Snyderverse Neptunia Snippets

by Derald Snyder

Snippet 71- Baby Iffy

Timeline- Before the Neptunia series proper.

The motorcycle pulled up to the apartment complex, the man riding the rear promptly climbing off. "Thanks for the lift, Emiya," he said.

"No problem, Factory," Kiritsugu Emiya nodded. "Hope your wife and kid are doing alright."

"I hope so too. I'm honestly thinking of asking for a transfer to desk work- less dangerous, and I want to see my daughter grow up."

"Gonna finally make your move on reforming the Guild, huh? Well, good luck with that," Emiya said as he started the motorbike again. "See you." He promptly drove off into the night, his partner (heretoafter known as Mr. Factory) waving goodbye, before heading inside...

*Apartment 2-D*

"I'm home!" Mr. Factory called audibly, but too loudly, not wanting to wake any neighbors.

"Oh, welcome home, dear," said a petite woman with long brown hair- his wife. "Did you finally catch that criminal?"

"Yeah, that rapist won't be assaulting any more innocent women," Mr. Factory nodded, deciding not to tell her that his partner had brutally shot the dirtbag dead. "Surprised you're still up at this hour. Little Iffy keeping you up?"

"Oh, no, it's..." Mrs. Factory looked down. "Actually, I think I nodded off from exhaustion, and then woke up in the dead of night. And I had a strange dream about IF..." she shook her head. "Anyway, she's in the playpen right now. Would you like some tea, dear?"

"That's be great, honey," Mr. Factory nodded, heading into the living room. Inside the playpen was a baby dressed in fuzzy pajamas, with big green eyes and a leafy bow in her brown hair, looking somewhat sad. "Why, hello, what do we have here?" The baby looked up at him, before backing away a little. (Has it been so long she doesn't know me...?) Kneeling down, the Guild agent doffed his sunglasses, giving her a warm smile. "IF, it's me, your dada!"

"Da...?" IF spoke... then her eyes lit up with joy. "Da-da! Da-da!" she said as she crawled up to the playpen's screen.

"That's right, little Iffy," her father chuckled, standing and setting his shades on a table nearby, then proceeding to bend over and lift little Iffy out of the playpen. "Who's a cute little baby? Who's my cute little Iffy? You are!" he said to her, Iffy giggling happily.

"Oh, dear, before I forget..." Mrs. Factory called from the kitchen, "That new keyboard for the computer finally came in. I hooked it up, but I haven't had a chance to test it yet..."

"All right, I can do that," Mr. Factory nodded, carrying IF in one arm as he walked over to the computer in question. "This is a computer, Iffy."

"Com-pa...?" IF tried to speak.

"Oh, are you already learning to talk? You're such a smart baby!" Mr. Factory cooed as he sat in the chair, setting Iffy on his left leg. "Good thing I only need one hand for this," he muttered as he looked the new keyboard over. It seemed state-of-the-art, but given how badly the last one had performed... "Let's start with the numbers," he said to himself, moving the mouse to open the word processor program. "New file... here we go. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0," he said as he typed, each number appearing on the screen in sequence. "So far so good. the ones at the top work, now for the number pad. 1, 2, 3..." he paused and looked down at his daughter. "Are you trying to say the numbers?"

"F... Fooh?" IF said.

"That's right, 4," Mr, Factory chuckled. "5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 0."

"Ze-woh!" IF exclaimed.

"Good Iffy!" her father praised. "Okay, now for the letters..." He typed out a quick sentence, smiling in satisfaction as every letter appeared as it was supposed to. "Ah, good, looks like it works fine."

"Da-da?"

"Yes, little Iffy?"

"Wha-dah?" the baby pointed at the words on the screen.

"Oh, you want to know what that says?" Mr. Factory deduced. "Okay, it says: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs."

"Thaa... qui-cuh... bwown, focks... jum ovah thaa... lazeee... do-guhs," IF repeated.

"Oh, my, that's very good!" Mr. Factory said happily. "Look at you, you'll be talking like the rest of us in no time!"

"Yay!" IF threw her tiny hands up in joy. "Um, Da-da?"

"Yes, Iffy?"

"Um, why do Ma-ma go beddy-bye when Iffy talk?" the baby spoke.

"Uh..." her father froze in shock. Had his baby daughter just asked a coherent question? At this age?! A small noise got his attention, looking to see his wife standing with a glass of tea in hand, her face frozen with shock.

"Ma-ma! Da-da tell Iffy new woods!" IF exclaimed. Mrs. Factory's reaction was for her eyes to roll up in her head as she fainted dead away, the tea spilling all over the floor! "See?! Ma-ma go beddy-bye! Why Ma-ma do dat?!" IF whined, tears at the corners of her eyes...

Mr. Factory realized what his daughter was about to do. "No wait, Iffy, please don't-"

Too late. "UWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Iffy wailed at the top of her lungs, her father putting a hand over his ear from the volume. "UWAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Damn it, Factory! Keep your kid quiet, will ya?!" a voice yelled from beyond the wall. "Some of us are trying to sleep, here!"

"I'm sorry!" Mr. Factory shouted back, standing and putting IF on his shoulder, gently rocking to try and calm her down. (That tears it, I am definitely asking for that transfer now...) Clearly his wife was going to need all the help she could get with their daughter...

Snippet 71- End*

A/N: I was inspired by the scenes with Baby IF from Victory and Re;Birth 3.