Chapter CVIII

The Wolf's Den

TW: Self-Harm

Once I'm dressed, I'm told that they will contact me again; either to study this darkness, or to seal it. Honestly, I expected the worst. This thing inside me isn't a threat for now, and it will remain so unless it's provoked. A thousand and one questions torment my mind as to its existence… I intend to demystify its secrets in one way or another, and try to establish contact with it. If they can't be sealed, there may be a way to calm the one inside Naruto. To do this, I must discover what this "darkness" is and why it exists. All in all, this distressing session has greatly reassured me. A peaceful cohabitation could be possible if I can't get rid of it. As long as it stays in its corner, in the depths of my mind, I can tolerate its existence.

I barely have time to open the door and go out before Naruto jumps on me to take me in his arms. While hugging me in a rather … possessive way, he hisses loudly while glaring at the people in the room behind me. Somewhat embarrassed, I nervously laugh while sliding a hand into my silver hair. "Sorry, sorry," I apologize while closing the door to end the discomfort.

I let out a sigh before gently pushing Naruto away from me. "I'm fine, Naruto. Let go of me."

The teenager reluctantly separates from me… Maa, he doesn't touch me anymore, but he keeps that sickly, overprotective closeness. In the meantime, Shikamaru is staring at me out of the corner of his eye; his expression is dark, anxious, and the irregular beating of his heart suggests a certain level of stress.

"What?"

"Ah, nothing. I was thinking," Shikamaru laughs nervously. "Did they find something?"

"Yes and no. They'll push the search further. The good news is that this darkness isn't a threat. It's not cooperative, but it's not aggressive either.

"Do they know if it's possible to—"

"Shut up!" I cut him off immediately. "It's listening and can understand what we're saying."

A silence.

"They don't know yet," I continue, in order to answer his question. "They also want to find a way to communicate with it if it can talk."

The youngster frowns and takes on a serious look. I frown in return. Obviously, he knows something…

"If I were you, I'd avoid showing myself in public right now," he sighs, scratching the back of his head. "Let's just say that after this full moon, many have started to be afraid of you…"

"I see," I sigh, stroking the back of my neck. "I'm gonna train Naruto anyway. So I shouldn't … 'disturb' the others with my unwanted presence too much."

My last words are poisonous and cold. It pissed me off to receive this kind of absolutely detestable and gratuitous treatment. I don't intend to hide with my tail between my legs. I'll keep living my life as I see fit. I don't care what others think. I'm a victim in this whole affair and not the other way around.

Besides…

I've become a predator, and the predator is the one that imposes its rules on its hunting territory.

I turn on my heels, putting a hand around Naruto's shoulders, asking him to follow me silently. Since I'm overflowing with chakra to the point of not knowing what to do with it, I intend to save my strength by staying at home. I can finally satisfy my student's voracious appetite. I'll give him as much as he can eat, and as much as he wants. Tomorrow, I'll start training again.

But most importantly, I want to make contact with this thing as soon as possible.

- XxX -

At home, I let Naruto lie down and fall asleep. With what I plan to do, I prefer him asleep than in my way. According to his habits, he should sleep an hour or two. I'm not hungry, but I have a small snack anyway. I mustn't fall back into my bad habits. Otherwise, I will be forcefully dragged to the hospital by Lady Tsunade herself…

Her threat wasn't empty words.

A cold sweat beads on my temple; my heart starts racing. I sincerely fear finding myself facing this darkness, contemplating it with my own eyes. By focusing on my mark, I don't feel it. If it responds to nocturnal life, it will be calmer and more passive during the day, although I could be wrong. I'm still a diurnal creature; it may follow my rhythm unlike Naruto's. After all, I can't see in the dark, and the light doesn't blind me either.

I don't know how to establish contact with this entity, but diving into my mind is a first step. To do this, meditation is the best approach. I settle on the ground, crossing my legs. With my back straight, I place the backs of my hands on my thighs and close my eyes. I slow down the pace of my body by breathing deeply; the beating of my organ of love gradually weakens. I empty my head and dissociate myself from my sense of sight. The sounds fade away around me; silence reigns. The smells disappear like an ephemeral breeze, and I feel as light as a feather.

Strangely, an icy wind spreads under my skin, making me shiver. I ignore these unpleasant sensations as best I can. Beyond the void is a black light; it seems distant, inaccessible. The more I observe it, the closer it gets. When I brush it with my fingertips, it fades like a mirage. I frown, perplexed. Then, I feel a presence very close to me, behind me. With a start, I look behind me…

I freeze on the spot while my heart jumps into my throat.

There's no one…

And I'm no longer in my room.

I'm alone. In front of me stands an expanse of white birch trees that disappear into the horizon, blending into the oppressive darkness. I scan the surroundings; same thing. I'm in the middle of an unknown forest, in which its coldness makes me tremble. The greenery is sprinkled with a thin layer of snow; it stings my feet, which are unprotected and condemned to inevitable frostbite. Despite my mask, each of my breaths of air releases a soft white smoke.

I look up. The foliage blocks the dark sky, as if the sky doesn't exist. I'm plunged into darkness, but I see as if it were daylight. The black and white of the place makes me feel like I'm in a world devoid of colour and painted with grey hues. The leaves are swept by an absent wind and tear the leaden silence.

I blink several times. Unable to discern the true from the false, I place a cautious hand against the bark covered in moss. I… This tree is … real. I can touch it with my hands, feel its rough texture and the softness of the moss.

Where… Where am I…?

Everything seems real … too real. I examine my body, my arms… They are the same. I wear the same clothes and nothing is different. I pinch my skin roughly; the pain is felt as it should. My teeth start to chatter because of the low temperature. Am I the victim of a genjutsu? Did Naruto bewitch me during my meditation session? No, impossible. He would have no reason to do so… However, if I'm under the effect of an illusion, my Sharingan will pierce its mysteries.

I lift my headband and open my left eye. My vision, which should be tinged with red, is … nonexistent. I don't see any colour, not even black; it's as if it were still closed. I close my right eyelid, shake my hand in front of my red eye… Nothing, absolutely nothing. My Sharingan is blind, and I can't call upon its powers. I weaken in the face of this realization that freezes my blood in my veins. I lose my footing and barely catch myself with the nearest tree. My breath is unstoppable like my bruised chest. I can see with my right eye … but my Sharingan has lost its light, and I have absolutely no idea why…

I jump when I hear the cracking of a branch. In my panicked state, I can't determine the direction from which the sound came. "Who's there?!" I shout as I analyze my surroundings. "Is someone here?!"

I cover my left eye with my headband back and focus on all my senses. I feel a presence near me; I'm being watched. My nose only perceives the aromas of the wood frozen by winter. My ears only hear my heart and my too fast breathing. I swallow. I choose to venture into the unknown.

On my guard, I advance in the darkness. I sweep my gaze everywhere, on the lookout for the slightest movement, noise, smell… I ignore the snow that whips my numb soles. Facing a slope, I'm forced to cling to the branches to avoid slipping; the snow powder prevents me from holding on to the ground with my chakra. Higher up, the slope is steep, atrociously steep. I have to hoist myself with more ardour to the bark of the trees as white as this strange place. In order to cross the top of this interminable hill, I cling to the roots covered in snow; my hands are gradually numbed by the biting cold. I finally reach the top. On my knees, I place my palms on the ground, which melts under their heat, and I catch my breath. Raising my head, I stop breathing.

A few metres away from me, on a small hill, I see a shadow that is difficult to describe. This thing is pitch-black; it has an unstable shape and undulates in an invisible wind like the tip of a candle flame. It's on all fours and has a tail … a canine tail. It's the rough shape of a wolf. As I linger where the head should be, a white circle appears, in the same way as opening an eye. It's its right eye, and where the left should be, a thin white line crosses the face … like … like my scarred left eye.

I finally understand what's happening.

I am in the universe of my mind.

And I am facing this darkness.

This entity turns on its heels to run away.

"Wait! Come back!" I shout, running after it.

This thing melts into the darkness. I quickly lose sight of it, but I keep running. Unlike me, it doesn't leave footprints in the snow. I have to rely on my intuition to find it and follow its trail. I can't explain it in words, but I know where to go without having to think. It feels like I've been running for hours. I'm out of breath, my lungs are on fire, and I don't care. I keep running.

My foot hits a root that grabs my ankle, wrapping itself around it and making me stumble. "Fuck!" My foot is caught in a pile of branches and roots, which hold me against my will. I have to use both hands to free myself. I fume to myself. I mustn't give this darkness a head start. I came here to communicate with it… Maa, if that's possible, and learn about what it is. I refuse to give up so close to the goal and let this haunted forest stop me.

Free, I jump to my feet; I'm ready to resume my run… However, something roots me to the ground. Several metres away from me is an opening in the side of a mountain of stones; the snow almost entirely covers the mouth of what looks like a den. My instinct tells me that this is where this darkness burrows and hides.

The stress is poisoning me. I feel it. I'm about to meet this darkness for real. I could always erase my presence, as a precaution, but I don't want to surprise it and appear as a threat. Maybe it fled me because it's afraid? I can't tell. All in all, I don't want to provoke this entity or start on the wrong footing. If it can't be sealed, now isn't the time to make an enemy of it if I'm condemned to live with it; at that, I don't want it to become like Naruto's: mad angry and determined to take over my body.

I breathe in calmly and deeply. This run has chased away the cold in my insides. One cautious step at a time, I approach this cavern. I have to make my way through the snow with my bare hands. I could always use a breath of fire to melt it. Once again, I could provoke this darkness. I don't want to take any risks.

Inside, I brush the snow off my clothes and skin before rubbing my hands together to warm them; I blow warm air on them. Although this den is in pitch blackness, I can see perfectly. The icy rock is painful. The humidity sticks my skin to the surface. With each step, I feel like my epidermis will be torn off. I scan my surroundings; I'm in a rather large space. I wrap my arms around my body to conserve my body heat, which is falling, and continue my advance. I mentally prepare myself to meet it, this darkness. The closer I get, the more I feel it. It's not hiding from me; I'm not hiding from it. It's waiting for me… Maa, I think.

A few more steps and I stop. I see it, this darkness. It's still pure black and swaying in nonexistent winds. However, its form has changed. I expected to find myself in front of some canine. Instead, it's a rather familiar humanoid form that makes me uneasy. It shows me its back and is lying on its side, supporting its head with one hand.

"Why are you here?" this entity asks me with a long and painful sigh.

My throat tightens immediately. I… I didn't expect it to be able to speak at all. Moreover, its voice is strange and rather unique; it's as if it speaks in a perpetual echo that doesn't last.

This darkness sighs again. It sits down, still showing me its back. It turns its head briefly, allowing me to see its white and empty eye. I detect no bad intentions, but I remain on my guard.

"You're an imbecile," this thing throws back at me in an exhausted voice.

"I… Excuse me?!" I say indignantly, insulted. "I'm here to speak with you and know what you are."

This entity lets out another sigh. It gets up on its two feet to face me. Its right eye seems perpetually tired. As Inoichi said, its left eye is nonexistent; it's marked with a white line. Is this the reason why my Sharingan is blind in my inner universe? Because it isn't mine?

"This isn't the right time… Get out before he goes too far…"

"What… What do you mean?! When is the right time?!"

"… You want to harm us…"

"What?"

"Stop procrastinating here! Can't you smell his blood?!"

Now that it mentions it … the scent of blood overloads my sensitive nostrils … this blood … this blood…

This blood is Naruto's.

- XxX -

With a start, I open my eyes and inhale a large breath of air. I barely have time to realize that I'm back in my room before noises of distress bleed my ears. As I turn my attention to Naruto, he whines loudly, releases deadly lightning, and his completely crazy hands are carving the hollow of his elbows and his forearms. Immediately, I jump on him and straddling him, I try to grab his arms to restrain them.

"NARUTO! WAKE UP!"

Naruto screams in despair and fear; waterfalls have flooded his face. With dread, I see that he has mutilated his throat now marked with numerous bleeding scratches, which stain his summer skin, his clothes and the sheets. Unfortunately, I can't grab his wrists, which slip between my hands. The blond starts struggling like a madman to push me away. I end up receiving a nasty claw blow to the face. Three deep lacerations tear my mask along their entire length, and one of them dangerously graze my visible eye. I let out a dull groan in response to the pain that strikes me. My blood quickly mixes with Naruto's. While my breathing accelerates and follows that of my student, I fight fiercely to catch his killer hands. The unconscious teenager struggles against me, and I'm scratched and beaten without mercy.

"PLEASE, NARUTO! COME BACK TO YOURSELF!" I implore from the bottom of my heart.

Since I can't grab even one of his arms, I throw myself at him. I take him tightly in my arms while lying on him. I press my face into the side of his neck soiled with blood. Naruto's hands are content to move in all directions and fight in the void. His lower limbs make useless and ineffective gestures. I slide my fingers into his golden hair before grabbing it roughly at the root. This gesture paralyzes him and makes him grind his teeth.

"I am here, Naruto. It's over," I whisper while releasing his hair before stroking it gently. "Focus on my voice, Naruto. It will guide you towards the light … to me… Follow the sound of my voice, Naruto. It will pull you out of the darkness…"

The sapphire-eyed boy gasps and whimpers. His self-destructive dance gradually stops, like his lightning. His brain is still trying to understand what's happening, what has just happened, since he hardly reacts. He's on this border between nightmare and reality, which merge into one another, generating this confusion in his dazed and probably shocked mind. When I hear him sob, I separate from him, remaining on all fours above his body, my two palms on the sheets on either side of him.

Naruto looks at me with his two wide eyes. The bleeding scratches that mark his arms and throat break my heart, like the tears on his cheeks. "It's over, Naruto. I'm here," I whisper, brushing his cheek with my fingertips.

With a trembling hand, the blond brings it closer to my badly bruised face. He brushes the lacerations with a ghostly touch. He grinds his teeth before sitting back down and taking me in his arms. As I return the hug, he begins to sob, drowning my clothes in tears and still-warm blood; at that, he trembles like a fragile leaf about to crumble forever.

"I am sincerely sorry for not intervening sooner to get you out of there, Naruto. Forgive me…"

I receive no response, no reaction; his black tail remains motionless and impassive. He holds me tightly for fear that I will disappear, so tightly that his claws pierce my back, and that's the least of my worries. I rock him tenderly in my arms, humming a lullaby that only I know. Slowly, our hearts synchronize; the sobs are soothed…

I hurt everywhere, and I convince myself that I deserve it. This darkness knew that Naruto needed me. It called me an idiot because instead of helping my student, I lingered in the meanders of my mind. I was no longer aware of the outside world at all … but it … it was.

It seems that this entity isn't my enemy. In its presence, I haven't felt threatened, in danger for my survival, not once. Moreover, it … it was right; it wasn't the right time… It seems to be receptive to my contact… At least, I discovered that it's capable of communicating and speaking, visibly endowed with an intelligence rivalling that of a human being. However, what it told me worries me.

…You want to harm us…

What did it mean by that? Could there be other entities...? Is it referring to itself and me? In any case, one thing is certain: it knows that we want to harm it by trying to seal it…

And if it has indeed included me in the "we," that would mean that the harm done to it will have repercussions on me…

Whatever… I will look into it later. For now, my priority is Naruto. As soon as he has calmed down, I will treat our injuries. I will communicate with this darkness another day. That said, I must inform Lady Tsunade of my discoveries as soon as possible. Solving the mysteries of these entities is crucial, especially since Naruto's is a real threat to us as much as to him.