The page of Justine's character on the wikia says Justine's mum took her brothers and left. But when I wrote Justine's chapter in this earlier Ibrahim (C. Waif) told me he thought Justine's mum died. And I don't know if it was ever mentioned in the series or just the books. Either way, I think I found the way to get through all of it.

And with that, happy new year everyone. As usual, I'll be starting the new year with updating all of my multi-chapter stories.

Justine Littlewood again

Only a year ago Justine Littlewood had been just another normal girl.

She had always wished she had a sister or a brother, she was sad she was an only child. But she had her parents, Steve and Victoria and the three were happy together without any more children. Accepting what they had instead of wishing for what they had never gotten.

She and her parents had been so happy when those pregnancy tests showed a plus sign. Again and again and again. At last, the fourth miscarriage after Justine had been born. They had decided to instead of wishing and trying for more. Be happy with what they had.

And then, after finally one pregnancy test. When Victoria Littlewood had taken Justine with her to a doctor. She had laid down, the doctor put a transducer towards her belly. And on a screen, a picture in black and white they could see not only one beating heart. But two!

Victoria's eyes were shining with joy while Justine's dad joined them in the room just as the doctor was pointing to the sonogram screen, one little heart- two little hearts. It was too soon to see the genders but Victoria just knew they were two boys. And she knew her favorite boys' names had always been Trevor and Oliver, just like Justine had always been her favorite girl's.

Justine was now almost ten years old. She couldn't understand everything that happened, but she could understand enough- two lives were growing inside of her mummy's belly. Just like Justine had herself at one point, and her parents were so, so happy for these new lives. Just like she was for finally having a new little sibling.

Then her dad had started talking to the doctor, and suddenly there was something that wasn't so happy anymore.

…"It's a bit too soon to tell if they're girls or boys or one of each."….

"That's okay." Victoria had almost whispered with tears rising in her eyes. "They're perfect. Just the way they are."

"Vicky." Steve had interrupted, everyone knew Victoria hated that nickname. But she'd never let him call her by any other. "You were talking about something earlier. That you've been feeling a lump. Shouldn't you talk about that one."

"Can't I ignore it? Can't I just not have to worry about it just for a minute? Just for another little while?"

"There are about a thousand different lumps that can form in your body, your breasts or anywhere else. The doctor explained to them. "Most of them are harmless cysts, or made of muscles or fat with no indication of cancer. Your breasts are also going to be changing somehow now that you're pregnant. So I wouldn't see any reason for you to have to worry. But if there is something and you have felt it, it could be faster and easier to treat than if we wait, until after the babies are born or something."

"It's okay." Victoria just didn't seem quite as happy as she had just a few moments ago. "We can check it now. I just don't want any treatments or medicines while I'm still pregnant. I don't want anything if it in any way could hurt my babies."

The doctor was putting some things away, taking some new needles and put them on a rolling table. Victoria pressed her face into Steve's shirt.

"I hate needles"…

Justine could remember how her mother had always hated needles. So bad she had never wanted to help Justine with homework of needlework. But as she took her mother by the hand and the doctor drew blood from Victoria's arm they all couldn't help but look away.

And here, when she laid on her new bed in her new house, with neon green, ugly walls around her in the dark. There was so much she would have liked to forgotten.

She would have liked to forget about ever knowing the twins, maybe if Victoria had never been pregnant she would have accepted the chemotherapy, the radiation and the surgery she could have had. A lot of people survived cancer nowadays. If Victoria hadn't been pregnant maybe she could have had too.

Instead Justine was here, all alone. With memories of the twins she had never met. But she remembered the next twenty four hours after the hospital visit. How Victoria had told her no doctor would call back for weeks, if ever. And they had gone straight to the mall and headed for all baby clothes they could find. Using only Steve's credit card of course, and staying in the mall for as long as they could.

Justine had seen and picked something up. A clock with Mickey Mouse, an alarm clock was something she'd always wanted. But then her mum wanted to show her a twin stroller, Justine had put the clock back on the shelf and not minded more about it. Not caring that Steve had made his way back into the store after they left and bought the clock. To give it to her for some special time.

Earlier today, just after her mother's had been laid to her final rest and Steve had taken Justine to this ginormous, new place and an unknown new room. Steve had acted like nothing but still like had been a special time when Steve handed her the clock as it had been a diamond or a piece of gold. But Justine had barely even looked at him.

How dared he leave her here alone? Weren't they left enough with Victoria passing away to never wake up again?

So many thoughts were spinning in her head, she couldn't make sense of any one of them. It had been about twelve hours, and she knew the new clock was standing on the bedside table. Despite not being able to see it in the dark, and after all of her crying the tears had made everything so blurry. And while her cheeks were still so swollen and wet there just weren't any tears left to cy.

She could remember so clearly how her parents had been talking to the doctor only a few days after that first visit.

…"Mrs. Littlewood. What you must understand now is that if you don't start a round of chemotherapy against your breast cancer. The disease can progress in ways we might not even be able to tell right now…"

"I don't care. I'm not having such medicines while I still have these babies growing inside of me… Nothing means more to me than what they do."

It felt like yesterday but at the same time a thousand years ago when Victoria had suddenly felt a lump in one of her breasts. But she had just been so happy about that plus sign on the pregnancy test. What she could understand was her mother's refusal for any treatment for any kind of medicine. And why.

With time, already before they left the hospital they had gone straight to the hospital. As if it could make them forgot about the forget that none of that could ever forget

Justine, had gotten to come with her mum to the doctor once again while her dad was working couldn't quite understand what was going on. She had been only eight years old. But what she could understand was when Steve and Victoria were in her room that evening and watching her, they thought she was asleep and almost whispered together.

Then, during the evening in the doorway to her room Victoria and Steve were fighting, whispering and thinking that Justine was asleep even though she wasn't. She just laid there with her eyes closed and pretended.

"I know what you think Vicky. But you know what the doctor said. If you don't treat the cancer now with chemo or radiation therapy. Or anything. By the time the twins are born it might be… too late."

"I don't care…"

"YOU SHOULD"

Justine wanted to shout at the top of her lungs. She barely understood what was going on. But she did understand enough and she did understand that if her mum wasn't going to let the doctor was going on with their works now she would- more than likely, lose all the three of them.

But instead she just kept quiet and pretended to be asleep. And while she heard Steve going to sleep in the living room couch. Victoria tenderly kissed her forehead before she left for their bedroom.

The kiss on her forehead had been so soft, so tender. Just barely enough for Justine to remember what it felt like.

Was this the way it would be for Justine now? For the rest of her life? Would the memory of Victoria kissing her forehead as last before she went to bed always be there or would it fade with time?

And what about other memories? Those she wanted to remember, like all of that shopping they had done before, like how the babies were for certain two boys whose names were Trevor and Oliver. That Victoria was going to pack away all of her pink things from when she was a baby. Now she needed to get everything double in blue so they might as well start shopping right away. Two little cardigans, blue of course. Two little binkies, a pack of nappies…

She didn't mind shopping so much, especially not when they used Steve's credit card for it.

But then, the worst of everything worst had happened. And the day after the doctor's visit and when the doctor had said there were many different lumps the doctor had suddenly called back up already. Why did he call so quickly?

Right where she was now, Justine crawled down beneath her covers. She would try and sleep- when sleeping was the only things that didn't hurt right now. And how could anything ever not hurt when Victoria wasn't here to mend it.

Maybe Justine could have been okay with losing her siblings, but she could never be alright without her mum.

Justine knew that one could die from a broken heart, and she knew that her mum had cancer. A disease that could grow so quickly and unexpectedly. When Victoria had ended up waking one night, losing a fifth and sixth baby, with the pain and bleeding she knew well by now. But didn't want to accept before she had the babies were in front of her- Justine had seen them too! So little! Victoria had barely even been pregnant for five months and then…

And then…

With the pregnancy over Victoria didn't seem to have anything left fighting for. Even though she had Justine and Steve. And even though she nagging her to get the treatment she needed. It was just like now she wasn't pregnant anymore, and she knew she was never going to become again. Nothing was left of her to stay strong. No matter how much Steve and Justine nagged.

She had had chemotherapy exactly once. And the doctors had let her know that the treatments were too weak now she probably wouldn't have any side effects.

The doctors had been wrong, with cancer and grief taking over her body Victoria had spent most part of one night on the bathroom floor vomiting that turned into dry heaving. Until her whole body, from top to toe was shaking with exhaustion while Justine laid next to her, in the bathtub sleeping. Even though she had tried to keep awake to be there for her mum.

She had wanted to cry, Victoria. But it was like she couldn't do enough to produce any sobs or tears. And neither would Justine for what felt like a thousand years. When they all had to realize that Victoria was too overtaken by everything going on to get treatment. That what the doctors had warned for from the beginning was now happening.

Yet it had only been a few very long weeks.

When the casket had been opened at the funeral for flowers, letters and drawings. When Justine had seen her mum's face- so still as it never was when she was alive. Was when she finally cried, someone had told her things would feel better after crying. But she had cried and cried and cried and there was still as much pain running through her.

She had cried and cried and cried and nothing she felt she knew would ever get better.

She had cried very silently when Steve made a turn on the road and went up to a ginormous house and telling Justine that she would have to stay here for a bit. That he couldn't quite cope with things- but could Justine then? He had to do some paperwork and other adult's things.

Justine couldn't ever see a moment when she would be able to forgive her parents.

Everything just hurt too much. Now she was all alone in the whole wide world and the tears had dried towards her swollen and dry cheeks and eyes Steve had left her, yelling that she wanted to be alone in her room. And Victoria for leaving, for not caring about what the doctor said, until it was too late.

Very much too late, for Justine Littlewood to ever be another normal girl again…

Well, there! Now finished and with this I have all of my stories updated in 2025. Happy new year everybody,.

Random fact

Well, I started this just as I always do. Then I had about 1000 words written. Then, for some reason my laptop shut itself off and on again. And since I always forget to save I then had abuóut 400 words left to write- ugh!