finishing board exams, that was going to coincide with school and work breaks...like we did...well, screw that.
Russell left the world in the same manner that he lived.
With two middle fingers raised to the motherfucking sky.
I had to give it to him...that is a really dramatic way to go.
The kicker of it all was that the man recorded his final moments and then had his mistress/lawyer mail it to his ex-wife and his two daughters.
What an ASSHOLE.
Quinn hadn't spoken to her father in over a decade. There was no love lost between them.
But she still packed us all and dressed us to the nines so that when we walked into that church, we would shine.
And SHINE, we did, heads turned, eyes widened, and at that moment, my wife wrapped her arm around my waist and drew me closer.
Which brings us to right now.
My parents picked up the kids straight after the mass, leaving me alone with Q for the ride to the cemetery.
She hasn't spoken at all today, and I haven't really pushed her to because I know how much she doesn't want to break down in front of the kids or anyone else in the family.
It was the last thing she needed, but now it was just us.
"He was a bastard." I said.
"I know."
"He disowned you without a second thought."
She let out a dry chuckle and nodded.
"Sure did."
"He beat you guys whenever he felt pissed off."
"I've got the scars to prove it."
"It's okay to still be sad, Q. It's okay to allow yourself to feel this." I said as I reached out and took her hand in mine.
"That's just it, there's nothing to feel. He was dead to me a long time ago."
"Are you sure about that?"
She went silent, and when I glanced over, I saw that her face was red from the sheer concentration it was taking not to break down.
"I don't know. Right now, I'm numb. I thought maybe when I saw him lying there in the church, I hoped to feel something but seeing him didn't change a thing. The only thing I'm sure of is that, I'm so much better than he was. I'm a better parent, I'm a better Christian, I'm a better spouse, and I'm a damn sure smarter person than he ever was. "
"That's right baby, own it!"
"Can you do something for me, love?" She asked me as we pulled up to the same cemetery that housed the remains of my brother.
The same place that I had been coming to every August for most of my life.
"Anything." I let go of her hand so that I could park properly and then turned the car off, giving her my full attention.
Her hair was long again, hanging in golden ringlets under her wide-brim black hat...because my wife (like her father, not that I'll say that out loud) is a drama queen.
She was infinitely beautiful, as always. When I looked into her eyes, I knew I'd do anything for her.
"If I ever get too in my head and get so cold that I start to become like him again...even if it's just a little bit..." She trailed off as she watched people walk up towards the funeral plot...a plot that sat on the highest hill of the cemetery, overlooking everyone else, including my brother, who was just in the valley of the high point.
Which I'm sure Russell knew when selecting it because now, every August, I would have to look at his grave as I walked toward Anthony's.
Bastard.
I shook off my loathing and looked at my wife...wanting like hell to make light of this situation. "You want me to hide the hair dye and black clothes?"
She rolled her eyes and flashed me that one-of-a-kind smile.
"NO. Just promise me that you'll catch me before I fall."
I reached up to cup her face, and she smiled even bigger.
"After everything you've done to save me, there is NOTHING, not anger, regret, or even God forbid divorce...that could keep me from catching you. I promise you 've proven yourself to me over and over these past few months."
And then, in that moment she began to cry, her mascara running down her face in dark streaks.
"Is my makeup ruined?" She asked, the smile still there.
I nodded and went to wipe it clean, but she pushed my hand away.
"No, leave it, this way Fran and Mother won't be on my case about being heartless."
"You sly devil, you!" I said, and she laughed and then scowled.
"No, don't make me laugh; it'll ruin it, " she teased, and I nodded.
"Let's go then, so we can get some time alone before my parents are done spoiling the kids."
"Good idea, I'm going to need to repay you for being so perfectly sappy at the right moment."
"So, we'll go watch him be put into the ground, say a Our Father and leave before anyone accosts you. If we're lucky we might be able to get it in more than twice. I want to love every inch of you Fabray."
More tears came, and she bit her lip before saying in that low, sexy growl.
"It's still Lopez, love and that sounds like a plan because I'm definitely counting on more than twice. Tick, tock." She winked and then (like her father) dramatically exited the car.
My legs were shaking as I gripped the headboard and allowed my knees to dig into the mattress as I tried to steady myself. I hovered over her lips as she continued to work her tongue in achingly slow circles around my clit.
"Fuck!" I growled when, after an eternity of slow circles, she pushed what felt like her entire hand into me and sped up her tongue, spelling out what she always did.
M-I-N-E.
"Yesssss, Q, I'm all fucking yourssss. SHIT."
I came hard, but she continued her circles until I was a quaking, quivering mess or at least until her hand and tongue were tired.
Either way, I barely knew my name as I collapsed down onto the bed.
She sat up, her beautiful curls frayed around her head as she picked up her trusty water bottle and began to drink slowly as I watched.
I lay across from her, looking up at her from the edge of the bed with the blanket draped around me, and she smirked.
"Talk about de'ja vu."
"Except, I know for a fact there is going to be more sex once I can move my legs."
"And the fact that you are no longer an experiment."
"Yup." I said, popping my lips.
She opened her mouth to say something, but then her phone rang —it was Beth's ringer—and I knew our time was almost up.
I watched as she answered the phone and felt an aftershock shake me as her voice was low and raspy.
Her timbre was so distracting that I could barely understand the words she was forming, especially with her eyes watching me. A devilish grin crossed her face as she traced her lips with her tongue, listening patiently to Beth blather on and on.
And then, FINALLY, she hung up.
"She wanted to know if she could stay the night over there."
"Which you said yes to."
"Which I said yes to."
"Gre-" I began to speak, but she was on me in less than five seconds, and I was putty in her hands.
I could be tough for the world, but when it comes to her, my God, I will play the pillow princess over and over if it means I get to have such amazing sex.
Who knew that I would go from hating her being on top to just about throwing myself at her feet every chance I got?
I bet she knew.
And as if she could hear my thoughts, she bit down on my neck as her fingers found their way back between my legs and I once again allowed her to take me as her own...for as many times as she felt the need to declare it.
QUINN'S POV
Where I was rough with her, she was so gentle with me as she ran her hands up the sides of my body, kissing me as she went.
Heat was left behind every kiss as I melted under her ministrations.
Dear Lord, HOW does she do this to me?
I dug my fingers into her hair as she moved between my legs finally, her hands parting my thighs as she began to kiss me in every place, with the exception of my clit, drawing out the inevitable in just the way that I liked.
"I love you." I said, and she looked up at me, holding my gaze for an agonizingly long moment before her lips touched the most intimate part of me.
"Please, Princess...please. I need you." And to add effect to the weight of my words, I gave in to the tears that I was holding back all day long.
Her eyes melted, and FINALLY, she sucked my clit between her lips, and I pushed my hips up towards her face, attempting to ride her from beneath, but her hands, like iron weights, held down my hips.
So I went still and gave myself over to her.
After four years of marriage, with med school almost in my rearview and her album finally finished, things finally felt like they were settling.
Even after my infidelity and backslide into addiction, we persisted.
Here we were...in the same place we first connected.
And I couldn't ask for anything more at that moment.
Just me and her.
Loving and fucking to our hearts' content.
It was all that I needed and wanted forever more...HER.
Med School-Year 4
JUNE
QUINN'S POV
Boards were over and classes were done, everyone I knew was lining up internships for the following year, me included.
I had offers from my top three hospitals...CHOP and UPENN in Philly, and Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, I couldn't accept any of them because I had made a promise to my wife that I intended to keep.
My problem was her attachment to her ex-wife. I'd fooled myself into believing we were perfect after the funeral, but the days since proved me wrong.
I'd been focused on my boards and then the funeral, so I'd missed most of the pictures from Santana's album release party.
Britt was in everyone, touching her waist and staring lovingly at her.
Britt's words on how she'd tried to take San back lingered.
Now that I was clearheaded, I felt paranoid that my wife would want retribution for my cheating. Who better to fuck than someone who probably knew her body better than I did.
Sure, Britt had married Sam out of nowhere, but she wasn't fooling me.
Without school to distract me, I had too much time on my hands, and I was feeling rage.
Unadulterated RAGE, not because of what happened between us and how violated it made me feel but more because it seemed she and Santana were practically inseparable friends again.
They'd been all over each other at the album party.
Posted infinite pictures on social media, and I know because I watched...and re-watched everything.
Now that I've got nothing to do while Gabriel and Beth are in school...nothing to do but ponder everything I had missed these past few years, while I was high and fucking around, I realized just how open I had left our marriage.
We'd gone through long stretches without sex...and when we did fuck, it was mechanical or vicious, no in between.
It'd only been a few months since we had gotten back to making love again, but before that I was cold, distracted and I knew it.
But I made myself believe that it was all good.
I thought I had time to fix it, but Brittany hanging around, even though she's married, means that there is room for her to sneak in and disrupt things.
Every day, Santana comes home from the studio happier and shinier, leaving me to wonder whether Brittany was there cheering her on.
I had to step my game up.
Be better...especially now that I had time.
SANTANA'S POV
"I hate that you're moving away." Brittany whined as she helped me clear out my side of the closet.
Even though we weren't moving for another month, we were starting to ship things to Lima.
"I know, B but this is what I signed up for. She's almost there, you know. It's her dream to be a pediatric neurologist and she got into the best program in the country. They are even letting her defer a year. Do you know how amazing that is?"
She rolled her eyes at me as she examined a sweater that I had tossed in the donation pile.
"Actually I do."
"Right, M.I.T. And USC. Duh! I can't believe you've got a Ph.D. now." I chuckled as I watched her put the sweater next to her bag. "Are you stealing my sweater?"
"No, I'm reclaiming it. Don't you remember me giving it to you?" She asked, looking hurt. "It was the day after prom and I took you to Breadstix."
"No...sorry, B." I said before going right back to tossing clothes from the closet. "It was so long ago...thanks for letting me borrow it."
"Sure."
"So, have you told Sam about the baby yet?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.
Her eyes brightened as she sat up straighter on the bed and began combing through my toss pile. She was probably looking for other trinkets from our relationship that I had discarded.
"I'm not sure I'm keeping it, San, he's got two kids already...that's more than enough. I don't want to have a baby, so why would I tell him."
"Wait...what?" I said, looking at her in shock.
"You heard me. My body has been through hell. Me and Sam are happy. Just the two of us and Lady Tubbington...why would I want to ruin that?"
"I just don't get it, B." I pushed aside the new pile she was creating and sat down, taking her hand in mine.
"What's there to get?"
"B, you've always wanted kids." And right then, her blue eyes captured mine and I knew what she'd say before she was going to say it. Just like old times. "Don't say it ..." I started to say, but she had to get the words out.
"I always wanted to have kids with YOU. He will never be you and she will NEVER be me. I don't see the point."
"I know, but you've said it yourself we shouldn't have gotten married."
"So young. Never not at all, a divorce doesn't erase vows. I love you, Santana. Always have, always will, and I know that you feel the same way."
"You know what broke us."
She flinched. "I was a different person then."
"It's too late."
"Why does she get a second chance and I don't?"
"I gave you one and then you raped her…remember?"
"I wish I could forget, but even if I did, it doesn't change things. I've respected your marriage all this time, haven't I? I just know I'll regret it, if I don't tell you how I feel."
"It changes nothing. I'm sorry."
She pulled me forward then and kissed me. The sparks were still there, and for a moment, I gave in. I whimpered when she pulled away first, wiping her lipstick from my lips.
Damn.
"Anything?" She smirked at me, then took my hand. "I guess I can at least go on knowing that I still do it for you, even if I can't have you. I know you felt something, even if you don't admit it."
"It doesn't matter, we can only be friends. I choose her. I hate what she did, but it doesn't compare to you."
"I know, okay, I know."
"You can't kiss me again, promise me."
"I promise." She said, hypnotizing me with those fucking eyes.
We sat on my bed holding hands, neither ready to let go.
It's like we were stuck in a trance for a solid five minutes before a presence in the doorway broke the spell.
"What's going on?" Beth said, her school bag dangling from her fingers as she held tight to Gabe's hand. "My mom is parking on the street because there's a car blocking the driveway." She said, looking right at Brittany.
I dropped Brittany's hand and turned towards my daughter, not bothering to smile or sugarcoat this.
Quinn had known Brittany would be here, we weren't sneaking around, and Beth needed to chill before she made this a bigger deal than it needed to be.
"Brittany's going through something. I was just cheering her up." I said, getting up from the bed and holding my arms out to Gabe.
He was innocent unassuming, and so he ran past Beth and jumped right into my arms, but Beth was still glaring at B.
"On that note, I think I should go." Brittany stood up, but I shook my head.
"No. Any minute Quinn is going to walk in the door and if you go running out of here, she'll think we were up to something."
"You were holding hands." Beth growled and stomped her foot.
I heard the front door open and shut downstairs and glared right back at Beth.
"That's enough out of you. Nothing happened, I love your Mama, end of story."
"You used to love Brittany too." She said, her eyebrow-raising, resembling high school Quinn a little too much.
Quinn's steps were getting closer as she climbed the stairs, humming to herself.
Brittany was busying herself by stuffing that stupid sweater in her shoulder bag when Quinn showed up just behind Beth with a peaceful smile on her face...or at least it was peaceful until Beth said to her...without taking her eyes off of me.
"They were holding hands and sitting way too close together, Mama. Mami had that look she gets when you kiss her."
Quinn looked from Brittany to me and then her eyebrow raised.
"Is that right?"
"It's not a big deal." I reiterated. "Right, B?" I said, hoping she'd back me up.
I rocked my son while my wife was reading my face.
Beth was standing with her arms crossed over her chest like she'd caught me having sex while Gabe clung to me, his body getting heavier as he fell asleep in my arms. I kissed his face and waited for Britt to say something.
It was a Mexican standoff, and I knew that this version of my ex-wife wasn't going to back down.
"I'm sorry, I'll go." She said, looking only at Quinn. "Congrats on everything, Q. Thanks, Sanny." She murmured before brushing past Beth and her mother, leaving me with two inquisitive blondes.
I felt a pang in my chest and sat down on the bed.
Whatever the fight to come, nothing I did would compare to years of infidelity, and Quinn knew it, but Beth didn't.
So, I looked to my daughter instead of explaining anything to my wife.
"Beth, I love your Mama. Brittany could release doves, tattoo my name on her face, buy me a million shoes, and I would still pick your Mama."
She bit her lip, then nodded, finally accepting my words as truth.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
QUINN'S POV
In my heart, I knew, just from the look on Santana's face, that nothing had happened, and if this had happened out of Beth's sight, I wouldn't have let it phase me.
Only Beth had seen them holding hands, and Brittany looked way too guilty for me to be rational.
I'd cheated in this very room, but she wasn't just anyone. This was Brittany, my abuser.
When I agreed for her to come over, our room was not a part of the deal.
I put a hand on Beth's shoulder and whispered to her.
"Take your brother and get him changed for dinner. We have reservations in an hour."
"Okay." She said, holding her arms out for Gabriel, but Santana shook her head.
"He's asleep. Let him be."
Beth looked back at me, but I just nodded.
I knew Santana's game...keep our son in the room so that we didn't yell.
And because a part of me knew there was no issue, I didn't fight her on it.
Right then, I was choosing which battle I wanted to fight.
"Leave him, Sweets. Go change and start your homework, just because its the last week of school, doesn't mean you can slack off."
She groaned and pouted, but I just stepped to the side so she could move past me.
"Happy birthday to me."
She mumbled as she headed to her room.
"Almost."
"I can't wait to go to Texas." She threw back.
"I bet."
Santana laid Gabe down on the bed and surrounded him with pillows. Even though he was nearly five, and it was unnecessary, I know that she couldn't quite help herself.
He's still her baby. I get it.
"Before you explain what it is she saw, I just need you to know that I trust you." I said to her as she looked at me without a shred of guilt, only indignation.
"Nothing happened."
"Let me be the judge of that. Why was she in our bedroom?"
There was a huff and an exaggerated eye roll, but she was calm when she spoke.
"I was cleaning out my side of the closet, and she was helping me. You don't have much room to talk, you know that right?" She snapped, her voice low.
"I get that. I disrespected you, our home, and this marriage but I have been working hard to prove that I am in this. Haven't I?"
I felt the tears bubbling and wished I had been wearing that fucking chastity belt that made me feel powerful.
Of all days to need that extra bit of control, today was that day.
I'd spent the morning meeting with my sister and mother over Russell's will, and then I was 5 minutes late picking up an annoyed Beth, only to come home to this.
I felt unhinged.
"I see you, Q. Other than missing my album party," I was about to retort, but she held up her hand, "For good reason, you've been stepping up, Luce."
"Glad you noticed. Want to tell me why she looked like she was about to cry? And why her lipstick was smudged?"
She sighed and looked back to make sure Gabe was still asleep.
"She kissed me." She said before turning to look at me fully.
The sharp stab in my gut made me feel sick. One kiss, and I feel devastated. How must San have felt?
"Did you kiss her back?" I knew my voice sounded forced.
"The better question is, did I want to leave you for her, and the answer is no."
"Classic Sue move, redirecting a conversation, but I see through you. I was your captain, I know when you're fucking deflecting." My voice got louder, and Gabe whined in his sleep.
Santana glared at me. "He pissed on you, nothing I do compares." She growled, and I was stunned, speechless.
"San…I…I don't want to fight. I trust you."
"As you should, other than today I have been faithful to you."
"Then why did she look sad? Like you were ending things with her?"
"Because, Q, she's pregnant and wants to get rid of it without even telling Sam. She wanted to have my babies, she's sad that will never happen. She knows I'm disappointed that she'd have an abortion." She said, a spark of anger back in her voice.
"Tough shit, If she wants to get rid of the baby, that's her decision. You have no say." I said, not really sure why Santana was SO bent out of shape about it.
"I thought you were Pro-Life. How can you support this for her, did you not bully Vanessa into keeping Gabe?"
I looked over at our son, his sweet face smushed, as he drooled on my pillow.
Convincing Vanessa to keep him had been the best decision of my life.
"I'm Pro-Choice and with Vanessa it was different."
She chuckled and stood from the bed with her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at me.
"Explain to me just how it's different, don't tell me it's because this is Brittany."
"Actually, yes. She's a damaged person, there's no telling what affect she'll have on a kid."
"And YOU aren't damaged?" She stammered out, her hands thrown in front of her. "You let someone piss on you. Not that I'm into that, but if I'm not doing it no one else should be."
"Lower your voice!" I hissed.
"Why? Don't want the kids to know that Mama is into golden showers?" She hissed.
Two bright brown eyes were watching me now with tears in his eyes.
We were on the edge of a screaming match...I could feel it, and on the eve of Beth's eleventh birthday, no less.
This was not how things should be...we were supposed to be happy.
So, I chose not to let this fight get any worse because it always came back to the worst moment between Ish and me when he had taken advantage of me, passing out.
It was stupid and getting us nowhere.
"Let's just drop it. What she does is none of our business. No need to throw barbs."
"Sure, whatever."
"Mami, be nice to Mama." Gabe said, and San put her hand over her mouth.
I smirked as I left her to figure out how much he'd heard.
JULY
SANTANA'S POV
She wouldn't argue with me.
In fact, her cold shoulder only gets colder the more I try to talk to her.
We put on happy faces for Beth's birthday.
When everyone came to town for Quinn's graduation, I openly congratulated her and talked about how proud I was.
For Beth, we gave our best performance until we took her to the airport a few days later.
I was pretty sure she didn't buy it, but she wasn't going to say anything to make it worse.
Quinn was in rare form, being more like Judy, the homemaker, than ever.
Without school, she had to face the growing chasm between us.
But she's a coward, so instead, we had more sex than ever.
The sex...my God...the sex has been phenomenal, but the talking...well, there has been NONE of that.
Nothing of substance anyway.
As far as Brittany was concerned, I hadn't heard anything either way and maybe that was for the best.
Maybe it was better to get this fight out of our systems before we left L.A.
In Lima, we'd have no choice but to face our demons fast because Mami would catch on quickly, and we'd end up revealing way more than I wanted to.
No thanks.
Unfortunately for me, I'd have to make the first move because Quinn would never do it.
I missed when she'd fight back, but the only way she'd talk was through fucking, so I started to devise a plan.
With our first house in contract to be sold for nearly double what Papi paid for it and him gifting that money to us, we bought a house in Philly that we were going to gut and fix up so that when we were ready to move, we'd be able to move straight in.
Soon enough, we'd be back east...far away from Brittany's professorship at USC and Sam's production company.
Until then, we'd be in a house down the block from my parents and a few blocks from Judy.
There was no way we could go home like this.
So, nearly a MONTH after this silent battle started...I decided to be real with my wife.
"Thanks for doing this, Mercy." I said as I ruffled Gabe's hair.
"Can I go play, now, Mami?" He asked me as he looked towards Mercedes and Sam's two gorgeous sons playing a few feet away.
"Sure mi'jo, go play."
From that moment on, I was invisible to him...which was more than okay with me.
"I'll call you if anything, go have fun." Mercedes said, hugging me tighter than I had hoped.
"My God, woman, I can't breathe!" I groaned.
"If you're talking, you're breathing. Now shoo, don't keep her waiting. I want details!" She called after me.
"You sure about that?" I cackled.
"Yes! Wait...not all of them." She called back.
"I thought so."
I couldn't stop smiling as I headed to the car, hoping to set my plan in motion now that Gabe was set for the night.
Now, all I needed was the right words to say.
QUINN'S POV
Since graduation, I'd been working a few hours a day in Dr. Brooks' office, doing administrative work.
By my last day of work in L.A., I was exhausted!
In addition, this situation with Santana was still ongoing, even though I was SO over it at this point.
We'd reached a stalemate, both of us waiting for the other to bow out. I think I was winning, but it sure didn't feel like it.
I pulled up to the house and expected every light to be on...a part of her war against my constant bitching about the high electricity bill was to leave every single one on.
But tonight, only the downstairs lights were on, and from what I could see, it wasn't even all of them.
Was this the break?
Dear Lord, I sure hope so.
When I walked inside, the place smelled like Maribel's rice and beans. Candles were flickering, and the stereo was turned down low.
Classic R ...my favorite.
"Santana?" I called out to her.
"Kitchen." She called back, sounding happy for once.
I strode into the kitchen, and there she was, in a skimpy dress and very, very high stilettos.
She looked like sex personified...plus she had her hair pinned up, showing off those ears that I love so fucking much.
"Hey." I said...feeling breathless and kind of grungy in my scrubs that she used to tease me about, claiming how she loved the easy access.
Which was funny until she knew about Ish.
When she turned around, she held open her arms.
"Come here, my love."
It felt like a trap, but I was starved for her touch, so I went to her anyway.
The feel of her body against mine was different than it had been lately.
Firmer, like when we were Cheerios, and she smelled like HOME.
"I've missed you, Princess." I admitted.
"Yeah?"
"Yes, my love."
"What is the word you trace against my clit...every time you go down on me?"
I pulled back from the hug and looked up into her eyes...expecting a smirk, but she was serious.
"Mine."
"Why is that?"
"Uh...what do you mean?"
"Is it a reminder to yourself, or is it a declaration to me?"
Damn. It always came back to what I'd done, but this was progress, so I decided to play along.
"It's...a declaration. That you're mine...and in return, that I'm yours." I said, suddenly feeling dumb for letting this thing go on.
"We are a sure thing, Q. Right?"
I nodded.
"Of course."
"And you trust me?"
"Without a doubt. I know I have no right to be upset about a single kiss after what I've done, what was done to me, it's just that of all the people, it was Brittany."
"It stings extra."
"Exactly."
"I get that." She nodded and then reached into her bra pulling out a chip and holding it out to me.
"I want you to have this."
It was her five-year sobriety chip.
Somehow, I'd almost forgotten.
"That chip, is a reminder that loving her nearly killed me. It's a reminder that you saved me without me asking you to."
"And I'd do it again."
"That chip is a reminder that even with every thing that she put YOU through because of me, that I am still here with and for you."
"After this last year, I know that better than ever."
"Good. What this all comes down to more than trust, is faith. I have faith in us plain and simple, Q. Tell me that you do too?"
"YES!" I screamed out as she fucked me, loved me, kissed me on the counter. I was a shaking mess as I rested my head against her shoulder. "MY GOD, SANTANA! FUCK ME!"
"I love you...do you hear me, I love you, Quinn. So fucking much."
"Yes...yessss...yesssss." My ankles were locked around her back as she continued stroking into me...how she hid a strap-on under that dress without me knowing is beyond me, but I was NOT complaining.
"We're forever, do you understand, me? I don't want anyone but you, para siempre. Forever, Q...entiendes?"
"YESSS! Fuck...yes!"
"I'm yours."
"Mine."
"Fuck...yes." She said, slamming into me so hard that I lifted off the counter
She wrapped her arms tight around me...pulling me against her as she kept stroking like that thing was a part of her, in heels, no less.
"I love you, Princess." I choked out as I fell apart in her arms.
My orgasm rendered me breathless as I came back to back.
To back.
She stayed inside of me as she rested me back down on the counter and put her sweaty forehead against mine.
It was fitting that this was the same spot we'd fucked for the first time when we'd moved in.
Maybe that was her intention, and it worked because it brought me back to all the hope and love I had when we'd first arrived.
"I want to have your baby."
She said to me, sounding breathless and vulnerable.
My heart leaped...her having our baby was something I always wanted but never voiced...her career was taking off, and pregnancy could get in the way, but semantics didn't matter.
"Yeah?" I said, pulling back and looking into her eyes...my muscles clenching against the piece of her still buried inside of me. My body quaked again, and she smirked.
"Yeah."
"Okay. Lets have a baby."
Her hands gripped my waist as she pulled out almost all the way and then slammed back into me.
"FUCK!" I groaned.
She stilled and looked at me.
"More?"
I nodded.
"Don't stop."
"I don't plan on it." She said, slamming in again.
"Loving me, Santana...don't stop."
She chuckled.
"Like I said, Luce, I don't plan on it. It's you, my love. Always."
"Mine." I said as I nibbled on her ear.
She groaned and slammed harder, sending me over the edge.
"Yours." She shuddered, her hips still moving.
"Couch." I groaned as she stroked slower.
"Bed." She countered...stilling for a moment.
"Shower." I compromised.
"Even better." She said, pulling me as close as she could and kicking off one heel, then the other, before holding me tight as she carried me down the hall.
Never again would I EVER second guess her.
Ever.
That night, she did and said everything she felt, simple and plain.
While she may have given in first, she was definitely the one winning.
My sweet Lord, did she win and by association, so did I.