Chapter 70: This Is Me Trying (Taylor Swift)
2nd Year of Residency
QUINN'S POV
MAY
"I swear she did this so that I'd start touching her again. I can see how much she regrets what she said to me. I can tell that she wants me, but I'm just a dead beat. Since that's what she really thinks, I'm just going to keep being one until she sees just how much I do." I bitched about Santana to Asha, who was mindlessly picking at her salad.
"So, you're being spiteful?"
"She thinks I don't want her, even though she's the one who told me that she doesn't love me anymore. I numb myself just to exist in that house without forcing her to submit. It's torture, but it's what I deserve."
"You're unbelievable, Quinn."
I rubbed my temples as we sat in the hospital cafeteria.
Asha had been back in the States for a few weeks, choosing to pick a hospital in Philly, since it was close to me and Vanessa.
Little did she know when she moved here, that Vanessa and I hadn't really spoken since my daughter was born.
V had chosen Santana's side, and didn't seem to care that she was my friend first, not San's.
I could see that I was bringing Asha down, and I hated myself for it, but she was the only friend I had left.
"Why do you say that?"
"Your wife, who survived breast cancer, got her implants removed and you're upset about it. I happen to recall when you asked for me to help convince her to get them out a few years ago."
"I know."
"It's healthier overall for her to have them out while breastfeeding anyway, you know."
I sighed, "I know, Asha, okay. I just need you to be on my side."
"Don't get bratty, Shona. This isn't about sides, you're a doctor, and you took an oath."
"I know."
"You're being petty because she hurt your feelings, what was it, eight months ago?"
"Something like that."
"Do you think your actions hurt her less than her words hurt you?"
"No. I definitely hurt her more."
"Past tense right?"
"Sort of." I shrugged.
"What does that mean?"
"He is in Cleveland, but he's come back every other week to check on his business."
"And you've gone to him."
"Yeah."
"Tell me again, why you're mad that she needs you right now?"
"Because she cringes when I touch her or the baby. She hates me until she needs me, it hurts."
"If she truly hated you, wouldn't she have just gone to Lima or L.A. to recover? Or even called her ex to come take care of her?"
"I hate when you rationalize my hurt feelings. It's rude."
"Do you want to stay married to Santana?"
"More than anything."
"Then I suggest that you take some time off and tend to your wife. Show her real attention, even if she makes faces at you. Rise above, every crack in your marriage is one more point in your tormentor's favor, is it not?"
"I never thought of it like that."
"But you see it now, right?"
"Yes."
"Good. Now, take me to a food cart that serves meat, this salad is subpar. I need real food."
"Over being a vegetarian?"
"Goodness, yes! Kavi has been sampling fish and chicken, I think I may have brought her over to the dark side."
"You corrupted her?"
"Absolutely."
"When I figure out how to fix my marriage, maybe you can help me fix things with V next."
"Oh no, that is something I will not do. I have two friends in this country, and I will not get in between them. I told her the same thing. The only advice I can give you, fix things with Santana and I have a pretty good feeling that Vanessa will follow suit."
"Anyone ever tell you that you're a know it all?"
"You love me for it, admit it."
"Right again."
Once I got Asha something more filling, we walked back to CHOP so I could grab my bag. I didn't think my resident director would give me time off since I had just come back from maternity leave in January, but one quick text, and she gave me a week off.
I had no excuse.
I didn't know the details of San's surgery, I had only found out about it that morning when Vanessa showed up to drive San to the surgery center.
Beth was spending a week in New York with Rachel and wasn't around to help but Vanessa insisted she'd be fine with Gabriel and Sasha while she waited for San to be finished.
My first thought was to go home and wait for them to come back, but since it had only been three hours since I'd gotten to work, I was pretty sure it would be a while yet.
San had her location turned off, but Vanessa didn't.
There was no need to go home, the surgery was happening a few short blocks away, I could be there in less than 5 minutes.
If Asha didn't have to get back to work, I would have begged her to come with me, but I had to do this on my own.
I drove through the parking garage until I found Vanessa's car and parked as close as I could to it before heading inside.
I saw Gabriel first, he was sitting next to Vanessa, with his headphones on and was watching something on his tablet. I leaned over his chair and kissed his face. Sasha was no where in sight.
His eyes lit up, and he pulled me into a tight hug. "You came."
"How long has she been back there?"
"Two hours."
I ruffled his curls and then sat across from them, delighting in the way that Vanessa looked shocked.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to support my wife. Where's Sasha?"
"With Brittany, she took her to the kiddie museum."
"You must be joking."
"Nope, and she's keeping her overnight."
"At our house." Gabriel corrected. "Everyone is staying at our house to support Mami. Will you be home, Mama?"
"Yup. I took the week off."
Vanessa looked so surprised.
"You did?"
"She's my wife, I will be there."
I don't think Vanessa believed me, and right then, I didn't give a fuck.
Actions were what the moment called for, and I was up for the challenge.
It took Asha coming all the way from India, to get me to see reason.
Go figure.
It took anesthesia to get Santana to finally apologize and it didn't feel half as good as I thought it would.
Before she came out of surgery, I asked Vanessa to take Gabriel out while I got Santana settled. Even though V and Santana were now buddies, I knew that she hadn't really had a lot of opportunities to spend alone time with Gabriel.
"Here's my credit card. Take him anywhere you want within reason."
"She'll be upset if I leave."
"You've seen people post-op, do you really want him to see her like that? He worships her, and she's not going to be herself. He cries when she's sick, do what's best for him, V."
She glanced at our shared son and then nodded. "Fine, but you treat her right, Q. No leaving her to go to the store, or whatever the fuck you do to go get your dick fix."
"Ew."
"I'm serious. There is no reason that Santana should have felt the need to call in me and her ex-wife to take care of her and the kids, when you live in the same house."
"I hear you, V. Look at me, I took off work and I showed up, even though you two sprung this on me at the last minute."
"Right, I can't deny that this is pretty chivalrous."
"Damn right it is."
I hugged my son tightly, making him promise to be good, and he whispered a quick thank you to me before taking Vanessa's arm in his.
They looked like twins, and it made my heart happy.
I only had to wait for another ten minutes before the nurse came to get me.
And when I walked back to the recovery area, my wife was sitting up with her eyes closed.
"How'd everything go?"
"One of the implants was becoming impacted, but we were able to get it out without much trouble. She has two drains, the nurse will give you instructions on cleaning them."
"Thank you."
San seemed to like when I didn't tell people I was a doctor, and since she was within earshot, I just listened to the doctor, and then nurse tell me everything I needed to do to take care of her.
Once we were alone, San opened her eyes and stared at me with scrunched up brows.
"I lied. I do love you, it just hurts so much." She whispered.
"I know, Princess." This time when I called her that, there wasn't rage, she just smiled smugly.
"Mi Reina." She giggled. "I'm so sorry, please don't leave me anymore. I can give you more than him. I can give you what you need. I'm sexier."
"You are everything, Santana, and I love you forever, Princess."
"I can die here, Q." She mumbled, and it struck me with fear.
I now knew that the last time she'd alluded to dying it had been in L.A. when she was battling cancer.
"Is your cancer back, San? Is that why you did this?"
"No. Shh, nobody understands. I'm better, don't leave me, I'm not broken no more." She said, not making much sense.
"I'm going to take care of you, okay. I'm going to make sure you heal, and you don't get sick again, okay?"
"You love Sasha too?"
"Of course I do. I love her so much!"
"I'm itchy." She grumbled. "Need sleep."
She was like dead weight as I managed to get her into her clothes, and she wouldn't stop giggling.
Once I got her in the car, she fell asleep again, but not until she put her hand on my thigh.
There were no angry glances, or mean words, just sweetness.
I'd missed us like this.
We had to get ourselves back in sync, I just wasn't sure how to do that.
Moving hadn't worked.
The new baby hadn't worked.
Renewing our vows didn't work.
Everyone kept telling me that our marital issues were my fault.
But it had been Santana who'd been trying to fix us, not me.
That had to change.
Santana woke up in the middle of the night, fully coherent, looking panicked and shook me even though I was already awake.
I normally would be so high, that no matter how much she shook me, I wouldn't move but I was sober, and on high alert.
"Lay back down or you'll tear your stitches." I said, as I got to my knees and helped her lay back against the pillow mountain I'd made her.
She looked like a caged animal. "Where's my baby?"
"With Brittany across the hall."
She was stunned. "You let her come here?"
"I did. If I'm going to be taking care of you, I needed some backup, so I asked for help which is why Gabriel will be spending a few days with Vanessa."
"But what if she runs away with him?"
"She's not going to do that."
She nodded, and finally she relaxed. "You're sober."
"I am."
"And you're touching me." I had been hovering over her, rubbing her arms for the last few moments, watching as her body relaxed.
"If it's okay with you, I never want to stop."
"What about PT?" She said her lips curled up in disgust.
"I'm going to admit to what I did and hope that my mother and sister don't turn me into the cops."
"Can I know?"
I sighed. "Ish helped me find a lawyer who was dirty enough to forge my father's will, so that I could get a cut of the family trust, then I destroyed the original. I was going to pay him out of whatever my cut was, but then it got stalled when Fran filed an appeal. So, to keep him from snitching on me, I…I let him do what he wanted to me."
"You sacrificed our family for money?" She tried to move but then hissed. "Fuck, it hurts."
"They gave you painkillers, do you want them or just ibuprofen?"
"Why?" She said, looking at me with fresh tears.
"Because you're hurting."
She shook her head. "No. Why did you not put us first? Forget about me, how could you put Beth in jeopardy? She's old enough to understand what's going on, Q. She's not stupid, she has already asked me if we have an open marriage and if you were back on drugs."
My heart sank.
"I took you for granted. I wasn't thinking about you or our kids. I was being selfish."
"That's the first real thing you've said to me. So, tell me, why are we back in this situation?"
"Like I told you before, I put this in motion when I was on drugs back in L.A. When we moved here, I nearly quit my job when I saw him."
"But you didn't."
"No. I was so ashamed of what I did in L.A. and here he was, back in my life."
"We've been here for two years. How could you keep this from me, that long?"
"It wasn't that long. I held him off for a long time, but then he started getting me shut out of rooms that I wanted to be in. He's my superior, he was making residency even harder, then he started threatening me, I caved."
"Instead of coming to me."
"It was dumb."
"No, it was reckless."
"You're right."
"I'm always right, which is why you should have come to me."
"I won't make that mistake again."
She huffed, "I'll believe it when I see it."
"I'll do anything to make it right."
"You can start by staying sober at home."
"Done, what else?"
"Tell me you forgive me for calling you a deadbeat. I was really hormonal, and felt so dejected, I wanted to say anything that would hurt you."
"You succeeded."
"Too well, it was torture not having all of you. I'll never call myself a single mother again, now that I know what it's like, clearly I was taking you for granted too."
"I forgive you, San. Nothing you can say, will be worse than what I did."
"You got that right."
SANTANA'S POV
JUNE
"You said taking the implants out would help." I sat completely still in my oncologist office six weeks after my surgery, to see if the calcifications that they originally thought were tumors had morphed into something greater.
Dr. Burton had flown from L.A. to consult with my Philly oncologist on my case and explained that the calcifications were a result of past trauma but were benign and non-surgical.
When I asked if I should just take my implants out, they both agreed that it would help them see any new developments easier.
They'd been right unfortunately, because on the morning of Beth's 14th birthday, I was staring down a malignant tumor that was going to be shrunk with chemo and radiation before they took it out.
I was still healing from my surgery, going in now would risk my breast tissue.
"Santana, we caught this early, had you not gotten the implants removed, we wouldn't have scanned you again for six months, by then this would be much further along.
"Is it stage 1 again? I've been through that…it sucked, but I survived."
"Yes."
"Just cut my tits off, I'd rather that then having to go through this again and again. There's only so much I can take.
"Because of your surgery, and the size of this tumor, we wouldn't be able to perform a mastectomy right now."
"Just tell me what I need to do. Let's kick this thing."
I checked the time as I hustled to the bakery that served the best chocolate cake I'd ever eaten. Beth had requested a little party, at home, just our family.
Quinn and Rachel had taken Beth out to a spa, while my parents, Judy, and Fran decorated the house together and waited for Vincent and Lydia to arrive.
My only job was to grab the cake on the way home from my appointment.
I felt exhausted, but I'd been down this road before.
Heading home, should be there in a half hour. How was your appointment?-Q
Is Beth near you?-San
No, she is trying on clothes. What's up?-Q
Walk away and call me, I'm about to drive.-San
My phone rang 30 seconds later, and I fought back tears.
It had only been a month since Q had made her declarations of commitment, and while I was still skeptical, she'd given me no reason to doubt her.
She was responsive instead of distant, and it made me so happy.
"I asked Rachel to grab more clothes for Beth to try on to buy some time. Tell me what happened?"
I hadn't told Q that I was going to my oncologist, I just said it was a follow-up for my surgery, but from the sound of concern in her voice, she obviously had an inkling of what was going on.
"Stage 1. It's too big to take out, I need to do chemo and radiation again possibly two rounds this time, but we caught it early. One of the larger calcifications developed into something more."
"What calcifications?"
I sighed, she'd been so out of touch with my life. "Last month when I had that appointment, remember I got caught in the rain?"
"Yeah, I'd waited for you, but you weren't home."
"Exactly, my milk stopped coming out, they thought it was blocked ducts, but they did scans and I had ten calcifications. My oncologist flew out from L.A. and confirmed they were benign. They told me that getting my implants out would help."
"And it didn't."
"Well, my doctor was going on about how we wouldn't have found it so early if I didn't have to get a follow-up for the surgery, but that doesn't make me feel any better."
"When do you start?"
"Tomorrow."
"Can I come with you?"
"Please? I need you to go in there waving around your big doctor ego, make them realize that they can't half-ass my care."
"I'd love to."
"Q?"
"Yes, Princess?"
"I didn't tell B about this. I'm only telling you. I don't want to deal with my parents' hovering, I don't want their pity."
"Thank you for trusting me."
"I can't expect from you, what I'm not willing to give. I'm leaning on you."
"I don't care what I have going on, I'm going to be there as much as possible."
I had to pull over as a wave of emotions hit me.
"This is your last chance, I swear, if you let me down, we won't make it back to forgiveness."
"I'll be there. I won't fuck up this time."
My gut told me differently, Q was addicted to self-sabotage. I just prayed her faithfulness lasted through chemo. I was terrified of going through this without B in my corner.
But I had to trust my wife, just this once.
"Is that Mami?" Beth asked.
"Yes. She's on her way home."
"Can I talk to her?"
"Sure."
"Mami, you will never believe what I found!"
I wiped my face before pulling back into traffic.
"Don't keep me waiting, you know I hate suspense."
"A leather jacket like the one you had in high school!"
"No way! Did you get it?"
"Mama insisted, so I got it!"
"Great! I still fit mine, now we can match!"
It was so fucking hard to stay upbeat, but I always managed to do it for my kids.
They mattered more than anything. The last thing I wanted was to bring them down.
It was Beth's birthday and I'd be damned if I let cancer or Quinn steal my joy.
I had to stay positive, no matter how much I was dying inside.
Beth came into the house looking like a replica of her Mama.
I just hoped that was where the similarities ended.
Even though Quinn was playing the part of super mom, doing the most to make Beth smile, I saw right through it…she was nervous.
Why?
"Why are you glaring at your wife?" Papi asked.
"Does she look nervous to you?"
"No more than usual, I mean consider that you two haven't been in the best place over the last few years, she's been on the outs with her mother, and Vanessa."
"And their all in this room."
"Not to mention your mother over there watching her like a hawk."
"Can you make her stop, please?"
"You first, your glare is just as bad."
I fixed my face and jumped into the fray to move the party along.
Tomorrow would be a hard day for me, so I needed some serious rest.
But there was something I needed to do first.
Once everyone was distracted I made my way to Vincent.
"Hey Santana, can you believe Bunny is 14?"
"I know, she's already boy crazy, make sure you keep an eye on her this summer."
"I plan on it."
"Can I talk to you in private?"
He raised his eyebrows and nodded. I led him away from the party to my office at the end of the hall.
I leaned against my desk and gestured to the couch.
"What's this about?"
"Quinn."
He sat up and leaned forward, fully invested now.
"She's gotten wrapped up in legal trouble, someone has been extorting her."
"Start from the beginning."
"That's the thing, I don't know everything. What I do know, is that she's fucking him for his silence."
"Hold on, I had no idea. How long has this been happening?"
"Since we moved back to Philly…but before that, she was screwing him for pills."
"Beth hasn't given me an inkling of trouble with Quinn."
"I've been filling in the gaps to make sure the kids are okay and aren't effected by her bullshit. For the most part I've been successful, but I'm not superhuman."
"You're at a limit, I can see it. You've done a great job, Santana. You're a great mom."
"I have to be, if I start slacking off, these kids are screwed."
"Understandable. How can I help?"
"Mediate."
"How do you mean?"
"I want Quinn to tell you the details, but she won't be vulnerable if the kids are here. Right now, the people who she wronged are here. I thought if you could get everyone on the same page, explain the legal side of things, you'll take his power to extort her away."
"Quinn is one of the most guarded people I've ever met."
"She's trying to make all of this up to me, if I tell her to talk, I'm pretty sure she will."
"If you can get her to agree, I'll do it."
"Thank you!"
Vincent left my office with the intention of getting Lydia to create a distraction for the kids so the adults could talk. I was about to follow behind him when my phone chimed.
I need to talk to you.-Britt
It's Beth's party, can I call you tonight?-San
Sam just served me divorce papers!-Britt
I closed my office door and called her right away.
"You didn't have to call, I'm sorry. I'm stupid." She was crying, sounding more like high school Brittany, than Ph.D. Brittany. I wasn't used to that anymore. Her confidence was gone.
"Tell me what happened."
"I got another abortion, Mercedes blabbed to him and told him that it wasn't my first! I never told her about it, I don't even know how she knew."
"Shit."
"What?"
"I told Q, she must have told her."
"Are you kidding me, Santana?!"
"I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter, he hates me now. That fucking bitch just wants him back, I see how she is when we pick up the boys, she's salivating over him."
"Divorce seems drastic, he didn't talk to you first? No counseling or anything?"
"No."
"But you always say how happy you are with him."
"It's call manifestation, San. He hasn't been happy for over a year, he's been trying to get me pregnant, and I kept lying to him about it. When I finally told him I didn't want kids, he told me he needed space, so I left. That was a year ago, we still don't live together, he stays in our house in Calabasas so he can be close to the boys, and I stay in Santa Monica with Court."
"If that was a year ago, why divorce you now?"
"Because of you. He hates that I drop whatever I'm doing to come to you. He's fucking jealous, even though I told him that I'm just keeping my vows to you! I made vows before God, and he just says, that I made vows to him too."
Something wasn't adding up.
There was a knock on the door, and then Quinn popped her head in. "Vince said you want to talk to me, is everything okay?"
"B, I gotta go, I'll call you tonight. I promise."
"Okay. Wish Beth a happy birthday for me."
"I will. This isn't the end of the world, you're going to be okay. You're a warrior, remember that."
"Thanks, go have fun. Thanks for calling me."
"Of course, B. I've got your back."
I waved Quinn in as I ended the call.
"What was that about?"
"Sam filed for divorce."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Are we okay? She wasn't making a play for you again, was she?"
"You know about that?" I was surprised, since she seemed to be unaffected by Britt these days.
"She tells me every time she asks you if you're ready to leave me for her. You always turn her down."
"I sure do."
Quinn stepped between my legs and wrapped her arms around me, her lips tipping up into a smile.
"You're so pretty, lover girl."
"Such a fucking charmer." I said, leaning in to steal a kiss before I changed her mood completely.
"Vincent looked worried, did you tell him about chemo or something?"
I wrapped my legs around her thighs, locking her in place before taking her hands in mine. She raised her eyebrow, giving me her full queen bitch face, but that didn't influence me.
"I told him you were being extorted." I could feel her wanting to pull away, but she was stuck. "I didn't give him details, but I want you to."
"Why?"
"He's a lawyer, he can help. I asked him to mediate, since your mom and sister are here, maybe he can get you all on one page, and you can be honest with them."
"Why would I do that?"
"To take Ishmael's power away." I said, and her eyes went wide. Not once had I used that asshole's name.
"You told me not to embarrass you by telling people about my affair."
"Fuck that, I need you to deal with this like you promised. I think that's the only way I can truly forgive you."
"Will you stay in the room with me?"
"If you want me to."
"I do."
"Then I'll be there, I need you to be completely transparent with Vincent, let him guide you on how to handle Judy and Fran. Don't go rogue."
"I'll do whatever you two say, I'm tired of having this hanging over me."
"So am I."
QUINN'S POV
I felt like I was going to be sick, as we followed Vincent into the restaurant.
San had wanted to send the kids away, but instead Vanessa and Rachel volunteered to look after the kids at the house with pizza, music and games while the rest of us went to dinner.
Vincent had reserved a private room, and asked my in-laws to join us as well, which I thought was risky.
I'd pissed off everyone but Vincent and Lydia, I was outnumbered in that room by the people who had something against me and said as much but Vincent was insistent.
Things were quiet at first, we ordered food, and then my former ally and confidant turned towards me and Santana with a grimace.
Just as she was about to open her mouth, Antonio leaned down and said something to her that made her huff and stay silent.
But I felt confident with Santana by my side. I leaned close to her ear. "Does your mom know why we're here?"
"No, my parents are in the dark. That was a part of the plan, if Judy and Fran think we are all on your side, they will be more defensive, so they don't know. I did tell Papi that it was important to give you a chance to make things up to me. That's probably why she just backed down."
"That makes sense."
Fran cleared her throat, and when I looked up at her she gave me that stern expression she always gave me when I was doing something she didn't like.
"What?"
"You invited all of us out but you two are over there in your own world, I could have gone to my hotel room rather than coming out with you."
I looked to Vincent and swallowed back my pride. "I invited you here because I need to correct a wrong that has led me to being extorted and assaulted."
Fran's smirk changed into a frown. "Assaulted." Just like Vincent had told me, Fran's big sister instinct kicked in.
"Remember how I told you that I had an affair in med school?"
Lydia slapped her hand on the table, okay not everyone knew that. "Are you serious?" Lydia said.
"You may need to brace yourself, Lydia, that's not the wildest thing Quinn has to say." San said quietly.
I nodded and then looked back at my mother and sister. "Yeah, when you got addicted to the pills again." Fran said, "That's old news, what does that have to do with me being here."
"He helped me get a dirty lawyer to alter Russell's will and destroy the original." There were gasps around the table, but I had to keep going, even though Fran's face was turning bright red. My mother on the other hand, didn't looked shocked one bit.
"I knew it seemed off, that's why I appealed."
"Well, I paid off the judge." I said, knowing that I hadn't shared that tidbit.
Fran stood up and leaned over the table her eyes looking fierce. "What did he get out of it? Were you going to give him a cut of the money or are you back on drugs?"
"Sex whenever he wanted and a cut of the money." Fran's eyes went to my wife, and then my in-laws. Maribel had her head buried in her hands as Antonio rubbed her back, and Lydia was whispering with my wife.
"Why are you telling me now? I say me, because look at our mom, she obviously knew something."
Mother shrugged. "Quinn is her father's daughter, none of that is surprising. I imagine she has us here to get ahead of something, the question is what."
All eyes were on me, and I looked to my wife who had agreed to handle this part when we created this plan, but I needed to make sure she was okay.
San nodded then looked at Fran, "My cancer is back, I start chemo tomorrow. I just found out today, and I told Quinn that this is her last chance. I wasn't going to spend another minute worried about whether she was going to him, I need to focus on healing. She needs to make this right."
Maribel was now sobbing against Antonio, who looked at me with pride because he knew how hard this was for me.
"That being said, after talking to Vincent about the legal ramifications," I said, as Fran sank down in her chair, with her eyes on my wife instead of me. My sister loved Santana, and it seemed that knowing she was sick made her calm down. "I'm going to forfeit my share. It belongs to you and Mother. It took me too long to realize it but getting that money isn't worth losing you or my family."
Fran nodded, "Well, I wish you had trusted me instead of whoring yourself out, out of everything, that's what disappoints me most. Just because you were cut out of the Fabray family trust, doesn't mean we weren't going to include you."
"What are you saying?"
"Mom and I talked about dissolving it and giving you an even cut. You never gave us the chance, instead you thought you knew better, you need to let go of this fucking arrogance, before you lose us all."
I nodded. "I agree."
"So, Sweetie," Mother said to Fran, "Do you plan to take legal action?"
"No. Unlike my baby sister, I value my family more than money. I want to help get you out of his clutches, since you aren't strong enough to do it on your own."
In the past, I would have taken offense to that point, but Fran was right. I was weak when it came to Ish.
I needed help.
"Thank you, I can't do this on my own. I need all of you to keep me accountable. The best way to get through this is by putting everything out on the table. I owe it to my wife and kids to make this right."
Once everything was out in the open Fran nodded towards the empty table on the other side of the room.
"I'm going to talk to Fran, you should probably talk to your Mom, Princess."
San gripped my chin and kissed me. "Just know that I'm so fucking proud of you, Luce."
I beamed and she kissed me once more, "Hurry up and talk to Fran, I wanna get home and make out with my wife."
"Say less."
The night before had been exhausting but we left the restaurant with a concrete plan. Mother cared more about the peace between me and Fran than anything else.
My sister though, seemed hellbent on bringing down Ish, and wanted every detail before she let me go to bed that night.
By the time I got to bed, San was passed out with the baby. She woke up long enough to kiss me goodnight and tell me her mother was coming with us to chemo.
Even though I was exhausted, I was the support my wife needed, whether Maribel liked it or not.
I draped a blanket over Santana, as she closed her eyes. Maribel, who had demanded to come with us to chemo, was holding onto San's hand and praying.
I waited for them to be done praying but Maribel looked at me sternly, "Grab Santana's other hand, you need prayer too."
I nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
"Mom." She corrected.
"Okay, Mom." She nodded, and I caught San's smirk as I took their hands.
San held tight to my hand, and it kept me in the moment.
Here she was getting pumped full of poison, and she was supporting me.
That's how she'd been all night, while Fran told me off. She never went for a moment without touching me, whether it was keeping her hand on my leg, or holding my hand.
She'd been teaching me how to be a good wife all these years, and I was just catching on.
Fran was right, my arrogance was out of control.
I brought San's hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles as Maribel ended the prayer.
"Again, please." San said, so I kissed her knuckles a few more times while Maribel watched.
"Have you given any consideration to my suggestion?" Maribel said to San, as if I wasn't there.
"I did, and I'm not doing it. Divorce isn't the answer, not yet." San said, and I felt both betrayed by Maribel and surprised by my wife.
"You told her to divorce me?"
"I suggested it as a way to give your relationship a chance to rebuild without the pressure of marriage. That's what Antonio and I did, look at us now."
"Just because it worked for you and Pop, doesn't mean it would work for me and Santana."
San was biting her lip as she watched me and Maribel volley, she seemed amused by us until Maribel took a parting shot.
"It seems to have worked for Brittany and Santana, they're closer than ever and now that Brittany's getting divorced, maybe you'll feel the pressure to actually fight for my daughter."
"Mami that's too far. Cálmate."
Maribel threw her hands up. "That's all I'm going to say about it."
"Good, because otherwise you'll need to leave. I need positivity, and Quinn is bringing the energy that I need, and you aren't. Be mad at Quinn on your own time, don't do it here."
"Lo siento, Nanita. I'll be civil."
"Thank you."
San had told me how badly she reacted to chemo, but nothing could have prepared me to see her making it just two minutes on her feet before she passed out and had a seizure.
Maribel was panicking but I jumped into action, by catching San before she hit the floor and turning her on her side.
The doctors swarmed but I had to move Maribel away from Santana so they could get her stabilized.
Maribel cried against my chest.
"Not again, not my baby."
"She's going to be okay, they have her. I protected her head, they'll admit and monitor her, but look her eyes are open."
Maribel looked at San who was staring glassy eyed toward us. "We're here, Nanita, we're not leaving. You fight."
San looked to me, and I blew her a kiss. "We're right here, Baby."
With a brief nod, San closed her eyes again.
"Go with her, I need to call Antonio." Maribel said, but I could see her shaking.
"I'm not leaving you. The doctors are going to get Santana stabilized, there's nothing I can do for her, but I can stay with you and make sure you're not alone."
"You mean it this time, don't you? You're going to make it right."
"She's not only my world, but the kids too. I owe it to them to make sure she gets through this in one piece."
"Good."
As we found a seat in the waiting area, my phone buzzed. When I saw Brittany's number, I was shocked.
"Hello?"
"San's cancer is back? I called her but she's not answering, how bad is it?" She sounded like she was close to hyperventilating.
"Britt, breathe." I said, surprised by just how upset she sounded. Maribel was right, the divorce had only brought her and Santana closer.
"She usually tells me if she's sick. Is this because of my divorce? If I had known, I wouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry if I made it worse. I'm sorry for everything, please tell me she's okay."
"She had her first round of chemo today, that's why she didn't answer."
"Did she get sick again?"
"Yes. Me and Maribel are at the hospital with her, they're going to admit her."
"Oh God, was it another seizure?"
"This has happened before?"
"Yeah, that was why she was admitted last time. She couldn't stop throwing up, they had to hydrate her."
"Good to know."
"I'm sorry I put more stress on her. Please don't hate me."
"Not for this. Okay. She was trying to lean on me, just like you've been telling her to do, right?"
"Yeah. Is it okay if I come?"
"Don't you have work?"
"No. It's summer, I'm not teaching right now."
"Then come, I'm sure she'd love it if you were here."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive and bring the little duck."
"I will."
"The doctor hasn't come out yet but I'm going to get the update, and I'll let you know if anything changes, okay?"
"Thank you. I know it's crazy for me to be this invested but she's my best friend, I can't live in a world where she doesn't exist anymore."
"Me either."
"She's our third, Q. We aren't a trinity without her."
"We're not. You're right."
"Take care of her. I love you both."
Once I hung up, Maribel shook her head. "You are letting Brittany be here?"
"She's not going to hurt me or her. I think the person that hurt me died a long time ago."
"Stay vigilant. I know I have been hard on you, and comparing you to her, but I really do want your safety."
"Thank you, Mom." I hesitated for only a moment before doing what she wasn't expecting, "Would you mind staying until Santana is in the clear?"
"Of course I'll stay, I'm sure you'll need help with the baby."
"Great, and maybe you'll help me find a new therapist. I think it was okay for you to help me when I wasn't your daughter-in-law, but maybe now it's time to talk to someone else."
She grimaced, "I agree."
"Lopez?" The doctor came out and we stood up, holding hands as we waited for the update.
"That's us. Wife and Mom."
"Santana's condition is fragile, we are going to admit her to complete her treatment which can take up to two weeks, but if she starts responding better, she can finish at home."
"When can we see her?"
"She's getting a few more tests, while we prepare a room. I'll send someone to you when she's ready for visitors. I'd estimate another hour or so."
"Thank you."
Maribel looked close to breaking, and while I would have loved to stay at the hospital, I knew we needed a breather.
And to make my decision to head home feel like the right move, my wife gave me the okay.
Thanks for catching me. Headed for tests. Please take Mami to the house, check on the kids, before you come back. I'm good for now. I love you!-San
Say less. We love you! See you soon, Princess! Xoxo-Q
Maribel ended up staying at the house with the kids while Antonio went back to the hospital with me, when it came to Santana's care, there was no one I trusted more.
When we got to the hallway outside Santana's room, Antonio asked for her doctor while I went in to check on San.
I had hoped she'd be sitting up, and alert but she was groaning into her pillow as she stared out the window.
"Baby?" I called out to her, and she slowly turned to look at me.
"It hurts, make it stop, Q please, it hurts!" She whimpered.
There was a shake in my hands as I got closer to her, when I touched her body it was ice cold.
"Where does it hurt?"
"Everywhere." She said with chattering teeth. Her numbers looked like shit, and while I wanted to jump into doctor mode, what Santana needed was me, which was why I brought Antonio.
Thankfully, I had thought to call Britt when I got home to ask her more about what San had gone through the first time, because now I could better support my wife through this.
I opened the bag I brought with me and pulled out the warmest things we had.
When I pulled back the covers, San curled into a tighter ball.
"No. It hurts. No!" She tried to yell, but she ended up sounding like a fragile lamb.
"I'm going to dress you, so it can feel better, I need you to trust me, Princess."
She slowly rolled to her back and stretched her legs out.
I dressed her as quickly as I could, starting with her feet which felt like ice blocks.
The more I dressed her, the more her body relaxed.
Instead of a pullover sweater, I had chosen the hooded jacket that she was always stealing from me because it was baggier than hers.
The nurses would need access to her arms, so I hoped this would make it easier.
"Better?" I whispered, and she gave me a weak smile.
"Yes. Thank you."
"Guess what?" I tried to stay up beat but she looked close to crying. "Britt's coming. I asked her to bring the duck, she'll be here tonight."
Her weak smile got bigger, and I tried not to take that personally, but it was hard.
I was her wife, she should be smiling like that for me, but I understood why she wasn't.
Britt had been her rock through everything in L.A. while I was being an idiot, and while San was trusting me to take care of her, I knew that having B there would make her feel more secure.
I had to swallow my pride, and put Santana's needs first, and I would do it with grace.
"Thank you."
"Your dad is also in the hallway, this was too much for Maribel, she's with the kids."
"Good. Papi is better with this."
I scooted my chair as close to her as I could and took her cold hand in mine, kissing her knuckles the way that she liked.
By the time Antonio came in with the doctor, San looked more like herself, which is what I wanted.
Even though Antonio was a badass doctor, San was still his baby, and I could only imagine how I'd feel seeing one of our kids in so much distress.
May heaven forbid it.
For the rest of the day, San didn't let go of my hand unless she had to, she was my only focus.
People streamed in and out of the room, but I only had eyes for Santana.
"Sing, please." San whispered as day turned to night.
"Any requests?"
"Say a little prayer?" She smiled with the saddest eyes.
"Maybe when B gets here we'll do our greatest hits."
"Fine, you pick."
"How about Lover Girl?"
"Teena Marie, really?"
"I'm classic, and I'd rather sing something just for you."
She watched in awe as I sang the whole song from beginning to end, runs included, and finally I got her to grin.
What a blessing!
It took a week for Ish to call me, and it coincided with San's first day back home.
Britt had just finished helping me convert Santana's office on the first floor into a temporary bedroom, so that San didn't have to climb the stairs.
The kids were out of the house, Beth and Gabriel in Texas, and Sasha with Maribel, so Brittany basically had the second floor all to herself, and asked if she could stay longer than a few days.
San looked at me with pleading eyes, and I agreed.
Fran had joined forces with Antonio and Vincent to handle the paper trail that could get me put in jail, telling me in very certain terms to stay out of it.
But a few hours before we needed to pick up Santana, Ish was demanding I come see him.
Normally I would bend to his will without telling anyone, but I knew that I couldn't do this on my own, so I messaged Santana.
Ish is summoning me.-Q
I expected outrage, but instead my wife shocked me.
Take Brittany with you.-San
Seriously?-Q
Do you trust me.-San
Always.-Q
Good. Britt knows what to do. I got you a gift that will help. I was saving it for a moment like this.-San
What is it?-Q
Go in my safe. You'll know it when you see it. Code is 8008.-San
Boob, really?-Q
Birthdays were too obvious. Going for scans. See you later. I'm trusting you, Q. Make me proud!-San
When I saw the brand-new chastity belt, I burst into giggles, when had she even found the time?
"Are you okay?" Britt popped her head into the closet.
"She got me a new one." I said to B, knowing that San had told her I'd given him a key without having to ask.
She grinned. "That was my idea, I didn't think she'd actually buy it. Is there a reason you need it? Aren't we picking her up soon?"
"Ish summoned me, I told her, she told me to take you with me."
Britt's eyes lit up. "I'm being called off the bench. Awesome!"
"Still not sure what difference that will make, but San gave me this as backup."
"Do you need help locking it?"
I blushed, both in horror and shame.
"I can't believe I'm saying yes, after everything."
"Santana would kill me if I hurt you. I'm not losing her, she's my only friend. Do what you can do by yourself, and I'll lock it for you."
"Okay, I can do that."
"I'm going to get a quick shower, be ready in fifteen."
The old chastity belt allowed for way more access than the new one, San had spent extra money to fill up and lock up everything that Ish was interested in.
Britt was quick as she secured the lock that was behind my back, and then she tucked the key in her pocket.
"What are you doing?"
"Can't let you get tempted to slip him the key."
"You're really San's spy, aren't you?"
"Sure am."
"You know what, I'm okay with that. You can be scary when you want to be, and I am spineless when it comes to Ish. Feel free to be as bitchy as you need to be with him."
"Oh, I plan on it. Promise me that whatever I say, you'll play along."
"I don't like the sound of that."
"And you won't like what I might have to do, but I need you to trust that I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm getting there."
She grinned.
"Thank God!"
When I stepped into the PT office, it was bustling since it was still daytime. Ish was sitting off to the side with irritation on his face.
He got up and began to walk to the back office, glancing at me just once to make sure I was following him.
Britt was on my heels as I stepped into the room, but Ish's back was turned so he didn't notice right away.
"You've been a bad girl, Silver." He said, as he turned, then he stopped short. "What is she doing here?"
I was about to say something, but Britt was faster, stepping in front of me, and holding up the key.
"She's mine now. I came to make sure you understand to back off my property. I did some hacking while you were in Cleveland, backed up your digital files and cleaned up those bribery receipts thanks to your grandmother not wanting you to ruin the family reputation. Then, I took over your hold on Quinn. She's locked up tight with a new belt, if you want her, it's through me."
"You're bluffing."
Britt's voice was low. "Lift your dress, slut."
I felt a pang of fear, but did as Britt asked and watched Ish look from me to Britt, then back again.
"You're going behind your wife's back to fuck her ex? Didn't she rape you?"
Britt growled, stepping toe-to-toe with Ish, towering over him. "Did I give you permission to speak to her?"
"You can't expect me to believe that this is real."
"It's not for you to believe. Slut, drop your dress and go stand at the wall."
I did what she said, and without even looking she nodded. "Good girl." Britt gripped his shirt collar, "Did you see how I don't even have to look at her to get her to obey? She's my slut, I made her crave me so badly, that she went looking for me in you. She won't make that mistake again."
"And if I tell Santana?"
Britt cackled. "She's mine too."
He balked. "What about the forgery? I can get her thrown in jail!"
"All erased. I told her sister, I told Santana. I told the judge, and I told your grandmother. There is no one else for you to run to without bringing yourself down too, little drug dealer."
"You're bluffing."
"Tell me something, piss ant, did you happen to run into Nico Motta in Cleveland?"
"Yeah, he runs things"
"I'm close friends with his niece, one phone call and your dreams of working there go up in smoke. Let this be the last time you come for my slut or her family, because if you do I will end you. Nod if you understand."
He nodded and she released him.
"Let's go slut." Britt said, holding the door open until I walked through it.
The whole scene was making me feel so many uncomfortable things.
I could see what Santana had been attracted to. Britt could really turn it on when she needed to.
And it was hot, but I was still terrified of her.
It wasn't until we were in the car that Britt dropped her tough act and began to giggle.
"Do you think he bought it?"
"Um, I knew it was a lie, and I bought it."
"Good girl." She winked and then patted my leg. "Take this."
I had started the car, and was about to put my seatbelt on when I looked at B.
She was holding her phone out, and I saw that a call with my wife had been going for almost a half hour.
"San?"
The call flipped to video, and San was staring hard at me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am a little thrown off."
"You're only mine, okay."
I rolled my eyes. "I know."
"How's the new belt fit?"
"Did you really need to get one with plugs? I feel so full." Her nostrils flared again.
"When I feel better, we are going to have a sex marathon."
"Good, because I miss you. Seeing them argue over me, made me feel so small, and I don't like that."
"Because you're a top, Q. I think you forgot that, it took another top showing you what that looks like."
Britt snickered.
"Are you finally admitting to being a bottom, San?" I teased.
"Fuck yeah, being on top is too much work. I'd rather let you do all the work."
"Lazy bones." Britt muttered.
"I earned the right to be lazy." San corrected and Britt nodded.
"Fair."
"Now, are you two coming to bust me out of here? I want some cuddles from my wife, and a foot rub from my bestie since she owns us both, I think she needs to pamper us."
"Rude." B said, but then leaned over my shoulder to see San, "You're welcome by the way."
"You owed us both, I am not thanking you for that."
"Fine. Let's go, Q. The Princess awaits."
I growled. "My princess."
"Down girl." San chuckled. "You know I've only got eyes for you."
"Say less."