Nothingness.
That was all Yoshina felt in her dream.
It wasn't a dreamless sleep. It was just a void, in which Yoshina existed yet…didn't exist.
She saw nothing. Felt nothing.
But she wanted to feel. She wanted this to end.
She had no mouth. And yet she screamed.
"AHHHHHHH!" Yoshina screamed as she woke up in a cold sweat. "Ah, ah, ah."
It took a few minutes but she caught her breath and regained her composure.
Which meant of course that she was now pissed.
"Damn that Yonda!" Yoshina hissed, tears trailing down her cheeks. "Before her I never had nightmares! Not one! Now...GAH!"
KABOOM!
Yoshina laid the now ruined remains of her bed. Fortunately, her room was explosion-proof (for the most part) and soundproof. Although she would have to replace a lot of things.
"Fuck." Yoshina swore as she got up. "I'm going on a walk or some shit."
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Yoshina didn't get far before she found Fu. "Oh hey. You're still up training are you."
"No. Just wanted to go for a walk." Yoshina said, not willing to say she had a nightmare. "What about you?"
"Have you ever seen a zombie sleep?" Fu asked her, as he started walking with her. "Guess I walk with you."
"Tch, don't you have anything better to do?" Yoshina asked.
"What do you think?" Fu asked again. "Anyway, wanna grab some tea."
"I'm more of a hot chocolate girl," Yoshina said. "But fuck it I could go for a drink."
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"You're not gonna drink anything?" Yoshina asked as she sat down across from Fu in the cafeteria.
"I can't taste food or drinks, and chocolate makes me go insane and die," Fu stated bluntly.
"...Yeah, just gonna ignore that last part." Yoshina did NOT have the mental or physical energy to unpack that.
"So. Are you finally ready to tell me what Yonda did that affected you so badly?" Fu asked her. "I doubt just beating you up would rattle you this much."
Yoshina's first instinct was to tell him to fuck off. But then she found she just couldn't say it. Like she lacked the energy to do so despite it just being two words. "She used something called, The Apathy. Said it drained my will. It was like…like I wasn't me anymore. Nothing mattered. I didn't wanna live life, but I didn't have the energy to try and kill myself. Just thinking about it…it makes me cold. Ugh, I'm gonna throw up!"
She moved her head over to the floor, and promptly vomited up her dinner onto the floor, Kyosei extending a tendril to pat her back. "Ugh. Shit."
"Huh, yeah I can say from experience that that is not something you should put someone through," Fu said.
"Wha-what do you mean, say from experience." Yoshina asked, "You touched that thing too?"
"No, that's just kinda how I live my life," Fu said. "Well, it's not THAT bad, but. Well, you know emotions, and you feel them. Mine are reduced by like, 70 or 80%. My will, my desires, everything, it's just…less. Sometimes when no one else is around I can feel the nothingness of my own existence."
"Wait, so you always feel like that?" Yoshina asked, looking at him in absolute horror. "Why!? How!?"
"It's…well it's complicated. But technically that's how I've always been. My existence was a mistake, and I was born incomplete, down to my soul. Like you tried to photocopy a person and ran out of ink halfway through." Fu explained. "I remember what it was like to feel things normally though. And I can feel what Kyosei feels, but those aren't MY emotions. I can never want things like I used to. Never feel things like I want to. I have to force myself to do more than…exist. So yeah, I kind of understand what happened to you. And if it makes you feel better, I'm gonna beat the crap out of Yonda the next time I see her for doing that to someone."
Yoshina stayed silent for a while, before eventually taking a sip of her chocolate and speaking up. "Why do you give a damn. About me? Seems like you've got a lot of shit on your plate already."
"Hmmm. It's hard to say that I care about you because…well it's hard to say I care about anyone. It takes a while for me to feel concerned or care for someone." Fu said. "But I know I SHOULD. I should care about you because you need help. So I'm going to do what I know is right. What I know Izuku would do."
"Izuku." Yoshina looked down at her cup. "Why does HE give a damn about me? Or any of us? Can't imagine the world treating him too nicely, but he wants to help people? I don't get it…but I also know he ain't lying. He does care. But why?
"Because that's who he is," Fu answered simply. "Helping people is the core of his being. His reason to live. He will love this world, even if it kills him. And that thought both terrifies and excites me."
"It excites you?" Yoshina questioned.
"...Let me share a secret with you that's a little fucked up," Fu said. "Like I said, it's harder for me to feel things. So the idea of feeling something as powerful as losing someone cares about…the sadness, the pain. It makes me feel a little excited. A little part of me wants it to happen. Just so I can feel something."
Yoshina felt a weird mix of shock, horror, and understanding, which made her uncomfortable.
"Of course, I don't actually want it to happen. It's not worth it. A whole lifetime of memories of little and major memories with a person, taken away in exchange for one strong burst of emotion." Fu continued. "In the long term, it's just a bad mindset to have. And given that I may be around for a while, I have to think of the future."
"Uhhh, you planning to kill me after this, this seems like the kinda thing you don't tell someone you just met?" Yoshina asked.
"I'm telling you this because you've been through it. That feeling. I call it Ginnungapap." Fu said. "The feeling of exiting, but not exiting. Of being aware but not yourself. Of being both something and nothing at the same time. You've experienced that, so you probably understand me a bit better when I say these things."
Yoshina shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Because he was right. If she was stuck in an existence like Fu's she'd probably do anything to feel strong emotions.
Even kill.
Yoshina felt that cold feeling again.
"Fortunately, you won't have to experience that again. Yonda's done with you after all." Fu said.
Once again that cold feeling, mixed with her extreme anger, as soon as Yonda's name was brought up. "That fucking bitch. I swear one day I'll pay her back!"
"Oh, and how do you plan to do that?" Fu asked. "Because depending on your answer, I may help or stop you. Yonda can be considered by sworn enemy, but she's also my ally. She helps keep order around here and protects the house. So long as she's around, nothing from the inside will destroy this place. Be it spies or kids who have bad intentions."
"...I don't know what I'll do to her, but It'll be something. One day." Yoshina swore.
"Well once you know just tell me." Fu shrugged. "Especially entertaining. I feel like you of all people, can help fight off Ginnungapap."
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Hinata wandered the halls, sniffling a whipping up tears from her face.
"Hinata?"
The loyal blade turned around and saw Ochaco standing behind her, looking concerned. "What's wrong."
"O-Oh. Lady Ochaco. What are you doing up?" Hinata asked, trying to hide the fact she'd been crying.
"I just felt like doing some stargazing with Kano," Ochaco explained. "I just sent her to bed, and now I'm running into you. Did you have a nightmare?"
"...Yes." Hinata wanted to hide it, but she couldn't bring herself to lie to the mother of her mistress. "I had a horrible dream. That I lost Lady Kiba. Something that should be impossible. And yet here I am in tears. What a pathetic servant I am."
Ochaco looked down on the distraught child and scooped her up.
"L-Lady Ochaco! I can't allow my Mistress's mother to carry me around." Hinata said as she struggled to try and escape Ochaco's grip.
"Your Lady is asleep right now, so you're officially off the clock," Ochaco told her.
"A loyal servant of eternal darkness never goes off the clock!" Hinata argued adorably.
"Then consider this an order from the mother of the queen. Give it a rest." Ochaco said with a gentle smile.
Hinata considered that and was forced to relent as she couldn't disobey a direct order.
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Ochaco carried up her to the roof.
Under the majesty of the starry night, Hinata felt her worries lessen if only a little bit.
"You know Kiba wouldn't want you talking badly about yourself," Ochaco told her.
"You're right, but I can't help but feel pathetic about crying over such an unrealistic dream," Hinata said. "Lady Kiba will live a long, long life. Far beyond mine. No one could ever destroy her, especially with her mighty army at her side."
"Hopefully, I'd sooner die than allow anything to happen to Kiba," Ochaco said firmly. "But more than that….if the worst did happen to Kiba then-"
"Then I would end my life immediately!" Hinata cried.
"Absolutely not!" Ochaco shouted. "Do you have any idea how Kiba would feel if she ever heard you say that? Or you and Kiba meet in the afterlife and she found out you took your life because of her. It would bring so much pain. She may never be able to rest."
"I…I am Lady Kiba's loyal blade." Hinata said, tears starting to sprout from her eyes. "My entire life, I felt like I was missing something. Until I met her, when she offered her hand to me, and when I became her blade, it felt like my life finally had meaning and purpose. Serving her, every day, acting as her blade, makes me so happy I can't imagine doing anything else!"
This must be the psychological effect of her quirk. Ochaco thought. Hinata's quirk turns her into a weapon, a tool meant to be used by either. Not just that, she has to bond with a person, making that person a part of herself. If she lost Kiba, she'd not only lose the person that drives her to live, but she'd be losing a part of herself.
The two sat in silence for a while, before Ochaco finally found her words. "You know, everything in the universe is temporary."
Ochaco looked up at the sky. "Most of the stars in the sky, have already died. But their light is just reaching us now. Proof that they existed, even long after their gone. It's amazing, and kind of sad at the same time."
Hinata stayed silent and listened, she could kind of see where this was going, but not all the way.
"When something happens, it can never be undone. That point in time when Kiba reached out her hand to you, and every moment you spend with her. Will have always happened. No matter what. And even after we're gone, there are people who can carry on our memories. Our hopes. Our dreams. I know that if I died, I like to know that someone else was taking care of my loved ones in my place." Ochaco said.
She gave Hinata a serious look. "If something were to ever happen to Kiba, or even if you're just separated, rather than taking your own life, the most loyal thing to do, would be to continue serving her even after her death. Carry on her hopes and dreams, protect all that she loved. That is true loyalty."
Hinata looked speechless. "True loyalty. But…"
"I know, it hurts to even think about losing someone you love," Ochaco said. "I hate even talking about a possible future where something happened to Kiba. But life is unpredictable, and it's hard to say with certainty what the future has in store. The only part of the future we can control is us. Our own actions. Which is why I need to make sure that if the worst comes to happen, you'll be able to keep going on."
"I…I want to be loyal to Lady Kiba. Even in death." Hinata said her body trembling. "But…if just thinking about losing her causes me this much pain…I can't even imagine."
Ochaco immediately brought the girl into her embrace. "If Kiba ever dies. The weight of her loss would be tremendous. Like the moon falling on top of us. But none of us have to bear that weight alone. If you can't handle something, if you can't find the strength to keep moving on, then you can ask others to lend theirs. And together, you can handle anything. I know that. And Kiba does too."
Hinata stayed silent for a while longer, her body still trembling in Hinata's embrace. "You said…that I was off the clock right? If so…then please, forgive this outburst."
Then Hinata wrapped her arms around Ochaco and started sobbing. "No! No! No! No! NO! I don't wanna lose Lady Kiba! I can't I don't wanna! Please please don't let her go!"
Ochaco could feel her heart buckle while listening to the desperate cries of a child after seeing a horrible nightmare, but she stayed strong and kept hugging her until she finally cried herself out.
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Sori was in the security room, watching over the cameras, when Giza came in. "You're not normally one to up this late."
"Well you never know when something big might happen, so the more the merrier," Sori said with a signature nonchalant attitude.
"Hmmmm." Giza sat down beside her and took a sip of her tea. "Would you like to talk about the nightmare that woke you up?"
"Wow, nothing gets past you huh." Sori chuckled, dropping her facade and showing that she was a bit more frazzled than she let on. "...So you know how I'm stupid right? Like really fucking dumb."
"Outside of combat, yes," Giza admitted.
"And that's just the thing, fighting is really all I got going for me," Sori said. "But I'm not fighting all the time. And when I'm just lying about waiting for the next fight, I do stupid shit. And well…what if one day I do something a bit too stupid, and Mr Midoriya decides I need to go."
"Ahhh." Giza saw where this was going.
"I can't really…adult. So I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost this job." Sori shuddered as she recalled her nightmare. "Like could you imagine me trying to find another job that tolerates my dumbass? Or me trying to figure out how to buy a house, get food, or do anything! I literally have no idea how to function outside of a fight."
"Well, that's not surprising. You were made for fighting and groomed to be reliant on others for everything else. That cooperation never wanted you to function as a person. Only as a tool." Giza said, his tone not hiding his distaste for such a practice. "That being said, I believe it is unlikely that you will ever find yourself in that situation. For multiple reasons."
"And they are?" Sori implored.
"Firstly, while you are in fact, the stupidest person I have ever met, you are also one of the most competent combatants I've ever faced. Which is the entire reason he hired you." Giza explained. "You ARE only good at one thing, but you were only hired to DO that one thing. And you've done that thing VERY well. You've protected the lives of him and his children on many occasions, which is not something someone like Izuku Midoriya would ever forget. It is likely that in his mind, he is in YOUR debt."
Giza took a sip of his tea before continuing. "Speaking of Midoriya's mindset, even if Midoriya did find that he needed to fire you, do you truly believe he would leave to fend for yourself, knowing how helpless you are?"
Sori took a second to think about it. "Huh, I guess you're right. Boss would probably hook me up somewhere else, given how kind-hearted he is. Man, I am fucking lucky to work for that guy."
"Indeed. Midoriya Izuku is a rare breed." Giza said. "And the world is certain all the better for him being in it. So let's make sure he doesn't pass into the world beyond before his time."
"No need to tell me twice," Sori said, smiling at the screens. "This place and everyone here means a whole lot to me. I'll keep working here, and fighting to protect it, till the day I die."
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