Chapter 69: Neither One of Us (Gladys Knight & The Pips)

2nd Year of Residency

Maternity Leave

OCTOBER

QUINN'S POV

Antonio dropped me back at home and took the duffle back to Santana, telling me that I needed to make sure that Santana came back to more than just a clean room.

So, I took the chastity belt off and felt sick as what was left from Ish dribbled down my leg.

I didn't deserve to see my wife like this.

Instead of wallowing, I took another shower before going back to setting out all the things we'd need for the baby.

At first, I was angry at Antonio for leaving me on my own, on a night that I should be celebrating, but he was right.

I had barely spent time alone in our home, and now I was about to get three whole months of nothing but being at home.

I'd have to confront all the things I had let slip away since moving back home.

While my family celebrated at the hospital, I cleaned the house from top to bottom, before emptying out the refrigerator and going food shopping.

By the time that Antonio came back with Maribel and the kids near ten, I had passed out on the couch.

"Mama?" I heard Gabriel say, before he poked my shoulder. "Are you okay? You didn't come to see the baby."

I sat up slowly, feeling the ache in my hips, and groaning.

When I was fully up, I saw that Maribel was standing just off to the side with her arms crossed, and a look of fury on her face.

She was staring at my neck.

Fuck!

I hadn't put on more make-up after my second shower.

So much for keeping this between me and Antonio.

There was no hiding this now.

"Is that a burn?" Gabriel asked me, and I pulled him in for a tight hug before changing the subject.

"Did you get to hold the baby?"

"Yeah, Mami let me sit in bed with her, and I got to hold Sasha, she's so pretty just like Mami."

Sasha?

We hadn't discussed a name, and I guess Santana had no plans on doing so.

Shit.

"That's awesome buddy. Did you eat?" He nodded and hugged me again. I rubbed his back, and from the look Maribel was shooting me, I knew a talk was coming. "It's pretty late and you have school tomorrow, so go get showered and ready for bed."

"Do I have to go?"

"You do, it's a Friday, so it's only one day. You can handle that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good, give me a kiss." He kissed my cheek and then headed for the stairs.

"See Abuela, she's still a good mom." Beth muttered on her way from the kitchen to the stairs.

"Hold it." I said, finally standing up even though my hips were throbbing. "Am I unworthy of a hug?"

Beth rolled her eyes and hugged me. I was grateful that she was still short enough for me to place my chin on her head.

Her childhood was flying by, and I knew I'd regret not spending more time with my first baby.

I sniffed her head and then rocked her a bit.

At first she was stiff, but then she relaxed. "You don't have to put on a show for them, this won't help." Beth muttered.

"Hey now, you've been doing really well with dropping the attitude, watch yourself." I warned.

She pulled away and looked at me in surprise.

How out of touch had I been that she thought talking to me any way she pleased, was okay?

"Sorry, Mama. It's been a long day."

"Then I guess you should head to bed."

"Right. Goodnight."

"Good night, Sweets."

"I'm surprised you didn't stay at the hospital with her." I said to Maribel before she could say a word to me.

Her eyebrow arched and she smirked, which only could mean that she had the last laugh.

"We left once Brittany got there."

I sank down onto the couch and stared at her in disbelief.

"Please tell me you're just saying that to hurt me. I don't blame you for it, I…I deserve it after today."

Antonio came into the room with his phone to his ear and a smile on his face. "I'll have her call you, kiss the baby for me, and we will see you in the morning. Cuidate, mi amor."

"How did the scans look?" Maribel asked him, and he smiled.

"All clear, no tumors, she is cleared to keep breastfeeding."

I sighed with relief, I knew that San had been worried about being able to feed the baby with her own milk.

"That's great!" I said, and they both stopped smiling, remembering that I was there.

"Mari, I already talked to her. She knows what she needs to do, don't make it worse."

"Our daughter gave birth in a bathtub, alone only to find out that her wife was off fucking someone else. She showed up to the hospital with that giant mark on her neck and dishonored Santana, how can you expect me to hold my tongue?"

"I'm sorry." I said through a fresh round of tears.

"I am not interested in your apologies, you should be utterly ashamed of yourself. You speak ill of your mother and your sister, but you are the worst of them all, and that includes Russell."

Fuck.

I took a deep breath, and rather than make another excuse, I tried to move on.

"I made up the bed in the guest room, the linens are fresh, and I um, I bought your favorite coffee," my voice broke but I kept talking. "Please let me know, if you need anything else, okay? Do you have bags?"

I was ready to do whatever it took to be back in their good graces, no matter how demeaning.

Shit, that's what I did with anyone who challenged me, that's how I ended up in this mess in the first place.

Antonio whispered to his wife, and she deflated, but her voice while calm, was even more terrifying. She stepped closer to me, and didn't blink, "If you step another toe out of line, I will have you committed. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"For everything that she has done, to hurt you and Santana, Brittany is twice the woman that you are. She was on the first flight out here, and do you know how many times Santana had to call her? Hmm?"

"Once?" I whispered.

"That's right, one time. The moment she knew Santana was on bedrest, she kept her ringer on and let her assistant know to find her if she missed a call."

"I'm not surprised." I huffed.

Maribel glared. "I know she hurt you. It was deplorable, but you could still stand to learn a few things from her about loyalty. When I asked her why she jumped on the first plane, she told me that divorce didn't erase her vows to Santana. That's the kind of commitment that I expect from you. I never thought I'd see the day, that I would miss her with Santana. I always thought you were better than this. Clearly, I was wrong."

I never felt so low in my life.

There were so many things that I detested about my mother, but her ability to persevere wasn't one of them.

Even though Maribel's words had cut me deep, I still ushered them to the guest room, with a forced smile on my face.

And then, I went into my bedroom and finished stocking the changing table with diapers and wipes.

I busied myself making the alcove in our bedroom look like the perfect nursery, after that, I stocked up our bathroom with everything Santana's body would need while she healed.

Even though I never got to take Beth home, my mother had done this same thing for me.

And when I had nothing left to do, I took my third shower of the night, before climbing into bed.

I was restless as I built up the nerve to call her, even though it was past midnight.

When I finally grabbed my tablet, it was with the hickey covered up, and my hair pulled back from my face.

I knew that I hid behind my hair when I was ashamed, and that wasn't what Santana needed from me.

And when Brittany answered, looking wide awake, I had to remind myself that she had always been a night owl.

"Hi, Quinn, Santana is in the bathroom, how are you?"

She looked nervous, even though she had no reason to be.

I knew that I was nothing in comparison to her greatness.

Screw how much she'd hurt me, that was ancient history.

"I wish I was there. How is she?"

"She's in love, I've never seen her so focused on anything. The only thing that comes close is when she's with Beth and Gabe."

"Yeah, she's the best Mami."

I smiled, and then I heard mumbling in the background.

"Quinn is on the phone." She said to Santana, then she grinned as she looked back at me, "She's back and be warned she does not want to be here."

"You're damn right I don't, I already did the hard work, why do I need to stay." She grumbled as she took her phone back. "B, can you go find me pudding or something, I need to talk to Q in private."

"You got it." I watched Britt kiss Santana's forehead before she left, and it burned through me.

But I had no right to be jealous.

I stared at my wife's face while she watched Britt leave the room, and then after a long moment when she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she was looking at me.

"Save your apologies, because I don't want to hear them. I've known for a while, and I stupidly didn't call you out when I first suspected it. If I had, the baby wouldn't be here."

I was stunned.

"How long?" I asked and she shook her head before looking away.

"At least since January. Everyone thought I was crazy, even Vanessa, but I know you better than she does."

I bit my lip and nodded. "You do know me best."

"I sent Papi to get you, the moment you said that you had PT, I knew that even after I called you out, that you were still going to fuck up. The question is, why are we doing this, Quinn?"

There was an apology on my lips, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I looked her in the eyes.

"I love you, more than anything."

"Bullshit, try again."

"I…I don't have an excuse. I just know that I don't want to be with anyone else but you. I want our marriage, and our family. Today, I should have been here. There is no excuse. I fucked up, and I'll do whatever you say. If you want to walk away, then I won't stop you. If you want me to be your bitch, and do your bidding, I'll do it."

I'd been pacing our bedroom, as I poured out my feelings, and apparently she'd been paying attention.

"You built the crib." She said, sounding shocked.

"Um, yeah. I know you don't trust my words, so I am going to show you that I'm serious. I started with getting the room ready for you and Sasha."

Her eyebrow arched, and she smirked. "Show me."

I panned the camera around the room, and hovered over the crib so she could see that I made the bed, before sitting down on the bed and looking at her. "Is there anything else that you need for when you come home?"

"Did you clean the bathroom?" She cringed, but that was nothing to be ashamed of.

"I did. I'm in awe of you, if anyone could have kicked ass at that, it was always going to be you."

"As nice as that sounds, it was terrifying. I lost too much blood and could have died. That's why I'm still here, but my numbers are starting to level out. If they are still good in the morning, then I can come home tomorrow."

"Will you be okay climbing the stairs?"

"I think so, I don't have stitches or anything, I just get tired when I walk. You may have to carry me." She smirked, and I grimaced.

"If I try to pick you up, I may end up in a hospital bed right next to you."

"Is your back bad again, is that why you are screwing around, is this about drugs?"

"Knock, knock!" I heard a bubbly voice say. "Someone is a cranky pants and wants leche." Britt showing up right as things were about to get heavy, was right on time.

"Where's my pudding?"

"The nurse is bringing it."

"Thanks, B."

"Still having heavy talks?"

"You came before I started a fight, so no."

I watched them talk just like they used to when they were a two-shot and I was on the outside looking in, and I hated it.

"I'll take your phone while you feed her."

"Fine, but let Q see me, even though she was a giant douche today, she shouldn't miss this moment."

Britt aimed the camera at Santana, as she adjusted the baby on her boob.

"She has so much hair."

"Mami says she is my twin."

"You should let her come be with you tonight, San. I can go to your house or the hotel, seriously, I don't mind."

"No, B. It's killing her that you're here, I need her to feel punished right now. So, you will stay right here, all night just like I asked you to."

"Fine. You don't need me to hold this phone, I'm going to see what's taking the nurse so long."

The phone was passed back to Santana, who rolled her eyes.

"You can't get good vengeance these days. Britt's gone soft." She complained, and I could tell that she wanted things to be normal between us and was conflicted because I had hurt her in the worst way.

"Let's put a pin in our fight, San, not because I don't want to deal with what I did, but because nothing should take your attention away from the baby, not even me."

"You're right."

"So, tell me about her name."

"Her name is Alexandra Vanessa Lopez, but your mother thought it was too long of a name for a baby. When she told me the nickname for Alexandra is Sasha, I thought it was perfect. So, we will call her Sasha."

"You talked to my mom?"

"Yeah, of course. She will be here next week and is excited to meet her new granddaughter."

I wanted to ask what else she'd told my mother, but I wanted to keep a pin in things for as long as possible.

"How did V feel about you using her name?"

"She hugged me really tight and thanked me for giving her a godchild."

"Godchild? Wow, I missed a lot."

"Do you disagree?"

"No. I think that's perfect, Love. Every bit of it."

She looked relieved. "Hold on a sec."

I was staring at the ceiling while she shuffled around, and then she was singing softly to the baby.

My eyes grew heavy as I listened to my wife singing so sweetly.

I'd propped my phone against her pillow while I waited.

Brittany was back, and her voice was too low for me to decipher until she hovered over the screen.

"Taking the baby back to the nursery, and then I'm coming to get you. I already told the nurses you were coming. You should be here, and Santana can't do a damn thing about it."

"Seriously, B?"

"You divorced me, you can't tell me what to do." Britt chuckled when San growled at her.

"Fine, but make sure she brings me something more comfortable to sleep in. I feel itchy."

"That's not your clothes, Santana, that's your anger, it's trying to get out and I don't want to be here when it escapes."

"Hardy Har Har, asshole." San griped, but I was on my feet excitedly gathering things to shove into an overnight bag.

My debt to Britt was becoming bigger every time she went to bat for me, and I was learning to accept it.

She seemed to want my marriage to work more than anyone, and I didn't hate her for that.

By the time that Britt got to the house, I was standing on the front stoop with a bag over my shoulder, Santana's pillow under my arm, and the car seat.

"Are you staying here?"

"No, Santana wants me to drive you to the hospital and make sure you don't make any stops on the way."

"I deserve that."

Her bubbly exterior faded, "What the fuck where you thinking?

"I wasn't."

"Obviously, seems I'm not the dumb blonde in our trinity after all."

"I can't argue with you, there are no words for how badly I messed up."

"Santana has a few, you'll see."

I'd left a note on my room door for my in-laws, not wanting to wake them up for another lecture, but as I started the car, I saw the curtain shift in the guest room.

"Shit." I mumbled and then looked at my phone knowing that it was going to go off any second. "I knew that Maribel wouldn't believe me if I told her, so I nodded to B. "Answer that for me."

She did as I asked, and the lecture died on Maribel's lips when she saw Britt's face.

"I'm escorting her to the hospital, I'm going to hold onto the car until tomorrow, we'll bring Santana home."

"Oh good, don't let her stray to far, Brittany, she's a flight risk."

"Santana already gave me strict instructions, no worries."

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

I drove in silence, trying my best to just be grateful that Santana was letting me come back to spend the night.

Britt was texting as I drove, no doubt updating Santana every second.

As we pulled up, Britt handed me my phone back. "She's watching your location, don't turn it off, just go straight to her room. I'm not coming back in there, I don't think it's necessary."

"Thanks, B."

"I'm staying a block away, I'll take good care of your car, just let me know when you're ready to be picked up. I won't come before then. You two need to talk. Don't bullshit her, she's already on edge. She is sicker than she looks but is getting better."

"Anything else?"

"I asked her again, to take me back…it's like my test to see where her head is, relax, I'm happy with Sam."

"So, you say."

"Anyway, she still wants to be with you. Go in, knowing that the only thing keeping your marriage in the toilet, is you."

"Gee, thanks."

"No problem, now get out, I'm tired."

I went straight to the maternity ward, not wanting to make things worse for my wife.

Once I was outside her door, I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and knocked before pushing the door open.

At first it looked like Santana was asleep, but then I saw that the baby was tucked against her chest. She was so busy singing to the baby that she didn't pay me any mind, and I was okay with that.

There was a cot beside the bed, with fresh blankets and a pillow, and a small grey duck on top.

Fuck Brittany for making me miss her as a friend.

After I put the bag down, I placed San's pillow on top of the cot. "I'll be right back." I whispered, but she still didn't look up.

I went into her bathroom and washed my hands and face, before making my way back to the cot.

My hands were itching to hold my daughter for the first time, but I didn't want to interrupt her bonding time with Santana.

So, I waited.

"Did you bring my toothbrush?"

I hadn't taken my eyes from the baby, but when I finally looked up, Santana's eyes were staring at me.

"Yes, I brought your whole toiletry bag, with the travel stuff you like and your hairbrush, and bonnet."

"Look at you anticipating my needs. Would you mind burping and changing her while I shower?"

"I'd love to."

She waited while I draped a burp cloth over my shoulder before she handed me the baby.

The moment she was in my hands, I never wanted to let her go.

I was in love.

"I can't believe I missed this." I whispered, and San put up her hand to stop me from continuing.

"Not until she's back in the nursery."

"Okay. Do you need any help?"

"No, but I'm going to leave the bathroom door open, just in case I get dizzy. That's been happening all day."

"Are you sure you don't want to wait until they take her?"

"I've waited long enough. Don't worry, I made it this far on my own. I'll be fine." Her words stung, but I didn't react, instead I took pride in the fact that I'd gotten something right when I watched the delight in her eyes as she went through the bag and found all her favorite things.

The baby burped and then squirmed a bit before farting.

"Oh, that's a big one, Nena. Make something really stinky for Mama, I'm counting on you to enact my vengeance." San said, before kissing the baby, and slowly turning.

I reached for her hand, and she froze the moment that I touched her. "Please wait for me, I'll even wash your hair and scratch your head the way you like."

"Q." She said with her head bowed, "Please don't…I can't take you hurting me anymore today."

"I won't. I promise. Please, I don't want you to pass out in there…if you get hurt you'll have to stay longer, is that what you want?"

She shook my hand off and then sat down on the edge of the cot. "Fine. Hurry up."

"Here, snuggle her while I get her bassinet. Maybe we can avoid the big stinky, and let the nurses take care of it."

"You're right. If we're going to pay this place just for giving me fluids, then let them do the cleanup."

I brought the bassinet over, and San placed the baby down, as she rocked her.

"Let's see if I remember how to do this without waking her up."

"Don't you work with babies?" San quipped.

"I don't change their diapers."

"Well, hurry up, she usually poops about twenty minutes after I feed her. It's already been fifteen."

I nodded, and then did the quickest diaper change I could before wrapping Sasha securely in the swaddle.

"I've still got it." I grinned as I hit the nurse button.

San had gone into the bathroom, leaving me to wait for the nurse who came bustling in looking exhausted.

"Is everything okay?"

"Can you take her back to the nursery for the night?"

"We haven't met, are you the other mother?"

"Yes, I'm Quinn. I'm going to get Santana showered and back to bed, is there another vital check soon?"

"This is a formality, her levels are nearly where they should be, we will do another check in the morning."

"Great. Thank you for taking care of our little angel."

She nodded and then wheeled the baby out.

When I turned around, Santana was standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

"That's the first time I didn't hear you boast about being a doctor."

I shrugged and grabbed San's toiletry bag before heading into the bathroom.

She stripped off her gown, and I could see that she still had dried blood on her legs.

"No wonder you feel gross."

"You make sure you tell Brittany that I was right about being itchy."

"I will."

"Good. See, that's what I want when I'm being spiteful. You get it."

"I get spite, too well."

San stood in the shower, getting the water warmed up while I stripped off my clothes.

I didn't realize she was watching me until I stepped in front of her under the water.

When her warm hand touched my left hip, I closed my eyes when I felt the ache.

"This is how I knew for sure. Is he left-handed?"

"How do you know it's a guy?"

"Because you don't cheat with other women. This hand print is too big to be a woman's unless she's trans."

"It's Ish." I said, finally opening my eyes to look at her.

She nodded and then dropped her hand.

"I'm surprised you didn't show up here and make a grand gesture of handing me the key to the chastity belt."

I chuckled. "That was my original plan, but it doesn't carry the same significance."

She raised her eyebrow, and I hated that I needed to be honest with her, but I had to put all my cards on the table while we were away from other people's opinions.

"Why?"

"I…I gave him a key."

"When?" She said, looking so fucking hurt.

"In L.A., right before we left for Lima. It was during our fight, I was being spiteful."

"And he kept it all this time?"

"Yeah."

"So, Papi was right."

"What did he tell you?"

"When I had my suspicions about you, I called him, and he is the only one who believed me. He told me that I needed to confront you about it or trust you."

"You decided to trust me."

"Stupidly, yes, but don't go thinking that we are okay, we are NOT okay."

"Understood. Arms up." I said, as I started rubbing soap into her skin. I had to keep my hands busy, and I knew more than anything she deserved to be heard.

"Papi backed off when I decided to trust you, but when I called to tell them that I had the baby, and that you were nowhere to be found. Mami started fuming while she packed, and Papi walked away to ask the real questions. I told him how earlier this month, you had a hand shaped bruise on your hip, that I was pretty sure you didn't know I saw."

I stopped my hands and looked into her questioning eyes.

"I swear to you, I didn't know you saw anything." I nudged her under the water and stepped behind her when I saw her stumble. "Easy, Princess." I said out of habit.

"Don't you fucking dare call me that. I am not your Princess, right now, I'm barely your friend."

"Right, sorry, it's a habit."

"Anyway," She sighed, "Finish up, I feel like I'm going to hurl."

She was quiet as I massaged shampoo into her hair and reached out to steady herself on my hips when I led her back under the water.

I hissed when she squeezed tighter on my bruises. "Are you squeezing on purpose?"

"I sure am, I pushed a baby out of my body today, you can take it."

I nodded and then began squeezing out her hair before adding conditioner.

She kept her hands on me, and when I scratched her head too hard, she dug her nails into my skin.

"Fuck."

"When Papi told me that your fuckbuddy worked at CHOP, I nearly dropped the baby, I was stunned."

"He told you today?"

"Yeah. My parents got here about ten minutes after you left, I was a fucking wreck, thinking you had gone off to be a slut again."

I gasped when she said that word, thinking of the Ferris Wheel, and what Britt had said. She had been right, even though I didn't want to believe it.

"I went straight home."

"I told my parents that you had a fresh hickey, and that you were sleeping with someone else. I said something like, how does Quinn find these people, and Papi told me that he was pretty sure that it was your old fuck buddy. I started thinking, did you ask him to come, or did he follow you."

"He followed me…well, he came straight here after UCLA, so he's a year ahead of me."

"He came here for you?"

"Yes. Like I told Antonio, I had no idea, if I had known I would have stayed in Lima or gone somewhere else."

"I want to believe you, Q, but I don't know how anymore."

Once I finished rinsing her hair, I shut off the water and she looked at me like I was crazy.

"What's wrong?"

"You didn't clean yourself, I bet you fucked him today, have you even showered?"

"This is my fifth shower today, San. I'm clean."

"Was one of them with him?"

"Yes."

My face snapped to the side when she slapped me with her damp hand. "You bitch."

She started to storm away from me but lost her footing. I wrapped my arms around her and got her steady, before she slapped my hands away.

I wanted to break apart, but instead I rubbed lotion into her skin before helping her get dressed.

By the time we were back in the room, she hated me even more, but I could tell she felt better.

My face ached as I pulled on my pajamas, but I knew better than to make a big deal.

SANTANA'S POV

You up?-San

Yeah, are you okay?-Britt

Tell Dr. Brooks, that if she loves her grandson, she'll bring him back to UCLA.-San

She admitted it was him?-Britt

Yes. I slapped her, and she was still sweet. I hate her so much right now!-San

More than me, when you found out what I did?-Britt

I sat staring at the text and then looked over at my wife who was passed out on the cot. She'd fallen asleep with her back to me, but had turned over at some point and I could see just how hard I'd slapped her.

Even after she broke me again and was fucking that asshole while I was in labor, I still didn't feel the hatred that I did when I found out Britt had assaulted her.

No.-San

And you're sure you don't want to leave her for me?-Britt

Definitely not.-San

Ouch.-Britt

Sorry, not sorry.-San

How many chances does she get?-Britt

I have no idea. Papi said he saw her, and she looked terrified of him. I don't feel like she's doing this because she wants, B.-San

I had been watching Q, when I saw her flinch in her sleep, then she whimpered.

"Q?" I called out to her, but she didn't wake up.

"Please, don't. Please?" She begged as she curled up.

At one point when I was, you know, hurting her, she gave up and let me do what I wanted. I think you might be right.-Britt

See, you are just making me give her more chances. I'll see you in the morning.-San

Right, we don't talk about that. Get some rest.-Britt

"Q?" I called her again, when she started crying. It was breaking my heart and making my boobs hurt. "Baby please?" I said a little louder, fed up with her not waking up, I threw my pillow at her.

"What's wrong?!" She said, sitting up slowly.

"Come sleep with me."

"Am I allowed?"

"Since when do you care about doing what you're supposed to be doing?" I had been teasing her all night, but not once did she find humor in anything I said, which was making me more worried than angry.

We'd been here before. I had video evidence of him trying to go into our house, and her denying him.

It was clear to me that she was afraid of him, but this wasn't because she was addicted because she seemed sober most days, so she must be fucking him for another reason.

And I was going to get to the bottom of it.

Once Quinn was by my side, the torment on her face settled.

"I need to know why you are doing this, Q."

She yawned and then caressed my face. Her eyes were glassy, as she smiled. "Blackmail." She said, with serious eyes. "I am still paying for things I did while I was high, and I'm so tired, Princess." She whispered. "All I want is you."

Even though she'd slipped up and called me Princess, I let it slide.

My feelings were all over the place, and I couldn't fully blame it on the hormones.

She was throwing me for a loop.

"You have me, let that be enough. I'm begging you, Quinn. I can protect you, and I'm not the only one who will."

"If I don't do what he wants, I go to jail. At least this way, I get to be with you."

"But you're not with me, don't you get it. When he is running things, you are not mine. He marks you, he hurts you and sends you back to me damaged."

"I'm not damaged." She snapped, and God the fire in her eyes was enough for me to close the gap between us and kiss her hard.

She whimpered as I bit her lip before pulling back. "I need you to remember that. I hate it when you act weak and submissive. It's so unattractive."

"I don't like it either, but I'd rather let people have what they want, then to fight. I've been fighting my whole life, San. I'm tired."

"Are you still in love with me, Quinn? Be honest."

She looked offended.

Good.

"I've always been in love with you, Santana Lopez, and that's never going to change."

"Then for Christ's sake, I need you to put me before him. If you go to jail, then we will make it work, but the way things are going, I don't know how much longer I can exist on your love."

"Say less."

I thought I'd gotten through to her.

We went home like a happy family, and I told my parents to give us space to figure out our marriage, so they didn't bring up what she'd done.

Everything was about getting Sasha acclimated to our home, and keeping our existing kids happy, so they knew they weren't being replaced.

I was exhausted, but not as much as I could have been if Quinn hadn't been around.

She made sure I pumped milk, so that she could take the night shift with the baby while I slept.

It felt like we were doing better.

When I woke up on my birthday to breakfast in bed, flowers, and gifts from Q, I let myself believe that she was finally choosing me.

Two days.

That's how long my delusion lasted, before I was back to feeling like shit on her shoe, and honestly anyone else wouldn't have noticed, but I knew Quinn better than anyone.

My parents had gone back to Lima to pack more clothes, before they'd fly back to Philly with Judy, and the kids were in school. It was our first day alone with the baby, and Quinn was sweet all morning.

I could see the nervousness in her every action, and then her phone chimed. Her body went stiff, and then she smiled at me.

And I waited.

This was her first real test of honesty, and I was hoping to God she didn't fail.

But she swallowed hard, before picking up my dishes from breakfast off the dresser.

"I'm going to the store, I'll pick up lunch. Are you craving anything?"

This wasn't the first time she'd left to grab food, but it was the first time she looked close to panicking.

"You should have had PT last night, right?" I asked, raising my eyebrow while watching her manic expression.

"Uh, yeah. I didn't go."

"Quinn, if you go to him right now, and put him first, you can forget about me trusting you ever again."

"I'm not." She said, looking defiant now.

"Then why are you panicking? Hm?"

"Did you tell Dr. Brooks, about me and him?"

"What?"

"She's here and wants to see me."

"So, you're just gonna go?"

"I'll be 20 minutes, I told her to meet me down the street at the corner store. I'll come right back. You can watch my location."

"20 minutes, not a second more."

"Okay."

I paced our bedroom with the baby tucked against me while I watched her phone move.

Down the street, to the store, completely still for ten minutes, and then she was moving back towards the house.

I stood at our bedroom window and looked down at the pavement.

She was brushing her fingers through her hair and mumbling to herself as she got to the door.

And when she finally made it to the room, I looked at her for signs that she'd lied.

Her nervousness had vanished, replaced by the smell of smoke.

"You stink." I barked at her, so flustered that I couldn't think straight.

"They were smoking by the door, sorry."

Sasha was fast asleep, so I tucked her in the bassinet before grabbing the monitor and walking to the bathroom.

"Let's shower."

"Still feeling woozy, Love?" She asked as she closed the door.

Once we were shut in that room, I could smell it.

Smell him.

"Strip." I growled at her, and the nerves were back.

She took off her clothes, starting with her socks and pants, because that's not suspicious.

I felt fucking crazy.

When she was standing naked, I stepped closer to her, backing her up against the door until she couldn't move.

"San, what's wrong?"

"You smell like him." And then something dawned on me. "Has he been in this house?"

Her eyes were wide now, and then they got glassy. "Just once, but we didn't do anything. He was bringing me home. I fell at work, and he was making sure I was okay."

I wanted to slap her, but I gripped the counter instead. "And did you see him just now? Don't you dare lie."

"She brought him, we weren't alone for a second. I'm sorry."

"I'm done, Quinn. I can honestly say that I don't love you anymore. I don't even like you right now."

"San, what are you saying? Please don't leave me, please?"

"I'm not, but we're not together. Not anymore. I can't stress myself out over you. When our parents go home, you find somewhere else to sleep. Right now, I fucking need you, but I don't want you. He can have you."

"You don't mean that."

"I've never meant something more. Take a shower, I may not be able to ban you from my baby, but I sure enough can keep smoke away from her."

"She's my baby too."

"Barely. They are all my kids, you just live here, like a fucking squatter."

"Wow. So, what, are you saying you're a single mother?"

"I've been one for years, you're a deadbeat just like Russell. I'm just waiting for you to abandon me like he did to you." I snapped and waited for her to become enraged, but instead, she got docile. "

I hated the sickly sweet look on her face. "Be careful what you wish for." She muttered ominously, before climbing in the shower without another word.

SIX MONTHS LATER

2nd Year of Residency

SANTANA'S POV

APRIL

We'd had a good run, but six months of breast feeding seemed to be ending when my boobs stopped working.

"Please stop crying baby, I'm so sorry."

Sasha was bathed, had a clean diaper on, but was crying now that I was pressing a bottle to her lips instead of my boob.

I'd been breastfeeding her since the first moment she latched on in that bathtub.

We'd been through a wild ride, me and her but this one wasn't so much wild as it was frustrating.

"Mami?" Beth poked her head through the doorway looking as exhausted as I felt.

It was the middle of the night, and the kids were headed back to school the next day after being off for spring break.

They should be able to sleep, especially since Sasha had already been around for six months, they were used to her.

But lately, things with her have gotten harder with my body not cooperating with what I needed it to do.

I was crying as I held her screaming body, feeling so fucking helpless.

"Take her!" I cried and Beth didn't hesitate as she strode into the room and took her sister into her arms.

It was like magic.

Sasha immediately calmed down, going from screams to whimpers in a matter of seconds.

"Turncoat." I grumbled as I handed Beth the bottle.

She sat in the rocker across from the bed and began to talk sweetly to the baby as she tried to get her to eat.

It had been days since my breasts just went and stopped producing.

And I had tried everything to make milk happen, but nothing was working.

The doctor had said my ducts were probably blocked.

His nurse said it might be something more, and I prayed to God that the cancer hadn't come back.

Anything but that.

Whatever was going on with my boobs, I knew for sure that it was way too painful to even try and let her latch on.

I had an appointment the next morning but for now, I just needed her to eat.

After what seemed like an eternity, Beth had finally succeeded.

Beth sang softly to Sasha as she rocked her to sleep, and I instantly started to feel better.

Finally.

I thought nothing of it as they gave me ultrasounds and then gave me a prescription to help the letdown.

My body and mind were so tired, I just needed some relief...some help.

When I got home, Sasha was once again trying to squeeze my boobs, but I redirected her.

Each time I kept her from my boobs, she looked betrayed.

It didn't help that Quinn seemed to sink deeper into whatever haze she was under once I told her she was like her father.

She played her role while our parents were around but once they were gone, it was like sleeping next to a stranger.

It wasn't long before she'd just stopped trying to touch me or the baby, since I didn't want her grimy hands polluting our daughter.

My hormones had taken over back then, and while I had every right to be angry with her, her indifference was worse than her cheating.

No longer was she hiding her 'PT' sessions, or that she was clearly numbing herself, we were broken, and I knew that the last thing I could trust was her support.

So, when Q came home early that morning after working a double and barely spoke to me, even though I was sitting there changing a diaper, I wasn't surprised.

The problem was that right then I needed her more than anything. She was the person that I wanted to talk to about this, I needed her help.

History seemed to be repeating itself though, once again, when I was facing the very worst, she was nothing but a vacant husk.

She showered, then kissed the baby's face before laying down beside me and passing out before I could get a word in edgewise.

I don't know what she took, but even when the baby began screaming, Quinn didn't flinch, she was dead to the world.

My eyes were heavy as I fed Sasha, who was at least taking the bottle without much fuss.

Maybe she sensed the tension in the air.

I put Sasha in her crib and then crawled back into bed, hoping to get some sleep next to my wife, which was a rare occurrence these days.

Quinn drooled onto her pillow, and when I poked her she didn't even flinch, so I knew I was safe to explore.

When I pulled up her shirt, I could see bruises of all shades, always in the same spot…her hips and thighs.

My wife's body was no longer mine, and I was beginning to wonder if it had ever been.

This was the only time I felt at liberty to touch her, so I smoothed her hair back from her face, and kissed her cool skin.

She smelled like herself again, and I wanted to wrap myself in her, but I resisted. I settled, instead for backing up against her, and pulling her arm around me.

It wasn't long before her subconscious kicked in and squeezed me tighter as she nuzzled my neck. Being in her arms gave me a sense of comfort that I had been missing for months.

More than anything, I needed to fix things between us, but I felt like we were past the point of no return.

I needed a sign that she still wanted me before I opened my heart to her again.

My eyes had started to get heavy when the phone rang.

Quinn grumbled in her sleep and slapped the night stand, trying her best to turn off the nonexistent alarm.

"Hello?" I whispered as I climbed out of the bed and went into the bathroom.

"Mrs. Lopez?"

"Yes."

"The doctor would like you to come back today for a follow up."

"Seriously? Can't she just talk to me over the phone?"

"Unfortunately, no, can I schedule you for mid-morning or afternoon?"

"I guess mid-morning is fine." I grumbled.

"Okay, we will see you around 10:30, is that alright?"

"Yeah."

"Great. See you then."

I hung up, feeling annoyed that I had to go all the way to Broad Street in the middle of an April downpour.

And even though Quinn was home that day, I knew that there was no way I'd feel comfortable leaving the baby.

Not with her habit of zoning out and ignoring everything around her.

But I still tried.

God knows I tried to wake her and ask but she was basically comatose.

I pushed Sasha's stroller through the rain and made it inside just as the rain slowed to a drizzle.

Where did you go?-Q

I sighed, as I looked at Quinn's text, and wished that she'd woken up sooner.

Doctor appt.-S

Still don't trust me with the baby?-Q

I tried to wake you up.-S

Sure.-Q

I'm sorry. I wish you were here with me.-S

Because that's all I'm good for, right?-Q

What?!-S

Forget it. I woke up to have breakfast with you and Sasha. Will you be back for lunch?-Q

I should be.-S

Okay. See you then!-Q

I didn't like the way she was speaking over text, it felt like we were headed for another fight, and I didn't have the energy to deal with it.

That's the only reason I made the next move, I felt like I didn't have a choice.

"Hey there, San!" Britt sounded so bubbly, and it made me smile.

"Hey."

"Uh oh, I don't like that sound."

"I think I may need you to visit me soon."

"Will Quinn be okay with that?"

"I don't give a fuck, I need you, B. Please?" I squeaked, and she immediately tried to FaceTime but then my name was called. "B, I gotta go. Just come. I'll deal with Quinn." I said, before ending the call.

Sasha was curled up in her stroller, passed out while I sat waiting for the news.

I gripped my vibrating phone in my hand, and when I saw Britt's picture, I answered the call.

She was looking at me with worried eyes, and I knew better than to lie.

"Is it back?" She asked, and I shrugged.

"I got scans yesterday, they called me back today. The milk won't come out. My tits are swollen, and Quinn's so out of it, that I couldn't leave the baby with her, so Sasha's here with me." I blurted out, and Britt's nostrils flared.

"Can I stay on the phone, so you aren't completely alone?"

"Yeah."

There was a brief knock on the door, and then I saw my most recent oncologist come in with my OB, and my heart sank.

He began his explanation as my OB sat by my side, holding my hand.

"Did you say tumors, as in multiple?" I asked, feeling sick to my stomach as I looked down at my sleeping baby.

I could feel Britt's staring at me as the doctor showed me the scans.

There were multiple white blobs, and I turned the phone so Britt could see. She gasped, and I swallowed back my fear.

They could be benign.

Please God, let them be benign.

"I'd like to get them biopsied as soon as possible."

"How soon?"

"If you're willing, we could do it within the next few days."

"And I guess I can't bring the baby."

"That would be wise. You may also want to bring someone for support."

"I can be there tomorrow night." Brittany said, and the doctor nodded.

"Then we will get Santana scheduled for two days from now, in the meantime, while you won't be able to breastfeed, we can drain the milk from your breasts for you."

"God yes, I feel like I'm going to explode."

"That will only get worse I'm afraid, until the milk dries up. If the tumors grow and shift, that will of course intensify your discomfort, which is why I'd like to take care of this right away."

"But they could be benign?"

"Possibly but we won't know until we get in there."

Once the doctor's left, I let the tears flow, and Britt closed her eyes and mumbled prayers before asking the one thing I didn't want to discuss.

"Is she fucking up again?"

"Yes."

"Have you confronted her?"

"No. I can't fight her right now. It's clear to me that she's going to do it no matter where we are, and what's going on. I can either accept it or leave her, and right now, I need her, even if it's in bits and pieces."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Please, B…I can't do this alone."

"And you won't."

"You are a fucking godsend, Puckerman." I said to Jake that night, after asking if he could take all three kids that weekend, and he immediately agreed. I hadn't left Sasha with anyone yet, but I trusted Kitty and Jake more than anyone else.

I knew that with Beth around, my baby would be in safe hands.

When I got home about an hour before the kids were out of school, the lunch hour had flown by.

A cold sandwich was on the table, wrapped up with a note.

I tried to wait for you. Hope the appointment was okay. I went to PT (the real one)! The kids have afterschool stuff, I'll pick them up on my way home. See you tonight!-Quinn

I felt a pang of guilt because she'd waited for me, even though we'd been at odds she was obviously still trying.

Just to prove myself right, I checked her location and was happy to see that she was exactly where she said she'd be, with her real physical therapist.

I'm sure she was still checking my location, but I didn't have anything to hide.

Yet.

Once Britt arrived, it would be a different story.

I was trying to figure out how best to do this, when Britt called me.

"Hey, did you book your flight?"

"Actually, Dr. Burton asked for you to come here, so he can oversee your care himself."

"I can't fly to L.A. anymore, I have a baby. Quinn will fight me on bringing her with me."

Britt mumbled something, and I knew that my oncologist was in her office.

"He offered to come to you."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. We'll fly together, split a hotel, that way you have more than just me."

"Are you sleeping with my oncologist, B?"

"No. I love Sam, we are friends."

"Promise me."

"I swear on a stack of breadsticks, I'm being professional."

"Okay, then bring the doctor, you're right, I'd like Dr. B to be there."

"Both of us."

"Yeah, yeah, you have a Ph.D., you just love to bring that up, don't you?"

"Sure do. Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure." She sang, and I felt like weeping.

"Thanks, B."

"That's what friends are for." She crooned.

"Okay, dork, I'm hanging up now."

"For good times, for bad times, I'll be on your side, forever more!" She sang before the call ended, and God did it feel good to laugh.