Main Content379darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose
justwannabeoutthere
Summary:
"Let me tell you guys something," Sakura said. "You'll thank me later."
"Why not?" Naruto said, with a bite to her voice. Sasuke was very concerned for Sakura's wellbeing. He didn't think Naruto could tolerate much more.
"I don't think I can lose my mind any more than I already have."
Leaning in close, Sakura whispered, "Believe in Kishimoto."
Naruto looked absolutely, positively murderous.
I wish I brought my manga, Sasuke despaired.
Or, how three people deal with being the reincarnated main characters of an anime. Pray to god that they still have plot armor.
Notes:
Inspired by Denial and Deterioration by LazuliQuetzal
This is going to be a non-chronological fic with all of Team 7 being reincarnated self-inserts (before the first chapter takes place). Of course, not all of them became aware of their previous life at the same time.
Can you guess where the title is from?
(See the end of the work for more notes.)
Chapter 1: hell ain't normal but we deal, we deal
Summary:
Team 7 interaction, featuring a brief cameo by a certain grey-haired ninja towards the end.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sasuke smirked to himself as he sat alone to wait for Kakashi to come. Naruto and Sakura were off somewhere, which was of no concern to him. He had his own entertainment, after all, to occupy himself while waiting.
He froze when he noticed the distinct lack of his shoujo manga on his person. Apparently, in his rush to escape his fangirls, he'd left his manga behind!
"Fuck," he muttered out loud, letting the English word ring out the room. Except for the moment he'd let it slip, Naruto had come in. He would have never expected what came next.
Sasuke's eyes widened when he noticed himself pinned against the wall, Naruto's hand on his neck. Is this what a reverse kabedon was like? It might as well have been a scene from one of his mangas.
"You!" Naruto growled. Sasuke wasn't too sure about how he felt about this situation. Naruto heavily resembled her father after all, who in his opinion was the most attractive kage in history. But his heart dropped when he heard the next words.
"Does the word Kaguya ring a bell in your head?" she snarled. She hadn't used English, but Sasuke was stunned. Someone else in the world who'd been transmigrated?
He wondered what would happen if he called her crazy and that he had no idea what she was talking about. Would that be a safer option? Then he decided that he wanted to stay alive, thank you very much.
It was inevitable, anyway, that he'd have to get involved with the main events. Being the secondary protagonist and Indra's reincarnation (if that was still true) would force him to.
It was then when Sakura came into the room, skipping in with a stick of dango. He mentally groaned. Naruto had stepped back by the time she entered, but the damage was done. Sakura had seen both him and Naruto in that heavily compromising position.
Would she scream? Accuse them of improper behavior? Attack Naruto?
"Fuck me," Sakura said, wonderingly. In English.
Of course, Sasuke thought. It would be Team 7, the most central characters of the story, which would all have been reincarnated. Because, why not?
The… British, he presumed, accent in her voice was unmistakable. He and Naruto almost clashed heads with how quickly they turned towards Sakura, who was… sporting a huge nosebleed. Great.
Then again, Sasuke couldn't say that he wouldn't do the same in her position.
Naruto seemed lost, for lack of a word, as her gaze darted between the two of them. Sakura covered up her nose, as she pressed her scarf on top of the blood.
"And I just bought this yesterday," she grumbled, back in Japanese.
At this point, Sasuke was very concerned for Naruto's mental state. She looked like a computer that had crashed.
"Hey," he said, waving his hand in front of her eyes, "Are you okay?"
She turned towards him with the most deadpan expression on her face.
"Tell me," she said, low and quiet, "if I look okay."
Yeah, that's fair, Sasuke thought.
"I have no fucking idea what's going on," Naruto said.
"Does anyone?" Sasuke asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Sakura seemed to have recovered from her unexpected nosebleed. She looked like she'd managed to come to the same conclusion as them.
"Let me tell you guys something," Sakura said. "You'll thank me later."
"Why not?" Naruto said, with a bite to her voice. Sasuke was very concerned for Sakura's wellbeing. He didn't think Naruto could tolerate much more.
"I don't think I can lose my mind any more than I already have."
Leaning in close, Sakura whispered, "Believe in Kishimoto."
She could clearly see the incredulity on their faces.
Naruto looked absolutely, positively murderous. She had a death grip on a kunai handle, and she was clearly trying to contain herself.
Sakura looked unabashed. "That's how I coped with this!" she said, flinging her arm around to gesture to Konoha.
Sasuke deeply wished that he had her ability to not give a shit.
I wish I brought my manga, he despaired. He still wanted to find out the resolution of the final battle between Himiko and Izumi.
"Well," a voice says, scaring the shit out of the three of them. Sasuke wanted to sink into a non-existent couch as he sees Kakashi process the scene he's stumbled upon.
He could only watch on the side as he watched one of the main events of the anime commence.
Sasuke couldn't really blame Kakashi for the way his eyebrows creased as he looked at them.
"My first impression of you is…" Sasuke closed his eyes, "that you're going to be a handful."
Sasuke deeply pitied their new sensei. You don't know the half of it.
Notes:
This is my first fic for the Naruto fandom, hope you liked it!
Chapter 2: ain't got nothin' to smile about
Summary:
And we see how Naruto gained her memories!
Notes:
disclaimer: might not be able to update future chapters at the same rate
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Naruto was four, a vengeful chunin drunk on sake attacked her for being 'the demon which destroyed his family.' With no formal training yet, she was unable to do much to defend herself until someone else managed to step in and save her.
Knocked out and unconscious, she was rushed to the hospital while the chunin, despite getting some of the resentment out of his system, only began to understand the sheer and utter stupidity of what he had done.
In other words: he was totally fucked.
Fortunately for Naruto, there was no lasting damage, but the Hokage was understandably furious when Naruto didn't immediately wake up after being treated.
He immediately ordered for the chunin to get the most special treatment possible from T&I. When it was determined that he didn't have any external ties to forces outside of the village, or any knowledge of why Naruto hadn't woken up immediately, Sarutobi Hiruzen decided to make an example out of him and show just exactly what would happen if you directly harmed Naruto Uzumaki.
Hatake Kakashi took great pleasure in executing the chunin with his Chidori by order of the Hokage.
But he also felt immense anger, fear, and guilt about what had happened to his sensei's daughter.
Minato-sensei and Kushina's daughter should've been treated with the respect she deserved, not like the ostracized child she was. He'd watched countless times as she cried when the other children rejected her, or when the civillains would turn their noses up at the sight of her.
Kakashi ached to actually do something for her, to try and atone for his actions when she woke up.
But alas, he was first and foremost a loyal shinobi of Konohagakure. Kakashi knew what his orders were, and was unable to interfere from outside of the shadows.
What would Obito think of him?
When he got those thoughts, Kakashi simply suppressed them, like the good, mentally fucked ANBU he was. There wasn't much he could accomplish by dwelling on what-ifs aimlessly.
—
When Naruto woke up for the first time, her vision was hazy and blurry. She tried to sit up, but most of her body felt like lead weight. But when she'd opened her eyes, the nurse had dropped her blankets on top of her.
She winced at the scream the women let out. Did she really have to be so loud?
A couple of minutes later, an old man had entered the room and had taken a seat next to her. By then, Naruto's vision had mostly cleared up for the most part.
"Ah, Naruto," Sarutobi Hiruzen said, looking at her fondly. It was a relief for him that whatever had happened to Naruto, it wasn't permanent. "It's nice to see that you're awake."
…Naruto?
Had she heard that right? Was she still dreaming?
Naruto?
She looked up at Hiruzen, without any response. The loud, boisterous girl he knew was nowhere to be present in the way she'd looked at him.
Naruto brought her child-like hands up to her face, staring at her fingers, dumbfounded.
By now, Hiruzen was concerned.
N̴̢̛̦̙̗͔̠̬̤̾͑̓̋͋̒̂̈̔̎͂͜͜͠͝a̷̧̯̬̹̝͔̥͔̻̜͕̺͒̃̈͐͛͒̇͜͜͜ȓ̵͇̼͔͔̞̰̭͇̈́u̸̞̤̎̇̈́̈̒t̸̢̛̠͓̳̖͈͇͔̱̹̍͛̈́̏̏͋̈́̈̚̚͘͜͠ŏ̷̞̝͌͋̇͗͂͊͘̚?̴̛̦̖̻͎̫̣̄́͗͊̑͛́̑̄͋͠
She screamed.
—
She'd kept screaming and screaming, and the Hokage immediately summoned a med-nin. They'd pumped her full of drugs just so that she'd fall back asleep.
None of the med-nins understood why she was screaming.
Nobody could have ever known about what exactly had happened to Naruto on that day with the chunin. Somehow, something had awoken in her.
Something from another world.
—
"Good to hear you're feeling better, Naruto," Hiruzen chuckled, as he sat in the wooden chair in her new apartment.
"Thanks, old man," she said, quietly. Hiruzen frowned.
The quick psychological assessment done by a Yamanaka suggested that the incident and irrevocably changed her. Naruto still retained parts of her original self, but she was a lot more subdued and quiet then before.
On one hand, this personality change would make her an excellent shinobi. On the other hand, Hiruzen found himself sorely missing Naruto's previous brightness.
Naruto found herself feeling so goddamn itchy with the Sandaime in her apartment.
Would he figure her out?
Could he tell that she absolutely, completed loathed Konoha? Detested the way they'd treated an orphan girl, saddled with a burden with no fault of her own?
How could someone live and die for this place? Do things even worse for the sake of the 'village'?
She'd remembered everything that Naruto had, the subpar reading education she'd received, the way there had been almost no intervention in the way she'd been treated until now.
And Naruto, now a changed girl with the memories and knowledge she'd received.
Of a world where they actually gave a damn about people like her.
She wondered, briefly, how much the Sandaime checked up on her was because of her status as a jinchuuriki, or because he actually cared about her.
She doubted that the man knew himself.
But Naruto knew that she was trapped in this world, all alone as her status as the main character and the jinchuuriki.
But she knew what would happen to the dissenters.
The Hokage, or even Danzo, would be the Earth King inviting her to Lake Laogai.
And that was something that Naruto couldn't allow to happen.
"Well, if everything's fine, I'll be taking my leave now, Naruto," Hiruzen said, moving to get up.
"Wait—" she blurted out, before he could leave. It might as well be now. "Can I ask you something, jiji?"
Hiruzen made an exaggerated sigh to try and humor her. (Another method of manipulation?) "Just before I leave? Well, ask away, Naruto."
"Can I go to the academy? I know the rules, but you're like, the most powerful ninja. You can do something and let me in, right?"
"Oh," Hiruzen said, intrigued. "And why should I let you do that?"
This was the part she'd have to make realistic.
"Because, old man!" she said, letting her emotions power her voice, "I want to prove to the villagers that I'm more than what they think of me. I'll protect all of them until they can't deny it, and then they'll have to acknowledge me as the best ninja, dattebayo!" she said, and tried to pretend that she was holding back her tears so that she could 'pretend' to appear strong to the Hokage.
Children didn't typically like showing their vulnerabilities. Then again, neither did adults.
"Well Naruto," Hiruzen mused, "I don't think I can deny you this. Well, I'll put you in for the fall term in about a month. Are you sure you can handle it? Everyone in your class is going to be older than you."
She clenched her hands into fists, but not for the reasons Hiruzen might have thought of.
Naruto was willingly subjecting herself to go to an academy where she'd be learning how to kill. Going to a school where they'd fill up kids' heads with propaganda and bullshit which they'd keep passing down.
She doubted that anyone would ever understand her perspective without knowing the democracy that had been present in her old world. It was likely that the mere mention of a democracy here would lead to something… unpleasant happening.
For now, Naruto would play along. She'd further herself, but not too much that she'd graduate early.
Just enough so that she'd take her first out of the village at the furthest possible time— when she'd be the most prepared.
"Of course, dattebayo," she said, letting a bit more cheer into her tone. "They'll never see me coming."
Notes:
Feel free to check out my other fic, trying to change the ending.
It's a BNHA OC time travel fic which I think is unique in it's execution! Don't hesitate to pass your own judgement on it.
Chapter 3: he had loved (and left haunted)
Summary:
the crow & the shark
Notes:
Let's speed up the story a little bit.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Kisame had come back grinning from the bar, and Itachi instantly had a gut feeling that he was about to hear something unpleasant.
An intuition that he believed he'd inherited from his mother, who'd always know when he or his father came home even if they hadn't displayed anything openly on their faces.
(He still didn't know how she did it).
Itachi just hadn't expected how mind-boggling the news would be.
And for something to unsettle Uchiha Itachi, anyone knew that it must be something shocking.
When Itachi had heard the news, it had taken him all his willpower not to blink or drop his dango when he'd heard the news (he could never let such a delicious, sugary treat go to waste).
He had almost embarrassed himself in front of Kisame by letting himself react visibly to the news.
Did I hear that right?
"My brother… defected from Konoha?" Itachi asked, dumbfounded. Why would Sasuke ever betray Konoha?
If Itachi had been a lesser man, he'd have said "What the fuck?"
Idly, he wondered how their father might have reacted. The Chief of Police, having both his sons abandon Konoha after his death.
That was what didn't compute with Itachi. For a genius, he always felt unsettled when things didn't fall into place how he expected.
It didn't seem like a logical course of action. Sasuke should hate Itachi (he'd been very thorough to ensure that), and how he betrayed the leaf when he'd killed their clan. Therefore, he should absolutely hate the idea of following in Itachi's footsteps by doing something similar and abandoning the village.
Of course, Itachi hadn't really betrayed the village… but there was no way that Sasuke could have known that.
Itachi would never let his sheer confusion penetrate his tone or demeanor, but even Kisame could tell that Itachi was unsettled.
"Yeah, along with two of his kiddie teammates. An Uzumaki girl and some pink-haired bitch. I heard that," and his voice dropped into an exaggerated whisper, "that they managed to trick the copy-nin himself. Apparently, he was their jonin-sensei," he said, shrugging.
Itachi… didn't know how he felt about that. It wasn't unexpected that Sasuke would end up on Hatake Kakashi's team (both of them having the only Sharingans in the village).
During his time in ANBU, he remembered Kakashi-senpai to be one of the most capable ninja that he'd ever known during his time in Konoha. Many had even considered him to be a satisfactory Hokage candidate if the Sandaime had died, as his senpai was the former student of the Yondaime himself (fitting in with the tradition that all Hokages were usually related to a previous one).
For my brother and his teammates to have outmaneuvered him… he must have surely been in a highly weakened state. It would be impossible that they defected if he was in peak condition.
And it wasn't like Itachi was wrong. He didn't know, however, the how things had played out: how his senpai in ANBU managed to get himself chakra exhausted against Zabuza Momochi (a mere A-rank missing-nin), or how his genin had killed Gato and struck a deal with the missing-nin and his student, Haku to stage a fight with some henged shadow clones while the real team got as far away as they could.
All Itachi knew that his brother was acting highly foolish… and that he didn't think the Sasuke he knew would have ever made a decision like that.
(That was Itachi's first mistake: To assume that the Sasuke he'd last seen was the same Sasuke as now).
And now his little brother had surely painted a large target on his back, as 'the last Uchiha' of Konohagakure along with running away with the jinchuuriki. And some civilian girl?
Itachi sighed. Foolish little brother, echoed his mind. He suppressed a grimace.
"What do you think, Itachi?" Kisame said, grinning with those shark-like teeth of his.
"I think," Itachi said, with a deliberate pause (he was an Uchiha, after all), "if you don't mind Kisame, that we'll take a little detour and see what my little brother and his companions have been up to."
"After all, a reunion has been long overdue."
Notes:
The Uchiha clan and their dramatics...
Chapter 4: is it too soon to do this yet?
Summary:
Rewinding a bit.
Notes:
love you guys as much as Itachi loves his dango 3!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The three of them were all seated together in Sasuke's house, on a luxurious L-shaped couch. They'd all been dragged there by Naruto after their introductions and first meeting with Kakashi which had certainly been… interesting, to the say least.
The less that was said about that, the better.
"What I don't understand is… how come none of us was able to figure out that the other two were reincarnated too?" Naruto asked, lying lazily in the sun with one eye opened.
Even she didn't care much about keeping up appearances when there was a comfy couch to be used shamelessly.
"I just thought I was in an alternate universe," Sasuke said, shrugging. He was currently covered in at least three pillows, and there may or may not have been a blanket with a handstitched cat piled up behind his head. "With you being a girl in this universe and all that."
"Same here," Sakura said, munching on some more dango. Currently, she was using Naruto's legs as a pillow (and unexpectedly, she didn't protest). Surprisingly, not a single crumb fell from the stick.
It vaguely reminded Sasuke of Itachi, or how he managed to bypass their mother's rules about not eating on the carpet or bed because he someone never let a single crumb fall anywhere.
It was maddening.
"And here I was, thinking that you two," Naruto said, lazily pointing a finger at Sasuke and Sakura, "were different from canon because of me."
"I mean, you're not wrong," replied Sasuke. "I think all of us have influenced each other, at least a little bit. You were the top kuniochi, but you gave me incentive to actually try. Sakura was technically in the middle, between Hinata and Ino, but Ino was always going to be on a team with Shikamaru and Choji anyway."
"Hey," complained Sakura, "it's not my fault that Japanese is a pain in the ass. Or that Iruka-sensei looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel when he called me after class to discuss how I wrote that Hashirama was married to Madara instead of Uzumaki Mito. Which he might as well have been," she added.
Naruto didn't bother suppressing a snort at hearing that. "He was a man with his best friend's face on his nipples. Kurama laughed his ass off at that."
Even Sakura froze at that statement, mid-bite in her dango.
"Kurama?" asked Sasuke. If his voice had risen in pitch a little bit, Naruto and Sakura weren't exactly in the position to tell anyone. "As in, the Kyuubi? The tailed beast, which I might add, is the most dangerous of them all?"
You had to forgive Sasuke for how his heart jolted when Naruto rolled her eyes. "He's not as salty as Shikaku, Sasuke, relax. All it took were a couple of meditation trips. Kurama was a bit of a dick in the beginning, sure, but now that he knows about Kaguya and Madara he's totally on board with helping me out. He's still a dick and a bastard the majority of the time, but I think I can count on him when it matters."
"Plus, he makes the most hilarious jokes. Yesterday, he called the original Naruto 'a total simp' for the original you. I was so proud when he said that," Naruto said, grinning. She looked a little feral.
"He sounds like my kinda guy," said Sakura, "I'd love to meet him."
It was at least reassuring when both Naruto and Sasuke were able to look at each other and unanimously come to an agreement that they should try and prevent that at all costs.
Sasuke squinted when the sun came to rest just above his eyes. Sakura did him a favor by placing a pillow over them.
"Hey, Naruto," began Sakura, "can you still do your sexy jutsu?"
"…yeah. It's been dead useful, actually. I've gotten away with a shit-ton of things because of that. How do you think I learned the shadow clone jutsu after I got Mizuki fired last year?"
"That was you," said Sasuke, eyes wide. "Nice."
"Oh, so that was what Ino meant when she said her dad mentioned he'd gotten a visit from an academy teacher," said Sakura, contemplative. "So you could theoretically do the harem jutsu, right?"
"Um, yeah," said Naruto, now a little hesitant after seeing the way Sakura had changed upon hearing her answer
"Great," grinned Sakura. Her eyes were gleaming, and there was a tinge of madness radiating from her.
"How do you think Kakashi would react to being surrounded with Gai in lingerie tomorrow?"
Sasuke choked on thin air. Naruto cackled.
"Sakura," Naruto said, teeth bared in a smile. "I think we'll get along just fine."
Notes:
ding dong the scarecrow is gonna fucking DIE because of these children
Chapter 5: better run (with the pumped up kicks)
Summary:
post-bell test, gai pov. mini flashback as well.
Chapter Text
Gai excitedly leapt from roof to roof in pursuit of his Eternal Rival, Kakashi. He'd been recently assigned a genin team (again), but despite how much Kakashi hated children, Gai really felt like this would be the one.
It would be great for both him and Kakashi to have a team! There were so many things they could do together, and he could even impart some advice to his rival as well!
Besides, Naruto-chan had been assigned to Kakashi. With her Youthfulness, he had full confidence in her ability to pass whatever test Kakashi might have set up.
He still recalled her Youthful determination years ago, when she'd come up to him and respectfully asked for help. She'd been a very tiny thing, scrawny but brave, and had asked him to devise a training plan for her along with advising her on a basic taijutsu style.
"Please teach me, Gai-san," she had asked, head bowed low on the ground. He'd been punching a tree, but had turned around to look at her. "I'll take whatever you can offer."
He'd been surprised. Most people tended to respect his abilities, but thought of him as eccentric or socially incompetent. Of course, Gai was neither blind or deaf, despite many opinions to the contrary.
(He wouldn't be a good shinobi, would he, if you could tell how he planned to kick you to death with a shining grin on his face?)
But he respected her ability to ask him of all people, who would get her results; there was no doubt about that. But Gai's plan ensured that there'd only be a true return with tremendous effort put into training.
With the permission of the Hokage, he'd set up a week with her to train her in basic taijutsu and help her create her own style. In that one week, she'd improved leaps and bounds— and he knew that just like her parents, Uzumaki Naruto would become a force to be reckoned with.
"Thank you for everything, Gai-sensei," she'd said. Her blonde hair was covered in mud, and her clothes were too, but there was a bright grin on her face.
If there was a little bit of despair in the smile too, it went unnoticed.
"No problem, Naruto-chan!" he'd replied. "Now, go shine with the power of Youth, and do the village proud!"
Her smile had become a bit more strained after that (everything always came back to the village, of course), but he chalked it up to tiredness.
Leaping over the final roof, he met the ground only to come face-to-face with Kakashi.
"Kakashi, my rival!" He intoned, excitedly. Hopefully, Naruto had managed to impress him. "How was the test?" Please tell me you didn't fail yet another team… again.
For some reason, his rival seemed very pale and… a little traumatized? Kakashi had been an ANBU, and he'd only just conducted a genin exam— surely nothing too extreme had happened?
"The… test," Kakashi said weakly, as he continued to look at Gai. He had no knowledge of the images of him in clothing that might as well have been from a yaoi version of the Icha-Icha books which his rival had burned into his eyes (he hadn't even used the sharingan!).
In a blink of an eye, Kakashi had vanished, leaves trailing behind him. Sure, Gai could go after him, but he decided to give his rival the benefit of the doubt.
He didn't know what exactly had happened to Kakashi, but he could always corner him later. Besides, he had to prepare for his team's C-rank mission tomorrow. This was going to be the year he planned for them to enter the chunin exams.
Of course, Gai never found out why Kakashi avoided looking at him for nearly a week after. When he'd asked Naruto-chan about it when they were catching up after Kakashi had administered the test to her team, the only answer he'd received was "You don't want to know, Gai-sensei."
Chapter 6: gimme the rhythm and it'll be off
Summary:
intro to sakura, our favorite unhinged bitch
Notes:
hi guys i'm back. please check out my page for updates on my other works. college applications are a bitch rn. i also wrote this chapter this morning so forgive me
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Naruto had woken up after being violently assaulted. Sasuke had woken up after the massacre.
But Sakura had woken up after smashing her head against an open cabinet door and passing out. It was quite the eloquent way of summarizing her entire existence.
Ino had come to visit her in the hospital, her father behind her as they presented her with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Her parents had been out on a mission, irrelevant chunin that they were, so it had been Ino who had discovered her on the floor, passed out.
She winced. That must have been traumatic for the five-year-old or however old Ino was.
"Here you go, Sakura-chan!" Ino cheerily handed her the flowers with care.
"Are you okay, Sakura-chan?" Inoichi questioned, his eyebrow quirked up and a small smile at the corner of his mouth as he watched the touching scene.
"Head injuries are no joke in our line of work."
A normal person would have reassured Inoichi that they were fine, Ino's-dad, it's good. A normal person would have thanked Ino for the flowers and then excitedly discuss… whatever they discussed.
New Sakura was not a normal person.
All she could see was the chiseled jaw of her best friend's dad, the luscious long dirty hair she could only dream of pulling and yanking , and his defined musculature, as was common of any Konoha shinobi.
Green, kind eyes, a shade off her own and yet so captivating , and he could wreck her mind, thatwassohot—
The fact that he was a loaded clan head and widow (the knowledge popping up in her head) certainly did not help to quell her rapidly heating face.
Before she could respond, the hospital employee thankfully wheeled her way in to start yelling at Inoichi about how the Psych Department's paperwork wasn't on time, didn't he have better things to do than dally around, and how irresponsible he was–
Ino, at this perfect moment, chose to masterfully burst into tears. Bidding a quick retreat, Inoichi vanished out the room, the nurse left yelling at nothing but thin air until she noticed his absence. Huffing, she strode out of the room, but informed Sakura that she was allowed to leave.
Sakura left.
In the coming weeks, Sakura didn't bother to disguise her changed personality. Instead, she made it seem like the injury had allowed her to stop hiding her true self, and when Shikamaru himself commented that "she was a lot more bearable now," she smirked in satisfaction.
Of course, what was bearable for Shikamaru was definitely not the case for the teachers at the Academy.
"Sakura, come see me after class."
"Oooh, someone's in trouble," and other variations rang out from children all over the room, even as Sakura sniffed haughtily and did dignified hair-flip number 41 as recommended by Koharu Utatane in her book, The Dignified Kunoichi. Some things were just universal amongst universes. In this case, children snickering as their classmate was sentenced to a terrible fate: after school lectures by Iruka.
Iruka's head swelled. She wondered, idly, if it was a jutsu, genjutsu, or if anime gag things were an actual thing in this world.
Did women get infinitely stronger when annoyed about perversion? Did people actually get nosebleeds when turned on? She supposed she'd find out, eventually.
Believe in Kishimoto . That was the motto that now governed Sakura's life.
Although, Sakura couldn't help herself from trolling people. Life was boring, alright, and this world was kind of a drag. She had to take joy from what she could.
In this case, "joy" being the essay she'd written on the subject of Hashirama Senju, Madara Uchiha, and Mito Uzumaki.
–
When Iruka had first seen the name at the top of the paper, some of the weariness in him had relaxed. After grading Kiba's paper, he was sure that Sakura's would be a relief. Her grammar and ideas were a little textbook and not that innovative, true, but her assignments were a teacher's wet dream for grading.
Or at least, that was what he had assumed.
Staring dumbfoundedly at the paper in front of him, he couldn't help but be enthralled by the depth of research conducted by Sakura. There was nothing in terms of technical prowess he could fault her for in this report. Everything had been done according to standard procedure. The grammar was impeccable, the words correct, if not excessively verbose as if she'd needed to repeatedly consult a dictionary.
But the content. It was something Iruka couldn't let fly, even as he marveled at how such an outlandish idea was presented in such an eloquent, beautiful format.
–
Sakura stood in front of Iruka as the last of her classmates trickled out. Ino had tried to hide behind a box, but Iruka quickly kicked her out as Shikamaru and Chouji had to restrain her from eavesdropping and pulled her away from the building.
It was just her and Iruka.
Haruno versus Umino.
"Sakura," the worn teacher sighed. Briefly, Sakura felt guilt welling up in her. Of all the people to trouble, it was kind of an asshole move to trouble a teacher— they dealt with so much bullshit from administrators, the government, and annoying parents. It was a wonder they didn't all quit and unionize.
Right. Unions were illegal.
"I need you to resubmit this."
"WHAT!" Sakura squaked. She hadn't painstakingly begged for interview from retired Uchiha to have her efforts to prove the truth dismissed like this!
"Sakura," Iruka sighed. "This is, well, it's probably the most technically perfect essay I've ever read in all the years I've assigned this project. But the subject matter, is, well, unacceptable."
He couldn't even bring himself to say it out loud. Sakura snorted.
"But sensei, there's proof!" she exclaimed breathlessly, gesturing to the paper. "There was definitely proof that Madara and Hashirama's relationship was romantic!"
"Page 10: Shiranui Mai recalled how once, Hashirama had gambled away all the money he had on him, and was left to gamble away only a dark secret that nobody else knew. Everyone was eager to learn something that the God of Shinobi kept close to his chest, only for his opponent to nearly throttle him when the loser had begun to wax poetic about his hidden desire to comb Madara's hair."
"And look at page 15!" she eagerly gestured. " The interviewee in question, one Uchiha Hikaku, also known by his peers as 'Old Man Hikaku' stated in respose to the query that "Madara practically undressed the man with his sharingan on the battlefield. He almost set me on fire when I let Hashirama borrow a shirt after a mokuton accident while enhancing the Uchiha compound. He almost damn-near started a blood feud with the Uzumaki after they only deigned to support Konoha if the Hokage agreed to marry the Uzumaki Princess. They would not accept any other suitor of lower status, and Madara was seething for weeks in the compound about how he couldn't throw Tobirama into the seas of Uzushiogakure to the whims of sealmasters and the Sanbi and not have him skulking around Hashirama all the damn time."
Uchiha Hikaku sighed. "If that isn't love, I don't know what to call that kind of devotion. Brothers would tease each other about being married, not hoard each other like coveted posessions"
End testimony 3."
"From a police officer! A police officer, sensei, you can't tell me you're prejudiced? I had a higher opinion of you than that."
Iruka turned red, ashamed and furious.
"The— well— I have only the utmost respect for the Police Force. Do not misinterpret my concern over your project as me doubting the validity of your sources. But, well—"
"Well?" Sakura demanded, frowning and crossing her arms. Maybe the added insinuations that Tsunade Senju's grandfather was more likely to be Tobirama than Hashirama was a tad bit too much. Or the idea that Madara cucked Mito.
Iruka sighed, sensing a losing battle. Sakura could sure be brash in class, but it seemed like she'd funneled all the excess obsession over Sasuke into obsession over the founders.
"Fine. I won't make you resubmit it. But I can't give it to the Hokage either. You'll get a failing grade."
"That's alright, Iruka-sensei," Sakura smiled sweetly. After all, there was more where that came from. And she couldn't give a damn about grades anyway. It's not like she could beat female Naruto anyway.
No, she was better off putting her energy into her passions instead of propaganda schoolwork.
Elsewhere, Madara sneezed. Tobirama's eye twitched.
And Mito Uzumaki promised bloody murder.