Chapter 67: All About Our Love (Sade)

JANUARY

QUINN'S POV

The first month after my surgery, was met with zero complications, and then things took a turn just in time for my birthday.

First, I was sitting in church with Judy, giving our thanks to God, when I looked down and saw that my dress was wet, but I couldn't feel it.

"Mother?" I whispered as she prayed.

"I taught you better than to interrupt a prayer." She hissed.

"I…I had an accident…and I can't feel it."

Her face snapped towards me, then over to my children who were sitting with Santana in the Sunday school section.

"Okay, thankfully for us, you have a long coat. We'll need to get you into the doctor."

"She's back in Cleveland."

"Then we are going to Cleveland. Let's get you out of here while they're still praying."

Judy stood up and quietly guided my wheelchair down the center aisle towards the lobby.

I heard the click of Santana's heels and the squeak of Gabriel's shoes a moment later, and saw them all holding their coats.

"What's going on?" Beth asked, once we were all outside of the sanctuary. "Mama, are you okay?"

My cheeks were hot as I looked at my children, they both looked concerned for me and that's the last thing I wanted.

"I'm going to be okay, Sweets. I'm feeling a little pain, I need to go see my doctor."

"Can we go with you?" Gabriel asked, and I looked to San and slightly shook my head.

"You know what, Mom, I really think these kids need to stay for the service. Would you mind keeping them while I help Quinn?" San said, before slipping on her coat. "Kiddo, listen to Grandma, okay. I'll give you a call when we know something."

"Promise me?" Beth asked, holding out her pinky, and San grinned.

"I promise. Go back inside."

The kids blew me a kiss, which I returned before heading back into the sanctuary.

"Are you sure. Santana?" I could tell Mother wanted to go with me, but I knew she was also devout in her church attendance. It helped that San had called her mom.

"Absolutely, enjoy your time with them." San handed over her credit card, "Have Breadstix on me."

Mother kissed my face, then Santana's before heading back inside.

San didn't say anything until we were at the car.

"What's bothering you?"

"I can't feel my legs, and I had…I had an accident." I muttered, expecting San to look at me in disgust.

"Okay, don't get embarrassed, it happens. I've done it at least once or twice when I was too high to move."

"Gross."

"I know, right. At least you have an excuse, I was just being stupid."

She helped me into the car, turning on the heat, before wiping down my chair and putting it in the trunk.

By the time she was in the car, I was in tears.

"Where does it hurt?" She whispered, hovering her hands over me.

"It doesn't, that's the fucking problem!" I snapped.

"Right. I'm going to take us home, get you in the shower, and then I'm going to call Dr. Ramos."

"You don't have to. I can clean myself, Santana."

"I'm going to let that pass, because you're panicking."

"No, what I am, is defeated."

"No bueno, Q."

"I stink."

She didn't say anything, instead she started the car, and began to drive us back home.

I could tell she wanted to say a million things to placate me but instead, she was biting her tongue.

Smart.

I was in no mood to talk.

Right then, more than anything, I missed the intentional numbness of pills.

At least when I was buzzed, my brain was just as docile as can be.

I was in a hate spiral, and I didn't want that to rub off on her.

She'd been nothing less than perfect since my surgery, taking care of my every need without me having to ask.

She deserved more than I was giving her, that's for sure.

Antonio met us at the door, with a concerned look in his eyes.

"Judy called me, I called Dr. Ramos."

"Bendicion, Papi, I'm going to get her cleaned up. Can you see if Dr. Ramos can come here, or if we can get an appointment in Cleveland?"

"Already on it, she was visiting her family this weekend, she was headed home tonight. When you're ready, we can head over to the hospital."

My anger faded, and I felt like an asshole as I looked up at Antonio. "Thanks, Pop."

He nodded, and then San was wheeling me down the hallway toward our temporary bedroom.

All I wanted to do was walk.

It was just so fucking unfair.

Instead of fighting, I let San undress me and help me into the shower.

It struck me how this room didn't need to be set up for me, it was already in place because of Anthony.

My in-laws had lost a lot.

I needed to stop being an asshole.

"Do your parents ever talk about life before you were born?"

My wife was quiet as she settled me onto the shower seat, I watched her turn on the water, before she began to strip.

I loved to watch her like this, gorgeous and only mine.

My eyes went to her boobs, but her long hair blocked the sides, where I knew that lump was still existing.

She still didn't want another biopsy, convinced that the three she'd already had were more than enough.

"I think if they were normal parents, every part of my life would be living in his shadow, but my mother is a psychiatrist, she knew better than to make me live in his footsteps. It's why we celebrate his birthday every year, it is their chance to talk as much as they want about him. Unless I ask about him, I don't hear much until his birthday."

"What do you know?" I asked as she began to wash my body. This was our routine, we talked while she got me clean.

Normally it was about the kids or our plans once I healed, but today, I needed to think about anything else.

"He was my exact opposite, fair skinned, sweet, and clumsy. I was born looking like my father, dark, brooding, and athletic. The one-time Anthony tried to be athletic, he broke his hip. He was four and tried to climb a tree. When he fell, everything changed."

"Is that when they found the tumor?"

"Yep. He hadn't really shown any signs, and he also got incredibly sick from radiation and chemo. Papi thinks we are susceptible to the side effects. When I told him how sick I got, he told me about Anthony then."

"Does it bother you?"

She shrugged.

"Not really. I never really had anything in common with him, and now I do."

"Crappy thing to have in common."

"I know, but it is what it is."

"San?" I started to say but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Finishing up in here." She called out.

"Santana, it's Dr. Ramos. Take your time, your parents invited me for lunch, so I'll be ready when you are."

"Thanks!"

"I can't believe she came here for me." I muttered.

San dropped down in front of me, her eyes meeting mine with a glare.

"Listen here, Fabray, this situation sucks ass, but I'm here with you through it. So are my parents, and your mom. You need to let us in. Let love in, isn't that what you always said to me?"

"Yeah."

"Start practicing what you preach, lover."

"Lover?" I grinned.

"Yeah, always and only yours, lover girl."

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried after that.

What a fucking charmer.

MARCH

SANTANA'S POV

I left my family in Lima to fly back to California without much fanfare.

As far as they were concerned, I was meeting my label, but of course I had more than one reason.

My wife was paranoid about me going alone, even though it was just for the weekend, and I was staying with Mercy, instead of Britt.

Since we'd been gone, Mercy had moved from Brentwood and was living in Hidden Hills in a gated community.

A car met me at LAX and I turned off the location on all of my devices, because I didn't need Quinn stress while she was supposed to be recovering from a second surgery to remove the bone spur that had temporarily paralyzed her.

Now that she had the feeling back in her legs, after two months of being confined to that chair, she was anxious to get moving.

She'd even begged me to come on the trip, but I had flat out refused.

Britt met me on the curb, with a cup of coffee in her hand.

She was glowing, and noticeably not pregnant.

We'd been distant since she went through with her abortion, but then she called me, begged me to not skip my appointment, and I relented.

"Hey, Santana!"

"Hi."

"Trade you?" She took one of bags, and I took the cup.

"Thanks."

"The doctors are ready for you."

"Great."

"I got your most recent labs, but I no biopsy since last August…that's changing today."

"No." I tried to be firm, but one look from her, and I sighed. "Fine, but no sharing it with Papi, not until I know the results first."

"I'll let them know, you'll probably need to sign something."

"You're my medical POA, you do it."

"I thought you changed that; you promised you would."

"Don't give me shit, okay. I need to relax, give me Santa Monica Brittany. Not nagging ex-wife Brittany."

"I'm both, deal with it."

I followed her up to the oncology suite, and she held the door open.

Half of me expected my father and Quinn to pop out but there were no surprises.

I endured scans, a full physical, and the fucking painful biopsy, for over two hours before I was finally sitting in a hospital room by myself.

I'd preached to Quinn that I wanted honesty no matter what, and I couldn't ask that of her if I was willing to be in that hospital without her knowledge.

Hey lover!-San

Her response was immediate.

Hey! I tried to track you but couldn't. Not that I don't trust you, because I do!-Q

Wyd?-San

Watching a movie. The kids are in bed, and your folks are out with Judy.-Q

So, you're alone?-San

Yes, love.-Q

I facetimed her, and didn't try to hide the hospital gown or the sticky squares on my chest.

Her face was frozen in a smile as she looked me over.

"I didn't lie. I'm here to meet my label, but Britt made it a point to get me scheduled to see my doctors, and they all insisted on doing the biopsy. So, I did it."

She nodded, with flared nostrils but didn't react right away. Instead, she was calm…eerily calm.

"What other tests did they perform?"

"MRI. PET. CT. and bloodwork."

"A full panel?"

"Yes."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore."

"Where's Brittany?"

"She went back to her office after escorting me here. Today is her lecture day, so I probably won't see her until dinner time. I'm pretty sure she's holding my bags hostage, to make sure I don't bolt."

"Smart of her."

"Yeah."

"I want to be furious with you, just so we're clear."

"I know."

"But I'm happy you got the biopsy."

"Can we keep this from Papi until I get the results?"

"Won't they forward your records?"

"I asked them not to."

"He's your POA."

I sighed. "He's not."

"Then who is? Your mom?"

"No."

"San, I'm trying." She said, her face turning pink.

"It's B."

"Of course, which is why she was able to schedule and consult with your doctors. I can't believe I didn't put it together. You'll be changing that, right?"

"Yes."

"Today?"

"Yes."

"Good. I don't even care if it's not me, just not Brittany."

"Okay."

"How long are you there?"

"I'm getting an iron infusion…apparently it was really low, I can't leave until it's done."

"Have you been going to your appointments here? I know your parents are distracted with taking care of me, but I'd hoped you were still staying on top of your health, Princess." She growled and I squirmed.

I had been incredibly horny, and her speaking in that tone didn't help.

How long had it been since I'd been over her knee?

Years.

Fuck, I missed it.

"Yum." I muttered.

"Santana? Have you heard anything I said?"

I smiled at her, and then there was a knock on the door.

Britt had rushed the results, so I wasn't surprised to see my oncologist.

"Q, the doctor is here."

"Okay, can I listen?"

"I need you."

"Okay, I'm here, S."

"Mrs. Lopez, as of now, you're benign."

I should have felt relieved, but I didn't like his wording.

"You want to take it out?" I asked.

"While it's benign, it's grown nearly double since last year at this time. I'd like to remove it before we can't."

"Fuck."

"I have room on my schedule for tomorrow, can I pencil you in?"

I was stunned and just sat there staring at my wife's face.

She didn't look scared, instead she looked angry. "I need to talk to them, give them permission to talk to me."

I handed my phone over. "That's my wife, she's a doctor, can you talk to her about it. I give you permission to tell her everything. I just, can I have a minute?"

He nodded and took my phone to the other side of the room, murmuring softly with Quinn.

All I could think of was the pain I'd gone through, and how there was no hiding this from my parents.

I didn't want to hurt them.

This couldn't be my story.

They needed a happy ending; I was supposed to be that for them.

A child they wouldn't lose.

I felt like I was letting everyone down.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, crying but Britt was wrapping her arms around me in what felt like minutes.

"Quinn had me paged."

"I want to go home." I whispered.

"To Lima?"

"To her." I said back.

She sucked in a breath. "What about the meeting with your label?"

"I don't want to get surgery here. I want to go home, today!" I snapped.

"Okay, um, I will talk to them. Do you need anything else?"

"Quinn." I said, "They took my phone."

"I'll get it back. Here, hold this."

She slid a tiny little grey duck into my hands.

It was hers from when she was a baby, it used to be yellow but had greyed over the years. B always kept it tucked in her bag, and then her purse. It was her lucky charm. The last time she gave it to me was during my chemo.

I looked down at it and burst into sobs. "Thank you." I blubbered, and she nodded.

"I'll go get things arranged, you hold onto him for as long as you need, okay?"

I nodded and tried to calm down.

But it was fruitless until Britt slid my warm phone back into my hand.

I don't know what kind of magic Britt has, but when I flew home that night, my surgery was booked for two days later in Lima with my LA oncologist.

When I flew into Dayton, it was just after sunrise, but I was met with Quinn's bright eyes and warm smile as I approached Papi's car.

I leaned into the car and kissed my wife with nothing but apologies on my lips.

Papi took my bags from where I'd dropped them on the ground and then opened the back door for me.

I could tell he was furious, but he was silent other than a quick blessing as he kissed my forehead.

As I settled in the back seat, Papi and Quinn murmured quietly to each other, before Quinn flipped down her visor so that she could see my face.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Did you eat before your flight?" Papi asked, and I knew where his line of questioning was going but my eating had leveled out over the years, there was no stopping me for the most part.

"Yes. I had dinner with Mercy and my manager at the airport."

"I got this, Pop." Quinn corrected, and he gave a brief nod before looking at the road.

"What are we eating?" I asked Q, and she grinned.

"Maribel is cooking."

"Is she mad, too?" I asked, even though I knew the truth.

"Nope, she's just happy you went to a safe place, we're the ones with the attitudes." Q admitted.

"Understandable."

"Ask her, Quinn." Papi couldn't manage to keep the growl out of his voice, and it made me cringe to hear it.

"No, Pop. I trust her."

"Even after this?" He argued back.

Quinn shot me a look and then smiled. "Always."

I had a drain this time, and I was happy that Britt wouldn't have to take care of me after.

Quinn was using crutches again but still insisted on being the one to take care of emptying my drain and cleaning my incision.

Her bedside manner was topnotch.

"I'm in awe of you, Luce." I admitted after she lovingly bandaged me up two days after my surgery.

"The feeling is mutual. That lump weighed nearly a pound."

"I didn't notice."

"You'll be able to put your arm down better."

"I was managing."

"You don't need to manage. You are surrounded by doctors."

"Please don't scold me. I'm in enough pain already." I whined.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She said before handing me the small grey duck that Britt had insisted that I hold onto.

"Thanks."

"She had that with her at every cheer competition and kissed it for luck." Q said, and I felt guilty, since I hadn't said anything to her about it.

"I'm giving it back."

"I don't mind that she gave you something to comfort you. I hate what she did to me, but I also appreciate that she's different now. She had ample opportunities to hurt me since then and hasn't."

"And she won't. She knows that to keep me, she has to be kind to you, and she will do anything to keep me in her life."

"I know." Q didn't sound defeated like she used to, she only shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

Maybe, just maybe it finally wasn't.

JUNE

Getting a clean bill of health yet again, didn't put me at ease like it did for my family and friends.

I felt like there was a ticking clock that only I could hear, and it was prompting me to make moves that I had been putting off

First there was our new house in Philly, Quinn's old apartment was a converted townhouse, that the owner had recently had up for sale after converting it back to one home.

I made him an offer well above asking with the request that he make it more handicap accessible.

Without much fuss, he got lifts put in both outside and inside.

I hadn't run that decision by Quinn because it should be a given.

Most houses in the area we wanted were four-story townhouses, and for the money we were spending on it, I needed Q to be able to move about as she pleased.

I was in my office, editing a video for Mercy when Beth came strolling in with a slushie. I cringed when I saw that it was the red flavor, the same flavor that I'd been showered in twice.

"Want some?" She held it out to me.

"No thanks, Kiddo. What brings you to my dungeon?" I said with a cackle, and she rolled her eyes.

"I know I asked for no party this year, but I was wondering if you got my gift yet?"

It was so rare for Beth to ask me for things that I saved and closed my video before giving her my full attention.

"What's up?"

"I want Gabe to come with me for the whole summer instead of for a few weeks."

"That's not a present, Kiddo."

"I know, it's just he and Vinny had so much fun last summer, plus I got to hang out with Alex without Vinny needing attention. It was awesome."

"Have you talked to your uncle about this?"

"That's the catch, he's stationed in Japan right now, so it would just be Titi Lydia and her new boyfriend."

Red flags, immediately.

"Have you talked to your Mama?"

"Not yet, she's always harder to convince, once I get you on my side, she backs down."

"Are you turning me against my wife, Kiddo? Because that's not cool."

"I'm not, honest, I just think it will be good for Gabe to not be with adults all summer."

"I guess, I should let you in on something."

"What?"

"Mercy asked me to record with her this summer, I was going to take Gabe so he could hang out with the boys, where I can see him."

"He's almost six, he's not a baby."

"I'm not even sure I want you spending the summer with some man I don't know, just to be clear."

"He doesn't live there, Mami."

"Call your Titi Lydia, I want to talk to her myself."

"No way, you're going to mess it up." Beth whined.

"Call her, now."

I heard Quinn's crutches coming down the hall and raised my eyebrow at Beth.

"You're going to tell her, aren't you?"

"I sure am."

Beth huffed, and dialed Lydia's number before handing the phone to me.

And that's how Quinn found us, me having a conversation in Spanish with Lydia while Beth sat watching wide eyed.

Lydia admitted that she was getting up the nerve to call and ask if we could skip this summer since Vincent being away.

Apparently, Vinny was going to be visiting her family for the summer and wouldn't be there anyway.

That settled things, I told her not to worry and then ended the call.

"What's going on?" Q asked as I turned to Beth.

"Texas is off. Vinny won't be there, neither will Vincent. Lydia deserves a summer off, so either you stay with us, or you go spend your summer with your Aunt Fran and her hellions."

"Wait, where's Vincent?" Q asked as she sat on the couch with a grunt.

"Tour of duty. He'll be gone for at least 6 months." I said, and Quinn pouted.

"I wish he'd told me. Also, I agree, Lydia can have the summer off. What will it be, Sweets?"

Beth looked like she wanted to cry.

"Will we be in Lima?"

We had been waiting to close on our new house but now it was as good a time as any. "You tell her, Luce."

Q grinned.

"We're moving to Philly, Sweets. We got a house, and that's where we'll be this summer."

"No way! It's actually happening?"

"Sure is."

Beth's face was bright again. "I'll stay and help paint, and shop."

"Awesome, getting the house set up is going to be twice as fun with you there, Kiddo."

Beth kissed my cheek, then Quinn's before skipping out of the room.

"Crisis averted." I sighed, as I turned to my wife. "You look pretty in that dress."

"Thanks. You think she's excited now, wait until she realizes we are moving back to the same place, so she can go back to her old school that she loved so much."

"She's going to freak out. I can't wait."

QUINN'S POV

1st YEAR OF RESIDENCY

AUGUST

Anthony's birthday was the Friday before I officially started my residency at CHOP, for the first time in the history of the Lopez family, no one would be in Lima.

Instead, Maribel arranged for a family trip to Puerto Rico.

We spent two weeks lounging in the sun, while the kids got some culture, since Santana called them honorary Puerto Ricans.

As we neared the end of our time there, I turned to my wife and grinned, but she was fast asleep.

I watched her snore with her arms thrown over her head, even then she was crazy beautiful.

Who could blame me for kissing her?

"What's wrong?" She mumbled.

"Marry me." I said.

"Already did that." She sighed, without even opening her eyes.

"Please? We can have the kids do it. On the beach at sunrise."

"Beth is going to be so mad you woke her up." San said, and I grinned.

"I know."

"My parents will be mad if you don't wake them up."

"Then we will."

"I'll tell my parents; you wake the kids…wake me when it's sunrise."

I kissed her again. "It's sunrise."

"It's not." She opened her eyes finally and looked at me. "It's not."

"I know, but I need you."

Her eyebrows raised. "Yeah?"

"Please, Princess?"

She was alert in seconds, kissing me as her fingers danced into my panties.

I sucked in a breath as she worked her fingers into me, her eyes full of lust as she watched my face.

"You're soaked."

"I know."

"You probably taste so good."

"Try me and see." I flirted, and she nearly shrieked when she pulled her fingers from me and pulled the covers back.

"Say less."

It took two orgasms back-to-back, to get San to convince me to renew our vows alone. So as the sun rose, we walked down to the beach and stood facing each other as the sky was painted in a rainbow of colors.

Fitting.

"I, Santana, take you Quinn to be my lover girl, my wife, my everything, forsaking all others."

"I, Quinn, take you Santana Lopez, to be my Princess, my wife, my one and only, forsaking all others."

"Then by the power vested in me, by the fact that we are already married, I pronounce us still married, now and forever more."

She brought my finger to her lips and kissed the ring that hadn't left my finger in ages.

"I love you, Santana."

"I love you, Quinn."

"Thank you for being so patient and trusting in me these last few years, even when I didn't deserve it."

"It's my honor to take care of you, Q. You and the kids are my world, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

I pressed my hand to her stomach, then smiled at her. "Will you still have my baby?" I whispered.

"Start your residency, let's get the kids settled in their new routines, and then we can start planning our next little one."

"Say less."

I'm not quite sure that my original vows meant as much to me as the ones that I took on the beach that day with just my kids and my love. Something about that trip changed me.

Years ago, when I thought I had lost Santana to Brittany and I was prepared to settle with Noah, I could never have dreamed of the life that I have now. She lifts a part of my soul that should have died ages ago.

1st YEAR OF RESIDENCY

NOVEMBER

While we were living in L.A., Vanessa had moved just across the river to South Jersey, which only put her 30 minutes from our house.

She was working at Cooper Hospital and studying to become a P.A. because apparently being a nurse wasn't enough.

When we moved to Philly, she'd asked to get Gabriel for weekends once or twice a month, and we agreed because she'd never overstepped in the past.

Once her parents caught on that she was seeing Gabriel, they'd been making the trip down to see him too.

Gabriel was impressionable, and San worried about him being taken away by Vanessa or her family, especially since they'd been taking him to the Witness Hall.

Too many times, she came home from dropping him off with tears in her eyes but always brushed it off as separation anxiety.

I was paying attention though, when I wasn't at work, I was checking in on Vanessa and I was asking Gabriel about his time with her.

My giggly, silly boy was never weird about the relationship he had with Vanessa, in fact, he called her his Auntie, which suited me just fine.

San though, was another story.

I had brought home brochures with my IVF benefits, so we could start deciding on our next steps, and was looking forward to giving her something else to focus on, but her eyes glazed over.

"It will happen, Q, just not yet." She'd said but I could see her disinterest, even though it had been her idea.

It made me anxious.

Which was why, I was baking her cupcakes while she was dropping off Gabriel with Vanessa, not only was I getting some much-needed one-on-one time with my Sweets, I was also going to brighten San's mood.

Little did I know that it wasn't Santana's mood I needed to worry about.

"You know there is such a thing as stirring too much, right?"

Even with her snark, a warmth filled me as I looked into those green eyes that reflected mine almost identically.

Beth was glaring at me, and I just smiled softly at her, only I must have stared too long because she rolled her eyes at me and eased the bowl away from my hands.

"Let me finish that for you, Mama." She grumbled, looking very much like a preteen.

How was she 12?

I watched as she scooped the batter into the cupcake pan with that crease between her eyebrows that I used to be corrected for by my mother, but I wasn't going to do that.

We had been distant lately, and I wanted to make sure that it didn't get worse.

"So Mami confessed to me that she's been taking you on spa days and checking you out of school since we were still in L.A." I leaned my hip against the counter and watched in amusement as she froze for a split second of panic before shrugging her shoulders and continuing her task.

"Yeah...so?" She said, her eyebrow lifting.

"Look at me, Sweets." I said nudging her shoulder.

She huffed and turned towards me, her arms crossing her chest in a Santana move. I'll take credit for the cold shoulder, eye rolls, and lifted eyebrows but the arm thing is all Santana.

"Am I in trouble?" She asked, her face a stone-cold mask.

"No. I only brought it up because if you'd let me, I'd like to be the one that takes you out on a spa day once or twice."

She shrugged and as if I barely said anything worth mentioning and turned right back to her scooping.

"Well as nice as that sounds, Mama, that's my thing with Mami, just because you feel guilty now doesn't mean you get to ruin my life. I barely get her to myself anymore with Gabe to contend with, so I'm going to pass on that offer."

"Oh." I sucked in a breath and took the rejection on the chin, I deserved it. I fought to get her back and then pawned her off on Santana to raise. Of course she doesn't want to spend extra time with me, she's not a kid anymore.

"Don't make that face, Mama, it's not that deep okay. You're busy, I get it."

"Well, the offer stands, if you change your mind." I said as I started to walk out of the kitchen to stop my tears, unfortunately, I didn't leave in enough time to hear what she said under her breath.

"Unlikely, Lucy. Don't count on it." She grumbled and I stopped in my tracks, my hackles raised, prepared to tell her off, when a colder voice cut in.

"What shouldn't Mama count on?" Santana said as she closed the door to the garage and stepped fully into the kitchen.

I could see the red rim of San's eyes, but her face was dry as she crossed her arms over her chest and stared Beth down.

The change in Beth was immediate.

Where there was attitude five seconds ago, there was now true panic.

"Nothing, Mami." She said with a shrug. "Chill."

"What did I say about that attitude and shrugging at me?" Santana wasn't even looking towards me for any say, she was on edge.

Beth finished her scooping and let out a heavy sigh.

"I don't know, damn." She said, attitude back in full force.

"You want to look at me when you are being disrespectful?"

Beth turned towards San with her arms at her sides and head kind of bowed as she looked up at Santana.

"She wants-" Beth began to say but San cut her off.

"She who?"

"Mama."

"Oh, so you do know her name then?"

"I'm sorry, Mama." She said to me. "Mama wants to take our spa days away, so I can spend time with her instead...Mama I mean."

I opened my mouth to explain but Santana shook her head.

"Which was my suggestion because unlike you, I am willing to share my time with the people I love."

"So am I!" Beth stomped her foot. "That's why I don't want to lose our time together!"

"Do you not love your mother?"

"Which one, I have like ten!?" She sassed and it was knife in my heart.

"Quinn, the woman who gave birth to you. Do you love her?"

"Of course I do." She sighed.

"So, you were rude for no reason then, which means, you can stay your ass at school every day until you learn some respect."

"What?! No! Mami please, I was protecting us!" She said, slamming her foot down again.

"I don't need you to protect me from your mother! In fact, what I need is for you to stop showing your ass, and act like you have some sense!"

"You first!" She yelled. "So, what Gabe goes to Vanessa, I'm still here. You don't cry when I go to Texas. Maybe show some sense and don't drop him off if you can't handle it!"

"Watch yourself." San warned.

"Or what?" Beth was like me, backing herself into a corner and still fighting. Bad move.

"You're grounded for two weeks, I want your phone, laptop and tablet on this counter in five minutes or else. Go!"

"But..."

"Do NOT make me repeat myself or I will go all Lima Heights on your ass!"

"Fine." She said, glaring at me the whole way out of the kitchen.

"Don't think I didn't see that! You just got yourself another week!" Santana called after her and the growl that followed nearly had her jumping out of her skin.

"A month! Keep pushing me Beth...come on...do something else!" There was silence and Santana seemed satisfied with herself. "That's what I thought."

"Want to tell me what's wrong?" I asked her as she slammed her keys down onto the table and then covered her face with her hands.

"I swear to you, Q, she's barely like that! I don't know what's gotten into her!" Santana said through her hands.

"We both know that this is bigger than Beth. Don't get me wrong, she deserved it, but I know you, Princess, talk to me."

I pulled her hands from her face and looked into her bloodshot eyes; she'd been crying hard at some point, which was clear.

"I don't want to talk about it right now because I won't be able to keep it together when she comes back down here."

"Fine." I sighed, moving to put the cupcakes into the oven." Just know, I'm extremely proud of you for the way you handled her just now, I don't think I could have done it. I feel too guilty for missing so much."

"And she knows that, don't let her get over on you, Q. Beth can be just as manipulative as we were at that age."

"She's barely a teenager, how is that possible?" I chuckled, shutting the oven and then walking back over to her.

She pursed her lips, and I leaned into her, absorbing her kisses and feeling the slight shaking in her body. She looked at me desperately, tears rimming her eyes but did not drop a single tear.

The door to the kitchen swung open and without a word, I heard Beth putting her things on the counter and then she cleared her throat.

"Excuse me, Mama...Mami?" She said, the attitude out of her voice.

I stepped back and watched as Santana became Mami again, strong and steady

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry for how I acted. This move...that school is not the same. Everyone moved on without me." She said through gritted teeth, "It's all so different. I don't have friends, and I barely have you guys, with both of you working and having to make sure that Gabe is okay after school. I just...I'm sorry." She said with tears in her eyes and all I wanted to do was hug her, but Santana put her arm out and stopped me.

"Don't." She growled. "I don't believe you for a second, Beth. Cut the crap."

And just like that, Beth wiped her tears and rolled her eyes...shit...she's worse than me.

"Fine. I just hate not having you to myself."

"Two months, Beth and no winter formal." I said, finally cutting in.

They both looked at me in shock, but I wasn't going to let her play with me.

"Seriously?!" Beth groaned, "This freaking sucks."

"You want to make it three?" Santana asked, seemingly empowered by my parenting.

"NO! I'm sorry. I'll be good."

"Great, clean this kitchen, I want it spotless." San said, and Beth got right to work.

Beth was as quiet as a church mouse as she sat at the dining room table doing her homework, it was two hours into her two-month sentence and not a single trace of attitude was there. At least nothing I could see.

Santana though sat in the living room, a bottle of water in hand as she looked past the movie I had put on at Beth.

"I can't believe you did that." She said, not bothering to keep her voice down." She needed to hear you be tough. She's been going for too long playing us against each other."

"She can hear you."

"I know she can."

"San..."

"No, you don't understand, Beth is reminding me of pink haired Quinn Fabray and as cute as you were...there is NO way I'm letting her become that." Hearing Santana say that brought me back to Beth's comment about which mother...it wasn't a throw away comment...maybe Beth didn't even know what her problem was, but I had some idea.

"But what you need to recognize is that I was like that for a reason...and while I don't like how she behaved. I can understand what it is like to be pulled away from everything you know over and over again."

"Q, she can hear you."

"Good, Beth...come over here...we need to talk."

Beth got up from her place at the table, where her pencil had long been still as she listened to us talk about her.

My sweet girl sat down beside me on the couch, and I turned towards her...my heart open and honest.

"It's time we talked about when I got pregnant with you."

Santana sucked in a breath but stayed silent while Beth, dropped her innocent look and cocked her eyebrow.

"I know the story, you were irresponsible, got drunk and slept with Puck...got knocked up...gave me away...moved on...Mom died, and you got me back, got back on drugs, got better, and here we are. What more is there to know?"

"That's just it, Sweets, you know when I first knew I was pregnant, I prayed it wasn't true, but I refused to get rid of you. Your grandfather...he was abusive to me and Aunt Frannie and your grandmother. He beat us anytime we stepped out of line, and I knew that the moment he knew you existed...he'd hurt me or worse. When he did find out, I was kicked out...but he never touched me again. I became less than the lowest person to him. I loved him so much even when he hurt me, he was never around...he was mean...a selfish bully."

"Oh." She said...still trying to figure out where I was going.

"I have always been like my father. Cold, disconnected, and selfish. I didn't think I was worthy of being your mother and Puck...well, you can see why I didn't want him."

She chuckled and nodded because it had been ages since she'd seen her father. "I know that's right." She whispered.

"Your Auntie Mercedes took me in, her family loved me and fed me. They took me to appointments, introduced me to the wonders of cocoa butter on stretch marks, taught me to cook and how to truly pray...not the scripted Hail Mary's but an open communication with God. They also taught me that you could hear me. That you could feel me. I never stopped talking to you. Loving you...wanting to keep you but knowing that I couldn't give you a life that you deserved."

"And so, you gave me up?"

"Oh baby, when I handed you over 24 hours after you were born it was with shaking hands and a bleeding heart. My body still had milk for you, still felt you even after you were gone. I regretted giving you up, but I knew it was for the best. Shelby loved you."

And that's when the dam broke. I watched Beth's eyes well up over a mother that she barely remembered.

"I miss her." She whispered. "Every day. I'm sorry." The pain in her eyes was genuine, I could see the difference that Santana saw now.

I scooted forward and put a hand on her cheek.

"You don't ever have to be sorry about missing your mom. Shelby will always be your mom. Just like, I will always be your Mama, and she will always be your Mami...together we have more love for you than ever. You don't have to feel like you are betraying your Mami if you spend time with me. Just like you don't have to give up your memories of Shelby to love us."

"You missed me?"

"Every day. In fact, after I had you, I tried to go back to normal...I tried to move on, but I never could. I even dyed my hair pink...got a tattoo...started smoking and doing things that were not good for me and not going to bring you back, I never stopped loving you and I never will."

"Promise?" She asked me and I wrapped her up in my arms.

"I promise."

Later as we lay in bed, Santana laying on her back as I spooned against her, as her long fingers danced up and down my spine...I could tell that her mind was a million miles away.

"Love?" I called.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"I guess." Her hand stopped tracing patterns on my back, instead she rubbed where it usually ached.

"Is it bad?"

She shrugged.

"Gabe didn't want to kiss me goodbye, he barely looked back when I dropped him off."

"Ouch."

"It's killing me that he's starting to change from OUR kid to ours and Vanessa's. It's little things but, they add up."

"I told Vanessa that if we felt Gabriel was getting confused, that we'd cut back on his staying there."

"We may be at that point. I just don't want to rip them away, he sees himself in them."

"I understand why Shelby put a space between me and Beth, it was for Beth but also for me. We may need to do that with V, even if it's just for a little while. Like how Beth goes to see Vincent for Christmas, and summer."

"Yeah."

"What else happened?"

She took a shuddering breath, and tears began to fall.

"One of my old sober buddies, died today. She was my inspiration you know, she'd been sober for ten years...had two kids and then just like that, she went missing. They found her in a crack house, she'd overdosed, they found her with a needle sticking out of her arm. I just saw her last week...we had coffee...she was so good...so clean. I just...what if one of us slips up, Q?"

"You've been sober way longer than you used, S. I think you're going to stay sober forever."

"And you? Don't think I haven't noticed how you can barely walk after one of your 24-hour shifts, what happens when you decide to medicate that pain?"

"I won't. I'm seeing a counselor, and I'm taking adequate breaks."

"It's just that our marriage is just getting back on even footing, Beth is melodramatic and Gabe...he's been really attached to Vanessa since summer...he tells me he wants to live with her. I just...what if I can't hold it together when you're pulling 48-hour shifts?" She said, her voice full of pain as she rolled so she was facing me, with troubled eyes.

I snuggled up closer to her, until my nose was against her neck.

"Babylove, just because she slipped doesn't mean we will. I'm here. I'm not going to let you fall. We will both do whatever it takes. You know that. We are strong together, Santana and believe me, there is NOTHING short of a miracle that's going to tear this family apart. You hear me?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? Do we need to find a meeting?"

"I um...when I dropped Gabe off, I went to one. I needed hope."

"Good. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks babe. I'm proud of you too."