A/N: Yeah, another post-finale one-shot. I can't resist them! This one is a songfic inspired by a song from one of my favorite bands.

Thanks to Writesalott who kindly beta'd this for me.

Sarah Bartowski vs Love

Is it love?
Is it love?

.

Don't let this boy go
Don't let this boy go

So long to the city
We'll retell the story they wrote
My lips part to talk but I forgot what I was trying to remember
And that will remain unsaid

Is it love, love that's on your mind?
Love, not just of a certain kind
Is it love, no, no, not just of a certain kind
Is it love, love that's on your mind?

.

Ain't what we do without consequence
I'm saying it, I'm saying it
My lips part to talk but I forgot what I was trying to remember
And that will remain unsaid

Is it love, love that's on your mind?
Love, not just of a certain kind
Is it love, no, no, not just of a certain kind
Is it love, love that's on your mind?

"Is It Love"
by Gang of Four

Chuck was asleep next to her. She found his light snoring quite relaxing. Sarah lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. She was thinking about how much she'd changed in her years with this man.

She still berated herself for being taken in by Quinn and believing his ludicrous story. She never did long term assignments, just short ones, usually terminations. So, how she had gotten caught up in an assignment lasting 5 years? But that wasn't all, she'd been assigned to have Chuck Bartowski as her asset and married him? That should have rung alarm bells in her head. She never could have been properly married just for an assignment. And it couldn't have believably stayed platonic. Quinn's story just couldn't be true, and of course, it wasn't.

That meant this must've been a real relationship, not just a cover, which was also hard to believe. She'd decided to just get away, but then John Casey turned up and handed her a disk. Watching her own video log, she'd seen how being around Chuck Bartowski had affected her, day by day.

She had then listened to him on the beach when he responded to her request to tell her their story. He didn't just tell it as a story, though. He breathed life into it, made her feel it. She didn't regain the memories, but she could imagine how she would have felt and even felt it there on the beach.

Their time together in those five years had been a mixture of action, drama, danger and pure craziness. And that was just the missions. Their cover story was as dramatic. She could imagine all the tension between them before they became boyfriend and girlfriend.

Remembering her logs, she linked the situations he mentioned to what she'd recorded. Chuck's thoughts, capturing his feelings in those situations, either gave them a warmth, or solidified her sadness.

She felt bad that her loss of memory took his relationship from him. Chuck was a victim of this as well, but at least he had his memories.

As he talked she felt herself pulled into their story, even laughing or tearing up sometimes. As he spoke, her feelings for him were increasing. She'd already felt the pull. Wanting a real relationship with him just felt natural, inevitable, even.

However, love? That was far more than she would've expected. She'd never actually been in love before. Her feelings for Bryce had gradually grown to the point that she wondered if it was love, but when he turned up after she had been in her handler role she must've felt torn between her responsibility to protect Chuck and the life of adventure she'd experienced with Bryce. She must've missed that, but more than that, Sarah could imagine the fear of losing control around Chuck . Her heart must have felt at odds with her mind, as it was sitting listening to him there on the beach.

Her dad had taught her that love was for fools and the CIA had told the recruits that love was something they would never experience. However, all the evidence indicated that she had fallen in love and most definitely received it from Chuck.

She looked over at him. Since their kiss on the beach a week ago, she'd slept in this bed with him every night. They hadn't been intimate, just slept on their respective sides.

That kiss on the beach was the clincher that finalized her decision to stay. She had already acknowledged to herself that what she'd learned over those years must've been worth holding onto. Although her spy mindset told her to get away from him, a voice in her head was saying, 'Don't let this boy go.' She couldn't just walk away.

Thinking about that kiss made her feel warm all over. No memories had returned, but her heart took over. Kissing Chuck Bartowski was sensual, to say the least, but it was more than that. His lips felt perfect on hers. It caused flutters in her chest and a strong desire to hold onto him and never let go.

She remembered what happened after that.

As their lips parted, he'd looked nervously at her, waiting to see her reaction. "No memories returned," she started. His expression of total dejection made her realize that was the wrong thing to say first. He looked away, out at the ocean, so she placed her hand on his cheek, and forced him to look back at her. "No memories," she repeated. "But an overwhelming desire to hold onto you. To stay. I've never felt the power of a kiss before." She had to correct herself. "Well, I must have with you before, but not in my memory."

"So, you'll stay?" Chuck tentatively asked.

She now had both hands around his face. She looked into those hazel eyes that seemed mixed with hope and fear. She had to make him understand. "I'm staying, Chuck." She smiled. "And I'll want lots more of those kisses." She leaned forward and kissed him again, and he returned the affection with passion.

They made their way back up the beach, hand in hand, reaching their separate cars. He faltered as she climbed into hers. Sarah guessed that after all she'd done and said before, he must feel somewhat insecure, so she told him, "I'll drive in front, so you can see that I'm going to our apartment and not driving away."

He blushed and stuttered. "You must think I'm being pathetic."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. "My fault. I'm so sorry, Chuck." She let go and added, "Get in your car and follow me."

Once they got back to the apartment, they'd only just entered as she laced her fingers into the hair at the back of his head and pulled him into another kiss. They were both breathless when it ended. He looked at her lips, and said, "I think we need to stop that, or I'll get carried away."

She had been so caught up in the swirl of emotions that she'd not thought about what he was hinting at, until he mentioned it. She wasn't ready for sex yet, but realized that he must know where such kisses would lead. The kisses must've gotten more and more passionate and resulted in them in bed, doing just that. God, she wished she could remember!

Of course, passion and sex didn't necessarily mean she loved him, but she cast her mind back to watching her video log.

"Day 564. Things are calm for once. No missions, nothing... nothing really to report, except I still find myself sitting here, talking to myself, because... because I love him." That had made her gasp. The following words coming from that troubled self were locked in her memory, too. "I love Chuck Bartowski, and I don't know what to do about it."

When Sarah watched the log for the second time, she'd seen her shifting emotions building up to those words being uttered. She suspected that she'd loved him for some time before that and, on the beach, Chuck told her that when asked, she had admitted that she'd loved him from shortly after first meeting him.

Her strong feelings for him now could be exactly that, but she had no reference points to help her understand if she really did. She loved her mother who she could no longer see because of the baby, and guessed that she loved her dad too, but neither was the sort of love she imagined between husband and wife.

She looked at her sleeping husband. Her feelings for him were incredibly strong. She just wanted to wake him with a kiss, and have him kiss her back. She wanted to hold him tightly to her, and relish in the feel of his embrace. All physical needs, but they were now dominating her thoughts. She sighed.

Maybe the real teller was the loss she felt when he wasn't around. She missed him. That must be love, mustn't it?

She ought to talk to someone about this. The perfect person, she knew, was his sister, but she still couldn't face talking to Ellie after what she'd done. She could only imagine how that would go. "Hi, Ellie. Sorry I tried to kill you. Can you tell me what being in love is like?" That wasn't going to happen.

Talking to her mom wouldn't help, either. Her parents' love had disappeared before Sarah had been old enough to recognize it.

Alex seemed to be in love with Morgan, but that was a relationship Sarah couldn't understand, so she didn't think asking either of them for help would be useful, either.

Carina's views on love were just of the physical variety. She would probably scoff at the concept of emotional love.

So, Sarah had only one person left. Could she ask the man in question about it? His love for her seemed completely over-the-top. Would she get a sensible answer from him?

She looked fondly at his sleeping form again. She couldn't resist reaching out and touching his face. It was so desirable.

She obviously wasn't as gentle as she'd hoped and his eyes fluttered as he woke up.

"Sarah?" he asked, Then, a look of panic showed in his eyes. "Oh god! You're waking me to tell me you're leaving, aren't you?"

She moved closer and cupped his face and kissed him hard. She should've spoken first, but wanted him to see how she was feeling. She then rested her forehead against his. "I have no intention of leaving you. I've never been as happy as I am here."

He pulled her back into another kiss and she could feel his affection for her in it. Every kiss with him made her heart flutter. Was that love?

Pulling away, she said, "I need your help understanding something," she tentatively stated.

"Anything. You know I'll help you with anything," he rushed out. She did. It felt like everything he did was for her. She had to kiss him again for that.

When the kiss ended, she said, "Chuck. I'm sorry but I've never been in love before, at least not that I can remember. How do I know the feelings I have for you are love? That I've regained at least that?"

He was silent for a moment. She worried that she'd asked it wrong, or that she shouldn't have asked at all.

"How does it feel when we kiss?" he finally asked.

She didn't hesitate. "Wonderful! I've never felt like that before. I feel… joyous?" He smiled and nodded. She continued, "I get this fluttering feeling in my chest, too. And I want to keep kissing you."

"That's part of loving someone, Sarah," he said quietly.

"But isn't that just a physical response?" she questioned.

"Hmm. Maybe. So, let me ask something else. I've had to leave you on your own occasionally in the last week. How do you feel then?"

"I spend my time trying to remember things. Looking at the mission reports the general let me have, mostly." She looked into his eyes. "But I do think about you, too."

"Because I'm there, in the missions, with you?"

She felt embarrassed. "No, thinking about how I miss you when we're apart."

He grasped her hands. "I think about you a lot. I miss you when we're apart, too. My feelings for you were overwhelming from the moment we met, but that was mostly physical attraction. As I got to know the woman behind the spy mask, I realized there was an emotional connection, too. If it hadn't been for all the danger, I would've been longing for you every minute."

Longing. That was more than the need for physical contact, wasn't it?

"We longed for each other for two and a half years before we finally got together, didn't we?" she asked.

He nodded. "We were the worst communicators, but, yes, we both wanted a real relationship."

She got sidetracked. "And that meant sex, right?"

He frowned and she realized that she'd said the wrong thing. "I don't think we ever just had sex. We made love. We physically expressed how we felt about each other."

He hadn't talked about this on the beach, and she'd not questioned it. "Was our sex life good?"

He rolled his eyes. "Our love life was unbelievable."

That was the second time he'd emphasized lovemaking rather than just sex. She wanted to experience the difference, but worried that she might get it wrong and just have sex with him. She was going to have to let him lead, which meant ceding control, but this was a man who loved her. He'd not abuse her trust.

"We need to make love," she said.

He looked shocked and then his brows joined up. "When we both feel in the right mood."

She was surprised. "You don't want to?"

"Not as an experiment," he replied. "Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful, when spurred on by desire, just not like this."

She covered her face. "I don't know how to be around you, Chuck. I was trained in seduction techniques, but that's not what I should do."

He pulled her hands away. "Sarah, I can't resist you when you do."

Her eyes widened. "I've done that?"

He chuckled. "To get me to talk about something I was hiding from you."

He had her intrigued now. "What?"

"I was trying to buy the house you wanted… as a surprise."

"And I seduced you?"

"Very much."

She grinned. "And you enjoyed it?"

"My god, Sarah. You're impossible to resist."

"But you're resisting now."

He snorted. "You're not trying to seduce me right now."

He was right. She wondered about the items of clothing she'd found in one of the drawers. "I'll lure you in at some point, then."

He visibly shivered. "I think one of your passionate kisses would achieve it, just not after such a clinical discussion."

Her mind was made up. Tonight, it will happen.

In the meantime, she lay back and thought about what he'd said about being in love, the original topic of their discussion. She felt everything he'd mentioned. It couldn't be as simple as that, but she decided to just accept it. She had that emotional connection. She loved him, not just desired him physically.

The only thing they hadn't done was make love. As he said, that would just express their feelings in a physical way. She was emotionally ready now, but would go along with his wishes. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin that aspect of their time together. Their love for each other, she reminded herself.

She felt content as she lay there. A woman in love with her husband.

Not so long ago, as far as she could remember, the very thought of being in love would have been terrifying to her. Between the CIA mindset and her 'work relationship' with him, as asset and handler, old Sarah would've felt they were held apart. but none of that was relevant now.

She rolled onto her side. Chuck was lying on his back now and she scooted up against him. Her right arm and leg slid across him. In case he worried that she was trying to force what he regarded as an experiment, she said, "I just want to embrace you, Chuck. Nothing more."

She rested her head against his shoulder. His hand slipped around her lower back and he held on. "I love you," he murmured.

She clung to him, kissed his neck and happily replied, "I love you, too."

A/N: Just a quick one-shot of Sarah's thoughts a short while after the beach.

The lyrics were from a single by Gang of Four in 1983. Some of the lyrics seemed to fit Sarah after the memory loss, as well as her confusion about love.